this sums up my feelings quite nicely

A Way to You Again: Part 9

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Language

Word Count:  1792

Catch Up Here

Summary: Bucky and Y/N have been fairly successful at keeping their relationship hidden from the rest of the Avengers. That is… until Nat walks into the kitchen one night and finds Bucky kissing Y/N. While Y/N is relieved that their relationship is out in the open it soon becomes more complicated than she could have ever imagined.

Author’s Notes: Thanks to the lovely @melconnor2007 for the request. Holy mother of confrontations.

Originally posted by dailybuckybarnes

Originally posted by ch-est-er

I felt the couch shift slightly as someone sat beside me. I immediately knew who it was, and I was happy to act like I was sleeping until the end of time to avoid him. “Y/N,” Bucky whispered softly as he placed his hand on my back. I stiffened at the contact.

“Don’t,” I snapped as I sat up and looked at him. I could tell it was nearing the early dawn hours by the soft yellow light that flooded through the windows.

“Please doll,” he whispered as he placed his hand back in his lap. “I didn’t ask for her to be there. I told her to leave right before you came in,” he explained – desperation dripping from his voice.

“Don’t you get it?” I laughed as I hastily wiped tears away from my eyes. “You did ask for it, Bucky. You slept with her and kept it a secret before breaking it off…” I paused for a moment before turning to him. “Did you even really break it off or were you seeing her when you started spending time with me?” The words sounded much more accusatory than I had meant for them to be.

Bucky blinked for a moment – shocked at the words that had come out of my mouth – before anger flashed across his face. “For Christ’s sake, Y/N! If you would just let me explain what happened!” he answered, exasperated, as he slammed his fist onto the couch.

“I think I can sum it up quite nicely. You fucked my best friend, and kept it a secret from everyone on the team. You then broke it off with her— knowing that she had feelings for you, and began pursuing me. You then did the exact same thing to me,” I muttered bitterly as I looked anywhere but at him.

“Except I didn’t break it off with you – you ran away. Off to some place that I couldn’t find, and refused to talk to anyone. And then when I called to apologize you told me it’s over, and hung up. Let’s not forget about the sister I never knew existed.” Bucky was becoming more agitated by the minute as he struggled to reign in his emotions.

“I didn’t tell you about her because I was trying to protect her!” I shouted as I angrily pushed myself off the couch.

“And why won’t you believe me when I tell you the same thing?” he asked as with a sad sigh. His anger had deflated and he was grappling for words as he ran his hands through his hair nervously. The sight of him looking so helpless and confused disarmed me and I felt my own anger ebb. All the things that Steve had confided in me about Bucky’s happiness and subsequent withdrawal after I had left came flooding back. I sat down beside him softly.

“When did you start having nightmares again?” I asked quietly. In the months that we had been together he rarely had nightmares, and even when he did they were no where close to what he had had tonight.

“Since you left,” he responded just as quietly.

“I’m sorry I left. I know it wasn’t the right thing to do. I should have stayed and talked to you…. I missed you,” I added as I rested my hand over his.

“Then nothing else matters. It’s all in the past. We can move forward,” he responded fiercely as he gazed up into my eyes.

His words echoed back to those of another, who had once said the the same thing—holding me captive with the promise of a better tomorrow for years. I could feel the chill creep into my heart again as I quickly removed my hand and watched Bucky’s face melt into confusion. “It does matter and you know it,” I responded brutally.

“Why? Why can’t we talk about this and move on from it?” Bucky pleaded.

“Because I love you!” I yelled at him as I pushed off the couch once again. I froze at my sudden announcement. I hadn’t meant to say it – I had just been trying to reason my feelings out in my mind and it had slipped through. I looked at Bucky as he sat frozen on the couch. His mouth opened and closed several times; unable to formulate any type of response to me. I turned to leave – it was like I was living my own personal nightmare. I had prepared for this revelation as best as I could, but I had failed miserably in its delivery.

“Y/N, wait,” Bucky breathed as his hand wrapped around my arm – stopping me in my tracks. I turned to look at him again, but still saw the same troubled and terrified blue eyes that I had witnessed when I had accidentally confessed my feelings. “I…”

“Just tell me this Bucky – why did your best friend have to come find me in secret? Why wasn’t it you?” I asked bitterly as tears stung my eyes. Bucky looked down at the ground unable to answer me. “Jesus Christ – I can’t stay here and look at you like this,” I muttered as I yanked my arm from his grasp and turned to leave. As I stepped into the elevator I turned to make sure he wasn’t following me and saw him standing in the same spot I had left him. Just before the doors closed he turned to look at me with tears in his eyes.

I slumped against the wall of the elevator once the doors had closed. I felt like I had had the breath knocked out of me. Tears trailed down my cheeks as I tried desperately to regain my composure. Some of the others would be awake by now and I didn’t want to stir any suspicion. I couldn’t answer their questions – no matter how well intended they might be.

As the elevator doors opened to the common room I rushed through them – determined to dart to my room. In my panic I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings and ran into Steve.

