this video made me tear up

anonymous asked:

the problem with matpat, in my opinion is well how do i even explain it. Frankly the best way to pinpoint my problem with MatPat is a FNAF theory for the latest game in the series, Sister Location. You know, the game series that ABSOLUTELY MADE HIS DAMN CHANNEL and he spends 5 minutes before tackling the theory at hand criticizing Scott Cawthon on his writing and that he, MatPat, knows better what's canon than Scott Cawthon. He's so overly smug and arrogant.

You guys want to know my problems with MatPat?

This anon pretty much just underlined one of my most major points.

Here’s something so many people don’t seem to get about the field both I and MatPat are in:

Channels like ours, despite how much original material we try to make and inject into our videos, survive completely on the content other people make. We are ‘derivative content channels’–we only get to make videos because other people made something we can discuss, and analyze, and rotate all around to show our audiences all the cool pieces involved in a thing that someone else made.

When it comes to mainstream media products like theatrical films, major console video games, etc., it’s more than okay to complain and talk about their faults and failings; these are professional-grade products that are supposed to be of the highest quality and pedigree, made by veterans and educated professionals in their fields with plenty of money and resources to do the job write and make sure consumers feel good.

When it comes to independent material, like I mostly cover, you’re dealing with someone who was brave enough to try something without all the pedigree, resources, power, and experience of the mainstream field. And often, the independent material is made by someone who did everything themselves.

If you’re making your bread and butter on YouTube covering mainstream stuff, you’re part of a very large group in a very large field of media that extends well beyond YouTube.

If you’re covering indie material and lone creators who are making things with cameras they bought at a local store and computers in their basements after long days of work in their home town, then you’re working with underdogs, and being a parasite to those underdogs instead of a mutualistic symbiote is totally intolerable to me. You don’t go and tear down people who have nothing and are just trying to make their way up, and if you’re gaining something from them, you’d better be giving something in return.

Scott Cawthon’s Five Nights at Freddy’s series has been MatPat’s biggest goldmine, and I’ve seen MatPat turn from being a mutualistic symbiote to hateful parasite while still fully aware that Scott Cawthon is an indie creator whose work made Game Theory thousands and thousands of dollars.

I know YouTube figures, and I can tell you that MatPat’s FNAF videos have certainly made him at least $1,000 each, with earlier entries making at least $3,000 by the time they made 3 million views. It’s not possible that they haven’t.

Has Scott himself become wealthy from his creation? Hell yeah! Does that change the fact that he’s an indie creator who got extremely lucky and does everything himself, and all of his work is the reason MatPat’s been making a disgusting amount of YouTube bucks? 

NO.

If you want to see the phrase “Biting the hand that feeds you” in action, look no further than Game Theory. MatPat’s very direction for Five Nights coverage has gone from biting the hand that fed him to actually eating it for the sole purpose of hurting Scott Cawthon while still making money off his work.

I have watched MatPat attack Scott Cawthon, insult Scott Cawthon, tell the man he can’t write his own games correctly, insist that he’s broken his own story because MatPat can’t make sense of something, and generally be a hateful, disrespectful, ungrateful narcissist.

I HAVE SEEN MATPAT MAKE A THEORY VIDEO MONTHS IN ADVANCE OF A GAME BEING RELEASED. Do you think that’s because he GENUINELY figured out a game he hadn’t even seen, or because he knew he’d make LOTS OF MONEY doing it?

And yet MatPat still has the audacity to attack, insult, demean, and devalue a man whose work has personally made him thousands of dollars and many millions of views and subscribers. Not just a man, either, but an indie creator who has done everything himself and devoted so many sleepless nights to making Five Nights at Freddy’s games, doing his best to improve each new installment so it makes us more impressed than before.

Scott Cawthon got lucky, yes, but he’s still the man who was about to quit his dream of being a professional video game developer if ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s,’ a Hail Mary attempt, did not work. He still has run this ship alone and done everything in his power to keep it pure and stay a Scott Cawthon original despite all the success and fame he’s achieved.

Is the man above criticism because of who he is, what he’s been, and what he’s achieved? No, of course not. But should criticism of him and his work be delivered respectfully, in a way that isn’t smug and cruel?

Yes, especially when it’s criticism levied by someone who made thousands of dollars off Scott Cawthon’s work and continues to do so. Instead, MatPat chose to effectively spit in Scott’s face with his platform while reaching into his wallet.

And that’s just one major reason I lost immense respect for him.

Secrets We Keep // Spencer Reid x Reader

Request:  Hey, 💕😁 your requests are open! YASS! ❤ Can you do an Imagine, where the reader is a very good trained assassin and dating Reid but she is also on the team. But she never talked about her training and maybe after a hard case, she tells him about her training to an assassin. And maybe she started to cry because, it was a really dark moment in her life. ❤💕 Love ya and i hope it’s not a problem to write about this 😊

A/N: I apologize for how long this took! I rewrote it a million times and I’m still not sure I’m 100% happy with it but oh well lol. I hope you like it!


“Penelope?” you asked in surprise as you opened your front door. It was late, and Penelope had always been the type to call before dropping in for a visit.

“I did something,” Penelope began, her voice rising as it did when her anxiety over situations arose. “I know I shouldn’t have. I tell myself I need to stop being so nosy but I have the information right there at the tip of my fingers and I just can’t-”

“Pen,” you interrupted. “What did you do?”

She fell silent for a moment as she fidgeted in place. You watched as her hands nervously played with the bracelets on her wrists before she strode into your home.

“Penelope,” you repeated as you shut the door. “What did you do?”

Keep reading

Watching that video of Jensen Ackles getting sentimental and tearing up over YANA and the Crisis Support Hotline they created made me cry. We have all seen Jensen cry as Dean, but seeing Jensen get all chocked up while talking about it, and hearing him talk about crying over it just filled me up with so much love for that man.  Knowing he cares as much as he does really touches me. I thought I couldn’t love him anymore than I already do. I was wrong.

Of Old Memories And Future Moments

Surprise! A wild phanfic has appeared! I was watching PINOF8 when suddenly I had a moment of inspiration so I wrote this oneshot. Hope you like it!

summary: “Rummage inside Phil’s bedside drawer‘‘ it said. Oh no. What would have happened if Dan had found something more interesting than a lip-balm inside Phil’s bedside drawer?

word count: 2.6k

no trigger warnings


They had been filming Phil Is Not On Fire 8 for some time when…

’‘Wait a minute, wait a minute,” Dan said, pulling Phil aside so he could read the screen better “Rummage inside Phil’s bedside drawer, okay!” he exclaimed, rapidly moving towards it while Phil repeatedly saying “no” and trying to stop his friend.

Dan opened it and found a lip-balm which he picked up and exageratedly spoke to Phil, “How pale are you?”

Phil didn’t even have time to respond before Dan threw the lip-balm inside the drawer again and searched for something more he could show to the camera.

The black haired boy was still, not even daring to move a muscle. He wanted to stop Dan before he found something he didn’t really want him to see but it was too late.

“Phil, why…?” Dan looked at him, two pieces of a ripped photo on his hands, which he slowly put together to properly see the picture.

It was a photo of them back in 2012, before everything went down. It was a selfie of both of them, happily smiling at the camera while Dan’s hand squeezed both of their faces together. He remembers it well.

They had been a surprisingly warm Autumn day and they had been sightseeing London for hours when they stopped in Hyde Park for a rest, the sun was setting and not many people where there, only a few birds tweets could be heard. They sat under a tree, their thights touching while their backs were resting against the tree trunk, a pile of orange and red leaves around them.

“Let’s take a selfie to remember this day…” Dan said, taking the pocket size digital camera they had been carrying around all day.

Phil leaned a bit closer so he could fit into the frame, not really wanting to invade Dan’s personal space. Even though they had been together for a few years, he knew Dan didn’t like getting his personal space invaded, and he respected it.

“Phil, don’t be silly, get closer!” Dan laughed at him, one of his hands reaching his cheek to squish their faces together, not a centimetre left between them. Phil felt relieved and he finally allowed himself to smile properly before a flashing light blinded him.

He didn’t even have time to change his pose when he saw another flash of light, this time Dan’s lips on his cheek, giving him a peck.

“I really want to print these two, I really like them… what do you think Phil?” Dan’s voice brough him back to earth, shaking his head a bit and looking at the camera screen. They really were good photos.

“Yeah, I like them too. We look so happy, you make me so happy…” Phil whispered, giving Dan a peck on the cheek as the brown haired had done a few moments ago.

“You make me happy too…” Dan told him before kissing him hard against the tree trunk. Their kiss only ended when the last sun rays soaking their faces faded away, letting them know that the day was over even if they didn’t want it to end.

“Dan…” Phil’s timid voice brought him back to the moment they were now. Dan looked at him and then back at the picture which he still had in his hands, sad and hurtful memories clouding his mind now. His eyes were starting to water, not really wanting to recall the horrible argument that lead them to their break-up back in 2012, and how Dan had ripped that picture…

It was to much. The pressure was to much. After the “Valentine’s Video” had leaked a few days ago Dan couldn’t handle the comments he was receiving. He couldn’t imagine this was happening. And yes, in his mind it was all Phil’s fault, even though deep down he knew it wasn’t but he didn’t have anyone else to blame that’s why he was screaming at him right now. 

