this morning i realized

here’s a post about how terrible 2011-2013 tumblr was for those of u who weren’t there/want to Reminisce with me because i’ve seen so many people post about how they miss the Old Tumblr and this morning i was thinking about how much i can just. not relate

i think i’ve been on this website for like almost 8 years now (8 in october) so i joined when i was like.. 12? and really started making Friends and being in a “blogging clique” with all the “humor blogs” when i was like 13 or 14. and this website was possibly the most toxic thing i’ve ever come across still in my 20 years of being alive. the entire humor blogging clique had its own little subcliques, everyone usually just talked via skype or something because we didn’t have these little. pop up. DM things that we do now i guess. anyways i think a majority of the bloggers around this time were in the age range of 14-17 and there were a few who were 18+ that mostly like, kept within themselves but there were some who were very predatory (and my 13 year old Dumb Ass dated one of these people for four years and actually met up with him irl) and off the top of my head i can name probably.. 5 or 6 and i think there’s still a list floating around somewhere from two years ago when a few people called these people out which caused most if not all of them to deactivate. anyways these people were actively sending unsolicited nudes to multiple people/begging underage people for nudes/manipulating underage people to do skype video calls they didn’t want to do/etc.. it was a terrible time tbh

i only really came into contact with two of the people 5/6 people i can think of and one (the obvious one) caused me lots of anxiety and emotional trauma that i still deal with a lot. i’m just gonna talk about my personal experiences because i don’t wanna bring up anyone else’s because it was such a shitty awful time. but the really Big experience that came to mind this morning when i was thinking about it was when f*****t and i were dating on and off (i still follow a lot of people who i was friends with around this time. sorry u guys had to endure this with me) and we would get into very public arguments on tumblr and make very passive aggressive posts toward each other. mind u i was probably 14 or 15 at this time maybe and F is five years older than me so he was 19 or 20. and a little backstory is that i have never….. been a sexual person. not now that i’m an adult and especially not back 5 years ago when i was a child. i’m still not sure exactly what i am but most of the time i’ll identify as asexual and i think a lot of what happened with F is a contributor to that. but he would basically guilt me into sending him explicit pictures/nudes (at………14/15…….when he was…..19/20…..) because if i didn’t then he would cheat on me and blame it on me because “i know how he is and if he doesn’t get it from me then he has to get it from someone else” and this was also the same with sexting/phone sex/etc. but this relates to what i was talking about earlier because when we would get into these arguments, he would threaten to post them. all the time. and F had a very large following because he had a “rare URL” and was a skinny white dude so obviously people were all over him in 2012. and the grossest part about him threatening to post this stuff is that he actually… had people backing him on it and encouraging him. like encouraging him to post child pornography of his underage girlfriend. and that’s mostly what i’m getting at with this like 2011-2013 was all about the Shock value and everyone would literally work together to try and actively ruin someone in a very serious and harmful way just because it was funny and dramatic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO like the biggest poster child of this blogging era which were burn blogs aka blogs “anonymous” people made and it was used to collect anonymous asks insulting people and submissions of more mostly underage bloggers nudes. like these blogs were literally created to belittle and degrade and “expose” people and people fucking loved it for some twisted reason. and these blogs popped up every week or so and lasted anywhere from a few minutes to a few days before the person who made it deleted it because tumblr mods didn’t and still don’t give a shit about their users. anyways

along with these ^ there were the racist jokes and liberal use of the N word and the antisemitic holocaust jokes and sexist jokes etc. 

i don’t know how some of u miss that blogging era because this one is….. so much better. reblog a dog and a discourse meme and ur good

when i’m starting to hope for any fragment of reconciliation seeing how yona has matured and hak in his way to do so SOO WON UNEXPECTEDLY IS THE ONE TO SCREW IT UP

well, he has his reasons but what does that mean kusanagi? They gonna have a go? Finally fight against each other for real? Is that your final step toward true understanding or tragic end?? If this proceed then we are to stand on a crossroad soon.

still feel like I wanna quit my damn job but I remembered I get money for it and decided to tough it out at least until Friday . I biked home through Astoria at 8 am on a sunny morning and it was beautiful and I realized I’ve been in New York for pretty much six months

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earth c


this was supposed to be a valentine’s drawing but i immediately hated it about an hour in so uh

i finished it before i could no longer bear to look at it

+ close up because i spent time on drawing that grass just to blur it

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“In the evenings, before I went to sleep, & in the mornings, in the moment I woke up, I realized I was praying for rain.”  

