this man is going to eat us

9

forever bitter that kingsglaive gave us this guy then took him away from us

anonymous asked:

I'm not sure if this is the type of scenario you do, but how would Sinbad and any other two characters get out of eating their least favorite food?

I haven’t had a lot of my top two favourites, so I threw them in. Plus, who can’t use more Kougyoku in their lives?

Sinbad

  • This man is the f-ing king of Sindria.
  • And he is not eating that food
  • No, Ja'far, he just won’t eat it.
  • He’d try anything to get out of eating it, even going as far to try and forbid it anywhere near the palace
  • Ja'far won’t let him go that far, but usually gives in when he promises to do work if he doesn’t have to eat it.

Kougyoku

  • Eats around it, will not even look at the food.
  • She will state plainly, but dignified, that she does not like that food and will not touch it.
  • No one can convince her to eat it, no one.
  • Will usually ask Kobun to ask the kitchen staff to avoid that food at all costs

Hakubaby

  • He cooks a lot, so he just avoids cooking with that food most times
  • He’s too nice to say anything when someone else cooks though
  • Usually he’ll stomach it for someone (i.e. Hakuei) and won’t tell them he didn’t like that food much
  • Probably the least childish about his disliked food(s).
100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

well now i’m on an aliens kick. also, i just went in my kitchen to get some ice water and walked in on a fucking roach orgy because no matter how much i clean this apartment is fucking ghetto so let’s talk about how aliens would react to human pest control methods.

“Why is Stacy cleaning the dishware? We have cleaning robots to do that for her,” asked Qwerty (his full name was much, much longer, but because it was written with every letter of one of the more commonly used human alphabets, and something about early digital communications, the humans on the I.S. Dastallria had given him the nickname). 

Xorzit’ket shrugged as best as her anatomy could manage the borrowed gesture. “Why don’t you go ask her?” 

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BOYFRIEND! BTS - JUNGKOOK EDITION

☆Dating Jungkook would include☆

Originally posted by beatriceindre

-A WHOLE LOT OF AWKWARDNESS (before the emergence of the cocky muscle pig)

 -We all know kookie is a shy bunny so dont expect much from this fluffy meme ball at the begininning

-It would probably take few months(or years) for kookie to hold your hand 

 -FoR rEaL Tho

 -This bunny would be his own enemy when it came to intiating skinship 

 - ‘Y/N LimBs aRe finAlLy FreE–..oh no .. s/he’s eating some chips now… ‘oh man holy shit’ “ 

-MEMEMEMEMEMEMESSSS

 - Your messages between each other would just be full on meme

 - because meme is his favourite language

-only being able to talk to you through text 

 - tHe poor bOY woUld bE fRoZeN iN front of yOU

-Going to the hyungs for advice

 -but ends up getting teased T.T

-Lots of amusement park and active dates… you better bring your asthma pump with you..i mean you are dating jeon jungkook after all

 -IRON MAN NEED I SAY MORE 

 - Taking nothing but ugly pictures of each other

-and using them as blackmail weapons

 - YOUr wHOle family lOVe hiM

 -you look like the devil besides him to them he can do no wrong

-you two being the 'no you hang up first’ couple in the beginning but now he just hangs up 

 -tbh you both get off of annoying each other

 - (video calling your dad) 

You:Daddy! How are you? 

《A wild Jungkook appears behind you》 

Jungkook: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Daddy’s fine… wHO iS– 

 Throws your phone out the window 

 -” Lets never speak of this again" 

“Since when did you become 'Daddy’? ” 

“Hussshhh~~( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ”

 - You going to watch their dance practices = him forcing the memebers to dress up in live performance attire 

 -Jimin having to accept that kookie is taken T.T

- “Im okay rlly..anyways Taehyung’s free ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)…”

 -If you’re short》You being teased mercilessly; Picked up at random times; literally being smothered when you hug him ; being called cuTE all tHE tIME; SPINS ALL THE TIME

 -If you’re tall》 marvelling at your beautiful long legs; no discrimination YOU’D ALSO BE CALLED CUTE ALL THE TIME; Seriously kookie would marvel at how elegant you looked; him being able to rest hishead on your shoulder,; KOOKIE SAID HE LIKES TALL GIRLS SO~~(i nEeD tO gROw) 

 - A lot of inside jokes… people just end up thinking you two are dumb beans -

 - Dont forget all the meme dances #1 Dance couple

-You guys would probably end up uploading a video with all of your signature meme dances combined 

 -Anime marathons~~~ if your not a fan of anime. you soon will be

SEXY TIMES (oH gOD nO)

Expectation:

Originally posted by ultranicolet

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Originally posted by queenwithcollars


REALITY (☆_☆)

Originally posted by kpoptrashandproud

Originally posted by mayfifolle

Originally posted by bts-yes-please

Originally posted by reneemallen

-You’d probably have to initiate any kind of intimacy 

-but once he feels comfortable with you –_-_-_-_-_-_ R.I.P YOU

-sERioUSLy- This boy would be a fuckin incubus once his shyness is gone

-kOoKiE tHe pErvErT iS bOrN

-You’d have to fence him off from you

-He wouldnt really be into public teasing because he’s a really private person

-if he decided to initiate it, he’d be fine

-THIGH RIDING

-A WHOLE LOT OF THIGH RIDING

-YOU BETTER WORSHIP THEM THIGHS

-You getting angry when he leaves visble hickeys but him still continuing

-You then plan on getting him back but then realise the massive sHit StOrm it would create so you back down

-instead you hide all his timberlands and replace all his white shirts with brony merch because you believe everyone should love my little pony 

Originally posted by kpopruinedmy-soul

- He wouldnt really be into PDA especially in front of the members. it would be too embarrassing for him.. he stiLl sHY and the hyungs have no mercy

☆Overall kookie would be a fun and chill boyfriend, a bit sensitive as long as you’re okay with dishing out hugs and affirmations then there should be no problem☆

Admin noodlecat

21 things black men don’t hear often enough

1. I love you bro. We don’t tell each other as men how much we mean to each other. There is no weakness in that. Only strength, solidarity, and power.

2. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to commit to getting better.

3. Someone is depending on you, to be exactly who you are.

4. Read more. You have time to read 12 books a year (which is more than the average American). We also aren’t average.

5. Showing and sharing your emotions isn’t a sign of weakness. Paying attention to how we feel helps us become more in tune with what’s actually going on.

6. Your mental health matters. You can’t “work yourself” out of your mind. Emotional trauma is very real and worthy of our time. We’ve been through a lot recently.

7. Living is an act of resistance. You are going to live, get out all these dreams, and thrive – despite the odds.

8. You are a descendent of kings. Seriously, don’t bow your head to life. You were built for this.

9. Their opinion won’t pay your bills, or build your dreams. They won’t always see your vision. Not everyone is supposed to.

