this screams nice guy to me i hate it

anonymous asked:

Oh my bad lol and like just 14 & 5? you so cute<3

7. W/ Young!Sirius 

Okay so I combined two prompts again coz i can. Also, I know I said I wasn’t going to include prompt 8 in this but as I was writing it I just went ‘fuck it, it suits’ *throws glitter up in the air* *sprinkles it over your head* here you go, mah nonnie

8. “Why are you so jealous?”, 7. “I hate how much I love you,” 14. “Just be my best friend and not the guy I just confessed my love to,” and 5. “Well. Yell, scream. Say something! Anything!” 

masterlist


You couldn’t pin point the exact moment you knew you were in love with Sirius Black. It was more of a slow realisation than an epiphany. First, he was the jerk on the Hogwarts Express that you met in your first year. Then, he was the jerk who stuck up for you when some Voldemort-infatuated Slytherins bullied you over blood. Then, he was the sort-of jerk who is kinda nice, clever and witty, who made you laugh at the most cringe-worthy of jokes. Then he was the sort-of jerk who became your best friend, and you adopted three other children who followed you around like a shadow. Finally, he was back to being the jerk you were in love with and perhaps this was the stage you loathed the most.

You hated love. You hated loving him.

“(Y/N)!”

Shit. You stopped, sighed, and spun on your heels.

“What?”

“W-What just happened?” Sirius’ eyes glittered, two stars against an obsidian sky.

“I poured an entire bowl of some good quality punch on Melanie Bishop’s head….” You resumed walking and Sirius followed, much to your dismay.

“I know,” he chortled, “And–trust me–it was a sight to behold. Never letting that go anytime soon…” he paused, hesitating. Then – “but why?”

“You saw the way she was acting!” you snapped, “She was being a bitch! The girl needed to cool down before all that plastic went to her head…”

‘Bitch’ was an understatement. Melanie had been all over him. Perfectly manicured fingers combing through his hair, sprawling across his chest, sliding over his shoulder as though she were branding him hers and it was driving you insane. Not only because her polished cackle was like nails scratching against a chalkboard, or her obnoxious flirting was assaulting your eyes, but because he was yours. Sirius Black belongs to me.  

It is a selfish thought and you want to slap yourself in the face for even thinking it but whenever Sirius spent time with someone else, it killed you slowly, softly, one small blade piecing your heart at a time. 

“But the (Y/N) I know wouldn’t do something like that…” He had a point. You were a schemer, not an ‘in the moment’ type of girl.

“Yeah, well, maybe I’ve been hanging around you lot too much!” you turned the corner sharply. 

“I don’t think it’s that…” Sirius sent you a scrutinising stare, studying every line of your face. He wouldn’t ever in a million years guess why I had acted so br– “Are you jealous?”

Well, shit.

“No!” you snapped. Sirius continued to stare. “Y-Yes…”

Jealousy was such a petty thing that, most often than not, pitted girls against each other at a time when they should be united. But it was too late for apologies. 

“Why are you so jealous?”

“If you’re such a genius, you figure it out!” you barked.

“(Y/N),”

“Sirius!”

“(Y/N),”

“Sirius, please!”

“(Y/N),”

“Oh would you stop that!”

“(Y/N),” Sirius’s face had softened, his smile genuine, “Please tell me why…”

“Sirius, please leave me alone…”

“(Y/N), please…”

You stopped walking, almost making Sirius crash into you. Spinning around, you dug your nails into your palms and gritted your teeth.

Oh, fuck it.

“Because that girl’s shallow interest in you is…well…its shallow! She doesn’t know how you like your toast or the way you sit in a chair, limbs flowing all over the arm rest, because you’re mother used to smack you with a cane if you didn’t sit upright. Or the way you hum when you’re doing something you love, or your interest in motorcycles and how, one day, you’d like to dissect one and rebuild it so you can claim it your own. Or how you tap your fingers when you’re thinking, and how you know seven languages but only because you wanted to learn how to swear in seven languages!”

Sirius watched with wide eyes, lips parted in stunned silence as you continued to vent.

“Sirius, I know all these things about you, all your little nervous ticks and mannerisms, but that girl only knows what she sees. She wants you naked, in her bed, so she can say that she slept with Sirius Black. But I want you, by my side when the whole world collapses, because I’m bloody in love with you. I love you so much, my whole body aches with the pain of it. I love you Sirius. And I hate you. I hate how much I love you.

Silence. A horrid, cold silence crashed over both of you as you stood in the hallway. A portrait behind you snorted, awakening from its slumber, and complained about the noise.

“There it is. Right there. And now, oh god now, now you’re going to hate me. You’re going to hate me and you’ll never want to see me again.”

Still, more silence.

“Oh, and now you pity me. You probably hate the sight of me so you feel awkward and you’re trying to think of something nice to say to let me down easily. If that’s the case, I don’t need that. I need…I need you to be my friend. Just please be my best friend right now, not the guy I just confessed my love to.

Sirius stared at you, something unreadable in his eyes, and you wanted to punch him in the face with your own face, anything to replace the shame burning your cheeks and Sirius’ incomprehensible gawk.

Well? Yell, scream, say something. Anything!” Nothing. Apparently, there were no words to be said. So, you would just have to leave him there, rooted to the floor in the hallway, completely bewildered. You turned, and then, you heard Sirius whisper something to the air.

“Have you ever seen yourself when you wake up in the morning?” Sirius suddenly asked. You turned to gape at him, slightly offended.

“What?”

“When your hair is all disheveled and your cheeks are rosy. I love that,” His voice grew as his confidence blossomed, “And your voice is all husky and sleepy and Merlin I could just listen to you all day. Or when I borrow a book from you, and I’ll be reading and find some random, dried flower between the pages because you plant them there but you forget about it. I have a collection of them, under my bed. They remind me of you. And when you talk about something you love, you get really passionate and wave your arms about in the air, like you’re filled with so much passion, you’re going to explode.”

Sirius stepped closer to you, took your hands, and held them, his thumbs brushing over your skin. “See, you’re not the only one who loves the little things. I love them, too. I could go on forever about all your little quirks and habits. But, the truth is, I’d rather tell you after I kiss you because now I know for certain that you love me, and I know for certain that I love you. So can we please kiss because I’m dying to taste your lips.”

Without another word, you stood on the tips of your toes and kissed him, passionately, held him captive between your lips as you poured every single emotion into him. Magic sparked the air and hummed in your veins as he pulled you closer, you wrapped your arms around his neck and he held onto you as though he were trying to merge your souls together. As your lips danced with his, it was then that you realised he was subconsciously speaking to you the words scribed across his wild, reckless heart.

I’m yours. And you’re mine.

Sirius Black was yours.


no more prompts please

Tomorrow

Summary: Draco has one person in mind for the yule ball.  One person who makes his insides flip upside down, his palms sweaty and his knees weak.  The one person he can’t talk to.  Guess what?  Y/N does too.

Word Count: just over 2400


Draco’s Journal – December 7, 1994

There’s going to be a stupid ball on Christmas Day.  Father will probably make me go with some daft bimbo.  I’ll have to get dressed up.  I’ll have to dance.  I’ll have to look at all the ridiculous couples act all lovey dovey on the dance floor.

It’ll be awful.

Draco’s Journal – December 9, 1994

Father said I could pick someone to go with.  He gave me a few suggestions but Mother made sure I knew that I could ask anyone.

Maybe I’ll ask her.

No.  That’s ridiculous.

I barely know her. She would never go to a ball with me.

I’ll have to look at the suggestions.  I’ll take whoever is the prettiest.  Yeah.  That’s the plan.

I need to forget about her.

Draco’s Journal – December 12, 1994

I did not forget about her.

I saw her in the Great Hall and nearly asked her right then and there.  She just looked so perfect talking and laughing with her friends.

No.  I need to get it together.

I’m asking Pansy Parkinson.

Tomorrow.

