this took me 2 hours for the record

Me: 

  • My mother, me, and my cousin all have been officially diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder. 
  • My grandma, my cousin, my mom, and I are all overly logical in our thinking and take things literally. 
  • I have Special Interests (my main ones being reciting random facts, dinosaurs, and the Titanic). 
  • I used to line up my toys as a kid until I was nearly 10 and had to move all my plastic toys like a realistic single file all the way into the shower. It took at about 2 hours to get me into the bath. 
  • We have recordings of baby me at 6 months old babbling to myself non-stop. 
  • To this day I could still spend literal hours just throwing pebbles into a lake to hear the sound they make and the wave patterns on the water.
  • My mom had to teach me how to make eye contact.
  • My mom has had to teach me every social cue I know (which she, in turn, had to learn from books because she never naturally learned them either).
  • According to Dr. Grandin “Verbal-thinking autistics have difficulty visualizing things and suck at drawing, but are basically a sponge for facts.”. I literally am unable to visualize things, suck at drawing, and am known by everyone I know for spouting random facts. (Hell, the one time I got drunk I started rambling obscure facts about the history of pizza.)
  • I rock back and forth when I’m stressed.
  • I fap when I’m very excited.
  • Being in crowds for extended periods of time stresses me out.
  • I have muscular hypotonicity. (common for autistics)
  • I’m constantly chewing on something (nails, chewy necklace, my sleeves, whatever’s on hand basically)
  • I have difficulty with fine motor skills.
  • My hearing sometimes tunes out on its own.
  • I’m hyper-empathic to the point that as a baby/toddler I’d start crying if another kid started crying, even if they were total strangers.
  • I’m hypersensitive to touch. Certain textures feel like sandpaper to me though other people don’t get bothered by them (e.g. when I was a toddler I’d hang off my mom’s hand and curl my legs up rather than touch my bare feet to grass)
  • I’m constantly auditory stimming and tactile stimming.
  • Repetitive tasks soothe me.
  • I like making lists and ordering things.
  • I’m such a picky eater my mom had to teach me to like chocolate and ice cream. I didn’t start eating ice cream until I was around 12.
  • I have a routine.
  • If I break out of my routine for some reason it stresses me out. Even if it’s because I’m on holiday.
  • I’m so bad at directions I still get lost walking home from the local mall 3 blocks away from the house I’ve lived in for 16 years. (a common trait for women)
  • I get super anxious about speaking on the phone.
  • I’ve done extensive research on autism for a major final project for my class on science and medical information for my master’s in library science (a project I got a 96% on).
  • All my posts about my autistic experiences always get tons of likes and  reblogs from fellow auties who relate.

Bigots: But you don’t have an official diagnosis, so that means you’re a faker saying you’re autistic for attention. uwu

it’s like- the worst thing about this all is not even people telling me I’m annoying, it’s when they insult my editing that’s when I wanna fucking go out and hunt those fuckers. My Longest beat drop video took me 5 hours to edit and record, then a extra hour to render, an extra hour for the thumbnail

When it comes to longer videos I go through literally 6 hours of footage- which in return makes the editing time longer to about 8 hours, this time 2 hours of render and then.. well.. again another hour for the thumbnail

Why do people think editing is brainless, it’s fucking hard. You have to be constantly motivated, I don’t just put raw footage on youtube, I literally go through it all to leave the funniest stuff in. 

I’m currently working on a video that I’ve already spent 2 hours on and i’m only 5 minutes into the video because I’m adding a few more jokes than usual. 

I put effort into my content and I am fucking proud of it. 

s y n d r o m e s - pt. 11

Group : BTS

Members : All seven (Park Jimin is main, tho)

Genre : Criminal!BTS, psychology themes, fluff, angst

Words Count : 5,438

Description :  “Lima syndrome is the result of the abductor / kidnapper sympathizing with his hostages”. And Park Jimin had never heard of it before, when he took you as his hostage.