10. Failure isn’t a tattoo. Learn how to take the Ls and move on. Adapt and overcome.

11. Getting this money, and doing good, aren’t mutually exclusive. You just have to be clear on your non-negotiables and stand by them.

12. You don’t have to ask for permission to be excellent. Go for it.

13. “Everybody eat’s b” – Ace Boogie. Seriously, we can all get what we want to out here. Helping people doesn’t make you a sucker. Do have boundaries though.

14. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working for someone else (even if you’re from Harlem), but it pays to think like an owner. Signing the front of a check is very different than the back.

15. #BLACKLIVESMATTER

16. If someone knocks you for your 9-5, they (1) aren’t your friends and (2) they don’t know about your 6-10. Keep going.

17. Start owning when you can. Pay yourself first. These loans ain’t loyal.

18. We don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You’re excellent and it’s perfectly okay to still be warming up.

19. Try to take care of yourself. I love Popeyes, but what we put in ourselves can actually kill us. Exercise, eat well, and get active. Put some $$ on your jumper, and invite your team out!

20. Learning how to cook is a great look. Seriously. Watch a couple Youtube videos, hit Home Goods, and start cheffing.

21. “Someday” is never going to show up on the calendar. Write that book, send that tweet, record podcast. Don’t opt out, especially not right now.

Hey guys I need some new blogs to follow so like or reblog this and I’ll follow your blog if you post any:

  • Green Day
  • State Champs
  • Blink 182
  • Radiohead
  • Bring Me The Horizon
  • Paramore
  • Twenty One Pilots
  • Panic! At The Disco
  • All American Rejects
  • 5 Seconds Of Summer
  • Halsey
  • Arctic Monkeys
  • Nirvanna
  • The 1975
  • Marianas Trench
  • All Time Low
  • The Wonder Years
  • Fall Out Boy
  • Sleeping With Sirens
  • Boys Like Girls
  • 30 Seconds To Mars
  • New Found Glory
  • You Me At Six
  • Man Overboard
  • Yellowcard
  • Tonight Alive
  • The Story So Far
  • Mayday Parade
  • Real Friends
  • Counterparts
  • The Ammity Affliction
  • The Killers
  • Brand New
  • Sum 41
  • Neck Deep
  • Pierce The Veil
  • My Chemical Romance
  • Muse
  • The Maine
  • Lorde
  • Linkin Park
  • Jimmy Eat World
  • A Day To Remember
  • Basement
  • La Dispute
  • Of Mice And Men
  • Citizen
  • Youth
  • Good Charlotte
  • Moose Blood
  • Knuckle Puck
  • Walking On Cars
  • As It Is
  • We Are The In Crowd
  • Go Radio
  • Taking Back Sunday
  • Issues
  • The Used
  • Sticky Fingers
  • Bry
Gift AU Idea

The thing about the Gift, is that you never quite know what you are going to get, and what it’s going to cost. 

It sometimes cost a lot, and early - for such little payback that it hardly seemed worth it. It sometimes cost nothing anyone could ever know - and changed a whole life. Sometimes it was a gift at birth, and sometimes a curse before death, but it always happened. 

When Jack Zimmerman was born, his parents were beyond thrilled. He was a weird looking baby, but my god, they loved him more than they ever thought would be possible. That first night, at midnight, a light filled up the dark room and formed a fae shape, indistinct but instantly recognisable. 

“I will take his first last breath.” The solid light said, before fading completely. Bob, who had his ability to grow a beard taken as payment for his ability to always land a solid punch, and Alicia (who lost all her memories before she was 4 so that her smile could light up a room) looked at each other and blinked. 

Because what the hell did that mean? 

-

When the light filled the hospital room where one Eric Richard Bittle lay sleeping, both his parents were wide awake and trembling. Susan lost her ability to read at 19, and Coach lost his own name three weeks after his 4th birthday, and both knew the sting of a ‘gift’ that never really lived up to the price they paid. Neither of them wanted their darling baby to suffer - to lose anything. They wanted to give him the world. Coach glared at the light while Susan hid her face in her hands. 

“That’s my son and I swear to all that is good in this world if you hurt him, if you hurt my boy-” his voice broke at the end. He’d paid a high price for his gift, lost his name and gained only the ability to write with both hands. Susan had it worse - she remembered words, her love of books, the simple skill of reading labels or instructions - gone now… all for the knowledge of when it was best to pick the ripest fruit. 

And god, he feared for his boy. 

“I will take his joyous childhood.”

And Coach found out that it was impossible to punch a living light.

-

Sometimes you met people who had the same gift, or paid the same price. Shitty lost his name, just like Coach, and Bitty was pretty sure thats why he trusted the mustachioed man so much. His gift was never feeling cold. Ransom lost his birthmark and Holster lost his first love - and gained each other, a soul bond so strong that sometimes it was difficult for them to tell who was feeling what. Lardo swapped her appendix for the ability to see in the dark, Nursey lost his spatial awareness for his love of words and Dex lost his calm. Dex wasn’t quite sure what he got, which wasn’t all that uncommon because really… in a world where your sense of smell can be traded for the ability to flip a pancake… sometimes it just wasn’t easy to work out what your gift was. 

Chowder lost his baby teeth for his joy of life, Johnson his ability to tell the time for some weird alternative universe only he could see. 

Jack lost his first last breath on the bathroom floor of a nondescript hotel room for a second chance - Bitty lost his carefree childhood with every taunt and shove as he grew up. 

Bitty figured that the price was okay. He could make the best pies anyone had ever tasted. 

Sometimes Jack wondered if it was worth it. 

And of course, sometimes… you got it wrong. 

-

Bitty always knew his childhood was going to suck. His mamma and Coach did their level best to make sure that home was safe and secure, but it didn’t stop the nightmares at night, the fear of monsters under the bed or the sheer god-awful time at school. The only time he was ever at ease was in the kitchen, where his mamma taught him to bake using her own way of things, never needing to measure, never relying on a recipe she couldn’t read. So, Bitty, and his parents, always just assumed that he was going through hell as a kid, so he could bake. 

Coach hated it. Coach hated a lot of things, but seeing his son scared and frightened one too many times had taken its toll on the man. They moved three weeks after the supply closet incident. 

All for the sake of some stupid pies, his son suffered. 

He never did eat a single one. 

-

It wasn’t until Bitty got to Samwell that his actual gift turned up…

A Babysitting Love Affair | Zach Dempsey x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff
POV: Reader’s/First Person

A/N: This was requested by anon! I hope you guys will like this as much as my first one. I kind of ramble on but please bear with me lol.
Request: could i request a zach dempsey x reader where the reader is babysitting zach’s sister, and zach haven’t met the babysitter yet and one day he goes home early and falls in love with her?

