this show has ruined me emotionally and i am okay with that

Re: Maladaptive Daydreaming

My grades dropped in Math class when I was in high school because of maladaptive daydreaming. It got to the point where I had no idea what was going on in my math classes because I spent the entire class daydreaming every single day. The stress of not understanding the content caused me to daydream even more. 

I rarely did my homework because of 1) I didn’t know there was homework because I wasn’t mentally present in class and/or 2) I was so busy with my daydreaming that I didn’t have time to do my work. I have been a chronic procrastinator to the point of pushing myself to having full on panic attacks for skipping major assignments because of maladaptive daydreaming. 

My parents have always had a violent and emotionally abusive relationship, and when I was younger I used to listen to music at a high volume so as to block out their arguments and I would close my eyes and develop stories to every single song I listened to, sometimes repeating the song over and over and over and over and over and over until I got the story right

Hours. It would literally be daylight when it started and it would be midnight by the time I finished, only going to bed after I noticed that I had fallen asleep in the rocking chair. I used already existing characters in the cartoons I watched Saturday mornings, and I would invent my own. Sometimes I used to daydream up better parental figures which made me feel immensely guilty. 

I interacted with these stories in my head. I would pace. I would make facial expressions. I could feel what they felt. I would feel happy when these characters were happy. I felt sick when they were sick. I would stay up all night thinking about what would happen to them, because that was something in my control. My own life was not – at least not to the degree I wanted it to be.

I could be having a full conversation with someone on autopilot, and my mind will actually be in these stories that no one really knows about but me. It’s not out of boredom. It’s not because I don’t care what the other person is saying. It’s because I have used it to cope for so long that I am not longer able to disengage with it unless I put in an extreme amount of effort. 

I destroyed my ears, by the way. It takes me a long time to process what people are saying to me because I can’t easily pick up on what they’re saying. When I am listening to people, it often sounds muffled. Like, I’m not receiving things on at a full signal. The combination of my constant “I am not actually present”-ness and the ringing in my ears, makes it impossible to understand people at times.

I have chosen to stay home daydreaming than be with friends. I have skipped what could have been meaningful events in my life because of it. When I ask what just happened in a show or movie because I wasn’t mentally there when I happened, I get people looking at me weird because I didn’t hear or see what they considered to be obvious. I can’t concentrate like others can. 

I still daydream all the time. I don’t remember half the time how I got home because I operate on auto pilot, while my mind wanders off to daydream. It’s scary when there are holes in your memory, when you can’t tell what day it is, when you keep missing important events, when you lose friends, etc. because all you damn do is daydream.

And You Can’t Stop. What makes it maladaptive is that you use it to cope, and it takes over your life. What makes it maladaptive is that it interferes with your ability to live and make a life for yourself. What makes it maladaptive is that it causes interpersonal problems. It may help you with something, but it overall ruins your life in the process. 

Zoning out when you’re bored to think about things that interest you are not the same thing. Wishing your life was better or more glamorous and imagining yourself in a better situation is not the same thing. It is called maladaptive daydreaming for a reason. Please learn more about it before you decide you experience it, because it may not be the same thing. 

anonymous asked:

Jimon prompt: "Run away with me."


Notes: This turned into 2500 words of I don’t even know what even….

From This List


~*~


It’s taken a lot of malling over and really intensive hand on action—You know like Simon sweeping slick fingers over Jace’s insane six pack, and caressing his perfectly rounded ass for minutes on end—like seriously what even? Does angel blood like automatically ensure that you’re otherworldly gorgeous or something? Because totally unfair for Simon and all the other lowly mortals—But any how, all  of that hard work has lead to Simon coming to the conclusion that Jace is most definitely the secret love child of James Dean—with that slicked back hair and his leather jacket that moves his shoulders just right—and Captain America himself, you know cause he’s constantly permeating  superhero cockiness and has these eyes that fucking glide over Simon with a hunger that makes Simon’s skin prickle. Jace  looks at him as if they were in the same league, hell like they were even playing the same sport.  As if Jace was not in the baseball majors while Simon was warming the benches for some random ass curling team—Hell do curling teams  even have enough people to warrant  benches? And does New York even have a curling division, because no way in hell is Simon moving. He’s just got on good footing with Raphael’s clan, and has a sweet crib with Magnus—even if Simon suspects Magnus would really appreciate the sudden increase of privacy  so to be as loud as he’d like with Alec—who’s surprisingly—

No, wait! Hold up!  Simon is totally getting off track.

The point is that Jace looks like half leather bound bad boy and every kid’s envision of a superhero—While simultaneously being a secret dork who loves comics almost as much as Simon, and is super obsessed with counting his calories and having a minimal of three hours cardio every day. (Which actually ends up being quite fun since he’s begrudgingly conceded that Simon’s form of exercise  would just have to do.)

Speaking of…

“I’m…gonna…be late,” Jace pants out, punctuating each breathless word with another kiss along Simon’s collar bone.

“Hmmm, c’mon dude—ooo,” Simon let’s out a little moan when Jace bites down—a teasing nibble. “Since when are you ever punctual?””

“Since before I ever made the grave decision to get involved with such a bad influence,” Jace nearly growls out—never unlatching his lips from Simon’s jawline.

“Hey goldilocks, I’m not making you do anything,” Simon needles, raising his hands placatingly, A far too innocent  smile swept over his face as if he did not just cant his hips upwards so their denim clad erections buck up  against each other.

“You’re a menace,” Jace groans out, collapsing his head onto Simon’s shoulder, making him laugh as he cards a hand through Jace’s hair.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. And  your the guy who’s parabatai is leading this whole meeting thing, so What’s the big deal if you’re just a little late because you’re totally getting some from your mega hot vampire boyfriend!”

At that, Jace stiffens, just slightly—a sudden tautness stranding the once easy ambience that has begun to surround them ever since they admitted their pitifully hidden feelings for one another after a particularly nasty battle against Sebastian and his demonic minions.

It’s been at least a month, but Simon swears that he can still taste the snow flakes that cascaded across Jace’s irresistibly scarlet lips, and can still feel the way everything just clicked into focus after Simon just finally told him that if Jace had gotten hurt in any serious way Simon wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Never being one to pass up a grand gesture, Jace promptly  just crashed their lips together in a cacophony of teeth and tongue and spit. It was messy and startling and awkward before they finally adjusted themselves into a more comfortable position—one where Jace’s nose wasn’t stabbing against Simon’s eye, or his arms weren’t trapped between their ribcages. But even if he had the chance,  Simon wouldn’t change the moment in  the slightest—even if he’s pretty sure they both would’ve gotten frost bite  if they were not a vampire and part angel respectively—Because it  was all them, all their hesitated words and nervous mutterings finally culminated into something worth a million lifetimes.

“I should go,” Is all Jace manages out while tugging on the combat boots that Simon had abashedly presented to him as a Hanukkamass gift. (What can he say, even his devoutly jewish grandfather loved him his reindeer cookies and Christmas trees as much as he did his dreidel  and retellings of the eight plagues—combining the two holidays was the only plausible option.)

“Ah, okay…” Simon sits up so to slide in-between Jace and the wall of his  sparsely embellished room. (Simon would reason that all Shadowhunters are minimalist in their decorating prowls  if he did not know that Izzy owned three different types of fairy lights that she draped up with gusto, depending on the major holiday of that season.) “So you’re allowed to be a cocky shit, but the second that I call myself sexy you get all broody—“

Jace’s brows shoot up in flabbergasted shock.

“What! Simon! NO no nO!” Jace wobbles out as he whips his head to meet Simon’s gaze straight on—And yeah, Simon may or may not be so totally amused at how much of a scared puppy he looks right now.

“Bro, I know! Chill,” Simon all but guffaws, very nearly keeling over and toppling off of Jace’s bed.

His lips twist up in annoyance. “I’m not your bro,” he scoffs, moving to tug on his T-shirt and jacket.

“NO, no you most definitely are not,” Simon amends, a far too fond smile tilting the corners of his lips. And he’s sure that his eyes are doing that dazed, adoring thing that they only get when around Jace—But he doesn’t even mind how sappy that is. “You are my adorably flustered boyfriend, who I thought agreed to move past the monosyllabic sentences.”

“Simon, just because I’m not prone to speaking essay length diatribes about whatever injustice I’m feeling is particularly bad that day—like you—Doesn’t mean I only speak one word at a time.”

“Kay, first of all point, even though my essay long diatribes so totally make your days a million times brighter.”

“Never said they didn’t.”

Simon can’t help his preening at that. “Yeah, well no matter how precious your little admission is—that doesn’t help you skirt around the second point. You are not as wily as you’d like to think Lightwood.”

“And what’s that second point Simon?”

“That we agreed to not keep secrets after that whole fairy incident—“

“Yeah, well I would’ve liked some warning before seeing that prick rub himself all over you right in front of me,” Jace mutters darkly—his eyes getting steely, the way they always do whenever Simon or one of their friends bring up that total mess of a mission to poke fun at how jealous the great and mighty sex god Jace Lightwood could get.

“Bro, we weren’t even dating—We just agreed to be friends after we agreed how immature that pissing match over Clary was. You totally had no right to curl up behind me and pretend that I was already taken.”

“I have no regrets, that fay was a total sleaze ball, and again. I most definitely am not your bro.”

Simon has half a mind to bring up that Jace was kinda a sleaze ball at that time too—Okay, well not really. Just a big, emotionally inept dork who had no idea how to tell Simon that he was totally hot for him. Simon’s pretty sure that Maia still thinks that Jace is that guy he postured around pretending he is, but Simon knows better. Jace is a big marshmallow who had a really shitty father who practically taught him from birth that loving anyone was signing your death warrant. Honestly, Simon is shocked that they’ve gotten this far in what’s objectively a pretty short amount of time. Whenever Simon brings up this little observation to Jace, he just continues on tracing the love rune onto Simon’s shoulder (And yeah, Simon so totally knows it’s the love rune but still hasn’t admitted to Jace that he memorized the rune book like the first week that Valentine was arrested and they actually had a moment to breathe.) and tucks his head a little deeper into the crook of Simon’s neck and shoulder.

“You’re you,” he would cautiously admit into the depth of the night—a pink tint touching the tops of his impossible cheekbones, and his heartbeat fluttering about a million times faster, Making Simon’s insides feel like  molten lava.

“Okay, we’ll return to that particular argument later on, you know after you tell me what’s really  bothering you.”

Simon almost expects Jace to just mutter out an “I’m fine,” and swagger away, leaving the sent of his blue Calvin Klein and about a million more questions in his wake. But he doesn’t storm off. Instead, he collapses back onto the duvet besides Simon—resting his head against the wall, and looking up at him from underneath his spider leg lashes.

