this saturday at 8

anonymous asked:

MEME BOY HEADCANONS Jared's Instagram page is pretty much filled with really obscure memes that no one really gets. That doesn't stop him from posting them.If he wants to get someone's attention, I feel like he'd be that kinda person that'd like spam people. Just... Evan's phone just keeps buzzing and it's like 8:30 on a Saturday morning. He checks it to see about 100 messages from Jared, varying from 'answer me tree fucker' to 'do you ever wonder if penguins have feelings?'

MEME BOY HEADCANONS PT. 2 Jared claims to be an ‘edgelord’, but in reality he’s the biggest goddamn softie on the planet. “My favourite drink is bleach.” “Bullshit. It’s a white chocolate mocha!” Even though Jared’s Jewish, his favourite phrase is ‘Jesus Christ!’ Jared attempts to learn how to play the guitar by getting Zoe to teach him. It doesn’t end well.“How the hell do you do this??!!” “Jared, that’s only a basic G chord.” “What the!!” *terribly out of key guitar sound, followed by a scree

THIS IS LITERALLY PERFECTION. THE CONTENT THAT I AM LIVING FOR PEOPLE,,,

ok so, jared is always like posting jewish memes ?? and he sometimes photoshops evan into memes to be the reaction. so the meme will say something like “when u hear your moms car pulling up and haven’t done any chores yet” and it’s just a photo of evan, mid run and then the photo beside it is him face planting the floor and jared thinks he’s. hilarious.

the murphy’s, alana and evan have become numb to the memes. they just accept that he won’t stop ever.

evan is. Worried ?? so it’s three am and he can’t sleep because he’s feeling a bit sad about whatever, and then his phone vibrates A MILLION TIMES AND he thinks something’s wrong so he grabs it and nearly drops it and it’s just jared sending fucking pepe memes or asking him why lampshades exist or if eating glass like the baby grinch does is actually possible.

also, jared never stops calling evan tree boy. EVER. and evan, the poor fella has to just take it and say “I FELL OUT OF A TREE ONE TIME” or “you’re just jealous of my tree knowledge”

jared ‘i’ll say i’ll knock you the fuck out if you even look at me but in reality i’ll just smile and wave before falling to the ground out of fear’ kleinman.

“zoe your guitar is broken”

“no jared you’re just not doing it right”

“shut the fuck up”

meanwhile, evan sits in the corner, observing, wondering what he did in a past life to deserve a real life meme as a friend.

The truth hurts but
so do most other things. 
I dreamed about you 
but you were nothing like  
yourself. 
When I woke up,  I tried to call you
to tell you 
the world wasn’t as bad as we thought
but if I ever knew your number,
it escaped me in that moment. 
I hope you forgive me my
forgetfulness. 
I get it from my country. 
(Or else the ones who did this
to my country.
I can’t remember which.)

I heard from someone that 
the sky makes room for some things
but not for others,
and I can’t help but think
that my limbs don’t bend the right way.

And anyway, I hope you’re happy after all.
And I hope the sad poems don’t make any sense to you, kid,
I hope you never have to understand. 

And I’m sending my love.
You’ll recognize it by the way
it takes up all the elbow room 
in your new house.
(Sorry about that.
It’s something I’m working on.)

I hope you sleep well, old friend. 
I hope you wake up and
everything
that’s ever been taken from you
is returned to you in full.
—  Y.Z, Found on Your Doorstep, 8 pm on a Saturday

anonymous asked:

andreil pda around the foxes pleaseee my soul needs it

my marvelous anon, i am here to grant thine request, with a small side of accidental lowkey renison. enjoy <3. also on AO3.


He did it. He actually did it. After months of constant warnings and threats, Wymack finally followed through.

Neil can do nothing but stare at the flyer in his hand, mildly in fear and majorly in shock. A mere thirty seconds prior, Wymack had stormed out of his office brandishing this piece of paper like both a white flag and a declaration of war. He had paused just inside the lounge, making sure to gather everyone’s attention, before striding over to Neil and shoving the flyer in his face.

“This is for last weekend,” Wymack had said. “I already—don’t give me that look, you know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about. I already signed you up. It starts at 8:00 AM on Saturday, and unless you want your ass glued to the bench for the rest of the season, I suggest you be there.” He had then turned back around and disappeared into the hallway, leaving a room full of confused and curious Foxes in his wake.