—–

“I’ll be there tomorrow morning Mrs. Dempsey.”

“Alright love, thank you so much!”

I smile as I close the door after Zach’s mom who asked me to babysit Zach’s little sister, May. She mentioned that she will have to go to Chicago for the weekend to take care of something and I was assigned to be May’s companion overnight since her brother is an extremely busy guy. The Dempseys are a close family friend, too bad I’m not really that close with Zach or May. It’s probably because we go to different high schools and it doesn’t really help that I can be anti-social at times. I know nothing about them, and they know nothing about me in return so it’s all good.

—–

The next morning

“I’ll be leaving now or else I’ll miss my flight! Thank you so much again Y/N for babysitting. I’ll see you girls tomorrow morning alright? Feel at home love, my number’s on the fridge if you need me and I left money for any emergency. Zach won’t be here until dinner tonight. He has basketball practice.” Mrs. Dempsey says as she bids goodbye to Zach’s little sister and I.

“Got it Mrs. Dempsey! We’ll see you tomorrow.” I finally say with a smile.

“Bye mom! I’ll be good, I promise!” May puts her right thumb out to her mom and waves goodbye.

“So, what do you want to do today, May?” I ask her as we’re left alone inside the house.

“Hmm, I don’t really have anything in mind. Oh wait I know! Let’s style each other’s hair.” She suggests with a gleam in her eyes; she looked so excited.

“Sure kiddo.” I reply with a smile and we proceed to the living room to watch TV. May got all of her hair accessories from her room for us to use. She decided that it’d be fun to start with my hair first and put them in pigtails and so she did. She chose these pink puffy hair bands to tie my hair. May had long, black and shiny hair which reminded me of Katniss Everdeen so naturally, I chose to put her hair in a fish tail braid.

“Wow Y/N, you’re really good at this!” she beams after her make over.

“Why thank you, Miss Everdeen.” I reply with a bow and she giggles in response.

A couple of hours later and it was almost lunch time. May wanted to order pizza and so we did. She didn’t like vegetables so we opted for a classic cheese pizza instead. A few minutes later and the doorbell rang, I ran to the door to open it, with the money in my left hand.

“Thank you so–” I begin to greet the pizza man but a ginormous, muscular guy hovered above me instead.

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How Mary Morstan destroyed the moral centre of BBC Sherlock

So let me just start by saying that no one wants two-dimensional, black-and-white characters. Flawed people are normal, believable, more interesting, more relatable. That’s all fine. What the first two series of Sherlock gave us was:

1. Sherlock Holmes: A self-appointed detective, occasional (mostly past, seemingly) drug user who solves crimes as a puzzle to keep his overactive mind occupied. Rude to people, a trait born more out of impatience to get on with saving lives without being hampered by other people’s relative slowness, and possible also because he falls somewhere on the autism spectrum and struggles with social skills. Tries to believe that he is cold, emotionless, but the opposite is palpably true: his facial reaction when Moriarty destroys the old woman in The Great Game. This line: “This hospital’s full of people dying, Doctor. Why don’t you go and cry by their bedside and see what good it does them?” (Read: wasting time wringing our hands won’t save this person’s life.) This exchange:

John: Charming. Well done. 
Sherlock: Just saving her time. Isn’t that kinder? (Read: He attempts to be kind, successful or otherwise.

Sherlock’s face when he sees John wearing the bomb jacket in The Great Game. Sherlock admitting his fear in The Hound of the Baskervilles. Sherlock showing compassion by rescuing Irene in A Scandal in Belgravia. Sherlock’s tear as he was saying goodbye to John in The Reichenbach Fall. These two series are full of evidence that Sherlock absolutely does care about people, so much so that his brother reminds him to be wary of sentiment as though it’s an old refrain, routinely repeated. And the final touch: “I may be on the side of the angels, but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.” That’s it in a nutshell: Sherlock is no angel – but he is indubitably on their side. He solves crimes. He stops criminals from their actions. He saves lives. He is, despite his surface rudeness, a good person.

2. John Watson: An ex-army captain and doctor with an appetite for adrenaline, an inability to settle into civilian life, post-traumatic shock nightmares, and a dangerous violent streak. A man with a “strong moral centre” who waits until he believes it absolutely necessary to kill, then does it cleanly, quickly, humanely when he thinks he must. John is such an interesting mix. In one way of looking at it, there’s a lot more dark in him than there is in Sherlock. Something obviously went wrong in his family, too, as not one of his immediate family attended his wedding. There’s some resentment there, some thirst to prove his worth – and a corresponding hyper-willingness to assume that people doubt it, that people place blame on him, that they find him wanting in some way. Trust issues, indeed.

And yet he’s the one who’s mindful of when Sherlock is stepping on toes and hurting feelings, the first to pull him into line, to make sure he doesn’t go too far. They’re such a good team this way: John came back from the war with a hand tremor that made it impossible for him to practise medicine and a psychosomatic limp and blasted-up shoulder that made it impossible for him to be the “war hero” Sherlock describes him as during their first cab ride. They fit each other perfectly: Sherlock gives John a safe outlet to let out his demons and channel them into being a hero again, cures him of his impediments almost just by believing him unshakably, always, without one shred of doubt, no matter what his sharp-edged humour might suggest, even giving him back the ability to practise medicine again, and in turn John provides Sherlock with equanimity: someone to come home to, eat with, be normal with, someone who will save him from going too far either verbally or into the deeps to search out a criminal there, who will follow him down and shoot the criminals off his back. They save each other. They do good work: they’re good people.

And then series 3 gave us Mary. Mary the former secret agent gone rogue, Mary who kills for the highest bidder (confirmed in The Six Thatchers), Mary who scales a building pregnant to intimidate or kill a man who is blackmailing her. Mary who shoots a friend in the heart rather than accept his help and request his secrecy, or his help in breaking the truth to John. Mary the pathological liar, who layers lie upon lie upon lie, and feels that she should never have to apologise for anything, including all of these lies. Mary, who got snippy and resentful over John’s “months of silence” after she tried to murder his best friend, as though he had no right to his anger. Mary, who denied John the right to have a say in naming his own child after she put him through all of that. Mary, who would rather drug her friend and abandon her family rather than accept help. Mary, who abandoned her team without confirming that they were beyond rescue and started a new life with a marriage and a baby and not a second thought for the people she’d left behind. Mary, who never for a second left her profession, keeping her guns and her outfits and her secret info stashed in random walls in Norway, her vast collection of wigs and offensive accents.