“Why did you even film that stupid video?” his voice sounded around the living room while he paced around.

Phil didn’t even respond, to scared to confront Dan, so he just shrugged his shoulders, making him smaller in the sofa seat.

“You knew I wasn’t ready to come out, and yet you outed us with that video! What made you think you had the right to do that, eh?” Dan’s face was red, he was angrier that he had ever been.

This time Phil tried to defend himself, “Because you are my boyfriend and I wanted to thank you and show how much I love you, that’s why I made the video and it leaked because of a YouTube glitch, it wasn’t my fault!”

Dan wasn’t listening as he was too angry to think clearly, he was still conviced Phil had made this all happen.

“Well, it’s a strange way to show how much you love me, making a video of pure bullshit so everyone can know what a happy couple we are when we aren’t!” Dan said, grabbing the photo of them squeezing their faces together that was resting in the bookshelf and shoving it into Phil’s face before ripping it in half and throwing the pieces onto the floor.

Phil’s face fell as soon as he saw Dan ripping the picture. He looked at the pieces that were now lying on the floor before speaking up “Are you not happy with me?”

“What?” Phil’s question took him surprisedly, he didn’t expect to hear that from the blue eyed.  

“Are you not happy with me? I don’t want to be the one who makes unhappy, you don’t deserve that…” Phil spoke, his timid voice was loud enough so Dan could hear it.

“Damnit Phil! No, I’m not happy! I told you I was but no, I’m not and I don’t think I have ever been” Dan lied, still angered about the video thing, wanting to hurt Phil as much as he had hurt him, even though it was not the same.

Phil let a tear slide down his cheek and quickly cleaned it with his hand, hoping Dan didn’t notice. And he was right, because Dan keept screaming at him.

“I tried to be happy but you just keep doing things that made me wonder why do I like you! This was the last straw Phil… We should break up.” Dan’s last words were almost quiet, he didn’t meant to voice those word. They were a lie. But his brain  and his anger weren’t cooperating.

Phil lifted his head and looked at his brown eyes, “let me fix this, you are my best friend too, I cannot lose you Dan…” he pleaded him, taking a few steps forward and trying to grab his hands, but thinking it twice about it Phil retracted them to he side.

Dan considered what Phil was asking him. He didn’t really want to lose his best friend either. So he took a deep breath and responded “let me think about it, and yes, you are gonna fix this because if you don’t we are done.”

And with that Dan left the room, letting Phil sat back down on the sofa with his head buried in his hands before picking up the ripped picture and saving it in his bedside drawer, where he knew Dan would never find it.

Dan remembers now how Phil had stayed days and nights trying to take down every single video and hurtful comment that he could find, trying to fix it. To fix them. He also recalls Phil’s voice, asking for forgiveness and trying to get back together, but Dan couldn’t handle it. Not anymore. He was still angry at Phil, angry at himself, for being insecure, for not trusting him enough  .So, not really wanting to lose Phil he agreed to stay as friends until today.

“Dan…” the blue eyed’s voice brought him back to reality, fixing his gaze in the clear blue orbs that were watering. Oh no.

“Why did you save it? After I hurt you so much why did you?” Dan questioned him. Phil didn’t know that he had lied all those years ago and he decided he was going to tell him, but he needed to hear Phil’s statement first.

“Yeah, you are right, you hurt me with your words but I hurt you too. You said I made you unhappy, but I kept staring at that picture and I knew our smiles were real. We were happy. I didn’t know what I did to make you so miserable so I’m sorry for whatever I did…” Phil took a breath before continuing, “I saved the picture because deep down I knew I had made you happy at some point in our relationship, the laughs and smiles of that day couldn’t be fake, I know they weren’t. So that’s why it was in my bedside drawer, because everytime I feel down, even though it hurts, I look at and compare it to many of the photos I see of you on Tumblr to see if you have the same smile as you did. And you have it. You have the same smile and I realized that even though we are not together you are happy and that’s what matters.”

Dan was crying, he didn’t expect those words from Phil. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and he still was beating himself up because Dan had lied all those years ago. He just wanted Dan to be happy, and Dan hadn’t done anything to thank him.

“Phil no,” Dan said, leaving the picture on the bed and hugging his friend, who circled his arms around his waist, bringing him in a much needed hug. “Phil, I’m sorry and you are gonna hate me for this but I lied to you all those years ago.”

“What?” Phil whispered, trying to untangle from the hug but Dan didn’t let him.

“I lied to you. I was happy with you. You made me happy. I lied because I was hurt. After the video leaked and I read all those comments I was angry and I wanted to hurt you too. I knew it wasn’t your fault but I was still a kid and I didn’t know how to react… I was in such a bad place with uni and then this, it had been all too much to handle and I eneded up balming you and hurting you. I’m sorry Phil, I’m so sorry.” Dan was fully sobbing now, his face buried on Phil’s neck, whiskers smugged.

Phil was silently crying too, not really making any noise so Dan wouldn’t have to worry about him either. Dan was right. He had been a kid when all of that happened, and even though their relationship had been strong the pressure of fame and the comments had hurt, leading Dan to break their relationship so he didn’t had to deal with all of it. He had been in a bad place then, but Phil understood everything now.

“Dan, shhh Dan… I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.” Phil tried to calm him down, but it didn’t seem to be doing much. “I understand now why you did what you did. I understand. I’m sorry too.”

“But Phil you have nothing to be sor…” Dan tried to explain himself but the blue eyed didn’t let him.

“No, Dan, don’t try to excuse me” Phil grabbed Dan’s head and made him look into his eyes, “you have grown so much since that happened, we both have. I made mistakes too, I hurt you too, and we have learnt from them…”

“I’m glad our friendship was strong enough so I wouldn’t lose you.” Dan whispered to Phil, hanging his head down and picking the discarded photo again, putting the pieces together to look at the picture again. He wasn’t crying anymore, but some of the tears left fell onto the picture.

“You will never lose me. I promise you that,” Phil said, picking up one of the photo’s pieces and lookng at it, “Even if neither of us would want to admit it we needed each other, even as friends, even if we eneded up not speaking for weeks I was reassured that you were still in the flat.” the blue eyed said, knowing Dan felt the same.

Even if they hadn’t spoken for weeks he was glad Dan was in the other room, it was a sign that neither of them was ready to let the other go, that they still needed each other, even if it was a few feet away.

“Wait here…” Phil stood up, leaving Dan confusedly sitting on the bed, but before he could say anything Phil came back with a roll of sticky tape.

Without a word, Phil took the two ripped pieces of the photo and tapped them together, making it whole again. He lifted it and gave it to Dan, “here, for you.”

Dan was deeply touched by Phil’s gesture, but he couldn’t accept it, he had damaged that photo and with that their relationship and Phil had fixed it again for him. He wanted to bitterly laugh at the metaphor, to be honest.

“Phil, I can’t… I ripped it in the first place, I don’t deserve to have it back.” Dan told him, handing it back to him but Phil put his hands behind his back making it impossible to give it to him.

“No, no, it is a ’'no return” gift, now you will have to keep it forever!“ Phil said, a smile on his face.

The blue eyed’s silly antics made Dan laugh and even though he could leave the picture just there, he couldn’t bare himself  to do that.

’'Thank you” Dan sincerely said, looking onto Phil’s eyes and triying to communicate with his gaze what he couldn’t with his words, hoping Phil would understand. Not just for the picture, but for understanding, for forgiving him, for being such a good friend… even if Dan still loved him like he had done years back. He never stopped to be honest.

“No need to thank me, there is nothing sticky tape and a truthful conversation cannot fix.” And with that Phil winked at him, grabbing the sharpie from the nightstand and drawing the whiskers back again in Dan’s face, who smiled widely at him at the gesture.

“Now c'mon, we still have a few questions to answer.” Phil said trying to grab the phone that was on the other side but before he could do it Dan tackled him onto the bed, landing on top of him, grabbing the sharpie from his hand and lifting it to Phil’s face, “yours are smudged too, you spork!”

They both laughed and Dan started his work. Phil didn’t even realize he had his eyes closed when instead of a sharpie he felt a pair of chapped lips on his, making slowly move them, enjoying and remembering the sweet sensation of Dan’s lips he had missed so much.

Once the kiss ended, Dan looked at him, scared of his reaction.

“You know? You laugh at me for having lip-balm on the bedside drawer, but if you plan on kissing me again I suggest you start using some!” Phil told him jokingly, making Dan release a breath he had been holding before hitting him on the chest before burying his head on the crook of Phil’s neck.

“I hate you.” Dan whispered into his ear.

“I hate you too.” Phil responded, before hugging Dan a bit closer, just the sound of their breaths in the room.

Phil Is Not On Fire 8 could wait.

A THANK YOU TO ZAYN AND THE FANDOM
Ever since Zayn noticed the video of Rylee crying in the car, you all have been the absolute sweetest. I have never been more in awe of a group of people than y'all. Sure, there was a few negative comments but for every negative there was twenty or more positive comments. The comments made me cry tears of joy at times. There has been times in public where we’ve had to deal with stares, weird looks and astonishment when we tell people that she’s eight. The nice comments covered every single one of those rude gestures up. Rylee is an absolute ray of sunshine, and I’m so glad that her story has been heard and inspires people. It’s kinda ironic. One of my resolutions for the new year was to allow Rylee’s story to be heard and to raise awareness for Schizencephaly, which is a rare birth defect. This fandom allowed me to do that. So thank you, whether it was spreading her story or trying to get someone to see, you’ve done more than my family has ever dreamed of. You turned a little girl’s love for a musician into something great. Thank You.


