Feigning The Connection
Prompt: You seem so invincible. But just touch you and you’ll wince. You have secrets and trust no one. You’re the perfect example of betrayal. Because anyone you’ve ever trusted broke you. Thrust into a new world, will you be able to stay alone, or will Bellamy work his way in.
A/N: Thank you all AGAIN for the lovely response on my last part, it honestly is so sweet and i’ve run out of words to describe how thankful I am on your guys support and reassurance of this series. I do truly love writing this series and being able to put my own character into the 100 series. So thank you all for allowing me to continue it! This episode (episode 8) is honestly (again) one of my favourite episodes. I feel like we finally get to see Bellamy for who he is, and that honestly makes me so happy.
Y/N or the reader will be taking place of Clarke to further her relationship with Bellamy in this episode.
Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. As usual, I hope you all enjoyed!
AGAIN, remember if you’d like me to continue this series, just leave a little comment or an ask letting me know. I will NOT continue the series if no one wants me to.
Based off of: The 100 01x08
Warnings: hallucination nuts, getting “high”.
You blinked, your body weak and swaying as you tried to regain yourself. It felt as if you’d tip over any second but you held fast on staying steady and not making a complete fool of yourself. Had you just heard Clarke’s words right? You prayed you didn’t, but the feeling in your stomach told you otherwise and you feared…
You feared you’d have to talk to him… the him who threw you in solitary and the him who also happened to be your father. “Y/N!” Shaking your head, the world became clear again and you found Clarke, standing before you waving her hand in front of you. You cleared your throat, unsure of your own next words. “Kane? Kane would like to speak to me?”
She nodded, seemingly just as confused as you. “Yes, Y/N.” She concluded. You felt your breath leave you and your heart rate pick up, taking cautious steps back you shook your head with denial. “I can’t.” You shook your head, breath frantically picking up; “please, Clarke. I can’t.”
“I-I’m sorry Y/N. But Kane specifically requested you.” Clarke explained, wiping her hand against her forehead in frustration. Sudden guilt filled within you, despite the unredeemable acts she’d just committed, she also had a lot on her plate and she didn’t need your pathetic panic attacks. “We just got in contact with them, I don’t want to upset them just yet.”
“Uh- okay. Sorry.” You replied quickly, ignoring the look she gave you as you snuck past her into the room. You stared at the screen that displayed someone you thought you’d never see again. He was almost your worst fear, and seeing him head on made your heart beat rapidly against your chest. You tried to ignore the spike of fear that stabbed through you as you stood just out of view to Kane.
You needed to do this. You knew. Even if you did some how manage to avoid this (which you wouldn’t be able to) the Ark was coming down, you’d have to confront your father eventually. It was best just to get it over with.
Taking a deep breath, you tried to ignore the way your hand shook and took a step towards the screen. Taking a seat, you let your eyes wander over Kane. He looked the same. Though it’s been four years since you’ve even seen him, your father did not change much. He still held that air of arrogance along with him.
He seemed monotone on your return but you felt your stomach bubble with anticipation. “Hello… sir.” You replied, using the name he liked you to call him by.
“Hello, Y/N.” He replied shortly, and despite the way things had left off you couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt that he still couldn’t seem to give you the time of the day. “Clarke tells me she is busy today, so she sent you.” Blinked, you shook your head confused, Clarke had said he’d requested you specifically..? So why? “All of you will freeze to death by winter, so we have found an emergency aid depot. It’s not far from the landing site. Here are the coordinates.” You were quick to begin writing down the coordinates.
Jaha came to view and he was very quick to begin explaining; “along with supplies, the bunker made provide shelter for the hundred and for the citizens of the Ark.”
Despite how quickly everything had been thrown at you, you turned to Jaha and asked; “and what makes you think it’s intact?” You chose to ignore the fact that your father was in clear sight of you and the absolute chills and obedience that you felt around him.
“It was designed to withstand nuclear warfare.” Kane explained, the screen flickering back to him. Nodding your head, you opened your mouth to speak, though you were interrupted quickly by Jaha. “Send in Clarke please, Y/N. Find someone to check the bunker out and report back to us.” You were sent off but in panic you tried; “wait. Can I please speak to Kane please?” Though the fear you felt about seeing your father again, you still wanted to speak to him. He was your father… you missed him.