Keep reading

Take Care

“Hey (Y/N)! Good you’re here!” I arrived at the venue where Shawn was going to perform later tonight to surprise him. I hadn’t talked to him all week but he had been texting me some times. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just call, I really missed his voice, but I didn’t mention it because I knew he was busy with things on tour already.  “Hello Andrew!” I greeted Shawn’s sweet manager and hugged him tight. “I missed you so much, I missed all of you guys!” I was close to Andrew and the rest of Shawn’s crew. It was a bunch of nice and easy-going people. Just like Shawn liked it. I almost look more forward to meeting them than I look forward to seeing Shawn when I visit. Almost.

Andrew had wanted to pick me up from the airport, but I didn’t want Shawn getting suspicious. And I know Shawn, he hates secrets. “We all missed you too (Y/N). C’mon everyone is getting ready.” Andrew took my bag and showed me the way through the building. I could hear screams outside, luckily I came through some back entrance, so I don’t think anyone spotted me. It was heartwarming to see all Shawn’s fans be so support of him. “So how is tour so far?” I tried making small talk and I think Andrew knew I was going into my awkward phase again. Everyone claimed I had one of those.

“It’s uh okay, well it’s stressfull especially for him.” I furrowed my brows, there was something he wasn’t telling me. “Actually…” Andrew hesitated. It was weird like he was trying to tell me something but he felt like he shouldn’t. “What Andrew?” I questioned him getting a bit worried. By now we had stopped completely and Andrew was trying to look at anyone but me. But my eyes didn’t stear away from him.

“I wanted to tell you before, but I wanted you to see him first. Shawn is sick.”

“Sick?” Andrew sighs and shakes his head, I fear it’s more serious than he lets on. “He is very sick, and doesn’t rest. He should be resting now, but he just works and works, and…” I wait for him to finish his sentence. “And? And what Andrew?” I am getting slightly impatient.

“And when we tell him that we should call up you or his family so he can take a break, he panics and orders us not to. He’s just weird about it all.” Andrew shrugs and I sigh. I understood now why Andrew was so happy to get me here. Usually he would tease me about being a distraction but now I see something else is distracting Shawn. “Alright, well I hope he won’t get mad at seeing me.” Andrew shakes his head and is about to defend Shawn, but I don’t let him and instead keep walking forward.

Shawn doesn’t bottle things up. He doesn’t always tell me everything to start with but he tells someone. He tells his mom or Andre or even Aaliyah. But now he might have distanced himself. I do not hope that he is having bad thoughts or feels alone, he knows I’m always here for him. With these heavy thoughts my pace quickened and I just wanted to see him and not leave his side. “Here, this is Shawn’s room.” Andrew gestures to a door and I’m about to push it open when he stops me. “Let me, just wait a few seconds, okay?” I nod and watch him push the door open gently.

He walks into the room and I see him approach the couch where I can Shawn laying down. I can’t see his face but I almost wish I didn’t when Andrew wakes him up. Shawn tries to sit up, but fails as his body is too weak to hold up his weight. He is all pale, nearly see-through, and his chest is dripping with sweat. His eyes are red, and black underneath from exhaustion. His hands are shaking, spots of dry vomit on them. “I feel worse than before.” He groans and tries to walk again but Andrew guides him back to the bed. “Would anything I can do help? Would Y/n help?” Andrew asks him, and looks at me. I take that as a cue and start approaching the room when a word causes my heart to stop and fall to the bottom.

“No! Not at all,  she can’t help me at all, honestly she would do anything stupid and make it ten times worse.” I don’t know what he refers to, I always thought I was doing my all to help him. No matter what it takes from my side, I try to be there for him. But now he tells me, no he tells someone else that he feels like this. There are already tears dripping down my cheeks when he spots me. His mouth opens for a second then closes again, and I don’t know what I expect him to do. So I just turn around and start walking towards anywhere that isn’t there. I don’t know if I would forgive him there if he asked for it or made him feel worse just he implied I did. So I just didn’t do anything

Eventually Andrew found me sitting in an empty room where I was pretending to scroll through my phone. I couldn’t even do that without Shawn’s voice appeared in my head, over and over again. “He’s just sick. He didn’t mean it.” I shrug and go back to my scrolling. When I feel his heavy gaze on me I decide to just lock my phone and answer him. “Maybe he didn’t, or maybe he did. He doesn’t even want to see me Andrew, he feels like I will make him worse, me who have sacrificed so much of my life and so much time with my family, to always support him and be there for him, and he repays me with what? A broken heart and silly tears.”

“He’s been really bad (Y/N), you know he loves you.” I sigh, obviously Andrew doesn’t want to take a side so he doesn’t comment on my outburst. But I know he sees a point in my speech because he gets this guilty look on his face. He gets that every time he knows Shawn has done something stupid. “So are you going to take care of him?” I look at him in disbelief. He sighs heavily and sits down beside me. “Sometimes people do things, without knowing why they do them. These things can be bad things and these bad things appear because we have a heavy feeling inside of us. Look I don’t know why Shawn is acting like this, but I know he is sick. And I will postpone this night’s concert to tomorrow but I need your help to make him feel better.

“Alright, I guess” I mumble. Andrew is so hard to say no to. “I know he is sick and he is bottling something up inside of him, but i thought we had better communication between us.” Andrew sighed and looked down ashamed about the conflict going on. I know he adores Shawn but even he can’t properly excuse him at that moment. “I’m going to make him some tea.” I mumbled out and quickly got up to look for a kitchen or anything that would help me. Even though I am so mad at him and his behaviour I can’t help but feel bad for him.

I finally find a kitchen and prepare a tea for him, I also get out some advil which I luckily always have on me, due to suffering from too many headaches. When it’s done and on a tray I approach the room in which Shawn is staying. When I enter the room, I see him laying beneath heavy layers of blankets but typing on his phone. He sneezed a few times and meanwhile I’m trying to figure out what to say to him. I want to just ignore him but something inside me wants to take care of him. I’m split between head and heart. “Here” I place the tray on the table in front of him and wait for a responce. He lifts his gaze to the table but shifts it quickly to his phone again. I feel tears brim my eyes when the only response is the same typing away on the phone. After a few seconds, totally humiliated, I turn around and step out of the room as quickly as possible.

But I don’t get very far before Josh is stopping me right outside the room. “Take care of me?” I look at him weirdly and when he just winks at me, I know he is up to no good. Josh is Shawn’s drummer and good friend. I have met him a couple of times but usually he spends time with his girlfriend who works backstage at the tour. “I’m feeling down.” Josh pulls me into the room where Shawn is laying and sit on the opposite couch. “Help me (y/n)?”

“Where’s your girlfriend?” Even though Shawn is coughing and sneezing he manages to get that one sentence out. Josh gives him no acknowledgment and gives me the puppy eyes. I look back at the untouched tray I left for Shawn and sigh. I might as well help one person. I take the tray and place it on his lap. “I guess you can have this.” He nods and drinks my tea. “You don’t seem that warm.” I place my hand on to his forehead and feel for any sign of a fever.
But suddenly he grabs a hold of my hand a places it in his hair instead and lays his head down on my lap. He is now laying down on the couch like a sick child and pouting. “I’m catching what Shawn has (y/n), don’t question me.”

“Well okay-“

“Massage my head a bit will you?” I glance up at Shawn but he has the unreadable look in his face and he is starting of into nothing. I’m about to protest but Josh gives me those eyes again and I end up caving in. After what seems like an hour I notice he is asleep and decide to get up quietly so he won’t wake. Also everything was so uncomfortable because Shawn tried to make eye contact all the time, yet i didn’t feel like it. Before I can even stand up Josh wakes up and pulls me down again. “No don’t go, sleep with me.”

And in that moment like an atomic bomb, Shawn gets up despite his bad health and glares at Josh. “Get out J.” Josh winks at me and skips out happily. What?
Shawn noticed my confusion and sighed, he sat himself down beside me on the couch and took my hand in his. “You know I didn’t mean what I said right?” I shrugged and looked down at out hands intertwined, mine looked so small in his. “I didn’t. I was stressed about cancelling a whole show and I was mad because my perfomance in Glasgow was so terrible, I nearly puked on stage.” I giggled at his face when he said he puked.

My smile brought a bit reassurance to him, and he angled his whole body towards mine. “I love you, so much. You’re my angel alright? And the way you care for me? I love it even more. It means everything to me, so please give me one of those messages and cuddle me.” I nodded and immediately he laid his head in my lap. “I love you too doofus, even though you act like a five year old sometimes.”