“Woah, Y/N! Where’s the fire?” he chuckled. The humor in his eyes extinguished when he looked at my bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. “What happened?”

“I…” I was finding it hard to speak, and keep my composure. “I walked in on Nat comforting Bucky after a nightmare and I…” Steve visibly tensed at this.

“Go on,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me and brought my head to his chest.

“I… he followed me, and I confronted him… and… I told him I loved him,” I whispered as I buried my head into Steve’s chest. I just wanted to disappear. “And he didn’t say anything, Steve… He just stood there.”

“Y/N,” Bucky’s voice came from behind me. I stiffened at the sound. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. Steve hugged me tight as he sighed into my hair.

“Y/N, you should head back to your room. I’ll come check on you in a second,” Steve muttered. I looked up at him confused.

“Steve, I can…” but the look he gave me stopped me in my tracks. I swallowed hard before Steve’s arms dropped to his side and I half-turned defensively towards Bucky.

“Y/N, I…” but Bucky’s words were halted by Steve’s fist hitting him straight in the jaw. He blinked once before falling to his knees. He stared at me as I turned to leave.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Steve asked angrily as I retreated to my room – unwilling to participate in a super soldier brawl.

I slumped back to rest my head on my door. I was dizzy from the tale-spin of emotions that I had just endured. I heard Bucky trudge down the hallway with Steve close behind him.

“What are you doing?!” Steve demanded before a door slammed – securing both men safely in Bucky’s room, and making it less likely that they would wake up the entire tower.

“What am I doing?!” Bucky bellowed back. “I’m trying to win my girl back, and you keep getting in the way Rogers!”

“What the hell are you talking about Buck?” Steve asked – astonishment driving his voice to become even louder.

“Every time I turn around you are there with her. How am I supposed to even get a second to make things right when you are always there?!” Bucky yelled back at him before quieting himself – he must have regained enough sense to realize I could hear everything he was saying.

“You’re kidding, right? You don’t need my help fucking things up, Buck. You’re doing great on your own,” Steve answered incredulously. I could tell that Steve was trying to regain control of his anger but was struggling. “She literally ran away from you, and you refused to run after her. If it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t even be here, you fucking idiot!”

Silence lapsed between the two men as I held my breath – waiting for Bucky’s response. There was of course no way I could have known that Bucky would snap and run full force towards his best friend. Suddenly there was a loud crash and a cloud of debris as the two men came hurtling through the wall –Bucky with his hands still around Steve’s throat. I shrieked in response as I scrambled off of my bed and into the corner of the room as the two men crashed onto the floor. They rolled around – jabbing at one another and grunting. After the initial shock wore off I looked at the gaping hole that now adorned my bedroom wall, and felt anger bubble up from within me.

“What the fuck do you two think you’re doing?!” I screeched as I stomped over to the two of them and fruitlessly attempted to pry them apart. The men continued to fight as I yelled at them. Hot angry tears rolled from my eyes as they finally broke apart – realizing suddenly where they were and what they were doing.

Bucky scrambled to his feet quickly – his hair in disarray and he shirt partially torn. “Doll I am so..”

“What the fuck gives you the right to act like fucking two-year olds? Both of you are grown ass men! God! Just get out of my room!” I yelled as I stomped my foot in frustration. Without saying another word both men quickly exited. I groaned as I looked at the gaping hole in the wall near my bed. As Bucky entered his own room I realized there was no way I could stay. Not without seeing him, and hearing him every second – I angrily padded across the room, and grabbed my gym bag before making my way to the gym.


@bless-my-demons @lillian-paige @pleasefixthepain @nikkitia7 @kittthekat @ailynalonso15 @themistsofmyavalon @coffeeismylife28 @melconnor2007 @harleyqueen7 @sebbys-girl @marvel-lucy @lbouvet @totallygroovyllama @stickthinbarbie @avengers-bucky-fanfic @buckybarnesbestbabe @irepeldirt @glitterintheairblog @mizzzpink @barnesandnoble13 @themercurialmadhatter @bringmetheemobands @theloveablesociopath @selfdestructivefangirl @bellenuit45 @moncun @smkunz613 @ephemeral-high @the-craziestone @zxcorra @awinterloveuniverse @thefandomplace @hellomissmabel @imamoose @dont-let-me-go-again @barnes-and-noble-girl @hollycornish @amrita31199 @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x @skeletoresinthebasement @iron-winter @mikaelarhead @shliic @queenllamamama13 @jasmins3 @caitsymichelle13 @winterboobaer @mytasterpeculiar @bexboo616 @sgt-jbb-107 @sapphire1727 @seargantbcky @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @fiercemonaco @marvelouslyloki @kendallefire @lilasiannerd @alyssaj23 @harleenquim @masha-meow01 @simplyashley95 @beautifulbri26 @buckyappreciationsociety @specs15 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @basicallybucky @and-i-swear-we-are-infinte @tequilavet @welovesebsquad @shamvictoria11 @megandrawsspace @axelinchen @domcaaa996 @get-weird-pjjl @buckypietroandstevearemyfavs @genlovesdcb @gingerbatchwife @specs15 @xthefuckerysquaredx @sammysgirl1997 @sebstanthemanxo @alltheprettyroyals @writingblockswriters @maygenjayne1 @sempiternal-amour @fine-ass-feminist

trollerskating  asked:

New here as well! I watched xf when I was younger but not religiously as it freaked me out as a kid. Saw the reboot and went back to binge on the entire series and I'm almost done with season 8! So I'm assuming you've been in this fandom for a while and I'm not sure if you have the answer for it. But why do a lot of people in the gillovny fandom hate Gillian (from your perspective at least)?

