this video made me tear up

anonymous asked:

the problem with matpat, in my opinion is well how do i even explain it. Frankly the best way to pinpoint my problem with MatPat is a FNAF theory for the latest game in the series, Sister Location. You know, the game series that ABSOLUTELY MADE HIS DAMN CHANNEL and he spends 5 minutes before tackling the theory at hand criticizing Scott Cawthon on his writing and that he, MatPat, knows better what's canon than Scott Cawthon. He's so overly smug and arrogant.

You guys want to know my problems with MatPat?

This anon pretty much just underlined one of my most major points.

Here’s something so many people don’t seem to get about the field both I and MatPat are in:

Channels like ours, despite how much original material we try to make and inject into our videos, survive completely on the content other people make. We are ‘derivative content channels’–we only get to make videos because other people made something we can discuss, and analyze, and rotate all around to show our audiences all the cool pieces involved in a thing that someone else made.

When it comes to mainstream media products like theatrical films, major console video games, etc., it’s more than okay to complain and talk about their faults and failings; these are professional-grade products that are supposed to be of the highest quality and pedigree, made by veterans and educated professionals in their fields with plenty of money and resources to do the job write and make sure consumers feel good.

When it comes to independent material, like I mostly cover, you’re dealing with someone who was brave enough to try something without all the pedigree, resources, power, and experience of the mainstream field. And often, the independent material is made by someone who did everything themselves.

If you’re making your bread and butter on YouTube covering mainstream stuff, you’re part of a very large group in a very large field of media that extends well beyond YouTube.

If you’re covering indie material and lone creators who are making things with cameras they bought at a local store and computers in their basements after long days of work in their home town, then you’re working with underdogs, and being a parasite to those underdogs instead of a mutualistic symbiote is totally intolerable to me. You don’t go and tear down people who have nothing and are just trying to make their way up, and if you’re gaining something from them, you’d better be giving something in return.

Scott Cawthon’s Five Nights at Freddy’s series has been MatPat’s biggest goldmine, and I’ve seen MatPat turn from being a mutualistic symbiote to hateful parasite while still fully aware that Scott Cawthon is an indie creator whose work made Game Theory thousands and thousands of dollars.

I know YouTube figures, and I can tell you that MatPat’s FNAF videos have certainly made him at least $1,000 each, with earlier entries making at least $3,000 by the time they made 3 million views. It’s not possible that they haven’t.

Has Scott himself become wealthy from his creation? Hell yeah! Does that change the fact that he’s an indie creator who got extremely lucky and does everything himself, and all of his work is the reason MatPat’s been making a disgusting amount of YouTube bucks? 

NO.

If you want to see the phrase “Biting the hand that feeds you” in action, look no further than Game Theory. MatPat’s very direction for Five Nights coverage has gone from biting the hand that fed him to actually eating it for the sole purpose of hurting Scott Cawthon while still making money off his work.

I have watched MatPat attack Scott Cawthon, insult Scott Cawthon, tell the man he can’t write his own games correctly, insist that he’s broken his own story because MatPat can’t make sense of something, and generally be a hateful, disrespectful, ungrateful narcissist.

I HAVE SEEN MATPAT MAKE A THEORY VIDEO MONTHS IN ADVANCE OF A GAME BEING RELEASED. Do you think that’s because he GENUINELY figured out a game he hadn’t even seen, or because he knew he’d make LOTS OF MONEY doing it?

And yet MatPat still has the audacity to attack, insult, demean, and devalue a man whose work has personally made him thousands of dollars and many millions of views and subscribers. Not just a man, either, but an indie creator who has done everything himself and devoted so many sleepless nights to making Five Nights at Freddy’s games, doing his best to improve each new installment so it makes us more impressed than before.

Scott Cawthon got lucky, yes, but he’s still the man who was about to quit his dream of being a professional video game developer if ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s,’ a Hail Mary attempt, did not work. He still has run this ship alone and done everything in his power to keep it pure and stay a Scott Cawthon original despite all the success and fame he’s achieved.

Is the man above criticism because of who he is, what he’s been, and what he’s achieved? No, of course not. But should criticism of him and his work be delivered respectfully, in a way that isn’t smug and cruel?

Yes, especially when it’s criticism levied by someone who made thousands of dollars off Scott Cawthon’s work and continues to do so. Instead, MatPat chose to effectively spit in Scott’s face with his platform while reaching into his wallet.

And that’s just one major reason I lost immense respect for him.

emupoppyjay  asked:

I'm grateful to be a fan of someone who makes people all around the world happy and smile. Who puts so much work into the videos they display. I'm just grateful to a fan of you. You do so much for us. Gosh my world would be a little dark without your positivity/silliness. You say youre proud of us. Well I'm super PROUD of you. On another note: I'm glad your mums surgery went well and hope the next and recovery goes well. Lots of love from me to y'all - Jc

I’m drifting off to bed, and this lovely message just made me tear up. You all don’t know how happy it makes me to be able to create these videos and hopefully entertain and support. It’s an absolute dream come true that I didn’t think was gonna be possible, and it’s such an honor. If I’ve managed to make you feel better or smile, it’s a blessing. I’m gonna try and sleep now, thank you so much for taking time to write this.

LYRICS: THE SONG JUNGKOOK CHOOSE FOR HIS EDIT

Jungkook made a video of his travel to Japan HERE and he choose this song called ‘There for You’ by Martin Garrix & Troye Sivan 

[Verse 1: Troye Sivan]

I woke up pissed off today
And lately, everyone feels fake
Somewhere, I lost a piece of me
Smoking cigarettes on balconies

[Pre-Chorus: Troye Sivan]
But I can’t do this alone
Sometimes I just need a light
If I call you on the phone
Need you on the other side

[Chorus: Troye Sivan]
So when your tears roll down your pillow like a river
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be there for you
When you’re screaming, but they only hear you whisper
I’ll be loud for you
But you gotta be there for me too

[Breakdown: Troye Sivan]
But you gotta be there for me too

[Verse 2: Troye Sivan]
Last year took a toll on me
But I made it with you next to me
Around the world and back again
I hope you’re waiting at the end

[Pre-Chorus: Troye Sivan]
But I can’t do this alone
Sometimes I just need a light
If I call you on the phone
Need you on the other side

[Chorus: Troye Sivan]
So when your tears roll down your pillow like a river
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be there for you
When you’re screaming, but they only hear you whisper
I’ll be loud for you
I’ll be loud for you

[Bridge: Troye Sivan]
I got you, I promise
Let me be honest
Love is a road that goes both ways
When your tears roll down your pillow like a river
I’ll be there for you
But you gotta be there for me too

[Breakdown: Troye Sivan]
But you gotta be there for me too

[Bridge: Troye Sivan]
Boy, I’m holding on to something
Won’t let go of you for nothing
I’m running, running, just to keep my hands on you
There was a time that I was so blue
What I got to do to show you
I’m running, running, just to keep my hands on you
Running, running, just to keep my hands on you
Running, running, just to keep my hands on you
So I’m running, running, just to keep my hands on you
But you gotta be there for me too

[Breakdown: Troye Sivan]
But you gotta be there for me too

youtube

‘for extra durable protection!’

thethoughtbubble122  asked:

Your new Sanders sides video made me tear up, it was so good! Thank you for creating the content you do, and thank you for being you!