“Not the time Y/N. Go now.” Kane spoke for Jaha, waving you off. With hurt eyes you turned to your father but he only shook your head. Despite the four years, you’d grown up with those eyes and you knew when to stop. With a sigh, you stood up and tried to suck in your tears. Four years. Four years it’s been since you’ve spoke to your father and he couldn’t even bother to say one word to you. Actually to you. It stung. More than anything.
You stormed out of the room only to be stopped by Clarke herself. Her hand fell on your shoulder and you hid your clearly distressed state by your hand. “Hey, Y/N. Are you okay?” She asked, clearly concerned.
Sniffling, you shook your head and sent a smile her way. “Yeah fine.” You convinced her, and with a sudden furrow of your brow, you turned to her suspicious; “hey you said that Kane requested me specifically, but they said you requested me? Why would you need me to go to the depot instead of going yourself?”
Clarke’s eyes fell and her hand slipped off your shoulder, with honest but hidden eyes she turned on you; “Y/N I know Kane’s your father.” You opened your mouth in shock, taking a step back. “How di-”
“Doesn’t matter,” she interrupted, “I just thought you’d like to speak to him and I need to figure somethings out of my own. I knew I could trust you.” Sudden anger filled you, and though you weren’t sure why, you narrowed your eyes at her. “What right do you have? When you won’t even speak to your own mother?” You suddenly spat at her, you watched her face twist into concern but you only shook your head and stormed past her before she could say anything.
She had no right. And the only she’d been doing for the past day had been aggravating you. So quick to torture another when all he was trying to do was protect himself. So quick to put all the pressure on another when one thing became too much. Your anger was unjust in some ways, but a fire burned within you and you just felt so angry.
Your body led you, and soon your found yourself climbing up the ladder that led to where the grounder was. You found Octavia on your way and sent a small sympathetic smile her way. Climbing up the ladder, you found just who were looking for. And surprised to see you there, Bellamy turned towards you, quick to head towards you. “Y/N-” You held up your hand interrupting him.
“The Ark found some old records that show a supply depot not too far from here.” You explained.
“What kind of supplies?”
“The kind of supplies that might give us a chance to live through winter.” You explained, shaking your head. Drawling, you looked up at him; “I’m gonna go check it out.” You sent him a look, already knowing he’d want to join you, as that was part of the reason why you’d come to him, even if your feet led you here. Though you weren’t sure why. You two had been getting the least bit along lately, but it didn’t matter. No matter how much you hated his ways, you needed someone that wouldn’t be afraid to defend themselves and you, if you went on your own, you hated to say it but you were in danger.
“Yes, you can come.” You interrupted, waving your hand. “I’ll get my stuff, meet you in ten by the gates.”
Ten minutes later, both you and Bellamy were out of the gates and already in the landing site that this pod was suppose to be in. Popping another nut in your mouth, you turned to Bellamy who was only a few steps behind you. “So…how long you gonna avoid Jaha for?” You asked, seemingly breaking the silence between the two of you. “The drop-ships are gonna be arriving soon, pretty sure it’s gonna be a bit difficult to avoid Jaha then.”
“I can try.” Bellamy replied. You looked back at him, a hidden tenseness between the two of you and you shook your head. Figures he’d still try even when the odds were clearly going to be against him.
Stepping up the hill, you both looked around at the barren looking area. Holding the map, you let your eyes wander around; “the depot suppose to be around here… somewhere.” You mumbled, holding the map. It definitely did not look like there was anything here. With the dead trees, destroyed half of a building and the abandoned look of it.
“There’s got to be a door somewhere here.” Bellamy uttered.
“Maybe he’ll be lenient.” You mentioned, breaking the conversation and going back to Jaha. He shook his head, turning to you and you had to strain your head up to look him in the eye. “Look, I shot the man Y/N. He’s just not gonna forgive and forget.”
Sighing you looked away, at the ground and played with your thumbs. “Yeah I know. Maybe I just hoped you would be willing to compensate for your crimes.” You mumbled, you decided not to look back at Bellamy knowing already what his expression would be. You shook your head.
“Look let’s just split up, cover more ground.” Bellamy was quick to walk away, you only shook your head, disappointed in him. Heading down the hill, you headed left while he headed right and you began digging around. Moving stuff you tried to search for the door and let out a small smile when you saw the door. Straightening out, you looked over at Bellamy and frowned. Just a day ago you’d trusted him completely, he was a prick and cocky but you’d trusted him.
