this set makes no sense whatsoever

:)

Work was always getting in the way of his time with Lestrade. There would be times when he would have to go several days, sometimes even multiple weeks without seeing him in person, feeling his lips against his own, or even just a touch of his hand as they sat beside each other. Mycroft exhaled deeply, tapping his fingers against his knee as he waited for the American ambassador to arrive at the British embassy. He was stuck overseas dealing with tedious politicians while Greg was back in London, dealing with… well, their usual life.

And the DI missed him just as much.

Every night, right on cue, Mycroft would instant message him as soon as he got back to the room. Of course, he could afford an international phone plan, but Greg couldn’t, and insisted that Mycroft not get one for the both of them. Reluctantly, the man agreed and settled for nightly chats on his laptop.

MH: I do apologize for this extended stay in the States. It is ever so tedious, Gregory.

The notification on his phone’s app lit up and Greg beamed as he saw who it was from. Of course it was nearly 3AM in London, but it was worth it to talk to Mycroft Holmes. He quickly tapped out his reply, yawning as he did so.

It’s taking too long. I haven’t seen you in forever, Myc. When will you be home? And just what am I supposed to do with all this delicious food I made while you were gone? -GL

A small smile appeared on Mycroft’s lips as he saw the response, and the smile grew as he realized just how instant that reply had been. Conclusion: Greg had been waiting up for his reply. It warmed the Iceman’s heart to know that someone wanted to talk to him as much as Lestrade did.

MH: That depends on what you made, my dear. Anyway, how is London faring without me? Sherlock hasn’t decimated it yet, has he?

The entire city is falling into ruins as we speak, Mycroft. I don’t think England will last much longer without you here to save it. ;) -GL

MH: Although your attempt at trying to make me worry more about you is working, please refrain from using those dastardly emoticons, Gregory. We are not teenagers with a crush on one another.

Speak for yourself. :P -GL

MH: Gregory for goodness sake. Just picture me sighing, absolutely exasperated and wondering why on earth I put up with you.

As Mycroft’s pale fingers dashed out his latest reply, he couldn’t help the feeling of joy he felt at being able to just talk to someone as easily as he could with this man. It was utterly ridiculous sometimes, but he absolutely adored that about him.

Greg meanwhile, scratched his head, rubbing his eyes. His smile was a sleepy one, but it was there nonetheless. Before he could reply to that, Mycroft sent another message, berating him for still being awake.

MH: It is nearly half 3, Gregory. Why on earth are you awake?

I couldn’t go to bed until I talked to you. It’s kind of become part of my routine. Obviously, it would be better if you were actually here, so I could hug you. -GL

And… other things. -GL

MH: Other things? Care to elaborate?

Greg swallowed harshly, having just said that as a flirtatious joke. Now he was worried he may have said something wrong. With Mycroft, sometimes it was hard to tell. Luckily, he found an innocent response.

You know, what we usually do. Cuddling, making out on the couch instead of paying attention to the movie playing in the background. Staring at each other and enjoying every second. I wish I could do all of this to you. Guess I’ll just have to settle for eating this steak dinner, alone. -GL

MH: You can make me feel guilty all you want, Gregory, but I cannot simply fly home until this policy is cleared. Trust me, you’ve no idea just how much I would rather lie next to you and hold you than deal with the tedium of this place. And, dare I say it, your insufferable insistence on tickling me, as you say, “for science.” It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and you do not make a single application of the scientific method throughout.

Greg actually had to set his phone down from laughing so hard at that response, but he finally managed to recover and chuckled the whole time he replied to the message.

Thanks for the laugh, and the criticism. I shall ensure an entire experiment as soon as we see each other again. ;) -GL

MH: …..

MH: Gregory, you are absolutely insufferable.

;) -GL

;D – GL

MH: Gregory Lestrade, stop this now.

Then open your damn door, Mycroft Holmes. -GL

MH: What? Gregory, what are you saying? You’re not really, oh my God–

Before Mycroft could investigate further via the messenger, a knock reverberated throughout the room. He finished up his last message and glanced up. His gaze fell on the door and he rushed to it, tugging it open. There stood his Detective Inspector. His mouth fell open, right on cue because he threw his arms around the other man’s waist and dragged him inside, the kiss full of need and passion for the other.

“What the hell are you doing here? How long have you been here?” Mycroft asked as Greg pulled away to breathe. Mycroft was stunned that Greg had actually managed to surprise him.

“I missed you, and I wanted to see you.” Greg said nonchalantly as he sat down on the bed. “Plus, it was worth the trouble of getting an overnight flight on Tuesday just to get here in time to see that look of surprise on your face; it is adorable. I was overdue for a vacation anyway.”

Mycroft shook his head. Greg had managed to keep it a secret for three days? “You continuously manage to surprise me, Detective Inspector.” Mycroft also moved over to the bed, sitting down beside him, his fingers lacing with Greg’s.

“Good thing too, because I have an experiment to perform.” Greg smirked at Mycroft, who immediately tried to shift away. The Inspector tightened his grip on his hand, quickly throwing his weight on top of Mycroft to pin him down on the bed. In a moment, Mycroft was trapped and at Greg’s mercy. The DI raised his eyebrows, shifting slightly as he peered down at his boyfriend. He lightly ran a hand against Mycroft’s sides, already tickling him. But then he stopped abruptly.

“Right then…” Greg began. “For science, properly this time.”

Later, when Mycroft and Greg were getting ready to sleep in the same bed together for the first time, in a bed that absolutely was not familiar to either of them, Mycroft had trouble sleeping. So, he did what he always did when he couldn’t sleep, he talked to his boyfriend. In person, it was a hundred times better than text or a phone call would ever be.

“So, that steak dinner you told me about. Did you actually make it? Because I am quite jealous that I missed out on that one if so.”

Greg laughed and scooted closer to his boyfriend. “I didn’t make it. Had it ordered to the room.” He winked.

Mycroft’s eyes widened. “I thought I smelled a seared steak wafting through the door earlier. Wait – you’re saying you have been next door all this time? How on earth did you manage to go unspotted?”

“Because I know what you’re like, Mycroft Holmes. Based on when you message me, I know exactly what to expect.” Greg moved in to snatch a quick kiss, but Mycroft scoffed and put a finger against the other man’s lips.

“I don’t think you do, Detective Inspector.” Because then Mycroft was on top of Greg, smashing his lips against Greg’s.

In the middle of the night, when Mycroft was snoring softly next to him – god, that was so adorable, thought Greg – Lestrade grabbed up his phone and read through the messages of the day, realizing just how well his plan had worked. And when he noted that he’d missed a message just as Mycroft had thrown open the door, he beamed. He sent a quick glance over at the other man and then leaned over and planted a soft kiss against Mycroft’s forehead.

It was a simple message, but it meant more to Greg than nearly anything they had ever exchanged. After all, times like these were all about the little things.

Greg set his phone aside, the dull glow still showing on the nightstand, and the message still on the screen. He rolled over, curling up close to the man beside him before falling asleep.

On the screen was nothing more than this:

MH: :)


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anonymous asked:

I'm baffled that BS suddenly gets branded as yet another tv shows that treats its women/queer characters appallingly. BS does not deserve that.

Ugh, don’t get me started on folks dissing Black Sails over “queerbaiting” or “bury your gays”, etc. This is the LEAST queerbaiting and “bury your gays troupe” show you will ever see. And Eleanor’s death had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with her being bi-sexual. Obviously, no character should be killed because they’re queer. But a character should also not be exempt from death because they’re queer. Not if the death makes sense and works storyline wise, which I feel like was the case here. Eleanor’s death was entirely about her and Rogers’ actions. He may have led the Spanish there but she set so much of this into action herself, going back to last season when she killed Vane.

Speaking of, I saw a lot of people calling for her head back then. I think if Jack had shot her and said “Revenge for Chaz”, you’d be getting a different reaction from some fans. Eleanor has always been a polarizing character. That she died this way, in such a violent manner by a stranger with no actual grudge against her, gave a much bigger impact to viewers than if she’d been killed by someone the fans knew for reasons viewers understood (even if they didn’t approve of).

Eleanor has done alot over the course of the show. Lied, killed, stole, double-crossed, betrayed, etc. She did the same things that every other character – male and female – have done. And she died, as many of those characters have before her (Vane, Teach, Gates, Miranda, Scott, Hornigold, Dufrense, etc.). Like those deaths, it had nothing to do with gender or sexuality, just the price of the world they chose to be a part of.

I trust these writers to not kill for shock value. Steinberg said that every character death must create more storyline than it ends and I feel like we will see that. We already are. Max is now aiming to take down Rogers and united with Jack in this cause. Eleanor’s family in Boston will become involved. And Rogers/Spain storyline will expand because of this. And I have a theory/speculation of how this will entangle Billy going forward. The fallout from her death will be huge, as it should be.

anonymous asked:

Do you know Uncharted and Tomb Raider? Well, anyway, how Tamaki, Dabi and Bakugou would react if s/o in the past was a treasure hunter (like a thief), but now they get away from this life, but they are thinking in coming back, cause the need for adventure never really leave them. Headcanons!

boop screw it ill work on some. sorry for the slow upload rate– I’ve had no days off until today and i had to wait for the dude to come thru lmao

Amajiki Tamaki
- All the pieces of their personality finally come together for him.
- He’d noticed them staring at gold pieces at museums and talking about how much expensive items go for in international settings. It makes sense now.
- Still, he couldn’t support their need to steal as he’s a hero. It’s completely against his morals.
- He’ll tell them that he understands their need for adventure, but if they steal then he doesn’t know how long he could stay with them.
- He sends international agencies to them, and explains that some agencies send their heroes overseas to do big missions.

Dabi
- Thinks their past is super cool and would want to go shoplifting with them PFFT
- asks if they have any missions they’d want him to go on (If they decide to start again)
- Literally has no qualms whatsoever. He’s a villain. As long as they’re not a hero he’s chill.

Bakugou Katsuki
- Thinks their past is interesting, but he is going to a school to become a hero and being a thief doesn’t fit the “Hero” image.
- Suggests maybe they could be a hero and retrieve stolen items to the owner.
- In the end, he also tries to quench their adventure thirst and bring them along for fights (or hiking and camping through new locations)

The Robron Break-Ups : A Definitive Guide (Part Five/Five Hundred probably)

Part One / Previous Part / All / AO3 

Ah yes, it’s that time again: time for me to literally recap Robert and Aaron’s storyline and pretend it’s for any reason other than “I wanna”.

Let’s just rename this whole thing to The Robert and Aaron Love Story: A Tale of Mess and Suffering™ and be done with it.

In this part, we move swiftly on from the Era of Donny and into what I tend to class as my favourite era (…nah that’s fucked up lo).

Thank you, as always, for the comments/likes/kudos. You guys honestly make me feel slightly less guilty about spending this much free time on something this self-indulgent. I love you all.