Ahhh!! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!! It is seriously our pleasure to create these vids, and we’re just so honored by all the beautiful support and kind words from you all! It’s so humbling and moving, truly, we feel so blessed. Hope you have a wonderful day/night!

My Protector

Originally posted by roadtoriverdale

Paring: female reader x Sweet Pea

Word count: 1718

Warnings: Cursing, slight violence?

Season: 2

Request: none, just getting started :)

Short Note: you are Archie’s twin sister but went with your mom when they divorced, but when you came back after your dad got shot, you chose to stay with him and your Brother.

When my mom got the call from Archie we packed our bags and raced back to the small town as fast as we could.

The town used to be bright, people walking the streets, pops lit up and people constantly walking in and out, but not now.

The streets were empty, the color of the town seemed to have drained away and Pops was dark and abandoned. The clouds are a dark grey and rain slowly starts to drain out of them.

Riverdale has changed, I know I have. The last time I saw these streets I was a young and naïve girl, hell I hadn’t even gone through puberty.

When I walked through the hospital doors all eyes were on me. Instantly Archie saw me and took me in his arms.

“(Y/n) I’m so glad you’re here,” he spoke softly in my hair.

“I just can’t believe it took dad getting hurt for it to happen,” I whispered back.

When we broke apart and he went to talk to my mom I saw Betty and Jughead in the corner with a dark haired girl talking, wow they’ve changed. I walked over and tapped Betty on the shoulder, praying she’d remember me. As soon as she turned her eyes widened and embraced me, Jughead then doing the same. Before I could meet the girl that was with them Archie came over and grabbed me so we could see my dad, but left a kiss on the mystery girl’s cheek.

Decided to hold my questions until after we hurried along and saw my dad lying in the hospital bed, barely able to open his eyes. Tears welled up in my eyes as I rushed to his side and took his hand.

There is no way I could leave in a week.

-slight time skip-

After informing my mother of my decision to stay I enrolled to Riverdale High school and moved into the spare bedroom. It had been about a week but times were tough. I hung out with Archie’s friends but they all seemed off. Kevin had secret rendezvous in the woods, Betty was closed off and distant, and Archie was obsessed with finding the Black Hood, Veronica right beside him. I kept in touch with Jughead abs would sometimes escape to his trailer when Archie was in a mood, but other than that I was alone, but this soon changed.

I was walking to school, by myself, when suddenly I felt eyes on me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end and I looked around, not finding anyone. I sped up and got to school as quick as I could. I was about to walk into the Blue and Gold when I overheard Betty talking to Archie, normally I would have just gone in but she mentioned the Black Hood so I stood outside and listened instead.

“You know when I told you he hadn’t called again, I lied. I tried to stop him but he’s making me cut everyone off. But.. I found something out. Archie, he has an obsession with (y/n). He is threatening me that he will take her if I don’t do what he asks now.” Betty sounds like she’s crying.

Archie said something back but I couldn’t focus. He had an obsession with me? I just moves back here, so how would he even know me? I slowly back down the hallway but ran into Veronica.

“Oh hey (y/n)! Do you know where- uh are you okay? What happened?” She worried.

“Oh nothing, just have something in my eye, I’m gonna go to the bathroom, see you at lunch” I questioned knowing damn well I won’t be there. I turned and she walked to opposite direction.

The tears were welling up in my eyes and I just took off down the hall, running out the doors of the school and towards my house. I got to my room before I finally took a breath and completely broke down.

My dad is at the hospital getting a check up so I was alone in the house and free to cry as loud as I wanted. How was this happening? How can the Black Hood know who I was?

My thoughts were interrupted by my doorbell ringing. Not thinking, I walked to the door but stopped right as I was about to turn the knob. No one was supposed to be home right now, so who’s at the door? I looked through the peephole to see nothing but an envelope sitting on the porch. I quickly retrieve it and then lock the door again.

Taking it back to my room I open it slowly, revealing the pictures inside. They were all of me, at pops, walking to school, with Betty. The last one was of me going into school the other day, but this one had a caption on the back.

“The schools not safe anymore, your friends and Brother can’t protect you, what are you going to do?”

Taking a deep breath, I pick up my phone and call everyone I could think of, none of them answer.

“Think (y/n), where could you go. Who can help? The school isn’t safe.. southside! Jughead will be at school and he can help me!” I thought out loud. I grab my coat and walk to the door, scared to open it. I check to make sure the pictures are in my pocket and then open the door. I start down the street towards South Side, so far so good.

I’m almost in thief territory when I feel eyes watching me again, I pick up my pace and start sprinting towards the Southside High. I hear a car behind me as I reach the school parking lot. Turning to see how close it was I trip and fall to my hands and knees, ripping my jeans and drawing blood in both places, as well as scraping my elbow. The car comes to a stop and all I can see is a man dressed in black before I am up and running again. This time through the front doors.

All eyes are on me and I freeze. I never thought about what my plan was once I got here.

“(Y/n)?” I look up and see a familiar pink haired girl looking at me. Toni was at Jughead’s alot when I would go over, we had gotten pretty close in the last few weeks

“Toni! Do you know where Jughead is? I need his help, like now.” I pant out.

She nods and I follow her to the cafeteria, where there are a bunch of serpents crowded around Jughead and a laptop. Toni runs ahead to see what’s going on while I make my way there a little slower. I catch the end of the video, it was Archie talking about the Red Circle.

A tall boy looks at Jughead and speaks, “what the hell is this?”

Before he can answer him I speak up.

“J-Jughead?” I squeak. He turns and I see his eyes widen

“(Y/n)? What are you doing here? Now is really not the best time, you should go.” He tries pushing me away but I stop him.

“No wait, Jug I need your help! Please!” I make my way to where Toni is sitting at the table before Jug speaks again,

“Look (y/n), after what your brother just posted, you really need to go.” He goes to grab me again but the tall boy from before beats him to it.

“You’re telling me that red headed Northsider is your brother? And then you had the audacity to come to my terf? You’ve got a lot of nerve!” His grip tightened and I cried out and ripped my arm away, he had grabbed right where it had gotten cut up from falling.

“Wait are you bleeding? What the hell happened?” Toni was the first to notice my wounded state and sat me down.

“This is why I need help, Jughead the Black Hood is after me, he tried to take me on my way here. Oh! And he left these at my door only an hour ago.” I pulled out the pictures and both Jughead and the Tall serpent boy grabbed them.

“I’m going to get a first aid kit, I’ll be back” Toni rushed away.

“I think he’s been following me, he said my school wasn’t safe and that he was going to get me one way or another.” Tears started to well up in my eyes and Jughead’s tough exterior started to fade.

“Does Archie know? Or any of the rest of them?”

“Arch does, sorta. Apparently the Hood has been in contact with Betty and he started threatening her with me, said if she stopped doing what he wanted then he was going to take me. I don’t know what was going through Archie’s head when he made and posted that video, he basically just made a bigger target on our backs,” I explained, “but they don’t know that I know. I just overheard their conversation and then went home. Jug i’m absolutely terrified, i’ve been back for a few weeks and bad things are happening.”

By this time Toni is back with bandages and starts to clean me up.

“Yeah,” the Tall boy speaks up, “that was pretty stupid of your brother to post that. Jug, would you say that you and, uh, sorry what’s you’re name?” He questioned me.

“Uh, (Y/N).” you speak up.

“Okay, Jug are you and (y/n) close? So close that you would say she’s, like, say family?” The Tall boy just stared at Jughead and then made eye contact with Toni, who was smirking.