You’d let someone in even after everything that had happened to you. You’d trusted him. And now… now you only saw betrayal when you looked at him. Shaking your head, you cleared your mind of those thoughts. This wasn’t the time, you needed to find out if that depot would help your people or not and debating whether Bellamy was trust worthy or not wasn’t the way.
“Bellamy!” You called, catching the attention of him. You squinted to see what he was doing but couldn’t tell and soon enough he stopped, turning to you. “Over here. I found a door.” He was quick to gather his stuff, jogging over to you.
Pulling on the handles, you grunted when it didn’t budge and sighed. “I think it’s rusted shut.” You sighed.
“Here.” Bellamy commented, raising his axe to the side of the door; “watch your foot.” He warned, and you quickly tucked your foot underneath you. You watched as he raised his hand and smacked the axe down against the door. Soon enough the handle broke and jumping into action you moved over to help him pull the door open. The door creaked open and sharing a look with Bellamy, you both stood up and began heading down the steps.
You switched on a flash light, handing it to him before grabbing yourself one. Looking around, you felt hope within you as you prayed that this place would be suitable enough to live in. You and Bellamy remained silent, searching through the depot yourself.
You followed through the depot, walking down more steps. You felt yourself freeze and your breath get caught in your throat when an old decayed body came into view. Pausing, you closed your eyes to remain calm and continued walking further. You barely paid attention to the fact that Bellamy witnessed it all and still walking, he asked; “you really don’t like death, do you?”
Not looking back at him, you spat; “nope.”
Walking further, there was another body and you had to focus on your breathing as Bellamy commented; “hell of a place to die.”
Your hope withered as you made it to the bottom of the steps and viewed the shape the depot was in. It was decaying and old, everything was rotted and wasted. And reluctantly you had to admit that this was no place to live. Closing your eyes in frustration you mumbled, “so much for living here. This place is disgusting. Damnit!” You raised your voice, frustrated.
“Anything left down here is ruined.”
“They must have distributed most of the supplies before the last bombs went off.” You analyzed. Turning to Bellamy when he opened a compartment, you walked over to him watching as he twisted a glow stick on. You set down your bag next to Bellamy’s and walked over to another container. Opening it, you felt a slimmer of hope fill within you when you saw blankets. Clearly excited, you called over to Bellamy; “hey. I found blankets.”
“Excited about a couple of blankets.” Bellamy drawled.
Turning to him, you glared; “well it’s something.”
“How about a canteen or a med kit… or-or a decent fricken tent?” He yelled, frustrated. You kept calm, shaking your head. You were just as frustrated as him, knowing that you all could die if you didn’t find a reliable solution soon made everything seem more tedious and annoying.
You turned shocked when you heard Bellamy grunt and a loud thunk of a sound when the barrel he’d kicked hit the ground. You furrowed your brows, confused as you made your way over to him. He suddenly seemed intrigued by something that came out of the barrel, and following slightly behind him you squinted to see what had made him so excited.
“Oh, my god.” He whispered. Baffled, you leaned closer to him to see what he was so excited about. He picked up an object which you quickly deciphered as a gun. Sudden panicked filled you and straightening up, you shook your head slowly. No. No, you were not bringing guns back to camp. You almost wanted to yell at him with that bright smile he held on his face.
You backed up from him; “no.” You shook your head repeatedly. “No we are not bringing guns back camp.”
Bellamy’s smile disappeared and he stood up himself; “Y/N- we need them.”
“No,” was all you said. Bellamy began walking over to you and grabbed you by the shoulders, this seemed to be a popular move to him. Shaking your head, you tried to shove him off but you were only backed against the wall with no real place to escape to you. You stared fearful up at him, but not of him rather at the fact that you’d found guns. You couldn’t-
“This changes everything,” Bellamy exclaimed. “No more running from spears. You ready to be a badass, Y/N?” He seemed to have missed the part of your clear discomfort. Shaking your head, you tried to shove off his arms but he didn’t budge.
“No!” You suddenly yelled; “I don’t want to be a badass. Guns are dangerous Bellamy. They can hurt somebody.”
“Hell yeah they’re dangerous. That’s the point. We don’t need to be afraid of the grounders anymore.” He tried to explained to you. You fumbled for words, eyes wide as you tried to get him to understand. “No, Bellamy. Please. You don’t understand. That can kill somebody!” You yelled, pointing at the pile of guns.