I kiss his forehead and run my fingers trough his hair. “Good, because you’re stuck with this five year old for a long time!”

anonymous asked:

How is your relationship with the Romance Countries?

Of course France and I get along nowadays. It’s hard to really hate the guy, unless you can hold a grudge for forever like England. When either one of us has had a bad day, it’s nice to share a bottle of wine and vent about it. Sometimes he recommends hair products to me. I can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to tell me something…

Romano was a complete brat when he was a kid, but nowadays he’s not that bad of a guy once you get to know him.He gives great tips for picking up ladies, and he knows a lot about fashion. Every once in a while after a meeting he and I will go get coffee and take a stroll to gossip about the other countries or catch up. 

I wish I could make the trip over to Romania’s house more often. His house always smells so relaxing, and he takes care of a lot of black cats that are so friendly! He keeps a lot of cool looking rocks, and it’s fun to hear him talk about what every one of them does and how it could help me, even if I don’t think they do anything. He gets offended when I call them rocks. He insists they’re crystals, but aren’t crystals basically rocks?

It’s so hard to hate Italy! When I come visit, he likes to be my personal tour guide and drags me around all throughout one of his cities. I think he likes showing off all of the cool stuff at his house. He isn’t always the best at remembering exact historical details at some spots, but he knows where all of the best restaurants and spots to flirt with pretty ladies are, and that’s what matters the most!

Spain is an asshole.

Secret

Pairings: Peter Parker x Tony’s daughter

Warnings:slightly cursing. No big deal

A/N: this one shot was requested by @eleventhdoctorsangel. she asked a one shot with the numbers 9, 82 and 94 from the prompt list.

Originally posted by tomhollanddaily

“Sweetie, I need you to stay in the avengers tower just for the weekend. You’ve been there before so you know how to be there” My dad, Tony Stark, was walking me inside the building of the avengers. I’ve been there a few times, everyone knew who I was so it was easy to start a conversation. Vision was always so nice and was always chasing Wanda, I think they might be in love with each other. Steve was a protective man but he knew his limits, he didn’t go where he wasn’t called. Natasha was always giving me tips of beauty, how to fight, how to shoot, etc. But there he was, Peter Parker, my friend, dad was not supposed to see us interacting because he wouldn’t let me see him again. So we managed to establish a formal relationship when dad was around. When he leaves on a mission, Peter and I go out on dates but we never kissed. We are like friends but secret friends. I am still waiting for the day I take courage and tell him how I feel. “Of course dad. I hope you get home safe and sound. Good luck on your mission with Steve” he kissed my forehead and walked away. “See you in a couple of days princess” he waved from the door and I waved back. I dropped all my things on my room. I was tired and had a lot to study. I eventually fell asleep. I woke up with the knock of my door. I walked and opened the door, it was Peter. “Hi Pete, come inside” I said and turned around, jumped again on my bed. “I’m sorry. Were you sleeping? I can go” I grabbed his hand and he stopped talking. “Stay. I had to wake up anyway” he smiled and stayed. “I came here to ask you something” my stomach was filled with butterflies. “What you want to eat? Nat and Sam are ordering pizza, Wanda and Vision are going out. What do you want to eat?” “How about Chinese food?” “Sounds great for me. I call, get on your pjs and prepare yourself for a Star Wars marathon!” He walked out screaming. I laughed, he was so sweet. I wanted to be in my pjs but I also wanted to be sexy. I put on a black t-shirt I stole from the cap that could barely touch my ass. I put on some mascara and concealer under my eyes. Natasha always says that you have to be sexy but you don’t have to force it too much because otherwise you can scare him away. I walked downstairs and the bell ran. “Y/N the money is on the table. Open please” Peter yelled from I don’t know where. “Coming!” Grabbed the money and answer the door. I opened it and found a gorgeous young man. He was around my age or a little bit older but damn he looked fine. “Oh… hi” “Hello there. Am I in the right address? I didn’t know we delivered to heaven” I blushed and looked down “Don’t blush angel. You can tell me your name” “Y/N” I said and he nodded. “ It is nice to meet you Y/N” then I felt something coming behind me and it was Peter with a strange look on his face. He punched the delivery guy in the face and he fell down so quickly. I was standing there in complete shock. “Keep the change” Peter threw the money at him, grabbed the food and pulled me inside. After a couple of minutes I realized what happened. “Oh my gosh Peter! Why did you do that?” I screamed at him. “I hate guys like that. Trying to win women like it was so easy” Was he jealous? “Peter let me ask you something” I sat straight. “Sure” he was eating his food. “Did you do that for me?” He choked with his food. I couldn’t help but laugh. “What? Why would you say that?” It broke my heart, he didn’t feel the same way about me. “No reason, just asking” we remained quiet while we watched the movie. His hand was right next to mine and I wanted to grab it so damn bad. He was super concentrated with Star Wars but I was focused on him. His eyes wouldn’t leave the tv, his soft hair standing there like nothing ever happened. He was so handsome I wanted to grab him and kiss him. I looked to the tv, trying to distract me. He was so handsome damn it. Why was I always hanging around with him? I needed to step aside otherwise I would get hurted. A breeze passed by and I stood up so I could get a blanket. I stood up in a very hot way, I stood up and the Cap’s t-shirt got up and Peter saw my panties. I heard him gasped but every guy would do that, he doesn’t have to love you. I grabbed a blanket and sat next to him. He wouldn’t take his eyes off the tv, geek. “Oh fuck it” I said and he looked at me. I grabbed his face and placed my lips over his. I finally got to kiss Peter Parker. He was kissing me back, our lips were on sync. He pulled me away. “Wow Y/N you are a great kisser but why did you do it?” Oh god he was stupid. “Peter. Can’t you see? I love you!” I said. “Thanks” he said and turned around to keep watching the movie. My heart was so broken that I stood up and went to my room. I removed my makeup and started crying on my bed. I grabbed a kik kat from my bag and started watching Crazy Stupid Love, something that really deserved my attention. Someone knocked on my door and I knew it was him but didn’t answer. He knocked again and still no answer. He was a stubborn boy. He opened the door and got inside my room. I acted like I was asleep but it was pointless because he knew me very well. He sat next to me. “Y/N I know you are awake, you’ve been tweeting about Ryan Gosling” he knew me very well. “Shut up Peter, leave me alone” I was sad. “You love me” “It doesn’t matter anymore Parker” he knew when I called him like that meant that I was mad at him. “You don’t get it. You love me. I was in shock and I didn’t know what to say” he regretted his actions. “You don’t have to say anything. Your ‘Thanks’ said enough” I turned around because I didn’t want to see him. “I love you too Y/N. That’s what I should have said” I turned around to see him and he was honest. “It’s not funny Peter to mess with someone’s feeling-” he cut me off with a kiss. He really meant that, he loved me. Now that I knew how he felt I was going to play hard to catch. I pulled him away “I don’t believe you Peter ” “Believe me. I’ll do anything” “Anything?” I asked him raising my eyebrow. After a couple of minutes thinking, I decided to believe him but anyway he danced Umbrella dressed like a woman. He was such a cutie. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

Originally posted by adori-ngholland

anonymous asked:

Enneagram and MBTI types you're most and least compatible with? I feel like ISTJs tend to gravitate toward xSTPs, and ISTJs seem really awkward around INFJs?

MBTI

INFPs: 👍 (same functions, both introverted so almost no communication issues), they can be annoying ngl but it matches well with my boringness so it’s a fair deal and like the most same-level-friendships that I have.

ISFJs: 💕 10/10 they are so cute I always want to protect them but at the same time I feel like I’m exploiting their kindness too much?

ENFPs: I’ve had several amazing ENFP friends but mostly their lifestyle gives me heart attacks and is not compatible with my sp-dom ass.

ISTPs: A+ great type. Usually works really well when I manage to scale down my J-ness a bit. Also best type to share a hobby with: being in the same room but everyone does their own shit in quite peace, beautiful.

ISTJs: my positive experiences outweigh the negative ones by far so 9/10.

xSFPs: 💖 I’m hardcore crushing on xSFPs. Se+Te is just 👌 But same like with ENFPs: too many of them are sp-blind and I know one of us wouldn’t survive it. (But a sx/sp or sp/sx xSFP, man that would be the dream).