“What the hell Sweat Pea? What does this have to do with anything?” Jughead quizzically asked.

“Oh my gosh Jug, just answer the damn question.” Toni looked up at him.

“Well yeah, yeah she’s like a sister. Now can someone tell me why the hell this matters?” Jughead looks around at the smiling faces of the people that have gathered around us.

The Tall boy, Sweet Pea I now know, then speaks with a smile.

“(Y/N), you are now an honorary member of the Southside Serpents. Welcome.”

A/N: I think i’m going to write a part two, but want to see what the responses are to this first, let me know what you think in my ask box! also i’ll do requests! :)  

FP Jones/Andrew’s Family/Riverdale imagines - Oh Dear Part 16

Originally posted by archibald-andrewss

A/N: I was so excited to write this chapter. I hope you like it. 

(Part One)(Part Two)(Part Three)(Part Four)(Part Five)(Part Six)(Part Seven)(Part Eight)(Part Nine)(Part Ten)(Part Eleven)(Part Twelve)(Part Thirteen)(Part Fourteen)(Part Fifteen)

Overall Summary: You’re Archie’s old sister and you have a thing for a certain serpent

Pairing: Reader x FP Jones, Sister!Reader x Archie Andrews, Daughter!Reader x Fred Andrews

Word count: 2,399

Warnings: None really

You had no idea what Archie was thinking by putting that video up after you specifically told him to be careful but you knew one thing, you weren’t just gonna ignore it. 

Archie has always been stubborn and stupid when it comes to things he’s passionate about and you were the same way however, ever since your dad got shot, he’s been acting way further off the rails than usual and this was really pushing it. 

“What the hell were you thinking, Archie?! I said ‘defend not attack’. I said ‘be careful’!” You confronted Archie, running up to him in the hallway. You hadn’t seen him that morning considering the fact that you had to leave the house early so you could sneak out your Serpent’s jacket. 

The teenage Serpents wanted you on the south side that evening and you knew you’d have to head there straight after school, with Jughead being suspicious and a killer on the loose, you thought it was a safe idea to go there straight away so you’d be come back home by a reasonable time. 

“I’m not in the mood, (Y/n): I’ve already had this from Dad this morning.” Archie told you, not even looking at you or stopping. 

Keep reading

Coming Home (Chap 11)

Yikes, guys, just so many tissues oh my god. 

MASTERLIST HERE

Seriously. Invest in some tissues.

****************************************


“Tony.” Bucky stepped into the lab, waiting until the doors closed behind him before speaking. “Tony?”

“Bucky.” Tony was sitting at his computer, looking pale and anxious and Bucky moved a few steps closer, wings lifting in concern, stopping only when Tony put a hand up. “I need you to–shit.” He took a deep breath in, blowing it out slowly before he could talk again.

“Mission report. December 19th, 1991.”

“Tony.” Bucky jerked back a step. “What are you doing? Why would you–”

“Mission report.” Tony repeated. “December 19th 1991. Please.”

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Secrets We Keep // Spencer Reid x Reader

Request:  Hey, 💕😁 your requests are open! YASS! ❤ Can you do an Imagine, where the reader is a very good trained assassin and dating Reid but she is also on the team. But she never talked about her training and maybe after a hard case, she tells him about her training to an assassin. And maybe she started to cry because, it was a really dark moment in her life. ❤💕 Love ya and i hope it’s not a problem to write about this 😊

A/N: I apologize for how long this took! I rewrote it a million times and I’m still not sure I’m 100% happy with it but oh well lol. I hope you like it!


“Penelope?” you asked in surprise as you opened your front door. It was late, and Penelope had always been the type to call before dropping in for a visit.

“I did something,” Penelope began, her voice rising as it did when her anxiety over situations arose. “I know I shouldn’t have. I tell myself I need to stop being so nosy but I have the information right there at the tip of my fingers and I just can’t-”

“Pen,” you interrupted. “What did you do?”

She fell silent for a moment as she fidgeted in place. You watched as her hands nervously played with the bracelets on her wrists before she strode into your home.

“Penelope,” you repeated as you shut the door. “What did you do?”

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youtube

Me: Oh my gosh the part where Lust  helps Tk get ready for his ‘date’ with frisk was too perfect *tries to hold in my laughter but fails* hahaha, but Dunkle lust just ends up dressing Tk like a mini version of himself *wipes a tear from my eye* but seriously tho the voice actors for these two did an AMAZING job voicing them! .   [All rights go to the original creators of the comics, animations used in this video! and of course the youtube channel ‘Undertale Comic Tv’  who made this awesome vid ^^ ]

Whatever It Takes || Jeon Jungkook

Originally posted by myloveseokjin

Word Count: 1.7k

Genre: Angst/Fluff


Two years was a long time for most people, but after having to deal with busy schedules and barely any time to yourself, you soon got used to it. The idea that just a few years ago you had been a nobody, nothing, and now you were a popular solo artist in South Korea seemed to be such a huge surprise to you.

You found yourself still waking up some mornings wondering how you had gotten to this point in your life. How you hadn’t just given up yet, considering everything you’ve had to go through to get where you were. Two years was a long time, especially when you worked at the same company as your ex-boyfriend and had to see him every time you came together for award shows or meetings.

Jungkook had become known as the golden maknae of BTS, and you were proud of him. But you couldn’t deny a part of you ached every time you thought back to two years ago just before your debut date. It was his decision, and if you could go back you would have done everything in your power to change his mind, but you pushed through and lived with his choice.

Keep reading

This week I decided to do something a little different–video recs instead of fic recs! Which will return next week, but today I wanted to cry over STAR WARS videos for awhile and, sure, there’s some absolutely hilarious vids or really exciting, awesome vids, too! But there’s also a bunch of them that totally put tears in my eyes because why are you like this, Star Wars?

Long post under the cut!  (Categories:  Humor, The Sads, Shipper, Meta, Awesome, Serious Fanvids)
(Last updated:  2017.06.28)

STAR WARS - HUMOR
 VIDS:

Fuck This Shit, sequel trilogy
  I thought, okay, I’m going to rewatch this one to write a quick rec, I’m not going to laugh this time. I STILL BURST OUT LAUGHING, even knowing it was coming.
Firework, sequel trilogy/cast
   I laugh every single time I watch this video, this is it, this is me as a Star Wars fan. It’s one of those that takes a serious moment and puts a fun song over it and the result is magic.
Turn Down For What, prequel trilogy
   I will rewatch Satine’s epic speech with dramatic background music every time.
Palpatine Shooting Stars + Shooting Star, prequel trilogy, original trilogy, sequel trilogy
   I love this song more and more every time I see these videos, they’re hilarious. It’s kind of the epitome of meme culture but goddamn if it doesn’t make me genuinely laugh.
BLOCKED, prequel trilogy
   Never has this been so accurate. 

Keep reading

Of Old Memories And Future Moments

Surprise! A wild phanfic has appeared! I was watching PINOF8 when suddenly I had a moment of inspiration so I wrote this oneshot. Hope you like it!

summary: “Rummage inside Phil’s bedside drawer‘‘ it said. Oh no. What would have happened if Dan had found something more interesting than a lip-balm inside Phil’s bedside drawer?

word count: 2.6k

no trigger warnings


They had been filming Phil Is Not On Fire 8 for some time when…

’‘Wait a minute, wait a minute,” Dan said, pulling Phil aside so he could read the screen better “Rummage inside Phil’s bedside drawer, okay!” he exclaimed, rapidly moving towards it while Phil repeatedly saying “no” and trying to stop his friend.