A full minute passes before chaos breaks out and everyone starts moving at once. Various forms of “What the hell?” can be heard from all corners of the room. Neil blinks as the flyer is yanked out of his hand. He looks up to see Andrew, his eyes scanning the paper. Andrew looks up at him, and Neil’s heart nearly explodes because this look on his face, it looks like the honest-to-god beginnings of a smile. And sure, it’s at Neil’s expense, but he would embarrass the fuck out of himself at every turn if this was his reward. Andrew moves to hand the paper back to Neil.

“Okay, seriously,” Kevin huffs out with impatience as he pushes through his teammates. He snags the flyer away from Andrew who couldn’t be bothered to stop him. Kevin reads aloud, “The Annual Hilton Head Island Marathon…a MARATHON? Really, Neil?! Is this a joke?”

“I don’t know, Kevin,” says Andrew, his voice taking on the persona of a kindergarten teacher. “Did it look like a joke to you?”

Kevin’s only response is to scowl and shove the flyer into Neil’s chest. “This better not affect your performance at our game on Friday. You don’t get to take it easy just because you have to run 26.2 miles the next day.”

By the time Kevin has stormed out of the building, the rest of the Foxes have commenced their team wide freak out.

“Seriously?! He actually came through on that threat?” Dan is caught halfway between being genuinely worried and dying of laughter.

“Neil…bro…what the fuck…” Matt says from somewhere on his left, placing a consoling hand lightly on his shoulder.

“Oh my god, Neil. We have to be there. I have to witness this historic moment. You finally get to put your insane running habits into practice,” Allison is rambling from across the room.

“Wait, what was Wymack talking about ‘last weekend’? What did you do?” Asks Nicky, unaccustomed to being out of the loop.

Keep reading

2

Programmers are praising Styles’ new direction, as the song starts at No. 29 on the Pop Songs chart.

“Sign of the Times,” Harry Styles’ solo debut single apart from One Direction, has soared onto pop radio.

After three full days of availability, “Sign” (released at midnight ET Friday, April 7, on Columbia Records), launches at No. 29 on Billboard’s Pop Songs airplay chart dated April 22 (which encompasses plays on 167 U.S. mainstream top 40 stations, as measured by Nielsen Music, in the April 3-9 tracking week). It opens with nearly 2,000 detections at the format, translating to a pop radio audience of 16 million.

All charts will update tomorrow, April 11, on Billboard.com.

Programmers playing the song, which exudes a heaviness in both its rock-leaning sound and lyrics, say that even as it’s a departure from the gloss and tempo of much of today’s top 40, as well as 1D’s catalog, “Sign” is an obvious fit for the format. In fact, some say, it’s off to a good start in large part because of its distinctive feel.

“What a dynamic pivot. Mash The Beatles with Oasis and you’ve got Harry’s song,” says Kid Kelly, SiriusXM’s vp of music programming, which includes the pop-formatted Hits 1 channel. “Atypical? Perhaps. Forward-thinking? Absolutely. As far as the texture, outlier-styled songs have never frightened me, as it’s that uniqueness that I gravitate toward in hopes of providing maximum variety to our listeners.”

Phil Guerini, vp music strategy Disney Channels Worldwide and gm Radio Disney Networks, also asserts that “Sign of the Times” is atypical for the sound of many pop stations. “I not only think it can be a hit, but hope that it’s a massive one, in as much as it encourages other artists, labels and programmers to expand what is considered viable at mainstream radio today.”

Notably, Kelly, Guerini and other programmers played “Sign” in its original 5-minute, 40-second-long version Friday; “We’re all in or we’re not at all,” Kelly says. Columbia subsequently serviced a 4-minute, 8-second-long edit Saturday.

“There’s no question Harry wanted to make a statement and set himself apart from his past work,” says Chris Patyk, KEGY San Diego program director. Per that past, One Direction has tallied 13 Pop Songs entries, including three top 10s: its No. 3-peaking 2012 debut “What Makes You Beautiful”; “Story of My Life,” which hit No. 4 in 2014; and the No. 6 hit “Drag Me Down” in 2015. And, only one of those 13 songs started higher than the No. 29 bow for “Sign” (“Steal My Girl,” No. 27, 2014). “The response so far from our listeners is that they like ["Sign”] because it is different. A few weren’t One Direction fans to begin with and like the song.“ Looking ahead, Patyk says, "Ultimately, the listeners are our jury and, right now, there’s definite interest.”

