this really made me cry tho :

I know what you are now.  I think I knew before, but, you know, after I sent that kid to the hospital, years ago, they said I had an anger problem, but that’s not true.  I was angry because of something else.  Something I’d lost.  Trying so hard since not to be angry.  Got me all defenseless, and I lost more, and more, and more… that’s not getting better.  I want to be angry.  When I ran home from college, on the bus I had this dream, or maybe I saw it out the window, last leaf on the tree finally blown off.  I’m so scared, all the time, and the fear *hurts*.  Feeling like everything is over, was over long before I got here, so long, hiding, or trying to outrun this.  I get it.  This won’t stop until I die, but when I die, I want it to hurt.  When my friends leave, when I have to let go, when this entire town is wiped off the map, I want it to hurt.  Bad.  I want to lose.  I want to get beaten up.  I want to hold on.  Until I’m thrown off and everything ends.  And you know what?  Until that happens, I want to hope again and I want it to hurt.  Because that means it meant something.  It means I am… something, at least.  Heh.  Pretty amazing to be something, at least. […] I know this won’t save me in the end, but I don’t need it to save me forever, I just need it to save me now.
—  Mae Borowski, Night in the Woods

Marichat week day 1: secret dating

he tries