We left our heroes (so to speak) in the midst of a The First Real Break Up. They’re not spending much time together and Robert is out for revenge on Adam Barton for cheating on his little sister and knocking up Vanessa.

Yeah. The irony.

…Let’s not think about it. Instead, let’s get straight down to, at last, another reunion… which is then immediately followed by The Second Real Break Up. And oh fuck, this one is worse. 

Actually, this is a post of nothing but honourable mentions, ending in one spectacular, monster of a proper break up. Buckle up, kids! It’s Lodge Time!

Part Five: Love, Lodge and (attempted mans)Laughter

Honourable Mention #12: 8th June 2015

We left off with Robert, who is trying to send Adam to jail for cheating on Victoria, which isn’t even a slight overreaction and is completely reasonable. Adam and Vic have a whole plot that culminates in the two of them running away to get married because they’re pure and adorable and in love and because Vic almost manslaughtered Ashley.

There’s loads of drama and it’s great and Robert has terrible hair but he’s all about helping his sister - and blaming her boyfriend in the process. He vows to send Adam to the police in Victoria’s place regardless of what she wants - Vic obviously doesn’t approve and tells him so. Robert’s response is the verbal equivalent of a shrug. Between this and the just as vocal, if not as cartoon villain cruel, disapproval of both their families, Adam and Victoria make the decision to not let anyone in on the plans when they elope.

ALSO SCRAPPY THE DOG IS THERE RIP SCRAPPY U WERE A GOOD BOY

In fact, Aaron and Finn are the only ones who know anything at all. As they’re leaving, Adam and Vic send texts out to everyone they love - Vic texts Andy with a sweet little “I love you but we want to get married, sorry x”, while Adam texts Robert “Get nutted.” True poetry.

Upon receiving these texts, Rob and Andy go racing off to the scrapyard, where they are met with a smug Aaron and an adorable Scrappy (COME BACK BOY). Robert and Aaron go back and forth angrily at one another and Rob is all “I can see where your loyalties lie” while looking IRRITATED AF that said loyalties no longer lie with him.

Aaron immediately counters with a threatening little “You what?” and Robert instantly looks back at Andy, suddenly remembering just how much he can’t actually afford to piss off Aaron, because Aaron knows too much. He does a swift U-turn and instead tries to play to Aaron’s sympathies, because that’s always worked so well before, and says that he just wants to protect his sister. Aaron, naturally, doesn’t believe a word which pisses Robert off again and he ends up threatening Aaron -

Well. He says “When I find them … you’re in as much trouble as they are.” Which. As threats go. Not really Robert’s most inspired. Aaron acts like he isn’t bothered, calls Rob “mate” about a hundred times over to really emphasise the “WE’RE NOT BONING ANYMORE” aspect of this whole conversation and Rob and Aaron keep going at it and getting more and more pissy until Aaron throws his tea onto the ground next to Robert’s probably expensive shoes and retreats back into the Portacabin.

Andy reappears suddenly because oh yeah, he’s still there. We all almost forgot amongst all that sizzling hatred. Andy is as oblivious as the rest of the village bar Katie (rest in peace). Robert looks #shook because Aaron used to love him ok and turns around and vows to kill Adam. Which is. You know. Again. Completely reasonable and not at all unhinged.

Although honestly, given what he gets up to in the rest of this part, it really is but a gentle blip on the Robert Sugden 2015 Scale of Violence and Terror™.


Honourable Mention #13: 9th June 2015

Robert decides to take matters into his own hands, as Robert is wont to do. He breaks into the Portacabin while Aaron’s out and searches the place, on the hunt for Victoria’s phone, which has been left in Aaron’s care (because Vic seems to think Rob, Diane or Andy would have the know-how to track her via Find my iPhone or whatever. I guarantee that none of them would.)

He finds it and goes to leave - just as Aaron is returning with Scrappy (so much Scrappy content, this is truly a highlight). He runs back to a desk chair and tries to act like a chill person who is absolutely up to only good things. Aaron is not even slightly surprised to find Robert sitting at a desk (the desk that will one day be Robert’s what a true blessing). Rob tries to act like he’s there to charm his sister’s whereabouts out of Aaron and let’s be real here, deep down he wants that shit to work.

It doesn’t, because Aaron has been there, done that enough times to know better by this point.

So Rob’s charm doesn’t work and Robert makes a swift escape, Vic’s phone safely in his pocket. It takes Aaron exactly 1.75 seconds to realise that something is up and he immediately checks to see if the phone is still there. Aaron… knows Robert so well. I’m emo.

Rob goes straight back to the Woolie to hang with Andy because appaz they’re buddies at the moment. He fills Andy in and reveals that he has sent a text to Diane from Vic’s phone, pretending to be Vic, to keep Diane in the dark while he tries to sort everything out himself.

Aaron comes marching in and demands Robert return the phones. Robert is all geared up and ready for some aggressive, sexually charged and evasive banter. Unfortunately, that’s when Andy decides to pipe up and full on accidentally admit that Robert has the phone, because the Sugden brother brains weren’t divided equally in the not-even-same gene pool jackpot of their lives.

It’s great though, because Aaron places his hand next to Robert’s head and leans right down into him and starts growling, basically. Andy doesn’t even question this because Andy literally has never cared less about anyone’s love life than he has about Robert’s, let’s be completely honest. He does not care enough to even question the fact that Aaron is literally sticking his face into Robert’s face. He doesn’t give one shit lads.

Robert does though because Robert absolutely still wants to be boning Aaron. Aaron has no intention of getting anywhere near that D though, so. Here we are. Sexually charged, angry growling.

I mean, I’ll take it.


Honourable Mention #14: 15th - 25th June 2015

Aaron and Andy, ever buddies, later meet up and try to get information out of each other - Andy wants to know where Victoria is and Aaron wants to know why Robert is sending texts to Diane from Vic’s phone. This morphs into a great conversation about Robert (or rather about how much Aaron does not trust Robert). Poor, easily influenced Andy then asks Robert about Aaron the next time he sees him - he wants to know why Aaron seems to hate Robert as much as he does. Robert’s on the spot excuse is that Aaron doesn’t like Robert acting like the boss at the scrapyard.

I guess Andy hasn’t yet realised that literally the only time Robert gets involved in scrapyard business is when he’s trying to find a reason to get Aaron to talk to him.

Later, Rob invites himself into the pub back room and sort of flirtily confronts Aaron about it all. Aaron is, as ever, completely Over It and refuses to play along with whatever game Robert is trying to start. Rob uses his soft voice and tries to convince Aaron to tell him where Victoria is and Aaron is all “u have such a nice smile i guess i’ll tell you, she’s in Birmingham… lol jk UR NOT THE BOSS OF ME ANYMORE”. Rob gets angry and Aaron acts completely unphased, but as soon as Rob walks away, Aaron’s face drops and he looks the complete opposite of unbothered.

He’s great at putting up a grumpy front, our Aaron.

Anyway, Andy gets the idea that Cain knows where Vic and Adam are and says as much to Robert, which sets Rob down a fateful path of winding Cain the hell up - something he will soon find out is decidedly not a good idea.

Related - Chrissie has this whole plot about wanting to speak to Aaron and feeling suspicious and then for literally NO DISCERNIBLE REASON WHATSOEVER Cain and Chrissie make out in the garage??????? and Harriet, who is being paid by Robert to follow Cain and find Victoria, takes pictures.

LOOK I KNOW CHRISSIE IS HOT AF BUT CAIN IS MARRIED TO MOIRA AND

IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE?????????

It does result in some iconic™ scenes though so I can’t be too mad at it.

Rob unknowingly ~~~charms~~~ the photos of them kissing out of Harriet and looks SO UPSET because KARMA HURTS DOESN’T IT ROB

IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH

He makes Harriet give him copies and sits around just staring at them, pondering his options.

The option he ends up choosing is blackmail. He full on decides to blackmail Cain, who naturally doesn’t want Moira to find out about his absurd and ridiculous indiscretion. He pulls the most ICONIC STUNT OF ALL TIME by inviting Cain and Moira round for a lavish dinner under the guise of making a business deal and OK OK I KNOW THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ROBRON BUT IT’S INCREDIBLE SO JUST STICK WITH ME HERE OK

Lawrence and Chrissie are HELLA SUSPICIOUS of Robert because they know him and also HELLA UNCOMFORTABLE - Lawrence because he’s a classist asshole and Chrissie bc she snogged that dude not 24 hours ago.

As soon as they’re all sat down, Rob goes and stands in a hallway and texts Cain with the photo of he and Chrissie making out. Everyone is all ~~~hey Cain why are you all quiet hmmm~~~ while Cain stares absolute daggers at Robert and his smug face.

Turns out Cain doesn’t appreciate being ambushed and as soon as they both excuse themselves, he shoves Rob against a wall. They have some hilariously weird banter and it’s just g r e a t and I WANT THEM TO HAVE SCENES TOGETHER ALL THE TIME.

ANyways, Rob threatens Cain and goes on another rant about his current arch-enemy Adam and basically says FIND OUT WHERE THEY ARE OR I’M TELLING UR WIFE THAT U SNOGGED MY WIFE FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON

Also then Chrissie pops up and Rob decides to confront her about it too. Rob is all upset and angry and LITERALLY SAYS THE WORDS “I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO YOU”

IN FAIRNESS HE’S BEING TOTALLY HONEST - ROB WOULD NEVER STOP THE CHEATING AT JUST A MEANINGLESS KISS

Anyways, Rob continues to go about his days, looking like he’s having the fucking time of his life having the upper hand against Cain - he loves feeling like Top Dog, our Rob, doesn’t he? Also Rob makes a HILARIOUS NUMBER OF INNUENDOES and it’s all just hilarious.

Never one to be one-upped, particularly by someone who gets as quickly and recklessly out of his depth as Robert does, Cain finds out where the missing delinquents are through Finn and finds out that they’re planning on getting married. He goes back and tells Robert this, who instantly flips out because, again, he has a hilarious vendetta against Adam.

LONG STORY SHORT, Rob gets too power mad and pushes Cain too far and also decides to wreck the wedding, which Cain reckons Moira will hate -

And honestly, every person with a logical brain thinks that Robert is being INSANE -

So Cain kidnaps Robert.

Naturally.

The rest of the family make it to the wedding and it’s awesome and hella dramatic. Cain rocks up at the end of the wedding and Aaron ends up opening the boot of his car, only to find Robert, tied up and gagged, and not in a fun way.

(There’s no way that’s their kink, honestly - they’ve got too much irl experience with it involving other people at this point).


Honourable Mention #15: 25th June 2015

Aaron is NOT ABOUT this kidnapping business because he is a good person and actually no it’s totally because he still loves Robert. He LOVES ROBERT AND HE IS VISIBLY UPSET ABOUT CAIN’S PLAN TO BEAT THE SENSE OUT OF HIM AND IT’S JUST AMAZING IT’S AMAZING.