Hi there! And welcome back in the fandom :)

This is quite an ask you sent me here! First of all, I don’t think anyone in here “hate” Gillian. It’s a strong word, and in my opinion, it doesn’t fit the Gillovny fandom’s feeling for Gillian at all. I think ‘disappointment’ works better. 

I’m kinda over it now, xfiles start filming again, I want to focus on that, but because you asked nicely and you came off anon, I’ll still try to sum it up for you :)

Last November, she was rumored to start dating Peter Morgan, the writer of The Crown. We, the Gillovny fandom, laughed it off. Two months before, she did a comic con wearing a t-shirt saying “I’m with Schmoopie” with an arrow pointing at David and it appeared that they’ve been spending the summer together in California. There was no way she would be dating someone else, we thought. She attended The Crown premiere with Andrew O'Hagan as her date, so there really was nothing to worry about. But in January, they showed up at the Golden Globes together. There was no particular sign of affection, but she was at The Crown’s table. I’ll let you Google the pictures, you will see how *not* in love they look. It was weird. Then there was Viceroy’s House premiere, where she only stayed a few minutes only to run to an event in his honor, and then The Baftas where he was nominated. No need to say that those were tough months for the Gillovny fandom. But then The Webby Awards happened, and Gillian and David were back to their old-seives again, and it was great. It was in May. At this time, there were still people believing she wasn’t dating Peter Morgan. All of that happened in 7 months. 7 months where she could have made it clear who she was with, just walking a red carpet hand in hand and it would have been it. But she chose another way. They went on vacation in Italy and for the first time in her whole career, 450 pictures of her and Peter Morgan were released. A few of them were kinda… graphic… half nudes. That’s the way our Gillovny hopes were crushed.

You will tell me that it’s none of our business who Gillian is dating, and you’re right. It’s not about who she’s dating but about who she is, and for a time, we weren’t sure and probably still aren’t, that the Gillian we all love and admire was the real Gillian. Never we would have thought she would end up half naked with her boyfriend pulling her panties down in the trashy press all around the world, but it happened. Gillian, who is used to vacation in secluded places where nobody can see her went on vacation with her new boyfriend in a celebrity hotspot and was followed for a whole day, maybe two, by paparazzis she definitely saw. 

You may have noticed that all the events I listed up there where she attended with him are His events. That’s because in almost one year, we’ve never seen him attending her event. Maybe once, at the Bazaar Magazine women of the year award where she was rewarded, but even there, this magazine was in a marketing partnership with his show.  He also showed up at one of her panel for her “We” book in London, but the signing took too long, so he left before her. During those events, we have seen him screaming at her and pulling her hand to rush her, not helping her for one second when she was on crutches, looking annoyed as hell next to her, and not waiting for her while she was signing autographs. In the pictures, we’ve seen him pulling her panties down on a public place, removing his underwear at this same place, and also letting her pay for her own ice-cream. All of that happened during the promotion of Gillian’s book “We, a manifesto for women everywhere” and we got the feeling that she was preaching something she was not applying to herself. 

I think the fact that Gillian and David are not together would have been easier to handle if the dude had been a caring gem, which he really isn’t. There’s also a part of the Gillovny fandom who now believe Gillian and David were never together and Gillian (a lot more than David), used Gillovny only for promotional purpose and everything we saw or thought we saw was a lie. I personally don’t believe that, but that’s also where the disappointment come from. 

So there’s no hate here. I mean, there could have been hate, when those pictures appeared, because it was seriously shocking and we were reacting with our guts and we may have been harsh on her for sure. But it’s over now, we’re all trying to cope with these new developments and keeping our sanity and decency. We all wish Gillian would have handled all this differently, she had several occasions to do so, but she chose not to. She basically told us once to fuck off with one tweet, and now she has this Tumblr icon which appeared around the time of the Italy pictures so I assume the disappointment is mutual. As for my perspective, I’m proud not praise everything my idols do or say. If they do something I don’t like, I’m not going to pretend I do hoping they care about my opinion, I admit the people I love and admire have flaws, they make mistakes, their judgement isn’t unerring and they’re just humans, not Gods. But as I said, I’m over it, the disappointment is still here in me, but I don’t hate her, I do love her for many reasons, and I accept that there are parts of her personality that I don’t know even though I thought I did, and that there are parts of her that I dislike, just like in everyone else. 


