this quote is pretty much perfect

Pretty and Perfect

 Sit still and smile

 No one cares about your pain 

 Don’t think and don’t speak

 try and be pretty

 I try to be pretty 

 But my scars and marks make me ugly 

 I’m not pretty like you 

 I’ll never be pretty

 Is it because I’m fat? 

 I’ll stop eating for a while 

 It it because I speak too much? 

 I promise I’ll keep my mouth shut

 Is it because I worry a lot?

 Sorry, I’ll just dissociate from the world

 Because the only pain I see is that I’m hurting myself for people to see me

 I know I’m not pretty

 I’ll never be skinny

 I always talk 

 And I worry a lot

 I’m sorry I’m not perfect

 I promise I’m trying 

 Stop telling me I’m worthless 

 I know I’m not who you want me to be

anonymous asked:

Okay so you're definitely one of my top fandom crushes. Since you're also a big tastemaker in this community who would you say YOUR fandom crushes are?

Hey anon! So glad I got this ask too, because now I have an excuse to have a little love fest over here. And thank you for calling me your crush, I’m blushing! Yet I have to say that - GOD - I’m sure I’m not a tastemaker for anyone…:)

I have so many crushes here in our Outlander fandom that it’s probably borderline criminal. I have a big heart where all the baes go to live.

I need to get the Queen herself, the Master Life Ruiner, @gotham-ruaidh out of the way. She was the first person I ever talked to in here, has been a relentless support and a true friend. Besides, she showed me by example what an accomplished fanfic writer is and her meta discussions on the books are the best. A very good reason to get myself to NY some day. :)

@westerhos is soulful AF. Also, she is writing what is probably my favourite fanfiction ever - Our Story. It’s brilliant brilliant brilliant. Like “I want-your-autograph-and-maybe-even-stalk-you-for-the-rest-of-my-life” brilliant. Also, she likes out of the box and weird stuff, which is my totally my thing.

@creag-an-fhitich and I call each other dessert names. She really is a GOOD person, one that shines and shines. She is the one that I wished I could hug the most. I love this girl like cray-cray.

@iwanttodriveyouthroughthenight is the homeland bae. Also, Heart Slayer is one of the purest and most funny creatures of the Outlander landscape. When I want to get a summary of the great stuff and have little time, it’s her blog I go to to get my fix.

@suhailauniverse is kind of a soul sister. I get the feeling we are very much alike in lots of things. Also I RESPECT HER SO MUCH as a writer. Her Neighbours AU will go down for the ages as one of the very best. She is witty and sassy AF and I’M HERE FOR THAT.

@notevenjokingrightnow is such a good writer that it blows my mind. Also, she strikes me as someone both humble and hardworking, as well as direct. I find myself nodding while I read her posts quite a lot, which is a sign of her consistency and my lunacy.

@bonnie-wee-swordsman has written some of my favourite ever stuff. Flood my Mornings is the fic I carry on my heart and I’ll duel anyone who dares to say it isn’t better than A LOT of stuff in the books. Besides, she is beautiful, funny, intelligent, caring, loyal and all-round talented. When God gave away his gifts, he winked several times at Bon.

@lenny9987 is an extraordinary writer and a source of so much knowledge that I always feel in awe of her. Very much so. She has an approach on life and literature that I enjoy so much.

@outlanderedandoverhere gives me hope in humanity. She is so…good. Like on a fundamental level. Master Seamstress puts dreams and fabrics together alike. I have so much admiration and love for her.

@takemeawaytocamelot is lovely and kind. Besides, her Exes AU (IMMA GET TO THAT DRABBLE NEXT) is a piece that was missing from my soul. 

@sapphiresassenach which is a woman of convictions, that proudly stands for the things she believes in. Besides, she is a marvellous writer and SHE HAS A HAMMOCK.

@tammywt shows me everyday that compassion and caring for strangers is possible. She always has a kind word, an advice, an encouragement to give. She truly cares and I crush hard on that.

@danielledreamsthedayaway has some of the best quotes and pictures around. Thanks to her I get all the purrrrty. And @yellowfeather84 and @saint-hildegard-of-bingen are masters on Outlander bits, besides their calm and wise input seems pretty spot on on a consistent level.