Cain takes Robert and Aaron to a random warehouse because Cain probably has access to at least 75% of the warehouses in Yorkshire. He ties Robert up and threatens him and Rob is smug as anything. Aaron is all STOP MOUTHING OFF ROBERT YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT and Cain makes Aaron wait outside. Aaron looks reluctant but does it anyway and the SECOND Aaron is gone, the smug smile drops right off Robert’s face. Rob tries to bargain his way out of it but… well. It doesn’t work.

Aaron stands outside, hearing Rob’s screams of pain, and looks flipping distraught.

Cain manages to get Rob’s phone passcode out of him so that he can delete the pictures, but Rob starts stupidly threatening to kill Cain, which he doesn’t take too kindly to. It’s at this moment, right as Cain is about to start up round two, that Aaron bursts in and makes Cain stop. He unties Robert, holds him up, says he’ll tell Moira that something is up if Cain doesn’t let them go and eventually shoves Cain into a wall, locks him in the warehouse and he and Robert escape - in Cain’s car.

Aaron eventually gets Robert home and Rob is all “thanks xoxo it’s nice to know you still care about me” and Aaron DOES NOT EVEN REPLY BECAUSE AARON NEVER STOPPED LOVING ROBERT and instead asks why he was ever stupid enough to even mess with Cain. He’s all “YOU SHOULD BE MORE SCARED OF HIM UR GONNA GET HURT AGAIN OH AND BTW I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU HOW DARE YOU EVER IMPLY THAT I AM JUST A GOOD PERSON DOING THE RIGHT THING”

Only his facade is slipping right off because not even Robert believes Aaron - he says as much and Aaron doesn’t even respond, just disappears into the night and leaves Robert sitting there, bloody but smiling in the Home Farm kitchen because sure, he may have gotten beaten up today, but he also knows - he knows - that Aaron’s cold front has warmed up just the fraction high enough that he’s got another chance.

And really, that’s all Robert ever wanted.

A little while later, Chrissie walks in on Robert looking all broken and bruised and looks shocked which, by this point? It’s a bit much, she’s seen him looking like this so many times. He actually tells her a very stripped down version of the truth and just looks all sad - which only gets worse when Chrissie lets slip that Victoria and Adam did in fact get married.

Ever the drama queen, Robert gets up and limps his way over to the Woolie, where they’re having their reception/post-court hearing party. Rob goes for Adam and Victoria tells him to leave and eventually, Aaron yells at Robert and tells him to go, which Robert actually listens to. Aaron doesn’t even sound particularly vitriolic bc l-o-v-e.

Cain wanders in and forces Aaron into the back room - because lest we forget, Aaron locked him in a warehouse and stole his car. Cain punches Aaron, who refuses to back down - he tells Cain that he won’t let him hurt Robert - that Cain doesn’t need to, because Aaron has something on Robert far, far greater than anything Rob could possibly have on Cain.

He’s not wrong.

ANYWAY IT’S ALL ICONIC AND AARON IS CRYING AND LIKE YEP ROBERT WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR…. AND IT WAS WITH… M E.

The next day, Cain confronts Robert because of course he does. Rather than immediately label Robert as ‘gay’, True Ally Cain Dingle says that Robert bats for both teams, which I appreciate.

Poor Robert appreciates it… less.

On the one hand, poor Robert keeps getting outed, which sucks. On the other hand… k a r m a.

BUT NO NO NO I JOKE BUT I GENUINELY FEEL BAD FOR ROBERT IN THIS CASE OK I REALLY GOD DAMN DO

He immediately goes to confront Aaron, absolutely furious that Aaron outed him and they have… such an honest conversation it’s actually REALLY FUCKIN TRIPPY.

Rob says “do you have any idea how scared I was yesterday?” and my heart starts the hurting train that it ain’t gonna get off for the rest of the scene. AND THENNNN ROB, HURTING AND ANGRY, MAKES A DIG ABOUT AARON EUTHANISING JACKSON AND AARON UNDERSTANDABLY SHOVES THE LITTLE FUCK AGAINST THE DOOR.

God bless the wall shoves.

Rob is all THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO PPL YOU LOVE - which, no rob aaron literally had nothing to do with cain kidnapping you - but again, Robert is angry and upset. He doesn’t understand that  Aaron outed him more out of desperation more than anything else - because it was the only way he could ensure Cain wouldn’t go find Robert and finish the job. He literally says that he wanted to save Robert because of how he ~~~FELT~~~~ (luv that past tense mmhmm) about Robert.

What Aaron doesn’t understand, can’t understand, is that Robert is afraid that Cain is as heartless as Robert is. Rob knows that if the situation were reversed, he’d milk the knowledge of Cain’s sexuality for all it was worth (see: how he treated Lawrence). He’s terrified that Cain is going to use it against him - that it will all eventually come out and Robert will “have to choose”.

Oh Rob. Oh babe.

Oh and then he calls Aaron pathetic again and says ~~you’ll be sorry~~~.

Over the next few days, Rob spends a bunch of time trying to get Aaron to “talk about the scrapyard accounts” with him for probably no reason other than being annoyed at him. Cain is loving his life and making Robert just randomly pay for stuff for him to wind him up. Also, Larry is starting this whole scheme to invest in local businesses for the tax break.

Aaron spends all this time preoccupied by this mess he’s caused for Robert and tries his best to help. Aaron ends up telling Cain to leave Robert alone. Cain reassures him that he’s not going to do anything, but that Aaron should leave Robert alone as well. AS WE ALL KNOW, WHENEVER ANYONE TELLS AARON TO STAY AWAY FROM ROBERT, AARON DOES THE EXACT OPPOSITE. Aaron ends up getting HELLA PISSED OFF at Cain and…

Look, we’ve seen this before. We all know how this ends.

Cain takes one last trip to see Robert, all GIVE ME 17 GRAND AND STAY AWAY FROM AARON FOREVER AND I WILL LEAVE U ALONE. Robert… does neither. He does buy Moira a new grain pit though.

Ah. The grain pit.


Honourable Mention #16: 7th - 8th July 2015

So. Moira needs help at the farm. Robert volunteers to help Andy out for reasons. In unrelated news, Aaron is also helping Andy out.

Andy can’t quite believe it, because Robert never does manual labour. What Andy does not yet realise is that Robert doesn’t do manual labour unless Aaron is involved (and even then it’s touch and go). THEY HAVE A WHOLE CONVERSATION AND ROB TALKS ABOUT HOW HE NEVER WANTED TO BE A FARMER AND MENTIONS JACK AND u just gotta love a casual Jack Sugden shoutout.

ANYWAY ANDY GETS ROB SOME OVERALLS AND AARON IS LIKE UH ARE YOU SURE WE NEED TO INVOLVE HIM AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND FILLED WITH SEXUAL TENSION AND I CRY

AND THEN THEY HAVE A BUNCH OF SCENES WHERE THEY STAND REAL CLOSE TO EACH OTHER AND STARE INTO EACH OTHERS EYES WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT FARMING

AND THEN OK OK OK SO THEY FINISH UP THE DAY - ANDY, ROB AND AARON - AND ANDY IS ALL “LADS! LADS! LADS! CHEEKY PINT AND BANTS DOWN THE LOCAL AYYYYYY” AND ALSO LIKE “BLESS U ROB IM PROUD OF U FOR PROVING U CAN DO THE HARD GRAFT” AND AARON IS ALL “I SHALL BE HERE TOMORROW ALSO SO THAT I CAN SHOW ROBERT HOW IT’S DONE THIS ISN’T SEXUAL”

AND THEN ANDY LEAVES AND IT’S JUST ROB AND AARON AND AARON IS LIKE “IM GONNA GIVE THESE DRINKS A MISS” AND ROB IS LIKE “BC CHAS WILL ASK QUESTIONS”

AND AARON JUST SAYS “I DON’T NEED THE HASSLE”

NOT: NO I CAN’T STAND U AND HOPE U DIE

NOT: I WOULD RATHER FEED MYSELF TO SHARKS THAN SPEND ONE MOMENT OF MY FREE TIME CHILLING WITH YOU

JUST: MY MUM WILL GET SUSPICIOUS BC WE HAVE THIS HILARIOUS HABIT OF FALLING BACK INTO BED WITH EACH OTHER THE SECOND ONE OF US SMILES AT THE OTHER

NBD

AND THEN ROB IS LIKE :) GUESS IT BETTER STAY OUR LITTLE SECRET HMMMMM AND THEN HE LEAVES

AND AARON’S FACE

LIKE

THEY BOTH JUST

K N O W

SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN

AARON KNOWS HE’S PLAYING WITH FIRE AND HE CAN’T STOP HIMSELF FROM DOING IT ANYWAY

BECAUSE HE’S FUCKIN IN LOVE WITH ROBERT AND ALSO IT’S BEEN A WHILE OK HE’S A GROWN MAN AND HE HAS NEEDS

GUYS I LOVE THIS STORYLINE SO MUCH

AND ALSO THEN AARON GOES HOME AND SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T MENTION THAT HE’S BEEN HANGING ABOUT WITH ROBERT

CHAS FINDS OUT ANYWAY THO BC OF COURSE

Of course she does. She and Paddy have a worried little pow-wow and Paddy goes on Mission Abort Robron. He has a little chat with Aaron, who doesn’t want to hear the lecture and starts deflecting back onto Chas and Paddy. Again, because telling Aaron what to do always goes down like a pile of lead, it doesn’t work. The next day, Paddy, undeterred, decides to bunk off saving the lives of dying animals and instead vows to follow Aaron and Robert around and watch their every move, in an attempt to keep them from doing the nasty.

CASE IN POINT, Aaron is chilling in Moira’s kitchen, probs playing a game on his phone. Rob walks in and takes his Rolex off. Aaron is all “how do u know someone isn’t gonna nick it” and Rob is all “dw babe I TRUST U (also it’s insured)” and then Paddy just BURSTS IN LIKE THE LEAST SUBTLE MOST AWKWARD INTERLOPER SINCE TIME BEGAN.

Aaron and Rob know what he’s doing immediately, but then Andy walks in and is, in true Andy style, entirely oblivious to anything else that might be going down. Paddy is all AARON IS GONNA HELP ME OUT FOR A BIT BECAUSE AARON’S GOOD WITH DUMB ANIMALS, THERE’S A BIT OF AN ATTRACTION.

SICK FUCKIN BURN PADDY, TAKE THAT ROBBO YOU SUCKA.