To quote the best line form the opening of OL describes me to a tee today. I am not going to rehash anything here, because there have been some truly magnificent posts written that sum up my feelings quite nicely today. Hats off to @diggsydog, @cb4tb, @moghraidhcaitriona, and others for expressing my same sentiments so well. And to @soka13….you absolutely nailed it for me.

So where do I go from here….well here goes:

I do not hate Sam or Cait. I don’t know these people. I believed in them because of what they have shown me over the past few years, and became a fan because of it. They are terrific actors who bring two of my favorite characters to life. They owe me that as a fan of their show. Everyone knows that I have always been a bigger fan of Cait than Sam, but only because I am impressed with women who pursue their dreams and run with it when told they can’t. And in their industry, that it a testament to her will and work ethic to succeed. Her current accolades show that, and I hope they continue.

My respect for them as people is now my issue. They have both played the game knowing full well what fans would interpret, and only they know why. I chose to believe them, and that is on me. When Sam hitched his wagon to the wanker last year, he began a downward spiral to where I perceive him now. Against my better judgement, I refollowed him after Cait’s B-day fest, only because I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Based on the most recent actions, I will do that no longer. If he is really with Swiss Miss, then more power to him. I no longer care who he is with, including Cait.

What I find most interesting about the whole fucked up mess is quite simple. This chick’s name got dropped in Jess box, to be followed by “FB” plants all around the US….NY, Montreal, NC, and now GA. Yet not one pic with the new GF, only innuendo laden pics and hate directed toward Sam’s new love, yet nothing from the man himself?? What kind of boyfriend is that? Yet he and Cait all but get it on for the world to see, and yet that isn’t real either? Either way, they have fucked with their fans long enough, and have no credibility in my book. If that is their personal life, no wonder they want to share it. How pathetic.

So, I plan to ship from the shore. I want to stay here with all of you, only because I want answers to questions now. I will no longer ship Sam or Cait with rose colored glasses, or my heart, but will now do it with my eyes and ears wide open. And, no more pussy footing around. I will call out the fuckery in a respectful way. And to those who are still on the S/C ship or train, I will support you in every way.

While I am just one in thousands, they will have to earn me back as a fan of them as people. When they decide to be honest with us, I just might open up to let them. Until then, I will question the daylights out of how two incredibly talented, gifted and philanthropic people have allowed themselves to be relegated to a D-List version of The Bachelor! If they show themselves to be happy and content with SO’s…whomever they may be, then more power to them. And if we continue to see them as a loved up couple when together, then the gloves are off. I will laugh, scratch my head and snark accordingly, but I will be here.

So, I am off to enjoy some sunshine today. It is 75 here in South Carolina, and maybe I will go take a picture of myself in front of a map, or crash a wedding!

Love to you my sweet, thoughtful, amazing and beautiful shipsters! I will save you a drink under the umbrella!🍹🌴😎😙❤

Blade Runner (1982)

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog! In celebration of the release of Blade Runner 2049, I’m going to provide my own (very) personal review of the original Blade Runner (1982) film:

It sucked, and I hate it!*

*This is obviously my personal opinion, and I am not hailing it as an objective truth. I also need to point out that I am heavily biased toward the book (Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick). I am also completely aware that the film is a loose adaptation of the book, but I will address this further on.

I very rarely ‘hate’ films – it is an intense word, after all. After years of being force-fed overanalyses in high school, however, I feel that the film warrants this. The thing is that in high school, English teachers will tell you that it’s ‘okay to have your own opinion of the film!’ before going on to inspect every little detail that points toward it being a literary masterpiece. Then they go on to say that your opinion must be founded – without offering any advice for analysing it from a negative perspective. Here I am to say that it is indeed entirely possible to both effectively analyse the techniques used as well as show that a film (in this case, Blade Runner) is completely and utterly terrible!

I summed it up quite nicely after very recently (within the past hour) watching Blade Runner with my family in the hopes of inspiring hype for the sequel: Blade Runner is a good film, but a terrible story.

Keep reading

I Can’t Save Her: Part 14

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Mild Violence, Some Angst, Sex 

Word Count: 2765 (sorry - it’s a little long)

Catch Up Here

Summary: You have been with the Avengers for three years and during that time you have developed a close friendship with Bucky. When you discover another woman in Bucky’s room you begin to question what your true feelings for him are.

Author’s Notes: Do you ever have a scene in mind – like you don’t know where the story is going, but this scene appears out of the blue and you know when you write the story it has to be there? This scene is like that for me. Before I had worked out all the details for the progression of this story I knew this scene had to be in it. For full effect listen to Beyonce’s “Crazy In Love- Remix” when reading. 

I love your comments, messages, asks, likes, reblogs – all of it. <3

Originally posted by stuckwithbuck

Originally posted by carsyugen

Originally posted by symphonies-of-my-thoughts

“Y/N!” Wanda shouted as she shook me out of my sleep.

“I swear to god – I need to use the lock more,” I muttered sleepily as I opened my eyes. I looked at my alarm clock and shot straight up. “Oh god! I only have three hours to get ready?! How did I manage to sleep all day!” Without any further prompting from Wanda I ran clumsily to the bathroom and jumped into the shower. I knew the people that Tony had hired to do our hair and makeup, on Wanda’s request, would be arriving at any moment and I wanted to avoid Tony’s direct ire today.