Dan opened it and found a lip-balm which he picked up and exageratedly spoke to Phil, “How pale are you?”

Phil didn’t even have time to respond before Dan threw the lip-balm inside the drawer again and searched for something more he could show to the camera.

The black haired boy was still, not even daring to move a muscle. He wanted to stop Dan before he found something he didn’t really want him to see but it was too late.

“Phil, why…?” Dan looked at him, two pieces of a ripped photo on his hands, which he slowly put together to properly see the picture.

It was a photo of them back in 2012, before everything went down. It was a selfie of both of them, happily smiling at the camera while Dan’s hand squeezed both of their faces together. He remembers it well.

They had been a surprisingly warm Autumn day and they had been sightseeing London for hours when they stopped in Hyde Park for a rest, the sun was setting and not many people where there, only a few birds tweets could be heard. They sat under a tree, their thights touching while their backs were resting against the tree trunk, a pile of orange and red leaves around them.

“Let’s take a selfie to remember this day…” Dan said, taking the pocket size digital camera they had been carrying around all day.

Phil leaned a bit closer so he could fit into the frame, not really wanting to invade Dan’s personal space. Even though they had been together for a few years, he knew Dan didn’t like getting his personal space invaded, and he respected it.

“Phil, don’t be silly, get closer!” Dan laughed at him, one of his hands reaching his cheek to squish their faces together, not a centimetre left between them. Phil felt relieved and he finally allowed himself to smile properly before a flashing light blinded him.

He didn’t even have time to change his pose when he saw another flash of light, this time Dan’s lips on his cheek, giving him a peck.

“I really want to print these two, I really like them… what do you think Phil?” Dan’s voice brough him back to earth, shaking his head a bit and looking at the camera screen. They really were good photos.

“Yeah, I like them too. We look so happy, you make me so happy…” Phil whispered, giving Dan a peck on the cheek as the brown haired had done a few moments ago.

“You make me happy too…” Dan told him before kissing him hard against the tree trunk. Their kiss only ended when the last sun rays soaking their faces faded away, letting them know that the day was over even if they didn’t want it to end.

“Dan…” Phil’s timid voice brought him back to the moment they were now. Dan looked at him and then back at the picture which he still had in his hands, sad and hurtful memories clouding his mind now. His eyes were starting to water, not really wanting to recall the horrible argument that lead them to their break-up back in 2012, and how Dan had ripped that picture…

It was to much. The pressure was to much. After the “Valentine’s Video” had leaked a few days ago Dan couldn’t handle the comments he was receiving. He couldn’t imagine this was happening. And yes, in his mind it was all Phil’s fault, even though deep down he knew it wasn’t but he didn’t have anyone else to blame that’s why he was screaming at him right now. 

“Why did you even film that stupid video?” his voice sounded around the living room while he paced around.

Phil didn’t even respond, to scared to confront Dan, so he just shrugged his shoulders, making him smaller in the sofa seat.

“You knew I wasn’t ready to come out, and yet you outed us with that video! What made you think you had the right to do that, eh?” Dan’s face was red, he was angrier that he had ever been.

This time Phil tried to defend himself, “Because you are my boyfriend and I wanted to thank you and show how much I love you, that’s why I made the video and it leaked because of a YouTube glitch, it wasn’t my fault!”

Dan wasn’t listening as he was too angry to think clearly, he was still conviced Phil had made this all happen.

“Well, it’s a strange way to show how much you love me, making a video of pure bullshit so everyone can know what a happy couple we are when we aren’t!” Dan said, grabbing the photo of them squeezing their faces together that was resting in the bookshelf and shoving it into Phil’s face before ripping it in half and throwing the pieces onto the floor.

Phil’s face fell as soon as he saw Dan ripping the picture. He looked at the pieces that were now lying on the floor before speaking up “Are you not happy with me?”

“What?” Phil’s question took him surprisedly, he didn’t expect to hear that from the blue eyed.  

“Are you not happy with me? I don’t want to be the one who makes unhappy, you don’t deserve that…” Phil spoke, his timid voice was loud enough so Dan could hear it.

“Damnit Phil! No, I’m not happy! I told you I was but no, I’m not and I don’t think I have ever been” Dan lied, still angered about the video thing, wanting to hurt Phil as much as he had hurt him, even though it was not the same.

Phil let a tear slide down his cheek and quickly cleaned it with his hand, hoping Dan didn’t notice. And he was right, because Dan keept screaming at him.

“I tried to be happy but you just keep doing things that made me wonder why do I like you! This was the last straw Phil… We should break up.” Dan’s last words were almost quiet, he didn’t meant to voice those word. They were a lie. But his brain  and his anger weren’t cooperating.

Phil lifted his head and looked at his brown eyes, “let me fix this, you are my best friend too, I cannot lose you Dan…” he pleaded him, taking a few steps forward and trying to grab his hands, but thinking it twice about it Phil retracted them to he side.

Dan considered what Phil was asking him. He didn’t really want to lose his best friend either. So he took a deep breath and responded “let me think about it, and yes, you are gonna fix this because if you don’t we are done.”

And with that Dan left the room, letting Phil sat back down on the sofa with his head buried in his hands before picking up the ripped picture and saving it in his bedside drawer, where he knew Dan would never find it.

Dan remembers now how Phil had stayed days and nights trying to take down every single video and hurtful comment that he could find, trying to fix it. To fix them. He also recalls Phil’s voice, asking for forgiveness and trying to get back together, but Dan couldn’t handle it. Not anymore. He was still angry at Phil, angry at himself, for being insecure, for not trusting him enough  .So, not really wanting to lose Phil he agreed to stay as friends until today.

“Dan…” the blue eyed’s voice brought him back to reality, fixing his gaze in the clear blue orbs that were watering. Oh no.

“Why did you save it? After I hurt you so much why did you?” Dan questioned him. Phil didn’t know that he had lied all those years ago and he decided he was going to tell him, but he needed to hear Phil’s statement first.

“Yeah, you are right, you hurt me with your words but I hurt you too. You said I made you unhappy, but I kept staring at that picture and I knew our smiles were real. We were happy. I didn’t know what I did to make you so miserable so I’m sorry for whatever I did…” Phil took a breath before continuing, “I saved the picture because deep down I knew I had made you happy at some point in our relationship, the laughs and smiles of that day couldn’t be fake, I know they weren’t. So that’s why it was in my bedside drawer, because everytime I feel down, even though it hurts, I look at and compare it to many of the photos I see of you on Tumblr to see if you have the same smile as you did. And you have it. You have the same smile and I realized that even though we are not together you are happy and that’s what matters.”

Dan was crying, he didn’t expect those words from Phil. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and he still was beating himself up because Dan had lied all those years ago. He just wanted Dan to be happy, and Dan hadn’t done anything to thank him.

“Phil no,” Dan said, leaving the picture on the bed and hugging his friend, who circled his arms around his waist, bringing him in a much needed hug. “Phil, I’m sorry and you are gonna hate me for this but I lied to you all those years ago.”

“What?” Phil whispered, trying to untangle from the hug but Dan didn’t let him.

