this part made me want to cry

livehealthylivehappy95  asked:

You're so right. Mona has always been about the dolls. I feel like Mona never got enough credit but she was one of the best parts of the show. She covered for the girls so many times and did so much for them!

I KNOW! And when she called Hannah on it a few episodes ago it made me like cry cause she just wanted to be included
But because of all that exclusion is what drove her obsession with having her dolls.
I just find it weird none of the other girls followed up on them being in prison lol

Honestly? Shoutout to those of you who are completely fucking lost in life. Those who don’t know what they want to do with life. Those who are stuck in a certain part of life and can’t get out. Those who are reaching for dreams they feel are impossible to reach. Those who feel like they’re accomplishments are being overlooked. Those who feel like their enough just isn’t enough. It is. You can make it. You will make it. There is an opening at the end of the tunnel.

It’s such a strange feeling when something comes into your life like a movie or an artist or a band that just feels like it’s made from the same stuff you are, it immediately becomes part of how you define yourself and it’s everything you see yourself as at that point in your life and everything that you aspire to be and it’s such a bizarre sensation when you discover something and you immediately feel it fill a hole inside you that you didn’t know was there

transcript of the speech i gave at Vassar’s black baccalaureate service

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, and the Vassar class of 2017.
Just saying that aloud made me feel old. Class of 2017? Most of y'all were born after dark-skinned Aunt Viv left the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That’s wild.

I want to first thank you for allowing me to be a part of such a special moment in your lives. I am honored, privileged, and a bit in disbelief that you asked me of all people to give this address. I try not to have feelings, and I’m going to do my best not to cry today, but no promises.

I’m here to stand in the gap between you and your parents and guardians and any other elders in your lives that you stopped listening to because you thought they were wack and out of touch. I remember being in your shoes not TOO long ago, and it is my fervent prayer that something that I say here today will help you avoid some of the mess I went through.
To be honest I’m a little nervous, but I figured there was no way could this be worse than when Betsy DeVos went down to Bethune-Cookman, so let’s get started.

As you transition to life after Vassar the changes will be both inevitable and swift, so I’d like to begin by giving you some well-intentioned advice and warning you about the continued process of becoming an adult.

Keep reading

Let’s start it off with the one and only, the canon pairing of a sad sk8er boi and his tiny baker: Jack Zimmerman/Eric “Bitty” Bittle!

Ice Crew Please!

THE FIC THAT CHANGED E V E R Y T H I N G u don’t even KNOW oh my god

u read this and u r like: “ice crew au…?? wut” but U GUYS. READ IT.

I AM. BEGGING U. its so fucking funny but also so fucking meaningful and abt CREATING A Fa mILY !!!! and LoVe!!!! and frieNDShIP!!!

p.s i don’t want to spoil it but if u read it message me and ill talk to u abt the part that made me cry like actual tears bc thank god for friendships and acknowledging that shit is hard

the messes of men

this was… in it’s own way.. a hard fic to read (which makes it the best fic to read! pain! i love it! help me!) it’s very very very beautifully written and i hold it very close to my heart….how it portrays jack by himself and how hard it must’ve been…it also manages to weave in how mental illness plays its own role, even once you get together with the person you’re pretty sure is it for you. somewhat painful but cathartic and achingly tender.

until it got the best of you

umm bitty has a big dick. that’s it.

BUT then there’s feelings! and angst! and misunderstanding! (the best type too! u know when one is like so crazily in love with the other and thinks its shockingly obvious but surprise, it’s not!) it’s just fantastic!

i never saw the signs

imagine a world where jack jumping over the snowbank, bringing bitty coffee, going on long walks classifies (in jack’s mind) as dating. so when bitty gets asked out, jack cannot believe the b e t r ay a l! we’re dating bitty! just read this and be happy :)

left the city, my family, my precinct

oh my goodness this fic.

jack accidentally sends bittle a dick pick.

:0  ;)  <3 ___ <3 = summary of the fic

mixing it up

this is just….so cute?!??!?! and funny?!??! and 1!!!!!

bitty is contestant at a baking tournament for the falconers where jack and tater are the judges. at least, thats where it starts off.

tater is fucking hILARIOUS this fic in general made me laugh a lot.

strawberry

if u about that dom/sub life well…….just know that eric pins jacks hands to the bed and there’s v intense blushing that boi turns red like a tomato and i live 4 it.

eric is a tad too southern for me but it’s the only thing this fic doesn’t do perfectly :))))

something like this

considering how popular this fic is it actually sat open in a tab for a looong loooooong time just bc…well… it’s 285,748 words. im an all or nothing girl as in i once read the entire maze runner trilogy in one night so i had to find the right time

first of all: angst. second of all: angst. third of all: ….. u guessed it… angst. BUT don’t worry, for every drop of angst there’s a metro-fucking-ton of smut and sweetness :)))) ;))) what this fic does brilliantly is create an OMC that is at the forefront of the story and do it seamlessly. this is a pretty iconic fic and tbh im definitely not one for fics longer than 100k but this was a fuckin’ beaut man

rake the springtime across your sheets

oh god this was P A I N F U L but in a very beautiful way??? (that’s how u know the writing was siCK) ambiguously happy ending but tbh in the end this fic is really just abt the unspoken quiet truth of being in love, of loving, of being human just lke Fffffffuck me up

Phone, Please!

listen. i’m not a fluff person. idk i get bored. BUT. BUUUUUT. BUT. this fic.

AMAZING. this fic is all about the details and the little moments that make Bitty and Jack  ~*BittyandJack*~

Bonus favorite line: “Thank god there are pancakes to serve. Pancakes are also very nice, and something he can actually have.”

