this shit better actually post this time

Oh my gooooooooood ship wars are so stupid

there are better things to spend your energy on y'all

you don’t need to be rude about people enjoying fictional pretendy-time romance that happens to make you feel icky

you don’t need to go all white knight to defend your ship from the big meanies either

stop acting like toddlers it’s annoying

just post the shit you like and be happy please arguments are bad enough when they’re actually important nobody needs more conflict in their lives

The 'I am losing a tumblr argument' tool kit

-I can’t believe you (an adult) are harassing me, I’m a MINOR!!!

-FULL ON CAPS DOUCHE BAGGERY

-Actually you ship these two characters together so you aren’t entitled to an opinion

-Sorry I don’t make the rules uwu

-Finds an old selfie you posted and makes fun of your appearance

-How dare you harass me I’m mentally ill! Ableist pig!!!

-🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

-More emojis in their reblog than there are episodes of One Piece

-‘Your’ instead of 'you’re’

-Link to a Buzzfeed article to prove their point

-You aren’t worth my time anymore, I have better things to do

-Also, this 💅 emoji

Not really in the mood for ecchi mangas rn but I’m bored af, let’s see how bad this is gonna be-

Wait- so THE LADY ARMOR IS ACCURATE AND DOESN’T DO THE BOOB-ARMOR STYLE?! HELLO YES YOU HAVE MY ATTENTIO- no wait I’m not falling for that, could be like that one time with the anime lady’s basketball and have ““cutesy”“ weak moves and no actual powerful action-

*wheezes* ok you have 90% of my attention-

HELLO YES, NOW (combining the points from the previous statement) YOU HAVE

100%

OF MY ATTENTION

ocean man, take me by the hand lead me to the land,

Humans are weird

Ok, getting on the humans are weird bandwagon….

It surprises me that we haven’t talked about the most obvious thing: humans imagine things. Humans outright make shit up. (Like these posts?) Human stories often aren’t retellings of things that actually happened. Art often isn’t a depiction of true events. Humans - for want of a better word - humans sublimate. They transform their experiences into outlandish non-reality for each others’ amusement.

It takes forever for first contact to start because the aliens planning it keep getting confused by first radio, then television. Some of these depictions can’t be possible - but which ones? The first time War of the Worlds reaches the Kuiper belt, someone panics and has to double check that a more aggressive group hasn’t actually invaded.

After humans are finally integrated into galactic culture, some issues crop up.

“Did you clean the waste facility?” the Janitorial Supervisor asks.

“Well, I would have,” the human starts, then proceeds to tell an outrageous story about a cleaning bot with a knife strapped to its back which has the entire crew searching the ship for hours. The entire crew except for the humans.

The Captain finds the humans “searching” the self-poisoning cabinet in one of the crew quarters.

“Oh my god,” the First Officer says, on seeing the Captain’s dust-speckled upper ears. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you really fell for that. Stabby is a cryptid, Harold!”

The Captain’s name is not Harold, but that is another, even longer story.

The Captain exhales. “What is a cryptid?”

The assistant medical officer sits up straighter, his drink sloshing dangerously. The Captain has learned what “a gleam in his eye” means and how to detect it. They sit, resigned. There’s no escaping now.

An hour later, the Captain explains the concept of cryptids in considerably less detail to the embarrassed and confused Supervisor. Along with the concept of lying.

“But how do you know the difference?” the Supervisor asks, wringing their tentacles in mixed embarrassment and worry.

“Find another human,” the Captain advises. “Check for signs of mirth.”

This turns out to be prescient, because on their next planetary stop, two of the human field officers come running back into the base camp, out of breath and without the rest of their scouting team.

“Nasty buggers with teeth!” one gasps. Though the other officers appear skeptical, the Captain glances at the First Officer, who is already setting down her meal and grabbing her favorite flamethrower. The assistant medical officer yanks his kit straps over his shoulders, face grim.

“Arm yourselves,” the Captain tells the rest.

It takes about four hours, but they get everyone back more or less intact. The humans change the sign in the rec room on the ship to read: “Us: 6, Them: 0″. There is a ritual raising of liquor-filled glasses, even by the injured who are forbidden self-poisoning. The Captain begins temporary hibernation very relieved that humans are so willing to count other species as “us”.

When they ask the First Officer about it two cycles later, the First Officer looks confused, then knowing.

“My great grandmother remembers when you first showed up. They picked your people for first contact for a reason, didn’t they?”

“We look the most like you.”

“Yeah, well, that was a bad call. Gran says humans debated for months whether or not you were just other humans with good prosthetic makeup.”

The Captain blinks at this. “Most peoples are shocked and upset to learn the rest of the sentient universe does not share their appearance. Wait.” They pause. “Is that why we had so many applicants for the Janitorial position?”

The First Officer ignores that, as she usually does when the Captain doesn’t really want to know the answer.