This might have worked if the show had seen her arc through as the villain she clearly was. Mary was decidedly NOT on the “side of the angels”. Mary was not saving lives. Mary was taking them. Mary was a person whose life choices, past and present, clearly put her on the other side from Sherlock and John – two flawed, yet ultimately good men who do good work. Mary’s work was, in a word, bad. She was the opposite, really: an inherently bad person with a cute façade, who could giggle and make little jokes (that frequently had a sting buried within), who could roll up her pants instead of just getting them hemmed, who could tease and banter, but as soon as the pressure came back on, her real self came out again. The old habits came back: drug a friend, shoot them in the heart, run away without looking back, kill anyone who gets in your way. The fact is that the show did NOT see this arc through. The writers tried to spoon-feed us the façade, and it didn’t work, because the truth was so very visible: Mary was not a good person, and trying to pretend that she was is either completely unbelievable, or else destroys the entire point of who Sherlock and John are, in their essence. To have them take Mary on board without question, without her actual redemption by having felt or demonstrated remorse of any kind at any point for any of the very many terrible things she did, does not work! This is tantamount to Sherlock and John teaming up with Moriarty! Even if they’d needed information from Moriarty or something, it would have been a necessarily temporary arrangement, because they are not on the same team and never have been!

So, tl;dr version: we want characters who are nuanced, who have grey area, who are three-dimensional: but not characters who betray their own moral code by associating themselves willingly with someone they would normally oppose with all of their combined might. Writing their acceptance of Mary Morstan destroyed their moral centre. In a way, it made them no better than she was, and we know from the first two series that this just isn’t who Sherlock and John are. They’re good people. Mary wasn’t.

“The obsession, particularly online, with the homoerotic tension between Sherlock and Doctor Watson… The template for us was the Billy Wilder film The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, which deliberately plays with the idea that Holmes might be gay. We’ve done the same thing, deliberately played with it although it’s absolutely clearly not the case. He’s only a brain, ‘everything else is transport’ to him and John clearly says, “I’m not gay, we’re not together” but the joke is that everyone assumes that in the 21st century that these two blokes living together are a couple– what they wouldn’t’ have assumed in the 19th century. They’d have assumed they were bachelor best friends and now they assume they’re lovers. That’s obviously such fun to play with and the fact that people now assume, in a very positive way, that they’re together is a different joke to it being a negative connotation.”  Mark Gatiss in The Gay Times, February 2012

Hmm, I’m actually not so sure about that. Because I never got this joke (and no, that’s not a generation thing. I’m round about the same age as the show creators). Honestly, to me, two blokes sharing a flat in central London in the 21st century are just two blokes sharing a flat because it’s fucking expensive. I’d never assume anything else.

Even if one of the man was depicted as obviously gay (Girlfriend? Nor really my area. - Boyfriend? I know it’s fine.) - I wouldn’t assume any kind of romatic interest between them. I can’t see a joke there either.

But when their flat sharing gets laden with innuendo? For example, their landlady asking them if they share a bedroom. Another acquaintance taking them for being on a date. Those two blokes gazing at each other as if they were about to eat each other alive. One of the man killing for the other, who, in return, protects him from being prosecuted… Well, then I’d start to assume something’s going on - because it is shown to me and hammered home.

Only, I can’t see a joke there either…

So, what Gatiss described in the above interview wasn’t what happened. They were not just showing us two blokes living together. Because then no one in the 21st century would think of them as a couple. Moffat and Gatiss had to actively insert innuendo for their viewers to catch up on their ‘joke’ in the first place. They encouraged this on many levels: text, acting choices, casting, costume, music, lighting, cinematography.

They actively implemented homoerotic (sub)text in their show - only to lament at the same time that people cought up on it? That some viewers expected something to come out of it. Because, in the 21st century, no one thought it possible that it could just be a lame joke! Because there just is no joke to it.

The viewers took the positive attitude Gatiis desrcibes a step further and expected positive representation from the writers after playing with the inherent homoeroticism of the original stories. The fandom was far more advanced than the show runners, it seems.

And why play with the  homoeroticism it in the first place? I really can’t see where the fun might be in there, apart from cracking some cheap gay jokes that feed an outdated no-homo attitude?

What is there to play with when it’s not an issue anymore? And if it’s still an issue, I’m not sure that making fun of it ist the appropriate approach to it.

anonymous asked:

What are your favorite shark facts?

*screeches with glee* Alright nonnie, you have asked me the best question EVER!

Apologies for taking two days to reply to this, life was a bit hectic

.

Super Awesome Shark Facts

ONE

Sharks showed up 400 million years ago in the Devonian 358.9–298.9 aka “The Age of Fish” between the geological Silurian (443.8–419.2 million years ago) and the Carboniferous Periods (358.9–298.9 million years ago). By the time of the Carboniferous, we had amphibians and other small vertebrate creatures capable of crawling about on land. It’s during the Carboniferous Period that the continent of Pangaea first began to form (let that sink in for a second, the sharks were about before Pangaea even began to look like a continent, that’s how long these creatures have been about jfc). 

TWO

To date they’ve survived FIVE massive planet extinction events… ya know, those things that KILL PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING ON THE PLANET?? YEAH, THEM. We know of one that happened pretty recently in geological history; 65 million years ago when the dinosaurs went bye-bye. How fucking badass is that, Jesus Christ!

THREE

There’s currently over 500 types of Shark in the ocean at present (though not for long if people don’t stop KILLING THEM! CAN YOU NOT?!??). The most famous, of course, is the Great White (Carcharodon carcharias) and the Hammerhead (family: Sphyrnidae). For all that there’s a variety of Species, there are, of course, similarities in form and shape including cartilaginous skeletons (they’re literally made of the same stuff as the ridge of your nose is), enhanced electro-static senses (on their nose which is cute but also reason why if you boop them on the nose they ‘nope’ it out of the place; consider it not too dissimilar to bashing your funny bone and deciding to avoid that damned door in the future, same sort of logic tbh).

FOUR

You can pet a Shark on the nose. This isn’t really a fact so much as an interesting aside that I think is cute and adorable as shit so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[The still looks scary but honestly, he’s just giving the Tiger Shark a snack lol]

[I believe these are Lemon Sharks, which are fucking cute and I would cuddle one of them to the end of my life (I don’t have self-preservation instincts tho soooo)]

FIVE

You have a higher chance of dying from being attacked by hornets, wasps, bees, dogs and even a fucking coconut (if you live in Asia) than you do of being killed by a Shark. How’s that for some mad stats?

SIX

As I’ve said, Sharks have survived FIVE massive planet extinction events but, currently, 20-30% of Sharks are close to extinction because of us, humans. Commercial fishing means Sharks get caught on hooks and nets; homeopathic remedies that require parts of Sharks for them to ‘work’; and Shark Fin Soup all contribute to the decline of these amazing creatures that have lived on this planet longer than even our most distant ancestor has.

