this took me like 5 years to color

Of Doodles and Ink

Gency week, day 1 - First!

Next of the week!

I’ve been sick for a while and haven’t had the time to write anything, so there won’t be much Gency week material from me after all. However, I will write those things I have planned, either soon or eventually. But I do have a large thing planned for posting later this week!

This small thing here was all written today, so please excuse any mistakes. 

Appropiate tags: soulmate au, first meeting, first contact!

Please enjoy!

Keep reading

KNOW ABOUT ME

I was tagged by these lovelies - @itsjustinyourwildestdreams @introduced13 @bravestthingieverdidwasrun

THE LAST

1. Drink: Coffee
2. Phone call: My dad
3. Text message: @sensibleswiftie
4. Song you listened to: Hey Stephen
5. Time you cried: Yesterday
6. Dated someone twice: Like when i was 13 if that even counts
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: 6 years ago 
8. Lost someone special: Fortunately 10 years ago
9. Been cheated on: Not that I know of
10. Been depressed: Last week
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Never

THREE FAVORITE COLORS

12. Lilac
13. Pink
14. Baby blue

IN THE LAST YEAR YOU HAVE:

15. Fallen out of love: no
16. Laughed until you cried: yes
17. Found out someone was talking about you: yes 
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes-Taylor
20. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yes

GENERAL:

21. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Maybe half
22. Do you have any pets: Kitten, an African Grey and a dog!
23. Do you want to change your name: No, even though its hard for English speaking people to pronounce
24. What did you do for your last birthday: Went out to eat with friends 
25. What time did you wake up: 5:15 am.
26. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was sleeping lol
27. Name something you can’t wait for: TS6 and starting my first job
28. When was the last time you saw your mom: 2 Days ago
29. What are you listening to right now: I’m not listening to anything rn
30. Have you ever talked to someone named Tom: Nope
31. Something that is getting on your nerves: The constant knit picking at everything Taylor does 
32. Most visited website: Tumblr 
33. Hair color: Blonde 
34. Short or long hair: Medium length
35. Do you have a crush on someone: My boyfriend
36. What do you like about yourself: My loyalty and devotion 
37. Any piercings: Just earings
38. Blood type: A+
39. Nickname: J/Jelly/Koekoe/Pantoffel
40. Relationship status: In a relationship
41. Zodiac: Aquarius
42. Pronouns: She
43. Favorite tv show: Hawai 5 o
44. Tattoos: no
45. Right or left handed: right
46. Surgery: Tons in my eyes and when they took my wisdom teeth and tonsils out
47. Sport: Used to be field hockey
48. Vacation: Cape Town
49. Pair of trainers: My fav pair is Nike ones that are blue and pink

MORE GENERAL:

50. Eating: Always

51. Drinking: Lipton Peach Ice Tea

52. I’m about to: Go to bed

53. Waiting for: TS6

54. Want: TS6

55. Get married: 5 years lol

56. Career: Auditor

WHICH IS BETTER:

57. Hugs or kisses: Hugs

58. Lips or eyes: eyes

59. Short or taller: taller

60. Older or younger: older

61. Nice Arms or nice stomach: I don’t care

62. Hookup or relationship: relationship

63. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:

64. Kissed a stranger: yes

65. Drank hard liquor: yes

67. Lost glasses/contact lenses: No

68. Turned someone down: yes

69. Sex on the first date: no

70. Had your heart broken: yes

71. Been arrested: no

72. Cried when someone died: yes

73. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

74. Yourself: Yes

75. Miracles: sometimes

76. Love at first sight: yes 

77. Santa claus: Why not?

78. Kiss on the first date: Yes

79. Angels: Yes

OTHER:

80. Eye color: blue

81. Favorite movie(s): I prefer books

Thanks for reading this, I’m tagging: @haleenazman86 @swiftful-thinking13 @y0u-are-in-l0ve @idreamofkitty @in-her-wildest-dreams @stillgotscars @hauntedromantics @longlive-swifties