ESTxs: You are super cool dudes and I respect you. And I am deeply grateful for how you encouraged me in the past to take more risks and grow. But also I don’t ever want to get into the same hobbies as them because then their extrovertedness overwhelms me, expecting that I met up with them 5 days a week when 2 days are more than enough for me.

ENTPs: the friendships that I’ve had with ENTPs always started out from a point where we both found each other intimidating and then later found out that we are actually much softer than the impressions we give off. So general mutual respect even when they are a few communication issues.

INTPs: Comes in two categories: sweet and kind vs. pro-troll. The first one works well while with the second one we usually find each other pathetic.

ENTJs: way kinder than all the stereotypes make you believe. but also way more scatterbrained. how they tackle projects can almost seem Ne-ish at first glance. great chemistry when working together. (also, odd note: I’ve met 4 ENTJs irl in total and all four of them were married to ISFJs??)

ESFJs: total hit or miss. I’ve met one 7-core ESFJ and she was amazing, but I’ve also met several 3w2/2w3 ESFJs and let’s just say that I had the urge to put them in a trashcan.

INTJs: If you believe it or not, I haven’t met a -single- INTJ irl so far. (Maybe I crossed them on a street somewhere, but not in a friend/classmate/colleague sense). So I honestly don’t know? That’s also the reason why I can’t say anything regarding your visual typing question @lophiusdragon. I have no data at all.

xNFJs: the reason many ISTJs are awkward around them is that we don’t trust them an inch lol. xNFJs have this aura that everybody seems to like them because they are so kind and knowledgeable and I’m the only person sitting there like “can’t you all see that they will drop you like a hot potato once you are not useful to their Ni-Fe-shenanigans anymore??”. Also the only person ever who was successful in offending me was an ENFJ so maybe I’m just bitter lmao.


Enneagram

1 extreme hit or miss, depending on their personal beliefs, but mostly I’ve met great ones

2 just no

3 what even are 3s. everytime I see them doing their 3-ness it’s like watching a bizarre nature documentary

4 no wait, 4s belong even more into this nature documentary. you guys are just weird

5 i like nerds so you are cool

p6 the ISFJs of Enneagram, I like and protect you but your aura screams “I’m okay with people stepping on me” so I mostly just want to shake you and tell you to grow a spine

cp6 … I don’t want to jump on the cp6-hate-bandwagon but man, you are making it really difficult to like you

7 nice, in small doses

8 yo

9 9w8 is cool, 9w1 eeeeh?


so tl;dr for me personally (I can’t speak for all ISTJs obv, so I don’t want to see any comments like “but I’m an ISTJ and I love ENFJs!!”, you can love them all you want, I’m not stopping you)

most compatible: INFP, ISFJ, ISTP, 5, 8, 1, 9w8

least compatible: INFJ, ENFJ, ESFJ, 2, cp6

This has to be one of the most negative and hate filled fandoms on tumblr. Congratulations.

You guys literally spark my depression every single day when I come here to try and wind down and feel a little better. It’s always the opposite. I get it. I’m sensitive, but this fandom has gotten so out of hand. It’s disgusting. And I know. You want to scream freedom of speech. But if all you can post is negative comments and hate, just do me a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Your just… thanks for ruining me for the past year and a half fandom. You guys are just horrible to one another and bathe in negativity.

Originally posted by sono-solo-dei-piccoli-tagli

Sinister and Rotten

(I wrote a smutty one-shot fic for Vampire!Vanoss and Delirious and this is what happens when I don’t sleep when I’m supposed to.)

Word Count: 3,298

Jonathan enjoys the sinful things in life such as indulging in gay porn and is in fear of his family relations regarding his sexual orientation so he frequents a church to rid himself of sin. However he encounters a handsome devil that makes the temptation so much worse.

NSFW

Sex, Swearing, Blood/Gore.

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Today, I fucked up... by falling asleep on an airplane

This actually happened a couple years ago.

I was flying from Logan Airport to Heathrow for a conference at Oxford. I was sitting in the middle section of the plane with two people on either side of me. Not the best seat, but the older woman on my left was very pleasant and the two guys on my right seemed cool as well. No screaming babies, no one kicking my seat, no arm-rest hogs, no crazies, so it had all the makings of a nice, stress-free flight.

Also as a rule, I try not to eat or drink before a flying to avoid needing to get up to use the restrooms; I hate climbing over people and making a fuss. Normally, I’m perfectly fine sitting still for 8-10 hour flights. This time in particular, however, I was really hungry and got a pack of sugar-free vitamin-c hard candies at a terminal kiosk before boarding in an effort to try to fool myself into satiation.

About three hours in, everything’s going well. I had eaten about half the pack of hard candies and wasn’t feeling particularly hungry anymore. I had a nice conversation with the woman next to me. I was on my way to a leukemia conference and she had been diagnosed with a similar type of leukemia to the one I study, so the conversation was pretty engaging. Eventually, she started watching a movie and I went back to reading a few articles I brought to prepare for the conference. During this time, I started to feel lots of gas bubbling and surging its way through my intestines. Not the most pleasant sensation, but totally my fault for ingesting so much sugar alcohol. Still, it wasn’t so bad and I didn’t really see the need to get up, so I just decide to clench down and keep an air-tight seal down there; the flight would be over soon enough.

I finish the articles I had brought with me and decided to put on a movie. The gas build-up pains come and go, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Somehow during the movie, I managed to fall asleep. Now, I never fall asleep on flights and I’ve tried everything in the past: benadryl, cough medicine, booze, benzos, but nothing has worked. I’m a very light sleeper, so there’s always been something to keep me from falling asleep.

I had probably been asleep about an hour when I jolted awake. I thought we must have hit some turbulence and, slightly above a whisper say, “Geez. What was that? Turbulence?” At this point, the two guys next to me who were trying to contain their giggles burst out into full belly laughs. One struggles to get out “Tur….bu…lence!” before laughing even harder. Then it dawned on me that I didn’t have to fart anymore and I knew my shame. I just let out a defeated “oh” and face-palmed. The guy next to me awkwardly patted me on the back with tears streaming down his face from laughing so hard.

The woman on my right, in a very British way, reassured me that while it was quite loud, there was surprisingly no odor. The guys congratulated me as they too were impressed by the volume. I can’t think of a time I’ve been more embarrassed. The worst part was being unable to flee in disgrace. I sat there for the next three hours with a bright red face, reliving my shame over and over until we finally landed.

TL;DR: Fall asleep on a plane, fart so loudly it wakes me up, passengers around me can’t stop laughing.

P.S. In case anyone is concerned, the woman on my left had been in remission for so long that it’s extremely unlikely she’ll ever relapse. Also, the type of leukemia she had (APL) is very treatable, even at relapse, so it’s unlikely to ever kill her. Yay!

by expremierepage

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

I was sitting on my couch when the announcement that changed my life happened.

“Holy shit! (Y/N)!! (Y/N)!” A familiar voice called me. It was my band mate Danny.

“What?” I asked.

“You’ll never guess who we are opening for on the next tour!” He yelled. By his excitement I started to think it was Blink-182 but I knew that would never happen.

“Who?” I asked.

“All Time Low!” He yelled.

“What? Are you serious! Oh my God!” I screamed, standing up and jumping on him.

“Yeah! We leave in a month! Can you believe it? We’re going to be touring with one of our favorites! Not to mention your celebrity crush!” Danny said poking my side.

“Zack isn’t my celebrity crush, Danny. He’s just really inspiring to me and I’m quite too.” I lied. Zack was my ultimate celebrity crush

“You quite? I would have never guessed.” Danny said sarcastically. I shoved him causing us both to laugh. Even though I was the lead singer/bassist, I was the shyest of the group. On stage I’m fine, off stage I’m really really quite, at least until you get to know me.

In the weeks leading up to tour I started to get anxious, excited, and nervous. Can you blame me? I was about to be touring with one of my favorite bands.

