this may not live for long

おめでとう


Congratulations Mamo & UtaPri!  Right in time for UtaPri’s anniversary, bit too late for Mamo’s birthday, but here we go! 

I’ve always liked the duality between Mamo and Tokiya, that gray zone between Seiyuu and Character. Mamo’s the only one during the UtaPri Lives that gets to perform as both himself and Tokiya. And during the 5th Live the difference between him and Tokiya is reflected in his outfit as well. I’ve been wanting to draw Mamo and Tokiya in one picture for a long time now, and fuelled by the 6th live hype, I got the idea a few weeks back. First time drawing a real person more cartoony. Eep.

I actually drew the 6th Live version earlier, before I got this idea. Please check that one out as well.

You may not upload this picture on other websites, alter, edit or claim it as your own in any way. 

Personal message under the cut.

Keep reading

with all this recent exposure to mental illness in kpop, i’ve really been thinking. i’ve realized that in a lot of these cases, idols suffering from mental illness isn’t made aware until a certain breaking point is attained. they could harbor all these destructive thoughts and feelings for who knows how long, but still look at their fans with the brightest, most beautiful smiles on their faces, more or less pretending that everything is peachy. this is despite the public scrutiny they constantly face, despite the hateful comments they’re constantly receiving, and despite whatever other tribulation they may be facing in their personal lives. so, it’s dejecting to know that since mental illness is so stigamized in their society, that they’re too terrified to say anything publicly for the longest period of time. this could most likely be attributed to the fear of feeling ostracized, but maybe they are just simply aren’t allowed to say anything in the first place. i really don’t know. either way, it honestly breaks my fucking heart that more often than not mental illness isn’t really given a second thought until it is thrown explicitly in our faces.

anonymous asked:

What if your entire life you were only ever attracted to boys/men and never remember ever feeling that way towards men/women but after learning that LGBT exists and you meet a girl who you have known for a long time and have gone through many things together and you start to have strong feelings towards her? But I only considered liking women after discovering LGBT exists so I feel like my feelings towards this girl may not be real :(

discovering your sexuality after delving into the lgbt community doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real!! a lot of people find out their sexuality through other lgbt people, because for many their exposure to lgbt people growing up is either non existent or very negative, so seeing other lgbt ppl live openly and happily can make you realize feelings you weren’t acknowledging before. 

also, you can have genuine feelings for this girl and still be attracted to men. your feelings are still valid even if you’ve only liked boys before, there’s nothing wrong with liking men and women!!! 

SKAM (2015-2017)

this may be the end of this show but it will stay with me as long as i live. it has made me more secure in my sexuality, made me feel stronger as a woman and has made me learn another beautiful language and i will be forever grateful. this show educated me about mental illness and religion in a way either school or society have been able to do. because of this skam has made me a better person.

this show has made me feel that i am worthy of love for the first time in my life by showing people, REAL people, with the same struggles as me being loved deeply by others and seeing that has honestly saved me.

these stories will live on forever in my heart and these characters will always be with me. I have loved every minute experiencing this with all of you and i am so sad to now say goodbye. in a parallel universe we’re together for all time, remember that.

i’m gonna end my love letter to you guys and the show by reminding you all to never forget the lessons we learned.

be kind, always. you are good enough. somebody else’s opinion isn’t more important than yours. you are not alone. ALT ER LOVE.

Every time a police officer murders an unarmed black man the contrasting responses between the black and white community speak volumes. Whites will attribute it to A, B, C, D and place the burden on the victim for not obeying orders; they will pull out every excuse before reluctantly admitting racism may have played a part in it. Black people, all too familiar with this treatment for as long as the United States has existed, will zero in on the real issue here: the systemic targeting of their communities by law enforcement. If only whites stopped grasping at straws for ways to justify police officers and just listened and actively supported those who have experienced this oppression for generations in their fight for reforming the entire criminal justice system there would be hope for true, progressive change.

So. Healing Powers.

I know, I know, the Homeworld political intrigue is pretty freaking cool. Rose was endorsed, and/or possibly impersonated?? By a diamond??? Crazy stuff. But I wanted to take a slight detour from that and take a look at Steven/Rose’s cool reviving power.

To start, let’s think of the ramifications of Lars’ new hue. He doesn’t feel tired, hungry, or physically limited in any way, even denying food after having “not eaten in days”, according to Steven. His heartbeat is notably slow, and if you go back and listen, it’s not your typical two beats–it’s one. I’m not sure what that means, but–and I’m just spitballing here–it could mean that Lars and Lion are, in fact, a kind of zombie. No, not your “rrrraaagh brains” zombie, but for all intents and purposes, Lars and Lion aren’t strictly… alive. They’re just kinda… magic’d into peudo-life. Whatever that means. The details of Lars’ new state are pretty fuzzy from here–we’re kinda in some new territory. 