“I lied to you. I was happy with you. You made me happy. I lied because I was hurt. After the video leaked and I read all those comments I was angry and I wanted to hurt you too. I knew it wasn’t your fault but I was still a kid and I didn’t know how to react… I was in such a bad place with uni and then this, it had been all too much to handle and I eneded up balming you and hurting you. I’m sorry Phil, I’m so sorry.” Dan was fully sobbing now, his face buried on Phil’s neck, whiskers smugged.

Phil was silently crying too, not really making any noise so Dan wouldn’t have to worry about him either. Dan was right. He had been a kid when all of that happened, and even though their relationship had been strong the pressure of fame and the comments had hurt, leading Dan to break their relationship so he didn’t had to deal with all of it. He had been in a bad place then, but Phil understood everything now.

“Dan, shhh Dan… I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.” Phil tried to calm him down, but it didn’t seem to be doing much. “I understand now why you did what you did. I understand. I’m sorry too.”

“But Phil you have nothing to be sor…” Dan tried to explain himself but the blue eyed didn’t let him.

“No, Dan, don’t try to excuse me” Phil grabbed Dan’s head and made him look into his eyes, “you have grown so much since that happened, we both have. I made mistakes too, I hurt you too, and we have learnt from them…”

“I’m glad our friendship was strong enough so I wouldn’t lose you.” Dan whispered to Phil, hanging his head down and picking the discarded photo again, putting the pieces together to look at the picture again. He wasn’t crying anymore, but some of the tears left fell onto the picture.

“You will never lose me. I promise you that,” Phil said, picking up one of the photo’s pieces and lookng at it, “Even if neither of us would want to admit it we needed each other, even as friends, even if we eneded up not speaking for weeks I was reassured that you were still in the flat.” the blue eyed said, knowing Dan felt the same.

Even if they hadn’t spoken for weeks he was glad Dan was in the other room, it was a sign that neither of them was ready to let the other go, that they still needed each other, even if it was a few feet away.

“Wait here…” Phil stood up, leaving Dan confusedly sitting on the bed, but before he could say anything Phil came back with a roll of sticky tape.

Without a word, Phil took the two ripped pieces of the photo and tapped them together, making it whole again. He lifted it and gave it to Dan, “here, for you.”

Dan was deeply touched by Phil’s gesture, but he couldn’t accept it, he had damaged that photo and with that their relationship and Phil had fixed it again for him. He wanted to bitterly laugh at the metaphor, to be honest.

“Phil, I can’t… I ripped it in the first place, I don’t deserve to have it back.” Dan told him, handing it back to him but Phil put his hands behind his back making it impossible to give it to him.

“No, no, it is a ’'no return” gift, now you will have to keep it forever!“ Phil said, a smile on his face.

The blue eyed’s silly antics made Dan laugh and even though he could leave the picture just there, he couldn’t bare himself  to do that.

’'Thank you” Dan sincerely said, looking onto Phil’s eyes and triying to communicate with his gaze what he couldn’t with his words, hoping Phil would understand. Not just for the picture, but for understanding, for forgiving him, for being such a good friend… even if Dan still loved him like he had done years back. He never stopped to be honest.

“No need to thank me, there is nothing sticky tape and a truthful conversation cannot fix.” And with that Phil winked at him, grabbing the sharpie from the nightstand and drawing the whiskers back again in Dan’s face, who smiled widely at him at the gesture.

“Now c'mon, we still have a few questions to answer.” Phil said trying to grab the phone that was on the other side but before he could do it Dan tackled him onto the bed, landing on top of him, grabbing the sharpie from his hand and lifting it to Phil’s face, “yours are smudged too, you spork!”

They both laughed and Dan started his work. Phil didn’t even realize he had his eyes closed when instead of a sharpie he felt a pair of chapped lips on his, making slowly move them, enjoying and remembering the sweet sensation of Dan’s lips he had missed so much.

Once the kiss ended, Dan looked at him, scared of his reaction.

“You know? You laugh at me for having lip-balm on the bedside drawer, but if you plan on kissing me again I suggest you start using some!” Phil told him jokingly, making Dan release a breath he had been holding before hitting him on the chest before burying his head on the crook of Phil’s neck.

“I hate you.” Dan whispered into his ear.

“I hate you too.” Phil responded, before hugging Dan a bit closer, just the sound of their breaths in the room.

Phil Is Not On Fire 8 could wait.

Benevolence 7

7/20 The moment so many of you having been waiting for….

Word Count: 5,579



I was walking down one of the streets in Seoul. It was pitch black outside and everything was at a dead silence. No cars on the road, no one was walking around handing out those little business cards. Usually in America I would have been scared and ran the whole way home. However, in Seoul I’ve noticed there wasn’t ever a reason to be scared at least not for me. Obviously ever country has it’s rapist, murderers and robbers but the chances of seeing one while walking the streets on a weeknight was unlikely.

The high heels of the shoes I was wearing scraped across the cracks of the street. I was currently on my way home, I was at school and decided to stay late since that was were all the sewing supplies were at. I lost track of time and now I have to rush home to my boyfriend before he freaks out. I felt a vibration on the pocket of my shirt. Dipping my fingers into the fabric, I pulled out my phone. Speak of the devil, he was calling right now.

“Are you okay? It’s really late Y/N, where are you?”, Baekhyun panicked into the phone.

“I’m fine I’m almost there just a few blocks away.”, I sighed stepping over a small gate to cross to the other side of town.

“Good, what street are you on?”, He asked letting out a breathe of relief. “Let’s stay on the phone till you get here.”

Letting out a another sigh I looked up to see which street I was on, “Wongdang-daero” I didn’t bother reading the numbers since he would know where I was at. “Fine we might as well Mr. Overprotective.”

“Hush I’m protective over you for a reason.”, He snapped playfully “How did designing go today.”

“Like it does any other day, I’m booked with plenty of work to do.”, I gave a light chuckle a sound of a car lightly hitting my ears. The sound of it got louder and louder until it was a mere 60 feet away from me.

The only problem was the car was coming right at me.

It was dark outside so I couldn’t see anyone in the car only the front of the lights my breathing started going at faster pace. I didn’t say anything to Baekhyun since there would be no point he couldn’t do anything. The car wasn’t stopping it was coming closer and closer to me. So, I did the only think I  could do in this situation, run. Turning around I started running as fast as my feet would let me. The phone was no longer pressed to my ear as my feet were running across the concrete. Who the fuck was this, why all of a sudden does someone try to run me off of the sidewalk.

“I love you too.”, I heard a light whisper on the phone it didn’t sound like Baekhyun’s voice which is why I had made the mistake I did. Lifting the phone to my ear I listened to see if anything else was said.

“I’ll see you later.”, That was Baekhyun’s voice did he not notice I stopped talking on the phone.

“What the hell are you doing?”, I panted on the phone causing my running to come to a slow pace. Unfortunately I shouldn’t have done that within a few seconds the car came to an impact with my body. 

The next thing I remember was being on the ground blood covering my hand and my cracked cell phone. I couldn’t move I was unsure of whether or not I had broken any bones since I had never broken one before in my life.

“Y/N, Y/N, Y,N what the hell just happened? Answer me damn it!”, I heard Baekhyun scream on the phone. I heard the car  door shut and footsteps began to inch closer towards me. Turning my heads towards the person who had hit me with the car, I couldn’t make out a face. I had already blacked out.


“I’m done.”

“Baby don’t start this again you aren’t going anywhere you always end up staying.”, He snapped grabbing my arm.