(Aaron doesn’t find it quite so funny bc he doesn’t like being told what to do and also because only he can insult the love of his life thx v much Padders)

ANYWAY PADDY IS ALREADY FAILING HIS ANTI ROBRON CAMPAIGN BECAUSE HE LEAVES THEM ALONE AND

LIKE

THEY’RE ALREADY TALKING IN “US” AND “WE” TERMS OK IT’S A DONE DEAL THEY’RE FUCKIN BOYFRIENDS AGAIN WELCOME TO THE NEW REALITY

Rob is all “What’s his deal?” and Aaron is like “he doesn’t trust us” and Robert just SMILES and says “we’re too old for babysitters aren’t we?” and look IS IT JUST ME OR IS EVERY SCENE IN THIS STORYLINE THE MOST SEXUALLY CHARGED SCENE YOU’VE EVER WATCHED

THEY JUST

KEEP STARING AT EACH OTHER

KNOWING THAT SOONER OR LATER (SOONER) THEY’RE GONNA HAVE MORE MINDBLOWING SEX AND IT’S ALL GONNA BE GREAT

ALSO SIDE NOTE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE VILLAGE DIANE HAS A QUICK RANDOM CHAT WITH LARRY AND CHRISSIE ABOUT ROBERT AND DIANE SAYS THAT ROBERT IS “A GOOD KID” AS LONG AS HE’S GOT SOMETHING TO OCCUPY HIMSELF AND THAT WHEN HE’S BORED, THAT’S WHEN HE’S TROUBLE

WHICH IS SOMETHING I ALWAYS MAINTAIN IS TRUE - ROBERT NEEDS SOMETHING TO DISTRACT HIMSELF AND IF HE DOESN’T HAVE THAT, HE WILL FIND SOMETHING AND THAT SOMETHING IS USUALLY SOMETHING STUPID AND/OR RISKY

A BORED ROBERT IS NO ONE’S FRIEND

(unless there’s someone around he can be romantic with u know)

Anyways.

Robert and Aaron low key flirt in front of Paddy and Paddy is like OK BUT WHAT IF U STAY AWAY FROM HIM and Aaron is all THERE’S NOTHING GOING ON IT’S FINE

And literally in the next scene they’re sitting next to each other, drinking tinnies. Paddy walks up just as Rob is all OK WHAT IF WE GO GET A DRINK AY and Aaron takes one look at Paddy and makes the instant decision that he is a GROWN UP WHO CAN DO WHAT THE HELL HE LIKES (v mature, our aaron). Aaron looks at Rob and is like SO IT’S JUST ME AND YOU THEN! LETS GO TO THE SCRAPYARD AND GRAB A DRINK and they walk away, completely point blank ignoring Paddy’s panicked calls after them.

As they walk away, Aaron says that he and Adam keep a couple of cans in the scrapyard fridge for “special occassions”. Rob is like “…u reckon this qualifies?” and Aaron says THAT’S UP TO YOU and just sort of stares at Rob because WHAT KIND OF ABSURD SEX CODE DO THEY HAVE

As they’re walking up to the portacabin, they’re chatting and whatever and acting normal - until the door closes and they’re officially completely alone. Rob leans back against the door and puts his soft voice on and asks Aaron why they’re hiding away. Aaron basically says that everyone not named Robert Jacob Sugden is currently getting on his last nerve and they have some smiley soft flirty banter about Paddy’s stalking adventures.

Rob asks if Paddy is worried about them and Aaron is like “He reckons you and me are gonna get it back on” and Rob smiles and says “Yeah?” and Aaron says “Yeah” and then AARON JUST GOES RIGHT IN FOR IT AND THEY’RE MAKING OUT AND AARON TAKES ROBERT’S SHIRT OFF IMMEDIATELY BC THAT IS ALWAYS WHAT AARON DOES AND

HAPPY SIGH

FINALLY

PORTACABIN SEX.

Paddy, praise the lord, somehow took the scenic route back to the scrapyard and so only turns up after they’ve already done the dirty. Paddy waits outside and Robert promises to call Aaron, before telling Paddy not to give Aaron a hard time, because “he doesn’t deserve it” because it’s LOVE.

Ah. Savour this moment guys. Savour this beautiful feeling, because this is sort of… where the happiness ends… for a while. Um.

Yeah.


18. 22nd July 2015 - 23rd July 2015

SO PADDY IS NOT THAT HAPPY ABOUT THE ROBRON SEX. AS IT TURNS OUT.

IN FACT, HE’S SO MAD THAT HE SENDS CHRISSIE A WEIRD HANDWRITTEN NOTE THAT SAYS “REIN YOUR CHEATING HUSBAND IN”. THE ‘I’S HAVE CUTE LITTLE BUBBLES. IT’S ICONIC.

Rob doesn’t take too kindly to this, when he finds out, and decides to scare Paddy out of his hair, by almost DROWNING HIM IN THE NEW GRAIN PIT.

First he confronts Aaron about the note, which he obviously has no idea about. Aaron instantly knows that Paddy is responsible and tells Robert to leave it. If only Rob had listened, ey? Ah, what could have been…

Aaron confronts Paddy, who talks about all the shit Aaron has put himself through, all the ways his relationship with Robert messed with his head and it’s just great and sad. As Aaron walks away, Robert, who is just randomly sitting outside on a bench, sees them and suddenly, he knows exactly who wrote the letter. Rob gets all threatening and Paddy is actually not scared of him in the slightest, just threatens to tell Chrissie again. In beautifully convenient timing, Lawrence has just made Robert Company Director of Home Farm Estates and has also stuck him in the will.

(Bless I don’t think he lasted in there for very long)

ANYWAY all of a sudden Rob’s wildest dreams have come through, so naturally he decides that more important that anything in the world is to protect said dreams. So he tries to drown Paddy in the grain pit.

It’s a whole thing.

He listens to Paddy yell and scream for a bit and then walks away. We find out that Marlon and Paddy are supposed to be going to a Banjo Festival in Skipton, because of course, and Aaron is grumpy and annoyed about Paddy.

Turns out that while Paddy has been knocked unconscious and drowning, Rob has been hiding behind a tree. He goes to check on his victim and finds out that actually things are slightly more life threateningly serious than he anticipated.

Rob goes to take off his jacket, presumably to dive in and save Paddy and not because he’s feeling slightly warm, but then Andy comes back and he has to leg it over a fence. Andy calls an ambulance and then calls Marlon, who tells Aaron and Chas and Aaron fully flips out and basically runs to the hospital to go be with him.

Rob is back at Home Farm and freaking out himself. He calls Aaron, to make sure that Paddy is alive and he hasn’t committed one more murder, I assume. Aaron fills Rob in and cries and Rob looks deeply unsettled while trying to act shocked and concerned.

Rob goes to visit Paddy on behalf of Home Farm and uses the opportunity to threaten Paddy, Rhona and Leo. YES. A TINY CHILD. Mostly he just walks around looking like a DERANGED PERSON. He’s all DONT TELL CHRISSIE OR AARON ANYTHING OR I’LL MURDER EVERYTHING U LOVE.

Completely reasonable. Sure.

Paddy is understandably uncomfortable with Aaron staying in a relationship with this PERSON WHO IS CLEARLY A PSYCHOPATH but has no idea how to warn Aaron off, especially when Aaron is in such a Robert-positive place.

At the same time as all this is happening, Larry’s Local Business competition is back in action and Robert finds a sneaky way to basically ensure that Aaron and Adam win, because he likes to do nice things for his boyfriend, when he’s not trying to murder his dad or godson.

Lawrence announces the winner of the contest in the Woolie, because where else in the village of Emmerdale, honestly? Holey Scrap wins, Larry gives Aaron a massive cheque and Robert looks all proud and happy. If you ignore the context, it’s beautiful.

Rob tells Aaron that he had nothing to do with the whole scheme - Rob is basically lying every time he opens his mouth at this point - and tells him to not blow this massive opportunity that’s just landed in his lap.

Aaron goes up to Home Farm for a meeting with Robert and Lawrence and Rob and Aaron smile at each other a bit and then Rob manages to talk his way into a trip up to a convention with Aaron, where they’re going to be staying in the middle of nowhere.

In a lodge.

Paddy overhears this, because he’s checking up on Dog, who is ill. A WHOLE BUNCH OF WHATEVER HAPPENS - ROB AND PADDY HAVE SCENES WHERE ROB THREATENS PADDY SOME MORE, ACTS SMUG AND PADDY MANAGES TO FUCK OVER AARON’S CONVENTION PLANS WITH THE SHEER NEED TO KEEP AARON AWAY FROM ROB BLAH BLAH LET’S SKIP TO THE DIRT

PADDY FINALLY TELLS AARON THAT ROBERT WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GRAIN PIT, AFTER PADDY FAKES A BREAK DOWN ON THE LAY-BY (THE CRUELEST OF FUCKIN IRONIES RIGHT THERE - BREAKING ROBRON UP IN THE SAME PLACE IT STARTED). IT’S ALL JUST… SAD AND PAINFUL AND AARON’S FACE HURTS MY VERY SOUL.

Aaron tries to explain away Rob’s feelings, says “he wouldn’t do that” and means “he wouldn’t do that to me” and is just generally highly #relatable. It’s so sad. They have a conversation about not knowing what Robert is capable of. Aaron promises to stay away from Robert.

Again, never believe Aaron when he says that. Never.

It turns out, Aaron literally goes home and immediately calls Robert who comes running. They firm up their plan to go to their private lodge for a few days, because Aaron wants to get back at Robert by setting him up.

Sooooo, they go to the Lodge and Aaron tries to act all happy to be there, even while he’s dying a slow death on the inside. Robert tries to seduce him by talking about cars and Aaron starts recording their conversation and tries to find a way to get Robert to admit that he killed Katie.

Admittedly, this type of subterfuge… really is not his strongest skill.

It doesn’t work out all that well.

In fact, Aaron gives up the front almost immediately and just flat out says YOU TRIED TO KILL PADDY. Robert is like “Of course not! I would never hurt you or anyone close to you”, which I’m sure we all like to think about Robert, but he’s proven time and time over that that… hasn’t always been true. Case in point. Aaron calls him out on everything, keeps pushing him and pushing him - something Aaron is actually very good at when it comes to Robert - something that Aaron uses over and over again to worm the truth out of Robert.

Ultimately, Robert cracks and admits it out loud, says he only meant to scare Paddy but it went too far. Aaron’s face morphs completely as the very real shock of it hits him - any tiny shred of hope he might have had that Robert didn’t actually try to kill his surrogate father is dead and buried. Sad.

Aaron is all “I thought I knew you” and he’s crying and then he brings up Katie, keeps egging Robert on, until Robert cracks again and finally admits that he pushed her. He pushed her and she died.

Aaron attacks Robert, Robert hits back and ends up knocking Aaron unconscious. He realises quickly that Aaron has recorded their whole incriminating conversation and then, because Rob clearly does not understand the cloud, smashes Aaron’s phone into pieces.

He ties Aaron to a radiator and apparently just sort of… sits there and stares at him until Aaron wakes up again. As soon as Aaron opens his eyes, Rob says “You did this” to him and scrambles up, to go back home, leaving Aaron to a likely cold and uncomfortable night on the floor.

Rob comes back the next morning with some water for Aaron. He removes the gag so that he can speak to Aaron properly and Aaron just glares at him and Rob is all HEY STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT :( and I DIE because HE’S NOT EXACTLY GOING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW ROBERT, YOU ABSOLUTE NUTTER.