“Sign” is a “great example of how music curators and music consumers don’t put boundaries on what a hit record is supposed to sound like,” muses Michael Martin, KMVQ San Francisco PD. “The only people putting music in lanes is the industry. Harry has come out of the solo gate with a rich, intricate and heartfelt smash. It’s bigger than any one format lane; it’s a cultural moment, which is what pop radio is supposed to capture.” - Billboard

instagram

Colin Jost posted this earlier, he said it was a joke that had to be cut from update because you’re not allowed to “fake curse” on the west coast at around 8 PM

And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, Royai Week 2017! It’s time to celebrate our favorite colonel and lieutenant through art, fic, and content of all kinds.

Royai Week this year will begin on June 5 and end on June 11 (Royai Day!). The prompts are as follows:

Monday, June 5: “Chess”

Tuesday, June 6: “Black Tie”

Wednesday, June 7: “Catalyst”

Thursday, June 8: “Promise”

Friday, June 9: “Letters”

Saturday, June 10: “Light/Darkness”

Sunday, June 11: “Incendiary”

This year’s admins will be @lieutenantriza, @rizascupcakes, and @capthawkeye so feel free to contact any of us or this blog with any questions you may have. In order to have your work featured on this blog, tag it as “royaiweek17″ within the first five tags so we can see it and reblog it here! You can create whatever you want for this week: be it art, fanfiction, music, graphics, or anything else you want to do. Just remember to have fun and we’ll see you in June!

I went to SNL Dress Rehearsal 4/8/17

I went to the SNL dress rehearsal with @myloveholtzy and she wrote about it here

We started waiting at 6 in the NBC lobby and Kyle Mooney and Lorne Michaels walked past us! We didn’t ask for pics but we were freaking out lmao. We got in line and get checked in and get our tickets and wristbands. We don’t get to keep the tickets so we snuck a pic in the bathroom lol but no photography guys 

Then, they took us to a lounge area to wait which had nice gray couches and huge screens with snl pics and bts pics both old and new it was so cool

We waited for almost an hour until they started calling us by wristband colors and envelope numbers and lined up to take the elevator up to the studio. At this point, @myloveholtzy are start freaking out and slowly accepting that this is real!! lmao 

We get out to the hallway that leads to 8H iconic! There’s cast pics and guest host pics on the walls and chairs and couches and set pieces along the hallway. We touched one of the pics lol and we saw a room with Alec Baldwin’s name on it!!! We were a few feet away so we kept wondering if he was in there. Someone came to tell us about some rules and one of them was that the lighting director asked us to put our stuff under the chairs instead of hanging them on the back of the chairs and @myloveholtzy realizes that meant we got floor seats!!! 

They start taking us in and ohmylord it’s one of those awestruck moments like walking out on a stage on opening night. Mikey walked past our line but we didn’t say hi (they’re all super busy lol)  and we saw Beck down the hall but he was too far to say hi. There’s stage people running back and forth, moving set pieces into the studio in this really tight hallway, the band is playing vibrantly, someone takes your ticket and through all the movement and chaos, you see light. You’re in studio 8H. Wow. 

We somehow got front row seats in front of the monologue stage!? Maybe they saw we were more excited than everyone because literally we jumped and whisper/screamed to each other every time we saw something/someone lmao. But wow we got front row seats bless

The band is playing live, loud, bright music and you can feel the beating in your chest. We took this time to look around and really take everything in. I’m still blown away thinking about it, seeing this set for the first time is truly astounding. It’s one of those moments. 

8H is surprisingly small but that’s what makes it so much better. Everyone is bustling past each other, rushing to get everything in place in time. And in the midst of our excitement and awe, Lorne Michaels walks in and is literally 5 feet from us. We kept glancing at him in excitement and one of the crew members saw us being huge dorks over Lorne and laughed lol 

Michael Che did some standup and talked to some audience members to warm us up, he was pretty funny! But when he gets off stage, I turned around and saw Kenan so I’m freaking out like holy shit he’s real but then Vanessa, Sasheer, and Kate are right behind him and I’m screaming and have this huge smile on my face that I can’t get rid of for the rest of the show. They sang and danced and I wasn’t really listening to the words because I was too busy freaking out over Kate lmao but we made eye contact for a like brief second! lol 

Watching them do the sketches live is absolutely the most amazing experience. You get to see everything happen. Maybe I love behind-the-scenes stuff too much cuz I’m a massive nerd but I’m smiling like an idiot in starbucks thinking about last night lmao 

Everything is funnier when you watch it live. You get to experience a live audience laughing and it’s amazing. 

