this quote speaks to me

One of the reasons I love RayK is that, despite the fact that he and I are pretty much opposites and also in spite of some the wackier moments when he does things that don’t make sense (a la the radiation poisoning panic attack), he often comes out with things that make me suspect that the way he sees the world and the way I do aren’t so different after all. For example, two RayK quotes are probably amongst the top 10 tv quotes that absolutely speak to me on a deep emotional level:

  • Right. Right. Like you can’t go forward until you go backward. Like I tried to run away from my past, but you can’t do it, cause it’s in your skin, it stays with you. You gotta retrace your steps to figure out how you got here. I took this bus, I drove this car, I got on this train, I walked down this street, I turned this corner, I opened this door, and I stepped into a bank. 

Yeah. Yeah, man, sing it RayK. Maybe it’s just being an American watching largely American tv shows, but I’m used to characters talking about how the past doesn’t matter and the future may not come and why not live in the present? RayK…gets that it doesn’t always work like that, and I’d never heard anyone phrase it in a way that struck such a cord in me before and I still haven’t in the years since.

  • Look, I may be damaged, Fraser, but I’m not stupid. There’s more to life than dying.

Once again, sing it, RayK. Except this time, he’s telling me something I need to hear, not something I instinctively know. As everyone who follows me has probably heard a million times over, I identify heavily with Fraser, and I have the same tendency toward the kind of tunnel vision that can end up throwing yourself, other people, and anything but that one thing under the bus. This is a great tendency to have when, say, you’re writing a paper on a deadline, but can also be pretty damaging if you don’t manage it.

On the other hand, the first bit of the quote speaks to me in a way that does instinctively make sense: I may be book-smart, but I’m people-dumb sometimes, and it’s definitely exasperated by anxiety and depression and, heck, having to deal with any kind of tragedy, in my life or someone else’s. But just because I’m damaged, just because I don’t navigate the situation intuitively, doesn’t mean that I don’t get it. And, heck, the whole context of “I may get this less than you, maybe I’m emotional and overreacting, but I know what’s smart for me and what isn’t and you gotta give me a better reason to go with this,” that’s–yeah. I get it, RayK, thank you for being articulate and succinct where I cannot.

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)”

Just remember, music isn’t just orchestras and pop stars and special people with albums and downloads and concerts, it’s you. Because the music of the spheres is all around you. When you’re on your own, just close your eyes, and you’ll hear it. Music. Inside your head. ‘Cause everyone’s a musician. Everyone’s got a song inside them. Every single one of you
—  Tenth Doctor, Music of the Spheres

Jordi: “Now that you’ve got this depression stuff out of your system, I say we get up tomorrow like it’s any other day and keep fighting. Because I don’t see what other choice we have. Okay?”

Leo: “Okay.”

This show brings me to tears. I can’t believe this is it.