this was all i could think of when i saw this gif

I think we can all agree that this was one of the most emotional scenes that any us of have ever seen. I mean I bawled my eyes out the first time I saw it, yet somehow it breaks my heart more and more everytime I watch it. And I’ve just finally figured out one of the many reasons explaining why I do that. 

Look at his face. We can all see those tears. However I think when the majority of us watched this, we saw them, let it increase our pain, and accepted them as a part of the overall emotion of this scene. But have any of us really asked the question:

Why is he crying?

Sherlock knows he won’t die. Obviously. It’s obvious that his plan to fake his death was pre-meditated. We know this. And even though we cried and cried, we knew Sherlock would come back just as he himself knew. So why is he crying? One could say that he’s just trying to convince John that he really is about to kill himself. But come on, there is no way in hell John can see the tears from there. And a guy like Sherlock can undoubtedly make it sound like he’s crying without shedding actual tears. So why is he crying?

I think one has to look at what he’s saying and to whom he is saying it.. I invented Moriarty. I’m a fake. It’s just a trick, just a magic trick. He says these words to John. To protect him, Sherlock tries to make John believe that he is nothing but a fraud. And although he wants John to believe this lie to keep him safe, I think Sherlock is terribly terribly afraid that John really will believe it. This is why Sherlock is crying. Because he is absolutely terrified of the possibility that the person whom he cares about most in the world will believe he is a liar. Sherlock doesn’t want John to be let down, and he doesn’t want to be the one to let him down, but he forces himself to look like a horrible liar to keep John safe, and it wounds him deeply to do so.

This makes the scene so much more emotional for me, while simultaneously increasing my respect for Sherlock. This exact moment is proof that Sherlock will always always put his friends, especially John, before himself and his pride.

Let’s talk about Season 1 Episode 13…

I saw a theory on all the “Bellarke” endings to each season, but this one struck me as odd.

Mostly because Flarke (Finnarke?) was what everyone was focused on. I was like “This really isn’t Bellarke…” But then as I read the theory, I could see it. I disagreed with the idea that this was “They first time that Clarke showed any value, or worry for Bellamy’s life, because of Episode 8, of season 1. When Dax was trying to kill him, she tried to save him. I think that was where they both gained a mutual respect for eachother.

In one of the next episodes, Bellamy and Clarke can be seen laughing, and teasing each other (Flirting, Bellamy was totally flirting) when Bellamy mentions Raven’s land mines, and tells Clarke to watch her step. There’s a totally different feel to that, than when Bellamy degrading, and also teasingly, calls her “Princess”.

Anyway, I want to focus on Finn for a moment. In episode 8, at the end, if you remember - - Finn is completely against Clarke and Bellamy going on a mission alone and Bellamy being in charge of firearms. I see it for two reasons.

1 - Finn doesn’t trust him.

2 - Slight Jealousy.

I don’t recall much changing in 5 episodes.

Mostly because none of them spent any time together. In fact, Bellamy even threatened Clarke in “I Am Become Death.” But quickly, the two got over it.

What changed in between episode 8 and 13? Yes, Bellamy did save their asses from Anya, but a lot of that was because of Clarke.

Why does Finn look so worried, and rushes to SAVE Bellamy?

Because he can tell, he’s special to Clarke. Finn loved Clarke so much, that he would do anything for her, including risk his life to save a guy he constantly butted-heads with, because SHE had grown to care for Bellamy, and he saw it.

Moving on to Season 2. Finn saved Bellamy’s life, and got captured in the process. Bellamy had to feel some sort of debt to him, to Raven, and to Clarke, so in exchange for them repeatedly having his back - - no matter how much of a dick he was - he could at least save Finn.

Season 2 - Episode 4… One of my favorites..

Clarke is talking with Raven, clearly excited to see her. Yes, all of the affection. But then. Bellamy!!! It was nothing like her reunion with her mom, or with Raven. I mean, as Bellarke shippers - - we remember it so well. In all honesty, she thought he was dead, it made so much sense for her to react that way. She’d lost him…

And not to mention, that brief hug given to Octavia. “oh hi. you exist too.”

Next week - - I have a theory on how its going to go down.

When Clarke is basically unresponsive, I think theres going to be a quiet moment where Bellamy can talk to ‘Clarke’ and beg her to come back, because he loves her, and he can’t lose her again. But we dont get Clarke waking up.

or, we get Clarke waking up, and Bellamy being the first to her side, and caressing her face, and just like “oh…” and woops we get a kiss.

but - - we’ve had 2 Bellarke seperation endings, why not keep the theme going…?

My parents and I are good friends because of Star Trek. I love them and all, and they raised me, but I know a lot of people aren’t really friends with their folks. It can be a tough thing.

But I’ve been lucky that because my parents loved and watched Star Trek, we always had something to talk about beyond how well i was doing in love/school/work/life. We could always talk about the moral and philosophical implications of the latest Next Generation episode.

And when it came to Thanksgiving, for a number of years my Dad, Uncle and I would go see the latest Trek movie in theaters come gobble gobble day.

The first one we saw was Undiscovered Country and I remember this vividly because I remember thinking Spock with rocket boots was kind of silly. Not logical. But I loved it anyway, cause Leonard Nimoy would sell you all the logical charm he could muster, and you and everyone else you know ate it up cause it was delicious, and Leonard Nimoy was awesome.

So I already loved Leonard Nimoy. But then I found out he wrote the song to the Bilbo Baggins animated feature. Being the enourmous Tolkien fan that I am, I was understandably beside myself to find that Spock was singing about this Hobbit I loved so dearly.

And just now i finished watching this great interview he had with Pharell Williams, and i had no idea he was such an amazing photographer. Well it sadly took him dying for me to find that out, and to find out he’s such a warm amazing creative person IRL. Sad day.

RIP Leonard Nimoy.