“Do you know why cryptids exist? Why horror and violence and monsters exist in our stories?” she asks instead.

The Captain twitches both sets of ears ‘no’. “It seems unnecessary to frighten yourselves over things that don’t exist.”

“But nasty buggers with teeth do exist, even if we haven’t met them yet,” she says grimly. “And we were ready, weren’t we?”

It’s true. The humans on board have been terrifyingly adaptable, even in their violence.

The Captain feels their way carefully. “You think about things that don’t exist… sometimes even things that distress and terrify you… so that you can be ready when you face real things that distress and terrify you?”

“See, this is why you’re the Captain, Harold.” The First Officer slaps their shoulder hump cheerfully, careful to avoid the spines. “And better yet, we share the things we imagine with each other. It’s like a mental vaccine.”

“And it works?”

“Eh, sometimes. It’s not perfect. Sometimes we don’t mark our vaccines properly, or don’t realize we’re adding things we didn’t mean to. Some of them have a bad effect on some people, for various reasons. But we joined the galactic community in less than a generation. Has any other species ever done that?”

“You imagined us before you met us.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

anonymous asked:

Any opinions on Dex/Nursey as parents?

OOF. So I’m actually halfway into the first chapter of a secretdad!Nursey fic so I have a lot of dad!Nursey thoughts, but I actually had to put some thought into dad!Dex opinions, and then a good amount of thought into the combination of Dex/Nursey as parents! That said, do I have opinions on Dex/Nursey as parents? 

DO I EVER, MY FRIEND.

  • So first off: the way these boys were brought up has a Big Impact on how they are as parents.
    • Nursey was raised by two moms who loved him to pieces and let him be soft and feminine when he wanted to be and were hugely affectionate when they were there, but who also traveled a lot for work. Dex was raised by parents who also worked a lot, but who were almost always stressed about money–and he felt that stress really young and learned to internalize it. They both love their parents, but they also both picked up a lot from their parents–both “what to do” and “what not to do”.
  • That said:

(continued under the cut)

Keep reading

HOLY SHIT THIS EPISODE WAS GOOD! IT’S TIME FOR POST-SPN SCOUTTHOUGHTS!

  • AW NOOO WE BETTER GET TO HEAR MORE ABOUT CAS’S VIDEOGAME JUNKIE ANGEL FRIEND 
  • dean is the grumpiest bf ever omg 
  • LMAO THE CAR ARGUMENT 
  • cas so sessy ooohhhhh 
  • THE BENCH SEAT SCENE IS EVEN FUNNIER IN MOTION 
  • i like to imagine the lady vessel for cas actually has a super high pitched voice and cas just isn’t good with human vocal control
  • CAS YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE OUT WITH DEAN TO PROVE YOU LIKE HUMANS NOW, IT IS THE ONLY WAY 
  • sam and dean: *spend a good 20 minutes not basically almost dying but get right back to it* 
  • [DRAMATICALLY REMOVES EYEPATCH] 
  • i’m so happy that i watch spn alone because the amount of times i’ve squeaked “OHHH, CAS” is embarrassing 
  • ME, CRYING: TGEYHCGHLOVECAS THEY LOVE CAS SO MUHUHUHUUUCH

what i learned: i’m a filthy shipper but i’m not sure what else i was supposed to gain from the episode???

anonymous asked:

do you know any welsh myths? i feel like it would be fitting to have one of those!

I haven’t done anything Welsh yet, which I feel is basically just taunting my ancestors at this point, so I will grant your request. However, I’ve done it in a really arse about face kind of way, and instead of choosing one of Wales’ myriad beautiful and bizarre myths, I’ve given you a culturally appropriated folklore turned piece of false history. I hope this satisfies your Welsh craving. 

There are lots of Welsh names as well as historical information and comparative lore under the Read More, if that helps at all. If you don’t want to read the poorly retold tale of a trusty hound, a legally useless baby and an improbable wolf, then press J on your keyboard to skip it as this is a long post!

Dogs are Shit at Babysitting

A long long time ago, in a time when Wales is an actual place which isn’t just ruled by the apathetic heir to the English throne, there dwells a guy named Llywelyn. Actually, there are about 6,000 guys named Llywelyn because it is a confusingly popular name, but this Llywelyn is the main Llywelyn, because his name is Llywelyn Fawr, which means Llywelyn the Great, and there is no Llywelyn the Best, or even a Llywelyn the Slightly Better. He is also basically the ruler of all of Wales, which sounds really impressive until you remember that Wales is about the size of a thimble and is mostly just fields. Anyway, at the time of this story, Llywelyn has recently become the father to an absolutely incredible baby boy, whose mother was really inconsiderate and died in childbirth. Now, this kid must be literally the best baby ever, because even though he’s illegitimate and therefore can’t be Llywelyn’s heir, making him about as useful as a Human Rights charter at a UKIP convention, Llywelyn doesn’t just fuck off. Instead, he decides to be a thoroughly modern man and take care of the baby himself. He really goes all out with it, too. Like, he moves himself into this shitty castle in the arse end of nowhere, presumably telling his wife that he’s, you know, communing with nature or working on his aura or something, and he becomes the great dad that he has no interest in being to any of his other litters of illegitimate offspring.