P.S. Rylee can now say Zayn and Gigi and it is, in fact, the absolute cutest thing ever.

@zayn

DIVIDE REVIEW

Eraser: Eraser is easily one of Ed’s best and most honest raps I think he’s put out there. YNMIDNY and Take It Back have more the undertones of not giving a fuck about what the industry thinks and staying a step ahead while being aware of the darkness to avoid. Eraser shows the side of Ed I feel he had been trying to hide from us. It’s honest about his struggles and alludes to cocaine, which is a terrifying drug (not that he needs to be told).  It seems to be an almost apology for the wrong turns he’s made throughout his career; to us, to his family and friends, and to himself. I think this song is the perfect reminder as to why Ed took his year long break to find himself and his happiness again and for that reason it is a perfect opener for this album. It forever warms my heart endlessly to know Ed trusts us with songs like this that are so brutally honest and full of his deepest emotions. I feel happy that he can open up and get these feelings out, but I hope he never feels like he needs to apologize to us for things like this. This is a reminder that celebrities are real people too, just like you and me. It can’t be easy to live under a microscope all the time. I hope he knows how much we love and appreciate him. We are well aware he is not a perfect person and it is totally acceptable to make these mistakes and lose yourself because everyone does.

Castle on the Hill: I remember when Ed dropped this song and Shape of You at the same time, I was immediately drawn to this one despite the ABSOLUTE BOP that Shape of You is. It made me feel so nostalgic for a childhood that wasn’t even mine and that is an amazing talent that no other artist has ever really made me feel (besides when I was 4 and first heard ‘butterfly kisses’ with my dad). This song made me, for the first time in my entire existence, feel nostalgic for my home town, I remember being back on campus in the city and crying in my bed about home AND I WAS MISERABLE IN MY HOME TOWN. I have always heard that nostalgia is a dirty liar and they would be right. But I found that, even though I hated home, I felt a longingness to be there and was reminded of the little moments of drinking in corn field at my friends barn and running through fences when the neighbors called the cops, of driving down every country road around my house with my dog or best friend listening to music, of all the little memories Ed sang about. It gave me an over powering feeling of excitement for the future; to look back and feel happy and whole at my life as ed does. As I have said so many times, I feel blessed to be alive at the same time as an artist like Ed Sheeran. He trusts us with these personal feelings. Hearing this song reminded me a lot of the same sensation I got from watching the Photograph music video. I felt like he had let us into such a different point in his life, before fame and music and before we existed in the same world. Letting us into his childhood and pre-fame life is such a big deal and he has no obligation to tell us anything about his past. I’m lucky to love an artist that acts as our friend in telling us childhood stories and secrets.

Dive: This one if for sure in the top 3 best of this album. I love the beat and the whole idea of starting a relationship and being nervous on whether or not to trust them or to just dive in. I think this might be the most relatable and best song both lyrically and sound wise on this album. Also, I low key see this as an Ath*na drag… do with that what you will.

Shape of You: I’m very happy Ed released this song first because it’s catchy and attracted more people to the album and him in general. It’s a very different sound and at first listen, I thought it was the SING of divide and didn’t love it, though it is an absolute tune. As I listen to it more, the more I really hear the lyrics. I appreciate a big star like Ed writing a song about the female body without degrading it. Also, he is talking about the entire shape of the female body; any and all types. As someone who has struggled with eating disorders and body image issues, it actually made me tear up a bit when he talked about appreciating the female body because the media usually puts pressure on women to look a certain way that isn’t possible and I guess I just really love Ed’s appreciation of women in every sense that he does. Also, that music video actually killed me and is absolute perfection. *cough**cough* SHIRTLESS ED!!

Perfect: I knew this song would be my favorite on the album because Ed had told us that this song was about Cherry and you all know how hard I ship them. Lyrically this song is beautiful. I think it really shows a very happy and in love side of Ed that we didn’t really get in + or x and I love that he is happy now. It is the purest song I have ever heard and an amazing change of pace from all of Ed’s other love songs because it’s not so sad. Thank you Ed for sharing yet another extremely personal part and emotion in your life. Cherry is extremely lucky to have such a beautiful song written for her AND I BETTER BE INVITED TO THIS WEDDING.

Galway Girl: This song makes me want to take Irish dancing again like I did when I was 4 years old just so I have the proper dance moves for this tour. I really appreciate hearing Ed say “pretty little” and sing about Irish girls. I had heard that this song wasn’t approved by his label because I guess Irish folk music isn’t popular but bitch now it is. I appreciate that Ed has always felt he could stay true to himself and where he comes from in his music. He is always 100% honest and embodies his roots, even when it’s not “the popular” thing to do. He had always talked about how important it is for artists to break in America to make it big, so most artists gear their art towards the American audience; Ed, though, has always kept it diverse and different. He further emphasizes the importance of being yourself to be the most successful you can be. Without realizing it, Ed has influenced and inspired so many people, whether it be in pursuing a musical career or just going out and doing what you want regardless of what anyone says. What a guy, what a bop.

Happier: This one was such a tease because I was really expecting a happy song but instead I got my heart ripped out. I think this goes with New Man because it’s about moving on from someone. It’s very heartbreaking to see someone you loved be happier with someone else and learn to be okay with it because if you really loved them you’d be happy for them regardless on if it includes you. This is another + vibes song and a sad song, and I live for the sad songs.

New Man: This song is a great change in pace and it gets goofy but is also serious. This is part of The Holy TrinityTM: YNMIDNY, Take It Back, and now New Man. This is such a drag on the fuck boys and I appreciate it and the fact that, even big famous popstar Ed, isn’t a fuck boy. This song drags this New Man to the deepest pits of hell with a catchy beat and lyrics about bleached assholes. Clearly this song is the quality content we all expected on this album and this honestly has to be in my top 3 favorite tracks on this album.

Hearts Don’t Break Around Here: For whatever reason, I really thought this was going to be the next Take It Back. I thought it was going to be a rap but again I WAS WRONG. This is the only time I actually enjoy being wrong and I should just learn to expect it with Ed because he’s always doing some type of shit to surprise us. It ended up being one of the sweetest songs on the album. It really continues on from Perfect and it makes my heart feel so full when I think of how happy he is now. As a fan, I think our job is to support his career but also respect his personal life and encourage his happiness; even if that doesn’t include us. This song just fills my heart and warms me at the thought of the place someone must be in to write songs like this. I feel lucky to hear it and anyone who has been through heart break and come out the other side can relate to the complete feeling you find in someone that you know won’t do that to you again. Ed somehow has the talent to make me feel in love when I’m not and has the ability to articulate the sweetest and purest feelings through amazing lyrics and song.

What Do I Know: To be completely honest, this is my least favorite song on the album and the only one I don’t really like. Ed had said his favorite lyric was in this song (Love can change the world) but I personally find it generic. Whoops. I do like the beat and how he mentioned his father. This album has such a big emphasis on family and love, so lyrically it related to that. But yeah not my favorite so I gtg.

How Would You Feel (Paean): I love this song and I’m adding it to the second Holy TrinityTM on this album: Perfect, Hearts Don’t Break Around Here, and How Would You Feel. These all truly embrace the happy and in love feeling of this album and of course I love any song about Cherry. The story behind this song actually makes me kind of laugh because Ed had only just reconnected with Cherry a week before writing this and he says he loves her. I actually really do love the sound of this song, though to be honest it’s not my favorite on the album or lyrically. I think I didn’t dismiss this song because of the back story of it. I think this song has a very + feel to it about being young and innocently in love and I really live for that. It’s a very soft and beautifully written insight to the very precious and personal time in their relationship.

Supermarket Flowers: OH GOD HERE COMES THE WATER WORKS. This song killed me just like I had expected. Ed has always been incredible at writing songs in honor of other people. I think this song killed me just as much as Afire Love did because I had just lost my great grandmother a week before this album was released. I felt an incredible connection to putting someone to rest and getting supermarket flowers to decorate their grave. It’s heartbreaking but also peaceful to know they are at rest. “you are an angel in the shape of my mom” killed me because I have never heard someone describe having an angel in such a beautiful way, as well as “heaven singing hallelujah you’re home” describing the peace that comes at knowing someone’s at rest. He wrote this song for his mother and played it at his grandmother’s funeral, which is so personal and beautiful.

Barcelona: Hearing Ed sing in Spanish was beautiful and amusing because I don’t think it was proper Spanish, but again I love the very worldly vibes that came with this album. I think this year off was both good for Ed’s mental health and his sound. It’s not only lyrically diverse but also sound and culture diverse and I love it. I feel like I’m traveling around the world listening to this album.

Bibi Be Ye Ye: I was especially excited for this song because I knew it was the song he wrote in Africa. This song truly embodies the theme of Divide and its diverse sounds. I remember when x came out and people were complaining that he “sold out” to pop and lost his sound, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was pleasantly surprised that Ed took such a big leap in sound and really changed his image and I loved it. He got to experiment and find himself in x and I think that gave way to his confidence to make Divide because he did so well last time with the diversity. I appreciate the he takes sounds from all over the world and represents other cultures while still respecting them and of course giving them credit. This is also such a BOP and the upbeat kind of song that it going to make everyone dance at his concerts.

