this show is going to be bad for my ovaries

My kid does 13K in damage to studio equip, we handle it like lunatics.

[Part 1]

Some background:

I’m an audio engineer and score arranger full time in my self-owned business. It’s how I provide for myself, my fiancée (also CF), and my mother. I record, mix, and master for bands, voice-overs for local commercials, and write music for people’s weddings, college films, indie games, etc.. It was my passion since I was a child and every day I ask myself why I get paid to do what I do.

You know, until today.

I had a woman schedule to come in because she wanted me to record her monologue for an acting class. I thought it was going to be easy enough. I set up a mic and a music stand in the sound booth and got my workstation prepped for tracking. She was supposed to show up at 3:30, so when 4:00 came around, I called her to ask her if she was still coming. It was my last contract for the day and I was wanting to get home to my fiancée, dogs, and dinner.

“Oh, sorry sweetie, I’m going to be there soon. I just had to get my son from ex-boyfriend.”

Uh oh.

4:12, she showed up with her child.

To preface, I’ve never really wanted kids, and don’t really hate them either. But I’ve been childfree of mind for a decade now in league of several bad child experiences in public.

Anyway, I sat her down at the conference table and tried to talk to her about the contract and billing, etc., and just couldn’t because of the six-years-old pile of ovary droppings next to her.

“Mommy it’s cold in here.” “Mommy, I’m bored.” “Mommy, that guy has girl hair.” “Mommy, I want to play on the phone.”

The incessant whining went on for the entirety of the discussion. She did nothing about it. I had an ache in my stomach that this might be a rough session.

I was right.

I showed her to the sound booth, positioned the mic at face level, told her the basics of mic use, and then she floored me with a question.

“Can my son stay in there with you while I do this?” I insisted that he wait in the conference room (across the hall from the control room) because the control room wasn’t a very kid-friendly place considering the 120K of equipment at arms reach.

“But he’s a little angel.”

I shouldn’t have taken her word for it. I SHOULD NOT have taken her word for it. This kid was ANYTHING but. I let him in, told him to sit in one of the office chairs and don’t touch anything. Needless to say, he touched. I queued the recording arm and signaled her to start. She got three lines into her take before I hear a deafening screech and crash.

That little shit machine had just knocked over a $4,000 Korg into a rack with $9,500 of equipment. Completely shattered the touchscreen on the Korg, busted the dials off of half of the effects, and totaled my distressor that I use for almost all the vocals I track.

All of this, by the way, was the room’s length apart from where I told the crotch goblin to stay.

The kid, because of the loud noise, started full-lung screaming. Not crying. Not yelling. Screaming.

The mother, with no hesitation, ran over to the control room and DEMANDED to know what I did to her child. She cussed at me and accused me of hurting her little snot monster. Threatened to sue and even swung at me. When I told her that her precious angel had just racked up at least twelve grand of damages, she said “good”, spit on me, then stormed out, slamming every door on the way. So I pulled the security camera footage and had filed a police report. Grand total: $13,504.25. I also mailed her the bill for her session for good measure.

Of six years in the studio, this is my only truly terrible experience. Fuck mombies. Fuck having children. Thanks for making my vasectomy decision that much easier on me.

[Part 2]

Keep reading

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This is the first show where everyone can see my whole outfit. I’m so blessed and so grateful. I just had my period but I’m so happy my period had started and my ovaries…that I can just start producing again, that’s how happy I am. Anyway, back to my outfit. This whole album cycle, every time we get to the venue, I’m like, ugh, no one is going to see how I got my pants tapered at the tailor and got these great boots, and they were expensive, like, wait until everyone sees me. Then it’s basically my face and bad lighting. Probably should have saved the money on the boots and bought low-tops.

Bonus:

My uterus and the chances of a premature birth

I thought it would be easier to write a post to go into detail about my condition and my chances of carrying Lucas full term as I’ve had a few anonymous messages and questions asked :)

When I was sixteen i had an MRI scan and it showed up i only had the one kidney. I have a kidney on the right side the size of two, it’s so big that it isn’t covered by my ribcage properly. There is a suspected chance i have polycystic kidney disease, as i used to have 6 cysts on my kidney but now i have 1, they think it was a misdiagnosis and there was never 6 cysts. This made me extremely worried about Lucas’ health and his chances of having the condition and the chances of having one kidney, As it shows he has 2 and the no cysts can be seen at present and they wont be testing him for it after birth, unless he shows signs of having the condition.

Back in july i had CT scan to check my kidney function and it showed up on the scan results in august that it looked as if I was missing a ovary, fallopian tube and half of my uterus. They were not sure 100% and i was being put forward for gynaecologists for further investigation and told our chances of conceiving were very slim, it wasn’t a never but wasn’t going to be easy really.

In october I found out we were expecting and was extremely shocked and happy. At 5 weeks, i had some bad stomach cramps and was taken straight to A&E and then moved over to the princess anne as they thought i could be having an eptopic pregnancy, We were terrified and thought it was all over. 
I was seen by the early pregnancy and had a scan and told there was yolk sac in the uterus and they would look into doing a 4d internal scan to check the shape of my uterus, within 10 minutes of this they made the decision to find out there and then and it showed up a banana shaped uterus, one fallopian tube and one ovary. They told me the chances of miscarriage were higher, the chances of late miscarriage were a possibility and the chance if i made it that i could have a c-section, but as the uterus stretches they couldn’t predict how it would go. I was happy my embryo had planted itself in the right place but was it going to stay there, was i going to have a baby, what if i can never carry a baby. It was scary and they didn’t seem to give a lot of clear answers. 
I was monitored by the early pregnancy unit every 2 weeks until i reached 11 weeks and was discharged as everything was progressing well.
I had the 12 week scan and everything was well, we payed for a 4d gender scan at 16 weeks and she said she couldn’t tell i had half a uterus and that he looked brilliant then and at the 20 week scan everything also showed well.
Then were here today 24 weeks, I never thought i would make it this far. I never thought i would have this baby and the fact we’ve made it this far is my proudest achievement. I always kept it quite quiet from everyone how scared i really was and to have made it to a stage where i can have him and he could survive out of the womb is amazing. We also have a superb neonatal intensive care unit at the princess anne. So his chances of survival are even higher than a hospital without the NICU facility. 
He seems to be growing so well and coping amazingly well and I just pray he stays put as the longer he stays in my uterus the better his chances are and the healthier and stronger he gets.

My chances of premature birth is still high as a unicornate uterus is like carrying twins or triplets but with only one baby. He has half the space as a normal uterus would usually have. There is still a possibility i can make it full term, ladies go full term with twins and ladies also carrying 13lb babies full term. I just have to carry one baby and pray my uterus is like my kidney, the size of a normal uterus just a odd size. I think he will come at 34weeks, the most common week for twins to be born. 
There is also the chance of a c-section because he cannot turn around because of the less room to do so but obviously i cannot rule out a natural birth as we cannot tell how the uterus is stretching and if he can turn. It’s just a case of checking his growth and if his growth slows down then they will need to either induce or schedule a c-section in either emergency or in a week or so. it all depends how much his growth slows down, if it slows down at all.

Unfortunately we will not know how well it will cope and whether i will be lucky enough for a natural birth or if he will make it full term or be early. We just have to be positive, patient and be prepared for an early delivery and get his cot and everything set up early to make sure really. 

Thats my story, I will delete the anonymous question, just because i’m repeating myself.