this show got it right with these two

lclb13  asked:

Telling Evil you are having his baby after a one night stand?

Poor Evil. Forgot to wrap it before he tapped it. The only way you were able to track him down was by buying a ticket to one of his shows. It was irresponsible, but the two of you didn’t even exchange names before you fucked in the club bathroom. When that positive sign showed up you cried. You only found him by happening across a poster advertising one of his fights.

You got pissed off when he purposefully ignored you. You know he saw you right there in the front row. You had called to him and seen the roll of his eyes before he turned away. As soon as the match was done and he walked by without acknowledging you that was it

“I’m pregnant you asshole”. You shouted. Now that got his attention turning to you with hhis mouth gaping open as you glared at him while his teammates found the whole thing hilarious


I’m the one in the middle

Give It To Me Straight

How to create a straight relationship

She walks in. He looks at her. She looks at him. She looks away. They don’t speak to each other. Thirty minutes later, they have lunch with twenty other people. He really wants to enjoy his chicken, but he can’t, because he’s looking at her. She doesn’t like chicken. She doesn’t like him looking at her. There’s grease in his beard. And anyway, she’s been in love before, and never ended well, and he’s definitely not her type.

(Her type: boyish, cultured, well-mannered, emotionally unavailable.

This guy: literal war lord dressed in the scalps of his enemies.)

He keeps looking at her, though.

People’s reaction

How to create a gay relationship

Angel saves man from literal Hell, then rebels for him, gives up everything for him, dies for him, confronts Lucifer for him, dies for him again. Insert seven seasons of character development, longing looks, suggestive conversations, other people rolling their eyes and barely managing to control their snarkiness (”He likes you.”, “He was your boyfriend first.”) and resentment (”When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost.”). Add a dozen weird plot points which only work if true love is in the picture (”What broke the conenction?”) and blatant narrative parallels providing mirrors between their relationship and canon straight relationships on the show. Oh, and since they’re both men, make clear this is not an issue - have Character One flirt with guys, and Character Two say he’s utterly indifferent to sexual orientation. Mix, turn and twist until main characters are incapable of even surviving wihout each other and their deep bond is acknowledged by friends and exploited by enemies.

People’s reaction

Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with you - they are just friends, you do know two men can be just friends, right - why do you have to ruin things for everybody, this is Supernatural, it’s not about love stories - I’m not homophobic, it’s just what it is, Dean is straight, you’re completely obsessed and it’s an insult to the characters and the actors -

Family Dinner - Jimmy Darling Smut

Your name: submit What is this?

Requested: yup :)

Request(s):  Can you do a Jimmy Darling smutty imagine where Jimmy is sad about his hands being different and Y/N comforts him and seduces him and they have rough sex? Dom!Y/N and sub!Jimmy?? Thank you so much -anon; Jimmy Darling smut please with some fluff ;) maybe he is insecure and the reader shows him how much she loves him :) -anon; A fluffy smut Jimmy Darling imagine please :) -anon

Type: Smut

Warnings: well it’s smut lmao so idk ??? 

Summary: Lately, your best friend Jimmy seems sad all the time, and when you find out the reason why, you try to cheer him up and you accidentally let him know how you really feel about him, and prove it to him when he doesn’t believe you.


p.s. i got a little carried away with this one


You and Jimmy had been best friends for as long as you could remember. His mother and your mother had been friends since before you were born, and when your parents got divorced and you and your mother fell on hard times, Ethel was there to help. “I knew that good for nothin’ fool wasn’t worth it,” Ethel had told your mom. She practically begged the two of you to come live at the Freakshow with them, and insisted that Elsa wouldn’t mind. So, you and your mother ended up getting your own caravan right next to Ethel and Jimmy’s, and since neither of you really qualified as “freaks,” you spent your time helping with things like the cooking, and setting up the show every night. So, over the past 10 or so years, you and Jimmy had beome very close, and you couldn’t imagine it any other way.

Lately, you had been so worried about him. He’d seemed really down in the dumps, and you couldn’t figure out why. After a few days of noticing that he wasn’t eating much and barely talking to you, you decided to try and cheer him up, and maybe find out what was bothering him. So you pulled out your mother’s favorite cookbook and began making some of his favorite foods: spaghetti and chocolate cake. You figured you’d invite him and his mother over for dinner like old times, and then when you got some time alone with him, maybe try and ask him what was wrong lately.

Before beginning to cook, you told your mother what you were planning, and asked her if she would ask the Darlings to come over around 6. So you pulled down a large pot and began cooking, seeing as it was already 5.

Originally posted by everybody-loves-to-eat

At 6:04, there was a hard knock at the door, and then Jimmy peeked his head around the corner. “Hey darlin’,” he grinned, before shutting the door behind him. He had a habit of calling you pet names like darlin’ or sweetheart, and you couldn’t say you minded. Far from it actually– you couldn’t remember a time when your stomch didn’t instantly turn into a swarm of butterflies when he called you something like that.

“Our mommas might be a while, they got caught up with Eve on the walk over.” he giggled a little, his dimples popping out.

“That’s alright, we can just hang out till they get here,” you smiled back, walking over to him. “I’ve missed you, Jimmy. We don’t spend as much time togther as we used to.”

He looked down at the floor, and although you could see a blush creeping onto his cheeks, you heard him mumble something along the lines of “Yeah, sure you have.”

You looked up at him, frowning, “What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I missed you, you’re my best friend.”

“Look, I’m sorry Y/N. It’s just that…I find it hard to believe that someone like you would actually care that much about a freak like me. You’re beautiful, and normal, and I’m not. I just can’t help feeling like you’ve only stuck around because my Ma’s friends with yours.”

Suddenly it hit you. “Oh, Jimmy,” you cooed, sitting down on the couch in front of him and holding his hands in your smaller ones, “That’s why you’ve been so distant lately? You think I don’t really care about you?”