The day tour started and I woke up very excited. Danny an the guys picked me up at 9 and drove us to the Park-and-Drive where we would be joining the All Time Low boys. Matt had called me two days ago to see if I wanted the back lounge to myself, seeing as I’m the only girl, but I told him no. It wasn’t that big of a deal to me.

“Hey!” Danny said, smiling at all the guys in All Time low. Danny was the outgoing one.

“Hey man! Awesome to meet you.” Rian said.

“Yeah you too!” Danny smiled.

“What’s up bitches?!” Alex said loudly, I giggled a bit.

“You ready to fuck shit up on this tour?” Jack screamed. To be honest I was a but nervous to meet Jack, we were polar opposites, I was afraid he would hate me.

“Hey, you must be (Y/N).” Zack said, noticing I hadn’t said much.

“Oh yeah. Hi nice to meet you.” I smiled.

“Wait…you’re (Y/N)?” Jack asked in disbelief.

“Um…yeah?” I said.

“Wow, you’re so loud and crazy and badass on stage, I never pegged you to be a shy one.” Jack said. I looked down feeling bad and embarrassed. “Hey don’t worry about it, it’s adorable, besides I bet we can break you out of your shell.”

“Doubt it.” I muttered. Danny and the boys had already hit if off with everyone. I was just trying to get my bunk set up.

“Hey.” A soft voice said. I flipped around in my bunk to see Zack.

“Hi.” I said softly. “Um, what’s up?”

“Nothing really. The guys started wrestling.” He shrugged.

“Let me guess, they don’t let you play because you’d win?” I asked.

“Sorta, how’d you guess?”

“I’m not aloud to play either because I would beat them. Plus you look like you could snap Jack like a twig.” He laughed a little.

“You? Beat the guys?”

“Yeah, I have 3 older brothers and I play bass so I have strong arms.” I smiled.

“Well good for you. How you settling in?” He asked.

“Good. I’m done now, I’m kinda just hiding.” I shrugged.

“Wanna go into the back lounge?” He asked.

“Sure!” I smiled. He helped me out of my bunk and we headed into the back lounge. I fell onto the couch and he sat down too, turning on the TV.

“Any preference?” He asked gesturing towards the TV.

“Not really.” I said. On the outside I was normal quite self, on the inside I was freaking out.

“You okay? It seems like you want to say something.” Zack said.

I took a deep breath, “It’s just so surreal to be here. You guys are fucking awesome! You and your whole band inspire me so much. I honestly was really nervous about coming here and meeting some of my idols, but also, I’m usually by myself, like away from groups. It’s not that I really want to be I’m just quiet. I’m really glad I have you to talk to.” I said, surprising myself. Maybe Zack would be the one to break me out of my shell.

Zack smiled, “Well I’m glad I can be your quiet partner in crime.” We spent the rest of the day in the back lounge, joking and hanging out.

XXX

Throughout tour, Zack and I had become pretty much inseparable. We brought out the best in each other. The fans had a ship name for us so we played it up in public, whether it was kissing each others cheeks or the hugs or the holding hands, it was always a show. Well for Zack it was a show, for me, I wanted it to be real, all of it.

The show of the night ended and ATL was walking out of the venue when me and my band sprayed them with water guns and pelted them with water balloons.

“THIS IS WAR!” Jack screamed, grabbing water guns from our crew. We ended up soaking one-another while laughing out heads off. When Matt forced us all into the bus, we were exhausted. I slipped out of my wet clothes and threw them in the bathroom to dry.

I put on pajama bottoms, a t-shirt, and a zip up yet I was still freezing. I didn’t even bother saying good night to everyone seeing as they were all already passed out. I got into my bunk and pulled my covers over me, still shivering. I heard shuffling and then the curtain opened.

“Scoot.” The voice said. I obeyed and scooted till my back was pressed against the wall. The figure climbed into my bed and his buff arms reached for me. “Not that much, idiot.” He teased, pulling me close to his warm body.

“Zack, what are you doing here?” I asked.

He shrugged, “I heard you chattering so I figured I’d keep you warm. And don’t lie to me, (Y/N). I know you’re cold.”

I got as physically close to him as I could. “F-freezing. Thanks for coming in here.”

“Y'know it’s your fault you’re cold, squirting us with water guns. Pft, what a childish thing to do.” Zack teased, jabbing my side.

“Hey it’s not my fault you’ve made me a loud immature person! But I’m glad you did, you’re the only friend I’ve ever had that’s gotten me to be so outgoing before.”

Zack was silent for a moment, “Friend, huh. I thought we were a bit more than that.”

“Wha-you did?” I asked, my heart fluttering.

“Do you honestly think I kiss your cheek, give you piggy back rides, and hold your hand to make the Hustlers happy? No. I do it because I like you, (Y/N), I really fucking like you.”


“Holy shit, wow okay.” I started but was interrupted,

“You don’t feel the same.” Zack sighed.

“No, I was going to say I’m glad you feel the same way.” I said. I know I couldn’t see it well but I could tell a hug smile had broken out across Zacks face. He leaned in and kissed me softly at first and then more passionately, slipping some tongue in.

“Wow.” Zack breathed kissig my forehead. I curled up in his arm and fell asleep with my lips lightly pressed to his neck. I woke up the next morning to the sound of my curtain opening.

“Jackkkk!” Alex yelled, “They got together you owe me 20 bucks!”

——-

Sorry it took awhile!! I hope you enjoy it! Keep the request coming guys!!

anonymous asked:

hey, i'm about 6'2" and love the color purple. i'm a pretty nice guy and only really don't like one guy because he mocked me. i live in the islands where i like to pull pranks on people. for our date i'd show you around the island and if it goes well you may even get to here my special scream. WAHHH

IS RHIS FCKING WALUIGI I HATE MY MUTUALS SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!

So I found this coming from some NH stan. While he makes a good point about NS that I never thought about, the fact is, he’s still full of shit when it comes to naru/hina. If NS IS a “Nice Guy” ship, then that still doesn’t change the fact that N/H and S/S are incredibly unhealthy, and possibly that same thing. And OP has his head so far up his ass he can’t see it.

Like N/H is based around the idea that because Hinata had a crush on Naruto and followed him around, she “deserves” him. Hinata never did anything to “deserve” Naruto–a ridiculous claim to begin with, as no one “deserves” anyone, period–she was just a fangirl in love with the idea of Naruto, IMO. It turns Naruto into a prize to be won, not a potential life-long partner, something NH fans tend to gloss over. It’s a childish fantasy at best. The idea that you can fall in love with someone you barely even know is also part of what makes N/H run. And once you realize HOW he “fell in love” with her–A FUCKING GENJUTSU–the bas taste in your mouth hits. So if we go by this, then the point that N/H is a glorified “Nice Guy Syndrome” ship doesn’t change one bit.

S/S is a typical “bad boy” fantasy that leads to pain down the road for the women in question. I refer to Jeff Foxworthy who said that in real life, if a woman ended up in a relationship with a “dangerous” man, she’d be on Cops, sticking her head out of a trailer window in a tube top screaming “LOCK HIS ASS UP!” And again, it runs on this horrendus idea that Sakura somehow “deserves” Sasuke–after what he did to her!?

Of course, this also only furthers my opinion that kishimoto can’t write romance to save his life; when all of the Big 4 pairings–yes, this includes sasunaru–are various stages of unhealthy, his writing ability severely comes into question.

If NaruSaku really is a “nice guy” ship, then I’d rather Sakura decide that Naruto is better for her ON HER OWN, and not because he’s “nice” to her, but because their bond is so strong. Believe me, I hate “nice guy” ships, too.

Btw, I think this anon was talking about me…

I Told You I Was Mean (pt. 3) // Calum Hood

Requested; hella

Summary; Fame begins to change Calum and he cheats on his fiancé, (Y/N).

(pt. 1) // (pt. 2)

_________________

“Is it just you Luke?”

“Yes (Y/N) for the last time it’s just me.” Luke reasoned. After you left yesterday Luke wouldn’t stop calling you and thinking it was him you answered, turns out it was just Calum. The call only lasted 2 seconds before you hung up and you refused to answer the phone until Luke facetimed you. “Now will you go?”

“No Luke.” You sighed, how could you go out after yesterday’s event? It’s like you had absolutely no motivation to do anything at all, except cry in your room and feel sorry for yourself.