BLACK PAIN

Today I was driving to the playground with my two nephews in the back seat and the minute I saw a police officer get behind me, my soul literally left my body. I slowed down and kept looking in my rear view mirror at the cop. Once he sped past me, I felt at ease but still scared. Later today I came home with that experience still in mind and sat at the edge of my bed and just cried. I cried because in 5 months I’ll be bringing a black child into this world & I can’t stop thinking about all the problems they will encounter bc of their skin color. I know as a child I used to hate my dark skin and hair. I went through a huge identity crisis and it took years for me to love being black and I never want my child to experience anything like that. Being black in this country you will experience something. I cried bc no matter how much love I give them, this world will tell them their ugly and less than. No matter how much I value them, this world will tell them other wise. I cried for the black mothers who have lost their children to modern day lynchings; becoming a mother is so exciting yet Scary bc I’m not ready to even have that conversation with them. I cried for the little black girls and black boys of this country. I cried bc black life is so fragile. It’s 2016 were literally at an all time high of racial tension, this years election puts me even more on edge, & I’m brining a child into that. It’s hurts so bad to see my brothers and sisters in pain, to see all the racism, the videos every day on my timeline of racial abuse. IT HURTS. And all I can do is cry for my unborn child.

2

happy first official day of summer break!!! this is the summer before my junior year, so it’s extremely important that I’m productive bc college applications n such!!! this isn’t everything I’m doing, and I might not finish all of it, but writing things down always makes me more likely to complete them!! sophomore I only took 1 AP class, and junior year I’m taking 5, so I’ll be preparing for that all summer and posting pics of my progress!! have a wild summer!!!!!

on top of having to see. …… … Him next year and have to dodge him in the hallways, i dread the next school year because i have the pressure of being a senior which means i have tp graduate next year but its almost 100% likely i wont

like, cant wait to get shunned and shamed by my family for being held back in high school while watching the asshole who took advantage of me graduate with flying colors and probably be praised and become valedictorian or whatever.

so basically what im saying is im trying to shut school completely out of my mind because im terrified of whats gonna happen next year :(

4

Okay. this is literally everything I use for school related adventures. 

Yes. it is a lot, but do not worry. A lot of this stuff is repeats (I have a shit ton of gel pens, highlighters, sharpies, and other pencil/pen related things) 

Other things are just really big such as my tablet, passion planner binder, and the mini computer desk. 

Heck, some of this stuff I haven’t even used yet. But to get started on this list ( I will attempt at keeping my little blurbs at a minimum…) 

  1. Book bag - if you don’t know what that is, you are doomed
  2. folders - to keep all papers from classes in 
  3. cambridge writing pad - like a legal notebook I think that’s what it is called
  4. chargers - ipad, phone, tablet 
  5. colored pencils - I have a total of 36 
  6. passion planner - I have went on and on about this in several other posts and I will be making an in depth post very soon about how it works and how I organize my own. 
  7. tablet with case that has a keyboard
  8. ipad - this isn’t shown because it is what I am taking the picture with it
  9. phone - also not listed because i forgot it.
  10. paper portfolio - I usually just put my folders filled with paper in here to save me some room and easier to carry
  11. humongous pencil case holder - my mom just bought me this for Christmas, bless her soul because look at all my pens. 
  12. paper clippers - don’t know the actual names of those oops. just to hold large stacks of paper. 
  13. page flags - I like these just to use with notes, very nice and sticks well
  14. scissors - please tell me you know what these are for
  15. stapler/staples - put packets of paper together
  16. binder hole puncher - I GOT THIS TODAY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH, VERY HELPFUL. COMPLETELY RECOMMEND YOU GET ONE. 
  17. white out - for my many many many mistakes
  18. BIC fine point permanent markers - haven’t really used these much just nice to have when I do use. Plus, i like the colors
  19. sharpie fine points - very useful, me gusto 
  20. mechanical pencils - seriously love this brand, favorite type.
  21. pen/stylus - I use with my tablet and iPad, very handy
  22. regular pens - useful
  23. gel regular pens - useful
  24. elegant writer pens - i stole these from my grandma, i just use these for fun sometimes 
  25. protracter - i took this from school last year and forgot to ever give it back, but rarely use but very helpful
  26. flashcards - I make a lot of these for apush and other terms 
  27. highlighters - I have like 5 different brands of highlights, you honestly do not need these many, but a lot of these are half dead and yeah.
  28. gel pens of many colors - I literally stole all of these from my grandma because she never used them and said I could take what I wanted. I have been using these SO SO SO much, because of the variety of colors, make my passion planner fun and easier to work with and just taking notes in general. plus they are not expensive and look like
  29. mini case of mini gel pens - I use these sometime but they keep like dying on me and no 
  30. graph pad- i just bought this today and haven’t used it and don’t know what i will use it for but I KNOW it will be handy
  31. composition notebooks- good for pre-revised notes.b 
  32. wide rule notebooks - good for revised notes or un-revised. 
  33. computer desk thingie - its for your lap and yeah its handy when I want to work on my bed or the floor. 