@mibasiamille is a new crush. We are on that phase where I think she is the love of my life and pretty much perfect lol. She is such a finished writer for her age and her bubbly personality gives me life.

Last but not least (I’m sure I’m missing someone, GOD OH GOD, I’M SORRY), I crush hard on all the people, namely anons, that come to my inbox to give me love. To tell me their ideas, thoughts, feelings. And all the people that comment and with whom I’ve had such interesting discussions. They keep me going, even when it would be easier to stop. They really are the best. <3

Petty War

Pairing: slight Castiel x Reader

Words: 1389 

Warnings: slight sillyness, mild fluff 

 An// this is my entry for @dancingalone21 Lau’s AU Funny Quote Challenge. My main account is @chumi-la-chula where I was assigned my quote. It was “Please accept this sandwich as an act of solidarity.” It’ll be bolded. I’m going to go ahead and tag @mamapeterson since she’s like the only person on my basic tag list lol

 Castiel Novak. Cas-the-ass-tiel. Castiel. You couldn’t stand the name. He was your biggest foe. Why? He always had to show you up. Why? You had absolutely no clue, it’d been going on for pretty much your entire life. 

 It all started way back when you were around five or six. Kindergarten. 

 The final quarter was coming to a close and you were so proud of yourself. Good grades, good attendance and perfect behavior was your legacy in Mrs. Rivera’s class. 

Until that dreadful day. 

Keep reading

Top 5 Ships

Thanks @ethereal-bellarke @bellarkelifestyle and @negasonic-teenage-what-da-shit for tagging me!

1. Bellarke

(no surprise here lmao) Bellarke has honestly taken over my life, and they are honestly so amazing and perfect together, and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!! I will always be such Bellarke trash.

Originally posted by saviourblake-archive

“Together.” + “If I’m on that list, you’re on that list.” + “I can’t lose you too, okay?”

2. Stydia

Stydia was excruciating slow burn torture, and I loved every second of it. When they finally got together I pretty much died.

Originally posted by slowburnotptrash

“Remember I love you.” + “When I kissed him, that’s when everything changed.” + “If you die, I will literally go out of my freaking mind!” 

3. Romione 

This was pretty much my first ship ever (the beginning of my descent into shipping hell lol). I remember reading the books for the first time and just NEEDING them to get together. 

Originally posted by stop-this-pain

4. Peraltiago

They are just so cute and amazing together, it kills me.

Originally posted by wherethepalmtreesways

5. Jim x Pam

Yet ANOTHER slow burn ship (I am seeing a pattern here…). Jim and Pam are so perfect together and I love them so much.

Originally posted by andrewscoopers

(I didn’t write quotes for the last few ships lol because I’m lazy af lol)

This tag made me want to cry omg. Anyway, I tag @as-inevitable-as-morning @bellamybb @the-princess-and-the-king @belle-ami @problematicbellarke @platonic-bellarke @baerry-allens-wife @parapluiepliant @bellamylovedlincoln @frecklessbellamy and anyone else who wants to do this!

Stay safe, stay in school, be nice to your mother, be nice to your dad and always appreciate life.
—  Tristan Evans
Me when I heard Rammstein for the first time
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>Me:</b> Oh, I like this song.<p/><b>Me:</b> Oh, I like this album.<p/><b>Me:</b> Hey, the leadsinger is pretty attractive.<p/><b>Me:</b> Oh hey there, so is the drummer. And the guitarists. And the bassist. And the keyboardist. Heh.<p/><b>Me:</b> I need to see this band live.<p/><b>Me:</b> I LOVE THIS BAND SO MUCH. LOOK, THEY'RE SO WONDERFUL!<p/><b>Me:</b> YOU PERFECT FUCKING BASTARDS ARE RUNNING MY LIFE WITH YOUR MUSIC AND YOUR FACES AND YOUR PERSONALITIES AND OH MY GOD I CAN'T EVEN AHDHJFNVNSXZ.<p/><b></b> *Gets obsessed as hell*<p/></p><p/></p>
Why 'Fast and Furious' fans will love 'Fate of the Furious,' even though it makes no sense

(“The Fate of the Furious."Universal)
I have to admit, it’s kind of hard to review the “Fast and Furious” movies.