Bellamy let go, moving from you and grabbing a gun. Quickly setting up a clothe of red with an ‘x’ on it, he gestured the gun over to you. You stared warily at it and made no move to grab it or anything. He shoved it more forward. “Y/N let me show you that if you handle a gun right, it can’t hurt anybody.”
“Yes it will! It kills people, Bellamy.”
“Not if you don’t want it to. You just have to aim. Here.” He gestured the gun and despite yourself you grabbed it. You watched as the gun raddled from your shaky hands and you held it a good distance away form yourself. You stared in fear at the weapon and soon felt heat from a body behind you. You completely tensed when Bellamy’s arm came around you and grabbed the gun, placing it correctly in your hands. His face was so close to your neck and you still couldn’t get over the fact that you were holding a gun in your hands.
“Shh. I’ll show you, it’s not all that bad when in the right hands.” He moved your hand slowly to the trigger and moving the gun, he aimed it so it was directly in front of the clothe. His hand hovered over yours and slowly pressed down.
You killed me.
You blinked, your breath stopping as the loud shot of the bullet echoed. You closed your eyes in fear, images flashing rapidly through your mind. Your heart sped up and you felt yourself go clammy. Panic rose within you and you shoved Bellamy away from you, the gun fell to the ground with a clatter and suddenly you were on the other side of Bellamy, facing him.
Your hands at your side, you felt your whole body shaking. Bellamy looked at you, clearly concerned as he tried to take a step towards you but you flinched violently.
You killed me.
Silence fell over the both of you. You were at a lost on what to say. You were too scared to say anything. You were too scared to even be near him. As you looked around in panic, a sudden realization dawned on you. Your eyes fell on his bag and you distinctly remember him stuffing it with rations. The inability to speak to Jaha. His trust in Miller. And just the way he’s been acting the entire day.
Panting, you made direct eye contact with Bellamy. “You’re leaving.” You whispered, tears brimming. “You’re gonna leave.” Bellamy seemed genuinely baffled by your statement but you knew he knew what you were talking about. “That’s why you wanted to come.” Even so you’ve been angry at him for so long, something about the statement hurt.
“I don’t have a choice. The Ark will be down here soon.”
“Oh and you think we all don’t have that same fear? Or at least… i don’t? What are you going to do, leave Octavia?” You spat, confused.
“Octavia hates me, she’ll be fine.” Looking at you, he mumbled; “you hate me.”
“I shot the chancellor, Y/N.” He interrupted, voice leaving no room for argument. “They’re gonna kill me. Best case scenario they lock me up with the grounder for the rest of my life, and there’s no way in hell i’m giving Jaha the satisfaction. J-Just… i need some air.” Before you could say anything else, Bellamy stormed past you and up the stairs he went.
Sighing, you wiped your hand against your forehead, suddenly you felt very dizzy. Resting your hand against your forehead, you held the wall for support.
You killed me.
You closed your eyes for a second and when you walked open them suddenly a woman stood in front of you. “You’re the reason i’m dead.”
“Mom…” You whispered, holding your stomach. You shook your head in bewilderment confused as to why she was here. Her forehead was slick with sweat and her white shirt was covered in blood… it was just like that night…the image haunted you. “What are you… why?” Tears finally fell and terrified of that fact that your dead mother was standing before you, you tried to not collapse.
Your heart rate quickened and you felt it suddenly hard to breathe. “I’m here because you killed me.”
You shook your head, desperate for her to understand. “N-No… I shot the guard-”
“Then I died.” She interrupted, taking steps towards you. You flinched when she reached you and your hands shook against your side as you tried to get away. Your back hit the wall and you were frozen with fear, all you could do was listen to your mother spit cruel words at you. “You murdered the guard and then you murdered me. You deserve to die just like the rest of us.” She spat.
You opened your mouth to say something but fell silent… she was right. You were a murderer.
“And all this time you’ve been blaming him, putting everything on him when you helped him kill those three hundred innocent people.” You remembered the loving eyes your mother once gave you. Now all you saw were dark and cold and hurt eyes that blamed you. You let a sob break free and you tried to reach for her but she smacked your hand away, then you grunted when a sudden pain came about in your stomach.