He avoided your gaze and kept quiet. “Jimmy, I… I love you.”

“What?” He asked, his eyes suddenly flicking up from the ground and meeting yours. “What’d you say?”

You could feel your cheeks heating up rapidly, but now that it was out, you figured you had nothing else to lose, so you kept going. “I said I love you.” you repeated. “I’ve loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you, when we were 8 years old and I saw you eat a worm on a dare,” you smiled, and Jimmy let out a chuckle, remembering the first time you met. “I love you more than anything else Jimmy Darling, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. And I’m sorry if I mess up our entire friendship by saying all this, but it’s too late to stop now. I don’t just care about you, I love you. And I never want to hear you say otherwise ever again, aright?”

Jimmy stood frozen in front of you, his eyes wide and his mouth sightly agape. He wasn’t speaking but he hadn’t removed his hands from their spot between your palms, so you supposed that was a good sign. “Please say something before I throw up from embaressment.”

“I love you, God I love you Y/N.” He gushed, kneeling down in front of you, “I just never said anything beause I thought you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner.” You admitted.

“W-would it be okay if I kissed you?” He asked, glancing own at your still interlocked hands. You nodded vigorously, before leaning into him and pressing your lips to his, and you swear you saw fireworks. And even though it was the first kiss you’d ever had with him, he kissed you like it would be the last.

“I love you so much,” you mumbled into his neck, “so God damn much, don’t ever forget that.” You rested your hand on his thigh, not even meant to be in a sexual way, but you head Jimmy’s breath catch in his throat, and he swallowed roughly. “Oh, you like that?” you teased, smiling as you rubbed your hand up his thigh a bit higher, until your fingers were only inches away from his crotch.

“Mhm… you can keep going, i-if you want,” he mumbled, biting his lip, before leaning down to kiss you again. 

“Wait,” you pulled away slowly, panting, “if we’re gonna do this, we should probably go to your caravan, we don’t need our mothers walking in on me blowing you, now do we?”

Jimmy laughed, his dimples showing off again, “Oh, so you’ll be blowing me?”

You rolled your eyes, but could feel a flush creeping over your cheeks as the realization of what you had said hit you. “Shut up, just hand me that notepad and a pen so they don’t worry about where we went whenever they actually get here.”

He smirked, but did as you requested, so you scribbled out a note.

You then stuck it on the cabinet above the pot of spaghetti, and quickly followed Jimmy outside and next door to his caravan, which was next to his mother’s. Once he shut and locked the door behind you, you immediately pressed his back against the wall, threw your arms around his neck and crashed your mouth to his. Your fronts were pressed together tightly, and you could feel Jimmy getting hard as you continued kissing him. You reached down and popped the button of his pants open. “Is it okay if I…?” you trailed off, knowing that he’d know what you meant. 

“Please,” Jimmy practically whimpered, and you pressed your lips to his again. Without breaking the kiss, you pushed his pants and boxers down, and began pumping him with your hand. Jimmy let out a groan into your mouth, and you pulled away from him, to kneel down and take his dick in you mouth. You placed your left hand on his hip, and your right hand on the base of his cock. “Ohhh, fuck Y/N, don’t stop.”

But soon after, you did stop, just before Jimmy came. You stood up and started unbuttoning his shirt. Jimmy then kicked off his pants, as you leaned in, and whispered, “Go wait on the bed, baby.” 

Jimmy smirked and planted a few kisses on your neck, and then did as you told him and laid back on the bed. You undressed yourself in front of him, and looked directly at him as you unclipped your bra and pulled down your panties. It was taking everything in Jimmy to not reach down and jerk himself off to the sight of you, but he knew that what was to come would be even better.

As soon as you were completely naked, you climbed onto the bed and sat straddled Jimmy’s lap. You grabbed his dick and rubbed the tip over your soaking wet slit, recieving a low, gutteral groan from the back of his throat. “Baby stop teasing.”

You slowly slid onto Jimmy’s length, and he threw his head back and sighed with relief. His hands gripped your thighs and you began building up a rhythm, as you leaned forward an gripped Jimmy’s shoulder’s. He sat up and took one of your nipples in his mouth, while he raked his hands down your back.

You let out a loud moan, and reached down to rub your clit. “You gonna cum soon baby?” you asked breathlessly. But before Jimmy could answer, you leaned down and started leaving hickeys and wet kisses all over his neck and collarbones.

A couple seconds later, Jimmy’s panting got louder, and a few quiet moanes escaped his lips, and you felt him cum inside of you. You continued moving on him until you felt your own orgasm taking over, and you practically screamed with pleasure. Once you had caught your breath, you pulled yourself off of Jimmy’s dick, and stood up.

“How are you up this fast? I’m exhausted and I didn’t even do any of the work,” Jimmy laughed, as he watched you get dressed with his hands behind his head.

You chuckled. “I am too, but we gotta go. Dinner, remember?”

Jimmy groaned, but stood up and began getting dressed as well. You stood in front of the small mirror by his bed as you ran your fingers through your hair, trying to smooth it out. Once Jimmy was fully dressed again, he hugged you from behind and rested his head on your shouler, peppering kisses on your cheek. “You ready, doll? You look gorgeous.”

You smiled and turned your head to peck his lips. “Mhm.”

The two of you walked towards you & your mother’s caravan, with Jimmy’s arm draped around your shoulders. When you pulled the door open, you saw your mom and Ethel seated at the small table, talking and laughing,

“Hey ma,” Jimmy grinned.

“Hey you two,” Ethel replied, returning Jimmy’s smile.

“Did you have fun on your walk?” your mom asked, taking a sip from the mug she was holding.

“Oh yeah,” Jimmy answered, “And lots of it.”

