this part in the books always makes me cry

Why   /part 2/

Part one


I didn’t know what to expect upon first meeting Soryu. Initially, I thought he was scary, and cold. Well, I know now to never judge a book by its cover. Soryu is, or was, the perfect man for me. I loved waking up to see his face and cooking him omelets in the morning. Just spending a few minutes or sometimes hours chatting away and never getting bored. Seeing him smile…makes my heart cry out in joy. He never proposed, but I always guessed it was right around the corner. Until…he started acting weird. It was little things at first, like forgetting to say ‘I love you’ when we parted ways or not helping me here and there when I needed it. But then he would be away from home over a few days unexpectedly and never explain why. I always assumed that it was because of work. Then I felt his love disappear. The way he looks at me, it doesn’t look like a look of love. Before, I could see his eyes light up and his entire face would just glow. Now, he just gives me these dull expressions. I thought I was just imagining it, so I ignored it. He stopped saying ‘I love you’ completely, even after I’d say it, he’d just smile and/or nod. It felt fake, forced. I figured that we just weren’t having enough sex, but anytime we did it he just seemed…bored. No matter what I tried or how often I tried, I just couldn’t get that spark from him. I was scared I was losing him…scared that one day he’d go out and tell me that he doesn’t love me and never did. By that point, I was just waiting for my heart to be broken, hoping that maybe I was wrong and misinterpreting all the signs. The thing about hope is…sometimes it’s suffocating, paralyzing even. You hang on to this one believe, not realizing that the cold hard truth would be better. The longer you hold onto hope, the more it’ll hurt when it’s gone. I stayed hopeful for too long. I’m too optimistic, I really should’ve known better.

A couple days ago, I was working a night shift with Chisato. I wasn’t really focused on work, too busy worrying about Soryu and hanging on hope. She noticed my behavior quickly, and told me to go ahead home. I really didn’t want to, who lets their emotions get in front of their job? Reluctantly, I went back to our place. I didn’t expect him to be home, and I most certainly did not expect him to be on our bed, dancing in the sheets with some chick. They didn’t notice me, or they seemed like they didn’t. But to be fair, I didn’t say anything. I didn’t make my presence known. I was just so surprised I could barely breathe. The girl he was with…was absolutely beautiful. Strawberry blonde hair and baby blue eyes, he looked completely enthralled by her beauty. After I had gotten a good look at my replacement, I knew I no longer was needed. I knew Soryu had found someone special to him, and it wasn’t me. I left silently, not wanting to disturb the lovebirds. 

After that it’s…kinda all just a big blur. I remember walking around the area feeling numb. I somehow ran into Baba and next thing I know I’m wrapped in a blanket being consulted by him and Ota. I didn’t tell them the full story, just how I was feeling and why I didn’t want to go back home. Ota generously gave me his bed to sleep in and Baba got me some food. Don’t know where he got it from, but I remember it tasting really good. They kept saying Soryu was ‘gonna get it’ when they saw him again, but I’m pretty sure I convinced them to not be so hasty. Even though I was an emotional wreck at the time, they stayed with me. Those guys…they really are my best friends. I never knew they cared so much, it made me feel so happy. Up until now, I’ve just been hoping back and forth between Ota’s and Baba’s place. I even spent a day with Mamoru when those two were busy. I know Mamoru doesn’t know what happened, but he was being less rude to me that day. I guess…they’re all like my overprotective brothers. Now, I’ve finally decided to officially move on. I was planning on taking all my stuff out of our room and going back to my old place. Baba had informed me that Soryu would be gone for a while so this would be a good time to get everything together. But once I entered this room for the first time I…froze. I sat on the same bed they made love in, that we used to make love in, and cried. Once I started I couldn’t stop. I just stared in that mirror and became lost in my own thoughts. I kept asking myself…Why? Out of all the questions I had, that one was the most important. Why did he do it? Then…you showed up and here I am, telling you how hell has been.

I tried to smile at my little joke at the end, but instead I ended up sighing as I snuggled up closer to Eisuke. He squeezed me a little tighter and wiped some of the tears spilling from my eyes. Eisuke really is nice…I used to think the bidders were all cold hearted jerks, but they’re all really caring. He kissed the top of my head and instead of pulling away, I looked up at him.

“Thank you…for being here and listening” I whispered. He smiled at me, with a real genuine smile, not his usual overconfident smirk. We stared at each other for a while, then I noticed his face slowly get closer to mine. ‘Is…is he going to kiss me?’ He is…isn’t he? ‘Did I want to kiss him?’ Despite what my mind said, I leaned in closer and closed my eyes.

Suddenly, before our lips connected, I heard the door fly open. Out of instinct, I opened my eyes and attempted to jump up, but Eisuke kept a firm grip on my waist. I was just about to scold him when I heard a voice say my name at the door. My heart stopped.

“Soryu…” I whispered, searching his face for any emotion. He appeared cold and serious standing at the door frame, just like the first time we meet.

“Soryu” Eisuke said, spitting out venom and angrily glaring at his friend.

“…Eisuke” Soryu said. He looked so intimidating, it sent shivers down my spine. Where was my kind, sweet, loving, and loyal Soryu? I want him back…I desperately want him back. I felt Eisuke leave my side and walk up to him.

“Eisuke…!” I whisper shouted. The last thing I needed right now was for the two of them to fight. I couldn’t forgive myself if I was the reason they were no longer friends.

“Now, now…” Eisuke said in an even voice. “Soryu and I just need to talk…” Before I could protest further he grabbed Soryu by the collar and threw him back, exiting the room and closed the door behind him. Once again, I was left in the darkness.


Please don’t expect part 3(if I’m even doing a part three) to be out as fast as this was…

Today I got the attention
for to travel around tension,
and find my memo-memories
flying on a trick
down trick,
that makes me almost chose the leash,
the border
of a white risk.
today no dreamins
means no oportunities here,
wait, wait to see.
We always live
and leave
just to cry
for what we don’t believe,
we are all magic
getting a desease
chasing medicines,
a long medicines list
making us
forget the clarity of what we have to treat.

My brain is full time waiting for me,
it wanned to be controle
but I forget about it,
I guess the human knows it.
yeah, we ignore it.

and demons fuck us.


ROSES

5

The Selection series has been with me for only three years, and they’re very special. Actually, they’re a helluva lot. These are the books I always get back to when things aren’t quite nice, when real life strikes me hard. They are the ones that always put a smile on my face, no matter how sad they make me feel when I get to the end, or how much I cry for the characters. It is all part of the journey, and when I think about them, it’s smiling. They’re like my best friends, and I’m very grateful for them. Kiera Cass, I appreciate you.

I know this might seem exaggerate to most of you, but The Foxhole Court changed me as a person. I find myself crying again for everything it’s making me feel. It suddenly became a very important part of my life, it caught me off guard, it gave me hope, it made me make plans for my future (I’m getting informed on how to become a foster mother when I have a house of my own). It inspired me in ways no other book ever could. It made me understand so many things about people, about friendship, about loyalty, about family. It made me question things I never even thought about. 

It is now - and probably always will be - a very important part of me. And I’m so grateful I had the chance to read it. I feel honoured. I’ll never forget it. 

Thank you @korakos. I’m surely not the first to thank you and I won’t be the last. And I’m sorry I don’t have enough words to express how seriously honoured I feel. Thank you for sharing the Foxes with us. Thank you for broadening my views. I’ll tresure it forever. Thank you!