this season is making me really want to try orange lipstick

Secret Santa

Merry Christmas, @madfatty! Happy Chanukah, @slitherouter! This fic is my gift to you! (Or at least the part of my gift that you’ll actually get this year, since I am seriously the world’s worst post-office-procrastinator.) The two of you are such an enormous gift, and I am so incredibly thankful for the hilarity and encouragement and hours of talking about anything and everything. I love you guys. Merry Christmas!

P.S. It was very hard to to keep this a secret and write without the hand-holding and amazing encouragement of Lil, beta extraordinaire. So please forgive typos and insane word repetitions.


Originally posted by slothilda


Secret Santa

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Spring 2014 Wearable Makeup Trends: Be Cool, Still Look Normie

Every spring and summer, I see 4,000 makeup lists from magazines that scream POP O COLOR!! and just scream pop o color at you until you melt into a tiny fear puddle. A lot of the suggestions look really great on the runway or in editorials, but also look really alien and looney tunes when you’re say, meeting a friend for drinks or leaving the house at all. They’re not particularly wearable for people like me, who love makeup but are also sort of scared of people looking in the eye. Now, of course, what’s “wearable” is swimmin’ in the same pool as “bikini body” ie “put a bikini on your body, it’s a bikini body” and “if you’re wearing it, it’s wearable.” Basically, put on whatever the fuck you want and I approve. However, if you’re looking for some help or some trendy makeup looks that don’t jump straight into neon orange cheeks and green eyeshadow, I’ve compiled some more normie makeup looks for you. These are still “on trend,” but can be worn by pretty much anybody, anywhere:

1. Mermaid-y Ocean Eyes:

Elf Studio Cream Eyeliner in Teal Tease (3.00, elf stores and Target)

Stila Smudge Stick in Turquoise (20.00, Sephora)

Listen, the moment it gets hot I want to look like a mermaid, but there’s only so much sea salt shit I can spray into my hair before I just dump buckets of ocean water on my head and call it a day. This is a much simpler look and it beats wearing a clam bra, as I imagine they hurt and smell, much like me on my period. All you gotta do is smudge some turquiose, ocean blue, or teal eyeliner on your lower lash line. You can build it to be as subtle or as obvious as you like, and you can fool around with it: you can put midnight blue in your waterline and turquoise on your lower lash line, you can do a teal cat eye, or you can leave it as one simple smudged line. This also works particularly well for girls with glasses, as it makes your eyes stand out from beneath those beautiful, nerd-goddess frames. I’m kidding, don’t fetishize women with glasses just cuz they CANNOT SEE!

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Best Beauty Tips I’ve Discovered Cuz It’s Hot Now

1. Cream Blush, Cream Blush, Cream Blush–I was very anti-cream blush for whatever reason. HOWEVER, using a beauty blender or a stipple brush to let it melt into the cheeks and some cream blush is some real glowy shit. I like Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush (maybe I wasn’t into it cuz that name, wow) in Rose Petal, but Josie Maran and Revlon make some worthy cream blushes, too.

2. Using dark matte eyeshadow as eyeliner–This is also something I’ve thought was mighty stupid. Idk, like wear eyeliner or NOT?! But using a liner brush or an eyebrow brush or whatever thin flat brush you have a-lyin around, and some dark matte powder (could even be eyebrow powder, cuz whooooo cares) to create a thin line on your upper lid and then wingin’ it out creates a smoky look that I am almost patient enough to do when I am dripping sweat and already 10 minutes late to whatever

3. Using all that shimmery bronzer as blush now–I need about 3 steps maximum on my face because it’s all I have patience for when I’m listening to One Direction with the fan blowing in my face. ANYWAY. Obviously we can’t contour with shimmery bronzer, and I gotta be honest, I’m mostly over contour anyway on a daily basis. Using a shimmery bronzer with a very light touch as your blush warms up the face and saves you the bronzer/highlighter thing if you can’t imagine being in your room any longer.

3. NO MASCARA + BRIGHT LIPS–I have always wanted to look chic, but I don’t have a chic face, I have an amazeballs face that how-old.net thinks is 50. But whatever. I’ve been super digging the simplicity of no mascara and a bright pink or red orange or raspberry lip. It almost has that editorial look about it, and Queso Heaven knows I can’t stand putting on mascara in the first place. Try it! ESPECIALLY try it with an all black or all white outfit.

4. Blotting Papers–Let me tell you, I bought Clean'N'Clear blotting papers in high school and would wave them around when I got all the oil on them. I forgot how good and gross that was, so I repurchased these and very important! You have to BLOT them quite literally. I don’t know, you probably know this. But I used to rub them. And blotting/bouncing them on your face gets rid of the oil and doesn’t really ruin your makeup.

5. Switching to a lighter moisturizer–I was noticing my skin had some light breakouts and I realized it was because I hadn’t switched from my heavier winter moisturizer. I have combo skin that gets oily in the t-zone in hotter weather and dry in the winter. So when those dry patches disappear, I start using my Origins Ginzing moisturizer, a lighter dude that smells like oranges.