“Has Bucky gotten in?” I asked hopefully through the door as I stepped out of the shower.

“No,” Wanda responded. My heart sank. I had been holding on to a sliver of hope that he would make it back in time, but I reminded myself that whatever he was doing was important. He had told me he would try his best to be back in time, and I trusted in that. With that being said – it made me less than eager to go on my own.

“Do I still have to go?” I asked miserably as I walked back into my room to grab my sweats so I could get dressed in the bathroom.

“Since you more or less swore on your eternal soul to Tony that you would be there, I would say… yes,” Wanda replied through the bathroom door as I dressed. I groaned in protest as I opened the door. “Oh come on Y/N. What else would you do? Sit at home alone and sulk? At least this will give you something to do! And it’s Christmas Eve – we need to all be together.” Of course she was right – I followed her down the hallway to the common area, which now looked like a beauty triage unit.

After two and a half hours of being poked, prodded, brushed, and painted I followed Wanda back to room to get dressed. First I put on the lingerie that Wanda was adamant that I wear – even though it made me feel ridiculous, and then I allowed her to help me with the red gown. It certainly fit better with all the alterations that had been made to it. Within no time we were both dressed and ready to go. I had secretly been practicing walking in the killer heels, that Wanda had demanded I buy, for weeks so I was able to confidently walk down the hall with her to meet the guys. Upon our arrival Tony’s face lit up, and Steve blushed furiously. “What? Do I have something in my teeth or…?” I asked self-consciously.

“No – you look amazing!” Tony exclaimed with a clap of his hands. I could feel the heat rushing up my neck and to my cheeks.

“You really do look great,” Steve added. “I know Bucky really wanted to be here – and after seeing pictures of you I can guarantee that he will be mad that his missed it,” he added with a wink. I smiled shyly at everyone – I never liked to be the center of attention but there was something about their admiring glances that made me feel powerful. I had constantly fought to stay out of the spotlight but I was beginning to realize it wasn’t bad to feel admired – especially after being miserable for weeks. “I thought I could maybe escort you since Buck isn’t here?” Steve asked hesitantly.

“Sure Steve – that would be great. Tony, should we be going now?” I asked anxiously. As much as I was enjoying their attention I was really ready to get the show on the road.

“Yes!” Tony responded and just like that he herded us into the elevator with a swish of his hands.

We arrived at the hotel hosting the gala and were greeted with a barrage of handshakes and camera flashes. The way to the entrance seemed to stretch for an eternity as photographers shouted out commands for us to stop and pose. Steve was a calming presence beside me – we were both out of our element but I was glad that he had asked to escort me in the absence of Bucky.

I must have breathed an audible sigh of relief once we entered into the lobby, because Steve turned to me and grinned. “I feel like that sums up that experience quite nicely,” he chuckled.

“I think the flashes are permanently seared into my eyes,” I complained as I shrugged out of my coat and handed it to the waiting attendant. “Of course the press is going to have a field day – did you hear the one guy call me Captain America’s girlfriend? What the hell?” I shook my head. Steve chuckled and offered his arm to me as we walked into the ballroom.

Steve whistled as we took in the full effect of the party that stretched out before us. “Stark’s out done himself this time,” he muttered under his breath.

I had to laugh because he was right. Tony always found a way to make his parties bigger and grander than the last. A full orchestra and the ridiculously huge Christmas trees around the room seemed to to fit together in the perfect way. “Tony always knows how to throw a party,” I laughed as I shook my head.

“Well, shall we dance?” Steve raised an eyebrow in question. “You know if we don’t mingle and interact there will be hell to pay with Tony.”


I was pretty impressed that Steve was as good of a dancer as he was, and was actually really beginning to enjoy myself. As he turned me I stopped in my tracks – I saw a familiar back – the broad shoulders were shifting uncomfortably under the suit jacket as the man carried on a conversation with someone. He turned slowly towards me and before Steve grabbed my hand to spin me back to him my eyes met Bucky’s. My brain hadn’t even had time to process before Steve spun me again – this time letting go of me. Suddenly I was caught in Bucky’s embrace. He grinned at Steve as he grabbed my waist and brought me as close to him as he could. One hand remained on my lower back and the other held on to my hand tightly.

“Hey there, doll,” he whispered in my ear. My body felt like it was on high alert – his voice, his touch, his smell – after being apart for almost a month I wanted to pull him into a closet and have my way with him. “I hope you don’t mind if I cut in.” Every word he spoke dripped with seduction. I could feel the corner of his mouth twitch into a smile as it rested on the side of my head. This was a different side of Bucky I hadn’t experienced before – he was cocky and, if I was being honest, a damn good dancer. He may have been out of his element and uncomfortable, but he didn’t let on at all.