But that is the long list and if you have any questions about specific things feel free to shoot me an ask, also to the people who asked if I could make one of these if I didn’t do something you were hoping tell me and I can edit this or even make a new one in the near future. 

2 am

Zayn: He was leaving you tomorrow. The road, the tour, they called his name in anticipation. He was excited to go, excited to sing. But he cast his mournful coffee eyes back to your sleeping figure- he was not excited to leave you. The days seemed to be going too fast, and too soon it was today and time hung over his shoulder, it’s ghostly fingers tapping Zayn on the shoulder. It would not be ignored. It was 2 am and Zayn had about four more hours until he had to leave. He’d held you all night, kissed you until his lips were swollen and numb from yours. He’d made love to you in every single way he could think of so he could memorize the way your body bowed and sighed beneath and above his. He’d taken you out, he’d stayed in with you. Making this week about all the things you wanted to do with him before he left. But he had one thing he had wanted to do, one thing he still needed to check off the list. He’d done everything but draw you. You never sat for him, (no matter how much he begged) you didn’t like it. You always said, “I feel so weird.” But in truth you didn’t let Zayn draw you because those dark eyes could see right through you, and you were scared he’d see how much need you held for him. But tonight you slept, and Zayn could draw. He lit a candle by the bed, wanting to see how the light would lick over your skin, creating shadows and the smooth color of gold. You shifted, your hand stretching out for him, moving over his cold pillow. Quickly, he adjusted, drawing the way your hand, palm up, searched for him. It was an invitation, a seeking need and Zayn sighed. You looked beautiful in the caramel light and he took a drag of his cigarette. He would have you like this always in his mind. Soft, vulnerable, looking for him in your unconscious state. He finished his drawing and slid into bed beside you, pressing his cigarette lips to yours, filling you with smoke, fire, and his love.

Liam: “L is for the way you look at me,” he was singing, moving around the kitchen making a midnight snack. He’d been unable to sleep and he figured a nice sandwich and some hot tea would help cure his sleeplessness. He didn’t like to get out of bed and leave you but he couldn’t stare into the darkness any longer. He had counted sheep, he tightened every muscle to relax it, but nothing worked. “Whatcha doin?” Liam turned and chagrined, knowing he had woken you up.  You looked adorably ruffled, your hair sticking up on the side and your eyes still heavy with sleep. You still looked warm, and Liam wanted to wrap himself around you until you were no longer two, but just one. “I can’t sleep,” he said pulling out the cheese. You sat at the table and he kept singing, his deep voice making you shiver. One of the nicest things was being able to hear Liam sing at all hours of the day. Whether it was on commercial breaks, cooking or just playing with your hair. Liam sang for you. “I love that song. My dad used to sing that to my mom,” you offered, watching him set down his plate. “Really? You never told me that,” he offered his hand and you looked at him, your eyebrow raised. “What?” He laughed and pulled you to your feet himself. “I want to dance with you,” he pulled you to his chest and began singing again, your cheek against his. “O is for the only one, I see.” You didn’t tell Liam this, but when you were younger you’d creep down the stairs and see your parents doing exactly this. Your daddy used to tell you to wait for a man who will dance with you at 2 am in your pajamas, not caring how you looked or if you had makeup on your face. He would dance with you just because he wanted to hold you. Liam dipped you, his bright grin shining down on you. “We’re the next Fred and Ginger,” he said whirling you back up. “I love you,” you said, lips against his ear. He squeezed you tighter, not even realizing what he had just done.