So here, have a couple fun theories that may or may not be right!

-Lars will end up getting sweet portal powers. Lion can create them, and has presumably been through the same process as Lars. Perhaps this is how Lars and the Off Color gems get back to Earth? Or will Lars get other cool powers?

-Lars could possibly be–unless killed again–immortal. Yeah, this one’s kindof a stretch, but we don’t really know how old Lion is. If he’s been around for millennia, then Lars could live that long too. If not, then we just won’t know until Rebecca confirms it somehow. 

And finally, check out this cool thing I noticed (and you probably did too):

Notice the trees? They correspond with where their revived being lives. Lion’s tree is one you’d find in the savanna, and Lars’ is one you’d find in Beach City. Besides being a cool little detail, it might be another little glimpse at how this “pocket dimension” works.

Anyway, that’s my two cents on this whole thing. If I’m missing any cool little pieces of evidence or if anyone else has something to add, feel free to add on!

10

hidden box : jihoon & jonghyun

  • native english speakers: happy birthday xo
  • eastern europeans: May our Lord in Heaven bless you on this blessed day of your birth and provide you with peace love fortune good health and prosperity may you live a long and happy life and may your great grandchildren remember you fondly
my thoughts on OITNB s5
  • That video of Alex getting her arm broken went viral. Kubra thinks that she’s dead. Could he end up seeing that video and sending someone else after her? Or maybe he’ll just try to get her arrested for Aydin’s murder.
  • Even though Daya shot Humps, it was the stroke caused by the oxygen blown into his IV by Maureen that killed him. Will an autopsy be done to determine his cause of death and prove that Daya didn’t kill him. If an autopsy is done and the police question Maureen I’m guessing that she’ll lie. The only person that can discredit her is Suzanne and she’s not exactly a reliable witness.
  • I’m not sad that Piscatella died but I would’ve liked to see him live a little longer. I wanna know if Red showing him mercy would’ve changed his perception of prisoners.
  • VAUSEMAN GOT ENGAGED
  • Last we saw Piper’s mom she was not a fan of Piper being with Alex. Will we get an explanation as to what changed her mind? Or are we to believe that she’s done caring about what other people think and just wants her daughter to be happy?
  • I know it’s not likely but I hope Maria tells the governor’s assistant that Gloria also helped with the guards’ escape. And will she get anything for breaking out the guards?
  • I’m thrilled Nicky stayed sober this season but it was only 3 days.
  • Will we ever learn how much time Alex has left?
  • If you guys haven’t seen Dreamgirls, you need to. There is a movie that came out in 2006 with a phenomenal cast. There will be no White Effies.
  • VAUSEMAN GOT ENGAGED
  • The Blanca/Red friendship is something I never could’ve imagined happening in season 1. I love seeing characters that don’t normally interact come together.
  • What will Flaca and Maritza do without each other?!
  • I was loving Taystee all season until she turned down Fig’s offer. She let down all the woman, they ended up with nothing, and because negotiations fell through, CERT went in there and abused the inmates. Never mind the fact that someone might die.
  • Alex and Piper playing house all season was so cute and adorable and perfect. This is probably their best season. AND THEY GOT ENGAGED. They both better live because I need a Vauseman wedding.
  • Speaking of Vauseman, Alex saying Vauseman gave me life.
  • I hate Leanne and Angie as much as the next person, but them burning the files may end up being helpful to the inmates. It seems like common sense for Litchfield to have electronic copies of the files but a lot of things in Litchfield don’t make sense. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were no digital copies (it’s a long shot). And the inmates don’t have their IDs. That might cause a problem when they try to check who they have.
  • With the inmates presumably being sent off to separate prisons, will the show keep them separated and take place between multiple prisons, will the show get everyone back together, or will it just take place in one of the prisons and leave the inmates not in that prison behind?
  • I really wanna know what the point of Pennsatucky and Donut’s relationship is. It’s hard to watch her fall for her rapist. What is Jenji Kohan trying to accomplish here?
  • That Poussey scene was a spot of light in what ended up being a pretty dark season.
  • VAUSEMAN GOT ENGAGED
  • Michael J. Harney was credited as a series regular this season but Healy wasn’t in a single episode. What’s up with that? (not that I missed him)
  • Mystery solved! The weeping woman is always crying because her dog got blown up by her husband.
  • Kinda curious as to why Piscatella didn’t try to capture Lorna as well, kinda don’t care. I figure it’s because she was in too public a space.
  • I always thought Leanne and Angie were just stupid, annoying meth heads. Now we now that they’re rapists. Can oitnb find someone else to be their “comedic relief”?
  • And why does this show treat rape like it’s no big deal? Angie made a comment in passing about how she’s raped guys. She and Leanne raped the strip dancer guard. Donuts raped Pennsatucky. I think the fat guard talked about how he raped someone last season. What’s wrong with this show?
  • VAUSEMAN GOT ENGAGED (I’m just really happy that they got engaged, okay? I’m trash)