― Makoto Shinkai, The Garden of Words

i think this year only taught me to love the smallest things. okay. okay. so the world is trying to kill us. so the world has succeeded in a few cases.

but in the shower this morning i realized that little girls are going to dress up as ghostbusters this year for halloween. that we have a movie where women save the day and don’t need to look pretty. 

okay. so a human pile of excrement is our republican candidate. but target, lifeblood of my middle-aged mom side - target took a stand for trans rights even though they didn’t have to. ben and jerry’s came out in full and explicit support of black lives matter. small things, i think to myself. how many people stood in the florida heat to give blood in the wake of the orlando shooting. how many people donated time and money to the victims, how the hospitals refused to charge the victims. 

it’s the small things. hamilton sweeps the tony’s with a cast of diverse actors and actresses. pokemon go gives people the chance to make friends and embrace nature. disney responds to public demand, makes mulan right and promises to cast all chinese actors. 

sometimes it’s us. us, our small bodies, just little atoms of resistance, sick of the way things are going, promising ourselves to the void. my school at umass amherst responds to the idea of a clown killer by dressing up in hockey equipment and threatening to hurt anyone who would hurt us; i watch frat boys form teams to get girls home safe just in case. i watch our generation flood the streets after police killings, i watch our footprints refuse to backtrack. i watch peace rallies, christians forming protective rings around muslims praying, young girls demanding better from double standards, protests that swell the streets. 

i think: okay. the storm is trying to swallow us. but we are somehow staying. more than lighthouse, we are the waves, picking up in the face of the wind, laughing, asking the world to keep throwing things at us because we only grow, we only survive, and we still make good out of terrible; carve it out of our own bodies if we have to; but we do it.

we make good. we make good. and it’s pretty incredible.

my brain, 2am : smh fuckin go to sleep
me : sSHUT UP i need them cuddling right HERE and NOWHH

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Rhett and I have the same outfit on today – woo! – Uh, usually if we’re carpooling, I pick him up, he comes out with the same outfit sometimes, or same shirt, and then he goes right back in and changes shirts – go back inside – but we drove separate today, so we get all the way into work and here we are, dressed the same. [x]

I’m chasing a ghost
A feeling that’s haunted me for years 
Every time I get close it’s gone

Am I living a lie?
Well, maybe I just expect too much
Maybe it’s time I try for more 

 I will tear my sky
To make it through the night
I will take back my pride
And live while I breathe, live while I breathe 

I will move the ground 
I will pull the curtains down 
Wear my fist on my sleeve
And live while I breathe, live while I breathe 

(x)

i woke up this morning and realized NOBODY HAD ASKED ME TOP FIVE THINGS PHICHIT LIKES ABOUT HIS SMOL ANXIOUS BOYCHILD and I stared up at the ceiling and shook my head

ANYWAY NOBODY HAS ASKED BUT I’M GONNA DO IT ANYWAY: THE MEG STORY

1. The difference between Public Yuri, who is kind of reserved and haughty looking and goes his way through his crowds of admirers like a majestic stag carrying his heavy crown of antlers through the mists of the forest, and Private Yuri, who trips over thin air, cries over shitty Russian cartoons he thinks maybe Victor Nikiforov may have watched, and in general acts like a newborn fawn terrified of the hard, cold world around him. 

2. How, when Yuri is tired and hungry, he gets really, really quiet, and when he says anything it’s just an unending stream of salt about people he doesn’t like, and when you give him a granola bar and a place to sit down quietly, he falls asleep like a cranky two year old, his cheeks flushed with temper and exhaustion, still holding the half eaten granola bar.

3. If you catch him just at the right mood and moment, he will sit down on the couch with you and let you cuddle him for hours and watch The King and the Skater and the sequels without a word about them, and also he’s very warm and always slightly soft and very comfortable, even in the middle of competition season.His hair smells nice, too.

(3a. Victor Nikiforov discovers this, only with shitty Russian dramas, and keeps sending Phichit baffled texts like how is he so beautiful????? look at his haaaanddddd and sending Phichit closeups of the beautiful curve of Yuri’s sleeping hand on Victor’s chest.)

4. They did community service at a shelter and Yuri went down under an actual tsunami of dog and stayed there for like two hours, laughing and talking Japanese babytalk. There was a pitbull. The pitbull tried to adopt Yuri. 

5. Yuri skates out to the center of the ice, takes a deep breath in, and begins to skate. Every time, Phichit swears to God he sees wings on his back. 

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Hello friends!

Studying for long important exams like the DAT (me (’: ), the MCAT, or even the SAT/ACT requires a lot of time budgeting! Today I was scheduling DAT studying for the next 20 days, and I realized that a progress percentage chart would be really useful  for me because it would allow me to plan goals such as “finish a 1084-page review book” or “watch 46 chemistry videos from the video playlist” long-term! It’s hard to put long arduous tasks like these onto a daily or even weekly schedule - for me, they seem to work better when measured by %-finished.

I made this to use for myself this morning, and then realized that it might be useful for some of you out there, too! So I’ve uploaded it to google drive so you all can use it if it will be helpful in your studies. They come in blue, pink, yellow, and grayscale (for black-and-white printing): >>DOWNLOAD HERE<<

EDIT: I’ve gotten a suggestion from a very nice anon to make the background white so the printable does not use as much ink when printed in color! >>HERE<< is the link the white-background version on GDrive :)

To use this chart, I filled out specific goals on the left hand column and colored in the progress bar in the right in accordance with the percentage of the task or goal I had finished. I also marked dates next to the progress bar so I knew when I should have finished 50%, or 75%, or 100% of a task, etc. Here’s a pic of how I used it:

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