“NO, not this time I’m done you just made me realize how little you care about anything I want. My designing career you use that as a toy to keep me around, I wasn’t even told about this  ‘relationship’ until she had already moved in. Then you just told all of the other members that I’m basically your second option when Taeyeon isn’t around. Do you see what you’re doing, plotting all of this shit out without my consent?”

“You can’t just stop like this, we’ve been through too much together.”, He growled roughly snatching me into his chest. His breathing was at an unbelievable pace but still, I couldn’t let him sway me. At his point there honestly wasn’t a fuck for me to give.

“You, haven’t been through shit I however, have looked like a dumb ass for way too long now Baekhyun. You can’t just continue to mistreat me and expect me to still love you.”  At the last sentence his face went from angry to sad and confused. His grip on my arm loosen letting me step back a few inches.

“You don’t love me anymore?”, His voice was weak, like a child who had gotten caught for drawing on the walls while being scolded.

“What do you think the answer to that is?”, In all honesty I didn’t know the answer myself. Of course your love for someone can always fade overtime if you’re not receiving love from them but, could you completely stop loving them? If you sit down now and think about any good memories you had with them the sides of your lips wouldn’t tug up just a little?

“Oh my god.”, He whispered sobbing a little due to the fact that I was shorter than him a few of his tears fell down on my cheek. “Y/N, I’m so sorry please let’s take a vacation just you and I to patch things up. Don’t ruin our relationship ov-”, I cut up off before he could finish his sentence.. me I was the one to ruin this relationship? This relationship was doomed from the moment it had began. His intentions were made clear to me a long time ago. 

“Don’t fucking try to blame this on me.”, I hissed shoving at his chest. “You brought Taeyeon here, you got back together with her and you have been mistreating me.”

“I know I haven’t been acting the best lately but, it’s because-” he spoke before I cut him off once again. At this point I honestly think Baekhyun has mental issues or something is just fucked up in his dumb ass mind.

“You haven’t been the best lately? Are you fucking kidding me? You wanna know what you said to a couple weeks ago when I asked if you wanted to go to the fashion event with me? You told me you’d rather suck a dick then sit at that event with me. You are so insensitive, the best part is when Taeyeon happen to bring it up you were delighted to go. Once again causing us to all three end up somewhere when you know damn well I don’t like that bitch.”

“Why do you act like that towards her, she’s been nothing but nice towards you.”, He spoke in frustration.

“Of course she has because fucking with my relationship is really being nice sorry Taeyeon, let me get down on my knees for you.”, I laughed sarcastically. “Why do you even want me to stay with you? You’ve used me enough you clearly love Taeyeon more than you’ve ever loved me.”

“That’s not true Y/N, and damn well know it. I’ve always taken good care of you. How did you get that job at Paradise Kiss, because of me. How did you started making your own designs as SM’s top fashion designer, because of me.”, He snapped running out of air in his lungs. “I’ve always made sure you were happy and had the things you wanted.”

Did this son of a bitch really just try and take credit for my hard work?

“First off all, that ‘job’ you got me at SM was to run around doing whatever the fuck the actual designers told me to do. I didn’t get bumped up to top designer until I started sneaking some of my designs into some of your music videos.  That job at Paradise Kiss was given to me when he brought it up you just introduced the two of us.”, I snarled towards him. I couldn’t believe he just tried to take away from my hard work.

“What about the promise you made to your mother.”, He whispered as I was getting ready to turn around. He really tried to pull all the cards out of the deck, using my mother against me.

Turning back around to face him, I watched as more tears continued to roll down his cheeks. He looked so pitiful, was this how used to look like whenever I cried and begged him to make Taeyeon leave? Where had my self respect gone? I couldn’t stop them giggles began to fall from my mouth as I watched a confused look form on his face.

“Excuse me, sorry for that.”, I apologized trying to stop the laughter from coming out of my mouth. Once I was about to stop the giggles I spoke.

“At first, I was so mad at myself for this, I honestly would’ve stayed with you for the rest of my life because of the promise I made to my mother. Hell, it was the only reason I was staying with you.”, I chuckled looking to the ground before back into his eyes.

“But, I realized my mother wouldn’t have wanted me to be going through what she went through just to keep my promise. Although, I’m still mad at myself I won’t punish myself for it any longer. It’s funny because, if I would’ve just continued telling you to fuck off I wouldn’t have gone through any of this.”, I spoke to him. 

It was true, I was truly sorry for breaking my promise to my mother. To anyone else it wouldn’t have been a big deal it’s just the fact that she died knowing I hated her. Yet, she was always proud of the fact that I was still stronger than her, that I still wanted her to continue to get better. That was the only thing she had ever really asked of me, and I wanted it to be my dying gift to her. It’s too late now, I’ve shattered the promise I made to her now however, now that I’ve been punished for it I’m tired. I’m tired of loving him, I’m tired of being held down and mistreated. But, most of all I’m tired of feeling so disgusted with myself.

“So that’s it then?”, He asked quietly wiping the remaining tears leaving his face. “It’s over because of this small petty thing. It’s over because I told them the truth.”

“No, it’s over because it needed to be, our relationship should’ve been over the moment Taeyeon came back into the picture. I was just to stupid to bring myself to break away.”, I said before turning around walking away. 

As I was going towards the stairs I heard his footsteps behind me. I didn’t bother turning around because he didn’t say anything. He was just heading in the same direction as me but, it was still awkward. I didn’t want to feel like this the entire trip. I’m surprised he didn’t hit me with the “Let’s stay friends” bullshit.  

Hitting the corner as I made my way downstairs I heard loud screams. Were the rest of the members arguing with Taeyeon? My thoughts were answered when I heard Kai’s voice shout back at her.

“This is and always will be your fault. Do you even feel bad for what happened?”, His words snarled at her.

Rushing past me Baekhyun dashed towards the kitchen, my nosy ass wanted to know why Kai was so upset so, I followed along. As I was walking behind him I realized that Baekhyun was so wrapped up in Taeyeon. Even after what just happened he couldn’t wait to brush past me to get towards her. I know I shouldn’t feel like this since I broke up with him but, it still hurts me.

“If you weren’t such a fucking dick maybe she’d still be with you?”, I heard Taeyeon’s voice speak as we rushed into the kitchen. When I walked fully into the room there stood Taeyeon with tears rushing down her eyes and kai with his jaw clenched and fists balled up. 

I had seen this look on a man one too many times it was obvious what was about it happen, at least to anyone who saw someone being abused.

Kai was getting ready to hit Taeyeon.

I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped my mouth. Kai out of all people was not one I had expected to want to raise his hand at a woman. As much as I felt Taeyeon deserved to get the shit slapped out of her she didn’t deserve to be abused when she can’t defend herself. Has he done this before?

All eyes in the room shifted towards me, Kai’s look soften a bit when we made eye contact. I didn’t know how to react because I, didn’t know what was going on. Was Kai really getting ready to hit Taeyeon or was he just angry? Looking him up and down once more, I couldn’t deny it. He was getting ready to hit her.

“Kai, don’t you dare do that.”, I whispered harshly towards him, a guilty look flashed on his face before it was quickly covered up with a confused one. 

“Calm down Y/N, we’re just having an argument.”, He mumbled releasing his fists. He was lying, it was so obvious. His hands were trembling and his eyes darted across the room way too quickly. His chest was even still rising with anger.

“Kai you can’t be like that. Not you of all people.”, I muttered shaking my head at him as Taeyeon’s eyes looked over at me trying to understand the situation. Turning my eyes towards Baekhyun, who was already looking at me he came to understand the situation. His eyes full of rage, shifted towards Kai who was still as confused as ever.