“What do you mean ‘No Luke’?” Luke groaned in frustration at your stubbornness. You knew it was wrong to give Calum the upper hand but after seeing him yesterday you didn’t even want to step foot outside, you didn’t have much of an appetite, you didn’t even get your full hours of sleep last night either. It was like you were building up this tower these past 6 months, ready to move on and then here he comes with his wrecking ball, tearing it all down with just one swing. “Look (Y/N) I’m sorry about what happened yesterday. Calum thought I was meeting up with “someone” ya know and the idiot wanted to tag along and I really wanted to hang out-“

Keep reading

You're Such a Nerd (A Whole New World Parody)

Alternate title: Flip the Bird

This came to me in the shower.  I don’t even know what it’s about, really.  Now it’s three in the morning.  I am questioning my choices.

1: I just flipped you the bird

Now you’re pissed, as intended

Tell me, dumbass, now when did you last spend some time outside?

I like getting a rise

Mocking your ev'ry blunder

No one’s stealing my thunder

When I devastate your pride

You’re such a nerd!

Keep reading

  • *cute guys comes through my check out*
  • Me: How are you today?
  • Me: *drops things*
  • Me: *drops change*
  • Me: *gets incorrect change*
  • Me: *fucks up bagging*
  • Me: *breaks cash register*
  • Me: *dishonors my family*
  • Me: *dishonors my cow*
  • Me: *causes apocalypse*
  • Me: *opens another dimension letting loose trolls and Elves fighting them*
  • Me: *world explodes*
  • Me: Have a nice day! *internally screams*
Getting Mocked (Luke Hemmings Imagine)

I try to open my eyes but the pounding in my head and high sensitivity of my eyes prevent me. I knew I shouldn’t have drunk that much last night but I don’t regret it, it was fun. I had a blast with my friends and that’s what matters. I only realise how much fun I had when I try to roll over but a strong arm prevents me.

I scan the room; I’m not at home that’s for sure. Shit! This is Luke’s bedroom. I am in the bed of one of my best friends with who I can only presume is him. Images of last night flood back to me, his hands caressing my body, my lips on his. Even the thoughts of last nights send a pleasurable shiver through me.

I squirm my way around so that I am facing him. His eyelids are blocking his piercing blue eyes from me; his lips are parted slightly as he breathes in and out. All I can thing about is how his cool lip ring rubbed up and down my neck as he left gentle kissed down it. 

“(Y/N), it’s rude to stare.” He says without even opening his eyes.

“Um sorry.” I stutter out of embarrassment at being caught.

“I’m joking, good morning beautiful.” He pulls me closer, planting a soft kiss on my forehead.

“Luke, last night I know nothing happened but I don’t want you to think I do this with just anyone.” I use all my might not to look away. Its true the only reason I’m not in my own bed is because it’s him.

“I know.” He smiles to himself.

“What does this mean?”

“LUKE! BREAKFAST! Get your ass down here.” Mikey calls from downstairs. That boy has some pair of lungs on him.

“Come we can talk later.” I more slowly as fast movements hurt my soul and my head.

I look down noticing I’m wearing Luke shirt. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t plan on spending the night in a guy’s bed but you do.

“Nice shirt.” He smirks. “It looks good on you, keep it.” He walks over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders “Will you stop acting weird around me?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” But I do, I feel like this will ruin our friendship.

“Your acting like this was a one night stand and it was a mistake.” He looks hurt.

“It’s the opposite. I don’t think it was a mistake and that scares me.” I hug him because I just need that comfort right now.

“Your scared of me?” he laughs.

“Don’t laugh at me you asshole.” I hit him playfully.

“That didn’t last long.”

“Shut up lets getting breakfast.”

“Finally Luke, you sleep like a sloth.” Cal jokes. “Y/N? What are you doing here.” He asks shocked at my sudden appearance in their kitchen.

“She stayed the night, I slept on the floor.” He lies smoothly.

“Nice shirt, (Y/N). I think Luke has the same one.” Mikey comments with a knowing smirk.

“Shut up Mikey.” I bump into him gently but my guilty look is hard to hide,

We take our seats at the table. I take a slice of toast as the look of food starts to turn my stomach. I quickly tie my hair up in a bun to get it out of my way.

“The floor you say?” Ash questions. “Did you stay on the floor too (Y/N)?”

I turn to him with my brows furrowed, what is he talking about? “No I stayed in the bed.” I say slowly.

“Well then Luke you are a dirty liar.” Mikey laughs.

“What.” Luke asks waking up from a daydream. “Oh shit.”  To which the boys laugh harder.

“Do you want to let me in on the joke.” I take a bite out of my toast.

“Nice hickeys.” Cal sniggers.

What? I quickly grab ash’s Phone and open up the front facing camera. My neck is covered in purple marks. “Luke…” I shout out by accident.

“She must have been screaming that all night.” Mikey comments.

“Omg guys, shut up.” I bury my head in my hands.

“Our little Luke is all grow up.” Ash tussles Luke’s hair making it messier than before.

“When is the wedding?” “When are we going the be uncles?” “I want you first child named after me.” The three boys sprouted, laughing at Luke’s and mine mortification.

“I hate this band.”

Requests
Master-list

Kate and Sci see "Godzilla" and disapprove of its life choices
  • Me: Hey, there's still a mom! That's a good-
  • Movie: No, there isn't.
  • Me: ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME.
  • Movie: FRIDGE FRIDGE FRIDGE FRIDGE FRIDGE
  • Me: My expectations for this movie just went way, way, way down.
  • Movie: Skips forward 15 years
  • Me: What? Why?
  • Kate: Because Brian Cranston isn't the young hot ineffectual white guy that audiences demand.
  • Me: Did they name the kid after a car company?
  • Kate: Noms noms noms.
  • Me: What are you- Are you using your hand to pretend to eat the human characters?
  • Kate: The movie we're fifteen minutes in and no one's been eaten yet. I need to correct this.
  • Me: Stop that.
  • Kate: NOMS NOMS NOMS.
  • Me: Actually, you make sense. Here, I'll help. But just the annoying characters.
  • Kate: So, the humans.
  • Me: ... Yes.
  • Kate: Anyway, why is everyone speaking English in Japan?
  • Me: The Japanese love us loveable gaijin!
  • Kate: No. No, they do not.
  • Me: Okay, because Americans are lazy and don't like to read subtitles.
  • Kate: Far more likely.
  • Movie: Makin' bad choices all the livelong day
  • Me: Okay, if you've broken into a quarantined area, and proved that the quarantine is a massive cover up and conspiracy, surrounded by hundreds of guys with guns, maybe screaming how you will expose them as soon as you get loose is not a good plan. In that they can just kill you and leave your body by the side of the road and no one will ever know.
  • Kate: Oh, Logic, this movie has none.
  • Me: Just saying. Oh, look, an interesting, likeable character with actual personality.
  • Kate: And he's not ineffectual white guy, so he's going to die.
  • Me: Maybe-
  • Movie: Squish
  • Me: Aw, sadness. You were a nice guy, random military grunt 2746.
  • Movie: Don't worry, ineffectual white guy named after a car is still here!
  • Me: But I hate him.
  • Movie: Soon you will hate him more.
  • General: I am going to make bad decisions!
  • Me: Why is the military always so stupid in these movies? If Rhodey was in that room, he would be like, are you all out of your GODDAMN minds?
  • Kate: That seems like a better movie. Rhodey and Stacker Pentacost.
  • Me: Ooooo! And Carol! Punch that monster, Carol! And for science staff, we need scientists who can deal with science that'll kill ya. Jane.
  • Kate: And Bruce. He's an expert in Gamma radiation.
  • Me: OH GOD BRUCE AND NEWT IN THE SAME ROOM.
  • Kate: I want it.
  • Ken Watanabe: Godzilla is here to restore balance to nature!
  • Me: What are you basing this on?
  • Kate: Previous Godzilla movies.
  • Me: Well, okay, then. Oh, look, they're dropping in the military guys with parachutes.
  • Kate: Annnnnnd... SAM. Sam. Sam.
  • Me: Sam would be a better choice.
  • Monsters: show up briefly to fight, then movie takes them away again
  • Me: GODDAMMIT. Just. Stop. With the humans. Do not care. This movie isn't called: "Ineffectual White Military Dude Has Daddy Issues" it's called "GODZILLA" give me what the title promises.
  • Kate: Maybe they will be eaten.
  • Me: We are pretty much the worst people ever, you realize that, right?
  • Kate: This movie has given me no reason to care. About any of them.
  • Me: I'm actually more sympathetic towards the monsters.
  • Monsters: LOOK WE MADE ZE BABIES!
  • Me: Wow, this looks like the egg cache in "Finding Nemo" and now I really feel bad for the monsters, because ineffectual white guy (tm) is going to kill their babies and then the single father will have to take care of the one remaining one with the crippled wing.
  • Kate: MONSTER FIGHT.
  • Monsters: fighting
  • Me: And I'm now bored with this, because I've never liked the trope of 'lo, I am defeated, except I HAVE A POWER YOU NEVER SUSPECTED I HAD.'
  • Kate: Unless chain swords. When it's chain swords it's cool.
  • Me: Let's just skip the end and go watch Pacific Rim again. Riley got over his emotional stunted issues off screen.
  • Kate: Riley was better at this.
  • Ineffectual White Military Guy: Completely fails at his job.
  • Me: YOU HAD ONE GODDAMN JOB INEFFECTUAL WHITE GUY.
  • Kate: Did the bomb just go off?
  • Me: Yeah, the big whiteout there in the background.
  • Kate: So they just nuked San Francisco.
  • Me: Well, most of it was already broken.
  • (Ineffectual White Guy finds his son somehow. Son finds mom in giant stadium full of people.)
  • Me: What is up with the 'kids can magically find their parents' thing in movies? The number of times some kid has grabbed my pant leg thinking I'm mom disproves this concept.
  • Kate: You realize that kid grows up to be Newt, right?
  • Me: ... I accept this headcanon.
  • Movie: Ends abruptly. Get out. There will be no encore.
  • Me: Well, I think they ran out of film.
  • Kate: Or cares to give. So. Where does that fall on the chain of bad movies featuring ineffective white guys?
  • Me: Above "Battleship," below "Red Dawn."
  • Kate: "Red Dawn" was horrible.
  • Me: And Chris Hemsworth still did a good job with it.
  • (And we yell about how much we hated 'Red Dawn' for the rest of the credits)
Dont Lose Your Head