The franchise from Universal has pretty much perfected its formula to the point that it can only be derailed if everyone involved suddenly has a serious mental lapse.

Now, that doesn’t mean the movies are easy to pull off. Being a director for any of these titles means having to navigate huge egos from the cast and being the one everyone takes jabs at if the stunts and action don’t surpass the previous film in the series.

But let me put all the “Furious” fanatics at ease: “The Fate of the Furious” lives up to the hype, even if it isn’t a great movie (did you really expect it to be?).

Though most of the die-hards will find that it doesn’t surpass “Furious 7” in the “wow” department (I mean, they drove cars out of an airplane in that one!), director F. Gary Gray (“Straight Outta Compton”) and his team use every trick to distract you from the fact that nothing in this movie makes sense. (And I mean that in a good way.)

The movie opens with Dom (Vin Diesel) and Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) enjoying a lovely honeymoon in Cuba. But suddenly his cousin is in a dispute about payment for his ratty car. Dom steps in and before you know it he’s racing the guy who wants his cousin’s car so his cousin can keep it. The kicker: Dom has to use his cousin’s car in the race.

After enhancing the car with some "Cuban nos,” Dom races the guy, and at one point his engine catches on fire, so to avoid the flames he has to drive the final stretch backward to get the win.

Of course, Dom, with Cuban children surrounding him to praise his win, refuses to take his opponent’s car as his prize. Respect from the man is good enough.

Honestly, one thing you can say about the “Fast and Furious” franchise: It really highlights the rewards that come with giving and getting respect.

((L-R) Jason Statham and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.YouTube/Universal)
But back to the action. The major plot of “Fate of the Furious” goes like this: Dom has gone rogue on his team/family and the rest have to stop him from using a nuclear weapon to complete the evil plan of Cipher (Charlize Theron).

Outside of the dull scenes needed to keep the pointless plot going — even the charisma of Kurt Russell returning as Mr. Nobody to deliver exposition can’t overcome the fact that bland Scott Eastwood is right next to him trying to fit in as the newbie of the group — the movie has a great prison-fight scene featuring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Jason Statham, as well as a fun New York City chase scene.

The topper of the New York chase is when a group of cars, on self-drive mode after being hacked by Cipher, all shoot out of a parking garage’s windows high above a street and land on the car Cipher is trying to get to.

And then there’s the action sequence in which Statham’s Deckard takes out an airplane full of bad guys while holding a baby in a car seat.

Yes, you read that correctly. I’ll give you a moment to collect yourselves.

The insane scene is made all the better by Deckard stopping from time to time to see how the baby is doing. The kid is having the time of his life.


The Rock fans will love the insults he throws at everyone throughout, there’s a great Helen Mirren cameo, and the finale with the submarine in icy waters is a fun time, but a lot of its juice is taken away seeing as how much of it was shown in the trailers.

So how does Universal top this one? It might be time to take Dom’s crew to space.

“The Fate of the Furious” opens in theaters on Friday.

NOW WATCH: The first full ‘Justice League’ trailer is here and it looks incredible

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The signs thoughts
  • ARIES: I´m better than all of you assholes
  • TAURUS: I could eat some cake right now
  • GEMINI: I´m going to pretend i care about what you just said
  • CANCER: I need hugs and cookies
  • LEO: Fuck u bitch i´m fabulous, bow down to me
  • VIRGO: You´re all uncultered swines
  • LIBRA: Stop war hug more
  • SCORPIO: I tired of your bullshit, i just wanna sleep
  • CAPRICORN: sex sex sex sex sex
  • Aquarius: I´m hot and gay
  • PISCES: Fuck my life

anonymous asked:

Do you think Hamilton actually loved Eliza, or only married her since he couldn't be with Laurens?

Oh, I think Hamilton definitely loved Eliza (though he was far from the perfect husband at times).  His letters to Eliza were often just as over-the-top romantic/emotional as his letters to Laurens were.  I haven’t read the Hamilton/Eliza letters as much as I have read the Hamilton/Laurens ones, so I can’t come up with any direct quotes right now, but here’s all the letters Hamilton wrote to her.  They’re pretty lovey-dovey.  And in the letter Hamilton wrote to her in case he died in his duel with Burr (spoiler alert: he did), he called her “best of wives and best of women.”  He also got her pregnant nine times, if you want to take that as an indicator of their love.

