The truth is, I’m hopelessly in love with you. I said it many times to you, and I’ll say it many times about you. I’m crazy, I’m obsessive, I’m needy, I’m protective, I don’t care. I fell in love with you, and now I don’t know how to fall out of love. Now I don’t know where to put the memories, how to shake the thought of you and the truth is I fucking miss you. God damn, I want to hate you, I want to feel my blood boil at the thought of you, but I have nothing to hate you for. All you ever did was shower me with love, how could I hate you for making me happy? How could I hate somebody so innocently perfect? I miss you, I miss us, I miss the way you used to look at me and I miss the way you talk. I miss your stupid walk and your gross facial hair, I miss the tiny little things that I used to tease you for because now I don’t get to laugh at them. I took everything for granted, I took our entire relationship for granted because I made up in my head that it was forever, that for once a boy wasn’t lying to me. And I was so damn stupid to think that, to fall in love as if there was no tomorrow because of course you were going to leave and of course you were lying. What do I have that is so special? Nothing, I got nothing. And now you’re gone, gone for good and I’m left here not knowing what the fuck to do. Not knowing where to place all this love and not knowing how to smile on my own. You carried me through so much and dropped me like I was nothing, like everything we went through was all just a dream, and I guess now I’m living a fucking nightmare
Once part of Redania, Novigrad now has the status of a free city. It
is the world’s largest city and, without a doubt, richest as well. Cradle
of the cult of the Eternal Fire, it is now home to the church of the
same name. It is ruled officially by the head of the church, referred to
as the hierarch, though its underworld crime bosses also have a great
deal of say in matters.
When we first met, you and I, you asked me a question,” he said.
“Yes, I did,” she replied with a slight smirk appearing on her face.
“We were at a party. I was throwing up in the bathroom and you stumbled in, drunk and quite crazy looking. You asked me what the point of it all was. You said everything hurt. That everything always got messed up, and it was usually your fault. You were crying, hard, and you looked at me and asked me what the point was. And I didn’t know what to say, because I didn’t know. I still don’t know.”
She let out a small laugh and bumped his leg with her knee. She took a deep breath and spoke.
“You see, when we first met, I was heartbroken. I just got dumped, my mom hated me, I thought I had no one. I didn’t see the point of living, of doing anything anymore,” she told him quietly.
“Well what about now?” he questioned.
“Well now,” she spoke again, louder this time, “now I’m happy. I have you, my best friend. My mom doesn’t hate me. I haven’t fucked anything up in a while. But it won’t stay like this forever. Because I’m going to mess up again and you’ll hate me and I’ll hate you and then we’ll love each other. Maybe we’ll end up together in the long run or maybe I’ll end up wishing you would drop off of the planet. What I’m trying to say is, nothing is permanent. You won’t be happy forever but you also won’t be sad forever. Things are always changing, and you can’t stop them from doing so. The point is, that there is no point. So live however the hell you want to. We’re all destined to the same inevitable ending.
It’s strange but in a weird way, I miss my darkness… you know what I mean, the indifferent sadness that you resign yourself to when you’re completely and totally hopeless, when you no longer see a reason to try anymore so you kinda just shuffle along day after day, when nothing really matters because you don’t plan on living for much longer. Things that once ate away at you no long strike fear or anxiety into your heart cause “once I’m dead none of it’ll matter.” I’m told it’s fucked up to say because “Some people are dying to feel any other way! HOW DARE YOU WANT THAT BACK!!” Look at it from my point of view: when I didn’t have any purpose or motivation to exist, there was no stress about work, or school, or anything else; every problem just slipped away with my will to live. I could simply sink down into the darkness and embrace the silence. It’s different now that I’ve been “trying"again… It’s so much harder than before. It’s so fucking bright and loud!! but this time you’re not allowed to just walk away and cave in on yourself! You have to accept and acknowledge everything! And no matter how hard you try, you can no longer channel the familiar sanctuary that you’ve grown so accustomed to! You feel as though you don’t belong there, with the normal people, at all. After you’ve lived with the darkness for so long, can you ever truly return to the light? or will it always have those pieces of you, the ones that it took in the first place?
Thoughts I’ll never speak out loud.
(Sorry it’s so long, I’m awful at describing things so it takes me a while to do it)
(for @jonxsansafanfiction’s 15 days of valentine’s day event - day 14) Sansa is a doctor in 2006 leaving behind the lake house that she has been renting to move to Chicago. She leaves a note in the mailbox for the next tenant to forward her mail. Two years earlier in 2004, Jon Snow, an architect, arrives at the lake house and finds her letter in the mailbox. Through the mailbox, they begin to write letters to each other, and a relationship blooms.
it’s me!!! althea!!!! with my first ever follow forever!!! i wanted to do something nice for my mutuals and like fingers crossed this actually works or else rip me ☹ but i hit 300 followers the other day which for me was like a big thing because before i remade like two weeks ago it had taken me like three years to get that many!! and like everyone who’s ever interacted with me even on anon like thank u i lov u so so much!!! you always make me smile and idk i want to make u smile with this in return!!!💖💖💖 okay so!!!!