Alec Baldwin as trump was amazing, he makes it look easy on screen but as he was getting ready to go on stage and they were counting down the seconds, he was checking his reflection making sure everything was perfect and doing lip warmups (idk what they’re called). He’s really focused and in the game before he performs. I also noticed a bit of spit on his suit idk if he did that on purpose for the character or if it was just an accident lol 

When The Chainsmokers were getting ready for their first song, Louis C.K. was less than 5 feet from us on the edge of the monologue stage. He said hi to us and asked us how we’re doing and obviously I looked like a dork and forgot how to use words so I just waved and smiled like a huge dork lol 

Weekend update was so funny and Colin is adorable when he breaks character and Sasheer was AMAZING and gorgeous and hilarious and her dancing was so funny omg. Then, I see Kate waiting offstage to get on Weekend Update and @myloveholtzy and I are dying literally deceased I feel my heart pumping like crazy like I’ve seen Kate before and got pics with her but seeing her perform wow it’s unbelievable. She was sipping water from this bottle that a crew member was holding and she kept taking little sips and it was adorable and she’s so smol and she was wearing these slippers I can’t she’s adorable. Then she went behind this black screen they put up on the sides of Weekend Update so the cameras don’t get the offstage action and she was laughing at Colin & Michael’s jokes behind that screen. But she kept laughing after everyone was done laughing so you could hear her adorable giggles I can’t ohmygod I was freaking out also she caught @myloveholtzy staring lol so cute

Kate performing as Cecilia was literally the funniest thing I think I started tearing up bc I was laughing so hard and she kept touching and kissing Colin’s face it was so cute 

They also had us move around for a few sketches ( @myloveholtzy moved for 1, I moved for 2) but I didn’t mind, it was actually really cool to be like standing among the action lol

There was a sketch with Alex which was honestly an amazing sketch it was hilarious but I think they cut it for the live show

Louis broke character in the museum sketch 

The Chainsmokers Andrew Taggart was jumping around on stage before their second song and made eye contact with me and after the song (or before i can’t remember lol) he did like a little wave it was adorable

And after all these sketches, finally the cast came out for goodnights and it was so cool omg ngl I was staring at Kate the whole time but everyone out there hugging and stuff it was so cute and Beck had a bald cap on for some reason but like wow I can’t believe I actually got to experience all of this with @myloveholtzy I’m honestly so grateful for this experience and if you ever get the chance, you should definitely try to watch dress or live, it’s an unbelievable experience :) 

Also as we were leaving, Alex and Melissa walked past us no big deal (just kidding huge deal) and someone else so there you go! Hope this helped any of you who are hoping to go someday :) 

Click here for my other SNL experiences.

3

****

“What the hell?!” Jughead jolted upright from his position on the blow up mattress, dangerously close to the ground. Archie followed quickly, falling out of his bed in a tangle of sheets and limbs.

“It’s my phone! It’s just my phone!” He shouted more to himself than to Jughead, they had both been woken up abruptly by the obnoxious ringtone coming from Archie’s speakers. “We connected my phone to my Bluetooth speakers last night, I must have forgotten to turn it off!”

Jughead put his hands to his ears as Archie fumbled with his phone, he was still half asleep and in his daze he couldn’t figure out how to turn it off.
“It’s just Betty, we were supposed to meet up this morning to pick up Veronica’s birthday present from the jewelers, I totally forgot! Will you turn this damn thing off!” He chucked his phone at Jughead, who caught it with surprising ease.

Rubbing his eyes, Jughead looked down at the phone, instantly stopping dead in his tracks. There on Archie’s iPhone screen was the most beautiful picture of Betty he had ever seen. She was in a simple tank top, her long blonde hair down and straight looking like it was made of pure silk, and the lightest red lipstick, the most amazing thing about the photo was that it seemed to capture her eyes shifting from green to blue, a sign that she was content and relaxed. He couldn’t stop staring.

“Dude what the hell? Is it broken? Why won’t it turn off, just answer it!” Archie moaned, throwing himself back onto his bed and burying his face in his pillow. Jughead cleared his throat as he tore his eyes away from the screen and pressed accept.

“Hello?”

“Good morning! Geez, it took you quite some time to answer the phone. Wait? Is this Jughead? I recognize that voice anywhere.” She giggled into the speaker and he instantly felt his shoulders relax and any tension leave his body.