Aaron goes on to talk about how terrible Robert is and Robert looks downright heartbroken about it and  honestly HONESTLY ROBERT HAVE A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE SON YOU HAVE HIM TIED TO A RADIATOR AND BLEEDING

Aaron accuses Rob of killing Katie because he couldn’t handle ~being gay~ which Robert tells Aaron is a massive misunderstanding bc first of all he is NOT gay and second of all actUALLY IT’S ABOUT MONEY AARON SMHHH

AND THEN YOU HAVE THE FIRST BIG ICONIC LINE

Because Robert is a god damn wild MESS in these episodes, absolutely just running round in a constant state of broken panic, with too many feelings and not enough ways to deal with them and on the verge of doing about 15 different terrible things and I make a lot of jokes about how ABSURD he is but it’s SUCH GOOD CHARACTER WORK FOR HIM LIKE IT IS FASCINATING

AND FOR AARON TOO, THESE EPISODES REALLY SHOW THE RELENTLESS PIT BULL SIDE OF HIM - THE SIDE THAT REALLY KNOWS HOW TO WIND ROBERT UP, KNOWS HOW TO GET ROBERT TO OPEN UP, FOR BETTER OR WORSE

IT’S JUST ALL SO GOOD

SO anyway Aaron is like “so money is all you care about?” and Robert looks dead into Aaron’s eyes and says “I wish that was all I cared about” and FUCK IT I’M JUST GONNA QUOTE THIS BITCH

Rob: Don’t you see? It’s you. You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Falling in love with you ruined everything.

WHICH IS ACCURATE BECAUSE YOU KNOW

ROB HAD ALL THESE SELF-SERVING PLANS FOR HIS LIFE AND AARON CAME ALONG AND BLEW THEM ALL APART PURELY BY BEING SOMETHING ROB LOVED MORE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE.

ANYWAY THENNN Robert goes on to say that finding Katie’s body, Andy’s resultant breakdown and what Robert is doing now is alllll Aaron’s fault, because Aaron drove Robert to this.

Which is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. But then, this is Robert. At this point in his life, self-awareness was very much not his strong suit.

Anyway, Aaron agrees that those things sound much more like they are Robert’s fault. Rob immediately gets offended that Aaron doesn’t seem very sympathetic to his plight and then he utters my FAVOURITE ROBERT LINE OF ALL TIME BC I HAVE ISSUES.

Rob: Do you really think I’m that selfish, that psychotic that I would actually kill someone?

[PAUSE]

Aaron: …Yeah.

Rob: …Let’s find out shall we.

AND THEN AARON’S FACE DROPS IN CONFUSION AND FEAR BC HE ACTUALLY VERY MUCH DID NOT THINK THAT THIS WAS THE DIRECTION THE CONVERSATION WAS GOING TO GO IN.

BUT NOPE. THAT’S IT. ROBBO’S LOST THE PLOT.

SO Rob gets up and leaves and returns??? With???? A gun????????????????????? Sure?????

Rob talks about his feelings about Katie and Andy and about how he’s not a killer, how he never wanted things get that far. Aaron calls out Robert - asks him if it wasn’t just the tiniest bit lucky that Katie fell and broke her neck and I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME YO.

AND I THINK ROB DOES TOO BECAUSE FUCK IF HE HAD ANY SORT OF PLAN THERE. He was just shoving her, just wanted to get her phone and somehow convince her to be quiet. But how far would he really have gone???

And really - really that’s what the lodge is about. Seeing how far Robert would actually go.

Robert cries, feels completely stuck. IN THE CHOICE BETWEEN MURDERING AARON AND LOSING EVERYTHING, WHAT IS A BOY TO DO HMMM.

AND THEN!!! AARON IS LIKE TBH JUST KILL ME M8. JUST DO IT. because again, Aaron only knows how to egg Robert into working out what his feelings are. AND THEN ROBERT SAYS “IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULDN’T PUT ME IN THIS POSITION” BC AGAIN ROB HAS NO IDEA HOW TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THINGS

(he’s getting better at this)

(sort of)

(when you’re at rock bottom the only way really is up)

Aaron, again, sees how idiotic Robert is being and also wants to cause Rob some more pain bc he’S STILL TIED TO A FRICKING RADIATOR so he’s like “of course i don’t love u rob u disgust me and i wish i’d never met you”, which prompts rob to pick the gun back up and point it right the fuck in Aaron’s face

AND THEN ROB IS KNEELING THERE POINTING A GUN AT AARON AND CRYING AND SAYING “I MEANT IT, I LOVED YOU” AND IT’S SO! FUCKED! UP!

And that’s when Paddy walks in and Robert, freaking out, instinctively turns around and shoots the poor bastard.

Aaron and Robert both freak out at the fact that Paddy is bleeding out on the lodge floor. Aaron keeps winding Robert up because SURE WHY NOT and then Paddy is all AARON SHUT THE FUCK UP i need medical attention

And he gets Robert to stitch up his GSW, because Rob is understandably hesitant to take them all down to the A&E. So… Paddy talks Robert through cleaning and stitching a bullet wound. Aaron is still highly strung and geared to wind Robert up even more, which Paddy thinks is INSANE BEHAVIOUR because Robert is clearly a psycho.

Robert, a complete idiot but not actually a psycho, just someone who regularly gets himself WAY THE FUCK IN OVER HIS FUCKING HEAD through sheer short sighted and selfish behaviour, starts crying again, because he knows now that he can’t actually murder them both.

Paddy talks Robert down, gets Aaron to do the same, and eventually Robert just… lets them both go. Because what else can he do? Nothing, apparently. He lets them both go and goes home to Chrissie and clings onto her like a child because you know what, it has been a #day.

Aaron and Paddy drive back and talk about Katie. Paddy says “we don’t decide who we fall for” and UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKIN CENTURY PADDY THAT COULD BE THE AARON AND ROBERT MOTTO AT THIS POINT

Aaron still wants revenge on Robert and Paddy says that you can’t win with people like Robert - you have to let them destroy themselves. That feels like… a very sharp perception of who Robert is and what will eventually happen to him, in all honesty.

Because Aaron is Aaron, he can’t quite leave it there. As his parting gift to Robert, the last thing he does before leaving him alone forever (or… if not for forever, then for a little while…), he makes his way up to Home Farm, breaks into the house and waits for Chrissie and Rob to find him.

The second Rob sees him, he looks like he’s going to be sick. Which. Is appropriate. Because Aaron launches into the entire story - the fact that he and Robert have been sleeping together all this time, that he has proof, that he can tell Chrissie when and where and what she was doing each time they were banging behind her back.

HE FUCKIN SAYS “WHY DO YOU THINK HE WAS LATE FOR YOUR WEDDING CHRISSIE? BECAUSE HE WAS WITH ME.” and i die.

And then, finally, on his way out, Aaron looks at Robert and says “All that you’ve worked for is gone” and then he leaves like the true drama queen he was born to be.

Chrissie immediately starts screaming at Robert and tells him to leave - and hey would you look at this, it’s two break ups in one and Robert really is, ultimately, left with no one.

How long did it last?

God save our patient souls.

Who came crawling back first? They both did. But…. yeah, it was Robert. I mean… there’s understandably a whole issue of redeeming the dick first. Bless him. I’m still in shock about HOW GOOD his redemption arc ended up being. But… that’s for a later post.

How little did they mean it? 57/5. Like. The most a person can mean a break up. For a while, anyway. Until Robert finally changes his ways and his priorities and learns how to be more of a human and less of a mess. Sort of. For a bit. He tries.


GOOD EVER LOVING GOD that’s it! The affair is blown and everyone knows… if not all of Robert’s secrets then at least one very big one. And so we move smoothly into the next era. Hopefully you enjoyed this long ass mess of a part. Sure, it only had one official break up in it, but it was a damn big break up.

Next up: Can you break up if you’re not actually together?


BONUS

So, I wrote the first half of this post many moons ago. The danger with writing these posts in this way and then leaving them for months is that, when writing, I will often go off on tangents around present day Emmerdale that quickly become completely contextually irrelevant as both time and storylines progress. This happened with the next few paragraphs, wherein apparently I had some pent up anger to express. Again, it doesn’t make any sense to leave it in the post, but even though it’s an outdated rant, I’m adding it to the bottom of this post anyway, both for integrity, and for that Christina joke.

An excerpt from the OG Honourable Mention #13:

Rob tries to act like he’s there to charm his sister’s whereabouts out of Aaron and let’s be real here, deep down he wants that shit to work.

It doesn’t, because Aaron has been there, done that enough times to know better by this point

AND OK, WHEN PEOPLE CALL AARON A PUSHOVER OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY SAY I WOULD JUST LIKE TO DIRECT YOU TO THIS POINT IN TIME AND EVERY OTHER SINGLE POINT IN TIME WHERE HE HAD NO INTENTION OF GOING ANYWHERE N E A R ROBERT BECAUSE ROBERT HAD TREATED HIM HORRIBLY AND AARON DOES, CONTRARY TO APPARENTLY POPULAR BELIEF, HAVE THE STRENGTH TO WALK AWAY WHEN HE KNOWS HE NEEDS TO. HE’S NOT WITH ROBERT BECAUSE HE CAN’T FIND THE STRENGTH TO TRUST THE VOICE WITHIN AS XTINA WOULD SAY. AARON IS WITH ROBERT BECAUSE HE TRUSTS ROBERT’S INTENTIONS, AND HE KNOWS THAT ROBERT HAD WORKED DAMN HARD TO CHANGE HIS PANTO VILLAIN WAYS AND HE RESPECTS THAT!!! AND HE LOVES THE PERSON THAT ROBERT IS. BUT WHEN ROBERT CALLOUSLY TREATS HIM LIKE SHIT, AARON DOESN’T TAKE IT. AARON HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH WITH ROBERT BY NOW TO KNOW WHEN ROB IS BEING SINCERE AND TBH IT JUST.

IT MAKES ME MAD. BECAUSE AARON IS A CHARACTER WHO IS STRONG ENOUGH TO KNOW HIS OWN MIND AND HIS OWN HEART AND YES HE HAS HAD TO FORGIVE ROBERT OVER AND OVER, YES THAT IS A HUGE PART OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT AARON KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROB IN THOSE EARLY TERRIBLE DAYS OF 2015, WHEN HIS SORRYS MEANT NOTHING AT ALL, AND CURRENT DAY 2017 AND IT’S NOT WEAK FOR HIM TO UNDERSTAND THAT ROBERT HAS GROWN AND IS ACTUALLY SINCERE IN HIS APOLOGIES NOW AND TO WANT TO LISTEN TO AND ACCEPT THAT ANd I just don’t like when people imply that 2015 Robert and Aaron and 2017 Robert and Aaron are the same thing because it negates everything Aaron and Robert have been through and all of Robert’s character development and growth and everything Aaron has learnt and accepted and all the ways that Aaron has forced Robert to be better and look any forgiveness Aaron has given Robert at this point, Robert has done a lot to earn ok and sometimes people deserve forgiveness and uh this got off track.