He’s not alone, however, because living in a huge castle with just an infant would get kind of boring, once the novelty of cleaning up sick and washing nappies wore off. No, Llywelyn takes his best bro with him: the one friend who’s stuck with him through thick and thin; the pal who’d never judge him for leaving his wife and heir to shack up with a technically useless illegitimate baby. The name of this astonishingly faithful friend is Gelert, and also he has four legs. Not because he’s some sort of mystical sprite, but because he is a dog, and dogs quite often have four legs. As far as dogs go, Gelert is definitely in the uppermost percentile. He’s probably in the top ten. He’s just an all-round A+ canine companion. He was given to Llywelyn as a wedding gift by his father-in-law, King John ‘if I kick my illegitimate daughter Joan out to marry Llywelyn and live in Wales, is that a good enough excuse to ransack the place and raze it to the goddamn ground, leaving it as nothing but a heap of charred remains next to the glorious rolling hills’ of England, which means that of all the things that Llywelyn’s father-in-law gave him on his special day, Llywelyn valued the dog over his wife. Which is fine actually, because they got married when Llywelyn was 31 and Joan was 12, so they probably didn’t have that much in common anyway.

Anyway, Llywelyn and Gelert are totally inseparable. There’s probably entire montages of the two of them just being adorable best friends, with them running down hills in slow motion and sniffing flowers, and Llywelyn sitting in front of a roaring fire and nursing his baby with a plastic teat while Gelert rests faithfully at his slipper-clad feet, and Gelert baring his teeth and snarling as he loyally rips the throat out of the bunny that Llywelyn is hunting, and it’s all lovely and very Lassie-esque. The two of them live with Llywelyn’s pointless illegitimate offspring in their empty castle surrounded by woodland and emptiness, and it’s all just excellent.

One day, Llywelyn is invited to go out on a lads’ hunting trip (basically the equivalent of a boys only trip to Magaluf in those days) with some visiting noblemen and, being a single dad, he naturally leaps at the chance to wear a fancy coat and maybe show off his abs a bit and just fucking kill some shit for fun. However, there’s one slight flaw in the plan, and that’s the fact that living in a castle on a hill in the middle of nowhere does rather limit his babysitting options. There’s no convenient teenage girl called Carly who just wants to make enough money to go to Coachella this year and also prove to her mother that she’s responsible. Not even one. So, Llywelyn improvises, and he decides that the best thing to do would be to just get his best friend to cover for him. But it’s fine, because he doesn’t do anything bizarre like ask Gelert to babysit or anything. That would be weird. He’s just like “look, I’m going on a hunt with the lads, and of course you’re invited because you’re an absolutely stellar hunting hound, but I need you to just check that the castle is safe from, like, random wolves. I have a very real fear of wolves in my castle. I would not like that at all. This castle has historically been a wolf-free zone, and I really plan on keeping it that way. I don’t want to tarnish my perfect track record of zero wolf-related incidents within these walls. Can you do that for me?” and Gelert probably does that thing that dogs do when they silently commune with your soul to convey a wordless message of complete obedience, and Llywelyn beams and says “great, I’ll just go and set some stuff up with the lads and I’ll call you once you’ve had a chance to completely safeguard the life of my defenceless newborn son against improbable wolves,” and Gelert barks and wags his tail and Llywelyn goes off to sharpen his sword in preparation for manly violent japes, then joins his group of hunt-ready friends in the woods.

After a little while, Llywelyn decides that it’s probably been long enough for Gelert to perform all his rigorous security checks, and besides, the lads are getting restless with slaughter cravings, so Llywelyn blows on his super rad hunting horn and waits for a few minutes for Gelert to appear, but much to Llywelyn’s chagrin, Gelert remains about as absent as Llywelyn’s paternal skills. All of Llywelyn’s manly hunting companions sigh, and they’re like “look, Llywelyn, he’s not coming, can we just go already? We came here to metaphorically shoot the shit and literally kill tiny animals, and we’ve all shot about as much shit as we can handle.” Llywelyn just sort of looks worriedly over his shoulder at the castle in the distance, and he says “can we just wait a few minutes, guys? Maybe his alarm didn’t go off or something, he’s probably just getting ready. Let me blow my phallic horn again,” and so he blows his hunting horn again and waits for his trusty hound, all expectant and wide-eyed, but Gelert still doesn’t appear. At this point, his slaughter-hungry menfolk are just groaning and tutting and making their horses trot around in bored circles and talking about how they could totally be piercing the flesh of some innocent animals right now, and eventually Llywelyn just gives up and says “OK, fine, we’ll have to go without him, but we’re not going to have a good time, and we’re all going to feel really guilty about it, so I hope you’re happy,” and his fellow hunters just nod briskly and they’re all “we’re 100% happier at the promise of dead rabbits, now let’s go and establish man as one of the dominant ruinous forces of nature!” and off they go to, like, slaughter badgers and shit. I don’t know what animals are native to Welsh woodland. Maybe a red squirrel or two. Possibly a heron.