A/N : I can’t believe it took me a whole day to write this. But it had been over a week and I really wanted to update it again. I miss you and all your messages  <3 please text me often, okay? :) @cyanfann and I miss you the most, mom. Where were you when I felt so down and lonely. 

previous : part X | next : part XII

MASTERLIST

Keep reading

Behind the Walls (Chapter 6)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 

Pairing: Professor!Bucky X Reader

Words: 2,496

Warnings: Cursing!

Summary: You are currently getting your PhD in Art History, your dissertation being about The Power of Nudity in Art. Your advisor recommends you switch from being her TA to another professor because she feels her health is declining and wants you to get the best help/advice from someone new. She recommends Dr. James Barnes and believes he will be of great help to you. Things don’t turn out as you plan.

A/N: Sorry guys I came down with the flu and I wasn’t able to write after where I left off. Believe me I did not want to leave it there. Not sure about this one. Please leave comments

Tagging: @amxwxxld @confidentrose
AMAZING Artwork by
@264jana

Keep reading

Yay, another drawing completed and this one took only 2-3 hours! :D A true relief compared to the bday cake pic that took me +8 hours. I think we have a new record people. ^^

Anyway. Sleepy atem is sleepy. And yeah, he’s lent Anzu one of his wristbands, after she’s told him she liked them. He thought that was only fair after the cartouche she’s bought for him back then in the Cairo airport. ^^

youtube

This is the video I made for Anna Kendrick’s birthday. I can’t tell you how long it took me to write, record, edit and find the right music… but it took many hours…


As always, feedback is appreciated.


I hope you like this.

unofficailtrash  asked:

Story of How I Got Locked Out The House pt 1: So I can home from school and brought my then boyfriend with me. Obviously he wasn’t just over to play chess or anything like that, so you know we get into it and we didn’t even make it upstairs. 😭 Everything happened in the living room. Keep in mind we only had about an hour because this is when I was taking driving lessons and the instructor was coming to get me. We went like 2 rounds and then took a break and then we recorded the last round.

Story of How I Got Locked Out The House pt 2: WHEN I TELL YOU THE TIMING WAS PERFECT my driving instructor literally rang my doorbell as soon as he finished. When I tell you I didn’t even look at my boyfriend I fucking sprinted upstairs and threw on a pair of pants and a shirt, I didn’t even put on underwear or a bra because my driving instructor was strict about being ready on time. 😭
Story of How I Got Locked Out The House pt 3: I did the dumb thing of telling my boyfriend to lock my door (top lock only) for me and this boy leaves his glasses and locks the wrong lock too. 🤦🏾‍♀️ So basically when I got back home I had to call my dad and lie and saw that in a rush I looked the bottom and I had to sit outside and wait for my sister to come with a key. 😐 But the plus is I didn’t get caught and I got my license, so not that bad. You live and you learn right 🤷🏾‍♀️


im yelling this is great thnk u for sharing truly inspiring

hoe sleepover: tell me ur hoe stories

How to win at kid IT.

When I was younger (think ~15) I was the family IT guy. Still am actually. Back then I used to help countless people free of charge, due to my mother whoring me out for her friends and co workers. I did not like it but I had little say about things. Honestly it was a minor annoyance most of them were pretty cool people and appreciative of my help. The biggest thing that annoyed me was my mother volunteering me when I had other plans.

I did it until the fateful day I dealt with “Harpy”. Harpy was one of those late middle aged bitter as shit women you find every so often not one positive thing came out of her mouth. I honestly have no idea why my mom wanted me to help her. She brought me her computer LOADED with viruses and malware. When she dropped it off the only thing she said to me was “fix it” no thank you no description of the problem nada. So I get all the malware cleaned off viruses removed get it going again I almost had to completely wipe it and reinstall windows it was so bad. I give it to my mom to drop off to harpy.