…So Rob’s charm doesn’t work and Robert makes a swift escape, Vic’s phone safely in his pocket.   


See you next time!

But seriously, what’s worse when it comes to cliffhangers? 

 Hearing absolutely fucking nothing from the cast/crew/producers/writers/etc for TWO GODDAMN YEARS leaving us to live or die by that pool scene (1x03 The Great Game

 Or getting stupid cryptic rip-my-hair-out Insta vids from an overexcited writer every. single. day. that make no sense whatsoever but they’re from the set and it’s only a year-long hiatus BUT THAT CLIFFHANGER THO

anonymous asked:

ah can i request an angsty scenario where izaya gets into an argument with his s/o (maybe about his health) and they both say hurtful things before she leaves to get some space and ends up being shot or jumped while she's out?? thats sounds confusing. does that sound confusing? if chilli peppers are hot, why do they call them 'chilli' peppers?? who knows.

So when Christopher Columbus went to America to steal a bunch of crap for England he discovered the chili pepper and mistook it for black pepper, hence calling it “chile pepper” - frick knows when it was turned to chili maybe someone was like oh hey it’s funny if there’s two i’s either side of the L lmaolmao 
Anyway there’s your history lesson time for some depressing stuff


Whilst you had always understood what it meant to be involved with Izaya Orihara, there were times you stopped and had to take a step back, just to see what was happening and why everything was speeding at a dramatic pace. Whilst he might not have been the most romantic of partners, he was a powerful partner to have - his connections and knowledge had helped you out on many an occasion.

Still, you couldn’t help but be concerned every now and then. For someone who insisted they “loved all humans” and constantly played his twisted games with the powerful figures in Ikebukuro, he sure acted all high and mighty about it. Whilst most days he was bearable, there were some where you just couldn’t understand him and his attitude.

Today was one of those days; you had left the bedroom to find him at the table, his usual chess board set up with the variety of game pieces spread across. He was bent over it, muttering to himself as he pushed pieces together. To an outsider such as yourself, the order made no sense whatsoever - it just seemed like someone with either a vivid imagination or something wrong.

“Hey.” you approached him with a small smile. “I didn’t see you come to bed last night.”

“I couldn’t sleep.” he responded, whilst pulling out a sheet of paper and drawing up a list; most of the time you couldn’t make any sense of the hasty scribbles he made. “I was too busy figuring out the next move in my plan.”

“Which plan is this?” you asked, a cynical twist to your brow. “The ‘get rid of Shizuo’ plan, or the ‘ascend to Valhalla’ plan? Or maybe the 'make the Black Rider’s life hard’ one? I don’t know, I’ve lost count.” you walked towards the kitchen to make some breakfast only to find dinner still out by the side.

“Ah - Izaya? Did you even eat last night?”

“Of course not.” he dully replied. “Who could eat at a time like this? This is crucial and I need all my brainpower to figure out each move.”

You crossed your arms in irritance. “You still need to eat!”

Izaya looked up at you with a wry grin. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he snickered. “I had no idea you were now my mother.”

You blinked back at this. It wasn’t the first time he had snapped at you in such a way, and probably wouldn’t be the last. And of course, being a man you trusted with your past and your weaknesses, he knew how to strike you strongest when he really needed to. You had seen him strike against his enemies using everything at his disposal - a cruel and brutal attack that always hit the mark.

“I’m only concerned for your health.” you tried to reason with him. “It’s not good to keep staying up late at night and not eating. You’ll become weak, and what would I do if you suddenly collapsed whilst out on a job? I can’t be with you all the time.” You reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, only to have him push it away with his arm.

“You don’t have to be with me at any time.” he looked at you with cold eyes. “If you don’t like how I do things, or live my life, you’re free to leave at any time.”

“You don’t mean that!” you snapped back, and you could feel tears prickling inside your eyes at the blank words he was giving. You could tell the lack of sleep and food was affecting him, no matter how much of a breakthrough he was supposedly having. You knew it was best not to take it personally…and yet…

“Izaya, I love you. I don’t want to see you hurt yourself like this! How could you talk about me leaving when I only want to make you happy!” you slammed your hands on the table next to his arm, an attempt of a passionate exclamation to him. And yet his eyes still seemed lacking of emotion as he sneered.

“You know what would make me happy? If you left and didn’t come back until you learnt your place in my perfect little world.”

You gave a shaky sob as you stood back up, twitching as if slapped by the poisonous words.

“Well…if that’s how you feel…I’ll go out and give you some space for a bit.”

You stepped away, hiding your face from him so he wouldn’t see the tears now rolling down your cheeks. A few minutes later and your shoes were on your feet, ready to leave the apartment. You opened the door, and hesitated for a split second. What worth would it be if you went back to him and embraced him, tried to show your feelings for him physically? Would he snap out of his trance and apologise?

Something inside you whispered that no, he would react just the same. He was in the mood where there was no way of bringing him back anytime soon. The best thing to do, as you agreed, was to give him space to think; and maybe time for you to think yourself as well. With a heavy sigh, you closed the door with a heavy bang, your anger taken out on the wooden frame.

Walking out of the apartment building, you stood, trying to think of where to go. You could always drop by Ikebukuro and see if any of your friends were available for a get together, or wander to the Shinjuku cafes and see what was on offer. Your tummy rumbled as you remembered you hadn’t eaten breakfast yet, and yet a guilty pang shot through you as the image of the left dinner flitted past your mind’s eye. You shook your head, trying to forget the events of the morning as you set off in one direction.

You didn’t notice the black car with tinted windows that was making its way down the road towards you. You didn’t see the window roll down to see a man in black shades and a suit identify you.

“Nothing personal, sweetheart.” he called out, causing you to whip round to face him. “Just leaving a message to your meddlesome boyfriend.”

A horrific pain shot through your abdomen as you realised all too soon the man had shot you, no noise made by the silencer attachment. You tried to let out a scream but your breath had been taken from you, as you collapsed onto the pavement. You raised your hand to your face and saw through your blurring vision the blood stains on your fingers. And then everything went dark.

“Is this Orihara?” a voice drawled down the phone to Izaya’s ear.

“The very same.” he replied, still scribbling down notes and moving the position of the pieces.

“Well, we got a bone to pick with you. See, we ain’t happy with the way you treated our boss, see? So we figured, if you’re gonna stick your nose into our business, then we might as well stick our nose into yours, ya see?”

Izaya frowned as his hand closed on a white queen chess figure, rolling it around with his fingers. “And what exactly does that mean?”

“Well, ya little bird took a little flight, right? Didn’t even see it coming. Direct hit on the stomach. If any luck, she’s already gone.”

“What are you-” his eyed widened in fear as he stopped moving. No way. Could it have been…?

“It’s a shame, too. She was real pretty. Too bad she got involved with a scum like you. Laters.”

The phone clicked dead as Izaya jolted up from his seat, knocking the chess board over. Pieces scattered across the floor with an echoing clatter.

The only thing left was the white queen still held in his hand, held so tightly it was creating an indent in his palm.


- Mel

okay but like am I the only one rather confused by the sanvers proposal? I feel like it’s to placate and distract us gays while they continue to fuck up everything else.

You mean to tell me Maggie “I had a serious relationship for 5 years that didn’t result in marriage” sawyer is just gonna get hitched with Alex “I realised I was gay only 3 moon cycles ago” danvers? I don’t buy it. Not after their slow burn of a start. It makes no sense to go hard with the slow burn and angst and then it be all for nothing because they’re married not 0.2 seconds later. The pacing makes no fucking sense whatsoever and I’m suspicious.

Tbh knowing The CW this sounds like a perfect way to bait the gay audience by distracting us with a wedding so we watch the show only to have “plot twist!!!” one of the lesbians killed off because that’s exactly what the CW would do and this proposal sounds exactly like the type of set up they’d have to pull that shit off.

Don’t get me wrong I’m happy for sanvers and it’s shippers but like I don’t want y'all to get baited af and fall victim to the CW’s favourite trope of the gays who don’t get happy endings

It’s cold in that fridge (the case of Mara Jade)

I think what annoys me most about Mara’s death is that it wasn’t about her.  Karen Traviss literally sat down and said “I need a catalyst to make Jacen a full-fledged Sith.  He needs to kill something he loves.”  But in the end, it wasn’t Mara - it was about killing Ben’s love for him.  This is despite:

  • Mara saving Jacen’s life when he was just a baby and countless times after that; and
  • Mara being his loving aunt through marriage for over twenty years.

Look, I’ll admit that the fight scene between Mara and Jacen and him realising what a powerhouse/force of nature she is, and that she just won’t stop until he’s dead is kind of badass.  But pitting them against each other in that fight required Mara to act extremely out of character and not take Luke for backup.  Yes, she’d been hard on him earlier about not killing Lumiya when he’d had the chance and she knew Luke wouldn’t be on board with assassinating Jacen so she thought she was sparing him that.  That’s fine, I buy TTT-era Mara thinking that way - I’d even be okay with newly-married or Survivor’s Quest Mara making that decision.

But fifty-odd Mara, who of all people has learned the value of forgiveness, who knows Jacen’s mind was warped by the Vong war, who remembers the sweet little boy he was?  I don’t buy it.  But she was protecting Ben, I hear you thinking - yes of course she hated Jacen for corrupting her son, and of course her first thought was he must die, but that wouldn’t have been her only thought.  She’s a fierce mama bear, but she’s not stupid.  At this point in her life she’s been a Jedi longer than she was an assassin, and she would have known better.  She’s no longer the lone wolf of her early years, she has learnt the value of being part of a team and the ultimate partnership with Luke.  

I feel like Traviss made a huge deal about Mara reverting back to her assassin instincts, but it’s misplaced in that time period.  There is literally a line which reads “Sometimes he caught a glimpse of the woman she had once been, and she was a stranger for a second or two.”  ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?!?

This is the woman who despite the Last Command from the Emperor and desire to avenge his death, didn’t track down Luke asap to complete the task despite how seriously she took it, and how deeply she’d been indoctrinated by Palpatine.  Yes, she was on the run from Isard for a bit, but she had plenty of opportunities to do the deed but she didn’t (for example how easy would it have been for her to show up at Han and Leia’s wedding with a long-range rifle and take him out?).  But she waited until Luke literally fell into her lap before attempting to go through with it, and this was when she hated him with the fire of a thousand suns.  Don’t tell me she’s quick to act on her anger, if anything she’s the opposite - she’s a strategiser, a planner.  Luke’s the reckless one - Mara is more controlled.

And Luke is a man who saw Mara at her worst, full of hatred and anger and spite - but even then she was never a stranger, and to have him think this when Mara says you have to “kill cold” is a slap in the face to the deep understanding they have for one another.  