It’s come up before that Hamilton could have been polyamorous.  It seems like he loved Laurens and Eliza pretty equally.  Eliza was by no means a second choice because he couldn’t have Laurens, and likewise Hamilton’s love for Laurens didn’t end once he met Eliza.

even isn’t from now on “the guy with a mental illness”. even is the guy we saw fall in love with isak valtersen. he is the guy who listens to nas and has posters of him, but who also listens to gabrielle and john legend and god knows who else. he is the guy who likes to lip-sync and dance. he is the guy you’ll be able to talk to about pretty much all the movies that were made in the last century. mainstream and indie, he’ll most likely have seen it. he is the guy who has star wars posters in his room. who likes to sit by the window when it’s still sunny outside. he is the guy who will call people out if they make hasty generalizations about certain groups of people. he is the guy who loves baz luhrmann and who can probably quote all of his movies because he’s seen them dozens of times. 

he is the artistic guy who likes to draw and create perfect sets for his stop motions that have silly scenarios. he is the guy who likes to express his feelings through his drawings. he is the guy on the bicycle. he is the guy who remembers which spice isak likes on his toasts. he is the guy who can beatbox (unless isak is there with him, then he just cracks up). he is the guy who fogs up windows so he can draw hearts on them. he is the guy who probably has all the seinfeld memes ever made stored in his phone. he is the guy who cooks breakfast and has the perfect trick to make good scrambled eggs. he is the guy who likes to play fifa, and concentrates really hard when he does. he is the guy who likes to stroke isak’s hair and his face, like he’s the most precious and valuable thing to him. he is the sweet guy who is nice and polite with anyone he meets for the first time. he is the charismatic guy whose smile can light up a entire room.

even is the guy who is all of these things, and who also happens to have a mental illness 

Did They Give You A Name

Darcy is the BossLady in charge of Avengerss et al Ldt., as well as PR manager, and friend to pretty much all of them.  As seen in Avengers on Sesame Street

I’m expanding on that universe, bit by bit, and here’s how one lot of ‘first time meeting the new boss’ meetings went.

“So, did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?” Darcy asked in her best impression of Meg from Disney’s Hercules.  She’d never be as willowy as the cartoon femme, but she did have the curves and the long brown curls.

Meg was Darcy’s favourite Disney (not really a) Princess.  In Darcy’s opinion, Meg had it up on almost all the other Disney heroines who had existed before her in that she actually had the life experience.

Though, granted, there had been a couple of really kick-ass ones since, and Esmerelda had just squeezed in ahead, which was why it was ‘almost all’ and not just 'all’.

So many of the girls in the princess crew had a driving force of wanting 'more’ in some way, shape, or form.  Meg, on the other hand, had already had her adventure, and her 'happily ever after’, and it hadn’t worked out in her favour.  She was not an innocent teenager looking for more.  She was a jaded adult (eighteen would definitely qualify as adult in Ancient Greece, and that’s only if she wasn’t the older of her and Hercules), making do and desperately trying to fix – and not repeat – her mistakes.

She was a grown woman making the best of her bad situation, with a boss that she didn’t like and co-workers that she liked even less than that.  Apart from the fact that the boss was Hades and the co-workers were imps, it really was the most realistic, relate-able situation.

Also?  Greek family on her mother’s side, so even though the legend was butchered almost beyond recognition for the sake of Disney plot, Darcy really didn’t care – and some day, she was going to get a pair of purple contact lenses in her prescription.

There were three men standing before her, and any one of them could have been worthy of that quote alone.  Together?  There were a lot of rippling pectorals.

The blonde one, with the same sort of proportions as… pretty much every Hercules ever (apart from the gone-to-seed one in Class of the Titans, but there was Harry to make up for that) stammered.

“Uh-huh, ah-ha, I’m – ah…”

Oh, that was just perfect, and judging from the smirk that Hot Chocolate was fighting back, not to mention the challengingly raised eyebrow, he wanted her to do the appropriate follow up.