When they’ve finished their testosterone-fueled bout of merciless animal slaughter, Llywelyn and the lads trail back to the castle to drink alcohol and talk about how rad the whole thing was. However, when they get to the castle, the first thing Llywelyn notices is that all the furniture has been thrown everywhere, and there’s blood all over the walls. It basically looks like there’s been a horrific incident at IKEA, with entrails splattered all up the ceiling and bits of things that should definitely be on the inside, but are now very much on the outside of who or whatever they once belonged to. Immediately, Llywelyn draws his sword and he’s like “something has gone very amiss here, I suspect wolves,” and one of his companions whispers “it would be a very good idea to try and find your son, because I have a sneaking suspicion that he probably couldn’t take a wolf in a fight, mano a mano” and Llywelyn nods sagely and is about to give some orders when another one of his companions pipes up “no, it’s cool, I’ve found your son, he’s not here” and Llywelyn is like “how have you found him if he’s not here?” and the man points at the corner of the room, where Llywelyn’s son’s crib is overturned in a pool of blood, and next to it lies the sleeping Gelert, whose jaws are covered in blood and guts, and Llywelyn’s heart just sinks.

He turns to his hunting lads and says “lads, you don’t want to see this,” and they’re like “ooh, are you going to mercilessly slaughter your dog, because we absolutely live for that shit and we totally want to see that,” and Llywelyn just fixes them with a stern glare and they all scarper, and he closes the door behind them and turns back to Gelert, who’s woken up at this point and is sitting up, wagging his tail. Llywelyn just lets rip at him, all “I trusted you! I appointed you royal babysitter, and this is how you repay me? By murdering my baby? This is not what I didn’t pay you for! All those times we frolicked in the woods around the bodies of our fresh kills – did all that mean nothing to you? I can’t believe this, you’re the worst friend ever, and one of my bros once boned my wife in our marital bed, so that’s really saying something,” and Gelert just sits there, because he is a dog and doesn’t really know what the fuck is going on. Then, Llywelyn fixes his old friend with a remorseful look and says “it’s really partly my own fault, I should have got a registered babysitter and also probably a human one, but you did eat my son, so I feel like you should also take some of the responsibility here,” and Gelert wags his tail a bit and Llywelyn is like “I thought I’d finished my ceaseless rampage of animal murder for the day, but clearly I was wrong,” and he just plunges his sword right into Gelert’s body, and Gelert makes a noise that can only be described as a death yelp, and dies.

Almost immediately this really high pitched wailing starts up, and Llywelyn looks around in fright, then makes the somewhat belated decision to pick up the upturned crib, and there, absolutely pristine despite the pool of blood around the crib, is his baby son, still alive and pink and healthy and other things that babies generally should be when they haven’t been eaten by dogs. Then Llywelyn notices that there’s also a massive dead wolf in the corner of the room, and it’s almost certainly been there the entire time because dead wolves tend to have difficulty with locomotion, and he realises that he clearly has the observational skills of a mushroom because the blood is clearly the wolf’s and not his son’s, and he drops his sword and it clatters to the floor, mixing Gelert’s blood with what he now knows to be the blood of the improbable wolf, and he falls to the floor in a heap of anguish and probably embarrassment and starts crying in a really manly fashion, because he’s just killed his absolute best bro for nothing.

When he’s finished weeping for the time being, he picks up the body of Gelert and starts whispering to it, like “I misjudged you so hard, you were the best babysitter ever, I’ve never had a babysitter rip a wolf’s throat apart with their teeth to protect my baby son before, I would have given you some Pedigree Chum instead of a cruel and untimely death if I’d realised,” and then has a brilliant idea as to how he can pay tribute to his late canine companion. He carries Gelert outside, burying him at the top of a high mound so that everyone who comes by – statistically, likely no-one ever – will know about the bravery of Gelert and the perils of freelance babysitting without a written contract.

My other retellings can be found here; my dedicated mythology blog is here; and my Mythology Mondays Facebook page is here. The latter two links also allow you to follow my progress in writing a whole actual book. Thrilling.

Keep reading

Top Ten Worst Responses to My Makeup Post

for reference, here is the original post:

fairly innocuous, right? just me, talking about my life, sharing an experience I thought other women would relate to. And they did! A bunch of responses were from other women talking about their own annoying makeup experiences.

Except, uh. Some people got really upset. Here are a few of my (least) favorites.