Ship: Lafayette x Reader

Request: I got chu, fam. Lafayette request coming right up! 79, 82, 248? Modern? Reader and Laf are very close friends and they get into a huge fight and says she hates him and yeah, fluff? Maybe a teeeeeeeeeensy bit of smut if you’re feeling it? DO WHATEVER YOUR LITTLE HEART DESIRES. THANK YOU - @massholebabe

Prompts: #79 “I can’t get you out of my head” #82 “I can’t stop thinking about you” #248 “Please, don’t leave me”

Triggers: translated french lol, alcohol use, aaron burr’s existence

W/C: 2061

Modern! Au

You walked out of your room, blood dripping down your neck and smile on your face. “What do you think?” you asked Lafayette while displaying your costume of Marie Antoinette, the ball gown taking up most of the space of the door. He stood up from the couch “Gorgeous as ever, (Y/N)!” he smiled and admired your matching costumes in a mirror. He had blood on his neck as well, since Louis XVI had been guillotined before his wife. You thought it was funny how this was Lafayette’s first suggestion for a halloween costume since he usually suggested George and Martha Washington.

You adjusted your tall hairdo and started for the door, a feather tickling Lafayette’s chin. He helped you grab some of your dress as you both walked out the door on your way to Alexander and Eliza’s halloween party. You remember how you first met Lafayette at their halloween party three years ago. The poor frenchman wasn’t in costume because they didn’t celebrate halloween much in france, he said. But now he was always excited for it and he always wanted matching costumes with you since you two became best friends at a halloween party.

Lafayette drove to the party as you squished yourself into the backseat, dress everywhere and fake blood dripping down your torso. Lafayette looked into the rearview mirror “There’s blood dripping into your cleavage” he laughed a little. You blushed a bit, “Yeah I know, stop looking you perv” you told him while fixing your hair.

He parked the car and opened the door for you, giving you a hand to help you get out. “Whoa! Who let Lafayette’s horror fanfiction come to life?” you heard Hercules Mulligan say from his car, he was dressed as the greek god with whom he shared his name with. He hugged both of you while laughing at the fake blood. “I never wrote horror fanfiction about Marie Antoinette,” Lafayette corrected in his proud french accent “it was erotic”. You rolled your eyes with a smile as the boys giggled behind you.

“(Y/N)!” You heard Eliza shout across the room. The party was crowded and lights were bouncing off the walls as the music pounded into everyone’s ears. You ran over as fast you could with your heavy ball gown. You and Lafayette looked great together, but ridiculous apart. You hugged her while trying not to get blood on her costume.

You looked at her blue dress paired with a white shirt underneath and apron. “Belle?” you asked her with a raised eyebrow. “Oui, and I have found the beast!” Lafayette interrupted with his arm around Alexander, who was wearing a blue and gold suit with fur patches all around. You smiled at your two friends “That’s so cute! And accurate, sorry Alex” He shrugged and gave Eliza a kiss on the cheek “I know who I married” he smiled.

Eliza gestured towards you and Lafayette “You two look amazing, has anyone asked you two if you’re married just like your characters?” she asked while Alexander nudged Lafayette in the side. The boys thought they were being secretive but they weren’t. You shook your head “I don’t think we’re giving off that impression” you told her. John Laurens came and handed drinks around, while greeting you and Lafayette.

“I like your puppy costume, Laurens why’d you pick it?” you asked him. He stepped back to display the onesie and ears properly, “Ladies are always dressing like cats so I figured opposites attract” he smiled, giving himself a pat on the shoulder.

“Nice rhyme, Laurens” Alexander laughed while taking a sip of his drink.

The party kept getting fuller by the minute and the adrenaline was seeping into everyone. You went onto the dance floor with Eliza and ran into Peggy, who was dressed as cat woman (John went insane).

“That guy is totally checking you out!” Peggy said while grabbing your arm. You shook her off with a laugh, but turned around out of curiousity anyways. There was a guy looking at you. You excused yourself from the sisters and went up to him.

“Hi, I’m (Y/N)” you smiled at him.

“I’m Aaron, sorry I’m not in costume I was invited last minute by Alexander.” he explained to you. You blushed when he smiled at you. He wasn’t very charming, but there was something sincere about him.

And the next thing you knew you were talking to him for hours. Laughing and getting to know each other while everyone else danced on the dance floor and wore their costumes under the strobe lights. Eventually Peggy and Eliza came and joined you but they left quickly once you gave them a certain look. Everyone left you and Aaron in that corner together and enjoyed the party.

Except Lafayette.

He had been judging Hercules and Laurens dance battle when he noticed you laughing with Aaron Burr. It was like his ears were programmed to find your laughter, even past the noise of the crowds and dancing and the stomping of the music. He saw you and couldn’t stop looking.

Alexander saw the heartbreak in his french friend’s eyes “What’s wrong, Laf?” he asked. Lafayette couldn’t speak so he just pointed with his arm slowly. Alex put his arm down so others wouldn’t notice. “Oh that’s Aaron Burr, I didn’t think he would show…” he admitted.

John and Hercules flocked Lafayette and asked what was going on.

“She’s flirting with someone else…” Lafayette mumbled “ruiné mon coup … (ruined my shot)”. Laurens patted Lafayette’s shoulder “It’ll be alright, I promise.” Lafayette sighed and followed his friends to get more drinks.

One drink. Two drinks. Three drinks. Four. The frenchman shook off his nerves, “Fuck Aaron Burr!” he announced to his friends. His friends nodded and raised a glass to him. Without another word, he started marching through the crowd. Alexander, Hercules and John frantically followed him as they noticed where he was going.

“Lafayette! Wait!” Laurens fell off his chair and onto the ground, drunk past his wits.

“Qu'est ce que tu vas faire?! (What are you going to do?!)” Alexander yelled over the crowd.

“Tell her your feelings!!” Hercules smiled.