“I’m scared that you’ll think I’m insane or warped.”

At that, Simon practically flails around so to sprawl himself half over Jace, and locks their hands together—squeezing them so he knows that Simon is right there. “That’s impossible Jace, Nothing you could say could make me think that.” When  it looks like his resolve is wavering, Simon just squeezes harder. “I’m not going anywhere.” It’s as close to an “I love you,” that either of them have ever gotten with each other—both to terrified that if they move to hard and fast with what they have, karma or providence or whatever shit show that’s been fucking up their lives so immensely will catch wind and ruin all they’ve built. So they never say it—Just reminding the other that he’s there, and he’ll never leave.

I—I’ve been having these dreams,” Jace admits, puncturing the precarious hush that has hugged around them—a stillness that once unnerved Simon, until he found that his center felt a lot more balanced whenever he was tangled into Jace’s embrace.

“Dreams?” Simon prods, gently—knowing all too well how difficult this is for the ordinarily stoic and ever proud Lightwood to do—allowing himself to admit acknowledge his weaknesses to anyone, let alone the one person who could probably destroy him without effort.

“About Valentine, and Sebastian. About my childhood I guess…The thing is it wasn’t all bad all the time. He was the only father that I knew—A father who made me spaghetti, and gave me my first Seraph Blade and read me bed time stories-“

“Yeah, stories about love being the worst type of cancer, and how killing makes you strong. Oh! And let’s not forget his stance on corporal  punishment and-“

“Simon,” Jace’s laugh is something light and soothing, a beautiful sound that is far too amused by how heated Simon is getting over the thought of anyone hurting Jace—especially a little ten year old version of him who couldn’t wait to be best friends with a falcon until his chickenshit of a father snapped it’s neck right in front of him.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to get diluted into thinking that man isn’t a complete monster.”

His lips turn up into a small, almost sad smile. “Trust me Simon, I know—It’s just weird. I mean all this time he’s had another son he hid away from me. I just wonder sometimes if I knew, if I found him while training in the woods or something…Maybe Sebastian could’ve turned out different, you know? Maybe we could’ve escaped somehow? Or he could’ve moved in with the Lightwoods with me and he’d be on our side.”

Oh, and there it is.

Right when Simon thought he’s got Jace all figured out, the dude decides to throw him a total curve ball, showing just how compassionate and good he truly is.

“A dumb thought, yeah?”

“Hey, no shut your mouth. This is not my “Jace has a dumb thought,” face, I have that when you don’t think I could totally rock leather pants.”

“I just said that wasn’t you’re style, not that I wouldn’t thoroughly enjoy the view.”

Simon hurdles on as if Jace hadn’t spoken. “This my far too open hearted boyfriend is my besotted face.”

Jace blushes.

“It just sucks, the thought of what could’ve been. I or Clary even—We could’ve had an actual  brother, and he could’ve been human and happy and normal—I just feel guilty, and sad and I hate Valentine so much for all the ways he ravaged everything that ever got in his way.”

His voice tapers off to something quieter and more contemplative, like he’s lost himself in his own idealistic prospects of some sort of elusive life that they’ll never know.

Gingerly, Simon cups a hand over his cheek, and presses a feather light kiss onto his lips. A reminder over anything else.

“Runaway with me,” he mouths against him, causing a small, beautifully delighted peal of laughter to pour from him.

“And where do you think we’d go Simon?” Tendrils of warmth curl around Simon’s stomach at the sound of Jace sting his name like that—like something precious and fragile and so so  vital—like a prayer.

“I don’t care, just anywhere with you—And preferably wifi if that’s an option,” he rectifies after a thought.

“You’re insane,” Jace chuckles ruefully.

“And there’s nothing you could’ve done. Valentine kept you guys apart for a reason Jace.”

“And what’s that?” HE challenges with hiked brows.

“Because he knows that you are good, and was afraid that you would’ve inspired even someone infected with demonic poison to be better. Cause that’s what you do Jace, you make us all want to be better and stronger and inspire us that we can do it. That we can be like you.”

The kiss Jace gives him right then is something this edge of desperate and amazing.

“No matter what—I’m pretty sure that we would’v ended up here—in this bed…doing this over and over again.”

“Yeah-Yeah, I bet you say that to all your bedfellows.” Simon teases, but kissing back with as much fervor.

“NO, just you. always you.”

And yeah that is so totally sappy but Simon doesn’t mind, because he feels the same.

~*~

Good thing Alec is Jace’s parabatai, because he never does end up getting to that meeting.

And they do end up running away together—It’s just for a weekend at some winery upstate that Rebecca told Simon about. But it was probably the funnest get away in Simon’s life—Even if Magnus, and Alec, and Clary, and Izzy all end up crashing it half way through.


Notes: Thank you so much for the prompt <3 

Please go ahead and shoot me one if you’re interested 😁

Richonne Party 7x12

Tuesday: Favorite Richonne Moment(s)

I broke mine down into three parts… don’t hate me.  I couldn’t help it.  After all, I am complete trash.

PRE CANON - 5x16 “Conquer”

I LOVE THIS MOMENT.  Though very small and minuscule compared to all of their other powerful and emotionally beautiful moments.  BUT I LOVE THIS Y’ALL.  It says so much.  To me, at least.  It shows Rick’s humility.  He’s being apologetic.  Which are two words I wouldn’t necessarily use to describe him lol.  But they DO describe him whenever he’s around Michonne.  This was HUGE for him.  Huge.  Handing over a gun?? By choice?? Rick?? But he is! And he does! To Michonne.  There aren’t many people he’d be vulnerable enough to surrender to… And what I love the most, is when she lets him keep it.  She knows and understands what must be done.  She trusts him.  She loves him.

CANON - 6x10 “The Next World”

Okay so we ALL know this moment.  It changed/ruined our entire lives I’m pretty sure.  But allow me to express how much I love their individual moments of absolute joy.  In the first gif, Michonne has her moment.  You can see it on her face. She has stood beside this man for ages; through hell and more.  And in the process, has fallen in love with him.  And finally, they share this happy and long awaited moment. Now the second one… y’all, it made me burst into tears.  Not tears of “FANGIRL SHIPPING FEELS”… No, I cried because of a much deeper reason.  Andrew Lincoln’s face.  Rick’s genuine smile.  This man has been through the RINGER.  Well, everyone has obviously– it’s the apocalypse, but his sorrows go to a different level somehow.  To me, at least.  And finally… it’s almost as if despite everything, it was all worth it.  Because he has her and she has him.

POST CANON - 6x11 “Knots Untie” 

AAAHHHHH! I’M STILL NOT OVER THIS MOMENT.  STILL.  After a year!  It’s ironic, my third and possibly favoritest Richonne moment goes to my baby boy, Carl.  After all, he is the whole reason Rick brought Michonne into the prison in the first place.  Carl is the reason, she became one of them.  He initiated this ship.  Carl did!  He’s the Captain.  And I love how Rick saw it as a priority to tell him about his recent relationship with Michonne.  “This is different” Rick assures him.  THIS IS DIFFERENT HE SAYS.  And then… this perfect and cheeky boy responds in the best and most appropriate way: “It’s cool.”  With a similar smile, Rick and Michonne shared the night before.  #GrimesFam2.0

Why 13 Reasons Why Is More Than Just Another Show

I cannot begin to explain why I am overjoyed over the fact that 13 Reasons Why was made into a television series. I have been posting about it quite a bit since it was released on Friday and I have a reason for that. 

The book was released in 2007, when I was in sixth grade and my only friends were books. I am not exaggerating, in fact I have a trophy for getting seventh place in most AR points that year. However, that is not the point. I came across this book right before I started seventh grade and it was the first book that in some way explained what I was feeling. I did not understand what depression was or that it could be a permanent problem in someone’s life, so at a crucial point in middle school, after I had found self-harming to be my release from pain, I found this book and as I type this, I am looking at my original worn out copy that I read constantly and carried around in my backpack like a security blanket.

That book made a lasting impression on me, especially with my writing, because I wanted to tell stories like the ones in this book. I wanted to leave readers uncomfortable and yet relieved to know that someone out there actually understood what was going on and in some magical way, could produce words that made what I was feeling real and valid. 

So, when finding out that Netflix was developing this book into a television show, I was thrilled, because in it is almost rare to find a show or even a movie that showcases these dark and torturing topics in a realistic way that does not shy away from the truth. So topics such as suicide, self-harm, depression, rape, harassment, bullying, anxiety, etc. needed to finally be seen in the ugly way that they are. 

I say ugly, because when you are experiencing something like that or know someone that is, it is not pretty and it is not a fashion trend. I am twenty-one now and I have borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety and still struggle with self harm, because it cannot be cured and it cannot be resolved in an hour.

This show needed to be told, despite it being “triggering” or “boring”, because though they did not hold back and they showed how dark these things are, I am glad that they showed it in a realistic way and not just as some bullshit side story that is only used to make things “dramatic” and “exciting” 

And at the end of the day, I am so glad that this show spoke to so many and also pissed people off. Because, I want to be a screenwriter and I write about the topics that no one talks about and I guarantee you I do not shy away from the truth, such as suicide. 

I also want to bring up the reason why I decided to write this long ass post, despite knowing that most people will just skip past it, because it is in fact long. Earlier, I saw people saying that those who did not experience mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, etc. People who had no experience in the matter had “no right giving their opinion”. 

The reason this bothers me is because I personally believe that stories like these are told for two reasons: to relate and to teach. 

I see people posting about how they never knew people who are suicidal felt such a crushing weight of the world on their shoulders and it changes their view on those they once considered “weak”. 

I see people posting that it changed their view on the difference between “anxiety” and “being stressed”

I see people posting that they tease people, without thinking for a second that one “small” comment could ruin their day and it has changed their way of thinking and what they consider “funny”.

So, I do believe that people without mental health problems or anything else that you believe they can’t comment on, have a right to form an opinion and learn from these problems. 

I related to this show, despite the changes from the novel and I am glad that people are learning and getting a new view on things. 

Besides, I did not watch this show expecting to be entertained, I watched it hoping that they would not do what other shows have done and treat these personal subjects as a way to further a plot. They were honest and they did not hold back and I am so happy they didn’t, because it gives me hope that my own screenplays can possibly make a difference like this show has for so many already, in less than a week. 

Okay, I am done ranting. If you got through this whole thing, I give you credit for putting up with something I did drag on about. 

Alright, so allow me to put forward a really self-indulgent idea for everyone involving the Office AU. 

After many late evenings finishing projects, after many office parties and weathering crisis’ together, you are now very good friends with CEO Noctis, the the rest of the Chocobro execs.