As is her taking off while Luke’s asleep to go after Jacen.  Mara stands in their bedroom and watches him sleep, kisses him goodbye and makes sure he doesn’t wake up, because she knows that he’ll talk her out of it.  She KNOWS going after Jacen is a bad idea, because she knows Luke will convince her it is.  And he can’t convince her of anything she doesn’t already believe.  So her charcaterisation absolutely falls apart and it can’t be handwaved by the fact that she went into overdrive to protect Ben.  It would have been more in character for her to wake Luke, tell him everything, go get Ben and lock his teenage ass up for his own protection, then work out a plan to deal with Jacen.  

Instead she goes after Jacen alone and doesn’t even leave anything helpful in her note.  I mean, how easy would this have been:

Gone hunting for a few days - don’t be mad Farmboy… (btw Jacen is the Sith TELL EVERYONE) 

It’s one thing for a character to be brought down by their own flaws, but those flaws have to make sense for the character in the first place (and lets face it with Mara there’s plenty to choose from.)  But no, her stupidity was required for the plot to go on for another book or two, to kill off Lumiya and set up why Luke wouldn’t just wipe the floor with Jacen’s punk ass.  It was needed to make Jacen into Caedus, this badass who would kill his own aunt and shrug it off without any guilt whatsoever.  

Mara’s death required the regression of her character, in order to advance Jacen’s.  

And that’s terrible.  Objectively terrible.  Ultimately, Mara’s death served the purpose of:

  • Being Jacen’s literal “sacrifice” to become a Sith.
  • Luke’s manpain.
  • Ben’s manpain.  

She didn’t go out in a blaze of glory, sacrificing herself for the greater good, nor did her death signify the brutality and random nature of war.  It was to create conflict between the male characters, so they could respectively gloat/emote about her death.  It was a plot device, rather than a natural progression of the characters and the situation - the knots Jacen had to twist himself into to justify Mara being his “sacrifice” were ridiculous and a disservice to everyone involved.  it was a cheap trick, the literal sacrifice of an awesome female charactar (two if you count Lumiya, and her shrug of the shoulders “well Jacen is a Sith now I guess I need to commit suicide-by Skywalker” is a rant for another day) in order to serve three male characters and their arcs.  

Basically, the fridging to end all fridgings.  

anonymous asked:

Companions and soles reaction to a weak and helpless-looking teenager riding a tamed giant legendary albino deathclaw (sorry I'm just obsessed with deathclaws I fcking luv them and I wish so hard to tame them and hav them as a companion!) ^^

You’d be surprised at what you can encounter out in the wasteland.


Cait: “It’s tame, right? It better be fuckin’ tame. Deathclaw or no deathclaw, if that kid sics their beast on us, I’m'a kick the shit out of ‘em.” Once Cait is properly assured that, yes, the Deathclaw is tame, and that the teen means no harm, she calms down a bit. “Right. Alright. Deadly Beastie is good beastie, sure.” She shoots Sole a side-eyeing look. “I need a drink.”

Codsworth: You wouldn’t think a robot could faint. The explanation is something about ‘overloaded circuits’ and ‘an overheated central processor,’ but the effect is the same; Codsworth saw the deathclaw and collapsed.

Curie: She… forgets, at first, that deathclaws are not friends. “Oh! They are docile, yes?” Without a moment of hesitation, she walks over, pulling a clipboard from somewhere on her person. She’s scrabbling for a pen as well, when the deathclaw breathes hot air from it’s nostrils, growling low in its throat to warn her away. A little sheepish, Curie gives the creature and its rider some space.

Danse: “This- This is not-” He’s not entirely sure what to make of the sight. A deathclaw? Being ridden? Ridiculous. Impossible! And by a sickly adolescent no less. But, as if sensing his thoughts, the deathclaw has its dark, piercing eyes on him, and doesn’t seem to like him whatsoever. The feeling is mutual. Sole can go interact with the creature, but Danse stays a healthy thirty feet away at all times.

Deacon: He insists on riding it. The teenager currently doing so explains that this is a terrible idea, to which Deacon replies with, “Terrible ideas are kind of my thing. Just ask my coworkers.” He has his heart set on riding the creature. Everyone present refuses to let him do so, so he goes along with it… Until no one’s looking. At which point he throws a leg over the beast and cries, “Yee-haw!” It does not end well.

Dogmeat: Doesn’t like the deathclaw at all. Nope. Nope, no like. No good. He growls and whines whenever he’s forced to be around the best, and when he’s not forced, he makes himself scarce and is nowhere to be found outside of mealtimes. He only appears when his bowl is full and when the deathclaw is away.

Hancock: “Either I’m tripping, or I’m seeing some really cool shit right now.” Proceeds to take a long drag from his cigarette and engage in an intense staring contest with the deathclaw.

Nick Valentine: “Are you sure that’s safe?” He sounds more grumpy than anything, though also a bit concerned. “Would a dog not be less… Uh, ostentatious?” After explaining the meaning of ostentatious (showy, for those not equipped with fancy Pre-War vocabulary) Valentine relents that a deathclaw is a bit more intimidating than your average guard dog. Though he still worries about the teen.

MacCready: “No.” He shakes his head, turning on his heel and pointedly stalking the other way. “I don’t care if it’s fu- freaking tamed.” His voice cracks on the not-swear. “Come get me when the giant goddamn people eater is two miles away! They can smell fear, you know!”

Piper: “Oh my god,” she whispers. “This could be the story of the century.” She stares, desperately, at the creature before her, her camera clutched in a white-knuckle grip. No flash photography, the teen had said. Piper is dying inside.

Preston: “Uhhh…” His eyes move between the deathclaw, the teen, and Sole, who’s staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Preston swallows. “I guess it’s too hopeful to ask if he’s a vegetarian, huh?”

Strong: He attempts to wrestle the deathclaw.

X6-88: “I… have not encountered a creature like this before.” It’s then that something magical happens. X6 walks forward, closer, and closer, coming up to the deathclaw just inches away from the creature’s massive jaws. Much to the amazement of onlookers, X6 reaches a hand out and begins fondly petting the beast, causing it to let out a pleased rumble resembling a purr. With his back to Sole, the Courser speaks. “I want one.”

((Thanks for the ask, anon! Also… with the new Wasteland Workshop DLC, this fantasy can be yours. Deacon and I are calling our deathclaw Fluffy.))

Oh Dyslexia, You can not?

I’ve struggled since forever to get a handle on my writing and spelling. I was always spelling it out how it sounds, getting words backwards, getting sentences backwards, and oh yes, spelling the same word at least three different ways in one paragraph. 

• It always makes me feel stupid, because I know I meant to write, ‘Spot on’, but ‘Stop on’ just appears without my permission.

• I feel stupid when people edit my stories, or hell, when I edit my stories, and I find a sentence that makes no sense because for some god-aweful reason, the words that should be in the beginning are in the end.

• I fEEl stupid whEn I write something out by hand and Every ‘e’ in the sEntence varies between lowErcase and uppErcase. 

• I feel stupid when I read a story, and I have to read that last sentence at least three times because for some reason only half of it stuck, and the other half I just can’t focus on. 

• I feel stupid when I get stressed in a public setting, and instead of saying, ‘I think that the established timeline of events make little to no sense, whatsoever,’ I end up saying something like, ‘I think timeline makes no sense, how it’s established.’ 

• I feel stupid, because people laugh, or teachers get angry, or readers mock me for these mistakes without ever considering how much work it takes to even make a post like this.

I’m made to feel stupid, and I shouldn’t be.

Ok, since I’m seeing this comparison a lot, I have to set it straight: Welcome to the Ballroom has absolutely nothing to do with Yuri on Ice. Nothing at all. It’s a completely different plot and tone, a completely different protagonist and a very different art style. These two aren’t even remotely similar. The comparison makes no sense whatsoever.

definitely-notsofriendly  asked:

It's likely you've answered this question already, but are there any horror films that you think are just plain bad? One's that are miles away from "so bad, it's good" territory?

I actually have made a list like this before:

http://tenaflyviper.tumblr.com/post/77535750072/so-its-pretty-clear-youre-a-horror-fan-what

Looking back on it now, I feel I may have been somewhat harsh, as my biggest problem with most of these is that they were just plain boring.

As for Aftermath, I feel as though my reaction is a personal one based on the content, and the way in which it was filmed, as it made me feel very squeamish and uncomfortable.  To be fair to the film, that is exactly how a viewer should feel.  It should make the audience uncomfortable.  That just shows that the director and the actor have done their jobs well.  It’s not “bad” as much as just disturbing as hell.

However, I’d like to add a few more:

  • Hobgoblins (1988) - A deadly combination of being dreadfully bland and boring, having atrociously-written character dialogue, and making no sense whatsoever.  It’s no surprise that it ended up being featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
  • Slugs (1988) - I really expected to be able to call this one “so bad it’s good”, but it’s like watching an elderly disabled man bombing on stage at a comedy club.  You just kinda feel sorry for it.   Juan Piquer Simón also directed The Pod People (1983), which is the film featured in what is admittedly my favorite episode of MST3K.
  • The Wicker Man (2006) - Setting aside all the jokes and memes at its expense, it’s just really, really bad.  It’s a joke for a reason.  Nic Cage’s histrionics can’t even elevate this one to “so bad it’s good” territory.  It’s just tedious, and veers too far from the original film.
  • Children of the Living Dead (2000) - Easily the most embarrassing thing that either John Russo or Tom Savini have ever done.  Savini called it “horrible”, while Russo (writer of the original Night of the Living Dead) has stated that he regrets not leaving the production entirely.  One look at the main antagonist evokes memories of poorly-made Halloween rubber witch masks.
  • The Night of 1000 Cats (1972) - Way too much of this film is spent on footage of Acapulco shot from a helicopter.  Not enough is spent on the cats.  The viewer is just left wondering how this dude manages to attract any women at all.
  • The Bloody Video Horror That Made Me Puke on My Aunt Gertrude (1989) - The title is so promising, but this shot-on-video production comes off more like a project for a high school class (actually, I’m pretty sure my mass media class came up with better).  Barely any blood, no horror, no puke, and no Aunt Gertrude.  It’s a guy misplacing a videotape (which we never get to see) for 83 minutes.
  • Bloodsucking Freaks (1976) - This is it.  This is a film that I absolutely despise.  Lloyd Kaufman doesn’t even feel comfortable with the fact that Troma owns the distribution rights to this thing, and that should really tell you something.  I am normally always supportive of the right of filmmakers to explore dark–and even blatantly offensive–territory (as many of you know, I’m a staunch defender of the cinematic, psychological, and social value of Meir Zarchi’s I Spit on Your Grave, as well as a lifelong Troma fan), but this film is literally just misogynistic as hell, and you know I’m not the kind of person to throw that word around recklessly.  And the worst part is, as much as it’s trying to be offensive, it’s still absolutely boring at the same time.  That combination oughta be a sin.

I wish I could think of more, but I’ve seen a lot of horror films, and some are just so bland that they practically erase themselves from your memory as soon as you’re finished watching them.