I’m sorry… but I will never understand how Zutara is deemed unhealthy, dark, and abusive. I refuse to believe that relationship would’ve been anything other than wholly understanding and loving - and I’ll show you why… with pictures.

At the end of season two and the beginning of season three, we see Zuko struggling with his view of right and wrong. He’s betrayed his uncle, he’s going home, he’s struggling with a whirlwind of emotion and when given the opportunity to open up, by a girl who’s known him his entire life, he readily takes it.

Mai: Aren’t you cold? 
Zuko: I’ve got a lot of my mind. It’s been so long… over three years since I was home. I wonder what’s changed. I wonder how I’ve changed. 

In any functioning, healthy relationship, you would expect this flood of feelings and thoughts to met with sympathy or input or at the very least… a hand on the shoulder and a comforting hug. Instead, Zuko is basically told to shut up, to put up, to push the feelings away because they aren’t important enough to be bothered with. 

Now, you might come at me and say well, Mai really didn’t ask. She just wanted to know if he was cold and that’s fine. I give you this: 

Under Ba Sing Se, Zuko interacts with Katara in a calm environment. This is the first time they are together and not fighting and they have a chance to talk. Katara, obviously, takes the opportunity to rant and rage about how terrible Zuko is and he quietly sits there and takes it. He only protests, peacefully stating that she knows nothing about him, when she’s finished her wild stream of thoughts, to which Katara responds as such: 

Katara: I don’t? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through. Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.  
Zuko, sympathetically: I’m sorry. That’s something we have in common.

Now, Zuko could’ve simply said I’m sorry. He could’ve stopped there. But he slips and lets a bit of information about his past hang in the air. In turn, this angry, hurt waterbender - who is raw and emotional after opening up to the enemy - could’ve easily told him to shut up. She would have every right to. He’s hurt her. He’s scared her and chased her all over the world. 

But she doesn’t. She’s known him for five minutes, but she quickly turns around and let’s Zuko open up about his life, his scar, the things that bother him. And then she offers to fix one of the things that weighs him down!!!

And these are quiet, peaceful moments between these pairs. There’s no fighting or drama. If you really want to see how these relationships function, let’s look at periods when both parties are upset with the other. 

For example, let’s assess two intense interactions between Mai and Zuko in the Boiling Rock and then, Katara and Zuko in the Southern Raiders.  

In the Boiling Rock, Mai is angry with Zuko for leaving the Fire Nation, essentially dumping her in the process, and only explaining his motivations and plans through a letter. Now, I get why she says she deserved a face-to-face conversation, but why does she think she deserves one? She shut him down when he last expressed his conflicting decisions, so why does she think he would even feel comfortable explaining his choice to commit treason? 

And look at his body language - they’re together again and there is a chance for her to let him express himself in the way she wants, but she’s belittled him. He’s made to feel small and worthless by someone he thought he could trust (hmmm sound familiar *cough* Ozai *cough*). Then that’s it. She decides whatever he’s said is enough and she’s through and she throws the letter at him, promptly storming out.

Then we have the Southern Raiders… Katara feeling the bitter sting of Zuko’s betrayal in Ba Sing Se is given a chance to get an explanation from him. 

First of all, Zuko seeks her out. It’s obvious she’s pissed, but they are facing each other, having an eye-level conversation, and Zuko’s expression holds remorse and an earnest drive to fix the problem. Even in the intense, heated moment, Katara shows him a certain amount of respect. She takes him head on. She doesn’t belittle or negate him. She gives valid reasons why she’s upset and he listens and tries to fix it.

In a way, he does fix it - the best he can. Katara is heartbroken (much more than Mai is) and she let’s him take her on this journey with an unknown ending and trusts him with her decision - whatever it is. He doesn’t pressure her, he doesn’t push his thoughts or feelings on her. He let’s her be… until Katara decides she’s through and she forgives him. SHE FORGIVES HIM. She forgives the face of the enemy, the son of the man that terrorized her home, the countryman of the person who killed her mother. She forgives him and it’s like this fucking weight lifts off both of them. 

Sure… you can come at me and say Oh, well Mai saved Zuko at the Boiling Rock… Okay fine, I’ll give you that.  It didn’t change anything between them. She came right back at the end of the series and threatened him again. Is she still so incapable of understanding his motivations? Can she not see what his decision brought about? Look around you, Mai! Zuko sacrificed everything and, in turn, saved the world. He wasn’t purposefully being hurtful and vindictive. He wasn’t trying to disappoint you. He was trying to bring about a better future and he fucking succeeded. 

And I just want to post that image side-by-side with the image of Katara kneeling over him post-lightning scene. Katara watches Zuko - the future Fire Lord, the world’s last chance for a decent ruler in the Fire Nation - throw his life by the way side in favor of hers. He literally tossed aside everything they’d worked for and hoped for - he almost gave it all up to save her life.

Mai - who’s relationship was sacrificed for the greater good - threatens Zuko. Katara - who’s last year has been spent training and building up to this final battle - doesn’t. She understands him. She gets him. She’s grateful for him.

From their very first, real interaction, Katara gets Zuko. She takes the time to learn about him and he takes the time to learn about her. It’s healthy. It’s conducive. And even if you don’t think it’s romantic, it’s certainly some next level friend shit. 

If anything, it’s the first relationship shown here that’s unhealthy. 

Lab Partners Pt.1 (M) | Yoongi

Part 1Part 2 | Part 3

Genre: Smut + High School AU 

Word Count: 2,240

Description: What happens when your dreams get taken over by your newly assigned lab partner Min Yoongi?

Originally posted by sayjjanhae

You could feel the sweat pooling at your forehead, because of the intensity at which your bodies were connecting. You felt his teeth rake down your thighs, causing you to moan in desperation. Your fingers find his hair, and start pulling, to try and relieve some of the pressure building up inside of you.