SEVEN

Thanks to the media and stupid ass people who think they know everything from a movie marathon of the Jaws series, people think all Sharks are man-eating monsters that want to murder anyone who dares go for a swim in the open water. Here’s the thing though, 97% of over 500 Shark species are HARMLESS to us. The ones that ARE harmful tends to be because we’re in THEIR space and fucking up THEIR shit (personally, I’d beat your ass too if you came near my home so IDK why anyone thinks Sharks are evil; they’re just animals).

EIGHT

The reason why so many Shark attacks happen in California and places like South Africa is simply because of the abundance of food for Sharks; Great Whites especially. Seals, Sea Lions, and Sea Otters are all on the menu for the Great White and us pesky ass humans keep getting in their way. It’s not their fault they mistake us for food. Honest mistake.

NINE

Connected to EIGHT. Most of the time, people die from a Shark BITE but the Shark doesn’t come back for a second time (usually) because, unlike pretty much every other species that’s evolved on this planet, Sharks don’t have the opportunity to test what something is before using their teeth on it. Humans bleed out horrendously fast, especially in water, so the cause of death for most Shark attacks is blood loss and shock, not actually being eaten by a Shark.

TEN

Whale Sharks are the largest Sharks on record out of all current, living Shark species. They can be over 13 metres in length and, while they look scary considering how humans usually don’t go past 2 metres (imagine seven people stood on top of each other and you’ve got an idea of how long a Whale Shark is), Whale Sharks are the most docile creatures ever. They’re quite similar to Whales (hence the name) that live on plankton, for example the Blue Whale, and are absolutely gorgeous.

.

Hopefully these have been somewhat educational (while interspersed with my delightful attitude) and everyone can go on with their lives a little more aware and knowledgeable about Sharks.

Originally posted by amnhnyc

8

it’s always sunny in philadelphia character tropes charlie kelly; would it be weird if you survived an abortion? would it be weird if, like, you shared a bed with a man who may or may not be your father? would it be weird if you eat cat food to go to sleep and you have such a fascination with cats that maybe you glue cat hair on the back of your neck every now and then?

anonymous asked:

If it hasn't already been done (I know I haven't read them all yet) could you do 71 with matt and niel? I can't ever get enough of their friendship

71: “There’s a thunderstorm outside and you want to do what?” 

The court is soup, stirring and humid, and Matt stares straight up at the ceiling, trying to catch a proper breath. He’s aware of Dan folded almost in half by the benches, holding a stitch in her side like something’s about to pop out. 

Nicky’s starfished a metre away from Matt, gasping dramatically with both arms criss-cross flung over his eyes. The rest of the team is hunched or stretched like roman statues, twisted in grotesque shapes to take the pressure off of their overworked ankles and lungs.

Inevitably, Neil is utterly solid on his feet, chest still heaving with exertion but eyes focused. Andrew passes him an unscrewed water bottle and they make eye contact for five whole seconds too long. Matt snorts, rolling away onto his front and grimacing at the sweaty peeling sound his uniform makes.

“Neil,” he calls, holding his own flushed cheeks. “Any ETA on when we can scrape ourselves off the court?”

“What?” he asks sharply.

“We just want to whither and die in our own homes,” Nicky moans.

“We have a half hour left in our regular practice plus we’re a month away from semifinals,” Neil says, incredulous. “We should be working harder than ever.”

“A month,” Allison repeats. “As in one month. As in what— over forty practices to go?”

Matt sneaks a glance and Neil has his arms crossed, his mouth sour. “The ravens will be—“

“Nope,” Allison interrupts,  “I’m sick of hearing about what Edgar Allan’s demonic fucking automatons would do. They don’t play by the same rules as us. That’s sort of the point.”

“We’ll be better fresh, Neil,” Dan says, still panting a little from her last lap. “You know what pushing too hard looks like.”

“And I know what not pushing hard enough looks like,” Neil snaps, harsh and echoey in their plexiglass cage. He swallows a couple of times, maybe trying to get the taste of his outburst out of his mouth, and then he looks away. “Some of you meet resistance and stop pushing.”

“I mean If I know anything about Q-tips, that’s what you’re supposed to do,” Nicky says.

“Your body resists for a reason.” Aaron grimaces, apparently upset to be agreeing with his cousin.

“Neil’s right,” Kevin says, and everyone groans. His eyes narrow, and he taps his racquet on the floor like he’s calling order to a courtroom. “We’re not improving. We’re stagnant, and we’re taking the extra bulk of the newbies for granted. More bodies doesn’t guarantee a win, we know this. We have to switch things up.”

“Switch things up,” Allison repeats, leaning back on her hands. “What would you propose, Queenie? You want us to switch jersey’s? Play on a basketball court?”

“The jersey thing sounds fun,” Matt says, sly. “Dibs on Dan’s.”

“Switch things up,” Neil echoes, and Matt watches helplessly as a bad idea dawns on him. 

Keep reading

[TRANS] J-hope in the Chatroom:

- Hello!!~
- Wake up!!!!!
- Hul
- Hi
- Hehehe wake up
- You have to go to school!!!!!
- Good Morning:)
- Everyone you should prepare to leave (for school)
- Good departure (to school)
- Here it’s 7PM
- I haven’t eaten yet recommendation please!!!
- Everybody recommendation
- Hahaha meat!! Meat sounds good?
- Should I eat hodogi rice or should I eat meat~
- Beef?!
- Yummy~~~~~~
- I like seafood
- Chile performance was good
- The mood was the best!!!!
- I look forward to the next tour performances
- Oh hahaha busan performance hahahaha later I also want to perform in the korean provinces
- In Gwangju ddwak!!!
- Man~~~~
- Hey you want us to perform in your front yard?? Haha
- Hey…. there’s not? Haha 💋
- Everyone make sure to eat your breakfast
- My international fans too everybody eat your dinner ok?
- Everyone eat your meal~~~ I will also eat deliciously and I will cheer up!!!
- Everybody hopeday~~ hopeday
- byebye!!

Trans cr; @tamimou / @ btschannel
© TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS
EXO 101: A Crash Course

Park Chanyeol 

Originally posted by megglesbagels

Soft baby by day, sexy mofo by night. Can do everything?? Sing, rap, dance, cook, act, write and produce music, play the guitar (classical, spanish, lead, and rhythm omg) and the piano and the drums, has the body of an elf king. He’s also AMAZING with children as shown [here - skip to 12:17 and WATCH you won’t regret it] and dogs too! All animals really. He’s Korean Snow White. With abs. And if Snow White was extra. 

