this was all i could cap with my phone

Well if the show isn’t gonna give me any Dean/Aaron then I guess I gotta write it my goddamn self

“I killed Hitler.”

“Dude, it’s like 2 in the mor–”

“I killed Hitler, dude.”

“OK. Fine. I’m awake.” There’s some shuffling on the line, the click of a lamp. “What the fuck are you saying to me?”

“Hitler came back for, like, five seconds, and I killed him. Shot him right between the eyes.” Dean tucks the phone against his ear so he can twist the cap off a beer. He sped all the way back to the bunker just so he could have this conversation without Sam next to him rolling his eyes. 

“What happened to taking down the Thu–”

“Dude! Are you not hearing me?”

Aaron sighs into the receiver. “You really killed Hitler? The Hitler?”

“Well, he was in a different body but yeah. I fucking killed him.”

“You’re serious?”

“Deadly.”

“You actually did it.”

“I did.”

“If you’re joking, I swear to–”

“I’m not joking!” Dean drops into a kitchen chair and downs half his beer. “You can ask Sam.”

The line goes quiet for a second. “I can’t believe this. You’re actually serious. You really did it.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Some more shuffling. “I gotta go.”

“What? Aaron, what the fu–”

The line goes dead.

**********

It’s been three days since Dean killed Hitler, and it’s been zero days since Dean’s mentioned that he killed Hitler. Sam is so sick of hearing about it over breakfast that he almost, almost put his earphones in this morning so he could drink his coffee at the kitchen table in peace.

Dean’s late getting up, which is rare. Sam is about to go check on him when he hears some doors shutting and some poignant yawning down the hall. As footsteps approach, he slides Dean’s mug to the edge of the table without taking his eyes off his computer screen.

“Coffee’s on,” Sam greets.

“Uh, thanks.”

Sam’s attention snaps up real quick. “Um. Aaron. What.”

Aaron sheepishly grabs the mug off the table and guiltily scrunches his face up at Sam. “Yeah…” he says, holding out the “ah” sound for a solid 10 seconds.

“I thought you were in Ber–is that Dean’s robe?”

“Hmm? Oh. Um. Sure, yeah, I guess. I just grabbed it because I was…”

Dean slides into the kitchen then, his socks skidding across the linoleum before he bumps shoulder-first into Aaron. He’s wearing a red baseball shirt that’s so tight across his chest that Sam can practically hear the bias of the fabric screaming in pain. It barely covers his belly button.

“Hey, Sammy, guess what?”

“Dean, I really don’t–”

“I killed Hitler.” He bounces his eyebrows at Sam before turning toward Aaron and smacking his ass. “Who would’ve thought–” He wraps an arm around Aaron’s neck and plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek, “–that’s all it took to get this guy in bed?”

I knew it was a mistake to fuck with a girl with a boyfriend like @uclafratboy, but he was gone for the summer and she was all over me. It was an even bigger mistake to snapchat that pic of her with my load on her tits. I didn’t think she could be recognized, but a bud screen capped the pic and shared it. Guess @uclafratboy recognized her room and my screen name. When he and his buds showed up to teach me a lesson, I didn’t realize how much I’d learn. His buds held me down while he harvested my cherry. He pounded me relentlessly until he shot deep in my ass. Then his buds lined up behind me to take their turns. When he shot his second load all over my ass, I heard the camera on his phone click and I knew I was fucked. When I started having wet dreams about what they’d done to me, i knew I was a fag. When I went back and begged for another load, we both knew I was HIS fag.

Eat all my food while I fix your phone? Have fun explaining this one...

I used to work for the largest company in the world (by market cap) and know quite a bit about their electronic gadgets. This has earned me the unfortunate family title as tech support for all things Fruit related.

Last week, I received a call from my brother asking if I could fix his friend’s phone as it was acting weirdly. I told him to come by my place and I would get it sorted out. Well, this friend of my brothers is 16, and kind of a little douche (LD). He also smokes far too much weed to ever be healthy (nothing against the stuff, but seriously… Too much is too much). Anyways, they come by stoned out of their mind right as I finish making myself some delicious baked spaghetti for dinner.

I proceed to update his phone to the new OS and fix his issues (which was an app that required an update to the latest OS version to work properly) and all is ready to go. I come back to find my baked spaghetti completely devoured by LD while my brother was playing video games in the living room.
You motherfucker.

So I went into the settings and now his phone autocorrects ‘tired’ to 'high’ every time he types it in. That way, every time he types “I am too tired” it becomes “I am too high” etc. Give him the phone back and say all is fixed.
Two days later I get a text message asking wtf, because his friend is grounded for telling his parents he was too high to go to a family dinner.
Never. Eat. My. Goddamn. Spaghetti.

Petty Revenge: Your daily dose of the best petty revenge stories. | source

7

Because I was listening to One Direction ‘Perfect’ and all I could think about was these two! I was going to make a music video but this was quicker and I’m being lazy at the moment! ;)

(PS I have like every screen cap I come across on a daily basis from Tumblr, Google and other places just saved to my phone, so credit to whoever took these and thank you! :) )

A year ago I was sitting in my room with a bottle of pills in my hand crying because all I wanted was to empty the whole thing into my stomach. but maybe there was some part of me that wanted to live because I vaguely remember messaging you saying “look I need you I think I’m going to kill myself”
and you replied saying “don’t do it”
and by now the caps off and I have a handful of Advil and I tell you that I don’t want to live anymore and five minutes later you tell me it’s not worth it to die but that was five minutes later and
in five minutes I could’ve hung myself or
downed the whole bottle of pills
or
opened all of my wrists and what I’m trying to say is I know it’s not your job to save me I know you have your own problems
but I was ready to die and you couldn’t even stay by the phone to try and stop me.

sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if my mother hadn’t knocked on my door.
i wonder if you would’ve blamed yourself when you found out what happened.
i wonder if you knew how close I was to death
i wonder if you care.

—  he said I couldn’t come to him for help anymore– Lily Rain