12. @b—y-femisnist (bitchy? butchy? buoy?) is number 12 because, um, sure 

I guess that’s true, but have you considered: 



11. Strangely, @if-it-all-ends-well reiterated my original post exactly

they enjoy makeup because they aren’t required to wear it. but then goes on to give me unsolicited and condescending advice! Baffling!


10. Everyone makes mistakes

@merrybitchmas2 gets number 10 for being innocently uninformed and making a nice dinner suggestion! Thanks!


9. I don’t know where they got “oppression” from, but @lenaluthorapologist is apparently a medical doctor! 

I appreciate the free diagnosis; psychiatrists are expensive.


8. @wasteyourlife saw an opportunity to hit on his tumblr crush, and he took it 

original post be damned.


7. @toxicmutantslimefreaks actually Slime Freak, it’s called having a job :)

I really don’t get it. Are you guys all 15? Have you ever worked in a professional environment? Have you ever looked at the dress code for women, where it describes what kind of makeup to wear?????


6. I truly feel for men who have unfortunate facial shapes, @keyhollow, 

but if you think it hurts their careers, I suggest you take a look at the United States Senate.


5. @la-femme-noelle is either a fucking liar or some kind of super human

in which case it’s really not fair to compare the rest of us :/


4. I’m truly not sure how we got here… 

…but @amarretto-cowboy blames the public school system for not teaching me to cook. Also very clearly a 55 year old man masquerading as one of the “youths”


3. @egoisty clearly isn’t that curious, because I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned multiple times that it is a requirement. 

They then suggest I use exposure therapy on my coworkers so that they aren’t triggered by my makeupless face! Brilliant! (I cut this one if, it’s long and I just Don’t Care)


2. To be clear, @pancakesbejealouswaffles isn’t suggesting you quit wearing makeup. 

They’re suggesting you just QUIT YOUR JOB if you don’t want to wear makeup! Can you imagine???? I really couldn’t have made this shit up, bless this site.


1. This is one of the first responses to this post, but it’s just so good. 

@realspaztastic ‘s suggestion is so brilliant, my lady brain actually skipped over it the first time I saw this post. But look again: after suggesting I simply buy a better foundation, his penis brain goes to absolutely full capacity and reaches the magnificent conclusion that we should just MAKE OUR OWN FOUNDATION ON THE WEEKENDS

i was gonna make a post saying “au where trans percy doesnt come out until halfway thru pjo or even hoo but then i realized that percy jackson has been through way too much shit and does NOT deserve to be fighting monsters and shit, being forced into wild quests by gods, AND at the same time trying to transition like. imagine fighting a monster and the monster calls percy a girl and he’s just like "actually im trans, im a dude” and the monster is just like “oh man, my bad. anyways, PREPARE TO DIE, SON OF POSEIDON” “much better thank you” “of course”

overwatch characters as D&D 5e

SUPPORT:

Mercy: Life Cleric, successfully resists the urge every day to just not prepare any healing spells for a day and see what the rest of the party does.

Lucio: Lore Bard, knows the cantrip Vicious Mockery but almost never uses it because it’s too mean.

Symmetra: Abjuration Wizard, her favorite spell is Dimension Door and she uses it frequently and to great effect.

Zenyatta: Devotion Paladin, buffs his teammates by giving them sage advice about life.

Ana: Hunter Ranger, likes to put all sorts of nifty poisons and sleep agents on her arrows. 

TANKS:

Reinhardt: Battle Master Fighter, the kind of Lawful Good that gives Lawful Good a good name.

Zarya: Eldritch Knight Fighter, her favorite spells are Absorb Elements and Absurdly Large Crossbow.

D.Va: Champion Fighter, likes to tease her opponents by doing acrobatics stunts in the middle of combat.

Winston: Totem Warrior Barbarian, everybody is surprised by this, which he uses to tactical advantage.

Roadhog: Champion Fighter, he owns actual weapons and knows how to use them but throwing chairs is more fun.

DEFENSE:

Junkrat: Wild Magic Sorcerer, embraces all the weird shit and backfires of wild magic surges with maniacal laughter.

Bastion: Champion Fighter, favors ranged weapons and aims to kill in one shot so it doesn’t have time to hurt.

Widowmaker: Assassin Rogue, favors ranged weapons and aims to kill in one shot because it’s more satisfying.

Mei: Circle of the Land (Arctic) Druid, likes to sleep with the room cold and everybody thinks she’s crazy for it.

Torbjorn: Circle of the Moon Druid, has a whole posse of awakened plants and beasts that go into battle with him.

Hanzo: Beast Master Ranger, his animal buddy is a giant poisonous snake that thinks it’s small enough to chill around one of his arms.

OFFENSE:

Genji: Shadow Monk, is equally likely to use his shadow stepping for pranks as actual combat.

Reaper: Fiend Warlock, enjoys using the Hurl Through Hell ability just a little too much and if it wasn’t so powerful people would complain about it.