“You caught me, it’s just your friendly homeless teen, Archie said he’ll be there soon, he overslept. After you and Archie finish up, wanna grab a burger with the gang? My treat.” Jughead could practically feel her nodding excitedly , she wrapped up the conversation with a quick
“See you later Juggie.”

Closing the call Jughead stared at the picture Archie had assigned to her contact. He couldn’t get over this picture.
“When did you take this?” He asked the red headed boy.

“What?” Archie asked looking up from his pillow.

“This picture. When did you take this picture of Betty?” Jughead asked handing Archie his phone.

Archie stared at the screen for a second and smiled with a shrug

“I don’t know, last year maybe, I’ve really gotta update it, don’t let Betty know I have that one of her, she’d kill me. You should see the one Veronica has of Betty” Archie whistled lowly “smoking” he grinned at the beanie wearing boy and nudged him, Archie was the only one Jughead had told about his fairly deep crush on the beautiful blonde next door, at first it had been awkward but slowly Archie realized he just wanted his two best friends to be happy.

“Veronica has one too?” Jughead asked incredulously, how did he not know about this?

“Sure thing.” Archie threw on his letterman jacket and waved at Jughead promising to be home for Burgers at Pops. Walking over to the window he looked down and saw Archie running over to Betty and scooping her up in a hug as she shoved him away and flipped her ponytail.

What he’d give to be able to just hug her whenever he felt like it, he wanted to have pictures of her on his phone. He wanted to be the one she called up at eight in the morning. He knew Archie and Betty were just friends, both of them having clarified this to the group multiple times, but it didn’t ease the ache he felt when he saw her name pop up on Archie’s phone. Damnit, now he had no choice but to see Veronica’s picture of Betty .

The day passed slowly as Jughead worked on his novel and raided Fred Andrews snack cabinet, before he knew it Archie was calling for him from down the stairs.

“Come on Bro, burgers await. Betty’s already there with Veronica!”

Jughead nearly tripped down the stairs,
burgers and Betty?
Total package.

Walking through the clear glass doors of Pops, he instantly spotted the honey blonde ponytail, it was almost like a halo calling him over. He slid into the booth right beside Betty as Archie plopped down beside Veronica.

“Hey.” She smiled softly at Jughead, he smiled back before asking

“Can I borrow your phone?”

Betty seemed taken aback for a minute but quickly recovered with a giggle

“I’m doing great, thanks for asking” she pulled out her phone and placed it in his open palm.

“Thanks” he smiled goofily turning to Veronica.

“Can I borrow your phone?” He asked, the same smile gracing his face

“Hey!” Betty started as Veronica hesitantly handed him her phone

“You are so weird” Veronica rolled her eyes with a smirk.

He quickly used Betty’s phone to dial Veronica, staring at the screen as a glowing image of Betty popped up.

“Oh god, that picture.” He heard her mumble from his right.

The picture was absolute sin, Betty’s tan skin glowing and her blonde hair left loose and wavy.
He had never seen “bed eyes” before but he knew now he would never be able to look into Betty’s bright green ones the same again, they were so sensual and seductive staring into the camera as she pouted, don’t even get him started on that Shirt. He wanted this picture and he wanted it now.

“Veronica took that at a sleepover, I was just being silly. I’ve asked her to change it over and over again.” Betty rolled her eyes, snatching her phone away.

Jughead had to stop himself from physically moaning as the picture disappeared from the screen.

“What’s up with your infatuation with phone pictures?” Betty asked questioningly.

Jughead looked up at her and shrugged
“I don’t have one of you, I’ve never even seen a picture of you, other than your school pictures.”

Betty smiled scrolling through her phone before handing it to him

“That’s you.” She giggled pointing to Jugheads name and the picture beside it. It was one she had taken a few months ago when they went to visit the national history museum, Jughead was beanieless and staring right into the camera, his hair messy and his eyes relaxed, if you looked close enough you could see the hint of a smile popping through
“It’s my favorite picture.” She whispered, close to his ear.

Jughead turned away from the phone and swallowed hard
“I still don’t have one of you.” He mumbled out, reaching to take her hand underneath the table.

Betty smiled softly, her eyes sparkling
“Well that just won’t do.”

And so two weeks later after Jughead had finally gained enough courage to ask the love of his life out on an actual date, Betty’s picture appeared on the screen of his phone on a Saturday morning at 8 o clock. It was a picture of the two of them actually, faces smooshed together in a goofy looking kiss. And when Betty got angry at him for never answering his phone his answer was always the same

“Sorry, I just get distracted.”