“Hi,” I answered meekly into his chest to which he laughed heartedly. I was having a hard time formulating words. All I could think about was the touch of his body against mine. I felt like I was holding a live wire and the rest of my body was tingling with electricity. I finally quelled enough of the feeling to get a grip on the real world, and peeked up at him. “You cut your hair… I like it.” His hair was slightly shorter and pushed back except for one part that fell forward into his face.

He laughed again. “You look beautiful tonight; did you know that?” he muttered into my ear.

“So I have heard,” I sighed back. With what I was thinking about – I was eternally grateful for Wanda’s urging me to buy something special to wear under my dress.

“I heard all about Captain America’s beautiful girlfriend when I got here and I just had to see for myself,” he added sarcastically. I looked up and opened my mouth to protest, but he just looked amused. “I’m kidding doll – you’re mine and I know it,” he growled playfully into my ear.

“Oh am I?” I asked playfully. I couldn’t help but think he was a little jealous, and after a month of being apart and worrying – I would by lying if I said I didn’t like it.

“Really,” he said seriously as he spun me. He pulled me back into him and kissed me hard— only breaking away to take a breath. He raised his eyebrows playfully as he bent down to kiss me again – biting my lip.

“We should um…leave…” I said breathlessly as he pulled away from me again. “Now.” I was afraid that I was going to combust if we didn’t.

“Let’s go,” he muttered as he hooked his arm in mine and led me towards the lobby. “I have a room – but first – let’s take advantage of Tony’s open bar,” he smirked as we walked towards it. “What do you want?” he asked as he let go of my arm – there was quite a crowd so I hung back out of the way.

“Gin Martini – dry,” I called back to him as he turned to fight his way to the bar.

As I was admiring him a voice broke my revelry.  “Thought you came here with Captain America? What are you, a super hero groupie?” the man asked cockily.

I turned around with my eyebrows raised to come face to face with the guy I had choked out at Tony’s last party. I just stared at him annoyed – I was trying my best to keep my temper in check because I didn’t want to detract from Tony’s event. Seeing that I wasn’t going to respond he continued, “But that guy really isn’t a hero is he? He’s a fucking murderer. Everyone thinks so… if my dad had had his way your buddy would have been dead a long time ago,” he sneered.

Bucky brushed up against me and I looked over at him. His eyes were steely, and his body was tense. “Y/N, is he bothering you?” he asked coolly. I could tell by his voice that he had heard everything the man had said.

“What are you going to do about it buddy? You gonna kill me too?” He had his mouth open to say more but was silenced by an audible crunch. In a completely blind rage I had punched him straight in the nose – breaking it immediately. His eyes watered as blood gushed from it.

“He won’t kill you – but I can’t say the same for myself. I’m sure you’ve heard enough about me from your daddy to know that’s true. Now why don’t you get the fuck out of here,” I said through gritted teeth. “Come on, Buck. Let’s go,” I added as I grabbed my drink from him. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Bucky’s expression was mix of astonishment, admiration, and humor. As we walked towards the lobby I downed my drink and placed the empty glass on a table as we passed. I grabbed Bucky by the hand and he followed me obligingly to the elevators. “What floor?” I asked calmly as we entered.

“Penthouse,” he replied. I hit the appropriate button and as soon as the doors closed he was on me. He pinned me to the wall of the elevator as he pressed himself against me. His hands groped at the clingy fabric of my dress as his mouth sought mine. He wasted no time letting me know what awaited me once we arrived at the penthouse. Finally, the elevator doors opened and he grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him. We made it as far as the hallway before he stopped and gently pushed me against the wall. “I can’t wait anymore,” he whispered as he kissed down my neck and pulled up the hem of my dress. As his hands explored my thighs they came across the lace of my lingerie. He paused momentarily with a wicked grin spreading across his face. “What’s this?”

“Something for you,” I replied breathlessly.

“Maybe I can wait a little longer” he muttered as he grabbed my hand and led me to the bedroom. Once we were there he pulled me into him and kissed down my neck and spine as he unzipped my dress. Before he could take it off I turned and pushed him playfully on the bed.

“You need to be patient,” I said coyly.

“It’s been a month doll – I’m not sure how much longer I can wait,” he answered darkly. He bit his bottom lip as he ran his hand through his hair. I tsk’ed at him as I slowly let my dress fall to the floor. He drew in a sharp breath as he drank me in. Slowly I crawled on top of him—pinning him to the bed. He leaned up to bring his mouth to mine – his hands flying erratically all over my body. I unbuttoned his shirt as quickly as I could – all the while my mouth keeping contact with his. Finally, I raised up and unbuttoned his pants. He graciously removed the rest of his clothes and flipped me on my back. His metal hand traced up and down my thigh teasingly as he kissed me. Suddenly I heard a rip and saw the black lace fabric that was once my underwear fly across the room. “I’ll buy you another,” he muttered as he kissed down my neck and my breasts. Suddenly he thrust himself into me causing me to cry out in surprise and pleasure. He groaned lowly as he moved back and forth. I dug my fingernails into his back as his thrusts brought me closer and closer to the edge. Finally, I wrapped my legs tightly around his hips and matched his movements causing us both to cry out as we each found our release. He rolled off of me and onto his back with an audible sigh. “Maybe we should wait for a month more often,” he laughed as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Or you can be here and we can do this every night,” I added coyly as I rested my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beat furiously and I had to smile. “I missed you,” I added as I wrapped my arms around him.