And who was Darcy to deny a chance to do the follow up line for realzies?

“Are you always this articulate?” she teased.

“Around a classy dame?” checked the handsomely scruffy brunet, a devilish smirk on his face as bright blue eyes switched back and forth between the blond and Darcy.  “This is about standard for what I remember of the punk – and no, they didn’t give me one.  They called him Captain America though,” he added with a nod to his stuttering friend.

“Mr USA himself, huh?” Darcy said, and gave him a considering once-over.  “Sorry sweetheart, but it’s gentlemen that prefer blondes.  I’m neither, and I get the feeling you might be both.”

Spluttering overtook him again.

“Sam Wilson,” offered Hot Chocolate as he extended his hand to shake, grin on his face and shoulders (oh, the shoulders) shaking with barely suppressed laughter.

“Sam, huh?  Think I prefer Hot Chocolate,” Darcy kept going, even as she accepted the hand and shook it.

A full lower lip was pulled back and clamped down on by a set of pearly whites as he shook his head.  Yep, definitely fighting back laughter.  It looked like she had a fellow Disney fan.  Awesome-sauce.

With one last wink at the man, Darcy turned her attention back to the blue-eyed brunet who looked like he was hiding a killer jaw beneath that scruff.

“So, if you haven’t got a name, can I pick one out for you?” she asked.

“Doll, you can call me anything you like,” he said with a crooked little smile that was clearly just for her.  “But, apparently, not a gentleman,” he added, as he looked her up and down just the same way she’d done to Captain America.
Darcy grinned at that, and held out her hand to him to shake.

Which he didn’t.  Instead, he turned it over, caressed her fingers with his thumb, and kissed – actually kissed, not just bussing the air there – the back of her hand.

“Flirt,” Darcy decided, but there was no way she was keeping a straight face.  At least she was fairly confident that she wasn’t blushing.  “You are hereby dubbed TDH Flirt, until you find a name that you prefer.”

“TDH?” he and Hot Chocolate repeated, confused.  Mr USA just mouthed it, no sound coming out.

“Stands for Tall, Dark and Handsome, but that’s a mouthful, so, TDH,” Darcy explained with a red-painted smirk.

TDH Flirt grinned up at her, which was impressive considering he was taller than her, and it was somehow sharp at the same time as being boyishly innocent.  Darcy could tell right away, that smile was going to be so much trouble.  So, so much trouble.

“You should see him clean shaven,” Mr USA quipped lowly.

“Aha!  You can talk!” Darcy accused brightly – finger pointed and all, though with the hand that wasn’t still being held by Flirt – which promptly sent him back to stammering and blushing.

“So, if I’m TDH Flirt, does that mean I get to call you Gorgeous Dame all the time?” he countered, eyes bright and smile earnest.  “You still haven’t told us your name, Miss Dame.”

“My name, Mr Flirt, is Darcy Lewis,” she answered as she reclaimed her hand from him and set both onto cocked hips.  “Recently installed CEO of and PR Manager for The Avengers et al, Ldt.  Congratulations boys, your very tight tushies are mine hereafter.”

“CEO of -?” Hot Chocolate asked, surprise and confusion written across his handsome face.  “Two questions.  One: how’s that work?  And two: how’s a person get a job like that anyway?”

“It works because it has to, unless you like the idea of living out of Tony’s pocket.  It’s not a bad place to live, but he gets… proprietary,” Darcy explained delicately.

“And the other thing?” Hot Chocolate prompted.

“I filed all the initial paperwork,” Darcy answered with a shrug, “and then continued to file, filter, and funnel the paperwork that came after.  Officially, I own The Avengers et al, Ltd.  Which is you guys, Tony, Thor, a few others.  Your image is mine to raise to lofty heights or drag through the mud, and I can get on every- and anybody’s case if they say anything derogatory or untrue.  It makes you guys legal, rather than vigilante, and prevents any governmental bodies from stepping up and saying things like -” she put on a frowny face and lowered her voice to what she dubbed 'angry father pitch’.  “'You need to be controlled!'”

Flirt frowned with his whole face.  It was adorable.  Seriously, like a child who hasn’t learned how to filter and mask emotions.  Actually, he’d had a pretty open face the whole way through the conversation.