He pulls your underwear off, and positions his face between your legs. You look down at his animalistic eyes, and you see him about to bring his smirking lips to your wetness, when you suddenly hear a beeping.

Oh god please not again.

Keep reading

Private Moments

Drabble request from anonymous

Jon Snow x Reader

24. “Get over here and make me.”
30. Attending a wedding together

Warnings: fluffy Jon

Words: 751

“Y/N if you get any more beautiful I’m not going to be able to let you out of this room” your love chuckled, wrapping his big arms around you from behind. You let yourself relax into his embrace, giggling as his scruff tickled your neck and collarbone.

“Oh hush Jon” you said, twirling in his arms to face him. Your hand cupped his cheek as you leaned up on your tip toes to kiss him.

“I’m serious, sweetheart. You’re all mine and I can’t have other men eyeing you up” he let out a playful growl and pulled you down onto the bed, rolling on top of you and peppering your face and neck with kisses as you giggled. Through his hail of kisses you managed to get a few words out,

“Excuse me, sir but I need to get ready for your brother’s wedding” you kept laughing at the soft, sweet kisses Jon was now placing all over your arms and hands.

“Call me sir again” he mumbled with out looking at you and bit down on your shoulder.

“Jon!” you nearly screeched as he pinned you down and continued biting and kissing your neck. Somehow you managed to wriggle out of his grip and get back over to the mirror to do your hair and readjust your dress since Jon pushed the straps off of your shoulders. Once you were finished braiding your hair and fixing your dress, you fastened the necklace that Jon had given you when the two of you had been together for a year, a delicate silver snowflake pendant with a silver chain.

To your surprise, you turned around to find Jon passed out on the bed, snoring lightly and still in his sleeping clothes. You threw a pillow from the chair at his head, hitting him square in the face. You chuckled as he startled awake, nearly falling off the bed.

“Not funny, Y/N” he grumbled, turning to his side and cuddling the pillows tight. A signal that he clearly was not ready to go to the wedding that was only in a few short hours.

“Come on Jon, you have to get ready” you said over your shoulder as you put your earrings into your earlobes and put the final touches on your outfit, making sure everything was perfect.

Get over here and make me” he smirked, raising an eyebrow, taunting you.

“Jon Snow if you don’t get ready for this wedding and we end up being late, you won’t touch me until winter comes” you threatened, a smirk playing across your own face when his eyes went wide with concern. He let out a groan that you could have sworn was him whining and he growled “Fine” as he got up off the bed and grabbed his clothes and furs for the wedding.

After your boyfriend quite regrettably got dressed into the clothes for the wedding, he walked over to you while puffing out his chest.

“How do I look?” he asked, pulling you to stand by lifting under your chin with his hand.

“Dashing as always, my love” you smiled, pressing your lips to his with the intention of it being a brief kiss, but Jon had other ideas.

He snaked an arm around your waist, pulling you flush to his chest and kissed you so deeply and passionately that you were sure if he wasn’t holding onto you so tightly you would have passed out and fell to the floor right there.

“How you manage to take my breath away every single day, I don’t think I’ll ever understand” you laughed out, resting your head on his chest.

“Same here, sweetheart” he kissed you lightly on the top of the head, “Come on, let’s go show up everyone else at this wedding with how incredible we look.”

The giggles that escaped your chest this time were ones you couldn’t stop. The kind Jon always got out of you, the carefree laughing that made him love you even more.

He loved you so much he couldn’t wait until it was your wedding that the two of you would be getting ready for. Unbeknownst to you, that day would be coming much sooner than you thought, Jon thought to himself as he lightly played with the ring in his pocket. Tonight would be the night. He’d even gotten Robb’s approval to propose to you at their wedding feast. He was finally going to ask the woman he loved to be his wife.

  • imagine a show where there are two main characters
  • imagine that neither one of them does the right thing 100% of the time
  • imagine that neither one of them even does the BEST thing 100% of the time
  • imagine that most of the time they don’t deal with their personal issues very well
  • but generally they both try very hard to do the best that they can
  • imagine that they can both be selfish at times
  • imagine that they can both sometimes make poor choices
  • imagine that they can both sometimes save the day 
  • and sometimes they can both make things worse
  • imagine that neither one of them is perfect
  • but ultimately they aren’t any more flawed than most humans
  • imagine that they are both good people at heart
  • imagine that their names are Sam and Dean Winchester
  • imagine a world where no one vilified one in the name of the other
either way (ray (saeran) x mc/reader, NSFW)

summary: Ray tells you the name of his other self and it leads to the two of you being more intimate.

rating: NSFW (spoilers for V route’s BRE 1, reader is assumed female)

notes: SO i actually first got this idea when my good ol’ pal showed me screens from V’s BRE 1 which has a lot of Ray. I couldn’t get it out just right, so I shelved it. Then another friend showed me a WIP for a smutty piece of art she was working on and i was like, ‘i feel the need to write something sinful.’ so here we are. tbh, i feel like i’ve written a lot of saeran sin but all of it is in my wips so… technically not. 

i did my best proof-reading but i know it’s not perfect in the slightest, but still, i really, really hope you guys enjoy!! 

Keep reading


I tried to recommend the ones that haven’t been mentioned before, but if you see a repeat, that just means you must read it. The ones with a star ( ★ ) are the fics that I absolutely love and those that I’m keeping a close eye on because they’re sooo good  ♥  I put the list under the cut because it’s too long. Also, © means the fic is complete, (O) is for ongoing, and (1) is for oneshot. ENJOY!

