Which Book of Mormon figures do you think would give the best and worst conference talks?
- King Benjamin: knocks it out of the park with his theology of love and community. makes everyone feel like they can do a little better.
- Nephi ben Lehi (adult): the “scriptorian” of the group, he has actually taken the time to study out and develop his own theology based on everything he has read.
- Abinadi: lacks so much tact that it leans the other way into being seen as charming a la Bernie Sanders.
- Samuel the Lamanite: mixes really harsh-but-true callouts with hopeful future visions of Zion that really hits the right spot for most everyone. unusually good at memes.
- Alma the Younger: his edgy past improves his credibility and he uses it to great effect in developing a theology of personal atonement. you feel like you know him from his anecdotes and insights.
- Amulek: the good kind of folksy. can make ideas that are really very new and radical sound cozy and familiar which means that a lot of different members who don’t agree on much of anything end up agreeing on his talks.
- Abish: since she grew up in a part-member home in an area where the Church was barely established she brings a fresh perspective every time she talks and makes sure to include everyone in her audience. very Chieko Okazaki in tone.
- Nephi ben Lehi (teen): is really snot-nosed and holier-than-thou which leads to a lot of prescriptive and heavy-handed doctrine without any authority to back it up.
- Mormon: would write something overly moralistic and obvious where you knew the point he was trying to make from the start of the talk but he would still take eight minutes to even get to the point.
- Moroni ben Mormon: visibly uncomfortable speaking in public, he is not enjoying this and you are not enjoying this.
- Jacob ben Lehi: feels like its his job to tell people to stop sinning and low-key resents that he feels like it is his job while everyone else gets to talk about good/happy stuff, which shows in how dry his material is.
- Ammon: his first talk was a very good sermon about the power of missionary work, albeit told with an over-enthusiasm that veered into the uncanny valley. every other talk he has ever delivered is somehow a version of that first one.
- Lehi: you want to grade him on a curve because when he’s good he’s Really Good, but most of the time his talks just come off as overlong and ramble-prone.
- Captain Moroni: all the bros say he was their favorite speaker every conference because “those lists he makes with the attributes to develop really help me know where to focus my spiritual training” and as long as it keeps them active you guess that sort of rhetoric has its place, but Moroni is just so clearly a better leader and tactician than he is a speaker which is probably why all his talks follow the same format.
- Nephi ben Helaman: yes, he’s a good and charismatic speaker, sure, but is it worth turning general conference into a murder investigation again? no.