Nancy Mulligan: This is an absolute BOP and the story behind it is amazing. It’s quite amazing that he wrote a song in the point of view of his grandfather, much like how I was blown away by Small Bump. The idea that he could embody the view point of a love story that happened years before he was born is quite amazing. One of the things I enjoyed most about this album was his focus on love and family and this song fuses them together with a very Irish sound. When this song title came up on the track list before the album was dropped, I was very curious to find out who this song was about because WHO IS NANCY? Ed being Ed didn’t fail to let us in on not only his very personal life but also his grandparents love story, which is quite an amazing tale. Like so many of Ed’s songs, I felt like I was almost invading someone personal space or listening in to a deep conversation that I was not part of. It is so personal and no matter how many times Ed is open and honest with us, I still get blown away; especially with this song in the fact that he references his grandmother in the point of view of his late grandfather. His story telling skills forever give me chills and take my breath away. I can only imagine what his grandmother must feel listening to this.

Save Myself: Jesus I was not ready for this song. It had so much pain in it and it kills me to know how greedy and selfish people are towards people who give and are the most selfless. It worries me a lot about Ed, but again I think this song compliments Eraser. He really needed the break from fame and especially his phone. I hope Ed learns to say no and to learn to be a little more selfish when it comes to giving people things, and I hope people who took and took from him learn to be more appreciative. I could say so much more about that, but I think I’ve rambled enough.

 

So, overall I think this is the best album Ed wrote and I love every song on it, which is a first! He was so open and honest with us about his family, emotions, love, pain, and loss. I appreciate Ed and all he gives us. Love you Ed, I wish you a long life xx

4

New (OLD) photos of Zacky (and the boys) in Europe. Man seeing Jimmy in photos and videos made me tear up.

Benevolence 7

7/20 The moment so many of you having been waiting for….

Word Count: 5,579



I was walking down one of the streets in Seoul. It was pitch black outside and everything was at a dead silence. No cars on the road, no one was walking around handing out those little business cards. Usually in America I would have been scared and ran the whole way home. However, in Seoul I’ve noticed there wasn’t ever a reason to be scared at least not for me. Obviously ever country has it’s rapist, murderers and robbers but the chances of seeing one while walking the streets on a weeknight was unlikely.

The high heels of the shoes I was wearing scraped across the cracks of the street. I was currently on my way home, I was at school and decided to stay late since that was were all the sewing supplies were at. I lost track of time and now I have to rush home to my boyfriend before he freaks out. I felt a vibration on the pocket of my shirt. Dipping my fingers into the fabric, I pulled out my phone. Speak of the devil, he was calling right now.

“Are you okay? It’s really late Y/N, where are you?”, Baekhyun panicked into the phone.

“I’m fine I’m almost there just a few blocks away.”, I sighed stepping over a small gate to cross to the other side of town.

“Good, what street are you on?”, He asked letting out a breathe of relief. “Let’s stay on the phone till you get here.”

Letting out a another sigh I looked up to see which street I was on, “Wongdang-daero” I didn’t bother reading the numbers since he would know where I was at. “Fine we might as well Mr. Overprotective.”

“Hush I’m protective over you for a reason.”, He snapped playfully “How did designing go today.”

“Like it does any other day, I’m booked with plenty of work to do.”, I gave a light chuckle a sound of a car lightly hitting my ears. The sound of it got louder and louder until it was a mere 60 feet away from me.

The only problem was the car was coming right at me.

It was dark outside so I couldn’t see anyone in the car only the front of the lights my breathing started going at faster pace. I didn’t say anything to Baekhyun since there would be no point he couldn’t do anything. The car wasn’t stopping it was coming closer and closer to me. So, I did the only think I  could do in this situation, run. Turning around I started running as fast as my feet would let me. The phone was no longer pressed to my ear as my feet were running across the concrete. Who the fuck was this, why all of a sudden does someone try to run me off of the sidewalk.

“I love you too.”, I heard a light whisper on the phone it didn’t sound like Baekhyun’s voice which is why I had made the mistake I did. Lifting the phone to my ear I listened to see if anything else was said.

“I’ll see you later.”, That was Baekhyun’s voice did he not notice I stopped talking on the phone.

“What the hell are you doing?”, I panted on the phone causing my running to come to a slow pace. Unfortunately I shouldn’t have done that within a few seconds the car came to an impact with my body. 

The next thing I remember was being on the ground blood covering my hand and my cracked cell phone. I couldn’t move I was unsure of whether or not I had broken any bones since I had never broken one before in my life.

“Y/N, Y/N, Y,N what the hell just happened? Answer me damn it!”, I heard Baekhyun scream on the phone. I heard the car  door shut and footsteps began to inch closer towards me. Turning my heads towards the person who had hit me with the car, I couldn’t make out a face. I had already blacked out.


“I’m done.”

“Baby don’t start this again you aren’t going anywhere you always end up staying.”, He snapped grabbing my arm.

“NO, not this time I’m done you just made me realize how little you care about anything I want. My designing career you use that as a toy to keep me around, I wasn’t even told about this  ‘relationship’ until she had already moved in. Then you just told all of the other members that I’m basically your second option when Taeyeon isn’t around. Do you see what you’re doing, plotting all of this shit out without my consent?”

“You can’t just stop like this, we’ve been through too much together.”, He growled roughly snatching me into his chest. His breathing was at an unbelievable pace but still, I couldn’t let him sway me. At his point there honestly wasn’t a fuck for me to give.

“You, haven’t been through shit I however, have looked like a dumb ass for way too long now Baekhyun. You can’t just continue to mistreat me and expect me to still love you.”  At the last sentence his face went from angry to sad and confused. His grip on my arm loosen letting me step back a few inches.

“You don’t love me anymore?”, His voice was weak, like a child who had gotten caught for drawing on the walls while being scolded.

“What do you think the answer to that is?”, In all honesty I didn’t know the answer myself. Of course your love for someone can always fade overtime if you’re not receiving love from them but, could you completely stop loving them? If you sit down now and think about any good memories you had with them the sides of your lips wouldn’t tug up just a little?

“Oh my god.”, He whispered sobbing a little due to the fact that I was shorter than him a few of his tears fell down on my cheek. “Y/N, I’m so sorry please let’s take a vacation just you and I to patch things up. Don’t ruin our relationship ov-”, I cut up off before he could finish his sentence.. me I was the one to ruin this relationship? This relationship was doomed from the moment it had began. His intentions were made clear to me a long time ago. 

“Don’t fucking try to blame this on me.”, I hissed shoving at his chest. “You brought Taeyeon here, you got back together with her and you have been mistreating me.”

“I know I haven’t been acting the best lately but, it’s because-” he spoke before I cut him off once again. At this point I honestly think Baekhyun has mental issues or something is just fucked up in his dumb ass mind.

“You haven’t been the best lately? Are you fucking kidding me? You wanna know what you said to a couple weeks ago when I asked if you wanted to go to the fashion event with me? You told me you’d rather suck a dick then sit at that event with me. You are so insensitive, the best part is when Taeyeon happen to bring it up you were delighted to go. Once again causing us to all three end up somewhere when you know damn well I don’t like that bitch.”

“Why do you act like that towards her, she’s been nothing but nice towards you.”, He spoke in frustration.

“Of course she has because fucking with my relationship is really being nice sorry Taeyeon, let me get down on my knees for you.”, I laughed sarcastically. “Why do you even want me to stay with you? You’ve used me enough you clearly love Taeyeon more than you’ve ever loved me.”

“That’s not true Y/N, and damn well know it. I’ve always taken good care of you. How did you get that job at Paradise Kiss, because of me. How did you started making your own designs as SM’s top fashion designer, because of me.”, He snapped running out of air in his lungs. “I’ve always made sure you were happy and had the things you wanted.”

Did this son of a bitch really just try and take credit for my hard work?

“First off all, that ‘job’ you got me at SM was to run around doing whatever the fuck the actual designers told me to do. I didn’t get bumped up to top designer until I started sneaking some of my designs into some of your music videos.  That job at Paradise Kiss was given to me when he brought it up you just introduced the two of us.”, I snarled towards him. I couldn’t believe he just tried to take away from my hard work.

“What about the promise you made to your mother.”, He whispered as I was getting ready to turn around. He really tried to pull all the cards out of the deck, using my mother against me.

Turning back around to face him, I watched as more tears continued to roll down his cheeks. He looked so pitiful, was this how used to look like whenever I cried and begged him to make Taeyeon leave? Where had my self respect gone? I couldn’t stop them giggles began to fall from my mouth as I watched a confused look form on his face.

“Excuse me, sorry for that.”, I apologized trying to stop the laughter from coming out of my mouth. Once I was about to stop the giggles I spoke.

“At first, I was so mad at myself for this, I honestly would’ve stayed with you for the rest of my life because of the promise I made to my mother. Hell, it was the only reason I was staying with you.”, I chuckled looking to the ground before back into his eyes.

“But, I realized my mother wouldn’t have wanted me to be going through what she went through just to keep my promise. Although, I’m still mad at myself I won’t punish myself for it any longer. It’s funny because, if I would’ve just continued telling you to fuck off I wouldn’t have gone through any of this.”, I spoke to him. 