PS: You might wonder - why ShisuixHinata? Well, just read the fics below to find out. I might be able to convert you *evil laughter*

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anonymous asked:

That's two big award shows that Louis has missed that at least one of his bandmates have attended - EMAs and AMAs. Louis/his team doesn't look like they're trying to build a solo career with him being MIA and zero visibility in industry events. He has a single to promote and he has zero press or appearances. Meanwhile, Bebe at the AMAs red carpet has promoted her upcoming EP and talked collabs. Niall is killing it out there. Liam got so much buzz from EMAs. Louis is nowhere on the pop radar.

Hi anon,

You’re right. Again - it’s deliberate. 

JGG knows how to do their job, because they do it for the Script and they do it for J*mes Arth*r. 

SJPR knows how to do their job, because they do it for Niall.

Syco & Epic know how to do their job, because they do it for Camila Cabello, Fifth Harmony. 

So the conclusion is that they’re purposely trying to erase him from people’s mind when it comes to the music scene. Don’t let them


part one here. 

  • ❝ I’m a stupid fart. ❞
  • ❝ Shit I wanted to be Yoshi. ❞
  • ❝ Does Bruno Mars is gay? ❞
  • ❝ I ain’t above punching rats! ❞
  • ❝ Finally, I can water my pizza. ❞
  • ❝ I hate you, [ name ]! What have you turned me into?! ❞
  • ❝ That’s a one way ticket to FUCK YOU. ❞
  • ❝ You think I came out the pussy drawing fuckin’ Mozart? ❞ 
  • ❝ Aw I’m so tired I could fucking eat a gazelle. ❞  
  • ❝ You are uninvited for my birthday party. ❞
  • ❝ At age six I was born without a face. ❞
  • ❝ I’m a sexy widdle baby.❞
  • ❝ You’re hard to love, but you’re harder to hate. ❞
  • ❝ The tears are bittersweet but the pie is delicious. ❞
  • ❝ Taco bell can cure diabetes. You can quote me on that. ❞
  • ❝ Matter cannot be created or destroyed, you stank bitch. ❞
  • ❝ I’d fistfight literally any penguin you put in front of me. ❞
  • ❝ I still want to be your friend, even if you’re not a dinosaur. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t fucking cock tease me, broseph. ❞
  • ❝ Goddamn fucking wolf asshole piece of shit. ❞
  • ❝ Being a spider looks like it FUCKING RULES. ❞ 
  • ❝ First of all I’m not a child, I’m a princess. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t count your chickens before they egg. ❞
  • ❝ My butt is clenched as tight as it will go. ❞
  • ❝ Extra! Extra! Read all about it! [ name ] SUCKS! ❞
  • ❝ Don’t jump into a guy’s knife. It will kill you dead. ❞
  • ❝ I’m always right. Except when I’m wrong…which is often. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I was a hundred percent honest with myself then shit would suck.  ❞
  • ❝ I am not physically good at anything. Except yelling a lot. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve got reeses pieces. But I’m dead so they’re deceases’s pieces.  ❞ 
  • ❝ If there’s two things I’m down with, it’s hating tomatoes and the sickness. ❞
  • ❝ A woman’s drinking poison, wh- uh wuh how, why, eh, she dies, wh-why did she die? Show your work. ❞
  • ❝ My goal is to pee in every major body of water on Earth. ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna fuckin’- I’m gonna open hand slap you across the eyes. ❞
  • ❝ Step on him. Step on him and crush him. Mail the remains to his family. ❞
  • ❝ You say ‘tomato’, I say ‘what the fuck are you doing in my house? ❞
  • ❝ You know what really brings me closer to my friends? Ass fucking. ❞
  • ❝ Do you think if you urinate and pre-cum at the same time it’s pre-pre? ❞
  • ❝ You can’t open up the story of my life and just fucking go to page 738 and think you know me.  ❞
  • ❝ Ronald McDonald doesn’t make me wanna eat a hamburger. He makes me wanna call the police. ❞
  • ❝ One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, am I right? Your life is my treasure. And it was trash for you. Your life is trash is basically what I’m saying. ❞
  • ❝ Are you fucking with me right now? I feel like someone’s getting fucked with and I think its me all of a sudden. ❞
  • ❝ Every titty is unique and special. And I don’t mean every PAIR of titties, I mean every titty. ❞
  • ❝ I’m having like a silent, mental breakdown. That being said I’m cool with death now. ❞
  • ❝ I like butts in general. I was gonna say I like big butts, but I just like all the butts. And boobs. And faces. I like the female form. ❞ 
  • ❝ Someone asked me what my idea of the perfect date to take a girl/guy on was, and I was like “Well…” I was like ‘I don’t know, I guess we could just, fuckin’, wander around Whole Foods long enough that we could get enough cheese samples, then we could call it a night.  ❞
  • ❝ That’s not even nightmare fuel. That’s nightmare fuel for like the nightmare bus that you drive off the nightmare cliff into nightmare canyon. ❞
Aaaand THAT's why you don't come to work drunk.

When I was a front desk agent at a hotel, we hired a new night auditor who worked the shift right after me most days. I had been asked to stay one hour later (basically overlapping our shifts) for a week or two to help her get a grasp on some of the basic stuff that she might have forgotten during her training.

This lady was your very typical “cat lady”. Literally. Probably about 60, looked like she lived in a trailer park, scraggly hair, didn’t smell ago great. Why she was hired I don’t know. But either way, that’s what it was. Two or three days in, she started coming in smelling of alcohol. She worked nights alone. Meaning I was the only one who would have seen her in this state. The first two times I didn’t really say anything. I didn’t know her well or her situation, but I kept an eye out because she seemed lazy and incompetent. She was also just a rude lady in general and wasn’t nice to guests (or me).

Then one day, right when she came in to start her shift, I got slammed. A tour bus of asians came in at 10 pm and I was scrambling to check them all in. Usually these people (we got a lot of tour buses) would not really understand etiquette and would demand that we connect them to the wifi. They usually didn’t speak English and their phones were not in English. Needless to say I was completely overwhelmed.

