this took me forever but i can now say i learned how to cast on stitches!!

1.) You could drag us through hell and we’d make it out alive, but if you let go while we stood on top of a flame; I’m not sure if I’d burn with you or drag you into another circle we can’t escape from. If you leave us here, don’t call. If you kept us breathing and it’s a miracle that we still love each other, are we still friends or just lovers who knew too much? Don’t text, don’t write. Bye.

2.) Learning all about you, but I already knew everything. Now? It’s all gossip about what they’re wearing and what funny videos can make us laugh the hardest. A shallow and hollow thing to love what is not ours and hate what is us. If you were all that I needed, I could stay… and I could love you until we died from old age, but we’re young and I think you taught me that people change. We’re no longer the same.

3.) Mirroring everything from the way we smiled to the way sentences were finished. Inside jokes of the sweetest beginnings. The love letters were always enough. If I held you hand and sensed a bit of tragedy, I wonder if you knew as well. Love was dying to end.

4.) Trust, the sad ship that didn’t know a storm would sink all things. If it gets broken and we both committed to see it through, it will never look the same. Like fast food left out for a week, it’s edible, but there isn’t much nutrition. That cigarette we put out, some things don’t hit as hard the second time around. The last time we made love, I’m certain you felt it in your heart. Promises don’t look the same if we broke our pinkies while making it. Don’t come running back to me, if my presence is all you need.

5.) Those tv shows, they were fun, right? You want to know what’s not? Watching it without you. How the episodes are a reminder of dead people and comedy doesn’t make us laugh; tears are for the regretful and hunny, I have plenty of it. Don’t you?

6.) We had our own language, secret spots we talked about going to, but there was never enough time. If I could hold the hands of time and slowed us down, could we return to being gentle? I miss your pretty smile, but it hurts me to see it as not mine. Your happiness comes first, so I’m glad you found a sweeter person to smile for. I’m sorry about the tears, but what’s mine will always be yours. Unfold with me.

7.) Getting lost inside of your thoughts, and seeing our differences really tore us apart. The more we got to know each other, the more we split up. Split ends catch on fire as much as rose thorns do. What’s that called again? Oh, right. Unrequited love. A love that was returning and selfish. We are torn, but we will survive this, I think.

8.) Some nights you did the crying, some nights I did. Did we ask for it? Probably not, but some nights we did. I know I wasn’t the best thing since poetry, but you weren’t. We still managed to keep it together, but some years I could swear we drowned. Some months I can hear your silence. Some weeks we’re back to the pools of hate. Some days, hell, everyday… I can still see your image as you held onto my fingertips that knew of us. The smell you left on my shoulders, a springtime I can’t forget. If you tore apart my heart, please stitch it back once you got what you came for. You’re in my head and the backspacing I did in some texts weren’t meant for you to read. Baby, I’m sorry. Forgive me some other time.

9.) Our little memories constantly on rewind as I’m still trying to remove my stained smile from the carpets of hell. If I wasn’t so splattered and the roses weren’t as bloody, I bet we could hold onto the tenderness of year one. Can you breathe? I hope so, because I can’t. You don’t know what you do to me.

10.) The time we walked to the park and talked about lovely nothings. A simple moment, the best kind. It’s the simple things that make up the complex details of an unsettling relationship. If you were all mine and I had more time to clean up my head, some lovers still need to die. We are as dead now as when we first kissed.

11.) Feelings of the first torch mankind held, that was us. If I had a bullet for every time you controlled an outcome, hell would be packed to the cell. I think we all have a bit of demons still crying to break out and make it home. If I was all yours and I didn’t love to yell, maybe we could still be friends. Maybe I could still call without saying sorry, maybe I could text you without crying and maybe I could love you without hating every bit of your silliness.

12.) Because you may not know love until you say I found my soulmate. I thought you were the one, hell, you might still be the one, but love was meant to break us. That’s how we grow. I picked up poetry because I ran out of ways to say I missed your smile today, funny, right? I don’t say it anymore, but if we still talked every day… hey, I miss your smile. I don’t want you to stay, I just wanted you to feel something. I hope you never get numb to the thoughts of us, like I have.