One day, they as really good friends of yours, decide they want you to have a great time after working so hard for the company. Like, you need a night out or something, right? Some genius Prompto decides that you need to go on a date and convinces the others of the same thing. So after some rigorous searching of their own, they set you up on a blind date with A Person.

Of course you think this is weird as hell, but you agree, you need a night out and the guys have gone through this trouble of setting up this date, so okay. You’re gonna go out for your sake, for their sake. I mean, it’ll be a good time right?

It would in fact, not be a good time.

Let me tell you all about:

That One Bad Date (‘You had ONE job, guys!’)

Originally posted by elliejoys

i.e the time the Chocobros were meant to save you from a bad date, but decided to fuck shit up for their own amusement, to establish dominance, to be shits.

Keep reading

gallizfrey  asked:

Two of my main characters (they're twins) watched their parents being murdered at a very young age and I would like to accurately write how they deal with that in the rest of their lives (not the point of the story but still) while also showing how they deal with it in their own way. Do you have any tips/resources I could look at? :) Thank you!

There are a lot of things in this world that people react very differently too, depending on who they are. Death is most definitely one of those things. However, there are three main ways people tend to deal with death. I am going to dramatize them a bit, to hopefully get the point across more. I also suggest you not read this if you are a bit emotional on this topic. Death is not a toy, and the topic is not light, so please be careful when reading or writing these subjects. I am tagging this for the discussions of death, trauma, destructive tendencies and depression. Please be careful.

1. “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”. The things you go through define you. They help build your character. Everything happens for a reason, what you went through was fate. It happened to make you who you are. To make you stronger. It helped you build yourself emotionally and physically. It hurt yes and it probably still hurts if you think about it too much, but that pain has helped you grow. You’ve moved on as much as you can, you’re okay now. Life is normal. The past can never be erased but the future and the present are all that really matter.

2.“what doesn’t kill me, destroys me” your past haunts you. The things that happened to you hurt you. They hurt you everyday and they will always hurt you. What has been seen will never be unseen. You are probably reminded of it everyday and every single time it still hurts. It’s forced you to reevaluate life for the worse. Life is mostly pointless. You were destroyed and you’ve barely been able to rebuild yourself and when you do, it’s with walls ten times higher then they’ve ever been. Because you’ve been hurt, and you never want to be hurt again. You never want to go through anything like that again, so you rebuild your world so it wont. In your mind, any and all chances of happiness have been destroyed.

3. “What doesn’t kill me, never happened.” You are in denial. You either dont, or you try your best not to think about it. You don’t dwell on it. You move on. You push forward like you never had to go through that. You avoid talking about it as much as possible. But It still lingers, like a threat, waiting to drop on you and ruin you. You could very easily become the person who is destroyed by it, but you don’t want that, you are strong enough not to be that person, but you are also too weak to be the person that can rise above it. You are neither. You are stuck in purgatory,trapped in limbo, stuck dodging the memories of your tragedy until you can find a way to save yourself.

You can play with this ideas as much and as little as you want. Remember,like I said, everyone deals with death differently, these are just general ideas of what can happen. Please also remember that the outside doesn’t always match the inside. You may act perfectly fine in front of others, but there is nothing stopping you from feeling broken and destroyed when you are alone,in the privacy of your own mind. So play with your characters, and who they are, and play with the concepts of death and trauma. Do your research about depression and anxiety and ptsd. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck with your writing. If you have any other questions, or something isn’t clear, please feel free to contact me!

anonymous asked:

I would like in season 8 for Daryl to finally show his feelings for carol instead of her doing all the work, grow a pair of balls and make a move instead of her. She gone thru enough. He needs to man up.

… Okay, I’ll play along. 

1. Daryl to finally show his feelings? You mean, like he’s been doing all along? Do you need a refresher?

Let’s go!

1. Daryl busting his ass, risking his life to find Carol’s daughter. His life was all about working hard trying to find Sophia and if he wasn’t out doing that, he was trying to keep Carol hopeful.

2. Holding Carol back from running to Sophia and comforting her in the process

3. Daryl following her to the RV and sitting with her in total peace and silence as they grieve for Sophia

4. Daryl meshing in with the group, par Carol’s advice, FOR Carol.

5. Daryl offering her a shoulder massage, laughing along with her when she asks if she wants to screw around

6. Deeply upset by her ‘’ apparent death ‘’ in Season 3, puts a Cherokee rose on her ‘’ grave ‘’

7. Needs to sit for a while, smashing his knife against the floor building up to potentially needing to put a Walker Carol down

8. Holds her, leads her back to safety

9. Goes to her, tells her to stay safe 

10. After dealing with everyone’s grumpy attitude that Merle is in the prison, Daryl kind of just wants to be alone but allows Carol in his cell, SMILES when she says that she agreed with T-Dog that the prison was just tombs, until Daryl found her and actually LAUGHS when she says ‘’ after all, look how far you’ve come. ‘’ He not only allows her in his cell during his time of final peace, he engages in conversation with her and listens attentively, smiles AND laughs in the process.

11. Talks about Merle after he died, to Carol, for just a second, accepts her hand to help him up and holds her hand while looking at her for just a second longer than he really needed to. She actually let go of his hand first, just sayin’

12. Nudges her arm when she calls him Pookie

13. PISSED OFF that Rick banished her and defends her

14. When seeing her approach them in No Sanctuary, he RUNS to her (even though he didn’t need to), he holds her extremely tightly and close, teary eyed in the process, looks at her lovingly and nuzzles her shoulder

15. He looks at her in Strangers and she tells him she doesn’t want to talk about ‘’ it ‘’ (what happened to her) and he respects this by saying ‘’ all right ‘’.

16. Extremely protective in Strangers, never leaving her side or out of his sight (When they are keeping watch, they hear a sound, he signals for her to stay back, stays by her side and kills a walker for her, places himself between her and Father Gabriel, keeping a bolt in his hand on the rock, goes after her when she left the church and asks her what she’s doing when she’s about to leave and when they spot the car that looks like the one B3th was taken, he tells her to ‘’ get in! ‘’ even though it would have made sense for him to tell her to go back to the church and let the others know that Daryl is off to search, instead of leaving them all wondering and worrying) 

17. Literally ALL OF CONSUMED. Throughout the whole episode he’s trying to get through to her, trying to comfort her, he’s THERE for her, he tells her to hold on, he takes care of her making sure she drinks water, gives her the not-ruined bag of chips… need I say more? That whole episode is us watching Daryl just being there for Carol physically and especially emotionally. Which can be taxing when the person is unresponsive or just ‘’ not getting it ‘’.

18. Loses his marbles and sanity when he see’s her get hit by a car

19. When B3th dies, he listens to Carol’s advice to ‘’ feel his feelings ‘’

20. Doesn’t flinch and ALLOWS Carol to kiss his forehead

21. At Alexandria, when Carol tells him to try, he DOES.

22. Immediately the first one to see her in The Same Boat, puts his hand on her chin to lift her head up to look at him, asks if she’s okay and when she says ‘’ no ‘’ he holds her, with his hand on her head.

23. Beats the shit out of a guy for threatening Carol’s life

24. Goes off to find her even though he’s wanted by The Saviors

25. Allows her to hug him even though he’s hurting and wanting answers for why she left

26. LIES FOR HER to protect her

27. When he is about to leave her, he goes back for a second hug where he not only allows Carol to have her hands in his hair, nuzzling him and breathing him in, he hugs back and puts his head in her shoulder in RESPONSE to her grabbing his hair. Both of them participated in that hug. Daryl only broke them off because the first time, he wanted answers rightfully so and the second time, the longer he stayed, the longer he put off leaving, the harder it was, the harder it was going to be if he kept lingering.

Obviously I am sure I missed some but here’s 27 instances Daryl showed his love for Carol all throughout the seasons. Daryl HAS shown his love for her. Daryl was abused as a child. Physical contact did not come easy for him, understandably so. Nobody, literally NOBODY can touch me without me flinching or verging a panic attack because I too, was, am abused. I know how damn hard it is to become comfortable with anything physical. 
Yet he has shown Carol love through physical contact. The hugs for example, most of which have been initiated by DARYL.

In my opinion, Carol’s feelings for Daryl have been ambiguous as of late EXCEPT! For Episode 10 in Season 7. We have not seen Carol showing love for him since 5B. And I understand why.
The point isn’t me dragging Carol, the point is me expressing how ridiculous I feel it is to say that Daryl needs to show his feelings for her when he has been showing his feelings. 
Granted, I don’t think Daryl was in love with her in Season 2, but I do believe the romantic love was there in Season 4, definitely Season 5, and most obviously in Season 7, mainly Episode 10. Whether whoever agrees with me or not is up to them.

I don’t get or understand your comment about Daryl making a move first. Carol is just as capable of making the first move as Daryl is. Carol can easily do that, too. It’s a two way street. Why does he have to make the first move? I’ll keep my opinion on who I’d like to see make the first move because my opinion is irrelevant, the point is looking at these two as EQUALS, why is there so much pressure on Daryl to show more and more feelings and make the first move when Carol is JUST AS capable? 

You’re right. Carol has gone through enough. So has Daryl. Daryl has gone through watching a woman he was becoming friends with (Denise) get killed by his crossbow, he was shot, he had to watch Abraham and Glenn get their heads bashed in, not to mention Glenn was like his BROTHER and he feels at fault for his death, he was taken and TORTURED at The Sanctuary, forced to eat dog food sandwiches, beaten, forced to look at a Polaroid of Glenn’s bashed in head. 
Daryl has gone through enough just as well. While Carol had SOME sort of peace in solitary (she was not being tortured) and was eating ACTUAL food, Daryl was suffering IMMENSELY and eating dog food. 

I’m not undermining the struggles Carol was going through because she obviously was but let’s not downplay what Daryl has gone through in Season 7 alone. 

So, yeah. Daryl has shown his love. We shouldn’t just expect Daryl to make the first move because Carol is also a capable human being and they both have gone through hell and back. 

If there’s one thing we can agree on, it’s that both of them deserve peace, happiness, love, calm with eachother. Those two deserve it MORE than anyone else under the sun at this point.

EDIT:* In Strangers, Daryl forgets he’s carrying two water jugs and offers to carry one of Carol’s and ends up dropped one of his own, which leads to a very beautiful smile from Carol. Make that 28 instances (and potentially more) where Daryl has shown his love

Little Brat

Overall Summary: You are the oldest of the Durins and you live your life happily until the day Smaug attacks. That is when you lost the trust of your little brother, Thorin.

Chapter Summary: A sparring session leads to a confession.

Pairing: Thorin x Sister!Reader; OC x Reader

A/N: I had this goal of updating all of my series before the day comes to an end, but I failed because I didn’t update the Aim of Elves and I don’t plan to before the end of the night. I’m exhausted. Anyway, happy reading.