Winter Clothes

Chowder POV so this is both hiLARIOUS and surprisingly touching. Jack and Bitty help Chowder buy clothes for New England winter. As a person living in New England, I approve this message.

WIPS: *Hate That I Love You plays in the background*

medic, please!

so if u ever played world of warcraft u r gonna love it and if you’ve never played world of warcraft u r gonna love it

this fic is just SO CREATIVE?!?!! like the format of it is B O M B. its just. so good. oh ym god.

(also the name is “medic please!” get it? cuz eric’s a medic in the game.? and check..PLEASE! ugh I’m a nerd 4 this pic

Fainting Psychics and Pessimistic Demonologists

ghostbusters au except not bc copyright

at first i was like…ghost hunters au?? rlly? but now I’m like GHOST HUNTERS AU? B R I L L I A N T.

characters are on point, its funny (an actual line of the fic “Jack sat down at his computer, pulled open a tab, and googled “How to encourage a teammate”. lmao what a mess)

but also theres some mystery and intrigue and suspense and in general this is a Good.

baking is punk as fuck

this is another AU that i was like…punk band u ….rlly? but then i was like PUNK BAND AU FUCK YEAH im a sucker for asshole Jack. i’m not even into punk?? but im into this fic U ___ U

This Don’t Even Feel Like Falling

filed under “praise kink mmmm”

honestly? porn..? “Bitty is the one to tie Jack’s hands for Hazeapalooza; afterward, he ties Jack’s hands for their own private enjoyment. “ like?? I’m not sorry.

but also not established relationship more like fwb but u know and i know and ngozi knows that ain’t the game we’re playing here

around the green and blue

not usually a big fan of soulmate aus but what i love about this fic is the pacing and even tho soulmate aus where seeing your soulmate = seeing color for the first time isn’t totally new this felt super fresh and original!

shine for you

aw MAN this gave me the feeeeeels. established relationship but jack is not out, it’s a bit angsty but the jack perspective is just so gooood

EXTRA: It all started with a big Russian hockey player calling a small cat-loving hockey player a rat. You either h8 it or u luv it. In my case, I Love it, capital L, so enjoy: Alexei “Tater” Mashkov/Kent Parson

careful the tale you tell

Kent has been telling himself a story, ever since the Q. It’s the epic story of Parse and Zimms, and he’s in love with it. // this fic is specifically meant for patater newbies and this fic does an amazing job of showing why kent and alexei just make sense. its honestly a Blessing.

kick on the starter

lmao im gonna be 90 years old and still reccing Febricant’s fics…for real when i saw they wrote patater i was like…no..im dreaMing…or im dead? is . is heaven?? rlly unique approach to how she gets them together and gr8 build up :)))) Bless Febricant

i need to wake up, i need me some love…

honestly? shameless fluff. established relationship (they’re ENGAGED FOR GOD’S SAKE) short but Good

Okay I thought of something and it made me emo so I wanted to share it with you guys too so we can be emo together (that’s what skamily is for) 

You remember this? (well of course you do) 

well this clip just made me realise that this, everything Even is telling Isak that will happen isn’t just something that he thinks will happen because he is depressed. He believes it, because it’s happened before. It has happened with his friends whom he loved so much. 

We don’t know what happened but it is something so bad that not only hurt balloon squad but made Even think they hate him, made Even hate himself and that’s why he was so sure he would always be alone before Isak. Why he thought all he did was ruin things. Because he has before. He has lost everything before. and now it’s threatening to come back and haunt him and he is flipping terrified that whatever he did that was so bad to lose all the people he loves and trust, will take away the one person he loves and trusts now.


This clip broke my heart, because this face? it reminds me of the clip above. All the shame, self-hate, resentment at whatever led to him losing his friends. This face shows just how much he still truly believes that he hurt all his friends enough for them to hate him. He believes it so much that he continues to hate himself for everything he can’t change. He is so ashamed, so terrified of everything that went down with bakka and his closest friends to come back and destroy everything he has built between him and that incident. ugh it’s just. I feel like this clip and this entire storyline is so damn important because it’s proving that everything we saw with Even at the end of s3 hasn’t gone away just because Isak loves him. 

His self hate? the pain, this belief that he doesn’t deserve anyone because he just hurts them and ruins everything? ah god it’s still there and it always will be until he faces everything that created it. And so the bakka storyline is coming up to maybe hopefully push Even in the right direction of healing and finally self love and acceptance because that is what skam is about. 

dealing with everything you are ashamed of about yourself and finding love and acceptance within yourself. For Even that is no longer being ashamed of his past and his illness but accepting that it is a part of him and his story and he is even more strong, beautiful and compassionate because of it. He shouldn’t hate himself for things out of his control, and he shouldn’t be terrified of losing people he loves because of it. He is kind, smart, beautiful, and loved. his illness doesn’t define him. This is everything I wanted from an Even season, and just maybe we’re gonna get it. 

just maybe we’re gonna get to watch someone teach us how to love and accept ourselves again. 

I hope so

Also the fact that he asked about the boys made me want to cry because he so clearly misses them so much and he said it in such a,….sad way? I just I can’t. 

Especially when the boys reaction to Even’s name was this

I just… I want to protect my baby and take away his pain and worries. He still thinks that he is capable of hurting and losing Isak and I truly feel like those feelings are connected to the Balloon squad, who are connected to Sana who is our beautiful main. And that is how we are going to get Even’s self acceptance story after all. 