Also the kindest soul ever. He’s always smiling, even when he’s down. He literally said, and I quote; “No matter how difficult something is, I will always be positive and smile like an idiot.” His then-girlfriend nicknamed him “Happy Virus.” Constantly buys his members gifts, is very tall (well over six feet), and he’s the most extroverted and sociable person - actually friends with everyone. 10/10 amazing human.  


Byun Baekhyun

Originally posted by junhyyo

Don’t let him fool you!!! He looks soft but he will fuck you up with his cheeky lil smile and pelvic sorcery and unearthly vocals and uGH. His wit is unparalleled like omg, so sassy and hilarious and sharp. Also a huge nerd when it comes to anime, manga, and video games. Once gave a picture of himself to another member as a gift, the lil shit.  

He’s incredibly passionate about his career and his members, and I think it was Kyungsoo who said that it’s Baek who keeps them all together at times. In summary: Byun Baekhyun is what happens when a demon and an angel do the do. 


D.O./Do Kyungsoo:

Originally posted by sehuntiful

Do Kyungsoo? More like Do Me, Kyungsoo. I’m sorry I’m so thirsty Ksoo…I don’t even know where to begin with this one. First of all, he single-handedly saved the human race from extinction with his voice. He’s savage af, so much so that he’s affectionately nicknamed “Satansoo” and he will smack a bitch. He’s also so soft and squishy at the same time, you’ll get whiplash. And his acTING. Lord in heaven. And I believe he didn’t even have acting lessons?? The nerve of him. He, too, is sex on legs, and he might be quieter than the others, but y’all best listen when he talks cause boy bout to spill the tea. 

He’s also very paternal in that he takes care of the other members a lot, like when Kai, his roommate, isn’t feeling well, he’ll care for him or go out to get food for him. And he can cook really well. I’m gonna stop now before I end up writing an entire dissertation ;’)


Lay/Zhang Yixing

Originally posted by glorious-soobooty

ALSO NOT PURE ABORT ABORT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Oh my god. Anyway. Zhang Yixing is the perfect contradiction. On the one hand, he’s an actual baby lamb - laugh and all. On the other hand, he’s the human embodiment of the NC-17 rating. Like, hide yo kids. Yixing is also one of the Chinese members of EXO, so he often leaves to promote his solo music which is in Chinese, and he works so incredibly hard and deserves all the success. He also writes the lyrics, and composes and arranges the music! 

And…his dancing. Proof that god exists. There is literally no part of his body that Yixing does not have absolute command over - and you can see it because he is so precise, confident, and sexy. :’) 


Suho/Kim Junmyeon

Originally posted by oohsehunnies

I actually had to cover his face while writing this because holy–

Yup. Moving on. 

Actually, back to his face (and the rest of him): Remember when Da Vinci was conceptualizing the Vitruvian Man (lol only 90′s kids will remember…1490′s kids, that is). You know that picture of the guy with another pair of arms and legs superimposed on him, inside a circle? The drawing theorizing the ideal proportions of the human body? Yup, true story: Junmyeon was Da Vinci’s muse. Suho’s face is so symmetrical, it inspired mathematicians to write the golden ratio. He is a genetic miracle, a statistical outlier, a national treasure–

Anyway *sweats*. ALSO. Let’s talk about his personality. Myeon is the mom of EXO, the leader, so he’s naturally very parental. He actually chose the stage name “Suho” because it means guardian. He always does his best to keep his kids the members together and doing what they need to be doing. Always pays for things ($Junmoney$), and is the person a lot of them confide in and go to for comfort or advice, especially Sehun. 

He’s such a dad too - like his dad joke ratings are off the charts. 10/10 would build you a tree house and tuck you in at night. 


Oh Sehun

Originally posted by sehurn

Maknae. Icon. Legend. Used to have a lisp. 

People sometimes think he’s cold or reserved because of his face, but as you can see in the gif, he’s literal sunshine. He once cried on stage because he was knocked on the head by a camera - but he wasn’t crying because the injury hurt, he was crying because he wasn’t allowed to perform because of it, and he felt like he was disappointing his fans. He also cried during a radio show when asked about his other members - he said every night before he falls asleep, he prays for them and he prays that they all stay together and are successful and happy. And now I’m crying. 

Everyone is in love with him

His dancing resurrected me from the dead, put my children through college, and ended world hunger because damn we are fed when that boy moves. 

Sehun was once invited to Paris for a Louis Vuitton fashion show and became king of France. I’m not kidding. All he did was show up, and there was a huge crowd already there to greet him as if he were royalty, and he was voted best dressed at the show by Vogue. He went to the Louvre, and people were studying and appreciating him, the actual art.  


Chen/Kim Jongdae

Originally posted by dayafterdae

Ah, little dino bby. He’s iconic for many reasons: 

1) His smile. It curls up at the corners like this :}

2) When he laughs, he literally goes HAHAHAHAHA like wow, amazing, I want this as my ringtone

3) He screams a lot. Nickelodeon once made a show about him called Jongdae: The Last Pterodactyl

4) HIS VOCALS. Un-freaking-believable. He’s the male version of Mariah Carey. 

5) Speaks really good Chinese! (He’s Korean) 

6) An amazing human?? He donates to charity so often and he doesn’t do it for publicity either. He takes good care of the other members too. 

Jongdae, let me put a ring on it. 


Xiumin/Kim Minseok

Originally posted by dazzlingkai

HERE WE GO. My precious boy :’)

Minseok. The eldest. Also known as the best person to ever exist. Like Kyungsoo, he doesn’t talk much because he’s a shy lil bean, but once he warms up to you, the things that come out of his mouth are so deep and cute and funny and wowow I want ten of him

Is the least likely to cry

Was chubby (and so adorable!!) as a little kid, and now he has a six pack. Because of his weight as a kid though, he has spoken many times about the issue of body shaming and how people’s perceptions of a person shift based on how they look. He once said these words that made my cold, dead heart beat again: “I don’t have an ideal type. If our hearts match well, then she will look pretty to me.” 

Has the strongest arms in EXO. They all arm wrestled and he won and it was the funniest thing ever. 

Is not only an idol, he’s also getting his Ph.D. Dr. Kim. I can’t believe….

Wants to open his own coffee shop, and I don’t drink coffee, but I would chug any dish-water-coffee-grinds-filth that he would serve me because damn I love him. 


Kai/Kim Jongin

Originally posted by dazzlingkai

R00D MOTHERF*CKER. 

The Bias Wrecker. Or just your bias, plain and simple 

Kim Jongin is one of nature’s greatest accomplishments. His gams are the eighth wonder of the world - and he puts them to use when he dances, like please kick me in the face with those omfg 

His laugh. Astounding. Also don’t stand too close when he laughs because he will hit you. It’s just what he does lmao

He’s basically a hip young old man - so hot but so sleepy. He’ll sleep at any given opportunity. 