Alex asks the million dollar question at the end: was the riot worth it? The characters and the audience may not be able to answer that question now since we’re still waiting to see the full aftermath, but knowing what we know do you guys think it was worth it? They set out to change the conditions in the prison and got nothing. They set out to get justice for Poussey and got nothing. But they did humanize themselves to the public. Aleida giving interviews, Flaritza’s videos, and Alex’s viral video of her arm getting broken have put faces and names to people that the public never really thinks about. Maybe Piper’s right and change will happen one person at a time and those people will work to change the system. Maybe the public can elect officials that want to reform prisons. Maybe the public will refuse to purchase products made by prisoners.

Maybe the riot was worth it because the women of Litchfield forced the world to look at them and see them as people and not as commodities or unredeemable felons. Maybe it’s worth it in the long run but it doesn’t seem like there will be much take away in the short term.

Who Did You Call!?

Three nights in a row now Keith was woken up in the middle of the night only to find Lance not in bed besides him.
Normally Keith wouldn’t be too worried about this, just whenever he asked Lance about how he slept all he got was a forced smile and a guilty “fine”.
Keith did trust Lance.
He trusted and loved him more then anyone else on this god forsaken planet.
He never even considered his boyfriend could be cheating on him until Lotor showed up.
Lance had once told Keith before they got together that his dream guy was tall, with long hair and is good looking enough to be a model.
A week ago Lotor had moved into the building.
The amazingly tall man with the body of a Greek god and the flowing white hair of a princess.
The super model that only seemed to own booty shorts and not a single shirt.
The guy that left Lance speechless just by winking at him.
Keith knew he was hot headed and tended to jump to conclusions so he tried talking it through with the most rational person he knew.
His brother Shiro.

“He’s been keeping secrets from me and sneaking around at night. I tried talking to him about it but he just won’t talk to me.” Keith whispered into his phone.
Yet again he had woken up only to find the bed empty where Lance should be.
Not knowing what else to do he called Shiro, despite it being 3am he had answered straight away.
“I don’t know what to tell you Keith.” Shiro yawned “if you think he’s cheating on you then you have to confront him, it’s better to apologise for being wrong then finding out he’s been dating guys behind your back.”
Keith nodded “yeah… first thing in the morning I will.”
“You know it’s probably nothing, I’ve never met a more loyal guy then Lance.”
Keith smiled “yeah your right, thanks Shiro.”
“No problem, night”
Keith hung up and settled back down in his pillows when he hears it.
“Hey it’s Lance again. I’m sorry I called you so late but I… I just needed you so much today.”
Keith turned over so he was face down on the pillow to try and hide the face he was crying.
———————————–

The next morning Keith could hear Lance making breakfast while he was preparing himself for the confrontation.
Right now there was no doubt in Keith’s mind that Lance was cheating on him. He took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

Keith stormed in on his boyfriend “who the hell were you calling last night?!” He demanded.
Lance jumped up when the door was slammed open “n-no one Keith I swear!” He smiled but looked guilty.


“On come on I heard you’ ‘hey it’s Lance again’ didn’t sound like no one!” Keith snapped grabbing Lance by the collar.
Lance didn’t say anything, his eyes darting to his phone laying on the couch. 
Keith dropped him picking it up, keeping his glare fixed on Lance as he redialled.
The phone rang twice before a woman’s voice came from the other side.


“Suicide hotline.”
Keith stared numbly at Lance as tears began to fall down his tanned cheeks. He hung up and tossed the phone aside.
“I… I didn’t want you to worry. I’m sorry I-”
Lance was cut off by Keith running at him and wrapping his arms around Lance like he could keep him there by pure will power.
“Oh God Lance. I’m so sorry I love you I love you so much! I’m sorry I didn’t realise! I’m sorry I thought the worse!” Keith sobbed as Lance wrapped his arms around the shorter man.
The two sank to the floor on their knees hugging and crying with each other.
“I won’t call them again, just please don’t leave me.” Lance muttered burying his face into Keith’s soft hair just taking a moment to breath in his scent.
Keith looked up at him cupping his cheeks with his hand as he kissed him on the nose.
“I will never leave you. So please don’t leave me. If you need to call them then you fucking call them as long as you tell me as well. Because I love you Lance and I can’t live without you.”
Lance sniffed “I love you too.”
———————————–
Of course that didn’t solve everything.
Lance still tried to hide how he really felt at times.
But he had a stable and loving relationship that helped make the bad days not seem so dark.
Keith was his rock and as long as he was there he may just be able to carry on.
For him.