About a month later Harpy complained to my mother that I had broken her computer and it did not work right. So my mother brings it back home. I look at the computer and figure out what happened. The idiot woman reset all her icons to arrange by name by accident.(FYI if your getting free help don’t try to cover your own incompetence with “it’s your fault you touched it and it broke because of you”) When I originally got the thing was so infected with malware and viruses it barely boot up. Lucky for me I had a backup. I kept a rolling backup of all the computers I worked on before I touched anything for 5 computers just in case shit like this happened. I restored all the viruses and malware.Told my mom give your friend back her computer its just like it was when you gave it to me last time.

The next day I got a call from the Harpy literally screaming and cursing at me telling me “Your was an idiot s&*t kid who does not know computers. How dare you break my F&%#ing computer” ect. ect. Fortunately we had an old fashioned answering machine I picked up the same time as the machine it got everything. That was that I had had enough. I took the bus to my mothers work she came rushing out thinking something horrible had happened and I played the recording for her. When it finished I told my mother from now on its 30 bucks an hour with 2 hours upfront. Or I’m not touching a damned thing.

She took it and whenever one of her friends asked for free PC work she played the recording for them. Saying that’s why I won’t help anyone for free anymore. Word got around the office that not only had harpy screamed at their co-workers kid but cost everyone their free personal slave.

The pro part comes in about a year later. My mothers boss asked my mother if I was still fixing peoples computers she said yes. He wanted to hire me part time over the summer to help out the regular IT guy and wanted to set up an interview. My mom told me. I called the guy up and we set up a time. The interview went really really well but I did not want to work with the harpy who screamed at me. I asked him if harpy still worked there he said “yes she does do you know her?” I told him I did know her and I cant take the job due to an event that happened about a year ago. He of course asked what happened I said “I really don’t want to get into it but he could ask my mom she can give him details.” Come home told mom how the interview went and she still had that tape I could hardly believe it. About 2 months later harpy got the axe.

Apparently she was sweet as could be to the boss and a complete bitch to everyone else. The tape was enough to get the boss to start looking real close at everything she did. My mom still reels at how fast Harpy got written up for shit she had pulled for years.

Variations on a Korean Folk Song (main theme)
top: E flat clarinet/flute, clarinet 1, 2, 3
bottom: horn 1, 4, baritone/tenor sax, bass clarinet

this one took a while (three+ hours) but ended up being hella worth it! intonation was really difficult because of the octaves and unisons across the different parts, time was strange because this isn’t something you can play to a metronome so i started with a video of me conducting in the bass clarinet spot, then at the very end recorded over the conducting video with the bass clarinet part
this was really fun i’m hoping to do more symphonic works or excerpts like this in the future

Don’t Trust Her

Genre: Angst, Highschool/idol au, little to no fluff (sorry)

warnings: None

Part: 3/??

Words:1308

Pairings: Reader and Jungkook(or is it???)

Summary: I was there the whole time but he kept on looking away and his eyes once landed on ‘Her’.

Originally posted by kookie-bts

<< Jungkook’s POV >>

I was in next in line to order one Americano and one latte with two cheesecakes when my phone started ringing.

“Yeoboseyo?” I answered with a little smile from seeing Minsoo’s face on the screen but it disappeared as soon as I heard sniffling heard from the other side. ‘’Misnoo-yah what happened?”

“Oppa they hurt me and yelled nasty stuff at me when all I wanted to do was help Y/N…” Hearing her cry made my heart ache so I decided to hell with that coffee and rushed back to the building infuriated.

<<Third person>>

“Her capillaries are positioned really low on her nose and any hit would have them bleed even if she sneezes really hard (I have that and I have to be extra careful) however I do have to say that was quite the hit she got. Was she hit with a ball or did she get into a fight?” The doctor asked curious to know why his patient arrived with so much blood also unconscious, as Namjoon and Yoongi stood there listening carefully to what the doctor had to say.

“Yeah, well thank you doctor for your help we really appreciate it. When can we see her?” Yoongi replied plainly trying to avoid the question because no one needed the additional problems and attention with companies, fans and magazine articles at the current moment.