Previous Chapter: Chapter 6

Next Chapter: Chapter 8


The next morning, you wake up to a knock on the door. 

Keep reading

When I first started watching Broadchurch, I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at Alec Hardy, with his cold demeanour and his “broody bullshit schtick” as Ellie puts it. A handsome, brooding detective with a troubled past. Well that’s something I’ve seen a hundred times before.

But Chibnall’s writing cleverly undermines that trope in a hundred ways. Hardy is different. Under his apparent rough exterior, he is so emotional and so emotionally invested in the cases he works. We see him break down and cry a lot. He’s mentally and physically ill. The scene on the beach where he finds Danny’s body shows him trying to control a panic attack. He is physically weak and prone to collapse. The narrative confronts his illnesses head on and shows how hard he struggles with his health. It doesn’t shy away from his anxiety or his panic attacks, nor the realities of his arrhythmia.

His isolation comes from him being hurt and self-protective and socially awkward, but as he accepts Ellie he proves himself an empathetic and devoted friend. At the end of the season, all of Ellie’s friends desert her - all except Hardy. He is there for her, providing all the support he can. For all his trust issues and his maxims about how you can’t trust anyone, he trusts this woman more than anything.

He’s extremely protective of children and it’s clear he would die to protect them or get justice for the murdered children he’s investigating. He would do anything for his daughter. He loves her so much he ruined his own life and his health for her. Even though it hurts him to be apart from her, he waits for her to be ready to accept him back in her life, and doesn’t force his way in.

Despite being played by David Tennant, Hardy is an undesirable character. He’s not some macho fantasy that goes around seducing women and having one night stands left and right. He’s rejected by every woman he approaches, and what he really craves is not sex but a meaningful relationship with someone he loves. He’d be happier with a hug from a loved one than sex with a stranger.

His tragic backstory isn’t a simple case of dead wife or dead daughter either - he’s a cuckolded husband who handled the situation by taking the blame and protecting the wife that cheated on him. He’s the wronged party struggling to overcome all the health issues that cropped up as a result - but the best part is, the narrative never excuses his behaviour just because he’s been hurt. Ellie Miller always calls him out on his bullshit. She supports him and loves him, but when he acts like a jackass, regardless of the underlying cause, she damn well lets him know it’s not okay. And that’s so important. Too often a tragic backstory is used to excuse bad behaviour. With Alec, it explains his behaviour, but never condones it.

In S2, and this is where things get good, our hero confronts the failure that has haunted him. But there’s never any macho bullshit about how he has to do it alone, or that he has to be the one who solves it. His priority is justice for Pippa and Lisa. All through S1 he admonished Ellie Miller for letting her emotions get the better of her. He told her she had to be objective, and that she had to look at things from the outside. And Hardy is man enough to take his own advice. He accepts his own failures and says, “hey, I’m way too emotionally invested with Sandbrook and too close to these suspects to think straight. I need help.”

Where most dudes insist on doing things alone, Hardy is actually asking for help constantly. The problem is, no-one answers his requests. He asks Tess to reopen the case and to give him some officers. She says no. She reminds him that he never made any friends, which is why he’s alone and in exile. The only person who answers his requests for help is Ellie Miller. He tells her in clear terms - “I sort of need your help.” “I can’t do it on my own.” “Help me.”

How often does that happen? How often does a man look at a woman and say, without any hint that he finds it emasculating, “I can’t do this alone, I need your help”? The thought of it being emasculating doesn’t even register. It’s not even within his ability to think like that and the narrative never even touches those sexist assumptions. It’s just a matter of - I trust her, and she’s the best person for the job. Nothing else.

Throughout the season he asks for her help and she agrees. Always, always, he asks. And she helps him because she wants to. He recognises his shortcomings and he’s completely comfortable saying, “talk to Miller” instead of interviewing someone himself. He steps down and gives her the reins. He acknowledges her abilities and once they’ve solved it he thanks her and says, “I couldn’t have done this without you.” Very sincerely, he lets her know he couldn’t have done it without her. He gives her the credit, doesn’t make it a secret, lets everyone know, “I need Miller.”

Alec Hardy is mentally and physically ill. He’s emotional and he cries a lot. He recognises his flaws and shortcomings and is willing to admit them. On a professional and an emotional level, he looks at this one woman and says, “I need you.” He is never mocked for this or viewed as less of a man. The narrative rewards him for talking about his feelings and never condones his rude or inappropriate behaviour. He’s kind and devoted and loving, especially towards his daughter. He’s respectful of people’s boundaries, he craves physical intimacy, and he’s always willing to offer what emotional support he can. He’s allowed to cry and make mistakes and rely on the help and friendship of a woman without it calling his masculinity into question.

It’s the greatest debunking of the “handsome, brooding dude with a troubled past” I have ever seen and I can’t thank Chibnall enough for Alec Hardy, and resident bamf Ellie Miller, too.

Bruce Banner (Hulk): Heart Break (Part I of II)

Y/N’s POV

“Bruce!” I groaned out as my boyfriend paced in front of me.

“I am being serious Y/N! You are always in danger.”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “And like I said my job is dangerous so what does it matter?”

“I think that it is best if I ju-“

I glared at him. “Do not even think about finishing that sentence Banner!” I growled out at him. “How many times have we done this?” I questioned my boyfriend who was just pissing me off now.

“Be reasonable Y/N w-“

“I am being reasonable you big oaf. You leave me to ‘protect me’ and then you come back. So what the hell is the point in breaking up? Do you enjoy tearing my heart out and stomping on it?” I yell before taking a deep breath pissing him off was not going to help my cause at all.

“I do not want you to end up like other people. I would hate myself for hurting you.”

“Oh so physically hurting me and emotionally ruining me are on two different scales?” I ask .

He runs his hands through his hair. “Dammit no!” He shouts and I watch his skin ripple green.

“You know what I need air!” I shout before making my way out of the tower. Pissing him off would just prove him right.

“Y/N-“

“Just let it go for now Banner.” I say trying my best to tamper down my urge to scream at him.

Three Hours Later

“Bruce?” I asked walking into his apartment in the tower. I sighed. What the hell was wrong with him? Seriously after all we have been through he still has to pull out the ‘leaving to protect you card’. I took a deep breath yelling and screaming at him would only help make his point. I glanced into the living room still no sign of my boyfriend. Dammit Bruce where are you?

I walked into the connecting kitchen, “Babe come on! We need to talk about thi-“ I stopped in my tracks noticing a thing of flowers and a note.
I swallowed. Please dear god, do not do this to me again. I prayed and rushed to the table. I ignore the flowers and picked up the letter.

Dear Y/N,
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with me. You will make someone really happy someday. I want you to know you deserve a person who will see you as I see you every day, and be able to talk to you without having to censor what he says. I am sorry I can’t be that person for you. You were the first person to show me my own truth. I know it’s cliché but I really do hope for the best for you.
Being with you was the only time I can remember being happy. I really do love you Y/N, but I can’t be with you anymore. I know you are reading this and mentally screaming at me but it is true. I can’t keep putting you in harm’s way because I need you. It is not fair to you Y/N. You should not have to watch what you say in case I was having a bad day.
I do not mean to tear your heart out. I really do want you to be happy and I am sorry I always swoop in and steal it away from you just to break your heart again.
I will already have left when you read this. I am sorry. Please forgive me.

I love you,
Bruce.

I tore the letter in half and screamed. No he could not do this to me again. Every time he comes looking for me and he has one episode and bam he leaves. I grab the roses and the vase and threw them against the far wall. Before sliding down the opposite side of the wall crying he could not be serious. I grabbed my knees and pulled them to my chest. I was a trained professional and all it took was a clumsily man with an affliction towards purple to make me a mess. I stood up on shaky legs.

This time if he was leaving he was going to tell me to my face. I ran towards the elevator and repeatedly punched the button until the doors opened. I stabbed the button to Tony’s floor. I took three deep breaths and wiped my face. I was not going to let Tony see how much it broke me to read that letter. As the doors opened I was met with the sight of a pacing Tony Stark.

“Where is he?” I shouted at Tony as I stomped out of the elevator and walked into his work shop.

“Y/N… Calm down.” He says throwing his hands up.

“Did he leave?” I shout accusingly at him.

“Fury sent hi-“ Tony tried to cut me off throwing yet another excuse out for the man he claimed was a ‘all around good guy’.

“That is bullshit Stark! He left because he is running away from me…Again!” I shout as I glare at Tony.

He winces. “Y/N….”

I shake my head fighting back the tears. I can’t believe he is going to do this to me again. “I get it Stark you guys are ‘bros’ or whatever the hell you want to call him.” I say throwing my hands up in anger.

“He’s trying to prot-“

I let out a hollowed laugh. “I am a S.H.I.E.L.D agent Stark. Honestly how safe does my life get?” I say running my hands through my hair. I felt like crying and screaming all at the same time. I really can’t live like this anymore. I furiously blink back tears again. He does this every time. He leaves to ‘protect me’ but then when I have my shit back together he swoops in because he can’t stand being without me. I took a deep breath I needed out of this cycle. I shook my head at Tony.

I didn’t need his answer I had my own. I turned on my heel and headed towards the exit.

“He just wants you to be safe.” Tony says still trying to defend him.

I nodded and punched the elevator door button. I turn to study him, out of all the people he should be the one on my side. “Fine.”

Tony stops walking towards the wet bar and stares at me oddly. “Y/N-”

“No if it is what he wants then fine.” I say throwing my hands up in the air. “He wants to protect me? He wants me to stay safe? Well I guess it is what I want to.”

Tony swallows visibly. “Look he lo-“

I cut Tony off, “Don’t even say it.”

“Y/N…”

“I will let him ‘protect me’ on one condition Stark.” I say trying my best to keep my face a mask.

He looked at me warily. “Okay what?

“First you are going to tell him I left just like he wanted. I mean I know he timed it so he was gone when I showed up.”

“Deal.” Tony says still looking at me with worry. “That it?”

“No,” I say as the elevator doors open. “Also tell him I never want to see him again and if I do, let him know not to speak to me.” I say as I step into the elevator.

Two Months Later

“We have to go to Stark Tower.” Coulson said looking at me uneasily.

I took a deep breath and nodded turning my gaze to look out the window. “Lets make it quick.”

I bite down on the inside of my lip. I had not been back to the tower since I last spoke to Tony. I avidly avoided mission that brought me into contact with any of them.

“He misses you.” Coulson said making conversation.

“It really is not of any interest to me.” I say shrugging it off.

“Y/N…” He says as we approach the tower.

“Don’t. It was his choice.”

“You and I both know that he did not anticipate you cutting him out of his life.”