“I missed you too, doll,” he whispered as he kissed the top of my head and stroked my back. We fell into silence as our bodies began to relax. His breathing mixed with the rhythm of the strokes of his fingers made my eyes feel heavy. I closed them peacefully and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up feeling a little hazy – I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep, but Bucky was still awake and stroking my back. “Buck?” I asked shyly as I looked up at him.

“Yeah, doll?” He asked as he looked down at me.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you since you left…” I paused for a moment. If I said what I wanted to say there was no turning back on what we had. Our friendship swayed in the balance.

“What is it?” he asked curiously – a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“I love you,” I replied shyly as I nuzzled my face into his neck.

“You do?” he asked as he pulled back. His voice sounded surprised but his face had lit up like Christmas when I looked at him.

“Mhm,” I replied shyly. Suddenly he rolled me on my back – pinning me down. He was the happiest I had ever seen him and it made all anxiety I had about my revelation melt away.

“I love you too,” he replied and kissed me sweetly. After covering me with kisses he rolled over on his back and pulled me close to him. “Y/N?” he asked sweetly.

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Oh nothing…” he sounded embarrassed.

“What is it?” I asked as I raised myself up to look at him.

“I just… I think this is the happiest I have ever been,” he replied with a smile.

I snuggled closely to him and gave him a gentle squeeze. “Me too, Buck,” I added softly before drifting to sleep.

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My thoughts on the end...

It feels like writing a suicide letter…  and in a way I guess I am. I’ve always found melancholy an easy emotion. It is harder to be happy. But I once promised a friend that I would try and stay happy… so I’m treating this as a Requiem.

When I was 19 I made the decision that I wanted to travel the world and play music and collect stories. Given I had never even touched a guitar at this point it was a fairly ridiculous decision. I didn’t feel like a proper human being so I decided to embrace that. I decided to embrace the fact I was an outsider and rolled the dice.

10 years later I have done things I never dreamt were possible (which for a hopeless dreamer is saying a lot). To anyone reading this who might be considering the same, I would say expect the following: Blood, sweat, tears. Poverty that only seems romantic in retrospect. Squalor more than love. Disappointment. Frustration. Hunger (but you have to be hungry!)

Expect nothing but appreciate everything. Be prepared to go all in otherwise there’s no point. Doing this life by half will leave you half deranged (and maybe half in love if you’re lucky). One of my favourite quotes is by Hunter S. Thompson. It sums my experiences up well:

“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.”

I have a new idea now. It’s even more ridiculous than starting a band, but as that idea worked out pretty well I can’t help but feel I should give it my all. I’ll be posting updates soon.

And I’ve got no regrets. No matter what I’ve said, I wouldn’t change a thing. But I guess it would be quite nice if I could do it all again… you know I was happy then.

So now, I happily put the gun to my head. I couldn’t be me more proud. One day, when I’m old, I’ll remember it all.

Sum up your OC in a 4 song playlist - Christine Trevelyan!

Thank you @nevertrustamage for tagging me! :)

1. Bethlehem by Declan McKenna

There are a couple of lyrics in this song which pretty much sum up Christine’s attitude:

“You sin as you wish.” Christine isn’t the biggest fan of the Chantry, being a mage, and she feels like the Chantry’s mistreatment of mages goes unnoticed and uncared for. People don’t see what happens in the Circle towers, and the Chantry wants to keep it that way, however Christine does not.

“I hope and pray for love to reign.” Thedas needs more love. There’s too much hate. Be nice.

2. Dumb Stuff by LANY

The first line sums up Christine when she realised she was in love with Josie :)

“Oh my god, I think I’m in love.” Pretty self explanatory but Christine is quite oblivious to her own romantic feelings because she spent so long trapped in the Circle trying to escape and learn cool spells.

3. Le Velo Pour Deux by The Brobecks

“ And it would be fine, to spend my whole life with you.” <3

4. Vegas Lights by Panic! At The Disco

“The lies and affectations.” Pretty much how Christine felt at Halamshiral. 

i forgot to tag oops but i tag anyone who wants to do this! :) 

To sum up:

I can quit my job in a month, soonest

I hate what that place is turning me back into

Nazis are the third largest party in Germany

Fucking Germany, one country I expected better

I miss my cats and that means going to watch cats on yt is gonna make me cry, not feel better like it used to

I’m surrounded by bigots at work

Vocal bigots!

And I feel pressure to play nice and smile when really I just wanna strangle them all

Did I mention I’m reverting into an emotional punching bag? It’s frustrating!

And I cant make bulletpoints on mobile.



tell me something nice.

I need some good news.

did you pet your dog? buy a cute pillow?