"A LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SELF" by SOLANGE KNOWLES

there will be fear. a lot of it. there will be triumph. a lot of it. there will be constellations you want to reach for but can’t put your finger on. you will trace them like the scars on your body you got from trouble and the times of your life. you will take the long way to get to these Orions. the long way will become a theme in your life, but a journey you learn to love.

you will dive head first without looking into phases that you are certain of who you are.
some of these stages include:

  • the dance-is-life (aka “this leotard is my second skin”) phase.
  • the Bible-thumping-church-camp phase.
    (which coincided and contradicted with the Fiona-Apple-fan-club-president phase)
  • the Nas aficionado-brown-lip-liner-and-Vaseline phase.
  • the Rasta-vegan-thrifter-who-is-determined-to-marry-Brandon-Boyd phase.
  • the football-player’s-girlfriend-who-wears-braided-blond-highlights-and-swears-by-capri-pants phase.

at the time, you are searching. seeking in every corner and pocket of the world for who you are. take your time, baby girl. there’s no rush to get there. you will sow each of these chapters in the land that you become. you will see bits and pieces of them scattered into the skin you grow into. you don’t have to figure everything out now. time will reveal itself. i promise you.

sometimes you push these phases to the max, and when you go out into the world feeling confident in who you are and what you reflect, young folks will call you names and grown folks will call you names. It’s ok. one day you will name yourself, and that name will belong to you. it will not be the ones they ordained: “crazy, ugly, attention-seeking, weirdo.”

i really hate to tell you this, but sometimes you will still get called these things as an adult, except you will actually embrace some of them. you will learn that these are just words. words that only have power if you choose to give them power. every once in a while they will hurt, but you will choose to turn those words into a symbol of beauty.

speaking of words. they might just be your first love. sometimes you can write for hours, just you and the words on the pages. they make you feel understood, even if it’s just you that you’re talking to.

trust in these words, even when you’re feeling wildly insecure. hold on to your journals. cherish them. put them somewhere safe so that they may become a guide for you later, a revealer and a friend.

the lucky stars have been good to you, and there’s a long list of things you’d like to give gratitude to them for, but for now thank them for these three:

  • that you didn’t die when you and your friends drove up a steep mountain in a snowstorm with no experience and bad brakes. that was stupid as hell.
  • that you went to the ensemble theater every summer. i really don’t think you’d be who you are today had it not been for those experiences, teachers, and experimentation with your mind and body.
  • that the universe chose your mom to be your mother.

she is a wonder. you watch her drop off 3 kids at 3 different schools in the morning, pick them up in the afternoon, shuffle each of them to their designated activities, and bring them all back to the salon she owns until she closes up with the utmost grace, love, and kindness.

you realize watching a woman balance being a supportive mother, building a successful business from the ground up that was started in her garage, and giving back to the community will make you feel invincible and like the word “no” is just an echo in the universe that you’ll never know. you often take her for granted, but you know with every joint in your bones that she is a phenomenon and you strive to make her proud. you should thank her out loud more, too; tell her you value her. roll your eyes and your neck less. it’s not as cute as you think. tell her you appreciate all that she does, for she makes the impossible look effortless. she surrounds you with other black women who do the same. you study them, and will constantly think of all their stories, their beauty, their strife and their stride. they break down all of the archetypes and stereotypes that you see of black women on tv and in magazines, so you don’t trust those anymore. you thank them for re-writing the script before it was ever etched in your memory.

because you have your mama’s blood, you are fiercely independent and outgoing. you’ve been starting petitions, building tree houses, and starting clubs since as long as you can remember.

sometimes in the midst of juggling all this, you put a lot of pressure on yourself and often crash and burn. you shut down. you go into your room, lock the door, put on music, and you do not move for 8 hours straight. it will feel like the heaviest and bleakest darkness you can possibly feel, and when you ask everyone to leave you alone and let you be, what you really want to say is “i want you here” and “i need help.”

sometimes it is ok to say just that. it won’t make you less strong or less powerful. no one you love will criticize you or blame you; in fact, they will lift you up.

seventeen will be the hardest year of your life. it will grow you up almost immediately. you will lose your best friend whom you love so much to gun violence in a single moment, and give birth to a new one within a year.

you will be terrified, and it’s ok that you don’t know what the future holds. some people will count you out because of the decision you’ve made to bring another life into the world so young, but you made the decision out of love and will live with the decision in love.

