this one amused me

How Dan and Phil probably broke up #19
  • Dan: *walks into something and trips*
  • Phil: baby can't you see
  • Dan:
  • Phil: yoU'Re fALLinG
Human Sayings are Weird

We have a lot of weird expressions.  Some are anachronistic, having come from a time and place that no longer exists, leaving us with a phrase that seems to have no context; one of these would be to “bite the bullet”, which referred to the practice of literally biting down on a bullet (or a piece of would) while someone operated on you/seared a wound shut, to keep yourself from screaming too much or biting your mouth and hurting yourself.  In an era of much more precise surgeries and anesthesia, the context no longer exists, but the phrase is still used.

Then there are phrases that are deliberately hyperbolic.  “I’m going to tan your hide”. for example, is a descriptive way to tell someone you’re going to beat them, but odds are good you’re not literally going to be tanning their hide.

So I was thinking that a group of enterprising aliens would form a betting pool around certain words and phrases; you can bet whether phrases are anachronistic, literal, or hyperbolic, and then the pool pays out when the phrase is confirmed one way or another.  

Which brought me to an amusing little scene in my head.

———

Malchior 7 was an incredibly hostile planet.  All the local flora and fauna had self-defense features that would kill most species.  It was advised, if you were determined to visit, to wear full haz-mat suits and bring at least one human.  Most dangerous of all were the dominant species, a carnivorous form of primate with near-sapient intelligence, clever enough to use tools and form societies, but either not intelligent enough or too violent to have dialog with outside races.

So when a scouting party was ambushed by a large warband of these primates, the alien members fled in terror, only realizing about twenty paces down the path that the humans were standing and fighting.  Their hazmat suits were already ripped from the beasts’ claws, and their guns hand been knocked from their hands, but the humans still fought, wresting the primates’ weapons from their hands and turning them on their creators.  One of the humans managed to get a firm grip on the ankle of one of the beasts, and began slinging him back and forth, using the primate as a flail to slam into his cohorts.

One of the aliens let out a warble of delight, hurriedly pulling out its comm device and beginning to record, while simultaneously opening a codex page and beginning to type.

“Gor’thax, this is hardly the time!”

“You don’t understand.  I am about to make SO.  MUCH.  PROFIT.”  The alien uploaded the footage to the codex, with the title “[VIDEO PROOF - LITERAL PHRASE] “I’m going to beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker.”“

you know how there’s usually like a common trend for self-inserts/ocs in fandoms? like pjo oc’s are usually demigods and steven universe oc’s are gems?

i like the idea of dirk gently oc’s being rowdies

because honestly yes the logical choice would be for ocs to be blackwing subjects in general- no limitations to the type of psychic powers and whatever you can give em then

but imagine if every single person in the fandom made their own rowdy oc, who hangs out with the rowdy 3 by default, and every time someone makes one and adds to the rowdies their name becomes more inaccurate and ridiculous

the rowdy 3 come to town and it’s 2000 punks clambering out of a small van like it’s a clown car

Take The Trade: Part 1

Author: @sincerelystiles
Pairing: Dylan x Reader
Word Count: 2,836

Warning: THIS IS VERY SINFUL OH DEAR LORD

A/N: big fuckin thanks to the girls for encouraging me to finish this and being super supportive. i’ve been working on this for the longest time and it’s finally here, so enjoy mother fuckers x x

LISTEN TO THIS ON REPEAT!!!!


Originally posted by gabalecki


I throw the phone onto the couch, groaning in annoyance and stomping my feet like a child as I wander to the kitchen, huffing once more to catch Dylan’s attention. “What’s wrong?” He asks, his back still turned to me as he assorted popcorn and candy into different plastic tubs.

My shoulders slouch and I climb onto the island, crossing my legs and pulling an unsatisfied face. “Everyone’s busy, they can’t make it.” I grumble under my breath with furrowed eyebrows. Friday night was game night, everyone came over to my place to eat junk food, play stupid board games and get completely wasted. But, everyone decided they’d be busy this week, which couldn’t have been any more inconvenient.

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Honestly, one of the greatest moments in LGBT history was when Precious Bisexual Angel Kenny Omega overthrew Homophobic Redneck AJ Styles to become the leader of Bullet Club, and I don’t think we celebrate it enough.

So my dad told me that there was going to be a heat wave in my area tomorrow and possibly the next day and the first damn thing I think is “Well of course, you gotta celebrate the hottest person’s birthday with the hottest day” and then I just imagined Oikawa saying that and Iwaizumi just throwing a chair or some shit at him like gdi why are you like this

limerence: clumsy → 1

pairing: zach dempsey / reader

genre: part one in a drabble series called ‘limerence’ about boyfriend!zach 

about: not only did you literally stumble into zach, but into his heart as well. 


Your first day at a brand new school couldn’t be going better. You had single-handedly managed to rip your brand new silk dress, lose your class schedule, and make 0 friends in a span of less than 4 hours. 

“What kind of shit is this?” You thought to yourself as you searched the sea of students in the crowded hall for a friendly face, finding none. You needed to ask someone to show you where the science hall was and help you open your locker, but no one seemed to want to give you the time of day. 

There was a tedious familiarity of standing alone in a crowded space, watching people pass you by and feeling like you were merely an object strategically placed to display teenage normalcy. 

