I really hate making posts like this...
So, things have not been very good around here. My mom was re-admitted into the hospital around 4:30 am Thursday morning (May 18th) . She complained of shortness of breath and upon checking her oxygen level with her pulse oximeter, it showed she was satting at about 57%. Needless to say, the average human being should be in the 90% range.
I was forced to call 911 and in a stuttering, terrified moment of clarity I started to cry and begged them to hurry and help my mom. They arrived so quickly that I was barely calming myself when they came rushing up the stairs. It’s a shit local hospital, but I’ll give them credit when it comes to brevity.
I’m really scared guys. I’m really, really scared because I don’t think her little body has much fight left and I’m 100% sure that I can’t live without her in this world. And honestly, I’m not even sure why I’m posting this. Maybe to just get all the fear out and let my feelings be expressed. Maybe to just keep you guys up to date with what’s happening in my life. I don’t really know. But yeah.
I think my mom is dying and I can’t see her face right now because she’s 100s of miles away and I’m just very much not okay. I’m not okay in any sense of the word. I don’t expect any notes on this post, or any acknowledgement of what I’m going through. I’ve learned over the years that just because my world is slowly imploding and coming to an end, it doesn’t mean anyone else’s is.
The sad truth of the matter is, if my mom dies the world will keep spinning. People will continue to live and be happy because in the grand scheme of things I matter very little to anyone other than her.
I’m just worried and scared and I can’t stop worrying. I need some sort of distraction. Anything. I don’t care what it is. If you have fic recs or if you wrote something new. If you want to talk about anything other than life, please send it my way, please talk to me. Because I’m slowly going out of my damn mind.