First offense- she just stood there when the phone was ringing. She said she was too scared to answer it. I’m not her manager, but I finally told her “Hey, you have to answer the phone and I need help right now”. I was still in the middle of the tour bus mess. She still didn’t answer the phone, and watched me check them in.

Second offense- when the people were coming up to us after checking in motioning for us to sign them into the wifi, she would shake her head and shrug her shoulders and then point to me. Basically saying, I don’t speak your language go to her.

Third offense- She reeked of alcohol.

Fourth offense- as the tour group was headed up to their rooms and was basically done, she says to me, “Hey do you mind if I go run and grab a pizza? i’m starving.” Uhhh lady you JUST got to work and also you could just order delivery. I’m not staying here doing YOUR job.

Fifth offense- She called my personal cell three times (one past midnight) instead of our manager to ask very very obvious questions.

Sixth offense- She looked in my personal binder that I kept in the office for my login. She used my login to do all of her work that night. The next day, my manager was PISSED at me because it looked like I had overbooked us because it was under my login.

That was it.

So two days later on my shift, she came in and I changed my tone. i asked her what her favorite bar was and we started talking casually. i secretly turned on my recorder on my phone and got her to admit to drinking right before work. She even admitted to driving drunk to work. Most incriminating? She asked if I wanted to sneak a bottle of wine from our bar later.

I excused myself to the bathroom and called my manager. She showed up and I told her EVERYTHING. I left.

The next shift I learned she had been fired and escorted by police off the premises. They found drugs in her vehicle and arrested her in our parking lot.

My reward? i knew how to look at the video cameras and watched the whole thing back with audio with my maintenance guy. Some people.

anonymous asked:

8 with Peter Quill

8. “We accidentally got married in Vegas, oops” 

“We should get married.” 

You nearly choked on your sandwich as Peter walked into the room, nonchalantly. He eyed you carefully while you scrambled for your water to wash down the offending piece of bread. It didn’t go down easy, as you’d decided to treat yourself to a bit of extra peanut butter today, but after a few gulps, you emerged victorious. 

“Excuse me?” 

“We should get married,” Peter shrugged, now facing the cassette player you’d set up for him. He fumbled around with the controls a bit, cursing when he couldn’t get the fast forward to stop at the proper time. He gave up after a while, and just let the last 45 seconds or so of O-O-H Child to play out, leading into Hooked On A Feeling.  

“Its been a year and you just recently let me start leaving a toothbrush on your ship. Now you want to get married?”

“Where I come from, toothbrushes are a sign of eternal love,” he replied as he dug around the kitchen for food. His entire body moved to the rhythm of the music. 

“You come from two towns over, and I’m pretty sure that’s not what it means.”

“I mean space. There are customs that you aren’t familiar with.”

“Stop using space as an excuse for every time you act like an idiot. Why do you want to get married?” 

Peter drummed his fingers against his side. “Because I love you?” 

“Try again.”

“You know, here I am trying to propose and you’re shooting me down. Do you not want to get married?”

“No. I do. But any time I even slightly mention that, you get all panicky and change the subject,” you paused, “Yesterday! You even did it yesterday! Remember? I was–”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Peter held his hands up in surrender. “You can’t freak out. If you freak out then…then I don’t know. Something bad,” he ran his fingers through his hair nervously and continued when you didn’t speak. “Remember like two weeks after we met, you took me on that trip? You know, to show me what I’ve been missing out on since I left Earth?” 

“Yes,” you replied slowly. 

“And remember when we did Vegas? You won all that money playing Blackjack and we celebrated with like…so much alcohol and we got really drunk and we had sex in the back of that limo–which, come to think of it was the first time we had sex and–”

“Peter. Focus.”

“Right, right,” he smiled sheepishly. “Well we got drunk. Really drunk. And actually you were way drunker than me because you can’t hold your liquor–”


His mouth snapped shut and he pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing in defeat. “We accidentally got married in Vegas, oops.”

You stared at him blankly. “What…?”

He pulled two rings out of his pocket and tossed them on the table before you. They were cheap looking. His was gold, though the paint was chipping off to reveal an ugly brown color underneath. Yours had a comically large faux diamond on it; something that looked like it could be found in a child’s dress-up jewelry box. 

“We got married. We’ve been married. We’re married. You were still blacked out the next morning. I hid everything. It was a panic move.” 

You tilted your head to the side. It should have been a lot of information to take in, but you were surprisingly okay with the whole thing. This definitely wasn’t the first time that you’d imagined your name with his behind it. Sure, you were irritated that he’d kept such a big secret from you, but in a way, it was sort of romantic. Or maybe you were just being stupid. It wouldn’t be surprising. You had, after all, apparently picked out that god awful ring. 

It sparkled in the light–as much as cheap plastic could–and you smiled. 

“I’ll only forgive you if you give me a proper proposal and a proper wedding.”

“Deal,” Peter said quickly in a breath of relief, and got down on one knee. He looked up at you and mirrored your smile. Perhaps this accident wasn’t such a bad thing, after all.

Ivonne’s 12 Days of Deadpool, #6

Spideypool x Reader,  smut ya’ll. 

You are left alone at your company's Christmas party. Where are those two idiots?

#1, #2 , #3 , #4 , #5 , #6 , #7 , #8 , #9 . #10 , #11, #12, #13

Mariah Carey singing ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ blasted throughout the conference room, as you sipped cheap wine in the corner. This was suppose to be a fun night with Wade and Peter, they both were happy to come to your company’s Christmas party; especially with an open bar. But at the last minute, Peter had some Spidey duties to uphold and Wade opted to tag along to help get the job done quicker, leaving you all alone. Not that you hated your co-workers, they were all pretty nice. It’s just that you were looking forward to getting piss drunk with your boys and possibly making complete fools out of yourselves.