I also have a list of movies that are “so bad, they’re good” (or at least, so bad that they should be experienced at least once, as–no matter how much I wish the director’s vision came out better on film–I just can’t apply the word “good” to Shatter Dead):

http://tenaflyviper.tumblr.com/post/73762794076/whats-one-movie-thats-so-bad-that-youd

I’d delve farther into the “so bad, it’s good” category, but I think this post is long enough as it is.

GoT rant

Bear with me guys, but to all my non Game of Thrones followers, there are a few things I would like to get off my chest regarding 7x06.

Okay so I’ve been seeing a LOT of hate for the last episode and I’m just not really here for it. In terms of the writing, which seems to be getting the most hate, maybe it’s just me but it honestly wasn’t THAT BAD????? Like maybe the writing wasn’t as strong as some other episodes before but c’mon guys it’s not like it was a complete shit storm. We still got a lot of nice moments. We’ve all been waiting years to see these characters come together/interacting with one another - and having the dragons fight beyond the wall was EPIC. We have to understand that it’s extremely hard for D&D since there are no longer books to go off of so they have to wrap up everyone’s storyline themselves with occasional help and tips from GRRM. Even GRRM said himself that it’s taking him so long to release the new book because he has to start wrapping everything up which is extremely hard since he created so many different storylines and plots. So let’s cut D&D some slack guys cause GoT is still one of the best TV shows out there, and a “bad episode” of GoT is still an AMAZING one. Not to mention the effects and shots were still 👌👌👌

Second thing I wanna touch on is everyone complaining about no major deaths this season and the show is becoming fan service because of this. Um well yeah. We don’t have many big characters left and we don’t have time to introduce any more big characters because we’re edging on the end of the series. It would make no sense whatsoever to kill any of the major players right now because we have to see them to the end. We have to finish their character arcs. I very much believe the this season is honestly setting up for the final season and although none of the big characters were harmed yet, Thoros, Benjen and Viserion were HUGE losses for said big characters and so these secondary deaths will effect the grand plot of things in the future. Lets not forget that everyone who went beyond the wall were BADASS FIGHTERS so seeing most of them survive is not that big of a shock tbh. And HELLO we lost the ENTIRE HOUSE OF TYRELL and BASICALLY the Martells too so ??? These Big families who have been pretty damn relevant ARE GONE!!! THATS HUGE!

LAST THING. I might get a lot of hate and I hope not but this regards Jon and Dany’s growing relationship. It really doesn’t surprise me that there is something going on btw. them. GRRM said a while back that they are the two main characters of A Song of Ice and Fire so like for them to hook up has been sort of foreshadowed for a while now through a lot of symbolism and parallels. ALSO THEY ARE TWO ATTRACTIVE, STUBBORN AND STRONG CHARACTERS LIKE ??? ITS NOT HARD TO FALL FOR ONE ANOTHER. Why is this such a big deal anyway? Is it the incest? b/c thats not a very strong argument considering this is the fictional world of Westeros.

SO LET’S STOP WITH ALL THE HATE GUYS AND JUST ENJOY THE SHOW AND STORY

Women who speak for womens’ freedom whilst simultaneously bashing women who want to practice that freedom by dressing a certain way (e.g wearing the hijab) or identifying with a certain set of belief (e.g islam) do not make sense whatsoever. That isn’t to say that, that practice and that identity aren’t misused by ignorant and arrogant people/oppressors, those conversations shouldn’t be shut, however it is counter-productive to bash the aforementioned practices for the sake of proving points that stem from bigotry.

starryfoxtrails  asked:

Multiples of five for the get to know your author asks!

Ahaha, I see what you’re doing there

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

HMM not sure, but I’m genuinely surprised with how, well, easily (sort of) I write Lance, because he’s so over-the-top and exuberant and i’m so…not. if that makes sense

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

Depends on the sort of background noise. I can’t work while listening to music, for example, but i’d be okay in a library setting probably. and i prefer alone but don’t mind company sometimes

15) why did you start writing?

i needed a creative outlet. it’s sort of a stress-reliever for me, since what i like writing has no consequence on my life whatsoever lmao (unlike lab reports and cover letters and the like). also, i’ve pretty much been writing fiction (or trying anyway) since i was seven, and i think at that time it was literally because my friends were doing it too

(also i’ve always liked buying notebooks for absolutely no reason, and i need something to write in them!!)

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

long sit-down sessions. i kind of…binge-write, if that’s a thing. i’ll write for a few hours every day for a week and hammer out like 30,000 words in that time and then not write again for the rest of the month. it’s kind of bad, actually

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

nothing jumps out at me at the moment, but here’s a simple exchange that still amuses me:

“Just be careful,” said Matt, frowning over his tea. “I know you like to think you don’t have feelings–”

“Since when?!” Pidge sputtered.

“–but heartbreak is pretty terrible.” Matt pointed at her. “Imagine failing a class.”

“Oh, God forbid,” Pidge said, horrified.

“It’s like that, but worse.”

Pidge tilted her head at him. “You know, I don’t believe that.”

Matt laughed, leaning back in his chair. “Well, let’s hope you don’t have to find out.”

The unfolding saga of the ‘sonic weapon’ supposedly being used by Cuban officials against American diplomatic staff is the nuttiest bit of fake news out there.

US officials are baffled trying to make sense of a set of symptoms of sonic attack because they cannot be unified: this is a mass hysteria for the twenty-first century. It’s no surprise whatsoever that stressed, overworked embassy staff under immense pressure from a newly-aggressive set of political overlords, in a hot climate, within a labyrinthine cobweb of Cold War-esque pantomime, should be vulnerable to such psychological damage.

My sympathy goes out to the hardworking embassy staff who are doing their best to keep dialogue between the Trump regime and the Cuban people open, and whose suffering has take a back seat to an absurd manufactured diplomatic crisis. As for the paranoid, Trump-loving diplomatic doyens: suffer. I hope you enjoy your stay in Cuba’s lovely state-owned hospitals.

Tumblr Fic: Expecto Patronum

Author: AsbestosMouth
Ship(s): Sansa/Sandor. SANSAN FLUFF OMG! (and Remus/Severus because this is my HP OTP).
Trigger Warning(s) if applicable: Fluff fluffity fluff fluff fluff. Mentions of dead!Ned. Creepy boggarts. Creepier Slytherins.
Brief Summary: Sandor needs to be able to cast the Patronus charm to pass his higher level DADA NEWT wizarding exam, but he hasn’t got the requisite happy memory to get the spell to cast *sob*. Sansa wants to be able to properly play quidditch with her siblings in their back garden. So, they might as well help each other, right? 

Harry Potter/Game of Thrones crossover, set in the HP universe. It got…kind of long.

Prompt by a Nonny Mouse:  sansan. GOTxHarry Potter au. Sandor will help Sansa with DADA spells if she teaches him some quidditch moves. or vice verse, whatever strikes your fancy. oh, and this will inevitably lead to some good ol fashion snogging. :) feel free to add in some GOT or HP cameos


Professor Selmy set the worst tests. Sandor swore internally, stared at his textbook which seemed to make no sense whatsoever, before throwing it across the library. NEWTs threatened. Not that Clegane was academically minded in general, but he was usually very good at Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Casting a Patronus charm was proving very difficult indeed.

Keep reading

slayer-sparks  asked:

Any tips for writing situational comedy? Like, not just "Oh *normal joke*" but something that was set up by the situation. Idk if that made sense.

Mmm, I’m admittedly not a comedy writer but I’ll do my best.

  • Try to avoid the “I hate myself for laughing at this” kind of thing. Like old people falling down the stairs. 
  • Don’t force it. If the situation doesn’t seem plausible it will mostly just be confusing. Yes a lot of comedy comes from things that we don’t expect but if it just doesn’t make any sense whatsoever it might be a problem.
  • Write what you think will be funny. Everyone has different tastes so just because one person doesn’t find it funny doesn’t mean someone else won’t.
    • Just be careful that it isn’t offensive. There is a line.
  • Know your audience. This is important for any form of writing but you can use this to make those kind of “you know when you’re…and this happens” kind of moments. Like if you think of “Modern Family” the show is based on the moments in everyday family life that we all go through—just a little exaggerated at times.
  • Use the element of surprise. If we see it coming it won’t be as funny. It would be like giving away the punchline ahead of time.
  • Along the same lines, try not to drag it out. Set it up and then get to the point.
  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: Do you ever think about the waste of potential that is Anakin Skywalker's characterization? Pre-Vader? He is set up with three movies to sufficiently examine his characteristics, motives, and psyche, and yet NONE of these things are accurately looked into; in fact it's almost as though no one cared to try to make him anything other than a paper-doll 2D character in the first place. Why? What is the goal of writing your own main prequel character off as an angst-ridden, whiny, selfish pissbaby from hell? Quite simply: Anakin Skywalker makes no sense. There is no logical reason why he should not have been an emotionally compelling, driven, and intriguing character. They could've examined his sociopathy, shown signs of it even when he was a youngling, set us up for his inevitable descent into darkness. It should've been heart-wrenching and horrid, not rushed and flat. We can't balme all of this on Hayden Christensen, every A-list actor in those films struggled through their poorly-done lines as well. Anakin may not have been acted well, but he was also absolutely written for shit. His motives in the films make no sense at all. He kills children to.... save his own children? Are you kidding me with this?? That makes no sense whatsoever. And the sand people massacre? You expect me to believe that when he tells Padmé how he slaughtered men, women and children, her 'i love you' response twenty minutes later makes any bit of sense? Why did no one take the time to really think about and care about the man who would be Vader? To examine his motives, his needs, his true shortcomings: Why make one of the most famous villains of all time nothing but an obnoxious brat? We would have been much better served by an Anakin who showed signs of real sociopathy very early, was manipulative and opinionated, but charming, with something slightly off-kilter about him, not a rage-filled bucket of creeps and glares. You can't make your main character be so unbelievably unlikeable that the hate his actor receives is so strong, said actor abandons his career and runs off for five years of hermitude on a farm. How could you fuck up your main character so royally? He's better written in a damn kids cartoon for god's sake. But in the prequels? Utterly wasted potential. What was the point of Anakin Skywalker? He didn't have one; no one seems to actually have cared enough to give him any depth or flesh him out at all. It's like watching a robot try to feel. Utterly depressing; Anakin Skywalker could have been, and should have been, so much more than an entitled ball of rage and self-pity. But they squandered that and I can't seem to get over it

Anonymous asked:I was reading your last response and the whole time I was like, “HIMYM scenario much?” and then you pointed out how HIMYM made the mistake of keeping a plan set before season 1 after nine seasons of character development. haha. I’d hope that’d be a cautionary take to all TV writers.

My response to the How I Met Your Mother finale:

9 years people. 9 years of my life I’ll never get back.  YES. How I Met Your Mother is THE primary example when your characters “outgrow” the plan but the writers are so obsessed with it, they don’t even notice. THEN, the finale airs and IT MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER.

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