It was true, I was truly sorry for breaking my promise to my mother. To anyone else it wouldn’t have been a big deal it’s just the fact that she died knowing I hated her. Yet, she was always proud of the fact that I was still stronger than her, that I still wanted her to continue to get better. That was the only thing she had ever really asked of me, and I wanted it to be my dying gift to her. It’s too late now, I’ve shattered the promise I made to her now however, now that I’ve been punished for it I’m tired. I’m tired of loving him, I’m tired of being held down and mistreated. But, most of all I’m tired of feeling so disgusted with myself.

“So that’s it then?”, He asked quietly wiping the remaining tears leaving his face. “It’s over because of this small petty thing. It’s over because I told them the truth.”

“No, it’s over because it needed to be, our relationship should’ve been over the moment Taeyeon came back into the picture. I was just to stupid to bring myself to break away.”, I said before turning around walking away. 

As I was going towards the stairs I heard his footsteps behind me. I didn’t bother turning around because he didn’t say anything. He was just heading in the same direction as me but, it was still awkward. I didn’t want to feel like this the entire trip. I’m surprised he didn’t hit me with the “Let’s stay friends” bullshit.  

Hitting the corner as I made my way downstairs I heard loud screams. Were the rest of the members arguing with Taeyeon? My thoughts were answered when I heard Kai’s voice shout back at her.

“This is and always will be your fault. Do you even feel bad for what happened?”, His words snarled at her.

Rushing past me Baekhyun dashed towards the kitchen, my nosy ass wanted to know why Kai was so upset so, I followed along. As I was walking behind him I realized that Baekhyun was so wrapped up in Taeyeon. Even after what just happened he couldn’t wait to brush past me to get towards her. I know I shouldn’t feel like this since I broke up with him but, it still hurts me.

“If you weren’t such a fucking dick maybe she’d still be with you?”, I heard Taeyeon’s voice speak as we rushed into the kitchen. When I walked fully into the room there stood Taeyeon with tears rushing down her eyes and kai with his jaw clenched and fists balled up. 

I had seen this look on a man one too many times it was obvious what was about it happen, at least to anyone who saw someone being abused.

Kai was getting ready to hit Taeyeon.

I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped my mouth. Kai out of all people was not one I had expected to want to raise his hand at a woman. As much as I felt Taeyeon deserved to get the shit slapped out of her she didn’t deserve to be abused when she can’t defend herself. Has he done this before?

All eyes in the room shifted towards me, Kai’s look soften a bit when we made eye contact. I didn’t know how to react because I, didn’t know what was going on. Was Kai really getting ready to hit Taeyeon or was he just angry? Looking him up and down once more, I couldn’t deny it. He was getting ready to hit her.

“Kai, don’t you dare do that.”, I whispered harshly towards him, a guilty look flashed on his face before it was quickly covered up with a confused one. 

“Calm down Y/N, we’re just having an argument.”, He mumbled releasing his fists. He was lying, it was so obvious. His hands were trembling and his eyes darted across the room way too quickly. His chest was even still rising with anger.

“Kai you can’t be like that. Not you of all people.”, I muttered shaking my head at him as Taeyeon’s eyes looked over at me trying to understand the situation. Turning my eyes towards Baekhyun, who was already looking at me he came to understand the situation. His eyes full of rage, shifted towards Kai who was still as confused as ever.

“Get the fuck away from her.”, Baekhyun snapped through gritted teeth while charging towards Kai. I’ve never seen Baekhyun this angry before it was worse than when his bipolar ass flipped out on me in that restaurant.  I know I shouldn’t say things like that because at this point Baekhyun could really have a mental condition that I’m not aware of.

“Shut the fuck up Baekhyun.”, Kai spat towards him. “It’s not like she can’t take responsibility for her actions.”

“Stop with your rivalry with her Kai. You’re my band mate and she’s the woman I love.”, Baekhyun spoke aggressively towards him. I mean damn that didn’t hurt me at all.

“I thought that was Y/N, I guess you’d rather be with trash then treat her like a respected woman.”

“What are you doing to Taeyeon now huh?”

“You can’t treat a hoe like a woman.”

Baekhyun’s fist connected with Kai’s jaw causing his had to turn to the side. He didn’t even stumble back before giving Baekhyun a punch.

“Stop Baekhyun.”, Taeyeon tried to butt-in as I gave her the side eye. I wasn’t going to do anything to stop it, this was a battle between two grown men. Who just so happened to be arguing about women. I was honestly surprised with Baekhyun’s strength.

After a few more seconds the fight died down. Both men had each other in a head lock, Baekhyun strained his neck to whisper something in Kai’s ear. Taeyeon and I couldn’t hear what was said but, Kai visibly tensed up as they let each other go. Baekhyun rushed towards Taeyeon asking if she was okay, my gaze shifted towards Kai who watched the two with disgust.

“She loved you, you loved her. You talked about her all the damn time and I was happy for you because you weren’t crying all the time about Taeyeon anymore. I can’t believe you’d just run back to that bitch the moment she asked for you.”, Kai spat at him before walking out the backdoor that lead back to the top of the boat.

I stood there for a minute not knowing what to do, Taeyeon and Baekhyun were still in the room watching me.

“Y/N, we didn’t mea-”, Taeyeon started before I was already walking out the door. I had enough it was hard being in the same room as them. I couldn’t bring myself to speak because there was nothing left to say. Taeyeon couldn’t say anything that would change it because it was already done. I went out the same door Kai did to go after him.

Kai was outside looking at the sea mumbling curses to himself. His hands were balled into fists before he released them burying his face into his palms. I didn’t think I could see him get so mad at a person. As much as I’m angry and both Taeyeon and Baekhyun what could they have done to anger Kai this much? 

 “Kai, what the hell was that?”, I asked trying to be cautious not knowing what might set him off. His head lifted up looking towards me with an irritated look on his face.

“Just… She’s…”, He couldn’t get the sentence out because when our eyes met he looked so guilty. “Look I know what it might’ve looked like and yes we were in a pretty heated argument but still, Y/N I would never lay my hands on a woman.”

I nodded my head showing my understanding. I needed to hear him out because this was so unlike Kai and I only assumed because of the similar signs that I’ve seen previously. I didn’t realize how different the two situations were though. The man that my mom was dating was seriously messed up, he was a narcissist the smallest of things set him off. He put two dents in my mom’s car because she corrected him over a small lie. I couldn’t compare Kai to him.

“What could’ve she said to make you so mad then? Was it something personal?”, I asked keeping voice at a calm steady level.

“Y/N, I can’t tell you why but, Taeyeon is not innocent she’s not nice and sweet either but still, she could never make angry to the point where’d I want to hit her. I was balling my fists because I was waiting on Baekhyun to enter the room. I just didn’t expect you to be with him, are you two still together?”, He asked after explaining what happened.

I scrunched my nose up completely forgetting Baekhyun and I were ever together. There wasn’t enough time to pay attention to it or I just didn’t want to.

“No, I was heading back to the room while he went to the kitchen when I heard Taeyeon yelling, then I remembered you said you’d be waiting in there.”, I spoke sitting down leaning against my arms.

“Do you regret what you did?”, He asked curiously. I’m not stupid he’s trying to change the subject so he doesn’t have to talk about Taeyeon whatever she did must’ve been terrible because the rage was clear in his eyes whenever he spoke of her.

“No, I don’t even think the reality of the situation has hit me. I am mad at myself though.”, I chuckled staring at the sea the best I could from where I was sitting.

“Why? You did nothing wrong.”, Kai suddenly got defensive about the whole situation. “She’s the slut and he’s the dickhead who likes to cheat on his girlfriend.” 

The sides of my lips tugged up, I wonder what his reaction would be if I told him the whole story. He’d probably go back in to start another fight with Baekhyun, but I won’t. The whole thing was over now adding fuel to the fire would be pointless. Do I want Baekhyun to be happy, hell no. I’m just not the type to forgive and forget because, every time I see you after that I’ll get irritated.

“I’m mad for not leaving him sooner, and I kind of just ruined the entire trip. I feel like a failed because I allowed myself to be-”, I cut myself off not wanting to finish and If I said anything else I would’ve told him everything.

“You didn’t ruin anything that bitch did, don’t you ever think about yourself badly. You are not a failure because of someone else’s fuck ups. I’m just pissed he’d treat you like that after how they broke up.”

“How’d they break up?”, I asked, I knew it wasn’t on a good but it clearly wasn’t bad enough for them to get back together.

“Let’s not get into that.”, He blurted out lacing his fingers with mine. “Please let’s just have a good time the rest of the trip.”

“You know I’m going to ask about it later.”, I pointed out talking about the avoided subjects.

“I know”

I didn’t know how I felt, I was lost. How was I supposed to feel after leaving him it’s not like he was really gone anyway. He’s probably having sex with Taeyeon, I knew either way the break up wouldn’t hurt him. I just couldn’t be unhappy anymore. I’m thankful for what Kai said early but still, I was angry with myself. Not because I failed with Baekhyun but because I had failed my mom.

“I’m going back to the room, are you coming?”, I asked him causing our hands to break away from each other.

“No I’ll be down soon, goodnight.”