I let out a dark laugh as Coulson parked the car. “That is because he thought it would be him cutting me off not the other way around.”

“You really are not going to give him another chance?”

I pushed open the door and headed towards the tower entrance before turning to face Coulson. “No, because he will just want to run away again and I cannot live my life with someone knowing they are always going to find some stupid excuse to leave.”

I turn and head to the entrance to be met by Happy. He turned and smiled at me. “Y/N, your back! Bruce is going to be so happy.”
I turned to Coulson. He knew this was going to happen. “I’m not here for Bruce.” I say coldly and head to the elevator.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Coulson shake his head and head into the elevator with him. “Y/N he w-“

I turned to give him a pointed look. “I thought that we had a job to do?” I questioned before punching the button to Starks floor.

We rode up the rest of the way in silence. As the doors opened we are greeted by the Avengers. I swallowed and nodded at Coulson to leave the elevator first.

He nodded. “Stark we need a word with you.”

Everyone but Tony and Bruce noticed my presence in the room. I stood in silence not wanting to alert Bruce that I was here in case he wanted to talk to me.

“Look Coul-“ Tony said turning away from his desk and stopping to stare at me.

So much for going unnoticed, “You know why we are here Stark.” I said coldly.

Bruce turned around at the sound of my voice. “Y/N-“

“Banner.” I said in the coldest voice I had ever heard before turning my attention back to Stark, “The files Stark.”

Tony nodded and reached out for them before handing them to Coulson. “You’re back in the States, does that mean we will be seeing you more at the tower.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “I never really left. I just do not have the time to canoodle with you Avengers.”

Tony scoffed. “So your avoiding us.”

I gave Tony a pointed look as I still felt Bruce’s eyes on me. “No not ‘us’. I’m just avoiding Banner.” I said honestly before turning to look Bruce up and down. I turned towards the elevator. “Now excuse us some of us actually have work to do.” I say heading towards the elevator.
As I entered I noticed the man following me was not Coulson but Bruce. He pushed the button to the lobby and shut door effectively cutting Coulson off. I stared straight in front of me at the doors.

“Y/N…”

I ignored him trying not to cry. I was not going to let him do this to me again.

“Look I am sorr-“

I let out a harsh laugh before turning to glare at him. “Sorry? You’re a coward Banner!” I shout at him before taking a calming breath. “Didn’t Tony give you my rules?” I asked.

I reached out for my arm. “I messed up okay. I-“

“I do not care anymore Banner. Your excuses are exactly that, yours.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I was wrong okay!”

“I am well aware.” I say as we approach the lobby. “I was there, hell even Tony was there, but like usual Bruce Banner was not.”

The elevator jerks to a stop and Bruce hits the emergency stop button which stops the doors from opening.

“Careful Banner closed in spaces are not your forte.” I say mockingly.

He grabs my face in his hands. “Stop this. I know I messed up. When I saw yo-“

I jerked myself away from him, “You mean when I almost died two months ago? Don’t worry Banner it wasn’t do to you not ‘protecting me’ it was do to me miscalculating an op and paying for it. You do not have to feel guilty for that anymore.” I say pressing the button and the doors opened. I quickly headed out of the elevator.

“I am sorry!” He shouts and I can hear the strain in his voice.

“I am too.” I whispered to myself biting back tears. “That’s not enough Bruce.”

He shakes his head. “Doesn’t loving you still count for something?” He asks running his hand through his hair.

I turned around to face him and take a real good look at him. He looked wore out and sad, which only pissed me off.
“No! Not when you through it around like it’s nothing! You don’t get to feel sorry for yourself! You wanted to leave me well congrats you left.” I said harshly. “But, hate to break it to you Banner you do not get to come back!”

“I-“

I felt my tears fall. “You don’t get to walk back into my life! You wanted out! You wanted this!”

He shakes his head stepping towards me. “Not like this.”

I let out a dark laugh. “Yes like this!”

“No dammit! I messed up okay? I wanted to protect you but I can’t I get that.”

I shook my head, “Today you might but what about tomorrow? Or after you have an ‘episode’? I’m not a yo-yo Banner. The feeling of whiplash has lost its appeal.”

He lets out a scream. “Stop it! I get it I have to pay fo-“

“This has nothing to do with you paying for breaking my heart over and over Banner! It has everything to do with not letting you have it and smash it to a million pieces again!” I scream as tears cascade down my face.

I rush out of the building. I began to walk just like the day I got the letter. Just like I did every night I could not sleep. I felt the tears fall and picked up my pace escaping into the crowd of New Yorkers.

I turned and see Bruce standing there looking broken. I turn back around and disappear. Loving Bruce Banner was always going to be my one fault. I felt my heart break even more as I walked away from him. It was the right thing to do. He would no longer feel guilty. I would no longer be in the continuous cycle of heart break.

Thoughts on the SS/HM Arc in relation to IchiRuki/Ichihime

I’ve been thinking recently of the parallels between the SS Arc and the HM Arc in terms of Ichiruki/Ichihime shipping, and why I buy calling the SS Arc the ‘Rukia’ arc but not calling the HM Arc the 'Orihime’ Arc (aside from my obvious bias towards IchiRuki, that is. Bear with me, I’ll try to be objective about this). 

I’ve come to the conclusion that the fundamental difference between the two arcs is that the first arc (SS) is all about saving Rukia, while the second arc (HM) is about more than just saving Orihime. That’s it. That’s the difference. 

Think about it. In the first arc, when Rukia is taken, Ichigo could very well have forgotten all about her and lived out the rest of his life in Karakura Town. He literally had nothing forcing him to go after her. If he hadn’t shown up and caused shit in the Seireitei, the Gotei-13 would have left him well alone. Now, some people might claim that he went after her a) out of a sense of debt or b) to regain his powers or c) because he has a rescuer’s complex, and to that I call bullshit (insofar as differentiating it from the HM Arc goes anyway) because:

a) OF COURSE HE FEELS INDEBTED TO RUKIA, but debt does not cause one to put their life on the line to save another’s. People who play the debt card play it because they want to make Ichigo’s rescue of Rukia into something emotionless; a chore, a transaction, a mandatory repayment. Sure, debt could definitely have been a motivator in Ichigo wanting to save Rukia, but there were countless instances during the SS Arc when Ichigo is close to death, and none of those instances diminished Ichigo’s will to save her. You do not go to rescue someone out of a sense of duty and risk everything you have in the process. A sacrifice like that can only be motivated by a deep sense of caring for the other party.

'But Ichigo’s naturally inclined to pay off his debts in an extreme way!’ I hear people say. Yes and no. Ichigo’s fiercely devoted to the people he cares about, and yes, he would willingly give his life for any one of his friends, be it Chad, Orihime, Uryuu, Tatsuki, or even Keigo and Mizuiro, but he doesn’t just do it for anyone. The key phrase there is he’s devoted to the people he cares about. He says himself at the very beginning of Bleach that he’s ’not that good of a guy to risk his life for complete strangers’, and while that may or may not have been somewhat of a lie, you cannot claim that the ONLY reason Ichigo went to rescue Rukia is because of his goddamned sense of duty. No matter which way you spin in, Ichigo’s rescue of Rukia is at least in part motivated by the fact that he cares for her. Otherwise, you do his character a disservice: you assume he’s capable of remaining completely emotionally detached to someone who has granted him his life’s wish, that of having the power to protect

Besides, Ichigo confirms himself at the end of the SS Arc that his desire to save Rukia was motivated by something other than debt entirely; looking at a smiling Rukia, he thinks to himself (all surrounded by shojou sparkles I swear to god) ’I remember now… the reason I wanted to save you’ as he himself smiles, and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU THINK THE NEXT WORD IN THAT SENTENCE WILL BE 'DEBT’ PLEASE GO TAKE A READING COMPREHENSION CLASS FUCKING LORD okay I swore I was going to be professional about this. Sorry. Ahem. Back to my point, you absolutely CANNOT argue that Ichigo was saving Rukia simply because of a sense of 'debt’, not when canonically we know that Ichigo cares about Rukia at the very least as a friend.

b) Hahahahaha this is such a stupid reason that I’ll be keeping this very brief. Ichigo regained his powers BEFORE saving Rukia. He does not need to save her to regain his powers. Why does this argument exist? IDK. Basically he could have skipped out after Urahara trained him all 'thanks for the powers lol Rukia can die bye bye~’. But he didn’t.

c) Yes, Ichigo has a hero/rescuer’s complex. But that argument doesn’t work insofar as distinguishing the SS arc from the HM arc goes. Ichigo has a hero complex in both arcs, and he acts on said hero complex to go rescue the girl in both arcs. There is literally no point to bringing this up because it’s EXACTLY THE SAME FOR BOTH ARCS, and you cannot use it to argue that one arc is different to the other.

So basically, Ichigo has absolutely nothing forcing him to  go save Rukia in the SS arc. If he had left Rukia alone, precisely nothing would happen to his friends and family. Precisely nothing would happen to Ichigo himself. The only thing that would happen was that Rukia would die. And Ichigo decided 'fuck that, I can’t let that happen’. This is basically the premise for the entire arc; that Ichigo cannot let Rukia die, no matter the cost to himself OR HIS FRIENDS who accompanied him to Soul Society. The entire SS arc is Ichigo trying to save Rukia’s life and beating down anyone who gets in his way (except for the underweaving storyline that eventually revealed Aizen as the big bad but that was done so subtly and didn’t take up much panel time and only really came into proper fruition at the very end of the arc and besides we’re discussing the arcs in terms of Ichigo’s motivations so we’re gonna focus mainly on Ichigo’s interactions with the characters). Ichigo reiterates, multiple times throughout the arc, that he’s at Soul Society to save Rukia. In fact, that is the ONLY reason he EVER gives as to why he’s at Soul Society. THAT’S why I can buy the SS arc being called the 'Rukia’ arc or the 'Ichiruki’ arc. Because, like it or not, the entire arc centered around Ichigo trying to save Rukia. No other motives, no other hugely convoluted storyline going on, it’s almost entirely Ichigo rushing to get to Rukia on time. 

Now let’s look at the HM arc. Since even before Orihime was kidnapped, we knew the Arrancar were going to be bad news. Yammy and Ulquiorra showed up and beat people around; Grimmjow came along with his fracciones to pick fights. Not once, but multiple times. And on top of this, there was the problem with Ichigo’s inner hollow, and then the Vizards showed up. The storyline started jam-packed with several different strands before Orihime even came into the picture. 

But then she DID come into the picture, by getting herself kidnapped. What to do? Well, obviously, because Orihime’s one of his friends and because he’s got that hero complex, Ichigo’s going to rescue her. But here we’re going to note several differences in the HM arc to the SS arc: namely, that a) there ARE things forcing Ichigo to go to Hueco Mundo and b) rescuing Orihime is not Ichigo’s ONLY MOTIVE in rushing off to Hueco Mundo and c) rescuing Orihime is not the ONLY storyline of the HM arc. 