Very fond of fried chicken. And dogs. But not in terms of eating, for the latter

Learned ballet for ten years and it shows, and I just wANT TO SEE HIM IN A LEOTARD DAMMIT

He has darker skin than the other members which people used to make fun of him for and still do comment on, but he says he loves it and he is proud of his body :’) we are too bby!!


Other random facts

EXO originally had 12 members but 3 left and we’re not going to talk about it okay? okay

- Chen and Xiumin are married best friends. Xiumin actually said in an interview that Chen is “like my wife” 

- Sehun is now officially Lord Oh Sehun of Glencoe, Scotland because his fans are the most Extra and purchased the estate for his birthday :’) 

- Chanyeol once folded one hundred paper cranes for his girlfriend as a gift, but in the middle of doing this, she called him and broke up with him

- Baekhyun can’t cook for shit but at least he’s pretty 

- Kai is dating F(X)’s Krystal 

- Kyungsoo once said to the camera that he is “not pure” 

- Yixing starred in a gay sci-fi movie where he and this other dude have a baby

- Suho is a health nut. Just like how girls always have pads and tampons on them, Suho has multivitamins 


For @the-porcelain-doll-xo because I’m the friend that wants to drag you into hell with me, and I can’t wait for you to get into EXO ahhhhh ily <33

♛ —————— FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR SENTENCE STARTERS.

’ I’m gonna pop that little zit when I get home. ’
’ You must have been an athlete in your thinner days. ’
’ Hey, hey, lets stick to the topic okay? ’
’ You know, I’d be happy to perscribe something for that. ’
’ Between you and the humpty dance, I’ll have to get a metal plate on my butt. ’
’ Hey, you wanna go to the club with us tonight? ’
’ Well, someone has her/his rude hat on tonight. ’
’ I’m starvin’. When do we eat here? ’
’ I think you’ve been deprived of oxygen at birth. ’
’ You’re the man. I’m just the man behind the man. ’
’ Man, have I told you how thin you’re lookin’ lately? ’
’ How can I forget? He was wearing my purple suit. ’
’ I was going to drop by and check on the, the thing. ’
’ Aren’t you a little overdressed? ’
’ What kind of idiot picks a password no one can guess? ’
’ Then how do you explain becoming a lawyer? ’
’ Excuse me, what’s a nine-letter word for “Terrific?” ’
’ I’m sick of being such a big loser. ’
’ When the press hears about this they’re going to have a field day. ’
’ You know, I was looking through your police file, and bingo! ’
’ Oh wake up, knucklehead. ’
’ Well, you know I never had a good imagination. ’
’ I never even had imaginary friends when I was a kid. ’
’ Ain’t no thang but a chicken wing. ’
’ I noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to put you on notice. ’
’ That’s called prudent planning. ’
’ I’m still exhausted from last night. ’
’ All I asked you to do was a little yard work. ’
’ What’s that hideous thing growing out of your neck? ’
’ Could you drop me off at the beach? ’
’ My fault, man! I must have got the wrong crib. ’
’ I’m sorry! I thought you were all asleep! ’
’ Look, now, everybody calm down. False alarms happen all the time. ’
’ Trust is a very fragile thing… ’
’ I’m as big as a house. All I want to do is lie in bed and eat pie. ’
’ I mean, we must all do our parts to protect the environment. ’
’ Why, I never knew it was such a problem. ’
’ Where should I make a donation? ’
’ You know, ain’t like I’m still five years old, you know? ’
’ Sarcasm? Whatever do you mean? ’
’ Whoa, hold on mister, you’re all over the map! ’
’ Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet. ’
’ Those things are stupid. What does mine say? ’
’ My horoscope says that I’m gonna be a famous rapper with a TV show. ’
’ I’m too ashamed to talk about it, it’s better if I show you… ’
’ You did a porno movie? ’
’ If you’re serious, I could make some calls. ’
’ There’s something I need to tell you. ’
’ I was keeping them in case I needed them… ’
’ How could you be so stupid? ’
’ You know you shouldn’t be messing with drugs! ’
’ Somebody gave them to me at school. ’
’ My son/daughter could have died because of you! ’
’ I got the cake you wanted for the family reunion. ’
’ It’s round, it’s rubber and you’ll never use it! ’
’ You say you want things but you’re never willing to work for it! ’
’ You’re a slacker. You never make the sacrifice. ’
’ Do you remember our first date? ’
’ Well, I think you should run along and play. ’
’ You have no integrity, no decency, and you’re really, really short! ’
’ Come on, I gotta get you to the hospital! ’
’ Something terrible has happened, man! ’
’ I never thought losing my virginity would be this painful! ’
’ Look, you gotta promise you’re not gonna overreact… ’
’ Those pills that you took weren’t vitamins. ’
’ What could be worse than finding out I’m still a virgin? ’
’ Oh, my God. I’m a drug addict and a virgin! ’
’ I don’t touch greasy, disgusting things! ’
’ And for your information, dinner comes first! ’
’ Oh, it’s like that, right? You’re just gonna slam garbage at me! ’
’ I’m going to be watching you like a shadow! ’
’ I love bugs and I love death. I love oozing flesh wounds! ’
’ I have been calling you for fifteen minutes. Didn’t you hear me? ’
’ Did you just put super glue in my hair gel? ’
’ I’m also getting tired of the short jokes. I’m average height. ’
’ If you were me, you’d be good looking. ’
’ You’re not in touch with anybody's feminine side. ’
’ You’re gonna embarrass me when I become the new co-host. ’
‘ It’s not a doll, it’s an action figure! ’
’ I’ve been studying self-defense. ’
’ I’m just trying to recall what it felt like to be fifteen. ’
’ It was so long ago, how could you remember? ’
’ I’m just so upset, I’m saying things I don’t even mean. ’
’ You know something? This is all your fault. ’
’ What is that, like the theme of this family? ’
’ Knowing my luck, I might run into a disgruntled postal worker. ’
’ Y'all know ain’t no little bullet gonna stop me. ’
’ What does that have to do with anything? ’
’ Have you ever crushed any one? ’
’ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ’
’ What do you mean I didn’t get the job? ’
’ Well, you tell those little brats I don’t like them either! ’
’ What does it look like I’m doing? I’m gambling. ’
’ You stole my wallet? How much do we have? ’
’ Um… You a little freaky-deeky, ain’t you? ’
’ I think you’ve been smokin’ a little bit too much of that catnip. ’
’ I’m a little uncomfortable with nudity. ’
’ Oh, for God’s sake, would you leave already? ’
’ Oh, we have to have a special going away dinner for you. ’
’ Well, it’s got ceiling-to-floor doors, and wall-to-wall floors. ’
’ You can’t see my apartment, because I don’t have one. ’
’ That just doesn’t sound right coming from me, does it? ’
’ This is a stick with a snake wrapped around it. ’
’ You ain’t ever gonna change! ’
’ I’m getting the last word! ’
’ You’re not age appropriate for this party. ’
’ Haven’t you learned anything from all of this? ’
’ Doesn’t anyone care about how I feel? ’
’ I never say that. It’s make like a banana and split. ’
’ Come on people, I weigh the same I weighed back in high school. ’
’ I hope you like that system, because you’re gonna be seeing a lot more of it in your life. ’

mikiri  asked:

Microfill: Cuddle Puddle! Someone got out of the Healing Pod and everyone wants to cuddle.

i’m sure this ‘someone’ will come as a big surprise. :)

When Shiro stumbles out of the cryopod, shivering and kitten-weak, the team is ready for him.