“Why’d you say goodnight?”, I asked him

“Because, you always fall asleep whenever you go lay down.”, He chuckled.

“Who said I was going to lay down?”, I shot back causing him to full blown laugh.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight Kai.”

“Y/N?”, Yixing spoke to me as we unfolded the blankets to get underneath the blankets. Looking up to meet his gaze Yixing’s eyes were filled with concern. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it, Honey?”

Climbing the small set of stairs to get into the large bed, I lie down on the side closet the the other nightstand turning towards him.

“No, I’m fine it’s just crazy how fast everything has changed. I feel bad now because I’ve sort of ruined the trip for everyone.”, I chuckled while he got comfortable scooting closer next to me.

“No you didn’t Taeyeon did, none of us liked her but, Baekhyun insisted she’d come.”, He explained trying to ease the situation. “I just really wished Baekhyun would’ve treated you better.”

“Some things just aren’t meant to be I guess.”, I said trying to lighten the mood when in the truth it wasn’t because we weren’t meant to be it was because we kept fucking up. I don’t believe in that fate bullshit you choose whether or not you want someone in your life.

“Where’s kai?”

“He’s still outside, he’ll be back down here soon.”, I assured him.

“What are you going to do once we get back to Seoul?”, He asked me. In truth I didn’t know, I wasn’t going to stay at his place but, I don’t have the cash to just drop on key money plus rent and most likely gas, water and electric.

“I guess I’ll have to figure something out.”, I muttered closing my eyes wanting to sleep things off. I wasn’t in the right mind set to be thinking about things like this right now.

“No, we’ll figure it out I won’t let you struggle Y/N.”, He whispered as I fell asleep. I know it isn’t right to just ignore my problems but it was better this way, I wanted to focus on something else, anything else. Yixing and Kai seemed to be helping me do that just for now, I think I need them.


“You look sexy.”, Kai grinned biting his lip before his hand connected with my ass.

“Let’s not get your dick ripped off Kai because you want to be a pervert.”, I said with a sharp tone before climbing over the railing to sit on the front of the boat. It was a couple of days after the break up and it was awkward as hell. There was a clear divide on this damn boat. You had the two nobody liked or fucked with at the moment, Baekhyun and Taeyeon. Then you had the rest of the exo members who were in an awkward position from choosing sides. Then you have Yixing, Kai and I who just don’t want to be bothered at all. 

Right now the three of us were standing on deck getting ready to do what I thought was fishing however, Kai had something different in mind.

“Let’s have a threesome.”

Yixing’s head shot up in disgust, while I furrowed my eyebrows. Why is this man so perverted? I didn’t want to ask what happened with Krystal since apparently they were broken up before I had even met Kai.

“No I’m not into that kind of thing.”, Yixing scrunched his nose up. He told me once that he believed everyone out there had a person they could spend the rest of their lives with. 

That was one of things I’d admired the most about him, his loyalty. Let’s be honest here we’re all selfish when it comes to our romantic partners. Even if you aren’t being possessive by saying “You’re mine, you belong to me.” we still expect their romantic attention to only be on us. If your boyfriend gets caught kissing another girl you’d be pissed. If they had sex with another girl that’s a break up. Then if you’re married that’s a whole damn divorce because you expect them to only pay attention to you. What if it was different, would it be okay to cheat on your partner as long as you came back to them? 

“I’ll pass no offense.”, I giggled helping Yixing pull out the chairs. I’ve had enough threesomes with Taeyeon and Baekhyun. Could you even call it that when the focus was always on the two of them.

 Even being in that so called poly relationship I realized those aren’t perfect either. You still want attention and affection, watching one of your partners constantly make love and spend time with the other, while only kissing you and telling you they love you every once in awhile isn’t enough. You want more because we’re selfish in the end our jealously gets to us and… that’s okay.

“Why would that be an offense, I’m a grower not a shower.”, He insisted and I did want to think about the size of Kai’s penis.

“Okay let’s change the subject I do not want to think about the size of your penis Kai.”, I muttered staying closer to the edge of the boat looking over the poles and down at the sea.

“I’m being serious Yixing is decent when soft but I’m telling you, get me hard and I’m huge.”

“Kai that’s enough.”, Yixing muttered disgusted with the current conversation about the size of his penis. I mean I’ve only ever since Baekhyun’s dick and you can’t go of the size of porn stars so, I had no room to judge.

“Remember that stupid scene from the Titanic where Rose was supposedly flying.”, I chuckled remembering the scene since I had one of my feet lifted on the poles looking down at the water.

“Hey, that wasn’t stupid it was romantic.”, Yixing pouted while Kai walked over to where I was standing. He lifted his feet onto the poles hovering over me.

“Come on I’ll show you.”, Kai smirked rubbing on my shoulder. Sighing I lifted my other foot fully on the poles, this just seemed so awkward to me.

“I don’t see the point of this.”, I mumbled Titanic was my favorite movie when I was younger but once I re-watched it as a teenager that bitch, knew she had enough room for him.

“That’s because Kai isn’t doing it properly.”, Yixing chuckled before lifting his feet onto the poles wrapping his arms around Kai’s waist lightly.

“I’m flying.”, Kai shouted right into my ear throwing himself into a fit of giggles.

“I still don’t see the point of this.”, I groaned turning my head towards the two men. Yixing just chuckled while an evil smirk appeared on Kai’s face. His grip around my waist loosened on one arm and tightened on the other.

“This will make it more interesting.”, He chuckled raising his arm lifting my chin towards him causing our lips to meet. I didn’t tense up yet, I still didn’t kiss him back. Still there was no reason for me to push him away. His lips pressed deeper into mine while his nails dug into my chin. After a few moments he pulled away with a large grin plastered on is face. Looking behind him Yixing stood with his cheeks flustered with a hint of irritation in his eyes.

“Don’t just kiss her Kai damn you’re way to comfortable with her.”, He scolded letting go of Kai’s waist gently grabbing my arm helping me back on the boat.

“It was just a kiss.”, Kai chuckled jumping back on board winking at me before laying back across the beach chair he sat in previously. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t try and stick your tongue down her throat.”, Yixing huffed swiping his thumb across my lips to remove any scent of Kai.

“Hey, don’t wipe off my love.”, He shouted playfully slightly lifting himself off of the chair. Yixing wrapped a thin silk like piece of fabric around my waist tying a slight knot before adjusting it.

“What are you doing?”, I asked curiously it’s not like I was wearing a cheeky bathing suit. I was actually wearing a one piece since I still wasn’t sure how accepted bathing suits were in Korea. It didn’t bother me honestly because, I never liked wearing bikinis it just felt like I was walking around in bra and panties.  Still, it didn’t really matter since it’s a new era and things are slowly changing in Korea.

“Oh, don’t think anything of it, I thought the color went well with your swimsuit.”, He smiled a small blush rising on his cheeks before itching the back of my neck.

“He’s marking his territory.”, Kai interrupted the small moment with his comment. “It’s so obvious he might as well piss on you.”, He giggled when an offended gasp came out of Yixing’s mouth. I knew he wasn’t trying to which is why I didn’t get pissed.

If I’m being honest with myself I don’t know how I ended up following my mother’s footsteps. I was well aware of the fact that children who saw their parents being abused could go down the same path so, I desperately tried to make sure that never happened. 

Ever since I was 14 I had this strong desperation of being in control of myself. If someone told me what to do or how to live, even if it benefited me I got so upset. Once my mother was joking and said “You’re mine, I own you.” and it pissed me off. We got into a huge argument about it whether or not she was my mother or guardian I’m in control of myself.  We all are, if you choose to let someone control you then that’s on you but, when someone tries to force control it irks me.

“No, it’s not like that at all.”, Yixing said firmly snapping me out of my thoughts his eyes searching mine for any doubt. I giggled and pinched one of his cheeks smiling in Kai’s direction.

“I know you would never do anything like that.”, I chuckled before fully turning towards Kai who held a smug look on his face. “But you would, wouldn’t you? Now I have to be careful around you because of that little kiss.”, I spoke as Kai got up from the chair once again strolling towards Yixing and I. Once he was a few feet away he draped his arm around my shoulders.

“Come on, it was a joke don’t take away my fun.”, He said with a pout  on his face.

“Don’t get too close.”, Yixing warned standing closer behind Kai and I. I knew what was coming next, Kai is a piece of shit who liked pissing people off.

“Leave us alone aren’t we a thing now Y/N?”, Kai asked me with a playful glint in his eyes causing me to roll mine. 

“Stop being a pervert, Kai.”, I groaned pushing his arm off of me getting ready to snap on him however, his lips connected with mine once again. It was any different from the first kiss Kai was just being an ass.

Except this time when I pulled away Taeyeon and Baekhyun stood there

and he was pissed.

Accidents Cause Accidents

 Word Count: 3043

    A/N: this was requested by Nerdy_Girl1423, and it was real fun and interesting to write. I hope this is what you wanted! Feedback is always welcomed by dudes and it is also appreciated! When i posted this to my Wattpad, i got a ton of requests to do a part 2, but im still debating whether i should or not considering it was supposed to be just a oneshot. I’m sure ill write another one though lmao, i kinda made it a bit of a cliffhanger without realizing i did. Much love ️

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anonymous asked:

please write something about harrry and his gf meeting up at the airport after he's been on tour for a long time. that short video of him at the airport in la made me think about how they would meet up and can you make ti flufffy/cute?