13.) Trying to forget you, yeah, that’s impossible. How can you forget an extension of your soul? That’s what you were. How can you not feel that long break in your heartbeat? That’s you too. How can I not love myself? You once defined us as something forever could love, something always planned, and we’re stardusts from the same sun. If I gave you what you need, you still picked yourself every time. I don’t blame you, I’d pick myself too.

14.) We never took enough pictures, we weren’t like the average couple. Going out to movies and nice dinners. Always out of time, the youthful love trying to grow up. We never did a lot of things except for creating more memories to overflow the mind. My brain is running out of room to breathe, to store, maybe that’s why I’m always up at night. Each poem is a memory slipping from my memories. I’m sorry, I’m slowly forgetting your hair color, the way you made that face when you were disgusted, the way you laughed because they were being stupid, the way your mom had you in chains, I’m forgetting your average eye color and that’s scaring the fuck out of me. I don’t remember your face without scrolling through old photos, that must be why they call it nostalgia. We’re dying, baby.

15.) You’re probably crying and reading this list or using your new technique to skim through this quickly. I’m sorry, it won’t be that easy to skip through my pain. You’re reading every word, every line, every number and I want you to know that each poem even if it’s not about you; you’re in every verse, every metaphor, every simile as if you were more than human. That’s how I make you feel, right? Like you were more. Here’s to that. You’ll feel like a bit more torn, more tears dripping from the corners of your eyes and I’m sorry, but those are as much mine as they are yours. We knew how to undress the body before we took care of the heart. That is our flaw. You followed without complaining and I played while being blind. If I said I love you now, you could still smell spring and its first rain.

16.) If you could breathe with him, I’m happy for you, I am. I could never give you that. I had anxiety around your family and even though they hated me, I still stuck around. Time doesn’t change hate, it doesn’t. Dear Nightingale, if you made it this far, I hope you can get away from traps of the mind and learn to live freely. Away from toxic lovers, demanding family ties and some poetry that can cast a spell. I wish you learn to fly without having to make a stop at every bridge. Some bridges burn brightest when we’re standing on it, I hope you can find true love one day even if it means you’re alone and it’s just you that you’ll love.

17.) I heard about our love within a dream and the best friends knew they’d fall in love. I was yours and you were mine, but controlling is what controlling does. We will be timeless and the stars may seem bright, but that’s the best part. It was never about us, it was about growing and letting go. If you made it this far without shedding one tear, I’m proud of you. That’s how we’ll grow from this. I know it has been months, but you’re still as much on my mind now as when we first ran into each other in Algebra.

18.) If we ever met as strangers, I hope every memory bites your cells and you succumb to the feelings because that’s how I am each night. You’ve always been too busy to smell the flowers. You have. I hope you learn to slow yourself down and enjoy the breeze. I hope you are hopeful and learn to breathe with him. I like him, I do. He’s different in every aspect, how couldn’t I love him? He’s everything I kind of want to be.

19.) True love was never for us. We should’ve stayed as friends. Planetary afflictions made the best lovers, but some writer’s block is impossible to write over. Some hearts stop during the a.m. Some lovers drop jaws and get restless once the dead comes back to life. I’m sorry, but love isn’t for everyone. What we had was bad, but love you, I did. If we could write another chapter, I’d leave it blank. Some friends weren’t meant to love.

20.) If I could hold your hand each night before I went to bed, if I held your curves gently and laid there breathing instead of sweating, if I knew how to kiss you with innocence instead of lust, if you weren’t beautiful in every angle and I wanted to frame that into my thoughts, if I was more heartfelt and more mature, if I knew how to handle candy with decisiveness and didn’t rot my teeth with your sweets, if I had less cracks and you didn’t slip into every single one, if I whispered instead of yelling, if I was a better lover…

I wouldn’t have to write any of this.
I’m sorry, I still love you.
I hope you don’t hate me,
best friend of mine.

—  20 reasons as to why you should fall in love with your best friend and… why you also shouldn’t.