Let’s take a look at a), shall we? Unlike in the SS Arc, if Ichigo does not chase after Orihime, there will be repercussions. The Arrancar have already shown up in Karakura Town multiple times, unprovoked, on sinister, unknown missions, and sometimes just to pick fights. Obviously, even if Ichigo and co. just ignored them, the Arrancar aren’t content to just leave them be. The situation is completely different from the first time around. Ichigo already knows he’s going to have to battle it out with the Arrancar if he wants his family and friends left alone. 

This leads us nicely along to b), which is (despite what some of you may be thinking at this stage) not an asspull from me at 4:47 am (yes, I am supposed to be pulling an all-nighter study session, yes, Ichigo and Rukia are life-ruining little shits and I hate them both). Ichigo himself says that he came to Hueco Mundo ’to defeat you, Grimmjow!’ Ichigo himself admits, at Grimmjow’s taunting, AND ALSO AT ULQUIORRA’S, that he had other motives apart from just rescuing Orihime. Quite a bit of a difference from the SS arc, don’t you think, when Ichigo was spouting off 'I HAVE TO SAVE RUKIA’ to anyone who would listen/crossed his path? By contrast, Ichigo doesn’t say 'I have to save Inoue’ much at all in the HM arc. He says it a couple times maybe at the very beginning of the arc when he’s arguing with Soul Society? But once he’s actually at Hueco Mundo, what strikes me is how frequently he talks about having to beat all the Arrancar. He says it to Dordoni when the Privaron Espada urges him to go into Bankai ('I have to beat actual Espada, I’m not going to use it against you!’ or something similar), he says it to Ulquiorra ('You’re the top Espada, right? That means if I beat you, I’ve beaten all the others as well’ or something similar), he thinks it multiple times. The fact that he has to beat all the Espada is mentioned more in this arc than the fact that he has to save Orihime, and that, I think, speaks volumes about Ichigo’s motivations in this arc and what this arc is really about.

And so, finally, onto c). Like I say in the point above, Ichigo is in Hueco Mundo to save Orihime, yes, but also to defeat as many Arrancar along the way as possible. Because, the fact of the matter is, the Arrancar have insinuated themselves as a huge threat to Karakura Town and to Soul Society as well. The HM arc IS NOT SOLELY ABOUT SAVING ORIHIME, NOT LIKE THE SS ARC WAS ALL ABOUT SAVING RUKIA. We as the reader are trying to suss out so many different mysteries and storylines throughout the HM arc, and we’re wondering about how they all fit together: Aizen, the hyogyouku, Urahara, the Vizards, Ichigo’s inner hollow. With so many different things tackled in the same arc, it’s no wonder it feels like the 'saving Orihime’ storyline got lost and diluted amongst the herd. 

So you see, THAT’S why I have a hard time swallowing it whenever anyone refers to the HM arc as the 'Orihime’ or 'Ichihime’ arc. THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER THINGS HAPPENING IN THE HM ARC THAN JUST THE ORIHIME RESCUE STORY. Yes, Orihime happens to get rescued in the HM arc, but THAT’S NOT WHAT THE ARC IS ABOUT IN ITS ENTIRETY. On the other hand, the SS arc is almost entirely about Ichigo’s quest to save Rukia. So it’s perfectly logical, to me, to call it the 'Rukia’ or the 'Ichiruki’ arc, because even if you don’t see a single iota of romanticism between the two, you cannot deny that the arc was about Ichigo trying to save Rukia. 

And finally, as a bonus:

Throughout the SS arc, Ichigo and co. were asked multiple times why they were trying so hard and sacrificing so much for a soul reaper they had only recently met. When Ganju asks Ichigo 'Is she important? The shinigami you’re trying to protect?’, Ichigo can reply directly (well, as directly as a boy in denial can) and confirms himself that 'yeah… you could say that’. When Kyoraku and Nanao express their surprise at everyone having a strong enough bond with Rukia to want to sacrifice their lives for her, Chad corrects them and says that while he and Rukia are friends, the main reason he is standing there is because Ichigo wants to save Rukia, and that is enough for him.  When 'Maki-Maki’(I can’t remember his actually name) asks the gang 'why are you doing this for her? Isn’t she just a friend?’ Orihime corrects him and says that Rukia 'isn’t just a friend. To Kurosaki-kun, Kuchiki-san is a very important person, the person that changed his world’. Basically, it’s being reiterated throughout the SS arc that this arc isn’t even 'Rukia’s friends save Rukia’, it’s 'ICHIGO saves Rukia’. We are slammed with this fact in the face multiple times over the course of this arc.

But in the HM arc? The only thing that’s reiterated throughout that arc is Ichigo’s desire to beat all the Arrancar to a pulp for daring to lay a hand on his friends and family. In that arc, OTHER PEOPLE have to keep reminding him to save Orihime. Rukia reminds him of it. Ulquiorra comments on it. 'If your only objective was to save the girl, why didn’t you just grab her and run away’, yadda yadda. And people still want to call this arc the 'Ichihime arc’?

Please. 

anonymous asked:

Could you clarify the line between being a strict parent and being abusive? And the line between chastising/discipline and emotional abuse?

damn you expect a lot out of a person with a trauma blog. 

I’m going to go ahead and say that all discipline is abuse. The mere idea that you have the right to discipline someone implies ownership over that person, and you do not own your children, and thus do not have the ultimate right to decide what happens to them when they fuck up. You are in position to do that, yes, but the right to punish/discipline/chastise someone? You cannot have that over someone who is your equal. So when you discipline children, you’re letting them know you’re not equal, you’re the authority, you’re the one who decides what they deserve, what happens to them, you hold the control, you hold their lives in your hand, you’re the one they must fear when they’re doing something you might perceive as mistake, you’re the one they feel watched by when they’re scared. I cannot imagine how this wouldn’t be abusive. 

So what should you do with a child who’s hurting others, making heavy material damage, doesn’t care or respond to any positive reinforcement, steals and lights shit on fire and screams until it gets what it wants? I don’t freaking know okay I’ve never dealt with this situation I just think consequences for children should never fucking be heavier than consequences for adults! An adult doing any of this wouldn’t get beaten up and treated inhuman, even if they ended up in jail they still wouldn’t be facing what a lot of children are facing with their abusive parents, they wouldn’t get lashed at and emotionally abused and treated like less than human. 

I’m not sure if I can judge this rationally because I’ve been facing severe overpunishments for things that weren’t even mistakes. I didn’t pay enough attention to someone? Got slapped and screamed at. I confronted someone who hurt me? Got beaten up and locked up. I stood up for myself? I got emotionally abandoned by entire family and completely isolated and treated like I’m worthless and disposable. So I don’t know what is logical or acceptable after this experience. I just think that consequences should fit the actions. Children who are doing actual harm - by this i don’t mean being inconvenient, crying when parents dont wanna deal with it, feeling sad or depressed or tired, expressing when its not socially acceptable, having people annoyed at the noises they make, wanting something they can’t have, making a huge mess, ruining their clothes, not appreciating everything parents do, not willing to work without being appreciated, not perfectly understanding everyone’s feelings and being there for them, not making parent’s lives easier, because all of these are not mistakes or harm, all of this is just being a child and completely normal. Actual harm is actually severely hurting another human being, destroying something with a goal to hurt someone, doing over-the-top revenges, throwing huge tantrums in attempts to control parents and make them do what child wants, and children generally will do this because they naturally have a narcissistic phase and will try out all possible boundaries if they feel safe enough to, and i think in these cases it’s important to show the child that their harmful actions will have consequences for themselves, that they cannot actually get away with it without taking any responsibility. 

That was the catch in my childhood too, I would be severely punished for nothing, but if I hit my sister, or hurt someone else? Nothing. They just didn’t care. And this is the situation where there should be interference. 

The children need to lose something, some privilege, not something they need to survive, not food or shelter or safety or family, but a part of support, a part of privileges, maybe candy? I might be too soft I just believe it’s important they know they will face some consequences, but they will still remain human, they will still be safe, unless they cause someone to be permanently unsafe. If there’s no privileges you can take away from your child then something is already wrong in the start, a child should have a certain amount of things they want on the top of things they need (haha am I optimistic now or what, lets face it most kids don’t even have what they really need).

It’s dangerous to let children get away with hurting others because they will take this and apply it in later life and learn how easy it is to get away with hurting those weaker than them, and how they can always rely on that kind of lashing out and sadistic pleasure and basically it becomes okay in their minds because it was always safe to do! This will lead to them developing narcissistic traits unless they learn to truly empathize with those they’ve hurt at a young age. But do not freaking punish children for being loud and generally obnoxious and messy and for needing things and for not being super enthusiastic about school and responsibilities and chores and whatever because that’s just them being themselves, do not discipline children for their own personality and for searching themselves and for not being super convenient and easy to control and generally refusing to be your property. Any kind of “strictness” that doesn’t allow this freedom to children is abusive, any kind of discipline that makes them unequal and subservient to parents (discipline in origin isn’t a good thing at all, it comes with assumption of servitude and obedience and this is strongly dehumanizing and exploitative) and that denies logical consequences of children’s actions and instead forces whatever is convenient to the parents, on the emotional cost of children.

Also another thing that is insanely abusive is changing the rules constantly, based on parent’s moods! Rules and consequences are good (if none of them work against children’s physical or emotional well being of course) but if they are inconsistent and change based on how angry the parent is specific days it’s basically ensuring that child will live in deep anxiety, never knowing for what it can or can’t be punished, or how badly will they be hurt, because it depends on how badly a parent wants to lash out on something vulnerable that day. Having a consistent system where you know exactly what you can expect after doing a certain thing and not being afraid of some unknown fit of rage and abuse makes a safe childhood experience.

Also, rules that children need to abide by have to work for parents too! Parent accidentally hurts child? Same consequence for parents too. Parents shouldn’t be above the system and just deciding who gets punished and how, they should be inside together with children, living by the same rules, or the system is again just a toxic hierarchy where parents hold all power over children’s lives and there’s no equality. Not to mention children will just wait to grow up and then there will be no rules anymore. If the system is well internalized the children will have a good value system of what’s right and wrong and will get a chance to feel both safe and act as good people. 

That was it from a traumatized person’s viewpoint who spent most of their life in fear of death by psychopatic parents! If anyone has a different viewpoint to offer feel free to chip in anytime this is how far I’ve come with my thinking.