Mouth open, you looked up at your mother who only glared at you. Suddenly her arm raised and she punched you across the head, you grunted, falling over. Sobbing as you fell, your head smacked against the ground but you barely felt the pain as you closed your eyes. When you opened them, your mother was gone and replaced by another. Squinting, you tried to stay awake; “Dax…?”
“Dax, put the gun down.” Your hand was clearly shaking but you didn’t hesitate to keep your hands up and the gun pointed at Dax. You were clearly in distress. Your hair disheveled and your eyes red from crying, your clothes covered in dirt and ripped. But still your head held high as you glared at Dax.
Dax turned towards you, his gun now pointed at you. “Should’ve stayed down there, Y/N. I tried not to kill you, but here you are, and Shumway said no witnesses.” Your eye’s narrowed in uncertainty at the mention of a guard.
“What is he talking about?” You asked, turning to Bellamy.
“Shumway set it up. He gave me the gun to shoot Chancellor Jaha.” Bellamy explained.
“Walk away now and I won’t kill you.” Dax offered. Shaking your head, you held the gun higher, aiming it at him. “Put it down.” You repeated, slowly enough for him to understand. He only shook his head, keeping the gun up and pointed directly at you. You ignored the spike of panic and the way the gun felt heavy against your hands. You ignored the way your mind raged at you to to shoot but you knew this was the only way.
“Your choice.” Dax mumbled. Holding your breath you pressed the trigger but nothing happened confused you pressed the trigger again, the sheer force of it shocking you so your aim went off slightly. It grazed his arm and he grunted in pain, staring shocked that you were actually able to hit him. Panicked, you moved to run away but Dax was too quick and you were knocked to the ground.
Turning from your stomach, Dax was quick as he straddled your waist. You panicked, grunting pain when he punched you. You heard a grunt and sudden cry of: “no!” You whimpered at the sheer force of the man on top of you but felt yourself relax slightly when you saw Bellamy heading your way. “Get off of her!” He shouted, moving to grab Dax by the shoulders. Dax raised his elbow, knocking Bellamy back by sheer force.
You tried to shove him off you but he grabbed your wrists, pinning them. You panicked, closing your eyes, afraid of what he’d do. Before his grip tightened and you felt his weight being shoved off you. Despite knowing he was off, you felt yourself shake violently and sudden sobs break through. You opened your eyes only to see Bellamy above you, panting. “Y/N. Y/N! Are you okay?” He said, kneeling next to you.
You shook your head no. “I killed her.”
His brows furrowed, “killed who?”
“I killed my mother. I’m nothing but a murderer” You sobbed. Holding your hands against your eyes you didn’t notice Bellamy manoeuvre around you until his hands fell on your waist and he pulled you up. You did nothing to stop him as he leaned you against the trunk of the tree. You only focused on him when he grabbed your wrists and pulled your hands from your face, “Y/N look at me.”
Defeated, you let your eyes fall on him, “I don’t know what happened between you and your mom, but one thing I know for sure is, you’re not a murderer.” You found solace in his gaze, that willed you strongly against him. Just his words helped relax you as the one thing you’ve wanted to hear, wanted to be told, he finally said to you. Something you’ve wanted to hear for years, you felt yourself able to breathe again. There was that certainty of safety again when you looked into his eyes. “I trust you, Y/N.”
Calming down, you straightened out your breathing. “I trust you.” You nodded, “and okay. We bring the guns.”
He smiled gratefully at that, “i’ll talk to Jaha.”
“Can we just sit here for a minute?” You asked, panting against the tree. He let go of your wrists, moving to sit next to you.
“As long as you need.”
“I’d like to say something.” You interrupted Jaha, “when you sent us down here, you sent us to die. But miraculously, most of us are still alive. And a huge part of that, is thanks to Bellamy.” You looked over at him, holding his gaze and sending a small smile his way. “He’s one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us.”
“Y/N I appreciate your point of view, but it’s not that simple.” Jaha explained.
“It is.” Bellamy was quick to defend himself, you smiled at him reassuringly. “If you want to know who in the Ark wants you dead.”
You watched with anticipation as Jaha leaned forward, you grabbed onto Bellamy’s hand, squeezing it. You missed the way his gaze held yours for a long time before turning back to the screen. Your stomach filled with butterflies as you waited for Jaha to say the words.
“Bellamy Blake, you’re pardoned for your crimes.”