“Can they do that?” he asked.

“Without the nice business label and civilian-in-charge?” Darcy checked, slipping back out of the over-done character and into her own self again.  “They might try it, and probably sooner than later, depending on who you make twitchy.  With it though, with a contract in place, they can’t touch you,” she assured him.  “Speaking of which, if you gentlemen would follow me to my office, we need to make it all legal and official,” she added, and turned with a wave over her shoulder for them to follow her.

She smiled to herself as they fell in behind her, all very precise, military march following after her swaying hips and the decisive click of her low-heeled boots on the hard floor.

“I’m open to negotiation on any points of the contract, but so far everybody who has read it through hasn’t asked for any changes to be made,” Darcy said when they reached her office and produced three copies of the 'hero’ contract she had.  As opposed to the 'scientist’ contract, or the standard employment contract for the plebs like medical legal, accounting, janitorial, etcetera.

When she turned around, she was very pleased to see that all three men were staring around her office in surprised wonder.  Well, Hot Chocolate was less awed, but he probably had more experience of what modern offices could look like.  He still looked pretty impressed though.

Darcy herself was rather pleased with the big poster she had made herself and hung on the back wall behind her desk.  It said: I am not River Tam.  I cannot Kill You with my Brain.  I am Darcy Lewis. There are Worse Things than Death.  That poster hung over the truly beautiful cutlass her uncle had gifted her about a week after the Dark Elf incident – which, unlike what happened in New Mexico, SHEILD hadn’t been able to cover up.

Then again, it might have been her large collection of customised Nerf guns, along with all their ammo, that lined another of her office walls that had them so impressed.

“Can you use all these?” Mr USA asked as he inspected her black-and-silver Nerf Maverick.

Mr Flirt was ghosting his hand less than an inch away from her Longshot, which she’d painted up to look like a proper rifle – except for the orange tip, as with all of her Nerfs.

“They’re toy guns, modified to fire better, but still toys.  Of course I can use them,” Darcy answered plainly as she handed out the contracts.  “I go to war against Clint with them every April, have since I met him out in New Mexico when Thor first touched down.  Can we get back to your contracts though, please?  I don’t have to have them signed today, you can take your time to read over them, but before the end of the week, if you could.”

“Yes Ma'am,” the trio of handsome men agreed.

~The End~

Introducing Wizards to Muggle things part 3
  • Ron: Of all the muggle things you've introduced me to... the Hearse seems to creep me out the most.
  • Hermione: Okay... color me interested... why are you creeped out by a Hearse?
  • Ron: Think about it!! Aurors are never going to stop them for having a dead body in their trunk! In fact it's pretty much the perfect way to transport a dead body! How does that not give you the willies!?

anonymous asked:

Did God create Lucifer as a tempter or did Lucifer disobey of his own free will?

Originally posted by thisisdeadworld

Looks like it’s time to pull out my favorite gif and start up another rousing round of Satanic Theology with Sarah. Gather round kiddies, pull up your chairs and grab your notebooks and get ready for a crash course in the Abrahamic personification of evil. 

Firstly, let’s review what we know about Satan. It’s not much, but the Bible gives us a few choice insights. Jesus let us know that angels don’t have gender in their heavenly state, but we do know that angels can assume human forms and every time they do so in the Bible it is with male-presenting bodies (probably because patriarchy but that’s another rant). Similarly, Satan is always referred to as “he”  and although I think gender is entirely beside the point with angels for a variety of reasons, I’m going to refer to Satan as “he” here.  I’m going to deal strictly with the Bible here, even though Satan shows up in the Quran as well as in various Abrahamic folktales, but the Bible is what I know and it’s my gold standard for the general cosmological overview of our universe, so let’s dive in. 

Most people think Satan’s first appearance in the Bible is during the temptation in Eden, and while the snake’s action seem to hold up with his character, the snake is never once referred to as the devil, he’s literally just a talking snake. Eve isn’t wigged out by this so maybe talking animals were run of the mill in Eden, when everything was all eternal undying summer and perfect intimacy with God. I’m willing to buy it. But let’s move to more explicit references to Satan, shall we?

The much-quoted “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!” quote is in Isaiah chapter 14:12 and despite the fact that this passage is where we got it in our heads that Satan’s name is Lucifer, that passage more likely refers to the corrupt king of Babylon and the word Lucifer is just latin for light-bringer or morning star. Revelation does refer to a fallen morning star that was given the keys to the pit, which we’ll get to later, and it’s possible that this is one of God’s multilayered time-hopping prophecies (he would) but from an academic standpoint it doesn’t really hold up in court. 

He shows up briefly in a prophetic vision in Zechariah 3:1-2

Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. 2 And the Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, O Satan! The Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you!”

We get a little more insight into Satan’s personality in Job, when he shows up in the throne room of God (where apparently he is allowed) with all the other angels. God asks him what he’s been up to, he says he’s been roaming the Earth, and when God points out Job as a upstanding man, Satan claims that job is only righteous because he is wealthy and secure, and if that was taken away he would curse God’s name. God takes the wager and tells Satan he can get up to whatever sort of fuckery he wants so long as he doesn’t harm Job himself. After that, Satan disappears and the story becomes about dealing with loss and injustice in a world governed by an all-knowing all-powerfull all-good God. It’s important to note that Job was probably written during the time of the Babylonian captivity, and is generally regarded as a Jewish folktale. The Satan present here is under God’s sovereignty and needs God’s permission to test humans, although the exact nature of their relationship is unclear.

Let’s remember that “satan” simply means “adversary” and can be used as a noun to apply to humans or an difficult situation, but this is one of the few times it is personified as “The Satan”.

Barreling into the New Testament, Satan becomes much more of a major player. In John 8:44 Jesus says that Satan

“…was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

In Luke 10:18 Jesus (who has been a part of the Godhead pre-creation and his conception on Earth so it makes sense) says that he “saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven” and one of the things that he and his apostles do a lot of is bind, cast out, and banish unclean spirits, or demons. Jesus also has an on-screen conversation with the Devil in two of the gospels, when the Spirit leads him into the desert to be tempted. Again, here we see God surrendering someone He loves to temptation in perfect faith and of course Jesus doesn’t falter when Satan offers him food, fame, wealth, and an Earthly kingdom in exchange for worshipping him.

Post death and resurrection, the apostles of the newly born church mention Satan a lot, as accuser, deceiver, and destroyer. They cast out demons on the reg and seem to able to discern when a Satanic spirit (which is pretty much just a sinful human impulse which may or may not be aided by the powers of darkness) is present. There’s literally too many “resist the devil and he will flee you” type quotes in this section of the Bible to quote.

Satan shows back up in a big way in Revelation, which is where we’re told the story of him fighting against Michael with a third of Heaven’s angels and getting cast out of Heaven. 

“And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world- he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. And I heard a loud voice in Heaven saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Therefore, rejoice, “ heavens and you who dwell in them. But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the Devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!” Revelation 12: 9-12

Phew! Okay, that was a very fast very sparse overview of the Biblical Devil. Now lets return back to your original question and consult what we know to be true about God. 

  1. God is all-good, all-powerful, and all-knowing. 
  2. God works good out of evil therefore anything we perceive as evil is actually just some sort of good, however microscopic or ineffable. In essence, God fixes what we fuck up, and if fucked up things happen to us, God either uses them for good or has been pulling the cosmic good strings all along. 
  3. Satan seems to have some sort of report with God and is allowed into the presence of God, but they still have tons of open animosity towards each other as shown in Satan’s bitter, petty, cruel actions and language, and Jesus’ (who we must remember is fully God) low tolerance for Satan and exacting, unyielding way of dealing with him.
  4.  God grants all of his creatures free will as a testament of love and respect and apparently that extends to angels too because there are angels actively working against God who have no chill about it and seem to believe they have some shot of winning this cosmic war they started.

Honestly, I don’t think the answer to your question matters in the grand cosmology of life but I too think about it often. From what I can see, I’m gonna come down on the side of Satanic by choice, not by birthright. That to me stands up to God’s character more as well. He gives us all equal chances to be loved and actualize ourselves as part of God’s kingdom, but He also loves us enough to let us go full darkside if we decide that’s what we want. God isn’t a tyrant; he can’t force us to love him.