I’m sorry I told you this was emo. 

The OjiKiri friendship might as well be my favorite not-exactly-canon thing in bnha this part made me so happy - and 1B kids shenanigans too!! I’m g l a d

why is life made only for to end?

why do I do all this waiting, then?

anonymous asked:

Sorry but am I the only one SOBBING after Louis' interview???? So much of it just hurt my heart but a lot of it just made me even prouder and jfc I have too many emotions rn pls tell me I'm not alone

…I mean…I liked the pictures? 

I’ve been thinkin about this a lot. So I’m going to elaborate.

When it comes to just about anything to do with Louis this is 100% me

And while there were definitely parts of the interview that had me wanting to cry in a very not so cool way, a lot of it just didn’t quite sit well with me. I’m not surprised with how they’re marketing Louis, since this is the same incompetent “team” that’s been behind his PR for years, but the content of the interview just had me like  

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment…he looks incredible.

Like

But then as you start to add headlines to these photos it’s gets a bit…eh

Louis is so incredibly talented as both a a singer and songwriter and this narrative is disappointing because when you’re trying to launch someone’s solo SINGING career, exactly what good does it do to begin a headline with “Not the best singer”? 

Which is why when people praise this article saying how great it is I’m like

There are certainly very honest and raw moments in this article, and I do think it was well written. The parts of actual dialogue are gripping, but the way in which they’re framed sells Louis short in my opinion. I can’t sit here and say, “Wow this part was great and I’m just going to ignore all the other bits that kind of stuck out as odd to me.” 

They are using the same, and I mean the EXACT same, marketing tactics that they used with One Direction.

They’ve always tried to sell him as this working class Donny lad figure, which I’m pretty sure is why his relationship with Jamie Vardy has been so heavily publicised (aside from the rumours that he’ll play him in the biopic), but they’ve really made it sound like if he hadn’t made it into One Direction that he’d be mining coal somewhere right now…

And as ever, his image is tightly wound around a heterosexual “he’s taken” narrative. 

The difference between the use of “girlfriend” and “partner” is significant in that it implies permanence and adding fatherhood to that really shows how aggressively they’re veering away from targeting a young female audience demographic in terms of traditional marketing. They managed to put all that information into this article without any actual words from Louis.

The unfortunate thing about this article, is that the two things Louis actually talked about the least are now becoming the focal point of the narrative. 

Like, okay. We get it. He is doing the sex with the women. And all these seemingly random pap shots and snapchat cameos are suddenly coming out of the woodwork and they still can’t get a new quote about it…

What concerns me is that they’ve used their first opportunity to market Louis’ solo career this way. The end of the article is oddly dark and unsettling…

What the hell even was that? Like a pat on the back and a “Good luck kid,” as he chain smokes into the sunset? The vibe was very

And yeah, there have been some aggressive injustices in Louis’ life, no one should have to lose their mother that young and that suddenly, and I thought that part of the article was extremely well handled and verbalised. But, as someone who has appreciated Louis’ talent for years now, this article really didn’t have to make his insecurities the focal point. He didn’t have to diminish his existing collaborations by saying that he couldn’t get “big names” in the studio with him, therefore now isolating himself from pretty much everyone in the music industry. And the fact Simon Cowell got a nod in the article was like, “Hi! I’m a red flag!”

Like, Jesus Christ, he was put in a boy band, not sent to war. And if you’re telling me that Simon Cowell can’t pick up the phone and get big name writers into a room with Louis Tomlinson then I don’t know what to say. What bothers me the most is that this entire article sounds like a regurgitated speech from Simon Cowell that he probably used to manipulate Louis over the past five years. Despite his HUGE fan base, which has made him the most engaged with celebrity on Instagram, someone is still telling Louis he isn’t a frontman, when he has a global audience telling him the exact opposite. This article makes it sound like Syco is taking some kind of chance on one of the most successful musicians of the last decade. Louis wrote more of One Direction’s songs than any other member and there’s absolutely no reason to make his debut album sound more dramatic than Dunkirk. Like, “In a world where no one believed in him…Louis Tomlinson had to learn to believe in himself…COMING SUMMER 2017!” 

Ugh. It just…   

Anyway, I’m crying in a cool way over how gorgeous Louis looks here as a dramatic cat lady. 

And now it’s time to sashay away. Thanks for listening!

This week’s TM highlights:

  • Opens with a Very Dramatic nerf fight
  • “We can show someone googling themselves on the internet, right?” “Well, safe search.”
  • “First question is for Matt.” “Oh, god. Hi.”
  • Matt had Raishan’s next few rounds planned before Keyleth cast the spell.
  • If VM hadn’t gotten to Raishan when they did, Matt considered having her leave and just be out in the world, maybe reappearing in the next campaign.
  • Matt on Grog’s version of beat poetry: “You just… literally beat a poet.”
  • Raishan was Matt’s favorite Conclave member to portray because of all the non-combat interactions
  • Travis grills Liam on the Superbowl after learning he spent it at a vegan Mexican restaurant drinking a spicy margarita. Liam eventually manages to pull out the word “Patriots”.
  • “I fucked it up, god damn you, Andrew from Crit Role Stats!”
  • Vax has found his family, and it’s not Syldor. He’s not looking to get closer to his dad; to him, it’s a done deal and he’s moved on.
  • Travis: “Hahaha, I find myself hilarious.”
  • Sam shows up half an hour late. “Sorry I’m late… but it’s kind of my thing.”
  • Liam calls out Sam for making jokes about wanting one of their characters to die… and then constantly moping in the text thread in the week after Scanlan died
  • Sam’s made it through the first hour of 84 so far. “I mean, I watched the part where they were saving my life and crying about me.” He did actually get choked up over Grog’s song while he was watching it at work.
  • Liam points out that Sam is “the worst kind of foodie” and once critiqued a picture of the pancakes Liam made for his kids.
  • Sam: “I think it would be fun for one of us to die. I just don’t want it to be me!”
  • They show an extended scene from the episode (Grog’s offering) and when they cut back Travis is chin-handsing and batting his eyelashes while everyone else pretends to be asleep
  • Travis gave a lot of thought to how Scanlan’s permadeath would’ve affected Grog. “Pike and Scanlan would be the two things that would just crumble him.” He spent the whole week thinking about Grog’s contribution to the ritual and practiced what he’d say whenever he had quiet moments.
  • If it had failed, Grog might’ve tried the deck.
  • Someone asks if Vax would’ve jumped in on the ritual if Kaylie hadn’t: Liam thinks Vex is closer to Scanlan than Vax is, so if Kaylie hadn’t stepped in, much as he cares about him, Vax still likely wouldn’t have stepped in because he didn’t think Scanlan would’ve answered his call.
  • Sam had no complicated list of demands to get Scanlan back, just how he thought it could or should go
  • Travis was prepared for the possibility of losing the knuckles and the belt. “He was my friend before that.”
  • “If the beard is unattuned–” “That is an amazing sentence.”
  • Scanlan will probably rethink his approach to combat, but Sam isn’t quite sure how that’s going to shake out yet
  • Talks Machina: It’s About Scientology
  • Matt re: the ashes: “Some things are just journeys in learning to trust occasionally…”
  • Matt suggests a post-mortem Talks Machina episode on the entire Conclave arc
  • Critical Role is going to WonderCon this year
  • Grog considers himself a talented magician and the cleverest tactician (Liam: “Sometimes that’s true.”)
  • If the group had gone through Scanlan’s stuff: “It would’ve mostly been weird smut.”
  • Everyone points out that they don’t know enough in-character to feel they should do more than just keep an eye on Scanlan for now
  • Travis on Groon v2: “I’M FUCKING STOKED! …I’m really excited.”
  • Sam doesn’t know how Scanlan was left at the end of the episode, and everyone tells him to not watch the rest of the episode so he can just find out live (”…something about pudding? I saw some strange fanart that I don’t know how to…” “Don’t worry about it.”)

After Dark: the site was down again (verrrrrry glad I’m on a free trial here, because that’s two weeks in a row), but @loquaciousquark recorded all but the first few minutes of it live and sent me the video file right after it was done, because she is magical that way.

  • The armor Matt wears in the opening is the armor he wore in Mythica
  • Sam wants to recreate Hot Pepper Gaming with Liam on their podcast. Travis wants to be the live studio audience.
  • Everyone discusses their various and sundry bizarre live-action turns. Expect to see people digging up clips on all social media in the next few weeks.
  • Sam jokes about a political arc following the Chroma Conclave. “Grog could be Speaker of the House.” Brian: “Grog has a higher intelligence than the real Speaker of the House.”
  • Liam’s son ran a little D&D game for him that ended with the reveal that he was making it all up as he went, which Liam figures is pretty much how D&D is supposed to go.
  • Grog was definitely taken aback by Vax’s sincerity—when playing Grog, Travis is constantly trying to find the joke in things, and Vax’s words were so genuine that Travis got emotional and kind of shut down and had nothing to reply with, which he figures is exactly how Grog would respond.
  • Kima and Allura probably would’ve survived, just because Allura had eight hours of water-breathing at her disposal, but it would’ve taken a long time before they managed to get back home (a Gilligan’s Island-type setup).
  • Brian goes around shaking everyone’s hands, but Travis grabs him and yanks him down with him, and then the crew starts firing nerf darts at them to end the episode.
1. I should’ve bought more flowers for you, now I buy flowers even if today isn’t Valentine’s Day or a day with a specific meaning, in a way, every petal is imbued with an apology and every time someone leans in to smell it they can feel the parts of me that you’ve forgiven far long before I could

2. I didn’t start to feel better until I started to take better care of myself, a constant whisper of you saying “i was just worried about you”

3. You can’t let someone be your only source of happiness because once they’re gone, you’re all alone again and there’s nothing worse than starting all the way back over with yourself: square one of a broken heart multiplied by the intensity of she’s not coming back, let her go

4. Music will never betray me

5. Poetry is thinking that you’ve got it figured out and a metaphor is just your way of saying I don’t

6. Art rules the world and I am a masterpiece in progress; how can I love myself like how you did if I can’t see that little bit?

7. Lust isn’t conducive for growth, it’s like an addict trying to get his fix– some day, he’s going to break and not even the drug can help him

8. I buy myself nice things, but I can’t fill this emptiness inside of my heart– I guess some nights, I just miss being next to you

9. I still can’t get used to sleeping alone

10. Sometimes I wish I would’ve picked up your phone calls during the first few months, I broke my promise and you know something? I regret it

11. I threw away our love letters and memories two months ago, I cried the whole time– yeah, still a fool for you, but baby, we’ve changed so much, I’m happy with my unhappy

12. You once told me to go on many adventures without you, did you account for my depression? You know, I don’t blame you for any of this. In reality it was always an us thing, a too young thing, a stupid, mad love thing– as always, I still love you, I just don’t know what love is anymore

13. They were right, soulmates touch you and they change you forever– the moment a colorful paint filled brush hits the water and the figments of colors flow into the cup, you left my soul with so many seasons, I’m still raking up the leaves from last fall

14. The last time I saw you we shouldn’t have had sex, I think that night really broke you– I think that night really broke me too

15. I should’ve laid my head onto your chest and counted your heartbeats more often, I’m sorry

16. Sometimes when I talk to people and tell them random facts that you’ve filled my head up, I swear I can hear your voice echo in the back of my head– “baby, check this out, you’re gonna love it”

17. I always do

18. I still remember your favorite Harry Potter line

19. After all of this time? …Always.

20. I smoke cigarettes to think about how to think less, the fucking irony

21. I take painkillers and my excuse is that my right hand still hurts, in truth, I’m just another addict that believes if I take another maybe my heart might just start to sound like it belongs to me

22. I didn’t cut myself because I wanted to die, I cut myself open because I wanted to feel how often I made your heart break, each scar on my shoulders is a time when I’ve made you cry

23. And each night that I can’t sleep, I stay up wishing that you’re doing okay

24. I don’t pray often, but when I do, I always prayed for your mom, although she hated me, I’m so glad that she put you on this earth to allow us to meet– I have changed so much since I’ve met you

25. The crazy part? You still change me everyday

26. You know the renaissance era? Falling in love with you was like that

27. My favorite photo of us were those two kids eating a banana split at the New Orleans mall, I miss those two innocent kids, oh, how we’ve changed

28. We are destined to have this eternal flame kind of distance– the brighter I burn, the more you’ll read, the only thing that keeps me writing some days is knowing that somewhere, somehow you’re always reading, no matter who you’re with or if you’re laughing or crying or smiling

29. My number one fan was always you first

30. I’ve made so many bad decisions, you were never one of them

31. I’ve written so many bad poems, you were in every single one

32. I’ve written some pretty great ones too tho…!
You were also in those

33. I miss cleaning your eyes for you

34. I have met some amazing people because of what happened to us

35. I can’t get you by Fallbrooke the acoustic version is no longer on the internet, the funny part? The very last day that it was on the web, I downloaded it right before they removed it. It’s still my favorite song of all time, our song

36. Hold your tears by Clazziquai too

37. Sometimes when I get off from work, I sit in the car and cry, some tears don’t have meaning, they just need to come out

38. I claim to write poetry, but I feel like they’re just love letters sent to no one in particular

39. It’s not that I’m not over you, I’m just trying to get used to not needed you

40. It’s not that it hurts to the point where I can’t breathe, I’m just trying to light my own path to self-love and healing

41. The fact that your favorite color is orange, it makes the fruit taste some type of way

42. Sometimes I want to call you, but I don’t

42. Sometimes I want to text you and I do

43. Sometimes I want you to answer, I’m glad you don’t

43. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it all and call, I’m glad that I don’t

44. You stopped writing when we first met, in some way, the girl that waits by the shore has left a million pens near my desk and to this day– I wait by the shore too, just in case inspiration hits, right?

45. Our little codes of love finally decoded enough for me to not be blinded by you

46. We were both messed up people, I think we knew that about each other and maybe that’s why I always know when you’re not feeling okay

47. I still don’t have love figured out, but damn I’ll open every fucking door in my heart even if I have to go down the sewer to find every key

48. Someone says that she’s falling for me, I’m legit afraid to hurt people now– like it’s a real fear, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore

49. I should’ve given you the stars, but instead I left your heart scattered across the universe

50. It’s been almost two year and I’m still writing about you, but at least it’s less often, right?

51. You’ve always been kinda self-centered, I think you enjoy it when I write about you. Like if I write about you in some way, maybe I’m still yours

52. We were just too damn young to realize how destructive passion, love, romance, stagnation, betrayal and pain is when mixed together

53. Sometimes I go to the places that we used to go just to create new memories without you

54. Sometimes it works

55. Most of the time, it just flicks me off

56. My brain is constantly telling me that I’m a fuck up and the more I try to get it right, the more I keep getting it wrong

57. I am trying to master the art of letting go

58. And this list is a step towards better things

59. And this life is going to be alright

60. Without you, I am still me

61. Without you, I can still breathe

62. Without you, I am still alive

63. Without you, I am still poetry

64. I can barely remember your face, I guess being around a lot of different people at work helps out plenty

65. This world is filled with pain, I hope you look back and smile about us some day

66. Maybe when you’re old and grey– you’ll remember those two young kids who slow danced in the dark

67. If we were made from the same star, I want to return home some day

68. I want to shine bright enough for the two of us

69. You’re still my best friend even if we no longer talk

70. You’ll always be my best friend

71. I still care about you

72. A whole fucking lot

73. The world is full of mysteries, I’m glad that we’re in the known, I’m glad that we’ve met

74. I hope you never regret me, you wanna know why? I could never, ever, ever, ever regret you

75. I don’t know how to open up to people anymore and I’m not sure if it’s my fault or yours– maybe this one time, it’s our fault… are you like this too?

76. I’ve been told that I’m too hard on myself, I firmly believe that one of the reason as to why we split was because I wasn’t hard enough on myself– I got too fucking comfortable with your promises and I took you for granted

77. Life waits for no one

78. I let an ex of mine break my red and black ring– she said that if I was over you, I’d let her break. I let her break it, but jokes on me, it didn’t change a thing about how I still feel about you

79. I keep writing and writing and writing because one of these days– it’ll stop being about you

80. Sometimes it works, but deep down, I know in some way, you’ll always find a way to sneak back out

81. I can’t get you out of my head sometimes

82. It’s even harder because you’re still inside of my heart

83. I saw this cool picture on Tumblr with someone cutting a piece of herself off that resembled two lovers splitting up, that shit looked like it hurt

84. Love hurts because even eating cotton candy ice cream really fast will give you a brain freeze

85. You didn’t like my rat tail idea, I grew one out just to fuck with you. Jokes on me, I love it now.

86. You never really supported the idea of me being anything, tbh, it’s not your fault. None of it is. I should’ve been my own motivation. I guess by supporting you through nursing school, I wanted to hear you say that I could do it even when I was at my lowest point.

87. I realized a few thing about loving you.

88. When you hit rock bottom, few will be loyal enough to stick it out with you

89. Money rules the world, since I’m not wealthy in any way– one day when I am, I can laugh a little about all of this

90. I think you loved our memories more than you loved me, in truth, I did too

91. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to get close to people

92. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to let you go

93. Maybe that’s why you still read

94. We had something raw and experimental, young and dumb, mistakes on top of mistakes

95. It was a perfect compass to point us to our future selves

96. I know a great many things now– although I am depressed, with or without you

97. I am great, I am strong

98. I am my own happy before anyone else’s

99. I can love myself enough to let you go

100. I had to hurt you to really, really grow–
I think to this day, that’s the thing that hurts me the most. That I had to hurt my best friend in this whole wide world, to make you crumble, to make you cry, to make you hate me– I had to do all of that in order to love myself. And it’s sad because here I am, still trying to figure it all out.



With or without you, I will be a better person.
—  100 things I figured out when we broke up
Love Conquers All (On Sherlock Season 4)

I’m currently re-watching Season 4, simply just to indulge myself, and mainly because I personally loved it. I thought I was done expressing everything I have to say about the matter in this post, but there has been an unending sh*t-storm still looming over S4 that has gone beyond what I had expected. Not to mention that things I’ve seen on Twitter earlier regarding the so-called Norbury movement.

I am not dismissing the fact that this season had its flaws, but there’s a significant meaning to it all that some people are dismissing because they’ve been blinded by their own illusions that I would want to highlight. For someone who had cried over and mulled over these episodes more than the past 3 seasons, this season gave my love for existentialism a baseline that tugged at the heart – the very reason why I wanted to talk about it.

Originally posted by esterlocked

Just a brief explanation, existentialism is the belief that life has no meaning in general. To quote Moriarty, “Staying alive… So boring, isn’t it? It’s just… staying.” However, what I like about it is the idea that society or any other factor is not responsible for giving life it’s meaning – it is solely up to the individual to discover it on their own.

With that said, I think this is why this season resonated with me so much, and I find the chaos in some parts of the fandom frustrating, especially to the point that the writers are being attacked for this. So as usual, I have to say something about it. Because instead of writing articles for work, I’m thinking about Sherlock.

Anyway, I’m just gonna go ahead with my point.


The Six Thatchers : Horrors Of The Past

This may be my least favourite among the three, but the message of this episode is clearly simple: we all have horrors that will come and haunt us in the future – and how we face it all comes down to the path we choose. 

We live hundreds, and even thousands of roles throughout our lives. And we all have our past; things that we regret, hate, cringe at, miss, still believe in, etc. But whatever that past might be, what I got from TST is that you can never run from your past as it catches up to you, but it is one facet of your life does not completely define you.

Originally posted by akajustmerry

Death has been played with through the past seasons that it seemed all too mundane to us now, in terms of the context of the show. But S4 is here to correct this notion in Mary’s persona. With Mary saying that Mary Watson was the only life worth living, it showed that we get to choose which part of our lives we live out the most.

Same with John and his ‘cheating’. To be fair, I’m pissed at the fact that this was completely out of character. But when the series culminated, I understood why they have to do it. We saw what we wanted to see in these characters as they were presented to us – John was supposedly honourable, kind, and courageous, but what is this? Who is this new John? 

This is where I head to my next point. 


The Lying Detective : Being Alive And Human

This episode made me cry buckets, to be honest. And it is because this is all about changing what you know about these characters and seeing them all in a different light. 

Here we see a Sherlock not led by the mind but the heart, a John who was weak against temptation, a cheater, someone who looked jealous from having the spotlight all on the detective – it showed that no one is ultimately good and that someone’s facade is not who they entirely are. It shows that everyone has their ups and downs because that’s what humanity is about. It illustrated that everyone was capable of being angry, desperate, conceited, weak, lonely, alone, etc. It highlighted how these characters are broken – especially Sherlock – and how redemption can mean so much more to a person. 

We all have our flaws, our downfalls, our agonies; but who are we really, at our most vulnerable? And who are the people willing to believe in us even if we’ve shown them our true, and sometimes, faded colours?

Originally posted by halloawhatisthis

“Taking your own life. Interesting expression, taking it from who? Once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everyone else. Your life is not your own, keep your hands off it.”

This is a plea. That shutting down and ending your life is and should never be the answer. This is one of the most beautiful pieces of dialogue I have ever heard, and it’s a very upfront message about warranting a value on your own life. And for people to threaten the writers of the show that they are the ones who caused the lives that are put in the line or the self-harm that will happen due to their distaste for TFP is devastating to me.

And yes, there have been people tweeting Mark and BBC that they are and will be responsible for these lives, which is just unfair.


The Final Problem : On Love And Redemption

I’ve seen people questioning why Benedict said ‘love conquers all’ in one interview before the season aired. There has also been statements that this season will be ‘groundbreaking’, which others failed to see why, leading to the claims that the showrunners are queerbaiting.

Now, every single show, every single actor, not just in Sherlock, but basically everywhere, is being put in the microscope because they need to identify with something, and that they need to represent a cause — which I get! I advocate for this! But, just when the world is being careful about mixing up their characters or when they are inserting a gay character just because now, society is demanding them to, Sherlock had already presented that years before (note that some TV shows only became more open to having gay characters around late 2014, early 2015-ish onwards because people are becoming more vocal about it as inspired by those bold enough to make a first move, e.g. Glee). 

Here, we have an openly gay character (which is still another topic of debate but I stand by it when I say Irene used the term gay loosely), had openly gay actors play brilliant and unstereotypical roles, and for God’s sake, Mark Gatiss is a gay man who is behind this brilliant show, and  that’s the very reason they passed it off as normal. They didn’t do it in a way that we always have to be reminded that the character is gay, that there has to be a sex scene just to prove that they’re gay… it’s just there – again, as one facet of the characters. Sex, as something that has been explicitly expressed in the show, isn’t the only thing that defines a character or their relationships with someone else, and I appreciated that. They had a story to tell – the story of these characters as a whole and not just one side of them. 

And personally, I did see why they made their claims as indicated by my chosen title. When this season ended, Sherlock who claimed to have never been attuned to his emotions, had his eyes open and had embraced that he was also human, flawed, and is capable to love IN ALL FORMS. 

Originally posted by fangirlhani

He learned to value his life because of what happened to Mary, he had admitted that he also succumbs to his impulses with Irene Adler (texting or beyond that, depends on what you want to believe), he fully realised that he would never ever want to hurt and make Molly feel like she’s being used by him because she’s his friend, he was able to extend a more human side of himself to John more than he did before, he finally understood and accepted Mycroft’s intentions and actions which I think mended their relationship significantly (this one hits me to the core so much), and lastly, he discovered that if he was left in the air in isolation, he might have ended up like Eurus, which is why he never wanted to make her feel alone again. 

To me, it is groundbreaking because it left that cliche of someone running off into the sunset in the end and it’s all butterflies and rainbows. They wrapped it up with the characters still broken, but living through it day by day because someone chose to love, accept, and help them heal despite their flaws. 

It is what it is, they keep on saying, because that’s how life is. It can be unbearable and it can most certainly be shit, but in the end, whether you ship Johnlock, Adlock, Sherlolly, Sheriarty, Mollstrade, Mystrade, etc., if we all let love – self-love, romantic love, familial love, platonic love – all kinds of love in our lives, it will help us conquer all, within and beyond this show. 

Retrospective on UNDERTALE’s Popularity

Though it was released almost a year ago, I have the same opinion of it.

It’s about an 8/10, niche RPG game.

If you like the characters and the humor, you’ll probably like it, and forgive it for its flaws.

If you don’t, you’ll probably hate it.

Surprisingly, there are many people who like this type of game. Though I did work hard, there’s definitely a lot of luck involved in having a game become this popular. So, it wouldn’t surprise me if I never made a game as successful again. That’s fine with me though.

Not only did I not expect this level of popularity, but initially, I was afraid of it. I didn’t want UNDERTALE to become tiring for people, or become spoiled before anyone even got a chance to play it. Early on (this was probably excessive) I even tried to contact certain Let’s Players to tell them not to make any content about it.

But, the game became very popular. Unavoidable, even. At the height of its popularity, “not liking the game” felt like a cardinal sin to many fans online. In reaction to these circumstances, others began actively hate the game, creating an endless whirlwind of discourse…

Like a thunderclap to a small dog, all of this attention stressed me out. And every time it seemed to die down, something revived it, such as the GameFAQs contest, the award shows, bizarre theory videos, and so on. At times, I wished I had a way to quell the attention. I felt a strange powerlessness. (And guilt, for feeling stressed when the success of the game SHOULD be something I’m nothing but ecstatic about.)

At the same time, countless wonderful things were happening. People told me the game helped them through a difficult part of their life. Others told me that the game had made them laugh, or cry, or say “I want to be kinder.” Many young kids told me they wanted to create games or music because of it. And, on a personal level, because of its popularity, I have been able to help myself and many people in my life. (And, hopefully, in the future, I can help many other people because of it, too.)

So, ultimately, it’s a good thing that the game reached so many people, and I’m very, very, very, very, very, very, thankful to everyone that supported it, and everyone that helped me make it.

Thank you.

And thank you to anyone who has created fanworks for this game over the past year. I’ve been in fandoms my whole life. I drew Cave Story characters in the margins of my 7th grade history class notes. So it’s amazing to see something I created incite a similar passion in other people.

Someday, UNDERTALE will fade from people’s minds. But, I’m sure in 10 years, some kid who played UNDERTALE will create a game that surpasses it…

I look forward to playing that.

Tomorrow, on UNDERTALE’s anniversary, let’s have a fun time. I am thinking I will open the askbox, and…

Bark.

You went after me despite the fact my dad hated you.
I remember how your embrace felt like going home.
But years after….everything changed.

“I love you.”
You used to tell me this every day.
Yet you never showed it.
Like a broken record.
Maybe it was me.
Maybe it was you.
Maybe I just assumed you were telling the truth.

“I love you"is kinda overused.
Like the time you said I was the only one.
But you had another girl thinking she was the only one too.
Or the time you said “I love you” but after that you would constantly make me cry.

Honestly I loved you a lot.
Like genuinely.
But I guess it was only my heart telling the truth.
You loved the worst parts of me.
And I did love you that way too.
But I had to let you go.

Sometimes we pretend we don’t see the truth in order to drown out the hurt.
We assume the hurt is okay because we’ll rather feel this way than lose each other.
But I’m sorry.
Loving you made me unlove myself.

I want to forget you.
I want to rip you off the page of my book.
There will always be a gap in between chapters.
But hey at least you’re no longer in it.

—  The Beauty of Goodbye // Conee Berdera
My Top Anime Recommendations

1. Haikyuu!! This is about volleyball. One of my first anime obsessions. It has so much comedy tho, and a lot of salty ass bitches and APPRECIATION FOR SHORT PEOPLE. I really recommend if ur new to anime. So far, I’m pretty sure it’s over but season 4 might be coming in 2017. It’s a sports anime about volley, as I mentioned and any mention of volleyball will trigger characters. 

 2. Yuri!!! On Ice A very gay ice skating show. Most of you have probably already watched it. It makes me cry way too much. And there’s a lot of kids you might want to adopt. Basically, if you ever wanted anything from your otp, watch this show and you’ll get double of that. Disadvantage is that it raises expectations for all animes smh.

 3. Tokyo Ghoul THIS IS THE SADDEST AND MOST BAD ASS ANIME EVER. Honestly, it made me so so so so upset. I cried a lot. But it’s like super cool. It has gruesome parts and a lot of things that might trigger suicidal people, those who hurt themselves or those who’ve been abused. If blood makes you uncomfortable, don’t watch. Other than that, it’s actually got a great plot and story and characters are amazingly developed. There’s a guy who’s slightly deranged tho, and a drag queen but those details can be skipped over. 

 4. Charlotte The reason I like this is because there’s a badass girl in this like what the fUck. They have supernatural powers and it’s cool BC the main character actually misused them like all the time it’s hilarious but later on he becomes so amazing and he’s so ffing domeSTIC AND CUTE. Also he’s very salty  AND OMG TE FINALE WAS AMAZING LIKE THE GUY, HE IS SO FUCKING COOL IT HAD ME CRYING SO HARD DEFFO ONE OF THE BESTEST ANIME

5. Bungou Stray Dogs Literally you will fall in love with the main character so fast lmao. Suicide mentions like, constantly. At first, it’s supposed to be humor but in the second season; the arc of one of the characters is so good and will explain why he mentions suicide so much. AGAIN WITH THE HUMOR. And unlike other supernatural animes I’ve watched, this one doesn’t make people with powers the bad guys. They’re very appreciated. 

6. Boku Dake Ga Inai Machi / Escape The plot is amazing. Made me cry a lot. The characters are great. Basically, it’s about how this guy goes back in time to prevent things from happening and oh mY GOSH ITS GREAT. 

7. Ajin 

Another super cool supernatural one. definitely worth it. Graphics are great and so are the characters. Its ongoing and the second season is about to end. you’ll seriously feel love/hate

 8. Free! Any mention of water will make main character strip. Quite gay. I haven’t watched all of it but I’m about to finish it in a few episodes. Again, this is good for anime beginners. Also, trigger warning for those who’re afraid of drowning.

9. K. That’s literally what it’s called. I think it stands for Kings but yeah. It’s also really good and it’s about head clans that are looking for a colorless king who can transfer into different people ad make them do awful things so they get targeted by the different clans (blue, red, etc)

10. Mob Psycho 100 ~ THIS IS A MUST WATCH. I keep adding new animes I know but this is important. It’s humor is on point, unexpected twists are everywhere. The characters are lovable and it’s really good for beginner supernatural anime. It’ll make you cry and laugh.

BONUS : DEATH NOTE. Okay, the plot is incredible. Things that you won’t be able to think of and they’ll leave you mind blown. Characters are human af like it’s supernatural but everything is so natural, like the nature of people. Warning: like, everyone dies. Don’t get too attached to characters. But yeah, it’s an old anime and has 37 episodes in total I think, but it’s super good!!

That’s about my top 10 (plus one bonus)

hey. hey. hey--

i would like to challenge all of you, right now, to look up your five favorite writers/page over to your five most recent fave fics and leave a comment. tell that writer what you like about them, or just that you enjoy the things they create. quote your favorite line, your favorite part of a fic, the thing you’ve reread over and over. thank them. throw in some emojis. you can do it anonymously if you want! or not! but comments are so important for writers and honestly, we could all use some positivity and kindness spread around right now.

some examples/suggestions:

  • “hello! i love your fic ____, especially the part where _____. Thanks for writing!”
  • “i enjoy the things you make, thanks for that”
  • “______ part of your fic made me laugh/cry/get a boner/have to lie down in a dark room for an hour.”
  • “NICE”
  • “I liked reading this more than frogs like damp mud.”
  • “ “______” from your fic ______ was so good, nice job!”
  • “this fic made my grandmother rise from the dead to wreak havoc on my terrible soul, it was sick, thank you”
the best parts of the dream thieves (featuring me crying pt. 2)

part one

- “Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war” 

- Ronan’s second secret #gay

- Gansey: “i would have thought you had more muscles. Don’t feminist have big muscles?” i just want to punch him can someone please punch him

- gansey calling ronan an incredible creature #gay 

- “The elderly made ronan anxious” bitch me too!!!

- Ronan wanting to race kavinsky in the pig and adam is like dude no there is like 5 people in here we weigh too much and ronan goes: “noah doesn’t count” “Hey!” “You’re dead!” i love these nerds

- Gansey: “am I in your dreams?” Ronan: “Oh yes, baby” i hate him jsjksksk

- “Ronan sometimes dreamt of Adam, too” #gay

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