I had a really bad day yesterday and was feeling quite sad, so I decided to go on a bike ride through the countryside. I got some ferns and daisies (I try to pick the most common plants so my impact on nature is less harmful), enjoyed the sunset and the wind and made friends with a lovely old man who was walking a dog and told me it’s nice to see I care about flowers because no one pays attention to them these days. To sum up, you can find magic even on the ugliest day (and if you don’t, that’s ok too)



Grayers F/W 14

Grayers is another one of my favorite brands spotted at last week’s PROJECT NYC men’s tradeshow. With one walkthrough of their F/W14 collection it became apparently clear why - casual wardrobe staples that every guys needs with an updated traditional style that make the clothes feel very familiar but still very current. 

I got the chance to speak with head designer of the collection, Kenny Thomas, who has history as a designer with Ralph Lauren, and he quite nicely summed up his approach to the design as “rooted in rewriting the classics.” A great deal of work goes into the making of each piece right down to the fabric choice. Kenny explains the process of scouring the country for vintage prints and fabrics and then recreating them ever so carefully so as to get each fabric perfectly imperfect just like the original.

The images above are from the brand’s Fall/Winter 2014 lookbook. Aside from the effortless layering and beautiful patterns, it’s clear that the brand, like it’s team, is keen on having fun! Shadow puppets and goofy faces? YES, please! It’s refreshing to see a brand that’s having fun with fashion and after all, if you’ve been an avid Closet Freaks reader, you’ll know I like to keep things playful!

For more info on Grayers check out their website here and stay tuned to see I look I styled from some of my favorite pieces of the new collection coming up on the blog later today.

For more PROJECT NYC coverage don’t forget to check me out on Twitter and Instagram below and stay tuned for more coverage as I head to Vegas Feb 18-20th.


anonymous asked:

opinion: chanyeol deserves a solo more than any of the others 'cause you can see how much passion he has & how important music is for him. he's also the only one who creates his own stuff already; not only the lyrics/rap but also the music itself. he's so desperate for a solo but sm just treats him like shit ugh

strongly agree YES I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOREVER  I AGREE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SOUL | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Yes, Chen has amazing vocals (rock album plz) and Kyungsoo has that chocolaty smooth voice and Baekhyun has that sweet quality and I want them to get solos too BUT CHANYEOL PARK FREAKING CHANYEOL, HE IS SO PASSIONATE ABOUT MUSIC, he spends his off days and spare hours in a tight schedule in his studio composing and experimenting with his instruments and thinking up lyrics and recording and editing and making his own covers for his songs and mulling over them and perfecting them and he has SO MANY. 

Like SM does’t even need to spend any money or bring anyone else in IT’S ALL THERE IN ONE PACKAGE he has the vocals (his voice makes me melt and curl up on the floor and cry) and the rapping (lately he’s been trying out other styles which some ppl might not like but hes experimenting he’s seeing what works and you can’t say he’s a bad rapper honestly i love his low, deep rapping, it sends shivers down my spine and especially when he gets emotional like in promise or baby dont cry oh my heart…) and the instrumental (how many instruments can this boy play? I’ve lost count), the composing (so far he’s told us that everything he’s showing us is just practice, just some fun he does and even with that he’s shown us some legit jams imagine what he could do in an actual album) and the lyrics (the lyrics for the rap in promise anyone? lightsaber? the songs in his v app about feeling alone, about not wanting to continue, damn they’re deep and worded nicely they work gdi stop judging him off one lame diss perf ).

 WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT. THEY’RE NOT EVEN PAYING HIM TO DO THIS BUT HE STILL HAS PROBABLY 4568687867 SONGS SAVED THAT WE’LL NEVER GET TO HEAR LIKE SM DON’T YOU LIKE MONEY? THIS BOY IS IT HE’S A GOLD MINE. He has the talents and he has the fanbase and public recognition.Consistently in the top 3 exo members popularity results in almost all countries, MORE THAN ONE THIRD of the exo album sales from Baidu Bar, #9 in the annual Gallup Korea Poll 2015 after Yoona and before Suzy with 5.1%, right after Gdragon and Taeyeon for most followed kpop star on SNS with more than 6 million followers, his appearances on variety shows break rating records and crash sites (ex. that time the site for the show 18 Seconds crashed bc too many ppl were trying to watch his video or his latest Chinese appearance on Grade One which resulted in the highest rating for any episode on that show ever) plus he has so many social connections with well known celebrities everyone loves him THERE IS NO REASON WHY HE SHOULDN’T BE THE FIRST EXO SOLO. 

Like if you still doubt me, go watch

Ever since this video, I’ve been convinced and here’s a comment from there that perfectly sums up my feelings: 

“Chanyeol is definitely the most well rounded member of EXO. He’s easily the most skilled rapper under SM; and not only does he rap, but vocally, his tone is steady, he’s quite skilled at providing ad-libs, is able to harmonize, and he has good control. He composes, writes, and arranges songs, and is able to play the guitar, the drums, and the piano. Chanyeol’s visual honestly isn’t anything to over look either. Plus, he’s good at variety and has a nice stage persona. If anyone in EXO is going to go solo later on, it should be him.“