“Yes, you can see her but if she is asleep don’t wake her up she’s lost a lot of blood and needs all the rest she can get.” Doctor Yoon said before moving out of the way and leaving to talk to another doctor. All of the boys were really worried for Y/N she was after all their best friend and they counted her as a little sister.

Seeing her laying of the bed with a bruised purple-ish blue nose broke all of them. Jimin took a seat on the left side of the bed and Taehyung sat on the right side. They both took Y/N’s hands in theirs, Jimin was kissing her fingers and knuckles and Taehyung laced his fingers with hers caressing her hand with his thumb. The one who broke the silence was Namjoon. Namjoon already has a sister and Y/N reminds him of her just as she is younger than him, innocent, takes care of him if he is overworking himself or stays late to help and cheers him up when the hate gets to him or any of the other members in general, she is an actual angel like Yoongi called her or a sunshine fairy like Hoesok and Taehyung called her.

“I will sue her, her manager, the company-” Namjoon was cut off by the door opening rather loudly but not loud enough to wake Y/N up. While driving in the car Taehyung had the chance to tell almost everyone in his contacts. 4 PAIRS, their manager, Jessi, the rest of Bangtan and Bang PD. All of them rushed in and simultaneously gasped. Y/N is a well-known rapper and producer despite her young age she also won SMTM7 together with the 1llionaire team (just assume). She is friends with AOMG, 1llionaire and solo rappers like Jessi, CL, Jimin (AOA), Mad Clown and Kisum. Out of all of them she is the closest to Dok2, Jessi and Jay. The first one to speak was Bang PD

“Is what you said true Taehyung?” he asked looking at Y/N.

“Neh, I even have video to prove it. We thought, me and Jimin, should take one so we at least have evidence to prove it, on the point where everyone knows how ‘persuading’ Minsoo can be.” V replied politely quoting his word. Later on he pulled out his phone showing Bang PD and the rest who just joined, the video where her group mate was beaten up by a selfish               self-centred spoiled brat. Y/N’s group members were practically in tears except Jiwoo and Sohyun who were stopped by Namjoon from driving back there and beating not only Minsoo up but Jungkook as well.

Unfortunately Y/N did not wake up that day and everyone left home and decided to come back tomorrow and get her something that would cheer her up and something that she likes.

___________________________________________________________________________

As the sun rose BTS started to get ready to go to the hospital. Their manager gave them a day or two off due to the circumstances, Jin started cooking with Soojin, Jimin together with Eunyoung and Jiwoo went to get her favourite flowers that were blue orchids, Tulips and orange roses. Taehyung got her a stuffed unicorn just like the one from despicable me and the rappers went out and got her favourite candies and drinks. All of them had plenty of time because visiting hours start at 2 till 7.

The eldest members took their cars and everyone piled inside. The ride to the hospital was actually fun as all of them started to remember the funny things Y/N would do when recording or during dance practice or even how she pranked Bang PD.

<<Normal POV>>

Trying to open your eyes was quiet hard so you decided to keep them closed for a bit and in no time you were asleep again. Waking up to someone entering your room and whispering you opened your eyes easier than the last time you have tried making eye contact with Jimin his eyes lit up and he rushed to your side

“Hey how are you feeling?” he asked quietly

“I’m ok, it’s just hard to breathe through the nose a bit and a little weight is pressured on my nose,” you answered tiredly. Jimin handed the flowers to you, gasping while looking up at him. “Thank you, they’re truly wonderful.” Jiwoo and Eunyoung handed two other bouquets with tulips and orange roses (My three favourite types of flowers). The rapper line handed you the candies and drinks. Everyone laughed at your expression when Soojin and Jin gave you your food. Everyone had a great time chatting and eating but as the doctor came in he said he has to take the bandage off which was pretty painful.