Louis: “Can you pass me the blue, please?” You asked stifling a yawn. He shook his head, coloring in the water above Ariel’s head. “Sorry, I’m creating the ocean right now.” He said back, nudging your shoulder. It was two a.m. on a Friday night and neither of you could sleep. So of course, the obvious decision between you and Louis was to start coloring. He didn’t mind that the only coloring book around was Disney Princesses. He had called dibs on Ariel immediately, leaving you to frown at him. “People think I live such a glamorous lifestyle,” he dead-panned finishing off the top of the waves. He handed you a blue crayon and grabbed green, getting ready to start on Ariel’s tale. “I think this is glamorous. You’ve got a fire place, a gorgeous girl and a bottle of wine,” you winked, using the blue to color Belle’s dress. “This is pretty ritzy,” he chuckled. Honestly, Louis preferred this. It was quiet, intimate and he had you all to himself. He was more than happy to take you out on his arm to an event, but these small private moments were the best. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve done anything in my life that compares to this,” he said quietly. You’re cheeks flamed and you kept coloring, not meeting his gaze. “Yeah, okay,” in what world could coloring in a 5 year old’s book compare to a world tour? “It is. Because I’ve got everything I need right here with me,” he took your hand and pressed his lips to your knuckle. “Like you said, I have my best girl, a bottle of wine, a fire to keep warm and a roof over my head. I could die happy right now,” he pressed a soft kiss to your lips and began coloring again like nothing had happened. “Really?” You finally whispered. You had always worried if this life was enough for Louis, after traveling on the road and seeing such wonderful places. “All I need for the rest of my life,” he said, hand cupping your jaw, “Is you.”

Harry: “Would you like some ice cream with your whipped cream?” You lifted a brow as Harry doused his sundae in whip cream. He lifted his eyes to yours, the green irises asking if you were serious or not. “It’s the best part of a sundae,” he said slowly, his voice carrying mild traces of disbelief. “You couldn’t be more wrong,” you shook your head and grabbed the hot fudge, dumping at least half the jar on top of your ice cream. Harry grimaced, his stomach rolling at the amount of sugar you just added. He popped a cherry into his mouth and dropped a few on top of the cream. “Mine’s better,” he taunted, licking his fingers clean. “Nuh uh,” you smeared chocolate on his cheek and he laughed. It was 2 a.m. and you were both dead tired, but neither of you could fall asleep. You’d worked up quite an appetite, and the only thing both of you wanted in your post-sex glow was some ice cream. He rubbed his cheek against yours, smearing the chocolate sauce over your white skin. He licked it off, his eyes wicked. “Mmm, chocolate and you.” You finished off your sundae and Harry lifted you, sitting you on the island in the kitchen. He hopped up next to you, both of your bodies touching from shoulder to foot. “Sure you don’t want a taste?” You asked, taking a ginormous bite out of your creation. “Sure,” he opened his mouth and you made sure you got banana, chocolate sauce and the chocolate ice cream before you fed it to Harry. His eyes lit up and he opened his mouth again after the first bite. “That’s yummy!” You took turns off and on, feeding each other bites of your sundae until they were gone. “Are you full?” He asked suddenly. You moaned in response, your hands clutching your stomach. “I couldn’t eat another thing,” He grinned at you, tossing you over his shoulder. “I could,” he gave your ass a smack and grabbed the chocolate sauce, carrying you upstairs to make his own personal sundae. 

Niall: His fingers traced yours in the darkness. His calloused hand gliding over your soft one, causing the most wonderful sort of friction. His index finger traced the curve of each of yours, over and up and back down again. He ran his thumb across your palm, your life lines and then pressed his lips to it. “Tell me,” you whispered, only able to make out his silhouette in the darkness. You knew he was grinning though. “We’d live in Ireland. In a cute little cottage with a stone front, just how you like. There’d be fields on all side of us, bright and as green as you’d ever seen. We’d watch Derby together, even though you don’t understand-” he broke off laughing and you joined. You’d been dating Niall for two years and you still didn’t understand. His lips hunted in the darkness until the found the tip of your nose, to which he gave a soft kiss. “I’ll watch all your dumb shows with you. And we’ll have our Friday night pizza and beer traditions still but when the kids come we’ll have to switch to soda.” His hands were still moving over yours and you could see it, your life with Niall. Fresh air, open spaces and him, filling up your whole life. “Kids, huh?” You asked, the smile on your face growing by the second. “Aye, kids. With their fathers accent and their mothers eyes,” he kissed you softly on the lips. Niall had never shared aloud his dream with you of how his future would look, but he figured it was about time. “We’ll marry in Ireland- I hope. In the church where my parents were wed. We’ll go wherever ye’d like for honeymoon, although it won’t matter much because I won’t be letting you out of bed.” You laughed and leaned your chin on his chest, your hands tracing his lips. You saw it. All of it. You in white, Niall in grey, standing with his brother and father proudly as you walked toward him. “You’ve been dreaming for a while about this then,” You asked softly, wanting the vision he painted more than anything. “I’ve been waiting for you my whole life, baby girl.” he answered back, his fingers pushing your hair off your face. “There was never a dream before you.”