You were sitting next to Burr with a smile as he told you “I’m not going to be able to get you out of my head tomorrow” he admitted. You blushed, “Maybe I’ll be like Marie and lose my head” you joked. Suddenly you felt strong arms pull you up from your seat. You shrieked “Lafayette! What the hell?!” He ignored you and turned to Aaron.

“Do you not respect the rules of matching costumes?!” He yelled at him.

“I’m sorry! Is this your boyfriend? I’m sorry, man I didn’t know we were just-!”

“BLAH BLAH BLAH this is the woman I love! Keep your hands off her! And don’t make her laugh that’s MY job!” He shouted “She’s my best friend and she’s always there for me and I can never stop thinking about her! et je suis plus beau que vous! Donc HA! (and I’m more beautiful than you! So HA!)

Aaron looked flabbergasted by the french man’s words and stood from his seat with his hands up, saying “I’m really sorry, it was nice to meet you (Y/N).” And he walked through the costumed party-goers and strobe lights. Lafayette smirked, feeling smug. His arms were still around you and even though he was drunk he was still stronger so you simply pounded on his chest.

“Let go of me, Gilbert! I can have guy friends rather than you! You aren’t my boyfriend you’re drunk and impulsive and I hate you!” you screamed in his face as he slowly let you out of his arms, feeling defeated. You left the frenchman there, tears forming in his eyes and his head killing him.

You found Eliza and told her you were sorry but you had to go, and you told her what happened while waiting for the uber you called. You shook your head in frustration as mascara burned your eyes. Why did he have to embarrass you like that? And what did he mean he was in love with you? You knew he loved you because you had been so close for years but … did he really have feelings? And what the hell was he shouting in french?

“Will you drive him home tonight? I know he’s drunk and I don’t know where all the boys are… “ Eliza nodded, “I think my husband is driving Hercules home right now, and Peggy is helping John with a broken nose. God knows how that happened…” She trailed off. You put your head in your hands. She rubbed your back slowly as she was at a loss for words. A black car rolled in front of the building and honked. You stood up and hugged Eliza.

You watched her walk back in and over the storming music you heard a familiar french accent say “She’s leaving?? How could you let her go?!”

Lafayette ran out of the building and locked eyes with you. You had opened the door to the backseat and were standing there, your driver growing impatient.

“Ne me quitte pas s'il te plaît (Please don’t leave me)” he begged you.

You got into the backseat, grabbing every piece of dress that was out of the car. Lafayette cursed under his breath and dove into the seat, pushing all your dress into the seat.

“Lafayette!” You yelled as he closed the door and told the driver to go. You took your dress from him and crossed your arms, sitting as far from him as possible and looking out the window. On the outside you were mad at him, but a part of you just wanted to wrap yourself in his arms.

“(Y/N), you’re right I’m drunk and impulsive right now and everything I have done tonight is wrong except for when I told you that I love you.” You turned to look at him. “I am in love with you and I have been for years and I am tired of not being able to say it to your face.” He poured his heart in the backseat of the car and was hoping you would take it. You rubbed tears from your face.

“Why didn’t you say something earlier? I thought you only wanted to be friends and I was heartbroken” you admitted to him, collapsing into his arms. He took all the stupid decorations out of your hair- pearls, feathers, bright bobby pins, etc. and he held your head close to his chest right over his heartbeat.

“Three years ago I went to a halloween party after being in the airport for hours, I was in sweatpants and a tanktop I-I … I had no idea I was going to meet the love of my life” he told you while lifting your chin to look at him. He wiped away a tear.

“Don’t cry, mon amour.” he whispered softly before pressing his lips on yours. His lips were soft and precise just like you had imagined. You put your hands on each side of his face and he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and digging his fingers into your thick corset.

The driver cleared his throat, “We’ve reached our destination” he mumbled while avoiding eye contact in the rearview mirror. Lafayette’s lips pulled away and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple bills. “Keep driving” he said. The driver took the bills and sighed, hitting the gas pedal “What am I supposed to do with a bunch of tens?” he muttered under his breath. You smiled into the kiss and pulled your Louis XVI closer to you, making up for lost time.

A few years ago, I met a guy in a few videogames, and through common friends we started talking. He seemed nice at first. We kind of became friends, and for a time everything was fine. I soon discoverd that he was the kind of guy who gets angry for the must stupid things and screams “PVPPP noob” way too often. He didn’t try to involve me in any of his fights (well, at first he did, but since I dind’t care he eventually stopped), so it wasn’t a big deal. Then he started whining about being hated for the whole community in the game. I wasn’t really active so I couldn’t know and I was like “eh… why? i don’t think so haha” Then E started refering to me as his only friend and, hell no, “flirting” with me. He would say the lamest things and my answers were pretty much “yeah, im the prettiest combination of pixels youve ever seen” or “in fact my name is archibald and im seventy”. I didn’t want to hurt him (I know telling someone that you aren’t interested on him isn’t a bad thing but back then I was dumb and I didn’t know how to say “no, stop”, which lead to all of the problems") and he seemed so lonely, so I added him on skype (we hadn’t seen each other before).

Worst mistake.

Apparently he fell in love with me. Idk how, nor why. Our conversations became way to akward for me, he would send me way too much messages and wouldn’t care about me kind of ignoring them and insisting with lots of “:3:3:3” and etc. He would constantly ask me to roleplay sexual things with him. I felt so creeped out I tried to avoid him, but he was good at stalking and again, dumb me, I didn’t want to hurt him. He sort of stopped asking  those things, only to start bragging about his romantic conquests (I dont want to attack his appearence, but he was the kind of guy who barley took care of himself, and by that I mean shower), how many girls he kissed and epic parties he went. All obviously made up.

He was exhausting and cringey, but I thought that the worst had happened… until he started declaring his love for me in 1k word messages. I told him that I wasn’t interested on him and suddenly I was a cold bitch who used him, acted like a victim and insulted me. I told him to fuck himself and we didn’t talk for a while. He then messaged me saying that he was sorry, that the day he had insulted me had been a hard one… guess why? He had heroically saved a friend from being raped by her dad. Ughghgh. Followed by another declaration of his undying love. I blocked him.

A friend of him messaged me insisting to unblock him, that he was threatening to kill himself and blah blah blah. Have I said I’m dumb? We had the talk of “life is beautiful, you are loved, don’t kill yourself” with somebody that had obviously made up this (he even said so afterwards). He told me that him, his mother and his sister were victims of domestic violence and that he used games as a way of escape. He apologised for all he had said, the lies and told me that he would change. I believed him. Yes, yes, I know, but he seemed so sincere.

We went back to the phase of him confessing his love to me constantly, and the amount of times I rejected him didn’t matter. He told me that he would insist until I realised how much he loved and me and how good we could be together. Again, requesting to roleplay, and growing weirder. WHY.

Then, one day, he decided we had grown enough trust to unlock his tragic backstory. God. It was so terrible… I have never cringed harder in my life. He was an orphan (remember the brutal dad? Yep, him neither), raised by some secret organization. He had a katana (he had shown me photos of it), and said he was the best swordfighter of his school. He saved girls from the mafia (he lived in the smallest city, where I’m pretty sure the biggest “mafia” were the dudes selling pot at the club)… the day before, he had fighted against three dogs and two adult men, defeating them. He was completely serious.

I didn’t bother answering, but I forgot to block him, so for days I got the long messages telling me that he understood that it was too much information and that I needed some time, that he would never harm me and that I should accept that I loved him. I blocked him. I got messaged by a couple of friends of him (who btw didn’t know anything of his secret life of fighting crime). I was done with all of this, so I also blocked them. I was dumb, yes, but luckiliy I didn’t connect my skype nor the usernames of the games to any of my personal accounts, so I haven’t heard of him since then. And I feel so lucky for it.

Sorry it got so long, and for my English.

the thing about people like this being manipulative is that while they are being manipulative and therefore kind of dangerous to be around nobody would ever fall for that shit

like he’s so obvious about it, “oh sorry i act like a shithead, bad things happened to me and the people around me and it’s just been such a burden on me and it’s so hard to be as great as i am all the time boo hoo hoo feel sorry for me”

it’s for the best you got away from him