soon enough you will learn how to love and how to exist with love in ways that you never knew. you will learn how to love yourself and how to empathize with and forgive those who may have taken a bit of that pure love away from you.

you have a long life ahead of you, and i’ll tell you it’s not gonna always be easy, but I can promise you it will be fruitful and with much purpose. all the bridges you’ve burned, you had to, so that you could rebuild them to become a stronger and more wonderful you.

there will be pain, there will be doubt there will be beauty, there will be the unknown. there will be so many moments of joy and delight that the whole universe will feel painted in hues of amber and wonder. there will be times you are so sad you can’t lift your head. and there will be times you are so happy that the sensation of life knocks you down. but most importantly, there will be you. a whole, whole lot of it. and you will feel good about who she is and who she is still becoming.

anonymous asked:

Going off the fighting with no pads+ live weapons+ sparring=death discussion, what would you suggest as an alternative? I'm working on a fantasy story where two of my characters are training in swordsmanship with the intention of becoming knights, but warfare is a lot different than using pads/dummies. What are ways I can have my characters realistically train for battle without mauling each other? Or should they just cross their fingers and hope they don't die on the battlefield in real combat?

Well, for starters, they use training weapons. These are are weapons that are essentially what they’d be using and are blunted. The character gets the effect of training with the weapon and practicing their techniques against another opponent without risk of fatal injury.

This is a long standing practice in all martial disciplines and it is much safer than letting beginners murder each other. You never get to touch a real sword until you’ve reached the end of your training. They’re expensive, dangerous, and most knights aren’t going to have the money to replace all the weapons they’ve destroyed during training.

You start with wood, then move up to metal, then move up to the real blades.

You also don’t have your knights learning to joust each other with real lances either. It’ll be blunted lances like the ones used at tournament, and will use those at all times except on the battlefield. They’ll only be allowed to joust other students when their performance is satisfactory, and they will practice with a dummy first. They’ll keep practicing with that dummy for the remainder of their existence, because it’s safer than practicing with another knight and they can fine hone their skills. Then, they move up to a hanging ring.

They don’t just put you on a horse, thrust a lance in your hands and hope for the best.

They’ll spar with padded armor. When they reach a point in their training where the time has come for them to wear armor, they’ll be using older suits rather than new ones. If they spar with live weapons at all, at any point, the rules of the duel will be to first blood and will be watched very closely by their training instructors.

Training happens in stages.

You practice the pieces of the technique, broken down. You learn the stance, then you learn what you’re doing with your hands. How to hold the weapon. Then, you learn how to move the weapon. Then, you practice the technique all together incorporating your whole body. Then, you practice that singular technique with another human (drilling), then, you learn other techniques, then you learn to connect all those techniques together, then you learn the defenses against those techniques, then you practice them with your partner, and then… then you spar.

In between these stages, you condition. You drill. You condition more. Drill more. Learn more techniques. Sparring becomes a reward. As you go up in rank, the targets you are allowed to hit in sparring expand. The more difficult techniques you learn. You may then advance to other weapons, or you’ll be doing most of them at the same time.

Round and round we go.

Practice with the sword before you hold the shield. Practice with the shield before you hold the sword. Learn to wield the sword with one hand. Then with two. Then with a shield. Learn horseback riding. Learn the staff. Learn the bow. Learn the knife.

Then, once you have a base and you are lucky, you will spar against different weapon types.

If he is confident in your abilities and you have the time, he may hold a melee or allow you, his trainee, to participate in one. Or you may do so while squiring to a knight, depending on your master. What is a melee? It is a practice battle, like a real one without the death (usually).

Or, you may not get any of this. Be thrown into battle up front and be forced to learn as we go.

There’s a target point for what you want to have, and then there’s what you get. A medieval knight or squire or even a page may very well be forced into battle long before they’re “ready”. A page’s training also depends heavily on who is fostering him/her and if they care.

Knights were not given the same training. The concept of training, armed warfare, and mass conflict as we understand it today didn’t exist. They were dependent on which local lord took them under his wing, funded them, and how invested he (and his arms master) was in their training. If they got a sadist for a teacher then they got a sadist for a teacher.

The problem with the romantic “live weapon” idea most people have is that “live weapons” will better prepare you for real combat. They don’t, because nothing compares for real combat. These characters may also see combat long before they become a knight, as they’ll be squired out first and their experiences depend on what their knightly master will be doing.

Knights are a training investment of fourteen years. You don’t waste that lightly. It also costs way too much to outfit them with real shit that they will then misuse and break. Especially not when you can just give them the sturdier, more reliable shit that many others have used before them.