“Get the fuck away from her.”, Baekhyun snapped through gritted teeth while charging towards Kai. I’ve never seen Baekhyun this angry before it was worse than when his bipolar ass flipped out on me in that restaurant.  I know I shouldn’t say things like that because at this point Baekhyun could really have a mental condition that I’m not aware of.

“Shut the fuck up Baekhyun.”, Kai spat towards him. “It’s not like she can’t take responsibility for her actions.”

“Stop with your rivalry with her Kai. You’re my band mate and she’s the woman I love.”, Baekhyun spoke aggressively towards him. I mean damn that didn’t hurt me at all.

“I thought that was Y/N, I guess you’d rather be with trash then treat her like a respected woman.”

“What are you doing to Taeyeon now huh?”

“You can’t treat a hoe like a woman.”

Baekhyun’s fist connected with Kai’s jaw causing his had to turn to the side. He didn’t even stumble back before giving Baekhyun a punch.

“Stop Baekhyun.”, Taeyeon tried to butt-in as I gave her the side eye. I wasn’t going to do anything to stop it, this was a battle between two grown men. Who just so happened to be arguing about women. I was honestly surprised with Baekhyun’s strength.

After a few more seconds the fight died down. Both men had each other in a head lock, Baekhyun strained his neck to whisper something in Kai’s ear. Taeyeon and I couldn’t hear what was said but, Kai visibly tensed up as they let each other go. Baekhyun rushed towards Taeyeon asking if she was okay, my gaze shifted towards Kai who watched the two with disgust.

“She loved you, you loved her. You talked about her all the damn time and I was happy for you because you weren’t crying all the time about Taeyeon anymore. I can’t believe you’d just run back to that bitch the moment she asked for you.”, Kai spat at him before walking out the backdoor that lead back to the top of the boat.

I stood there for a minute not knowing what to do, Taeyeon and Baekhyun were still in the room watching me.

“Y/N, we didn’t mea-”, Taeyeon started before I was already walking out the door. I had enough it was hard being in the same room as them. I couldn’t bring myself to speak because there was nothing left to say. Taeyeon couldn’t say anything that would change it because it was already done. I went out the same door Kai did to go after him.

Kai was outside looking at the sea mumbling curses to himself. His hands were balled into fists before he released them burying his face into his palms. I didn’t think I could see him get so mad at a person. As much as I’m angry and both Taeyeon and Baekhyun what could they have done to anger Kai this much? 

 “Kai, what the hell was that?”, I asked trying to be cautious not knowing what might set him off. His head lifted up looking towards me with an irritated look on his face.

“Just… She’s…”, He couldn’t get the sentence out because when our eyes met he looked so guilty. “Look I know what it might’ve looked like and yes we were in a pretty heated argument but still, Y/N I would never lay my hands on a woman.”

I nodded my head showing my understanding. I needed to hear him out because this was so unlike Kai and I only assumed because of the similar signs that I’ve seen previously. I didn’t realize how different the two situations were though. The man that my mom was dating was seriously messed up, he was a narcissist the smallest of things set him off. He put two dents in my mom’s car because she corrected him over a small lie. I couldn’t compare Kai to him.

“What could’ve she said to make you so mad then? Was it something personal?”, I asked keeping voice at a calm steady level.

“Y/N, I can’t tell you why but, Taeyeon is not innocent she’s not nice and sweet either but still, she could never make angry to the point where’d I want to hit her. I was balling my fists because I was waiting on Baekhyun to enter the room. I just didn’t expect you to be with him, are you two still together?”, He asked after explaining what happened.

I scrunched my nose up completely forgetting Baekhyun and I were ever together. There wasn’t enough time to pay attention to it or I just didn’t want to.

“No, I was heading back to the room while he went to the kitchen when I heard Taeyeon yelling, then I remembered you said you’d be waiting in there.”, I spoke sitting down leaning against my arms.

“Do you regret what you did?”, He asked curiously. I’m not stupid he’s trying to change the subject so he doesn’t have to talk about Taeyeon whatever she did must’ve been terrible because the rage was clear in his eyes whenever he spoke of her.

“No, I don’t even think the reality of the situation has hit me. I am mad at myself though.”, I chuckled staring at the sea the best I could from where I was sitting.

“Why? You did nothing wrong.”, Kai suddenly got defensive about the whole situation. “She’s the slut and he’s the dickhead who likes to cheat on his girlfriend.” 

The sides of my lips tugged up, I wonder what his reaction would be if I told him the whole story. He’d probably go back in to start another fight with Baekhyun, but I won’t. The whole thing was over now adding fuel to the fire would be pointless. Do I want Baekhyun to be happy, hell no. I’m just not the type to forgive and forget because, every time I see you after that I’ll get irritated.

“I’m mad for not leaving him sooner, and I kind of just ruined the entire trip. I feel like a failed because I allowed myself to be-”, I cut myself off not wanting to finish and If I said anything else I would’ve told him everything.

“You didn’t ruin anything that bitch did, don’t you ever think about yourself badly. You are not a failure because of someone else’s fuck ups. I’m just pissed he’d treat you like that after how they broke up.”

“How’d they break up?”, I asked, I knew it wasn’t on a good but it clearly wasn’t bad enough for them to get back together.

“Let’s not get into that.”, He blurted out lacing his fingers with mine. “Please let’s just have a good time the rest of the trip.”

“You know I’m going to ask about it later.”, I pointed out talking about the avoided subjects.

“I know”

I didn’t know how I felt, I was lost. How was I supposed to feel after leaving him it’s not like he was really gone anyway. He’s probably having sex with Taeyeon, I knew either way the break up wouldn’t hurt him. I just couldn’t be unhappy anymore. I’m thankful for what Kai said early but still, I was angry with myself. Not because I failed with Baekhyun but because I had failed my mom.

“I’m going back to the room, are you coming?”, I asked him causing our hands to break away from each other.

“No I’ll be down soon, goodnight.”

“Why’d you say goodnight?”, I asked him

“Because, you always fall asleep whenever you go lay down.”, He chuckled.

“Who said I was going to lay down?”, I shot back causing him to full blown laugh.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight Kai.”

“Y/N?”, Yixing spoke to me as we unfolded the blankets to get underneath the blankets. Looking up to meet his gaze Yixing’s eyes were filled with concern. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it, Honey?”

Climbing the small set of stairs to get into the large bed, I lie down on the side closet the the other nightstand turning towards him.

“No, I’m fine it’s just crazy how fast everything has changed. I feel bad now because I’ve sort of ruined the trip for everyone.”, I chuckled while he got comfortable scooting closer next to me.

“No you didn’t Taeyeon did, none of us liked her but, Baekhyun insisted she’d come.”, He explained trying to ease the situation. “I just really wished Baekhyun would’ve treated you better.”

“Some things just aren’t meant to be I guess.”, I said trying to lighten the mood when in the truth it wasn’t because we weren’t meant to be it was because we kept fucking up. I don’t believe in that fate bullshit you choose whether or not you want someone in your life.

“Where’s kai?”

“He’s still outside, he’ll be back down here soon.”, I assured him.

“What are you going to do once we get back to Seoul?”, He asked me. In truth I didn’t know, I wasn’t going to stay at his place but, I don’t have the cash to just drop on key money plus rent and most likely gas, water and electric.