Soldier: 76: Battle Master Fighter, the kind of person you think of when you think of “Chaotic Lawful”.

McCree: Hunter Ranger, generally a good guy but sometimes his shady-ass skill set makes you wonder.

Pharah: Eldritch Knight Fighter, favorite tactic is to cast Fly on herself and then bring death from above with her bow.

Tracer: Transmutation Wizard, known for her cheery attitude in battle and deadly combo of Haste, Misty Step, and Magic Missile.

Sombra: Thief Rogue, likes to do solo sneaking which people would complain about if she wasn’t so good at making it easier for them to follow her.

Edit: Please please for the love of god ask me questions about why I picked the classes/subclasses I did and how I would build these characters and what spells and feats I would pick and how I would build parties with them please let me geek at you about D&D and Overwatch.

Edit: Wow I really wish there was a better way to reply to replies! But this basically came about because I saw a post about how 90% of Mercy mains absolutely hate their teams all the time.

I don’t actually play Overwatch, but I’m a slut for the lore and in D&D I play a lot of healers - your clerics, bards, and druids. And what I have learned is that like yeah healing the other people in your party is cool but man you want to blow shit up too instead of spending all your time/spell slots keeping your party upright when this was a shitty plan to begin with. So it started with Mercy Is The Life Cleric Who Resists The Urge To Not Prepare Healing Spells and then it all went downhill from there lmao.

Edit: Doomfist exists now. He’s an Open Palm Monk, was there ever any doubt? He’s so big and bulky people expect him to move slow and then quickly realize that they Do Not Want to be within melee range of this guy.

Fact: villain or hero/villain ships took over the Star Wars fandom at the same time as the cast of Star Wars becoming more diverse (and those villain or hero/villain ships are entirely white).

Also fact: those two things are related, which is proven when you look at other diverse works of fiction (or even any where there is a token poc who is the white lead’s love interest) and you find the exact same shit going on.

“It has nothing to do with racism!” is not an argument you can make.

“Umm, but, actually! There used to be smaller, much, much smaller villain and hero/villain ships before!” is not an argument.

Having internalized racism and refusing to try to better yourself means you’re a terrible person.

So, @Reylos, @Kyluxes, @Jynnics, and @other Rogue One villain ship shippers, it’s time to get out of the denial phase and start dealing with your problems.

reignfier  asked:

So I got really excited over my hand lettering and decided to request a fic as well but no pressure :D outgoing Clarke tries to hint her interest at Bellamy but he's such a nerd he totally doesn't get that she likes him.

I hope you like it! Thanks for the prompt <3

(ao3)


Bellamy didn’t mean to become a professional YouTuber.

He was convinced, as a preteen who watched tons of daytime court TV shows that aired on public access channels when he and O got home from school, that he wanted to be a lawyer. Making decent money, arguing with people professionally… it seemed like a sweet deal to Bellamy.

And out of– probably stubbornness, honestly– that remained the plan for years.

But then halfway through law school, a professor he TA’d for started assigning videos for her first years to watch outside of class. Between the narrator’s long-windedness and lofty vocabulary, and the dryness and complexity of the topics, Bellamy’s office hours had been flooded with students asking him to explain the very same concepts in ways they would understand.

“I don’t have time for this,” he’d complained to Miller, who just reached over to pat his shoulder patronizingly, not even looking up from the textbook in his lap.

“Kids these days, am I right?”

“The videos are a good idea,” Bellamy continued, knowing Miller was hardly listening. “They would work great if they didn’t always lead to students tracking me down while I’m trying to study so they can ask me all the same shit.”

“So make a better video.”

Bellamy blinked at him. “Is that an actual suggestion, or are you just bored with my ranting?”

“It can be both,” Miller shrugged. “If you can’t join them, beat them.”

“Huh,” he said. “Maybe I will.”

So he did. He expected to be emailing students the links, maybe sharing them on the class Facebook page. He never expected them to start getting hits from law students across the country.

He posted another video, and then another, each time the views and likes climbing little by little. YouTube ads started making him a little bit of money on the side, not enough to support himself (not at first), but enough it kept him going. Kept him filming and uploading.

That’s when Monty came in.

“I’m going to help you out.”

Bellamy frowned at him, shrugging his backpack off. It wasn’t unusual for him to come home to find Monty there, laptop balanced precariously on top of Miller’s legs thrown across his lap, the two of them studying together. In his opinion, it was only a matter of time before they hooked up on that couch, and Miller was going to owe him twenty bucks.

(“If we don’t hook up, then I’ll have twenty bucks. If we do hook up, it’s not that hard to just move it somewhere else. You’re making this too easy for me.” “It’s a gesture, asshole. I’m rooting for you guys.” “You’re welcome to root for me with your wallet anytime, dude. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.”)

“What are you helping me with?”