The same is true for the horses. They get the training ponies with the hard mouths before they ever approach a warhorse. They need to prove themselves worthy of the substantial investment which comes with equipping them.

Yes, even the sadistic masters do this. The only difference is the mind games they play while it happens.

And, yes, with the first battle it will always be “hope for the best”. Anything else, they’re kidding themselves. Training is about getting you as prepared as you can be for the real thing, but it is not the real thing and no amount of live blades in a practice arena will change that.

Which is why you don’t do it.

Besides that, there’s the injury risk. Students who don’t know what they’re doing have a greater chance of injuring themselves and others. Injuries are costly. Training relies on consistency. If you’re stuck in your room with a twisted ankle, a bruised collarbone, nevermind a serious injury like a broken bone, then your training will lapse. A student needs to stay active in order to remain viable. If they’re not then its a waste of money, equipment, and other resources like food.

You’ve got to feed them, billet them, and everything in between. If you want shock troopers that’s what the peasants are for. A knight is an investment. You push your investment. You do not break them. They then repay you with their service.

A single soldier in the United States Military costs the taxpayers around a million dollars. Their training is also among the cheapest things the military can buy. In terms of resources in the Middle Ages, the feeding, training, and equipping of a knight costs far more than that.

Think about it. And maybe do some more research.

Otherwise, you’ve got a trainer going, “I want to blow through fourteen years and nine million dollars to soothe my students’ egos!”

No.

“Anything Goes” is a Hollywood creation. You train all combatants on the assumption they’ll be killed, you want to give them the tools to survive but they’ll probably die. For this reason, you need every single one. You can’t waste them on each other. That’s a major reason why tournaments came to exist, so you could have the war and the skill without the death.

-Michi

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3

Travis Scott broke the record for most times performing one song in a concert yesterday (may 16th 2017) when he performed “Goosebumps” 14 times in one show

Poor suitemate etiquette may result in arrest.

Warning: drug use

(This will be a long story)

This happened about a year ago, in my senior year of college. I lived in a residential college on campus, which basically is just a dorm with the option of educational programs being held there. My suite in this building was set up as a pair of two-bed rooms, connected by a small bathroom that the four people shared. In our particular suite, there were only three of us, as our suitemate had a private room. A small detail, but it will become important later.

Now this suitemate, who I will call Hannah, could only be described as one of those new-age hippies. Aggressively vegan, tapestries pinned over every open inch of the walls, candles everywhere, lots of imagery taken from India and surrounding countries, the whole works. And she smoked a lot of pot.

Normally, this wouldn’t be any of my business. I don’t care what you do with your free time, as long as you’re being safe and can keep it away from me, as I was job-searching and didn’t want anything in my system. I made that abundantly clear, as my roommate also smoked, and was polite enough to take it off campus and keep her stash in her car.

Hannah…not so much. She had a habit of smoking in the room, and since she lived alone, she had no one to witness her blowing the smoke out the window. Several of us knew she was doing it, but we lived near the top of the building, so it wasn’t going to float up into someone’s window or anything. If she got caught, we could act surprised, and it would be on her head for being reckless.

She wasn’t an ideal suitemate by any means, on top of this. She played her music loud, and wrecked the bathroom on a weekly basis, and I had woken up to her having loud shower sex in that shared bathroom multiple times. I scrubbed down the bathroom every time because I didn’t want to stand in whatever they left behind, but by the time the real incident occurred, my patience was wearing thin.

The final straw came when a weird smell started pouring in under the bathroom door. I pulled my roommate in with me, and she agreed that it was pot, and a lot of it. I went out of the room, and sure enough, the hall was also filling with a thick cloud of skunk and armpit. I knew my RA was doing a program that involved the police, so I went downstairs to find the RA, told her what was going on, and led her and the police officer she took with her up to my room. I let the officer into my bathroom, and the smell when I opened the door hit everyone like a slap to the face.

As it turns out, she was holding a little party, so not only did she get arrested, but so did 4 of her buddies. She was taken to court, put on probation for 2 years, and given community service. The police officer also told me that if she did or said anything to get back at me, she would go to jail.

She later violated her parole with another charge of the same thing, and that was the last time I saw her.

How Fusion relationships work

“How many Gems are you now?”
“Six! Maybe more … if we meet the right Gem.”

In the episode “Off Colors,” Fluorite makes it clear she’s a relationship of SIX Gems and is open to more. I was joking around trying to think of what her fusion dance would look like if she added another Gem to this relationship, thinking it would be kind of adorable seeing one smaller Gem dancing to fuse with this huge amalgam. But then I wondered about a few things and I collected enough Thinky Thoughts to ramble for a bit.