“I guess I’ll have to figure something out.”, I muttered closing my eyes wanting to sleep things off. I wasn’t in the right mind set to be thinking about things like this right now.

“No, we’ll figure it out I won’t let you struggle Y/N.”, He whispered as I fell asleep. I know it isn’t right to just ignore my problems but it was better this way, I wanted to focus on something else, anything else. Yixing and Kai seemed to be helping me do that just for now, I think I need them.


“You look sexy.”, Kai grinned biting his lip before his hand connected with my ass.

“Let’s not get your dick ripped off Kai because you want to be a pervert.”, I said with a sharp tone before climbing over the railing to sit on the front of the boat. It was a couple of days after the break up and it was awkward as hell. There was a clear divide on this damn boat. You had the two nobody liked or fucked with at the moment, Baekhyun and Taeyeon. Then you had the rest of the exo members who were in an awkward position from choosing sides. Then you have Yixing, Kai and I who just don’t want to be bothered at all. 

Right now the three of us were standing on deck getting ready to do what I thought was fishing however, Kai had something different in mind.

“Let’s have a threesome.”

Yixing’s head shot up in disgust, while I furrowed my eyebrows. Why is this man so perverted? I didn’t want to ask what happened with Krystal since apparently they were broken up before I had even met Kai.

“No I’m not into that kind of thing.”, Yixing scrunched his nose up. He told me once that he believed everyone out there had a person they could spend the rest of their lives with. 

That was one of things I’d admired the most about him, his loyalty. Let’s be honest here we’re all selfish when it comes to our romantic partners. Even if you aren’t being possessive by saying “You’re mine, you belong to me.” we still expect their romantic attention to only be on us. If your boyfriend gets caught kissing another girl you’d be pissed. If they had sex with another girl that’s a break up. Then if you’re married that’s a whole damn divorce because you expect them to only pay attention to you. What if it was different, would it be okay to cheat on your partner as long as you came back to them? 

“I’ll pass no offense.”, I giggled helping Yixing pull out the chairs. I’ve had enough threesomes with Taeyeon and Baekhyun. Could you even call it that when the focus was always on the two of them.

 Even being in that so called poly relationship I realized those aren’t perfect either. You still want attention and affection, watching one of your partners constantly make love and spend time with the other, while only kissing you and telling you they love you every once in awhile isn’t enough. You want more because we’re selfish in the end our jealously gets to us and… that’s okay.

“Why would that be an offense, I’m a grower not a shower.”, He insisted and I did want to think about the size of Kai’s penis.

“Okay let’s change the subject I do not want to think about the size of your penis Kai.”, I muttered staying closer to the edge of the boat looking over the poles and down at the sea.

“I’m being serious Yixing is decent when soft but I’m telling you, get me hard and I’m huge.”

“Kai that’s enough.”, Yixing muttered disgusted with the current conversation about the size of his penis. I mean I’ve only ever since Baekhyun’s dick and you can’t go of the size of porn stars so, I had no room to judge.

“Remember that stupid scene from the Titanic where Rose was supposedly flying.”, I chuckled remembering the scene since I had one of my feet lifted on the poles looking down at the water.

“Hey, that wasn’t stupid it was romantic.”, Yixing pouted while Kai walked over to where I was standing. He lifted his feet onto the poles hovering over me.

“Come on I’ll show you.”, Kai smirked rubbing on my shoulder. Sighing I lifted my other foot fully on the poles, this just seemed so awkward to me.

“I don’t see the point of this.”, I mumbled Titanic was my favorite movie when I was younger but once I re-watched it as a teenager that bitch, knew she had enough room for him.

“That’s because Kai isn’t doing it properly.”, Yixing chuckled before lifting his feet onto the poles wrapping his arms around Kai’s waist lightly.

“I’m flying.”, Kai shouted right into my ear throwing himself into a fit of giggles.

“I still don’t see the point of this.”, I groaned turning my head towards the two men. Yixing just chuckled while an evil smirk appeared on Kai’s face. His grip around my waist loosened on one arm and tightened on the other.

“This will make it more interesting.”, He chuckled raising his arm lifting my chin towards him causing our lips to meet. I didn’t tense up yet, I still didn’t kiss him back. Still there was no reason for me to push him away. His lips pressed deeper into mine while his nails dug into my chin. After a few moments he pulled away with a large grin plastered on is face. Looking behind him Yixing stood with his cheeks flustered with a hint of irritation in his eyes.

“Don’t just kiss her Kai damn you’re way to comfortable with her.”, He scolded letting go of Kai’s waist gently grabbing my arm helping me back on the boat.

“It was just a kiss.”, Kai chuckled jumping back on board winking at me before laying back across the beach chair he sat in previously. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t try and stick your tongue down her throat.”, Yixing huffed swiping his thumb across my lips to remove any scent of Kai.

“Hey, don’t wipe off my love.”, He shouted playfully slightly lifting himself off of the chair. Yixing wrapped a thin silk like piece of fabric around my waist tying a slight knot before adjusting it.

“What are you doing?”, I asked curiously it’s not like I was wearing a cheeky bathing suit. I was actually wearing a one piece since I still wasn’t sure how accepted bathing suits were in Korea. It didn’t bother me honestly because, I never liked wearing bikinis it just felt like I was walking around in bra and panties.  Still, it didn’t really matter since it’s a new era and things are slowly changing in Korea.

“Oh, don’t think anything of it, I thought the color went well with your swimsuit.”, He smiled a small blush rising on his cheeks before itching the back of my neck.

“He’s marking his territory.”, Kai interrupted the small moment with his comment. “It’s so obvious he might as well piss on you.”, He giggled when an offended gasp came out of Yixing’s mouth. I knew he wasn’t trying to which is why I didn’t get pissed.

If I’m being honest with myself I don’t know how I ended up following my mother’s footsteps. I was well aware of the fact that children who saw their parents being abused could go down the same path so, I desperately tried to make sure that never happened. 

Ever since I was 14 I had this strong desperation of being in control of myself. If someone told me what to do or how to live, even if it benefited me I got so upset. Once my mother was joking and said “You’re mine, I own you.” and it pissed me off. We got into a huge argument about it whether or not she was my mother or guardian I’m in control of myself.  We all are, if you choose to let someone control you then that’s on you but, when someone tries to force control it irks me.

“No, it’s not like that at all.”, Yixing said firmly snapping me out of my thoughts his eyes searching mine for any doubt. I giggled and pinched one of his cheeks smiling in Kai’s direction.

“I know you would never do anything like that.”, I chuckled before fully turning towards Kai who held a smug look on his face. “But you would, wouldn’t you? Now I have to be careful around you because of that little kiss.”, I spoke as Kai got up from the chair once again strolling towards Yixing and I. Once he was a few feet away he draped his arm around my shoulders.

“Come on, it was a joke don’t take away my fun.”, He said with a pout  on his face.

“Don’t get too close.”, Yixing warned standing closer behind Kai and I. I knew what was coming next, Kai is a piece of shit who liked pissing people off.

“Leave us alone aren’t we a thing now Y/N?”, Kai asked me with a playful glint in his eyes causing me to roll mine. 

“Stop being a pervert, Kai.”, I groaned pushing his arm off of me getting ready to snap on him however, his lips connected with mine once again. It was any different from the first kiss Kai was just being an ass.

Except this time when I pulled away Taeyeon and Baekhyun stood there

and he was pissed.