Preference #14 He Has Feelings For You But Someone Else Tells You [Requested]

Scott: “Scott McCall is having breakfast with our mother.” Lydia announced, leaning against the doorframe as she awaited an explanation for his bizarre behavior. “Liam’s printer went haywire around 3am yesterday morning.” You stated in a cautious mumble, releasing a frustrated sigh as you fought the zipper to the coal suede ankle boot on your right foot. “According to Stiles, there was a name added to the list worth 15 million. Scott’s been following me around since. I’ll give you a guess as to who the name belonged to.” The atmosphere darkened, Lydia’s stomach churning with an intense despair as she fought the pessimistic thoughts threatening to poison her brain. She knew without a doubt that your name would be on the list; you were a werewolf. The mystery was in the worth, not in the presence of your name on the list. If you were worth 15 million dollars there was a real possibility the supernatural assassins would pursue you first.  “He cares about you, you know.” She informed, a faint smirk curling the corners of her mouth as she fought to have a trivial conversation.

Keep reading

HOME PT.2

So, a lot of people asked me to write pt.2 to my Junhoe angst “home”, and I finally did it (:

You can find pt.1 here

Genre: angst

Member: Junhoe (ikon)

words: 2654

y\n= your name.

I hope you’ll like it:

~

It has been two months since you came back to your home. You didn’t need to acclimate like you needed when you moved to Korea, it was different here, it was your home. Junhoe didn’t call you or text you since the last time you saw him with that other woman.

Since you moved you did anything to move on from him. It was hard in the beginning, but as the time passed, it has become easier.

When you were in Korea, you hanged out with your university friends. You tried to act like them and to be one of them. But back home, you hanged out with your best friends almost every day, and it felt so much better. You finally felt like you can be yourself.  

You also started to work at a gallery. Yes, you were only a junior clerk, but it was one step closer to making your dreams come true.

Every time someone asked about Junhoe, you lied. You didn’t want anyone to know what happened. You didn’t want people to feel sorry for you. You hated it when people did that. It made you feel like they’re thinking you are weak and you didn’t want anyone to think that.

It was five days before the big exhibition in the gallery you work at. You imagined everyone wearing fancy dresses and suits, holding glasses filled with champagne, being impressed by all the beautiful pictures. But the thing that made you the happiest was the fact that at this day, five days before the big night, your manager told you that she wants to exhibit one of your works at the exhibition.

“Really?” you asked in exciting. “Yes. Pick one today and show me tomorrow so I will approve” she said and left. She was a cold person, and that was the last thing you expected her to say, but you were so happy you didn’t say a thing. Finally, you thought, finally things turn out to be good. You knew that everything will be fine, you said that.

At this night, you didn’t sleep. You tried to pick a photo to show at the exhibition, but you felt like nothing is good enough. After three hours of searching in almost everywhere at your computer, you decided to do that, to search at the file of the photos you took in Korea.

You knew that the pictures in this file, are the greatest, but you also knew that it’s full of pictures of Junhoe and you from better days.

You opened the file and suddenly all the photos was shown. You felt your eyes getting wet. So many pictures of the two of you with smiling faces, holding each other. ‘Don’t cry y\n’ you told yourself, but it didn’t help. The tears fell down one by one, making a trail on your face then falling down on your laptop’s keyboard. You ignored them. You tried to be professional and to find a picture.

You didn’t know why seeing photos of the two of you together made you feel this way. It has been two months, isn’t it enough time to move on? You thought something was wrong with you. You wanted to ask someone if you’re okay, if the way you feel is okay, but you couldn’t. Not because you didn’t have people to consult with, you had, but because you emotionally couldn’t.

The day of the big exhibition has come. You barely slept because you were so excited. Yes, it was only one picture, but it one step closer to your dream. All of your family and friends were ready. They’re all coming for you, to see your work, to be there for you.

You arrived to the gallery two hours earlier then the opening, just like the rest of the employs. Everyone wore fancy clothes, including you. You looked great and you knew it. From your dress to your make up to your hair, everything looked great.

“Are you excited?” one of the girls who worked there with you asked as the people who came there started to come in. “I guess I am” you answered smiling. “A lot of people are looking at your picture” she said. “Really?” you asked and turn to look at your picture. She was right. You were so worried and excited that you didn’t even notice.

You went there and looked at your picture. It looked so beautiful in the wooden frame and with the bright light falling gently on it. “That is a nice picture, who is the artist?” you heard a deep voice behind you.

No, it’s not happening, you told yourself.

But you knew it is. You recognized this voice, it was Junhoe, and you didn’t even need to turn around to know.

“What are you doing here?” you asked in an apathetic voice, still staring at the picture, not turning around, denying his presence there.

“I miss you, y\n” he said. You were so pissed hearing this words. You turned around and stood in front of him. “Oh you do?” you asked quietly, you didn’t want to make a scene. “Yes I-” he started to say but you kept on talking with a bitchy voice “it didn’t seem like you were when I left” you crossed your hands and gave him a cold questioning glare.

“Please let me explain” he said, looking at the ground, ignoring looking at you in shame. “Fine, but not here and not now. I won’t let you ruin my big day” you answered. You wanted to hear what he had to say, you wanted to hug him, but you also knew you won’t do it, it’s not you. “Let’s go for a walk, tomorrow, at the park, eight pm” he said shortly, avoiding your cold mean glare. “Fine” you said, and left the place.

Later this night, after you arrived home, you set on your bed. You still wore the dress, you still had the beautiful make up and your hair still looked amazing, but all of it didn’t matter. You didn’t feel pretty. You didn’t feel happy. You didn’t even know how to explain how you felt, but frustrated was the closest. You wanted to scream, to hit something. To run as far as you can. But all you did was to sit quietly on the bed and stare at the wall.

Why. Why does it have to happen to you? Why does he do that to you? You kept on asking yourself. You just started to feel like everything gets better, like you’re moving on, and he had to come and ruin it.

You barely slept this night. You woke up pretty late, but didn’t worry too much about that; you had a free day from work this day. The thing you worried about the most was Junhoe.

You left your bed and went to the kitchen, your mother was there. “Good morning, or should I say good afternoon?” she said, not even looking at you. “Good morning mom” you answered. “It was really beautiful yesterday, the exhibition” she turned to look at you. “Thanks”, you answered shortly.

“I have seen you talking to Junhoe. What was he doing there? Didn’t you two break up?” she had  a questioning glare. Ho no. the last thing you wanted to explain. “It’s a long story” you tried to avoid this conversation. “I have time” she said.

“Please mom, don’t act like you care” you said in bitterness. You wanted to cry in her arms, to ask her what to do, but you didn’t, you just acted mean. “Why are you like that?” she asked in a mean voice. There is no denial, you two are the same. “I would like to remind you that you resisted that I will move to Korea, so don’t act like you care about what happened there” you used this card. “Oh please, you are talking nonsense, those are two different things, and you know it” she answered.

She was right. You knew it, but you won’t admit it. You knew she was not the reason that you were mad, you knew she was not the one to blame, but yet, you did. “I hate you” you said without meaning it. You preferred being a heartless bitch than being weak, and you knew that she knew it.

You went to your room. You felt so pressured. How you should act tonight? Should you be a bitch? Should you be nice? Should you be forgiving? You didn’t know. You wanted to run to him and to kiss him when you’ll see him, but you won’t. You were still mad at him. He didn’t care that you leaved. And you couldn’t stop wondering who that girl that he was with is? You will never forget this moment, you came back for him, but for him it was like you never existed.

You lied in your bed and grabbed a book from the shelf. You liked to read, to discover new worlds, sometimes better than yours. But you couldn’t concentrate on the book. You read the same paragraph over and over again, being nervous about the meeting with Junhoe.

An hour before the meeting you felt like you’re going to explode from all the things you felt, why does he makes you feel this way? You searched for something to wear but couldn’t find anything. You felt like you’re going to cry. Not because the clothes, no, they were just an excuse. You didn’t know how to feel or act in a situation like this, and the tears that you hated so much filled your eyes, again.

When you finished getting ready, you took your bag and left the house, not even knowing why you’re going. The time was two minutes to eight when you saw Junhoe sitting on a bench in the park, holding a rose. You didn’t know what to do. You stood in your place, not moving, just staring. He noticed you and suddenly had a smile on his face. He got up and started to walk towards you. Every step he did made you feel more and more nervous. “Hi” he said suddenly. “Hi” you answered with a soft voice, and the two of you started to walk in the park.

“Why did you come here, Junhoe?” you asked. “I just… I miss you y\n, I need you, you were my only one and you still are” he said, and you didn’t know how to feel. “And what do you want now?” you tried to stay practical. “I want you back y\n. I will do anything for you” he smiled at you, “I…” you tried to say something but he continued, “let’s start everything again, I know you’re mad, but let’s get back together, I know I wasn’t okay, that I just let you go, but it was a mistake okay?” he talked so fast. You knew it was hard for him, to say what he thinks and feels. “I don’t know Junhoe”. You wanted to say yes, but remembered how hurt you were. “We will open a new page, we will talk about how we feel and will be honest with each other. Think of it, if not, I will go back to Korea tomorrow at three pm” he said and started to walk away.

“Wait” you suddenly said. He stopped and turned back to you. “You want to be honest? Who was that girl?” you asked. You didn’t need to explain which girl. The two of you knew who you were talking about, the other girl back then, in Korea. “Please y\n, let go of it” he said quietly. “What?” you asked, trying to make eye contact with him. “Let’s open a new page” he said. “I can’t believe it Junhoe” he didn’t say a word. “I bet it wasn’t even the first time” you said. You saw tears dropping down to the ground. “Please y\n, it was a mistake” he said quietly. “I…” you tried to say but felt the tears in your eyes, “I can’t believe it Junhoe” you said and left the place, more disappointed than when you came.

You went home as fast as you could. You didn’t want to see anyone you know. After few minutes you arrived to your home. You wanted to cry alone in your bed, to not see anyone, but as you entered your home you saw your mother.

“Why are you crying y\n?” she asked. “I’m not” you tried to hide your face. “I know you do” she said again, “what happened y\n?”.  "You know what? It’s none of your business" you said, annoyed. You pushed her gently from your way and walked to your room.

She didn’t give up. She followed you to your room and set on your bed next to you, and you couldn’t stop your tears anymore. She lied next to you, cuddling you. You cried loudly and she held you close, like she used to when you were a child. “He cheated on me” you said while crying. Only when you said it you realized what he did. How could he? Why?

“It will be fine” your mother said calmly. Yes, it will, you thought, but now it’s not. You didn’t want her to let go of you, never, and she didn’t, until you fell asleep in her arms with your wet face.