For a long time before “Super Watermelon Island,” we fans were curious about Alexandrite’s fusion dance. We knew Garnet, as a Fusion herself, prefers to form Fusions with others when she’s already in her Fusion state–as in, she certainly doesn’t split up first to dance with the others one on one when she wants to form Sugilite or Sardonyx. 

We figured hey, maybe it’s easier to synchronize two Gems rather than trying to synchronize three at the same time, and therefore maybe Alexandrite was formed with Pearl and Amethyst fusing into Opal first before dancing with Garnet. 

In “Super Watermelon Island,” we see that’s not so.

Which is not to say that Opal and Garnet COULDN’T decide to fuse that way, but they didn’t in this case. And we can see that if they’re prepared to do it, a three-way synchronization can work without previously synchronizing the components into Fusions.

Fusions can fuse with individuals. With TWO individuals. And individual Gems can of course make Fusions. So basically, it’s free-for-all mix-n-match however the Gems involved are comfortable doing it. 

And I got to wondering what that means for the Fusions themselves. Fusions are relationships. So theoretically, Fusions are the relationships of the component Gems with each other, even in more complicated Fusions like Alexandrite. But essentially, Alexandrite seems like she is the relationship of Amethyst and Pearl with Garnet, not so much the relationship of Amethyst and Pearl and Ruby and Sapphire. If they were to all four fuse in a single fusion dance, they would still make Alexandrite, but Pearl and Amethyst probably don’t HAVE much of a relationship with Ruby or with Sapphire individually. When Pearl first met Garnet in any meaningful way, she was already fused.

So when Pearl makes Sardonyx with Garnet, that relationship is by definition Ruby, Sapphire, and Pearl’s relationship, but practically speaking, it’s a relationship between Pearl and Garnet. Because her relationship with Ruby and Sapphire is nearly always in the context of them as their relationship. As Garnet.

That may seem like a weird point to press on, but stay with me here. 

Garnet probably doesn’t have much of a relationship with Opal as an individual. She has individual relationships with Pearl and with Amethyst, and together their group is Alexandrite. They’re a four-Gem Fusion, but personality-wise, Alexandrite represents Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst together far more than she represents Ruby, Sapphire, Pearl, and Amethyst together. When they start to fight internally, you certainly hear Garnet’s voice coming out, not the voices of Ruby or Sapphire. (And maybe, aside from the potential spoiler-related reasons, that’s why Alexandrite makes more sense with six arms instead of eight.)

Rebecca Sugar has repeatedly said in interviews that Fusions ARE relationships (though they also obviously have their own opinions that can be in contradiction with their components’ opinions, like Sugilite, and can “feel like one being” like Garnet said in “Keeping It Together”). And she’s also said Fusions are an interesting opportunity to explore who people are TOGETHER–the way humans can be together in a relationship and it changes who they are, how they think, how they function as a unit even though they can never be as much of a single entity as a Fusion is. This has me thinking about Fluorite.

She’s an established six-Gem relationship. I don’t know how they came to the conclusion that they wanted to live together, but Rhodonite’s question “how many Gems are you now?” suggests she’s been adding them steadily–that it wasn’t all at once. Very much like Amethyst and Pearl having a relationship with GARNET far more than with Ruby and/or Sapphire individually, I imagine that Fluorite’s additional Gems beyond the first ones–including potential future additions–would develop a relationship with the Fusion, not so much with her components. They may not even KNOW much about who they are individually because the relationship is that significant. That the relationship changes them so much.

I mean, you’ve probably met people who are in relationships and have been part of that unit since a very long time before you met them. They’ve grown into each other, become comfortable with each other, and developed a collective “we” identity that connects to their family, their living situation, their thresholds of intimacy, their interests–everything. You would have no way to know the individuals in that relationship how they would be if they didn’t have it–just like it’s hard to imagine who someone might be if they weren’t an artist, or weren’t a mother, or weren’t chronically ill, or weren’t the gender or sexuality they are. You can’t pluck one element out of them and then try to re-imagine them around the hole that leaves–not unless that element actually does disappear and they readjust their identity around it. I think our relationships can be like that too–that they affect our identity.

Humans’ relationships aren’t as literally transformative as a relationship that can literally become its own person, but our relationships essentially have lives of their own too. Garnet didn’t describe Fusion to Stevonnie as “an experience” for nothing. Most of us don’t “feel like one being” as part of a relationship, and there are some ways in which that can be unhealthy for us if we repress important parts of ourselves to become subsumed in something we wouldn’t like if we were fully conscious of what we were doing. But in general, it’s not a bad thing to have one’s relationship regarded as an important element of who they are. It’s certainly part of how the outside world thinks of them and treats them.