Sorry darling for the long time, but I hope you like it! Enjoy it! I loved to write it and I had a little tear in my eye as I wrote it!!

lots of love as always 

E.xx 

You slide into your coat as you look at the clock, which is hanging in the hallway. A soft smile is on your lips, and you feel the butterflies in your tummy. Grabbing the keys, you look at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes are shining and your cheeks are red because you are nervous. You wear his favourite jumper and skinny dark blue jeans with your white sneakers.

It’s cold outside so you wrap your arms around your body as you walk towards the black Range Rover.

Every time you open the Range Rover, you smell him.  It’s like he is sitting on the passenger seat complaining about your style of driving with a cheeky smirk on his lips. God, you think of his lips as you slide into the driver’s seat. How long has it been since you have kissed his sensual lips? How long had it been since you felt his touch, his warm body, his arms which are your home?

With a sigh you start the motor; you have to wait until the gate opens automatically. It feels like hours. Why can’t the portal open faster?, you ask yourself, ready to kick the accelerator. Finally the gate engages with a deep wiry sound. Kicking the gas pedal, you drive out of the driveway and the gravel crunches under the heavy wheels.

It’s already dark. Only the street lamps give light in a warm orange. As you stop because of a red traffic light you thrum with your fingers nervously on the steering wheel. Your gaze wanders around and you see an old man walking with his dog. The dog walks slowly; obviously is he tired and old. You bend your head to the right as you smile softly.

The light switches, and you turn on the radio. His CD is playing and the corners of your mouth twitch. Elvis is singing as you rush past some houses.  You know you are driving too fast but you are so jumpy.  

As you arrive at your destination you look at the display. 20 minutes. You look at your phone, smiling as you read the last message from him, which he sent 9 hours ago. Sliding your phone in the pocket of your coat you jump out of the car. The airport is well-lit and you hasten into the building.

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tartumbler94  asked:

Funny story, the moment that made me start shipping K18 was Krillin dying. It was really early on in my finding out of the series. I know it was early on because I was just finding out that Krillin died multiple times. I found a video of all the times he died...but one really struck me. The last one. When 17 kills Krillin in GT. This ask is short so I can't describe: The way 18 crawls up to her dying husband and tears, reaches for his hand and tells him she loves him. That was a powerful moment.

Yes, it was and it kills me EVERYTIME I watch it, even if I have seen it so many times! It’s just SO sad to see how distraught Eighteen is. Let’s break it down, shall we?

I mean, look at this look when Seventeen shoots his beam at Krillin.

And then when he falls and she and Marron run up to him.

And oh gosh, when she keeps shaking him, yelling at him to get himself together even though she probably already knows it’s too late…

…and then coming to terms with it that he’s gone, there is nothing she can do.

Seeing Eighteen cry like that really tugs at my heartstrings. And then we flashback, which is a nice ttouch but I wish they had shown us a little more than the generic things we already know, it would have made this scene even better in my opinion.

And then the tears finally overflow….

Anger starts to set in and she starts directing her attention to her brother.

AND SHE FRIKKING GOES BERSERK ON HIS ASS AND IT IS SO SATISFYING TO WATCH THAT!!

All the while screaming at him to “Give me Kuririn back! GIVE HIM BACK!!” (Japanese Dub)

It’s so heartwrenching…..T_____________________T

Then after making sure Marron is safe, she confronts her brother a second time but he overpowers her…

Afterwards, we see her struggling to stay conscious long enough to make it to where Krillin is…T_T

But she reaches him, and we can see the relieve if only just for a moment.

Finally, she quietly tells him she loved him before finally giving in and blacking out.

And anyone who says this scene didn’t do anything for them is a LIAR. Because how can this NOT tug at your heartstrings? Even if you don’t ship these too, this scene was so emotional…..

You’re Everything Harry Styles Smut for Anonymous

I sat in my apartment with a video tape in my hands staring down at it. Amazed by how one moment I was looking for past videos of my fiancé and I to having silent tears fall down from my face and a bottle of wine gone.

“Fiance I’m home!” My fiancé called out as he entered our apartment and dropped all of his things at the door like any other night. He came into the family room and saw me looking down at my hands with the tape. “Babe what is that?” He asked and I looked up at him and his face softened when he saw my tears.

“Why don’t you see for yourself. You can pull a full on marathon with the videos you have.” I said as I slapped his video to his chest as I walked toward our bedroom.

“Babe I’m so confused what is this?” He asked as he followed me in and I started packing a small bag. He stopped me and made me look at him.

“Those videos are all your sex tapes with all your past girlfriends, or one night stands! Next time you should hide them better or don’t call them Harry’s High School Scores!” I yelled as I kept packing my clothes and he stopped me from packing.

“Babe I just named those because I didn’t want my mom seeing them. I thought those were lost the moment we decided to move in together.” He said and I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“You never thought about telling me you’ve ever made a sex tape! Or should I say sex tapes!” I yelled  and went to the kitchen to get my phone charger.

“I didn’t know you at the time! This was before you where I was a complete jerk and didn’t care who I slept with.” He argued and I turned and looked at him sad.

“Harry.” Was all I said and he knew how hurt that caused me. Harry has been the only person I’ve slept with. He knew this and he knew how much stress it caused me and how important waiting was for me.

“Babe I didn’t mean it like that. I was careless back then but we’ve been together for so long and I chose you. I want you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You knew I have been with a lot of women.” He argued and I sighed.

“Harry hearing you say it is one thing but seeing it on tape with these women who are so out of my league.” I said in a sigh and he gently grabbed my hands and I looked up at him.

“Love what are you talking about?” HE asked and I looked back down starting to feel my eyes water.

“They’re so beautiful and sensual and experienced.” I said and I walked away and went back to our bedroom with tears falling onto my cheeks. I felt Harry come in and he hugged me by my waist. He kissed my shoulder and rested his chin.

“Love you are so divine and graceful and gentle and kind. I love you for who you are not because you aren’t sexually experienced. You’re everything to me even if you don’t see it.” He whispered while lightly rubbing my hip bones knowing that would help relax me.

“It’s hard to not compare myself to those women.” I whispered with a dry voice and he gave me gentle squeeze.

“Those women aren’t you. They didn’t steal my heart away , they didn’t make me belive in love. They never made me feel the way you do every single day.” He said and he lightly kissed the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and sighed and slumped my shoulders.

“Harry—“

“Love I’m so sorry. That was an old side of me that I hated, I love the side you bring me out and I want to be this side for the rest of my life. With you.” He interrupted and I turned around with silent tears covering my eyes and blurring my vision. He whispered soft ‘shhs’ and wiped my tears away. I leaned up and kissed him catching him off guard. He kissed me back and scooped me off my feet and gently laid me on the bed.

“You’re everything to me.” HE whispered before kissing down my neck and I unbuttoned my shirt while he lifted mine to kiss my stomach knowing how much I liked it. I let out a small whimper as his hands groped my breast through my bra and I felt him smirk. He unbuttoned my shorts and pulled them all the way down while I took off his shirt.

“My beautiful baby not wearing any underwear. I love it when you’re naughty.” He growled and I bit my lip as his lips attacked my core and gasped and grabbed our headboard. He grabbed my hips and lifted them up and went deeper and I bit my lip to keep myself quiet. He tapped my ass signaling for me to make noise, because he likes to hear me but I feel like an idiot when I moan.

“Fuck Harry. I’m close but I want to come with you not just by your mouth!” I moaned and I grabbed his hair to try to stop him but he went deeper and stuck a finger along with his tongue. I yelled and he smirked as I felt my orgasm reach its high and I pulled his hair causing him to grunt. I was panting as he climbed back up toward me and I couldn’t help but smile at his goofy grin that he had on.

“Babe you know I love to make you yell. You don’t have to be quiet if you want to yell. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you about cumin but I couldn’t help myself.” He said and kissed me hard and I kissed him back.

“Harry I love you.” I said with a small smile and he leaned down and kissed me again and I felt like I was in heaven. He looked at me and I nodded and he lined himself up with me and slowly slid in causing us both to moan out in pleasure.

“I want to make you feel good. You’re everything to me and I’m so glad I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you.” HE whispered and I smiled and forced him to kiss me as his hips started to move. I surprised him by flipping us over and rocking my hips back and forth. He grabbed my hips and started to thrust his up and I moaned louder while he followed with grunts. I clawed at his chest and bit my lip and he knew I was close. He brought a hand down and started to furiously rub my clit and I gasped and threw my head back. My hips rocked faster and I grabbed his thighs and squeezed.

“Harry fuck! I’m cuming!” I yelled as I reached my orgasm and Harry followed right after. We both panted and I got off him as I walked toward the bathroom to start a shower.

“Baby you know how much you mean to me right?” He asked as he came up behind me and hugged my waist.

“I know it’s not as much as I love you.” I said with a smirk and he laughed and kissed my cheek and as he started to walk away I slapped his ass and he jumped. I laughed and wnet into the shower smiling glad who I’m spending the rest of my life with the man I love.