6. Start thinking about SPF—I tend to switch to a lighter foundation anyway for the daytime when the weather gets hotter, and it’s easy to find a tinted moisturizer or BB cream that has SPF already in it. But if you’re a foundation fan all year round, use a moisturizer or straight up face sunscreen 15 minutes before you start applying your makeup. And don’t forget to use a lip balm that has SPF, too.

7. Now’s the time to get into setting sprays–ELF makes a decent one for 3 bucks, Urban Decay makes a more expensive one, and NYX makes one that falls right in between both price points. Either way, after you finish your makeup in the hotter months, dousing your face with a setting spray will keep that makeup going a little longer than without. Your sweat will thank you, although you won’t thank IT.

8. Restock the purse–now’s the time to keep mini deodorant and a rollerball, plus some of those blotting papers, in your bag. Cuz I sure stink. Idk, maybe you don’t. But I dooooo

9. Get a little melt-proof–Don’t forget to set your undereye concealer with powder, set your eyebrows with gel, switch to waterproof mascara, and beware of eyeliner in your waterline melting out (I usually line my waterline with a bronze color and then set with some bronze/similar-toned powder in the crease). But whatever, if you melt, you melt, it’s fuckin hot.

10. Keep wearing dark lipstick–There is no reason to stop wearing any kind of makeup because it’s summer or spring. I wear my dark lipstick all year round, and you should wear any kind of makeup you damn well please, regardless of the season.

Leslie Grace on Her Summer Beauty Look: Breezy Hairstyles and Bold Lips

By Johanna Ferreira

Bachata star Leslie Grace hasn’t yet turned 21 and she’s already scored two No. 1 hits on Billboard’s Tropical Airplay, signed a recording deal with Sony Music U.S. Latin, and is the face of and spokesperson for Colgate’s Optic White line. She does all this while still always managing to look flawless. We caught up with the singer last night in New York City and got the scoop on the secret to her amazing hair and how she keeps her beauty look fresh in the hot summer months.

What are some of the summer beauty trends that you’re feeling right now?

I’m definitely feeling sleek hair — I’m wearing it right now. I rarely ever wear sleek hair, but it’s so hot even here. I was thinking it would be a little breezier since we’re up north. It’s also an easier way to go to the beach, hang out with friends, go dancing, and you don’t have to worry about it — just sleek your hair back!

Your hair texture is curly — tell me one reason why you love having naturally curly hair.

When I just wet [it], wash [it], and come out of the shower, I feel like the freest person on earth. I’m like, Okay, I’m not doing anything today, so I’m just going to ’fro it out and it’s going to be great. You just have to be confident with what you have, with what you’ve been given by God. I think you need to just flaunt it in whatever way that you want. 

I’ve read that your mom is your hairstylist.

Yes, she is. She has a mini salon in the house.

Did she do your hair today?

She sure did. I’m so fortunate because, for real, I don’t know what I would do without my mom. No one else can handle my hair, like, even if I do go to someone else for that day or if someone does my hair for a shoot or something like that, she still has to write down for them …  the tricks, this is how her hair works.

Do you wear your hair curly during the summer?

I do. It’s almost impossible not to. Sometimes I’ll wear it straight if I’m going to an event, but that’s almost impossible because it’s so hot, so I’ll try to just sleek it back.

What are your favorite lipstick shades for summer?

I’m wearing maroon. Maroon is my favorite color, so I’ll find any excuse to wear that color. I think it’s in season all the time. Bright orange is very much in style. Even the peachy shades I think always look good with Latina skin tones, with the olives skin tones, and stuff like that. So I always have one of those and nudes. I mean you can’t go wrong. A little bit of gloss too. I try it keep it matte throughout the year, but when the summer comes along I try to add a little gloss.

Any other summer trends you haven’t tried yet that maybe you’ve been thinking of trying?

I’ve been trying to force myself to try, but every time I do I get into something else with my makeup, colored eyeliners are really cool. They’re tricky — you got to find the way that works with your face.

What makes you feel most beautiful?

A little background: My sister is also part of my beauty team too. She does professional makeup. I think something that’s important, to me especially, is having them around when I’m getting dressed and I’m rushing and stuff. I don’t take a look at the mirror and feel self-conscious because I’ve been rushing and stuff like that. My mom and sister are like “Hey, you look beautiful,” and that makes me feel like I’m good.  

Sometimes less is more — when I’m just chilling at home and I feel like I don’t really want to do much today, I just want to throw on some comfortable clothes and wear my hair however I woke up this morning. And just put some moisturizer on my face, a little bit of balm. You know, try to look presentable but still look nice. I feel like those moments when I look in the mirror I’m like, Hey, man, I look pretty and I didn’t have to try so hard. I feel like that’s when I’m most beautiful.

Photo: Johanna Ferreira/Vivala