With someone like Fluorite, I think it would be super interesting to see how a single Gem has a relationship with an existing relationship and becomes a part of it. But even though I think Fluorite, and Garnet, and even in some ways Malachite, can be regarded and treated as individuals while fused–requiring those who have relationships with them to take them as a whole–you would also have to have at least some kind of relationship with that relationship’s members. You’d understand them as a package deal, but you might have different feelings about its members. Steven, for instance, loved Lapis and disliked Jasper, but understood Malachite as someone he needed to fight.

Now here’s the sad thing. Garnet states that she’ll “always exist in” Ruby and Sapphire, and that she embodies their love (even though they can still experience that love when they’re not fused, too). But I imagine that if Garnet were separated for a long time, Steven would miss her a lot. And I can imagine if one of Steven’s guardians decided to, say, form a new Fusion with Fluorite and stay that way, he would miss her too. You can’t have both the single Gem and the perma-Fusion in your life consistently.

Most of us have been there. “Losing” a person to a new relationship and nothing is ever the same with them again. They give themselves to the relationship, they go everywhere together, and you can’t invite one without them bringing the other(s). Sometimes, you probably miss that person and want them back. But when they’re part of the relationship, that’s part of who they are, and even when they’re not with their partner(s), they’re part of that relationship. Sometimes that can feel sad, especially if it means your special relationship with that person had to end, lessen, or significantly change. 

Fusion relationships are very different from ours in a few obvious ways, but they’re not so fundamentally different that we can’t draw the parallels. Sometimes you wish the Fusion wasn’t there because you think the relationship is bad for those involved, like Malachite. If you’re Steven, you want your Lapis back and you want Jasper out of both of your lives. You might try to advise Lapis, you might try to protect her from Jasper, but she’s the one who has to decide what her relationship is. You can only hope she sees reason, or you could lose her in more ways than one.

With loving relationships, like Garnet, you want them to be together. Not necessarily because you like Garnet better than you like Ruby and Sapphire–it’s fun to see them now and then, sure!

But you know they prefer to be together, and that they experience anxiety and pain when they’re apart, and that they’ve chosen a life together where some of their individuality is given up for that closeness. You respect their decision and have a relationship with their relationship.

For humans, our relationships do not literally combine the traits of multiple people into one person that then has its own conscious will. The individuals in the relationship still function, while “the relationship” has no physical manifestation despite its influence being felt in the components. But it still changes the “color” of their lives together and brings the people involved close together to serve many shared goals, just like a Fusion.

So when a hypothetical new Gem does come along and establish a relationship with Fluorite, I think she would dance with her. Not with her components individually, but with her. We know Garnet as Ruby and Sapphire’s relationship–not as Ruby and Sapphire combined, but as the result of that combination. For a fused Gem, the Fusion is the new identity who can now make decisions and have experiences, even though they ARE an experience at the same time. It isn’t the same as individuals deciding to do the same thing. They made the decision to become the thing that decides on its own. And that Fusion, in the reality of their life together, can sometimes decide that’s no longer what they want to be. Or they can realize they’d rather be this than anything they were supposed to be and that they’d rather do this than anything they were supposed to do.

If a Gem has a relationship with a relationship, it’ll always be with the relationship first. The new relationship will need to be understood as coming into a shared, existing intimacy. Pearl and Amethyst don’t individually get consent from Ruby and from Sapphire when Garnet acts on their behalf to form Alexandrite. Garnet feels and acts differently from Ruby and Sapphire sometimes, and their choice to fuse into her has influenced the subsequent decisions they make as her. 

They may or may not disagree with how Garnet acts sometimes–like, if you were to ask Sapphire or ask Ruby what they would have personally done when Garnet did something different, you might get some answers that are as different as Amethyst and Garnet’s answers would be from Sugilite’s. But within the context of the relationship, with the relationship actively existing, it has the power to influence how the individuals feel. They have a relationship, and then that relationship can feel and think in unprecedented ways–with some of them not being so good. Being in a relationship with an abusive person, for instance, can sometimes make the abused party accept treatment they wouldn’t outside the relationship, or might have thought they wouldn’t tolerate before the relationship was established. And sometimes it’s neutral, like what a married couple decides they want in a shared home is different from what kind of place each might buy individually.

But what’s important about this is that fusion of goals, opinions, and thoughts in human relationships isn’t necessarily a sad thing. It’s a natural thing. We all influence each other. Allowing yourself to be influenced does not mean the relationship has eclipsed your life, or that you’re in an unhealthy dependence, or that you’ve lost your individual will–you’re still part of what you’ve made together. And if you’re happy in your relationship, anyone who comes along afterwards needs to understand who it’s made you, and be accepting of it, and most of all, be willing to have a relationship with your relationship. Not just one of its parts.