You woke up pretty late the day after. Although you slept a lot, you felt exhausted. The hour was one pm. luckily, at this day you worked only at night. ‘One pm’ you thought to yourself. In two hours, Junhoe will leave, and you won’t see him ever again. You thought knowing that will make you feel better, but it didn’t.

You wanted to see him, to say goodbye, but you were also really mad at him. Without even noticing you got dressed and walked towards the door. “Where are you going?” your mother asked. You didn’t want to answer. Not because you didn’t want to tell it, but because you didn’t want to admit where you go to yourself. You felt so weak doing it.

“I have something to do at the gallery” you lied and left the house. You entered your car and started to drive. Only twenty minutes and you arrived. You parked your car and left it. You went to the airport entrance.  Then you saw him through the transparent entrance doors. He stood there, holding his suitcase, looking for something with his eyes.

You knew what he was looking for, you. You two were the same. Just like you looked for him, he looks for you, but will you give him this satisfaction, knowing you came back for him? And what will you say? It’s not like you forgave him or you want him back, why did you even came?

Junhoe kept looking around as you got scared by someone touching your shoulder. “Are you okay?” your mother asked. You whipped your tears, “how did you…” you started to ask, “please y\n, I know you” she said. “Let’s go home” you said coldly you turned around to go.

You entered your home and walked straight to your room. You lied in your bed and stared at the ceiling. You felt actually better, knowing you won’t see Junhoe anymore and knowing your mother is there for you. At this moment, you knew for sure that everything is okay and will be okay, and in all this sadness you felt and between all the tears, you still smiled to yourself and it was alright.  

~

Please let me know what you think (:

-Rotem

I have a problem with the King of Arendelle.

(Btw, if you’re gonna use this shitty gif, do so. My gifs suck but they’re enough to convey what I want to be said.)

King: Elsa what have you done? This is getting out of hand! 
Elsa: It was an accident! I’m sorry, Anna…

I think this precise scene was the foundation of Elsa’s self-doubt and self-hatred. I know that the King reacted the way he did because he was scared for Anna’s life, but the way that he accused Elsa was just uncalled for.  I know that everything was just so sudden and they didn’t expect to see what they have witnessed…but for a person to accuse someone like that, there must have been a brewing frustration targeted towards that person. Instead of asking “Elsa, WHAT happened?” the king was fast to point fingers and angrily stated, “Elsa, what have YOU done?” He didn’t even ask if she was okay. And it also bothered me the way he said, “THIS is getting out of hand” with that hard and almost disgusted tone in his voice. What exactly is “THIS?” Why couldn’t he just say, “Your powers are getting out of hand!” or something remotely close to naming it rather than dismissing it at something that is blatantly offensive? 

I know that we can all agree that Elsa and Anna’s parents did what they thought was best. But it doesn’t mean that they did it the right way. How they handled the situation was emotionally detrimental to both of the girls. Although they tried to protect them both, the damage was just as equally devastating. They hid Elsa and Elsa’s powers from Anna without really acknowledging the fact that this would hurt Anna immensely, too. That this would affect her childhood and well-being because there will be so many questions and so much confusion with little to no solace or conclusion. All those years that Anna asked her parents and was given no reason surely took a blow in Anna’s self-worth and confidence with that thinking and belief that her own sister hated her. And Elsa being treated like a ticking time bomb by her own parents and being isolated from the world and from her own sister can make someone truly feel abominable and horrible. And that was Elsa’s assessment of herself in so long. 

Elsa hated herself and Anna thought Elsa hated her. 

Just look at Elsa’s face here after how her father reprimanded her. She looked so hurt…and so betrayed. As if she wanted to ask, “Really, dad? You really think I did this on purpose? You really think I would harm my sister on purpose? Is this how you really look at me?” She was just a little girl born with these powers that no one in her family has and she was trying to make the best of the situation by using them to play with her sister and have a close relationship with her. As the heir, so much pressure was being unloaded to the next ruler of Arendelle. And it didn’t help the fact that she was different. If you listened to the “Frozen” soundtrack’s outtakes, there is this song called “We Know Better” with Elsa singing to baby Anna in the first verse. The lyrics spoke of Elsa’s reluctance to be a princess because of all the things that she was expected to do. She wasn’t really allowed to make that many mistakes hence echoing her father’s words, “Elsa, what have YOU done? THIS is getting out of hand!”

You’re going to be queen. You need to get your act together. You’re supposed to be the big sister and you should know better. You have these ice powers that could possibly ruin this kingdom if people find out and here you are showing them off—-look at what YOU have done to your sister. THIS is getting out of hand.

Elsa: Hello little baby, you’re princess just like me
Bet you’re thinking maybe it’s a pretty cool thing to be
But soon you’ll see that everyone expects a lot from you
They’ll say that there are things a princess should and shouldn’t do
But you and me, we, we know better

(“We Know Better”) [Frozen OST outtake]

But yeah. No wonder Elsa, as Disney had confirmed, is a metaphor for depression and anxiety. There was no room for mistakes. No room to explain herself. Her every act was governed because..well, she was going to be queen. In a kingdom of isolation where her only friends were self-hatred, loneliness, and anxiety with that gnawing echo of her father’s voice, “Elsa, what have you done?” over and over replaying in her mind. The very same question she asked herself everyday after hearing those little hands knocking on her door and pretending they weren’t heard. The very same desperate question she asked herself after hearing Anna cry against her door begging for her to come out and asking her older sister what she did wrong so she can fix it and never do it again. The very same haunting question that she asked herself when her parents died and she could not go to the funeral nor even open the door to comfort her grieving sister.

The very same broken question she asked herself while touching Anna’s frozen face for the first time in thirteen years. 

anonymous asked:

Wait what the hell. Snape is constantly victim-blamed and misunderstood by HP fans all the time, idk what books you read but if you actually paid attention you'd know he's the one who needs empathy and defending.

First? I’m establishing that he’s my favorite character. Literally #1, maybe tied with Lupin on a given day. I still write and read Snape fanfic. After all these years. (Ew, gross I hate that quote, haha).

I think this is important because I notice my fellow fans making excuses for him constantly and selectively recalling certain things in his storyline and not others. I want my diehard potterhead pals to see we can criticize him appropriately (and a lot) & stay serious fans. And we can stop romanticizing his very, very dark storyline.

It is not about how bad he had it growing up. It’s about how he adjusted, grew, and dealt with things as a grown man. I have endless empathy for his terrible childhood (having had strikingly similar disadvantages), and I hope everyone does. And at times, yes: Snape is victim-blamed. His difficult life made it hard for him to be accepted, and sometimes this was over petty shit like his appearance or his poverty (like the dirty underwear—which made me cry for literally days after reading in book 5). So he joined up with the bad crowd, not uncommon for those of us who struggle. And I empathize with how this caused so much bad in his life, from calling Lily a mudblood to becoming a Death Eater. But by the time he is a Death Eater, he is still an adult man, and he is responsible for himself. And he does some good and some bad with that.

We know the good: he saved Harry, looked after him many times (quidditch, shrieking shack, forbidden forest, etc.), worked as a spy in the most violent dark wizard group, killed a mentor he loved when he had to, gave his life for the war, and so much more. We all know this stuff, but his story doesn’t end there. So let’s move on to the bad:

  1. Snape emotionally abused his students. He targeted Harry and his friends relentlessly because of a childhood insecurity associated with a dead man. This is horrid, and it is inexcusable. Harry was not Snape’s abuser; James was. There is the flimsy argument that it was all for show due to his position as a spy, but I’d argue he had a choice: he could be nice (or at least decent) to Harry and explain to the Dark wizards that THAT was an act to please Dumbledore. Either way, this seems flimsy, especially given Snape’s personalized lines of abuse (“you’re like your father,” etc.)
  2. Snape abused Neville to the point that his literal WORST FEAR IN THE ENTIRE WORLD was Professor Snape (remember the boggart?). At 13, with parents mentally tortured to the point of no repair and a myriad of bullies at school, Neville fears his teacher. Fuck that, Snape. No good. 
  3. Snape exposes Lupin as a werewolf, forcing a very poor man out of the first work he has gotten in yeeeeears. Lupin faces the sort of violent prejudice that prevents steady work and reliable housing. Snape ruined it to get revenge for something the Marauders did 16+ years earlier. Petty, selfish, juvenile, cruel, prejudiced, unforgivable. No matter how damaged Snape was by the awful abuse of the Marauders, he is not excused for exploiting social prejudice to cut off the lifeline of a man he hasn’t seen in over a decade. I will never forgive this.
  4. Snape left the Death Eaters for one reason and one reason alone: Voldemort killed Lily. I am not satisfied with this reason. Death Eaters are genocidal wizard supremacists. THIS is the reason he should have left—not just because he finally lost someone who mattered to him in particular. (I have heard the argument that the Lily thing was the straw that broke the camel’s back, but there is no textual evidence to support this, imo.) 
  5. LILY. GOD, THE LILY SHIT! It doesn’t get me heated as bad as the Lupin shit because the werebaby is my #2/#1 fave, but, fuck, I think this is actually worse. He called her MUDBLOOD. Lily is 100% justified in distancing herself from him after this. He is not a victim of Lily. Lily is a victim of Severus. He loved her, and that’s fine, but he did not understand how to respect her as a person, honor her boundaries, and understand her freedom to date who she pleases. Love is not enough as we see in the Severus/Lily story. I will excuse his teenage cruelty only because he was so young and mentally weak from abuse and ostracism, but it unfortunately extends into his adulthood. His love becomes obsession, I would argue. It is not healthy to emotionally stalk after someone when they are married to someone else. Lotta people make excuses here. (“He loves her!”) Fine, you have your (shitty, wrong, creeper apologist) opinion, I have mine. What is NON-DEBATABLE is the fact that he took out his childish jealousy of James on Harry and only looked after Harry because of a creepy, hollow sense of attachment to his mother. Which would have been sweet if he had not been cruel to Harry the whole time & seriously abusive and creepy to Lily as he aged, like fuck. The attachment was basically fabricated in his mind, maybe because he was so lonely, whatever. It’s sad he was lonely; it’s not okay that he felt so entitled to her. It’s not okay that he couldn’t honor her memory or her choices by being kind to her son.

And you know what? I’ve seen way longer lists of his bad behavior, but I’m cutting mine “short” since the Lily stuff gets on people’s nerves. They really wanna read it sweet, and I’m having none of it. The “always” line is the creepiest shit, and I do not enjoy its widespread popularity.

Snape did some cool stuff, but y’all are delusional if you think that it excuses his garbage behavior. He is an adult responsible for his prejudices and abusive behavior. He is *dynamic* and *fascinating* and also definitely awful. Maybe it’s not his fault (eh, he’s an adult, so imma sat it is), but he definitely does some shit stuff & I won’t overlook it because he cried out some memories into a vial.