Here, have the first part of a James Bond/Tony Stark xover. Because I want an xover of those two and because today is my birthday, so I get what I want even if I have to write it myself.
Summary: Double-O Agent James Bond meets Tony Stark. It goes exactly as well as Fury feared it would go.
Or Five Times Tony accidentally gets involved in a secret mission, and the one time he does it entirely on purpose.
Part I Bond
Tony wasn’t pouting. He was not.
“Quit your pouting and move your fucking ass!” The guy behind him snarled (very impolitely), and pressed the gun harder into Tony’s back.
While uncomfortable, the loudly implied threat did not keep Tony from dragging his feet. For one Guy-With-Terrible-Breath hadn’t immediately shot him, which implied he had an interest in keeping Tony alive. For the time being at least. For another Tony was too busy mentally ranting to pay the guy much attention.
Because seriously, this entire situation was ridiculous. He was on vacation, for fuck’s sake. That in itself was rare enough an occurrence—no matter how often Obadiah insisted that he was young still, only twenty-three, and should be out, enjoying himself, Tony had never been very good at staying out of his own business.
It had taken Obadiah five months to convince Tony that Stark Industries wasn’t going to fall apart if he took a break on some tiny island near Spain. Too much like his father, Obadiah had grumbled, which had of course been the deciding factor in Tony agreeing to take his long put-off mandatory leave.
(He doesn’t mind vacations, just to clarify. He enjoys the partying and drinks just fine, thank you very much. It’s the lying in the sand all day sleeping and chilling that gets to him. Tony isn’t very good at turning his mind off and living in the moment. He needs puzzles to solve, patterns to predict, explosives to make boom. He needs to calculate and built, needs to keep his mind buzzing, and vacations—complete with being banned from disappearing into the workshop or talking business with his favourite engineers—don’t offer that.)
The second reason why Tony was in such a foul mood was that he had been responsible. He’d carefully chosen his destination, run some pretty background checks on his hotel, other residents, the usual. He’d complied with all of Obadiah’s pointless, overboard security precautions. Just once in his life Tony had taken things serious—like everyone seemed to insist he should—and he had gotten kidnapped for his troubles.
That settled it then. He was never going to listen to Obadiah ever again.
[more under the cut]