Keith and Hunk are first by Shiro’s side. Hunk wraps Shiro in a blanket immediately, the fabric warm and fresh from the space-heater Pidge built to live in the infirmary. Shiro burrows gratefully into the warmth. With Keith’s help, he staggers down to sit on the steps, blinking rather owlishly at the sudden light. Keith presses up against his side as Hunk drapes a second blanket over Shiro’s shoulders, just in case.

“You,” Pidge announces, hands on her hips as she bends down to exactly nose-height with Shiro, “are not allowed to do that again.”

“Noted,” Shiro croaks.

Lance snickers and butts Pidge gently out of the way, pressing a steaming mug into Shiro’s hands. “Here you go, Shiro. Drink up.”

“Thank you.” Shiro sniffs at the mug’s contents curiously, at first content to just hold the warmth in his hands. “What happened? What time is it?”

“Mid-afternoon,” Keith supplies. Shiro takes his first sip, humming with delighted surprise. Hunk beams, large hands bracing Shiro’s shoulders. Keith waits until Shiro’s taken a second and then a third sip of the hot chocolate before he clarifies: “Mid-afternoon, three days later.”

Shiro chokes.

“Don’t kill him!” Lance exclaims, quick-wrapping his hands around Shiro’s before Shiro can drop the mug. “He just got out!”

“T-three days?!” Shiro sputters.

“Which is why you aren’t allowed to do that ever again,” Pidge repeats, glaring.

“It was just a scratch,” Shiro protests weakly.

“Sure,” Lance says, “Scratches just so happen to be poisoned all the time. Coran says you were lucky. Don’t put us through that again, man. I’m serious. Keith got all morose and woopy.”

“I did not,” Keith says.

Lance presses the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically, the pose totally ruined by his shit-eating grin. “No, I can’t! I’m not ready to lead Voltron-”

“I’m going to kill you,” Keith growls. He makes no move to get up.

Shiro tilts his head back, locking eyes with Hunk. “Three days?”

“Three days,” Hunk confirms. He squeezes Shiro’s shoulders. “Which is why we’re taking the rest of the day off. Allura and Coran said the poison’s all gone, but you might be a little weak for a day or so.”

Shiro frowns down at his mug as if it would contain answers (or better yet, a fast forward button for recovery). “Do we have time?”

“We’re making time,” Keith says, firmly.

“That’s the leader-Keith we all know and love,” Lance crows. “Shiro, hurry up and finish your drink. We’ve got plans.”

Shiro blinks. “Plans?”


“Would you look at that,” Coran comments softly, several vargas later.

All five of the Paladins are fast asleep in the main lounge, limbs akimbo and sprawled heavy in slumber. Shiro’s stretched out the length of the curving couch, snoring peacefully. Pidge is curled up practically on his chest, glasses set neatly on top of the couch and guarded by four snoozing mice. Keith’s fast asleep along Shiro’s right, body twisted in a way that shouldn’t be physically possible but somehow keeps all of him on the couch and not the floor. Lance is on Shiro’s other side, squished comfortably between Shiro and the couch; Hunk’s asleep right next to him, legs tangled up with both Shiro’s and Lance’s. A soft pile of blankets covers all five of them, artistically tossed and kicked loose to not cover noses or the occasional foot. The light of the softly playing ‘moo-vee’ washes over faces and hair, highlighting shadows lined in sleep.

Allura smiles fondly, gesturing Coran down the hall so as to not wake their sleeping friends. “I suppose we can ask Shiro tomorrow if he is feeling better. Coran, what is the matter?”

“Oh, nothing.” Coran sniffs, indeed wiping away a nostalgic tear. “Just thinking. The Paladins of new, just like the Paladins of old!”

Allura sniffs too, more of a huff as she folds her arms. “Oh, Coran. My father never had slumber parties in the lounge.”

“Ah, the innocence of youth,” Coran says, fondly, and puts his arm around Allura’s shoulders as they head off down the hall.

Some Things I Wish Were Told to Me on My Period

For all my trans-bros who are also going through Shark Week, Manstruation, or simply put, your Man Period, these are some things that you should know, that I wish were told to me earlier.


-No one can see your pads or tampons through your pants.

-If you’re using a male (or female) bathroom, go during lunch. There are typically not as many people or no one will notice, since they’re caught up in the hustle and bustle of food.

-Take care of yourself. Don’t worry too much about what you eat at this time, since your body needs replenished nutrients.

-Wear sweatpants. They’re comfy and still masculine as heck.

-Be more cautious with your binding. Your chest may be more swollen during this time of the month, so maybe reduce the times that you use it.

-You ARE allowed a day off. Periods are living hell for anyone, but dysphoria does make it a lot worse.

-Take a deep breath. You’ll get through this.

-YOU ARE VALID. You’re looking handsome as hell today, good work. I love you bro.

Best regards,
Kai

I don’t know if I’ve talked about this on here before but my favorite thing about The Last of Us is the fact that Ellie, attacked and nearly beaten unconscious by a man who apparently wants to rape, kill, and/or eat her, grabs a machete and just fucking lays into him like she’s chopping down a tree with a dull butter knife.

and, okay, the entire time this fight is going on, we’ve seen Joel making his way to the building they’re fighting in. and the game makes you think, oh great, Scruffy Thirty-Something Action Hero Man is going to show up and save the Small Vulnerable Teenage Girl, how original. except he doesn’t. by the time he gets there the creepy fucker is already dead and Ellie is just getting her frustrations out by relentlessly beating him with the machete like the world’s least appetizing piñata.

and Joel, Gruff Laconic Emotionally-Closed-Off Dude Joel, becomes what? emotional support. he hugs her and tells her everything’s gonna be okay after she’s been through hell and saved her own damn fuckin self thank you very much. I just. I love that so much. inverting tropes is my shit and Ellie is a bamf. thank you.