<<???POV??>>

Walking into the hospital I went straight to the reception informing them I was here to visit Y/N. Fortunately for me I still had half an hour till visiting time was over. Entering the room I saw her laying in bed asleep. Placing a blue rose on the table next to bed together with the other flowers that were already in a vase. Only a few people know that Dark blue roses were also Y/N’s favourite,  I sat there holding her hand praying that she would be ok, asking God how can she do such a thing to Y/N who is nothing but a kind, sweet and adorable girl I’ve ever known. Kissing her hand I saw that I’ll be late to the dorms due to the traffic, getting questioned was the least thing I wanted to do because right now I am not in the mood for them questioning me where was I ? What was I doing? On the way back to the dorms all I could think of was how the love of my life that I loved for years got hurt for doing nothing. Remembering the way she looked so helpless and hurt made my heart ache. I will actually help Namjoon with the suing because even though Minsoo is a trainee she still can’t hurt people whenever she wants to. Not to mention Y/N is actually her sunbae.

Arriving back at the dorms it was dark and really silent. I tried to be extra quiet so no one could hear me. Changing into my pjs I got into bed and decided I should get some sleep before I and the rest of us visit Y/N tomorrow.

______________________________________________________________________________

Sooooooo… Guys I’ve decided to change something things and make it intriguing also who do you think is the mystery guy. I gave you a clue in the story so find out who can it be and tell me who do you think he is

~Admin Butterfly

The Artists of the Women of Trek Week!

Now, when I was typing up the rules for the women of Trek week, I had put ‘accepting art’ as one of the bulletins without really any thought to it, most people just submit headcanons

During the week, I was BLOWN AWAY by the outpouring of art from some REALLY FRICKIN TALENTED PEOPLE

So just consider this a shout out, and another REALLY BIG THANK YOU, to all you lovely artists!

The Women of Trek week would not have been as half as exciting without you. <3

((It should really go without saying, but MAKE SURE you’re following every single one of these magnificent nerds

@artart-sam (for the cutest lil vulcans around! here)

@nim-lock (your amanda grayson piece is still blowing my mind! here)

@latinum-tooth-sharpener (your overwhelming support was so sweet, and your eve was fantastic! eve, ilia, keeler, t’pring, t’pring 2, t’pring 3, amanda, rand, chapel, uhura, uhura 2)

@alicemoran098123 (some of the sweetest art ever!! aurelan, keeler, t’rping, amanda, rand, mirror!uhura)

@macpye (oh my god YOU BLEW ME AWAY!! love you so much! masters, keeler, t’pring, amanda, chapel, uhura,)

@thy-lla (with your collection of adorable rands! here)

@stayinalivejim (your beautiful rand piece makes me so happy omg! here

@lost-in-thyme-and-spacebars (disney themed trek ladies?? sign me up! rand, chapel)

@spocks-crocs (chapel and her baby blue eyes ahh! here)

@gipspips (medbay shenanigans are the cutest! here)

@gracesartdump (amazingly designed trek ladies i love it! chapel, uhura)

@dripping-with-good-looks (uhura and hot chocolate WHATS NOT TO LOVE?? here)

@sleepysnowfinch (holy shit mirror!edith keeler?? here)

@petimetrek (an adorable amanda grayson! here)

@beastlyanachronism (the cutest lil uhura! here)

AND LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT LEAST

@sleepymccoy, who submitted what has to be a record of 23 pieces??? holy shit???? (nona, tonia, eleen, marta, elaan, keeler 1, keeler 2, t’pring 1, t’pring 2, t’pring 3, amanda 1, amanda 2, amanda 3, amanda 4, rand 1, rand 2, rand 3, chapel 1, chapel 2, chapel 3, uhura 1, uhura 2, uhura 3,)

THANK ALL OF YOU SO MUCH

Reflecting on the Tonys

This time last week I was an emotional mess. It was midday Monday 13 June 2016 and I had spent the morning squealing, cheering, and crying my way through the Tonys with my sister and my mother. My mum has Mondays off and my sister and I had booked the day off work so that we could watch them as a family. It was an important morning for a small Western Australian family.