Sighing, you pouted in the corner, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Everyone was socializing and taking advantage of the open bar, so you strolled over to it and ordered another whiskey sour.

Keep reading

She’s mine

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader & Bangtan

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1395

Request: Can you please make a scenario where Jungkook, his wife, and 2 kids have family time with the other 7 members too? I’m sorry I’m in a fluffy mood :’)

↠ Masterlist | ↠ Ask/Request

Originally posted by sassyjungkooks

“Y/N-ah, can you please come here and help me?”

The moment you heard your husbands helpless voice, you chuckled and placed the last plate on the table and walked toward the siblings room. when you opened the door you gasped and your eyes opened widely. Jungkook was sitting on the floor, one hand holding a diaper and the other holding your three year old daughters legs, who was trying to turn around while your husband was struggling to bind the diaper around your daughters belly. Your son on the other hand was standing behind Jungkook, both arms wrapped around his fathers neck while he was trying to feed Jungkook from his own bottle. 

Taking out your phone, your recorded the moment without Jungkook noticing and when your son succeeded putting his own bottle in Jungkook’s mouth, you couldn’t hold it in and a loud laugh escaped your mouth.

All of them turned their head toward the door and your son, Haneul, started running toward you with his arms wide open. “Eommaaa!”

Picking him up, you kissed him on the cheek and walked to his sister, Hana, who was now trying to put her socks on, her father being finally successful with tying her diaper around her belly. 

When you sat in front of Jungkook you looked at his face. He looked really exhausted. You smiled at him and kissed his cheek. “Hey, you okay?”

He slumped his shoulders and leaned forward, nuzzling his head in the crook of your neck and shaking his head cutely. “No, this was harder than I thought.”

Chuckling at his respond, you placed a little kiss on top of his head. “You insisted to do it. I told you that it was not easy.”

From the corner of your eye you saw your little daughter pouting sadly. Walking slowly toward you, she placed herself on your lap and nuzzled her little head on the other side of your neck. “Hana wants a kiss too.”

Melting at her little voice, you placed a big kiss on her head wrapped your arm around her little frame. “I think someone is jealous.”

Seeing this, your son copied the movements his sister did seconds ago and kissed your nose. “Eomma loves me the most!”

Hearing this, your daughter shouted. “No, she loves me the most!”

“No, she loves me the most!” And this time it was Jungkook’s voice.

Standing up, you interrupted their little fight by clapping your hands. “Hey, hey. I love you all the same, okay? So please, let’s go down and prepare the last things for the dinner.”

They all nodded and stood up, ready to go downstairs. Reaching out for Hana’s and Haneul’s hand, you walked with them toward the door. “Ah, and Jungkook, I don’t know if you noticed this or if you’re liking the taste of Haneul’s milk but I think you should stop holding his bottle in your mouth. I don’t think you want to be seen by the boys like that.” 

The only thing you heard from Jungkook was a little gasp and a mumble. “Omg, I think I definitely lost my mind..”

The moment the siblings heard the door bell, they started running toward it. “Yeeey, the uncles are here.” they both said at the same time. 

The boys smiled at their cuteness, Taehyung already holding them both in his arms and laughing with them, while the others started taking their shoes off and hugging you tightly. 

Guiding them toward the dining room, you all sat around the table and started eating and talking. You were sitting between Jungkook and Jimin, Jimin already starting to tease his younger dongsaeng. “Mhm, Y/N, I missed your cooking so much. How can you be so talented and beautiful at the same time?”

You felt Jungkook shift beside you and looked at Jimin. He winked at you and leaned in your ear, whispering. “Let’s tease him a little bit.”

You smiled back at him as a sign that you would play along. “Thank you, Oppa. I think you’re really handsome and talented too.”

The moment you heard Jungkook clearing his throat, you looked up at the other boys. They were snickering too.

“Y/N, did you know that Jimin has a little crush on you since you two met-”

Before Yoongi could end his sentence, he was interrupted by an coughing Jungkook, who was literally choking on his drink. 

Patting his back, you looked at him worried. “Are you okay?”

However his eyes were fixed on Jimin, burning little holes in his head. “Hyung, what did Yoongi hyung say?”

Jimin was trying to hold in his laughter but Taehyung being Taehung started laughing and hearing him, everyone else started laughing too. “Yah, we were just joking, calm down.”

Jungkook on the other hand relaxed and took a deep breath. “Oh thank god, I thought Yoongi hyung-”

Suddenly, Jimin wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you toward himself, interrupting Jungkooks words. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I still think that she’s beautiful and talented.”

Jungkook started glaring again and reached out for your hand, pulling you toward himself and connecting your lips. You tried to lean back but he was holding you so tightly that you couldn’t move. You heard the boys groaning and shouting the words ‘Yah, the children are sitting here.’, ‘Yah, yah, get a room.’, ‘Omg, stop it you’re sinning my precious eyes’.

After what felt like ten years, Jungkook leaned back and wrapped his arms around you tightly. “I’m sorry, Hyung. She’s my wife and only belongs to me.”

You on the other hand were sitting there, looking like a tomato while covering your face with your hands. Could someone please think about you too?

After eating your dinner and cooling down from that embarrassing moment, you decided to play Tabu with the boys. The siblings were already sleeping, being tucked to bed by their favorite uncle, Taehyung.

“I want to be in a group with Y/N-ie, Jimin-ie and Taehyung-ie.” Hoseok shouted with his hand raised in the air, jumping around like a little kid.

Jungkook intertwined your hand and left a little kiss on it. “No, Y/N is going to be in my group.”

“Hyung, let them be in a group before Jungkook-ie starts crying in front of us.” Taehyung chuckled in between his words. 