“Your video thing.” He turned his laptop to show that he had Bellamy’s page pulled up, icon and banner blank. “More specifically, production quality. If you’re willing to shell out a little bit of your internet money on some better equipment, I can help you film and edit your stuff so that it looks a little more legit.”

“Less like you’re in some basement somewhere making instructional videos on how to make suits out of skin,” Miller added. Bellamy gave him the finger.

Keep reading

i can’t believe any of you dumbfucks actually longpost. like, genuinly post long ass posts about whatever. how does one ass themselves to drag together a 500+ word essay about politics, shows etc. without thinking about how you could spend your time better on some shit that isn’t trying to convince strangers online with huge 888 walls of text to prove some  other cuntboy wrong.

Scarecrow’s brand of Self-Care

(Inspired by @thepigeonqueen‘s post.)

  • Pamper that lanky scarecrow body with Burlap Bath Bombs
  • Spoil yourself: Spend all of your money on books instead of food and other necessities. At least you’ve got rare a 1st edition copy of Ulysses!
  • Teach yourself how to sew. Bonus points of you only use jute and burlap 
  • Feeling down? Use your army of corvids to wreak havoc upon your enemies, and maybe friends too. No one is safe. 
  • Challenge yourself to create a new Fear Toxin. Breathe in the fumes to feel extra relaxed™.
  • Lie down in the middle of a cornfield and let the hot Georgia sun soak in.
  • Dancing helps to relieve stress, especially when it’s violent dancing.
  • Create the most terrifying costume possible with aforementioned sewing abilities. It’s extra spooky if you actually sew your lips.
  • Attend church to get in touch with the Holy Spirit. Then burn it down. It’s what Great Granny would’ve wanted.
  • Watch a marathon of horror movies and critique them, because you could do it better. You are the Lord of Fear after all.
  • Eat homemade Pumpkin Pie for breakfast because you can.
  • Never sleep, spend all your time researching or spreading fear.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck we’re going to learn ymir’s tragic backstory nooooo noooooo nooooooooo

well by the time this comes out y’all would have learned about ymir’s tragic backstory, but noooooooooooooooooo

anonymous asked:

So I've been looking at the tumblr lifting community's posts for awhile now and I'm obsessed and amazed; I've never lifted before but I really want to it looks so fun and I want free cute shit, but I'm so so scared!! How do I get over that and what/where would you recommend lifting for my very first time ever? Any tips or advice? I worship y'all 🙏🏼

oooookay lil nugget here we go.

first off - its okay to be scared. its actually better if you keep a little piece of you thats always scared, no matter if you’re experienced or a beginner. thats something that helps you keep track of what’s going on around you and helps you not get caught. when you get cocky or over confident, thats when trouble starts.

i cannot stress how important it is to start small.
start small.
start sosososososo small.
smol

like a lipgloss from walmart or one plain shirt from old navy. maybe a lil pack of beads from hobby lobby. whatever you do, do it small.

this lowers the chance of you getting caught, and the chance of you freaking out more.

do this a couple times. lil thing here, lil thing there. this builds confidence. the more confident you are with yourself, the more likely you are to start pulling in bigger hauls.

be patient. dont rush anything. this is by no means a competition. this whole process of confidence-gaining takes weeks, maybe months for some people.

and another thing - the majority of us on here that are pulling in a shit ton of stuff? we’ve been doing this for years. ive been lifting for 3/almost 4 years now. do not feel like you have to hurry and catch up to us.

secondly -do your homework. read through people’s tip pages on here. read about hooks, magnets, detachers, keys, all the different types of security tags, concealment methods, horror stories - ANYTHING. everything will be helpful down the road. read up on how other people got caught so you dont make the same mistakes. read up on how that girl managed to bag 3 naked palettes and 15 Kat Von D liquid lipsticks. learn about cam placement and how JCP Sephora is a place to stay away from. learn SA behavior and how to tell if they are being nice or plain sus. Learn how to tell if a bag is going to be a good lifting partner or if its going to be a hassle getting things inside. get familiar with every aspect of this community. follow as many people as you can. get inspiration from everyone. learn this life. live it. breathe it.

thirdly - try and pair up with an experienced buddy. i have found this to be so helpful. you get to see first hand how they do what they do. you get to see them in action, and learn their methods. however, know that going out with more than 2 other people is sure to get you noticed and tailed. keep the lil lifting group to either a pair or 3 people. make sure you can trust them. make sure you know them.