As I say, I was an emotional mess. But it was the most positive, passionate, inspired mess I have ever been. And I have James Corden and Lin-Manuel Miranda to thank for that indescribable feeling. With some serious help from my sister.

I have been completely and utterly lost twice in my life.

The first time was at the end of year 12. I was finishing up 12 years of education and I had absolutely no idea what was next. I quite enjoyed English, I quite enjoyed history, and I really enjoyed the structure that school provided and the fact that I got to be surrounded by my friends every day. This had become increasingly important to me in high school as I battled self-harm and anorexia, things that still impact my daily life.

Exams were finished, the deadline for getting university applications in had passed – and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. This seems a completely normal situation now, but at the time it was terrifying. I’d had it drilled into me for the last 12 years that I needed to know exactly who I was, where I was going, and have a 5-point-10-year plan of how I was going to make it happen. Everyone else seemed relatively sure of themselves. I was just glad I’d made it to the end of high school. I’d destroyed so much of myself over the last 5 years that I didn’t have anything left.

No direction, no motivation, no sense of who I was. Then The History Boys found me.

Mum and I rented it one night on a vague recollection she had of it being a good film. This film and these boys changed everything for me.

I saw this group of young kids who had so much joy and passion for learning and for life, and for HISTORY. I had always been quite interested in war history, but this film lit a fire inside me. The determination, the pure, unadulterated and unapologetic enthusiasm these boys had for the acquisition and appreciation of knowledge spoke to me on such a fundamental level. Not to mention the pure, calculated silliness.

This was who I wanted to be. This was who I WAS, and had forgotten. Every single thing these people said resonated with me with absolute pitch-perfection.

I applied for the history course at the University of Western Australia – late fees and all -, I started reading all the non-fiction I could get my hands on, my mum and I booked a holiday to England and France to explore museums and Normandy and streets older than the British colonization of our country.

I had found it – the thing that I was meant to do, the person I had always wanted to be but had always sort of danced around. And I have eight fantastic boys to thank for that, not least of all Mr James Corden who was the familiar face that intrigued me enough to go with mum’s really very vague recommendation and actually watch The History Boys.

I live and breathe history because of those boys and that film, I’m at university because of them, I am who I am because of them. I wish I’d had the opportunity to see the play, but I can’t ask for much more, they have given me so much already.

The second time I was completely lost was exactly this time last year.

I was half-way through my third year as a history major at UWA after having first taken a gap year. I was 21 years old. I was experiencing the worst depression of my life.

I hadn’t been to work in weeks and I’d had to get significant extensions on all of my final assignments because my days literally consisted of lying in bed either crying or sleeping. Everything was exhausting, I felt nothing, and I’d lost joy for absolutely everything. In my most challenging times I had always had history, always had my love of going to uni and learning something new. If I was having a particularly rough time I would watch The History Boys and be reminded of that feeling of joy and wonder. But this time I had none of that. I’d stopped going to classes and I couldn’t even muster up the energy to watch a movie.

I did, however, have my big sister Elizabeth (Bibs, Lib, Libby, Titi, however the mood took me). We’ve always been extremely close. She’d always pull through for me, and this time was no different.

When I was literally suicidal because I was so tired, and so worried about all my responsibilities that I was ignoring, so worried about people always asking how I was and my debilitating need to please them before taking care of myself, so tempted to just make everything and everyone stop and be quiet…Bibs was ALWAYS there. She knew better. She would come by with fun facts and news, funny stuff from Tumblr, a cool song she’d heard, or a drawing she’d done or something. Lately she’d been talking a lot about a tv show called Turn. It sounded cool but I didn’t have the energy to get excited about the fact that my sister was finally interested in history. But thanks to Turn she’d also started seeing this interesting-looking musical called Hamilton: An American Musical that had amazing costumes and an intriguing and gorgeous cast. Again, I was not in a place to be excited for how far down the history rabbit-hole she was starting to fall, but I continued to hold that history-nerd torch deep, deep inside me.