Got7: Mark~ an eventful night

Summary: in which Mark takes you on vacation to his hometown in LA, and one night lets you hang out with a friend while he’s working. He later finds pictures of you all over his friends’ social media, and things don’t turn out well~ 💙


Flashing lights and the bass booming around the club was all you needed to let loose and have fun, seeing as your boyfriend was too busy to spend time with you. Instead, he thought it’d be a good idea to send you with one of his friends to show you around Los Angeles at night. It’s not that you were complaining, but you were a little hurt he’d think you’d have fun without him. Nonetheless, the atmosphere was amazing, and everyone here was so friendly- some, too friendly, in your opinion. Throughout the whole night, you had countless drunken guys stumble their way over to you, in hopes of fulfilling their disgusting desires.

Justin, one of Mark’s friends who was with you tonight, made sure none of those drunken idiots did you any harm and kept you at a close distance. Though he acted strange towards you himself, you didn’t give it much thought. You could see him from across the dance floor, leaning over at the bar, seemingly flirting with the bartender as he was mixing drinks.

‘Wow,’ you thought, ‘I didn’t know he swung that way.’ You laughed, as you danced along with a couple of nice girls that you just met, until you felt someone gripping your arm. “Here, y/n, I got us a couple drinks. Why don’t we go and sit in the VIP area over there?” You heard Justin yell over the loud music.

You felt uncomfortable at how close he was to you, you could practically taste the alcohol on his breath. You swallowed hard, and shook your head. “Uh, no thanks…I’m fine here.” You said.

“It’s all good, chica, Mark isn’t here so you can have fun. I won’t tell anyone.” He said, winking. Grabbing your arm even harder, he was set on dragging you with him to the other side of the club. You struggled to escape his grip, unsure of what the hell switched his mood all of the sudden, and glanced over to the girls that you were dancing with. No one seemed to be paying any mind, however, as they all went back to dancing and heavily grinding on each other.

“Hey! Let me go, what the hell is wrong with you?” You finally got his tight grip loose from your arm, and rubbed slightly at the skin. “I knew you were his girlfriend! Close friend, my ass!” He laughed hysterically, now seeming more drunk than ever, and you were scared because people were staring.

“Don’t you all know, this is Mark Tuan’s girlfriend! I can’t believe that playboy landed someone like you, what a shame. Why don’t you come with me, instead? I said I won’t tell anyone, and his dumbass won’t find out, so don’t worry.” You were nearly panicking now, seeing people taking out their phones and taking pictures and videos, all of them gasping and laughing at the situation. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

You should’ve known something was off about the guy. He barely even knew Mark and you had no idea why he’d even let you be alone with him, let alone take you out to a club. You started tearing up, and made your way to the exit, ignoring everyone’s remarks and snickering.

“Ahh, whatever, I bet you were just a one night stand anyway! Have fun being his play toy!” You heard Justin laughing, but now you were just thankful that you were out of the spotlight and could breathe some much needed fresh air. You inhaled slowly, controlling your breathing and steadying your beating heart. You didn’t have a ride back, and calling Mark might be out of the question seeing as he’s always busy. You decided to try, anyway, and rang his number.

“Hey, you reached my personal number so just leave a message and I’ll get back to you.” You sighed. Voicemail. This night seriously couldn’t have turned out any worse. Good thing you weren’t wearing unbearable heels, and could walk around until you saw a taxi. Before you could walk too far, though, you heard someone honking.

You saw a car not too far by, driving fast and parking next to where you were standing. The driver opened the door and slammed it quickly, running over to your side. “Mark?! Oh, my god…” you ran into his arms and nearly burst out crying. How did he know when to come here? You didn’t care, all that mattered is that now you were safe in his arms. He seemed to be speaking, although you couldn’t really comprehend what, as blood rushed and pounced in your ear. You wiped your tears and hesitantly pulled away.

“-I swear to god, I’m gonna fucking kill him, I’m gonna kill all of them…” He rambled, not really paying attention to the fact that you were basically trembling and begging to be going home. He had a look in his eye that made your spine shiver and you didn’t know if you liked it. “Huh? What are you talking about?” You asked, grabbing his face and making him look at you. His eyes softened as he saw your expression, and leaned his head to kiss your palm.

“The pictures- I… everyone was sending me pictures on instagram and snap chat and- what the hell happened?”

He said, trying to remain calm but obviously struggling. His eyes searched your face for an answer. “I don’t know, why don’t you tell me? Your friend? Justin? He practically screamed it for the entrie world that I was your girlfriend and everyone started taking out their phones and I had to get out….” you sniffled.

He sighed, but still looking as agitated as ever. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted that bastard. I was just so busy and you wanted to go out, and he offered to show you around. This is all my fault, y/n. Did he touch you? Did he hurt you in any way? I swear, I’m gonna kill him-” his grip tightened around your waist, his eyes looking towards the entrance of the club.

“Shhh, no don’t worry, he didn’t. It’s okay. You’re here now, I couldn’t give a damn about him or anyone else. But…they do know about me and you.” You sighed. He shook his head. “I don’t care about that, they can say whatever they want. I’ve been trying to make it known, anyway. But you should know, y/n, if we don’t get out of here now, I can’t guarantee who’s face my fist is gonna end up in.” He took several shaken breaths before composing himself and looking at you.

“I’m sorry, baby girl, I never wanted your vacation to be like this. Don’t worry, I’ll deal with that piece of garbage tomorrow whether you like it or not.” You nodded, not really wanting to see jealous Mark unleashing his wrath on everyone- at least not right now. “Yes, baby, let’s get out of here. Please.” He took your hand in his and lead you to the car, still mumbling about wanting to strangle someone in their sleep.

Originally posted by igot7foreverlikeoh

A Fairytale Ending

Originally posted by martziplier98

Request: Could you do a Tyler storie/blurb thing where reader is his girlfriend and she is a singer on youtube, she gets a sponsorship from Disney for Beauty and The Beast and gets to record at one of the Castles at Disney world dressed in a Belle style dress and she has Tyler be her ‘Beast’/Dancing Partner for the music video and he proposes in at the end of it??

Summary: Fem!Reader is filming a Beauty and the Beast music video when boyfriend Tyler proposes and everyone cries :)

A/N: Hey y'all! Don’t know what it was about this fic that was really difficult for me to write? Anyway here it is! It’s based on the Ariana Grande and John Legend music video, just pretend there’s no John Legend lol. Enjoy!

Wordcount: 1086, the hardest fics are always the longest why to heck

Requests are closed at the moment, sorry dudes!

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lana’s video for Love actually made me tear up at the point where the camera zooms in on her eye and we can see the glittering cosmos reflected back at us. this video might just be a cool aesthetic piece, or it might be the perfect conceptualisation of what it feels like to be “young and in love.” falling in love makes you believe in crazy things. logic is the monopoly of single people, who tell us that falling in love is an amalgam of coincidence and compatibility and social conditioning. everybody knows this - until you fall in love, of course. then the truth of the universe is unveiled to you. lovers emerge from the earthly dark into the loving glow of the sunlight. love transcends us far above the world; to a place where time ceases to exist, and the only gravitational pull is the infinite string between two beating hearts. suddenly, you see that every event in your life has been a stepping stone leading you to this person. all those whims and free choices, were actually the intricate weaving of the stars. and now that you have found this person, the soul that was born of the same stuff yours was, it feels like all the planets are aligned; the music of the spheres rings in concordant harmony; and your place in the universe is no mistake - all this time, you were made with intention. and with that realisation, comes the recognition of divinity. from thereon, every mundane moment - going down to the coffee shop, playing video games - is celestial. you navigate through the universe with new eyes, filled with awe and reverence. it might be a senseless theory, but it doesn’t matter that all of this is beyond human comprehension. it doesn’t matter that the people who manage to hold onto their sanity tell us we’re crazy. as lana puts it, so perfectly simple, it’s enough to be young and in love.

It’s Okay.

i wrote this for @trans-legendary-defenders trans week,  February 20: Lost in space/ Family and its the 20th for me now so im posting this 

its abt keith finding out what trans means, then finding out hes a trans boy, which u can also read on ao3 

warning: at the beginning of the story he has a different name n pronouns, also theres the t slur, and misgendering 


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You Look Happier (Grayson x Reader)

Summary: Requested by anon: “your imagines are so good omgomgomg!!! is it possible if you could do a grayson imagine based off the song happier by ed sheeran? and could it be grayson’s pov? thx!!:)”
Word Count: 2,049
Warnings: Alcohol abuse, heartbreak. I cry.
A/N: I love this song, it’s saaad. Like who hurt Ed Sheeran so badly? :( Anyway, hope you like this dear anon. Thank you guys so much for almost 200 followers. Also, this is my 100th post, yay! Listen to the song for the full effect.

GRAYSON’S P.OV.


“Walking down 29th and park, I saw you in another’s arms
Only a month we’ve been apart, you look happier”


We had walked around town, Ethan and I, searching for a good location to film our newest video in. I hadn’t expected it at all, I hadn’t seen it coming. But there she was, in another man’s arms. She was standing outside a clothing store, bright smile on her face as she wrapped her arms around the man’s neck. It was like something had pierced my heart at the sight, because that smile was once only reserved for me. I stopped in my tracks, feeling like the breath had been knocked out of me and the tip of my fingers became numb. She looked so happy, way happier than she had looked when she was with me at the final stage of our relationship. Sure, it had been a month and she deserved to be happy because I had hurt her pretty bad, stuff that wasn’t supposed to be said, was said, and now she had moved on.

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