STORES:
Old Navy: they dont tag anything other than heavy coats and sweaters, some dresses, jeans, and in the summer some shorts. i re-vamped my whole wardrobe this summer courtesy of ON, but ive seen on here that they’ve started source tagging…. which makes me sad. so double check before you out anything into your bag.
Hobby Lobby: there are like 7 cams per store all focused on the cashiers. go crazy. get your much needed art supplies. this is a great store for beginners - and other lifters who love crafting.
Cotton On: nothing, and i mean NOTHING is tagged. idk why, but these hoes never tag anything and it makes me wonder what they’re even doing. i got christmas gifts for my brothers here this year, so i highly recommend this store. super easy.
Dillard’s: do not let the large size of the store intimidate you - this place is heaven. sometimes you’ll get lucky and somethings been left off the rack and untagged. sometimes theres that teally cute wallet that you’ve wanted for a while and it doesnt have a single tag on it. go for it. conceal in the dressing rooms. trust me. formal dresses? no tags. (from what ive seen, and ive been to 3 Dillard’s in 2 different cities.) their desinger jewelrythat they keep down there? go for it. none of its source tagged or anything. i walked out once with 5 pairs of mate spade earrings and 2 wallets worth the 100 each. just pay attention to your surroundings and you’ll do just fine.

TIPS:
- in the winter its cold as dicks, so wear sweaters. utilize these babies for all they’re worth. 1. sleeves are great for concealing small items like jewelry and lipsticks. 2. “i am so hot from all this shopping, is it okay if i have one of your bags to carry my sweater in? i would really appreciate it” (note: this only works with really nice SAs. some will be bitches and shut you down. you might have to try a couple of stores before you get one. and now you have a free shopping bag!) 3. put your purse in the crook of your elbow and drape your sweater over it. this helps conceal how big your purse is to begin with and hide how much its increased in size when you’re walking out. 4. idk they’re warm and fuzzy. they make me happy.
- boots: stick things in there in case you forgot your purse or something. you can stick small things like jewelry and face masks down in there, its great.
- go through your mom’s closet. or your aunt’s. grandmother’s. rich best friend, i dont care. more often than not, they have a couple of extra shopping bags from stores they’ve been too. my mom has Bath and Body Works for days, along with a couple of Coach bags and Ralph Lauren. these shopper bags can be used in the same way as a purse for hiding things in them. hide them in yoir bag on the way into a mall, and then in the bathroom, take out your lifted clothing and stuff one of the bags. that way, when you walk into other stores, the SAs think you’ve bought things from other stores. be careful and know the layout of the mall you’re in though, because if you’re carrying around an Urban Outfitters bag and theres no UO, then you’ve gone and fucked yourself.
- be cautious, be wary, and not get greedy. get in, get out, and live to lift another day.

hope you’ll find some use for all this nonsense, good luck on starting your hobby of lifting and i hope to see some beautiful hauls from you guys!

sirius black
  • is short. and not like, average short. sirius orion black is 5′1 on a good day and u are cordially invited to fight me on this
  • can’t fucking wink to save his life?? and he’s really adamant that he can, too, like no of course i can wink, look!!!!   but he’s just furiously blinking
  • queen released bohemian rhapsody in 1975. let that sink in
  • like i’m not saying half of his band t-shirts were of queen but half of his band t-shirts were of queen
    • (remus, of course, was the one who introduced him to them in the first place)
  • not cishet! picture him however u want but he ain’t cishet and i know this bc he told me personally. in a dream. he said, “eli there are some ppl out there who really think im cishet and i need u to set them straight.” and then he said, “haha, ‘straight’. no but really please correct them.”
  • has the most expressive facial muscles and eyebrows on god’s green earth but will deadass shut off his emotions like a light switch when approaching Specific Sensitive Topics. it’s a little heartbreaking 
  • keeps trying to grow his hair out so it reaches the bottom of his back but keeps having to cut it off bc various pranking materials are just constantly getting stuck in it. at least 80% of it is james’ fault
  • if hogwarts had a theater group he would ,absolutely be all over that oh my god look me in the eye and tell me sirius black wouldnt love musicals & shakespeare
  • promised myself i wasn’t gonna make this ab pairings but FUCK if he isn’t in love with remus lupin oh my GOD tone down the heart eyes u smitten fuck!!!! 
  • still sometimes flinches when someones raises their voice around him or he’s caught off guard by unexpected movements. honey
  • marlene & him are such an iconic queer punk duo tho like, bye
  • catch them leaning against the castle outside sharing a cigarette and exchanging tips over eyeliner techniques!!! binch
  • has such a big heart? im actually so fucking upset i lvoe him he deserved better !!!!hol yfucking shit 
  • he’s my son thanks for ur time

anonymous asked:

Hello, I'm sorry if this has been asked before but what software do you use to animate? And how do you do it? I want to animate myself but I have no idea how to start

I work in Harmony/ ToonBoom 

I’m actually a Junior animation major at the Columbus College of Art and Design. I go on campus to do my animation assignments because I don’t have Harmony (that shits expensive) on my laptop and I like working on a Cintiq better. 

for a beginner animator I would actually suggest starting traditional! go out and buy a stack of post-it-notes and make flip books. This is an exercise we do all the time usually at the beginning of a semester. with that you can do more traditional 2D or go more experimental 

 This video is probably one of the most helpful and basic explanation to making an animation look good! I’ve probably seen it about 5 million times in classes