“He’s right, Hoseok.” Seokjin said while laughing too.

When you turned to Jungkook, you saw him glaring at Taehyung. “Hyuuung, stop it~”


The game was already nearing its end and the score was 4:4. It was your turn to explain the word on the card and Jungkook’s turn to guess it. The moment you heard Namjoon’s voice shouting ‘Start!’ you took a card and looked at the word.  



You looked at Jungkook and smiled. He was sitting on his knees, looking carefully at your movements. You held your index finger out in front of you. He nodded and said excitedly. “One word!”

You nodded and confirmed his answer. Moving your hands now in front of your chest, you wrapped your arms like you were holding a baby and started swinging the imaginary baby from side to side. “Wait, a baby? Yes, your holding a baby!” Jungkook shouted again.

For the next move you showed him a 3 with your fingers and pointed at your belly, showing him a imaginary baby bump. “I got it! Pregnant, no no, pregnancy right? But what does the three stand for?”

When Jungkook saw the glistening in your eyes, his mouth fell open and his eyes widened. “No, n-no..” 

The moment he saw you nodding and smiling, he run toward you and wrapped you inside of his arms, laughing and crying at the same time. “Omg, omg! You’re pregnant! I’m going to be a father again. Thank you, Y/N, thank you so much.” 

All of a sudden the boys stood up and formed a group hug around the two of you while shouting sweet things in between their laughs.

Yes, another family member was joining the Bangtan family..

Author’s Note: Anon-ie! I was finally able to write your request and I hope you like it. I hope it turned out the way you imagined it. Let me know what you think about it. <3


Lupin III/Fancy Guy! NOW ON STAGE: jfc, Chigi

at fifteen you will be so sweet and see no cruel in this awful world until you meet that boy with the bags under his eyes and that car he stole and you’ve always imagined your first boyfriend to be a good boy with a good family but you ended up falling in love with the boy who misses more classes than anything else, who hates his mother and doesn’t even know his father. at fifteen you were a sweetheart so in love with the world you were so optimistic. you met him at your first party you never had a taste of alcohol before he handed to you more shots of vodka than you could ever count but by the time you could remember anything you were in his car giving him a little bit more than just your first kiss. he wasn’t anything you’ve ever imagined, no one you ever thought would be the death of you. that one time became into an everyday, and i guess the more time you spend with someone you start acting like them. it went from skipping classes, failing tests, hating your mother, drinking drinking and more fucking drinking because he told you it would bandage the scars on your wrist and make you feel better. you would come home smelling like his hoodies that he gave you, thats all you would wear now and it was hard to tell if your breath would smell more like cigarettes or beer and your father warned you about him but all you could say is ‘daddy I’m so in love with him.’ you don’t know what love is until they leave you, they fucking leave you and your left crying on the bathroom floor every single night for what seems like just yesterday he left but your mom reminds you its been 6 months and your still hurt from the boy with the bags under his eyes you fucking swear he gets no sleep at night that how is it possible that he woke up one morning deciding he didn’t want you anymore. his bad habits soon became yours. now you are seventeen and you fall inlove with any single boy just so you have a new excuse to blame on why you want to fucking die when you break up but you and your mom know that you still want to die because of that same boy from that party that made you believe that if you drink enough beer it starts to cover up your scars and makes you fall in love but little did he know he was the one bandaging your scars and you were more in love with him than the alcohol or anyone else for that matter. you loved him more than yourself and now you know better. you only wish that at seventeen someone would have warned you that at fifteen you were going to meet someone that would alter your entire world and change the way you view people and live your life. you never love as strong as you do at fifteen when you’ve never been hurt before and you never fall as fucking fast as you do when your first love crashes his fucking car right into you and you feel like you’ve died ten times over, but no he never fucking hit you with his car fuck he never even hit you with a good bye it was just a ‘ill text you when i get home babe’ and you never got that text, i wish i could say your still making your way back home but that was two years ago and I’m almost 18 breaking other boys bones just to show myself that I’m as strong as you are. I’m starting to become a lot like the person who destroyed me, i lie through my teeth and spit out i love you to any boy just to make them fall in love with me but then i crash right into them and flip their whole world upside down when i leave them in tears but little do they know I’ve been counting down the days before i leave them just the way you probably did. for someone who doesn’t sleep anymore i woke up pretty fucking fast from my liquor filled evenings to just wake up and decide i was done with them the same way you were done with me so fast, my head is still spinning from the alcohol and i don't remember how i fucking became this monster but you become the things you love and god knowns i fucking loved you.  I'm hurting others to try and bandage the scars you left me with but i guess i have to learn that unless i heal from you i will always be just like you because you are all I’ve ever known and i can’t stop being like you because its the closest thing ill ever have left of you because you haven’t returned my texts from when i was sixteen kissing any boy pretending it was you.

fifteen through seventeen 



i got a lovely ask from @ggoatboy​ regarding my note-taking tips, and while i rarely took classes where i had to take notes from text, i took a LOT of notes from lectures, so here are some tips re: those!! my great note-taking is what got me through school with a perfect GPA and minimal actual studying, so i’m big on notes

i’ll start off with saying that my lecture notes were messy af, but i had to consciously decide to not worry about it during class. your only concern during class is to listen and get down as much info as you can!

before i walk you through all this stuff, i’ll give you the quick and dirty:

  1. don’t worry about how ur in class notes look like, just focus on listening & paying attention and getting down as much info as you can.
  2. when you recopy, read through your notes carefully and figure out the best way to reorganize them; this also helps you retain the info better.
  3. pick a color scheme if you’d like, and don’t shy away from pretty headers and little post-its and anecdotes; color-coding can also be a big help. recopying notes is a great way to figure out your learning style – it took me a good while to figure out the best method for me.

okay, now, read on for the deets! 

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