I managed to get through the mid-year break, started seeing a therapist and taking anti-depressants. I had so, SO far to go. But I knew that here, on this earth, with people like my sister and my History Boys, was where I wanted to be.

I started engaging more with my sister’s new-found interest in history. I’d started watching Turn with her. When the full cast recording of Hamilton came out for free in September she would play me a couple of Act I highlights. It was pretty awesome stuff. Having made the decision to go back to uni for second semester rather than defer, I didn’t really have the time to sit down and properly, actively listen to 2 hours and 40 minutes of soundtrack yet.

On October 10 I gave in and straight-up bought the album anyway. I was probably procrastinating, let’s be honest. But I listened to it all the way through. It only took a single listen.

In a matter of days we had booked tickets to see Hamilton on December 8 2015, and we had booked plane tickets to go to New York fucking City.

I was enjoying my course work, I was getting my assignments done on time, I had a trip to NYC with my sister to look forward to, I had Hamilton to look forward to.

I was finding myself again. And this time, my sister was more a part of it than ever before. Hamilton WAS us. It was history and it was theatre (as well as so, so many other things, obviously). It was this beautiful, magical, breath-taking, game-changing synthesis that brought us even closer than before. And ask anyone who knows us, we were already ANNOYINGLY close.

So on December 8 2015 we saw Hamilton.

And on December 12 2015 we saw Hamilton again, by way of some amazing right-place-right-time kind of magic.

And on December 15 at the stage door Chris Jackson - whose strong and inherently GOOD George Washington routinely brings me to tears - was kind enough to write out “history has its eyes on you” for me.  

It was a line that had immediately spoken to me. I just want to learn as much as I can, and I want to put as much positivity, love, knowledge, and joy back into the world as I have been lucky enough to receive by way of history, my family, and the two most important pieces of art in my entire life – The History Boys and Hamilton. It felt right.

And on December 16 I got it tattooed on my right forearm. That night we went back to the stage door to thank everyone again, and I showed Chris the finished product. He took a picture of me on his phone and gave me one of the best hugs I have ever received in my life. SO snuggly. That man exudes love and just…genuine-ness. Everyone had been so kind, so gracious, so patient, and this was the absolute best way to finish off our trip. Lib was flying home the next day, and I was flying to Vancouver to visit my best friend. I had meant to go in the middle of the year but wasn’t well enough. It’s funny how the stars just align sometimes, huh?

So to be sitting on our little couch in Perth, Western Australia last Monday morning and see Hamilton getting that amount of love and respect from everyone in that room and around the world, at an awards show hosted by James Corden who opened WITH the amazing cast of Hamilton, singing THAT opening number?

It emotionally rocked me in the best, most positive and inspiring way possible.

I cannot believe that the last 12 months has happened to me, I cannot believe what I have been lucky (and unlucky) enough to have felt and seen and done.

But mostly, I cannot thank these beautiful people enough.

So to my History Boys, to James, thank you for showing me my path when I had forgotten who I was.

To Lin and Chris and the entire cast and crew of Hamilton, thank you for literally giving me a reason to get out of bed, rejoin life, and rediscover what it feels like to be alive and to be filled with love and passion and life.

And to Elizabeth, thank you for absolutely everything. I am here because of you.

Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now.


the other day i put a joanna newsom record on and painted the entire 2 hours it took to listen to it without a break and im so proud of that i feel like i translated the feeling of her record into my painting also i cleaned my room and rearranged shit and VACUUMED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN EVER and my room is so much more open and im so happy and i had a wild night last night that is catching up w me…i had a truly awful dream that i feel too disturbed abt to talk to anyone abt but maybe i will a little later, i dont want to keep having these bad dreams (especially since i had a rly rly rly pleasant peaceful dream abt cy earlier today when i fell back asleep when i got home from eleanors)