The end of lunch was fast approaching and standing feeling sorry for yourself was getting old. With newfound determination you bobby pinned the strap of your dress back on, put the loose tendrils of your hair behind your ear, and murmured a soft, “you got this, kid,” under your breath. 

You had spotted a girl dressed in a vivid daffodil colored sundress and you made a beeline straight towards her. Consumed by your sudden sense of purpose and thoughts of how she looked like a beacon of light in the cold murky waters that was the student body, you hadn’t noticed a certain tall basketball player was about to cross your path. 

With a small gasp of surprise you butted straight into his side, swaying backwards and tripping over your feet. A small groan of defeat left your lips as a small ache developed on the bridge of your nose. 

“Hey are you okay?” 

His voice was like deep, rich, smooth chocolate and laced with such genuine concern that it almost seemed to quell the dull twinge of pain on your face. Wanting to see if such an alluring voice had an equally alluring face you looked up and damn it did. 

You could feel your eyes involuntarily widening and the once leisure pace of your beating heart turn rapid. You swept over the gorgeous expanse of his face, committing the slope of his nose and the smooth flesh of his pout to memory in case you never had another chance to be at such close proximity to him. 

“Not trying to be rude, but i’m pretty sure we lost this staring contest a long time ago.” His words brought you back to reality and an uncontrollable blush coated your cheeks, you were sure he could feel the burning heat of them. 

“Actually you lost, i’ve been staring for how long?” Is all you could muster, trying to mask your embarrassment with humor. The beautiful stranger let out a small chuckle, a sound so lovely it brought a smile to your face.

“So long I think you broke a record just now,” he responds playing along. “The dudes from guinness world records should be here any minute now.” 

You pretend to look around the halls in search for them. “Good. They’re not here yet, I still have time to prepare my acceptance speech.” You both laugh at your comment and you can’t help the bubbling giddiness you feel from the silly exchange of words with him. “You’re funny, whats your name?” 

“Y/n.”

“Nice. I’m Zach.” You had never thought a name could be this hot until now. Wanting to prolong your time with him, get your stupid locker open, and get to at least one class without being late you asked, “Well Zach, besides helping me break world records would you mind helping me with the glorious task of opening my locker and taking me to the science hall? You will be rewarded generously.” 

His coffee brown eyes look off into the distance, pretending to ponder over your offer. “Lead the way.”

Your lips turn up in a content smile, walking over to your locker with a spring in your step. “My combination is 0-8-24.” 

You watch as his lithe fingers spin over the lock, opening it on the first time with a satisfying click. “There you go.”

You try not to gape at how quickly and simply he opened it, you had stood there before for a good 10 minutes without any luck. “I swear I know how to open lockers, this one just didn’t like me.” 

He smiles amused at how adorably your eyebrows furrowed, expressing your distaste at the rusty blue locker. “Well now that this is opened, whats my reward?”

He takes a flirtatious tone, insinuating that he has a certain something in mind. 

“Well that depends, what do you want?” Your words come out breathy as he steps closer to you. He laughs lightly at the sudden change in your tone, the once ringing voice now soft-spoken. 

“A date,” he responds in an indifferent tone that is more suited to say just buying some stuff or gonna go out for a walk. You raise your eyebrow at his request, faking your cool composure. 

“Take me to the science hall and submit a one page essay about why I should and I might just consider it.” 


hello! this is the first time i’ve ever put one of my works out there and i’d really appreciate any feedback anyone has :-) 

stars

Double Take | Part 2 | PETER PARKER X READER

Description: After Peter realizes that he likes the reader, Ned tells him that the only way for him to start acting normal around her again is for him to tell her. This is proven to be difficult because Peter being, well Peter, is unable to muster up the courage to do so. Instead, the reader’s friendly neighborhood Spiderman pays her a visit.

Author’s Note: So I was lying earlier when I said that part 2 would be the last part. I’m notoriously bad at wrapping up stories though so this shouldn’t be surprising to me really. Anyways I’d like to give a special thanks to @lunastarwatcher​ for bouncing ideas with me and as always I hope you enjoy this fic.

Word Count: 2263

Part 1| Part 3


“So (Y/N),” Ned drawled out as he sat down across from his friends at their lunch table. “Peter tells me that there’s a boy you’re trying to impress.”

(Y/N) put her water bottle down and looked at Peter, who was sitting to the right of Ned. “And you wonder why I refused to tell you his name,” she said with a smug smile.

“That among other reasons,” Michelle mumbled under her breath, but not quiet enough that (Y/N) couldn’t hear her.

“Michelle,” (Y/N) said in a warning tone.

She waved her hand dismissively. “Yea, Yea, I’m not going to say anything.”

Peter looked at Michelle with a raised eyebrow “Wait, you know who he is?” She nodded absentmindedly, turning the page of her book. “You told her and not me?” Peter asked (Y/N) shocked.

(Y/N) snorted. “Are you really surprised Pete? I already told you that you can’t keep a secret so…”

“I too can keep a secret,” Peter retorted in a small voice, not looking (Y/N) in the eye.

Ned raised his hand and patted Peter on the back. “I can vouch for him (Nickname). He can keep secrets. You’d be surprised.”

Peter sat up straight and looked over at Ned with a smile. “That’s literally exactly what I said,” he said, raising his hand enthusiastically for a high-five.

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thedooms  asked:

Dudes, chill. Besides, I bet Bendy has plenty of dames throwing themselves at a star/superhero like him! Maybe

“…Did I miss somethin’?” -BTDD