In other news my parents are foster parents right? Idk if I ever told you guys but like yeah, I’m adopted and I’ve been with them since I was like 4 or 5 and they adopted me when I was 11 and anyway okay so story time:

A couple years ago they took care of this little seven-year-old girl (we’ll call her Shay) and her little one-year-old sister (we’ll call her Leah) and they were black and Shay absolutely HATED her skin color and her hair and she was convinced that she wasn’t important because of it and I think it was rubbing off on her little sister and it just absolutely broke my heart, ya know? And no one was making any effort to change their minds so I took matters into my own hands. Every morning when I had to wake Shay up for school, I always had to do her hair and as I did her hair, I always said to her “You’re important. You’re beautiful. Your skin is a blessing.” and I said that to her for a couple weeks before it started going like:

“What are you?”
“Important.”
“And?”
“Beautiful.”
“And what about your skin?”
“Its a blessing.”
“That’s right.”

And so it went like that for about three and a half months before they had to be moved to another home because their mother requested them to be moved to a home closer to her and they found one so yeah. And this morning when I went downstairs to eat, my mom was on the phone and she saw me and she was like “Wait a minute, here she is” and I was like ???? I just woke up I can’t hold a conversation. But I took the phone anyway and I said “hello?” and the girls on the other line said “DESIREE!!” and they started screaming in excitement and I didn’t recognize her voice at all because she sounded older and so I was like “Yes…who’s this..?” and she was like “Its Shay and Leah!” and Leah said “HI DESY!” really loudly and my heart literally jumped out of my chest like…I missed these girls so much I nearly cried. And so I was talking to them and Shay told me she made the Honor Roll at school and she’s nine-years-old now and Leah’s three-years-old and…you know what Shay told me? She said she taught Leah what I taught her and over the phone they both said to me:

“I am important. I am beautiful. My skin is a blessing.”

And that…that is the first time I truly ever cried tears of joy and it felt so good. My mood is lifted possibly for the rest of my life. Please teach your kids to love their skin before its too late to change their minds.

today at work i took chalks out for the kids to play with on the playground and this one black girl went and hid behind the slide and covered her entire face with white chalk so when i found her i took her inside i wiped all the chalk off her face and i asked her why she did that and she said she wanted to be white and my heart BROKE i literally started tearing up i couldn’t help it and i told her that she was so so beautiful and to never say that about herself and that she is unique and glorious and that she could talk to me whenever she wanted and to never feel like that ever because black is so beautiful and so is she
she’s literally 5 years old and it makes me sick to my stomach that kids of color this young are having these thoughts when these things should never be an issue and these things arent even talked about more often its fucking sickening

Dancing Machine

I devoutly took dance classes from the age of 5 through high school. I didn’t waste my time with things like ballet and tap - I was only interested in jazz. I knew this was my ticket to becoming the next Fly Girl on In Living Color.

Who cares that I was hands down the worst in my class year after year? Who cares that I had no propensity for memorizing choreography? Who cares that my lack of coordination and flexibility prevented me from doing ninety percent of the dance steps? Who cares that I was significantly taller than everyone else and, despite my steady diet of Doritos and Dairy Queen, 30 pounds underweight? I would NOT let these things stop me from dancing the best hip hop I was capable of and proving an embarrassment to both myself and those around me!

Here’s that awesome recital costume from this year. (I can only imagine the photographer must have instructed me to pose as though I was having a back spasm).

Here are some other recital costumes that are really just incredible: