this took me about 30 seconds

restingbitchfaceisnotsadface  asked:

"I can start with how I went to marine science camp as a kid and end with that time I accidentally brought a flamethrower into the county courthouse" --- PLEASE EXPLAIN IM SO CONFUSED D:

So, when I was a kid, my parents worked full time, so during the summer, my sister and I were enrolled in day-camp so we’d be adequately tired when we got home, and my FAVORITE  camp was Marine Science Camp, run by MSI on the banks of redwood creek, right off the San Francisco bay.  It was AWESOME: we got to dissect squid, there was a literal shark tank, which we got to fish leopard sharks out of and Tag Them For Scientific Research, ad we’d go out on the boat once a week and do things like haul a net full of fish out, use a scoop to study benthic creatures and look at plankton under a microscope.  I realize now we were essentially doing transects, dissections and other field/lab work for a bunch of grad students but it was FUN.  

I totally wanted to be a marine biologist when I grew up and would tell anyone who asked me what I was into about nematocyts and oceanic acidification until The Adult realized their mistake and fled.

At the same time, I was pursing an aggressive interest in the visual arts, which my parents heavily encouraged, becuase they are excellent parents and because it;s was a QUIET hobby unlikely to result in bodily harm, unlike my sister, who got into karate and Theater, which is a surprising dangerous combination.

But then i got to college and realized an issue with this plan: I, hands down, SUCK at chemistry.  I did okay in into becuase I’m great at taking standardized tests, and the teacher got suspended halfway through the semester for getting into a fistfight with another prof for poaching his grad student, but Organic Chemistry was a disaster.  I’ve never been good at arithmetic, and balancing chemical equations is something i need the dang molecule models for. So marine bio was a No-Go.

So I switched my major over to Art, which turned out to be kind of a disaster (the school managed to lose an entire semester of my grades because the Art Department kept really sloppy records and i ended up dropping out and resuming college elsewhere) and AMAZING, becuase I took a human figure drawing course with professor [REDACTED] who announced on the third day of class:  “SWEET THE FOOLS JUST GAVE ME TENURE.  CAN’T FIRE ME NOW, SO LEMME SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A FLAMETHROWER”

The thing she actually taught us was how to modify a culinary butane torch to empty the canister at a much higher rate than any manufacturer anywhere recommends, which gives you and AWESOME bigass jet of blue flame, but only lasts about 30 seconds per container.  She also showed us how to make bandeliers so we could carry multiple containers, “just in case”.

In more practical lessons, we were in class when the first gov’t shutdown happened, so we didn’t have money for models, so she oped to bring in various animals for us to draw instead.  there was the usual cats and dogs, but also chickens, horses, a farm hog, a 12-foot Burmese Python and a baby deer that had been abandoned on her porch.  It was really fun, both becuase animals are amazing, and becuase they don’t hold still, so you learn to draw REAL FAST, which is a skill that’s served me well since.

A few years later, I was summoned for Jury Duty, and had to show up at the courthouse for selection.  HOWEVER, I’d put my usual bag in the wash the previous night, so I grabbed my old school backpack to take with me because I knew I had a sketchbook in there to amuse myself with.

I forgot I also had my flamethrower in there.

I live in a pretty low-crime area, so the metal detectors are actually pretty far into the building- you don’t get scanned until you’re actually going into the courtroom.  So for about three hours beforehand, I was sitting in the hallway having a Nice Chat with one of the state park rangers and the CEO of the local call center.  We get called in, and as we walk through, my backpack sets off the alarm.

“Fuck.” I say abruptly remembering what would have set it off.

“Do you have anything metal in your backpack?” the security guy asks me.  I think he was expecting me to say glasses.

“I forgot that I have my flamethrower in here. I’ll just leave this outside.”  I explain, hoping I’m not about to be arrested.

“Please open your bag or leave it outs- your WHAT?”  Dude stops halfway through his routine.

“Flamethrower.  I made it in art class and will definitely be leaving it here.” I say, carefully putting my bag on the table, zipper open , and pointing at the small butane torch.  The guard looks at it, looks at me (pls note, I am small, white, feminine and conventionally attractive so YOU BET privilege was happening here), before deciding that Art People Are Dumb and waving me in after wanding me to make sure I hadn’t accidentally brought anything else in my pockets.

I was not selected for jury duty.

In other news, I still have it, and it still works.  I use it for mass-toasting creme brulee.

Once Upon a Time

Bucky x Reader Oneshot

Summary – You and Bucky bond over a shared love for fairy tale endings.

Warnings – Pure fluff…be warned…it could rot your teeth out!

Word Count – 2,381

Notes – This is a birthday fic to the beautifully sweet Mariana @buckysberrie.  Happy Birthday my dear!!  If any of you have ever read one of her fic reviews, you’ll know how much she loves her inner dialogue.  I’ve written her a Bucky fic in this style before and it turned out really cute!  I hope this one is just as adorable.  For those of you who watch OUAT, I didn’t start with this season…you’ll see why when you read it!   As always, feel free to leave me any comments or feedback!

Masterlist

Originally posted by myreblogpage0


Words in italics are the Reader’s internal dialogue

When the Quinjet touched down on the roof of the Avengers Compound in Upstate New York, all you could think about was a hot shower, something to eat, and a Netflix binge of your newest favorite TV show.  You and Wanda had been undercover for the past month and you had just made it the end of Season One of Once Upon a Time.  You were desperate to get caught up so you could watch the newest season live this fall.

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Hawaii part 2

Warning: Language and Smut Like A lottttt of smut haha

————–

After three hours Harry finally returned back to the hotel room.

“Sorry babe, I had to confirm some things for tour, didn’t think it would take so long.” Harry said said stripping down to his boxers. With a grin he made his way over right beside me on the bed.

“Now where were we?” He asked nibbling at my neck.

It took everything within me not to react. If my plan was going to work, then I had to act uninterested. So I just sat there watching the TV.

“Was’ the matter with you?” He says nudging my cheek with his nose.

“Jus’ not in the mood.” I say grabbing my phone off the bedside table. I need something to distract me.

“But you were in the mood earlier.” Harry says leaning up to look me in the eyes.

“Yeah, three hours ago.” I say turning my attention back to my phone.

That was several hours ago and Harry hasn’t stopped trying since.

When we were at the beach he said,

“Wouldn’ it be nice to have sex on the beach?” But I kept my nose in my book and ignored the comment.

As the day wears on I can tell he’s getting more and more sexually frustrated. So many times I about gave in because how can you not? But I’ve held up.

We’re sitting at dinner and he can’t keep his eyes off me.

“My eyes are up here babe.” I say with a light chuckle before I take a sip of my water.

His eyes are wild and his leg has been bouncing up and down.

“Look, I’m fuckin’ sorry okay? But your drivin me mad. Especially when you wear stuff like that.” He says darkly, eyes darting to my low cut dress and then back up to my eyes.

I swallow the lump that formed in my throat. Stay cool Y/N. Tonight your in charge.

I regain my composure and confidence. A smirk forms on my face as I twirl my straw around in my cup. Suddenly I stand up and move my chair right next to him. Harry’s eyes go wide for a split second before he takes a deep breath.

I cross my right leg over my left and lean in towards him. My hand goes to the back of his head and lightly twirl his hair between my fingers. His eyes fall shut and his breath quickens.

Thank God this is a private dinner. I lean in so close my lips are almost touching his ear.

“Tonight I’m in charge. I’m gonna get up and go to our room. Meet me their in 10 minutes, no sooner, no later. Now don’t say anything just nod your head.”

Harry looked at me with bewildered eyes. I knew he’d be shocked since he’s always been the one in charge. I’m surprised at myself.

I raise my eyebrows in a questioning way. After a few seconds Harry snapped out of his daze and quickly shook his head yes.

A smile grew on my lips. With that I left and walked to our room.

I walked as fast I my legs could take me. Smiling at the people I past hoping no one would want to stop and talk. Thankfully no one did. When I finally got to the room I looked and realized I only had 5 minutes before Harry left the restaurant. I ran to my suit case and took out a matching black lingerie set. It was simple yet sexy. I’ve had all day to think about this moment, and now that it’s here I can barely contain myself.

I look in the mirror and make sure everything looks good. Once I’m satisfied with my appearance I sit on the edge of the bed waiting for Harry to get here. Not even 30 seconds after I sat down, I hear the door unlock and foot steps head towards me.

In walks a flustered grinning Harry. He looks so sexy with his hair all disheveled and his white button up that’s not really buttoned at all. It takes everything within me not to pounce on him.

“Someones been making dadd-” Harry starts to say but I stand up and interrupt him by putting my finger up to his lips.

“No Harry, I’m in charge tonight. The rules are simple. Only speak if I ask a question or tell you to. Do as I say. Only I can touch you and you can only touch me if you tell you. Understood?” I say pulling Harry close to my body to where are faces are almost touching.

I can hear his breath quicken.

“Yes.” He says sounding out of breath.

“So daddy thinks leaving me all hot and bothered for hours is okay? Hmm? Have me lying on the bed soaking for you and you’d rather talk on the phone? Tsk tsk.” I say ask I unbuttoning his shirt and slide it off his shoulders. My fingers trace over his chest. I bring my mouth down to his right nipple and lightly lick. He lets out a soft moan.

I walk around behind him and light scratch my nails up and down his back softly before leaving wet open mouthed kisses to his shoulder blades.

“You think you can just have me when ever you want. But not tonight.” I say turning him around to face me. My hands fall down to his belt and I quickly unbuckle it, sliding his jeans down so he could step out of them.

He’s wearing my favorite boxers. Red Calvin Klein’s. I quickly bit my lip at not only the sight of the boxers but his already fully erect man hood. He probably thinks I’m just gonna get on my knees and give him head like usual, but not this time.

I walk over to the dresser and pull out three scarfs. Harry has a confused look on his face.

“Lye on your back in the middle of the bed.” I say running the fabric through my hands. Harry wastes no time and is there in seconds. I smile at my eager baby.

I walk over to the bed and place the scarfs on the bedside table. I straddle Harry’s stomach careful not to touch his manhood yet. I lean down and kiss him on the lips. His tongue immediately slips in my mouth and I allow it. Suddenly his hands fly up to my waste and tries to push me towards his waste. I quickly sit up and push his hand down.

“Harry, no touching. If you touch me again without permission I’ll have to punish you more than I already am going to.”

He lets out a sigh but shakes his head in agreement.

I reach over and grab a scarf from the table. Lightly I drag the end across his chest and nipples. He bites his lip trying not to say anything.

“Put your hands above your head baby.” I say.

Quickly he complies knowing exactly what I have in mind. I take both wrists and tie them securely to the head board. Tugging a few times to make sure they were tight enough to hold him but not too tight to hurt.

I started kissing down his body, nibbling and sucking at random spots along the way. Harry’s heavy breathing and soft moans were making my panties soak. I kissed and love on his slightly pudgy hips probably leaving a few love bites.

I slowly pull down his boxers and his member immediately springs up hitting his stomach. Harry throws his head back onto the pillow panting hard. He’s never been one who could take a lot of foreplay. Harry’s a very sensitive boy.

I kiss my way back up his body making him give out a frustrated sigh.

“Speak Harry.” I say quietly next to his ear.

“I’m so fuckin’ hard I’m throbbing baby. Bloody hell please do something. Anything.” He says in a desperate shaky voice.

“Aw my babies being such a good boy for me. But I’m not sure you’vd learned your lesson yet.” I say kissing right next to his manhood causing him to twitch.

“Fuck fuck fuck, Y/N I swear I learned my lesson, I won’t do it again I’m sorry please I’m begging here.” He says pulling at his wrists trying to get free.

I reach across his body and grab the two other scarfs. Getting up from the bed I spread his legs apart and tie both of them to the two bedposts.

“Please it hurts Y/N.” Harry half cries out.

I straddle him again but hover my crotch above his. I lean down close to his ear again.

“Don’t worry baby I’ll make you feel so good you’ll be begging me to stop.” I mumble and bite his ear lobe. He lets out a moan and throws his hips up trying to get any kind of release. But I’m to fast and move my hips up just in time. Harry lets out a desperate cry. My panties are completely soaked so I decide to give in.

I make my way down his body and hover right over his manhood. I look up and Harry is intensely watching me with his bottom lip between his teeth.

Without breaking eye contact I lick from the base of his cock to the tip. He lets out a throaty groan and lets his head drop back. I take my hand and wrap it around him picking him up. Quickly I stick my mouth on the tip and start bobbing up and down taking as much as I can in my mouth. Harry’s a moaning mess.

“Atta girl. Mmm feels so fuckin good lil one. Don’t quit.” He says between moans. I just quicken my pace. My free hand goes down to his balls lightly massaging them. That makes him go crazy.

“Ohh I’m almost there don’t stop I’m so close.” He said after a few moments.

Not even 10 seconds later I felt him twitch inside my mouth. Cum was coming out like crazy but I swallowed and kept going. Even when he stopped cumming I kept going.

“Y/N I’m too sensitive baby.” He croaked out. But I kept going. I pulled my mouth off but my hand took its place.

“Come on baby give me one more. You can do it.” I said between kisses on his thigh. Harry’s whole body was twitching and shaking.

“Im Im so-” He said but stopped and threw his head back onto the pillow.

“Come on love your almost there. Give it to me. Cum all over me Harry.” I said and then began sucking on his tip.

When I felt his cock twitch I pulled my mouth back but kept my hand pumping him.

He let out a loud yelling that I’m sure the neighbors heard. Cum shot everywhere. All the ways up to his chest and stomach. I pulled my hand away and smiled at the sweaty boy above me.

“That’s my boy.” I said kissing his thighs and made my way up his stomach and chest licking up the cum.

When I got up to Harry’s face, his eyes were closed and he was still breathing kinda heavy. I lovingly kissed his cheeks, forehead, nose, everywhere. Finally he opened his eyes and gave me a lazy grin.

“That was amazing.” He said with droopy eyes.

“Well I’m glad you liked it, but I still need to get off.” I say with a smirk.

“Baby I don’t think I’ll be getting hard any time soon.” He said looking genuinely sorry.

“Don’t worry I have another Idea.” I say with a smirk and I quickly untie him.

“Sit up against the headboard for me baby.” I say still smirking.

He looks slightly confused but does as I say.

When I take off my bra and underwear and straddle his right thigh, he immediately knows what I have on mind and smiles.

——————————————–

Hey guys here’s part 2!! Hope you enjoyed! I’m not sure I’ll do a part 3 but if y’all want it, just let me know!! Also I take requests! OR if you just wanna talk about Harry, message me!!

Yuzuru Hanyu’s Interview from Ice Jewels vol. 6

“I think the best thing about this season is that I was able to persevere until the end.”

Please do not use my translations without my permission. Scans can be found here.


Reflecting on this season

Q: Reflecting back on this season, what kind of season did you think it was?

Y: Let’s see… It was a season that started with injury, and I couldn’t do anything for two months. I competed many times, and World Team Trophy - the last competition of the season - didn’t go well, but I think I was able to complete the free skate in the end. Even after everything, I do feel that I did my best.

Q: Regarding the short program, are there any parts that you want to perfect?

Y: There are. This applies last year’s Ballade no. 1 as well, but when I’m not able to skate a clean program, the “image of perfection” just doesn’t appear in competitions even though I’m doing it in practice.

Keep reading

2

“I met Chloe on March 25th, 2017. It was at the HVFF in Chicago. I arrived three days before the event to have some time to explore the city on my own. When the day came I was a complete mess. I flew almost 3000 just to see her. Of course I was first in line that day.

She was a little bit late, which gave me plenty of time to get more nervous. We were expecting her to come through the black curtains. I was just talking with the staff guys (they were so nice to me) when they saw her coming behind us.

I really can’t describe how it felt to see her. She walked right pass me and suddenly I didn’t want to go first. She came with her manager and sat down and I still wouldn’t move. She was like waiting and I didn’t move. She finally told me to come over. I literally had a speech planned and all the things that I wanted to say. I brought some presents, but when I was in front of her I went totally blank.

I think I forgot my English in that moment. I managed to say some words. I introduced myself and said that I had come from Colombia and she was really surprised that I had done that. It’s true that when you’re with her she’s hyper focused on you. She grabs your hand and she looks at you, and only you and pays attention to every single thing that you say and when you’re an incoherent mess (like I was) she starts complimenting you. She grabbed my hair and said that she loved it, because she missed her long hair so much. She said that she loved my shirt (I was wearing the fight like a girl sweater) She always tries to keep the conversation flowing. One thing that struck me is that she seems to be very aware of the kind of person that is in front of her? I mean, I noticed that a few people only approached her booth to see if she was taking pictures. She had a no photos rule. I think with that she makes sure that people go there to have a special moment, not just to take selfies with some celebrity.

I think she knows how to read that love and reciprocate it when she sees that people are being honest with her. So many of us went up there so excited only to say hello, to spend some time with her. She tries to make that small moment special. I told her I had totally forgotten my English in that moment and she said that Natalia would love me, and mentioned the episode were they recruited Yoyo in Bogotá. I was mostly trying to get out all the things that I wanted to tell her, I was so nervous, but she never stopped holding my hand. She would hug me and she would thank for every nice thing that I had to say.

I forgot that I had to get her autograph so she asked if I had something for her to sign. I remembered the Daisy pop and the gifts and I got the box out of my backpack. She asked which color I wanted for the autograph and she started writing my name while I tried to find the gifts, and I couldn’t find them! I was taking so long and getting even more nervous so she got curious and started looking inside my bag. She found another pop and asked who that was. It was a gift for a friend. She had like her face in my bag and I was so clumsy trying to get the candy out of the bag. (I gave her candy from Colombia) I explained some things about it and she said that she loves treats and candy and everything sweet in general… yeah. No surprise there.

I think she was smiling at how clumsy I was the whole time. As I said, I think she really appreciates when people cares about her. I told her that I was going to come back and also see her at the photo ops and then she offered another hug and then went around the table to hug me…and she just hugs you like she means it. I mean, I know that I’m just another fan but I think she has a very special love for us and she shows it every second. In that moment she makes sure to make you feel special. She kept smiling and grabbed my hand again. I was shaking. I forgot half of the gifts, but I was incredibly happy.

Then it was the first photo op. I was like third in line. When I went in she hugged me again, called me by my name, and I was a bit more confident at that point. The photo ops are super fast and Chloe asked if I wanted a hug. I really never asked for anything because I didn’t know the rules for these things but she was always warm and nice. I mean, she doesn’t have to be like that and I think it can be exhausting for her but again, I think she tries to reciprocate the love that we show her in those brief seconds or minutes.

I got my picture and then I felt like I didn’t want to go… so I just waited until she was back in her booth and went to get the picture signed. I gave her a little bracelet and she let me put it on her wrist. I babbled some more about how much Daisy and her mean in my life. I thanked her. She hugged me again. I really lost the count on the hugs hahaha. I asked about her kids and she told me they were back at home. I said that I would see her the next day and then said goodbye.

On Sunday things were even better. I actually felt like I could talk to her like a normal person hahaha. I went back to her booth, of course (I really just spent my time there) Then I was first in line again. That day Chloe arrived around 11. When she came I started feeling a bit weird, I didn’t know if it was okay to go in so many times… but I really went to Chicago for her, so I had to make the most of it.

She sat down and said hello. I was wearing overalls and she said that she loved them. I told her that I knew, that I always wanted to try but she gave me the confidence to start buying them. She hugged me again and asked if I was going to the panel. I said of course. I told her that I had another photo op with her and she told me that she would see me there.

I kinda started feeling the withdrawals at that point… so I just lurked around her booth for the rest of the morning until it was time for the photo op (it was a duo op with Brett) that day things were a lot more organized. I was one of the last ones in line. For that photo I had a pose in mind.

It was as fast as the other one. I think when it was my turn I went straight for Chloe and forgot that Brett was there for a second haha so I quickly turned to say hi to him but never let go off Chloe hahaha. The photographer would always get annoyed… and even more when I tried to explain the pose to Chloe and Brett but they just wouldn’t get it. It was funny because they got it wrong in the exact same way the first time. Chloe kept asking and trying to show me if she was getting it, and the next thing I know her leg is like around me, and then Brett got it and I started laughing and almost ruined the photo… I’m still not totally happy with my face, but at least we had a good time for those… 30 seconds hahaha. I said thank you and apologized. Chloe said that we almost didn’t get it… and then I started to feel like I didn’t want to say goodbye. I hugged her and then left because I took too long and the ops guys hated me already. On my way out I was like… shit Brett! And then hugged Brett. I think they both were laughing the whole time about my clumsiness. So that was a bit of a mess but a good kind of mess.

But then I picked my photo… I didn’t turn out that bad, and I realized that I had to do something else. I mean, I was already there. So I ran back to the table and got the last ticket for the next op. I ended back in line. The last person for the Chloe solo op. I’m so glad I went back. When I entered again I asked if she was getting tired of me. She received me with open arms and said that she never would. She peeked outside and when she realized that I was the last person she told me “best for last!” and grabbed my hand to take me to the center of the booth. She asked if I had anything in mind so I just told her to make faces. When they took the pic she quickly told me that she would say that she messed up, and then told the photographer that she had messed up and to take another one. So they took another picture, and I made the same face like the idiot I am. The thing is… every time she would do something nice my brain would stop working so I had nothing in that moment. I kinda wanted to cry.

So that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t know if that was going to be my last personal moment with her so I started thanking her for everything, again. I told her that I was glad I took the very irresponsible decision to fly to Chicago in the last minute. She thanked me for doing it and yes… more hugs. I got some time while the next celeb took Chloe’s place in the booth so I told her that I wanted to say goodbye and she told me to go to her autograph table again. I told her that she was my hero. I felt like a guy was about to take me out so I gave her one last hug and left.

Next it was the panel. You all know how that went. It was hilarious. I was really close to them but then went back to be closer to the mic line. I did get to ask a question about Daisy. At that point we didn’t know if the show was going to be renewed and I also started thinking that maybe this was going to be the only time that I got to see her. I was happy with the things I told her. I was happy to see with my own eyes how nice and honest in the way she interacts with people that she is, but it was heartbreaking to think that only had like a few minutes more to see her.

So yes. I went back one last time to the autograph table… Actually I waited for HOURS to be the last one to go. Since I had become such good friends with the staff they just let me be there. At the end I got to hang on the table where they had the pile of photos for Chloe to sign, right next to her table. That’s when the funniest thing happened. I see a huge, Asian guy come out from the back, He came to the table where I was and started looking through the photos. So I went like…”Mr Bennet?” He said yes with a smile. I introduced myself and told him my name and when he heard it (and probably my accent) he said that I was the girl that came from Colombia, that Chloe had told him about me. I died in that moment… for the tenth time in two days. It was almost my turn so I just told him that he had the most amazing daughter in the world. That she’s important for so many people and women, that she was amazing and for me it was worth it to take such a trip just to tell her that. He went full proud dad mode in that second and told me that she really was, and just the way she was here with her fans she was at home. He told me that she really appreciated me being there, and all the people that support her. He thanked me and said that she probably would have something special to say to me.

I went back. I really don’t know what was going through her manager’s head at that point, but Chloe looked happy. I went like: “I just met your dad” She was like oh no, what did he say? He’s talking to the fans now? I just told her that we just agreed that she’s the best. She took one of the other pictures that I was carrying to sign it while we spoke. I thanked her for everything she did. I told her that it meant a lot. I really don’t remember how we got to her birthday, but I wished her a happy birthday and told her that mine was coming up too. She wished me a happy birthday. I was trying really hard not to cry in front of her, but I told her that I really meant all the things that I had told her, and that it might seem like just a tv show, or a fictional character… but it really makes a difference in the lives of so many people. She knows, she works her ass off to brig Daisy to us and she loves every second of it. She thanked me and hugged me and she wouldn’t let go off my hand while I told her.

Then she eyed my iphone on the table. She asked if I wanted a selfie. I turned to check if there were people in line and actually some people arrived after me so I just looked back at her, but she was grabbing my phone and she told the others that it was because my photo op came out wrong. She told me that I had come all the way here, that I should get one. I just nodded and she was already going though my phone and opening the camera app. She took a pic, and then I said that my hair was terrible, so she just took another one. She didn’t look like uncomfortable or like she had to do it. She really wanted to make that moment special. I think she wants that for all her fans and I think that it’s important not to pressure her to sign things and take pictures on do things. She’s a person just like us, she could be tired or having a bad day, but she’ll offer something special to make you happy if she can. She wouldn’t stop thanking me and I told her that I was happy that I got to see her one last time. Then I saw her manager check her watch and I think I said it out loud because Chloe laughed. She got out of the table again to hug me and that’s when I broke. I told her that I didn’t know if I would get to see her again, but that she had made everything so special that I would always treasure these days. She told me that we would see each other again and I told her that we didn’t even know what was going to happen with AoS and that I just needed Daisy in my life. I told her that it would kill me (Don’t judge me. I was a mess in that moment) she was like noo! Don’t die! Hahaha She said that she was going to do new things.

In the end she just hugged me and thanked me for coming. I waited until she left and waved her goodbye. I actually didn’t cry when she left hahah I think maybe I’ll get to see her again. Now I know that going there was totally worth it and I would definitely do it again.”

'S Your Name, Isn't It?

Word Count: 2,977

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“Can you blokes slow down? My legs are littler than yours!” Y/N called after the four rowdy boys. “You speed up, Mini Moony! We’re gonna miss the train!” Sirius yelled back to her, not slowing down in the slightest. A few sprints later, the five teenagers made it to the train, quickly shuffling into a cart just as it began to move. “Padfoot, if you ever wait until the last minute to pack again, I will personally make sure that the rest of your life is miserable,” Y/N threatened, trying to catch her breath. “We made it, didn’t we?” He smirked, earning a glare from Y/N. “Take It easy, Little Lupin. We got here before it left, and we’re heading heading home for the summer,” James smiled. Y/N grumbled a “whatever” in response and rested her head on her brother’s shoulder. 

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anonymous asked:

"You HAVE to give it to me for what the sticker says!" Bitch nah, you picked up a $29.99 item that was randomly put on a shelf by another idiot customer and you thought "Oh hey, this big item that's on display on the other side of the store totally goes with the $2 hairbrushes hanging around and behind it." If you want it, you give me 30 bucks or you leave. The word 'Food Processor' doesn't look like 'Hairbrush' it's right there on that sticker you're so obsessed about gtfo

I literally took out a pricing gun (back when we still used them.) and put $59.99 on a gallon of milk because they picked it up from the half gallon space and “you have to give it to me for the price marked. It’s the law” first off no it’s not a law. There is a law about deceptive price tactics which this is not as it clearly said half gallon on the sign. And second now if I use your logic you now have to pay me $60 because that’s “the law”.

Most stores will honor the incorrect price if we actually mis-labeled it as a customer service to keep people happy. But no dear fuckstick we are not required to give it to you even if I put a sticker of .99¢ on a 60" television. Use your brain people.

-Rodney

saywhatjessie  asked:

Misha, if GISHWES didn't stand for the "Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World has Ever Seen", what ELSE could it stand for?

Gosh I Sure Hope We Have Everyone Sign (up for GISHWHES)

I don’t think I thought that one all the way through. We’ll stick with the original for now. 

(ask me questions you wanted misha to answer and i’ll answer as misha)

Here’s a short scene from “Starcrushed” that took me a ridiculous amount of time to storyboard. It’s always tough when you spend so much time on something and then get it in the animatic and it only amounts to about 30 seconds of footage. Hopefully it was worth the effort…

After rewatching GotG2 again yesterday, there are two things I’m having epic quantities of feels about at the moment:

  • Peter’s baffled little “… what?” after Yondu gives him the whole He-wasn’t-your-daddy speech and slaps the space suit on him. That is the face of a man whose entire life just rearranged itself around him (and not for the first time in the last day or two). 30 seconds ago he was in a headspace where he was fully prepared to just stand there on an exploding planet and die. Poor Peter. Talk about mood whiplash.
  • THE ARROW IN THE FIREWORKS SCENE IS YONDU’S ASHES. At first I thought it was part of the fireworks, intentionally arrow-shaped as a tribute to him from his old buddies; it took me awhile to grasp that it was the glittery trail of his ashes. And the thing is, there have been a number of fics that have dealt with Yondu keeping an eye on things after his death (“things” = Peter, usually), but I feel like this is about as close as the movie can come to making it actual canon without literally having his Force-ghost show up. Because glittery trails of ashes don’t just shape themselves into an arrow naturally.
He Goes by the Name H. One [part 3]

Author: b0blegum

Pairing: DJ!Chae Hyungwon x Reader

Rating: 19+ (Kinda. Read at your own risk)(rape trigger)

Genre: Romance

Status: FINISHED

Part: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - end


Hyungwon’s POV

The DJ was playing ‘Matches’ and remixed it into his own liking. Making people dancing to the beat. The room was crowded, people had to shout a bit when they were talking or flirting or even just to say a simple hi.

I Was standing here. Leaning on the bar counter with one hand rested on it while the other holding up my glass of Whiskey. Ice cubes clinking onto the side as i swirled up the glass.

And she was there. Sitting on the couch, feeling uncomfortable judging by how her eyes wandered around the room. I kept watching her through the sidelines of people who were busily dancing, before i decided to came over to her.

“You’re alone?” I asked her as i sat next to her. She looked really pretty upclose and she’s really my type of girl…

…to fuck with.

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Sorry it’s long. TL;DR at the bottom.

I work the breakfast buffet at a hotel. My job is to refill the buffet, clean the tables when the clients are done, and put out new plates and stuff for the next clients. Normally it’s awesome. The hotel is 4 stars in a pretty sleepy french town, so we normally get businessmen who just want to eat their toast in silence before catching a flight. But this weekend I had the woman from hell.
Our dining room holds about 23 people. This weekend we had a group of about 50 Spanish people. Their director was an absolute nightmare. We open breakfast at 8am. She demanded it was open at 4 so they could get their day going. We compromised (because I straight up refused to be there at 4 in the morning) and opened at 6. So already we were changing our policy to cater to her.
Now normally we get lots of different nationalities. Which is great cuz I don’t have 23 people who all want the same thing. But since they’re all Spanish, all the same age (old), and all from the same town, they ALL wanted the same thing. So I was cutting fruit, refilling the juice, and refilling the bread like a madman. And I’m good at my job so I was doing just fine.
But the director wasn’t happy. The minute I would come out of the kitchen, she would walk up to me and say “meat.” To say there’s no more ham. I know this woman speaks french AND English. So she could have easily said “hey there’s no more ham, can you refill this?” In 2 different languages that she knows I speak. But no. She just says. “Meat.” So I grab the meat tray and head to the kitchen to refill it. Because it’s a nice hotel, I can’t just slap the meat on the tray. I gotta make it all pretty and shit, which takes about 5 minutes. I’m in the kitchen for not 30 seconds before she’s knocking on the door. So I open the door and she just says “meat. Now.” Like madame. Plz. I explained to her that it would take 5 minutes..and she didn’t say anything. Just stood there looking at me. So I slowly let the door just kind of..shut..and went back to the meat. She did this 6 times. So something that would have taken 5 minutes took like 10 because she couldn’t wait.
Then when I came out with the meat (and later the cheese and the juice and all the other stuff) so just said “dishes.” To say I needed to clean the dirty dishes off the tables to make room for the next wave of the group. So I went to clean the tables. The second I started, she would say “bread.” So I grabbed all the dirty dishes I could and went back to the kitchen, while she just kept screaming bread at my back. So when I came back out with more bread she just did this huge exasperated sigh and said “um hello? Tables?????” I ended up taking her into the kitchen with me and said “look. How many people do you see in here? Just me. I will get everything done, but you cannot expect me to do it all in the span of 30 seconds. Please just be patient.”
She ended up going to my boss and told some massive lie that I said she was a bitch and that I threw juice in her face and screamed “if you want juice so bad then here!” I mean I wanted to do that I didn’t! Luckily my boss knows I’m not that confrontational, so he said just try to “go faster.”
This lady spent the entire weekend at the hotel, and every single day was like that and I was ready to just spit in her food by the end of it.

TL;DR I’m in charge of breakfast at a hotel and some Spanish lady spent the past 3 mornings barking at me to do something, then when I would do it she would yell at me that I’m not doing something else.

10

My third year attending the UKS panel at Upright Citizen’s Brigade on Thursday was so unfudging believable that when I woke up this morning, at first I thought it had been a dream. If you don’t think these writers and cast actually care, you’d be wrong.

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an incomplete list of really annoying adhd symptoms

- Losing your phone and/or keys at least once a day, usually multiple times. (Especially my phone. If my phone is not in my hand I probably have no idea where it is.)  

- Looking like an asshole 24/7 even though you’re actually a really considerate person at heart because you constantly forget to reply to texts and messages, RSVP to events, tip waiters, etc. It took me about two weeks to realize I hadn’t yet donated to my friend’s Kickstarter. 

- Driving is just. You know. Fun. 

- Completely forgetting what you were going to say in the middle of probably 30% of your sentences. 

- Constantly burning food, leaving detergent on too long, etc. because you step out of the room for two seconds and end up distracted by something else.

- Fighting back tears when you need to clean a space but there are too many Items and u need to move them all and sort them out….somehow…kill me

- Needing clean, clear spaces in your home in order to think straight, but everything is constantly a mess because executive dysfunction. 

- That persistent feeling, even when you’re calm and feeling mostly fine, that you’ve probably forgotten something of dire importance and your life is about to come crashing down around you. 

- Getting super flustered when someone gives you instructions to follow that aren’t written down. 

- Being actually really fucking smart but having nothing to show for it because you struggle to follow instructions, remember key components of simple tasks, and you get confused by half of what people say to you.

- Being really hardworking and taking your work really seriously but getting no credit for it because you can’t perform half as well as employees who care half as much.

- Not understanding jokes. Not understanding jokes. Not understanding jokes.  N o t  u n d e r s t a n d i n g  j o k e s   

- Thought of a good song lyric, melody, or description? You better write that shit down NOW because it’s gonna be gone in 20 seconds. 

- Not knowing how to respond to various things people say so you just end up saying the most accidentally rude or awkward thing you possibly could. 

- Literally not even being able to focus on things that you love to do. Having to structure time to do things that are fulfilling to you. *bangs head against wall repeatedly*

- Checking and re-checking any work you do because who the hell knows what glaringly obvious idiotic mistake you might have made.

- Realizing that absolutely everything you know how to do halfway competently is a combination of Google and winging it because your brain just does not process information the way it’s normally presented and “common sense” is not a thing with you. 

- Having to set an unsettling amount of alarms on your phone if you actually want to remember the things you need to do. 

- Pretty much never making any recipe that involves more than 4 ingredients because anything past that gets overwhelming. 

- Making to-do lists and forgetting you made them. 

Glitch In The Matrix Stories #23

I Had A Month Or Two Where Weird Things Kept Happening To Me

For about a month or two, inexplicable things kept happening to me. It was like I had a guardian angel who was helping me with small, trivial inconveniences. Here are 3 things that occurred that really stood out:

First: In band camp, we stayed in dorms that had our own bedrooms. The doors of these bedrooms locked automatically when you left the room, so it was important that you had your key with you at all times. I specifically know that my door was always locked after I would exit the door and close it, because often I would forget something in my room and turn around and (forgetting that it was locked) try to open it and be unable to. 

One day I was running late to one of the practices. I left my room and closed the door and realized I left the key to the room on my bed. Shit, I was locked out. Or so I thought. I then tried to open the door anyway, and for some odd reason, it did open. Not sure how the door managed to malfunction just when I needed it to. I then grabbed the key and closed the door again, tried to open it, and it was locked like it should be.

Second: One night, I had a bunch of acne creams on my face and had nothing to hold my hair back as I slept. I did not want stray hairs around my face to get in the acne medication, but I did not want to use a head band to keep my hair back because then there would be a crease in my hair when I woke up. I remember thinking that bobby pins would do the trick. I often needed bobby pins and looked for them a lot, but could never find a single one because I hadn’t bought any in a year or two. 

That night I decided to look around my room to see if I could find any anyway. I opened my drawer in my vanity and I found 10 bright yellow bobby pins. Immediately I was weirded out because I had no idea where they came from. It was a drawer I used a lot, and I had never seen them in there before. Also, who owns bright YELLOW bobby pins? Blonde makes sense, but these were yellow. I then put them all in my hair and went to sleep. 

The next morning I took them out and put them on a tray on my vanity so I could use them the next night. That night when I returned to my room and reached for them, they were gone. I haven’t seen them since.

Third: My best friend and I like to paint walls. I was at his house one day and we were sitting on the ground with open cans of paint all around us, planning our mural for the day. At one point he took a small paint brush, dipped it into a can or grey paint, and then realizing he did not need it, tossed it into a paint tray on the ground. The paint brush ended up going a little too far, and skipped the tray and landed on my jeans. It actually landed on my jeans twice, so there was a stain of wet paint on both legs of my jeans. 

I pretended to yell at my friend because they were my only pair of jeans, though I didn’t really care much. We talked about it for a minute or two and then moved on. About 15 minutes later I looked back down at my jeans. There was absolutely no paint anywhere. Not a single trace. Not even a faint stain on either leg.

Credits to: prepperproni

I Had An Unexplained “Result” With An Electronics Experiment In 1997

I’m currently graduating with an electronics-related degree, with a lot of knowledge in electronic circuits and how electronic components work. However one experiment I did almost two decades ago still eludes me to this day.

When I was a lot younger and had a lot more free time, I used to build electric model cars. They aren’t the fancy remote control ones, just basic motors and batteries to make them move forwards or in circles. Electric motors can only spin when both wires are connected properly to a power source, since a complete circuit with proper connections are required for any electronic component to work.

Well, one November in 1997, I was trying to win an electric car drag race with a few friends. I decided to use four motors in parallel. My idea was to put one motor on each wheel.

To try if a single D-cell can power four tape deck motors, I connected four motors together and then connected my D-cell battery. The four motors, placed close to each other, started spinning up and reaching maximum speed with no issue.

Totally normal. Or so I thought.

I clearly observed Motor #3 spinning at top speed with one of it’s bright yellow wires clearly disconnected. This is impossible, Motor #3 should be stopped. But it’s clearly spinning at top speed.

In shock, and in awe, I just had to get my giant Sony Handicam to record this phenomenon. After digging for 5 minutes for a blank 8mm Cassette, I attempted to reproduce the condition fruitlessly for three hours. Motor #3 behaved normally and would not spin up with the same conditions as before (one wire disconnected). Unfortunately, I gave up on attempting to reproduce and just went ahead as normal.

To this day I have no explanation of how one motor was able to operate in an open circuit. One of my theories was I had the four motors clustered together, and somehow the changing magnetic fields of Motors 1, 2 and 4 were able to somehow induce an electric current to the Rotor of Motor #3. However I must have tried millions of positions, moving and positioning each motor in specific places. None of it worked.

To this day I was unable to reproduce the “Wireless Motor Effect” (as I called it in my notes) of November 1997. I think I just encountered a momentary glitch with the matrix.

Credits to: HyperionTypeX2B

Was I In Two Places At Once Or Just Dreaming?

Full disclaimer: This happened after I had been awake for over 20 hours, and previously only sleeping about 3 hours. I am definitely not a reliable narrator here, but there’s still enough of a “That was weird?” to make me wonder and share.

As I said, I was completely exhausted. It was a bit after 8PM last night, and we had just gotten the kids to bed. My wife was running to the grocery store to pick up a few things, and I trying to decide if I wanted to turn in for the night, or try to stay up a bit longer to check out the Olympics opening ceremony. I was debating this while lying on the bed, which of course means I fell asleep.

A bit later, I woke to some commotion downstairs I went down to the kitchen to find my wife putting groceries away. She asked if I was going to bed, and slightly perturbed, I replied with something to the effect of I was sleeping but her being so loud putting groceries away woke me back up, so I might as well stay up at that point. She was confused and asked what I meant - I was coming down the steps to the living room as she came back in the front door from the grocery store, and even asked if she needed any help putting the groceries away.

Credits to: jmritenour

Mattress

Approximately 3 years ago I was walking to bed one night and it was pretty late and pitch black in the house. I get to my opened bedroom door and try to get in (I was going to bed). I say that I was trying to get in, because something rather large was blocking the doorway. The way it was blocking it was from inside the door frame- which means if someone did put it there, they’d be in the room as well because it would have been impossible to get out of the room with it in the door frame. 

Immediately I thought it was a mattress from the bed, because it had the right feel to it and the right size, just about. I kept pushing against it, to no avail. It wouldn’t budge. My daughter was asleep in her room, my boyfriend was in the living room. I ran back to the living room scared to death freaking out. The way my house is was living room, kitchen, hallway a bedroom on the right (my daughter’s) our bedroom at the end of the hallway. The bathroom was next to my daughters room in between her room and ours. So it’s a straight shot and nobody can walk down the hallway without making noise (very creaky floor) and I was just sitting on the couch trying to calm myself down. This took about 30 seconds and there were no sounds of anyone walking in the hall. 

I walked into the hallway and turned on the hall light this time. I could see nothing blocking the doorway of the room. I went in and the bed was still made, not messed up like it’d be if someone did that as a gag and 30 seconds is not long enough to put a mattress back and make a bed like that. Still creeps me out whenever I think about it.

Weirder yet: A week before that, I had moved the bed- guess where the mattress was put while I did that? Yes, against the door frame stood up. But it was broad daylight. Somehow I think I had a time/space overlap from a week prior to that night.

Credits to: falling_into_fate

I had one of those prank call apps phone me about a delivery for 5 pizzas to my house. It took me a good 30 seconds to work out it was fake I AM SHOOK WHO DID IT

Drabble #1 - Diary of adventures with a Kooknut Head Fuckboi

PAIRING → jungkook | reader

GENERE → fluff | comedy | suggestive

WORD COUNT → 1.5K

❝Stop sending me memes❞

❝Did you get a boner talking about aliens?!❞

It was way past midnight and you had just put your phone to charge on your nightstand when the screen lighted up. You considered ignoring whoever it was sending you a message so late but you lazily grabbed your phone out of sheer curiosity. And you immediately regretted it as a familiar name popped up on the screen. Kooknut Head. Of course, that fucking loser would bother you at an ungodly hour on a weekday when he knew you had classes the day after.

Taking the deepest sigh you open the message and immediately rolled your eyes again and grunted. A fucking meme. A pepe meme.

Stop sending me memes. It’s fucking 1.30

You threw your phone on your bed but it took it less than 30 seconds for the screen to light up again. You slowly massaged your temples debating whether or not looking at his message.

Well you are still awake

Shit Sherlock. I was about to goo to sleep

I can’t sleep. Keep me company

That sounds like a personal problem

Cooooome ooooon [insert pepe meme]

You sighed yet again. Jeon Jungkook sure was a handful. What had started moths before like a one night stand at a frat party transformed into a weird fuck buddies relationship with him sending you memes at every time of the day and late nights online games matches. You knew he was the type to sleep around but you also had no intention to get into a serious relationship - due to your overflowing daily schedule and commitment issues. It was honestly surreal how you two got along, you were kind of friends at this point -not that you hang out or anything like that, but friendly toward each other- but you also used each other when you needed some relief. You honestly had no idea if he was fucking other girls, nor you wanted to know.  Whatever this relationship that you had going on was, you were fine with it.

Kooknut Head is calling…

You jumped awake at the vibration of the phone in your hand. You couldn’t believe the nerve of this kid. Was he actually calling you? You angrily swiped your phone knowing that there was no turning back.

You little fucker

Hello to you too beautiful

Jungkook. It’s late I need to sleep. I have class early tomorrow and you know it

Come on, no one goes to the first lecture in the morning

Well, I do. And I would appreciate if you’d let me sleep

Do you believe in aliens?

What was wrong with this kid seriously? Seriously. He would come up with weird questions for you every time and his randomness just confused you. Nevertheless, you always played along curious to know where his train of thoughts would lead you.

No… yes? I don’t know. Never given much of a thought about it. As long as they are not bothering and keeping my up at 2 AM they are cool with me

So what would you do if they invade the Earth?

What kind of conversation is this? I don’t know… hide?

Oh my god please, you would be so dead. Don’t worry babe I got you, I’ll protect you.

Ha ha ha sure, you can’t even protect yourself you little muscle pig

Oh we both know there is nothing ‘little’ about me

And there he went again. Fuckboy Jungkook at his finest. You scoffed loud enough for him to hear but all you got back was an amused chuckle. You couldn’t believe how he turned a conversation about aliens -which was already fucked up to begin with- into something sexual. But then again, Jungkook could make anything sexual. You decide that the best decision was to ignore his comment.

I doubt you could do anything against aliens, almighty coconut head

Maybe, But I wouldn’t let them touch my baby girl

Your breath hitched at the stupid pet name. It was not the first time he called you like that but lately he had taken it out of the bedroom and started using it on a daily basis. You didn’t want to think too much about it but, needless to say, it made you blush every damn time.

You are weird

Am I weird or are you weirder for listening to me?

You paused for a moment and giggle to yourself. He really got you there.

I guess we are both weird

I like that.  Now open up the door baby, it’s cold outside and I don’t want to wake  your roommate up

What the fuck? Are you serious?

You got up at the speed of light and rushed to the front door. Was he really there? When you swung the door open your mouth comically dropped and your eyes widened. Jungkook was standing at your door with his hand stuffed in the pocket of his gray sweatpants, dark hair a mess and cheeks flushed because of the cold wind outside. You looked at him with your eyebrows furrowed silently asking what the hell was wrong with him. All you got back was a lazy smirk before he made his way into you tiny apartment and to your bedroom. You followed behind him closing your door.

“The hell are you doing here?!” you hissed to him

“I told you I couldn’t sleep” he replied shrugging his shoulders.

You stare right back at him suspiciously as he sat down on your bed. You didn’t trust him at all. You knew the only reason why Jeon Jungkook would come to see you would include activities with no clothes and staying up til the morning. Which wouldn’t be wise considering that you had class early. But who were you trying to fool? You both knew that this was gonna happen when you picked up his call.  

“Jungkook stop playing around I seriously need to sleep”

Your argument sounded weak to your own ears and you both knew it. Jungkook chuckled again gently tugging at your wrist to make you sit on his lap. You complied, as always, your body moving by its own whenever he was around, You hated how much weak you became in front of him. It was easy to keep him at bay over the phone but dealing with him in person was a whole other story. Jungkook had been incredibly charming from the very begging. A dorky fuckboy in his own way, a nerd with a face too sweet for his own good. And you couldn’t help but fall for his tricks every time.

When you sat on his lap he didn’t waste any time and pull you closer to his chest. You shifted resting your arms around his neck and that’s when you felt something hard poking at your thigh.

“Oh my god did you get a boner talking about aliens?”

“Nah I was thinking more about you in a sexy space costume. Tight spandex and all”

You giggle at his stupid fantasy but you soon had to stop yourself from moaning when his hot mouth made contact with your neck. He was trailing a path of warm, wet kisses up from your neck to your cheek and you felt a shiver running down your spine.

“Y-you know that space suits are actually anything but sexy right?”

“Shut up don’t ruin my fantasies”

Jungkook closed the distance between your lips effectively shutting you up. Your breath got caught in your throat as a smell of fresh toothpaste invades your mouth. His tongue immediately went to look for yours and he kept a slow languid pace as his hands squeezed your butt to keep you in place. You gently tugged at his hair letting him know it was ok. You had no idea you wanted this until he showed up. But there you were, already out of breath after barely 10 minutes.

Even if Jungkook was taking his time you felt the urge in his touch as his hands caressed up and down your sides.  His mouth left yours and he tilted his head back admiring your face. You were panting, your cheeks flushed pink. Jungkook thought you looked absolutely delicious.

“I’m gonna take you to outer space baby”

“Oh please shut the fuck up”

You rolled your eyes at his dumb comment because the kid sure knew how to ruin the mood. But your legs suddenly turned into jelly when he pulled you down to rub his crotch on your core. You bit your lip trying to stay quiet and not wake your roommate up but you had no idea for who long you could hold yourself back. The delicious friction on your center and the addictive taste of Jungkook mouth were slowly tearing every restrain you had.

One thing you were sure about though. There was no way you were going to the morning lecture.

Ridge - Roadkill to shelf

WARNING !! This post contains photos and descriptions of dead animals, skinned animals, decomposition, maggots, and the general gory details involved with cleaning up bones.

I’ve gotten a couple asks about the methods I use to clean bones, so I thought I’d put together a quick summary of the journey of my female Badger, Ridge, from road to shelf. It’s not really a tutorial, but I have almost kind of written it like one - keep in mind this is just Ridge’s personal cleanup journey, and all the steps she went through while being processed (it’s pretty similar for all my roadkill though) It’s a bit garbled and I haven’t really clarified anything… Hm. Maybe I will put together a proper tutorial in the future. For now, this is Ridge~

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