this took a lot of searching omg

anonymous asked:

things that would make the vagabond cry: a long period of high stress where he has no other outlet (planning his first heist, maybe). a heist going bad and he's alone and think the others are dead (even though they aren't and they're looking for him). the relief that comes with finding a kidnapped crew member after a long week of searching for them (esp if it's jeremy or gavin). i think abt ryan crying a lot --ryanthepowerbottomguy

(sorry this took so long to answer)

these all sound so great omg my poor baby. i love the first one especially because it’s probably one of the first time any of them see him cry and its?? shocking??? like who had any idea that the fucking Vagabond has human emotions??

But really it’s stressful because Ryan likes these guys. He’s finding himself actually enjoying their company and wanting to stay with their crew and this heist he has to plan is his final test, the make-it-or-break-it with no multiple choice only a grading scale in how much blood gets spilled, how many holes end up in their chests. It’s a dangerous test and anything going wrong, anyone getting hurt will be on his hands.

I see Ryan as the kinda person who can hide their stressing out pretty well until it all comes shattering down. Will insists he’s fine until it’s very, very obvious he is not. During heist planning this probably comes from just so many details not going well, long setups failing one way or another. Ryan finally snaps when some order he’s been trying to get to help make some explosives for cracking the safe falls through and Ryan nearly shatters his phone when he throws it to the ground. And Gavin hears the commotion, poking his head into Ryan’s room to hear Ryan grumbling to himself, a slight hitch in his voice that most definitely sounds like the guy is crying, his arms shaking by his side. And maybe Gavin shouldn’t have said anything, just left the room silently. After all, Gavin still barely knows the guy and he could’ve very well have shot him in the face for seeing him like this.

But Gavin, in all his stupid glory, softly tells Ryan he’ll pick up the order for him. Get a better deal from another place. He tries to reaffirm Ryan that it’s alright, the heist will still go on.

Ryan very nearly punches him just from Gavin startling him, just from the shock of someone seeing him like this. So vulnerable. Emotions so out in the open where he’s used to keeping them buried down. Emotions are a dangerous this in this world. Emotions mean others believe they can manipulate you, can control you. Showing a weakness like this usually means your dick’s being sacrificed next.

But Gavin just continues to talk regardless of Ryan’s internal panic. “The first heist is always the worst. I nearly drove the bloody firetruck we stole into the gas pumps because my hands were shaking so much. Needless to say, we don’t use firetrucks anymore. But we all made it out alive. It all turned out alright. And you can ask us for help, you know. You don’t need to plan the whole thing yourself. Geoff likes to say you have to, but you don’t really. I nearly planned all of Michael’s myself. But don’t tell Geoff that.”

Ryan just stares at Gavin in confusion because here this kid had been too scared to talk to him alone (Gav doesn’t do well with new people alright?) and is talking more with Ryan now than he ever has before. But then he realizes Gavin is staring at him, expecting a response and Ryan clears his throat, gets rid of the waver and says quietly back. “…You think you can get a better deal on the explosives?”

Gavin scoffs, “Of course I can, it’s what I do, Vagabond. Do you question my abilities? What exactly are we needing here, I’ll get a guy up on call within an hour.”

And even with that stupid cocky grin on his face, Ryan just falls himself at ease again, another reminder of why he just likes this crew so much, why he’s slowly slipping into their family. And Gavin’s silent acceptance of Ryan showing weakness, of him not making a big deal of Ryan crying, of fucking comforting him. Well. Ryan just thinks again of how lucky he is to have found them.

anonymous asked:

ah i always thought u were bi (i think u once said u were, or was it someone else?) but now that i see that u are a lesbian, it makes me a bit more happy as a lesbian myself :') i just love seeing lesbians loving each other (hope i won't get called biphobic oh god)

for the longest time i convinced myself i could actually be with men and i just preferred women haha
took a lotta soul-searching but i’m happy with being a lesbian bc it’s actually genuine and not just adhering to people’s standards !
lots of love to you 💓💓💓
(i don’t think it’s biphobic but boy do i get accused of that a lot … sometimes ya just wanna bond with other /lesbians/ omg… ???)