this makes me smile and cry

Sweater Weather

SUMMARY  - You read Bucky’s diary after an unfortunate event .

WARNINGS - ANGST , DEATH ( I maybe cried a little while writing this)

Sorry in advance . 

A/N - This is for Annie’s @hellomissmabel 1K celebration shuffle challenge . 

Taw @supersoldierslover Thank you so much babe . 

Everything in italics is from Bucky’s journal. 

MASTERLIST 

Originally posted by merci-angel

I was scared . I didn’t know what to say and if I had to say anything at all. I felt extremely uncomfortable with the number of people around me . I felt guilt . I didn’t understand why they would welcome me to their house after everything I had done . You were the last person Steve introduced me to. The wide smile and the genuine sparkle in your eyes gave me comfort . I hoped to stay away from you in fear of hurting you too like I did to the other in the room .

  All I am is a man
I want the world in my hands
I hate the beach
But I stand in California with my toes in the sand

Well , at first I tried to stay away but wasn’t very effective . You seemed comfortable around me , no hesitance in sparking up a conversation or just sitting next to me watching the television . Your soft smile directed towards me every time our eyes met made me happy for some reason . It gave me ease. My otherwise tense body would slouch a little and I would breathe lighter . It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I didn’t know what to do when you feel asleep on my shoulder . I just sat there looking at how peaceful you looked hoping that one day I could sleep as sound as you were.

Use the sleeves of my sweater
Let’s have an adventure
Head in the clouds but my gravity’s centered
Touch my neck and I’ll touch yours
You in those little high waisted shorts, o

It has been a few months here now and I feel settled . Well you make me feel that way . And the others too have shown so much acceptance that I will forever be grateful . I have become welcoming to touches and conversations. Maybe it is just me but I feel that for some reason you spend a lot of time with me . I like it . I like to think that you care for me . Sam and I don’t really get along that well but I still like him because I heard him giving an earful to an agent who said that I was a monster and I killed people and that I was dangerous . Man !!! I have never seen him so angry . I was very happy to know he cared too .

  She knows what I think about
And what I think about
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that wouldn’t wanna tell you about no

I didn’t really expect Tony to ever talk to me after discovering the truth that  I had killed his parents . But today , he started working on a prosthetic arm for me and he called me to his lab . He was so gentle touching my arm . I couldn’t get the guilt off myself and I found tears rolling down my eyes while I whispered ‘I’m sorry .’   He said nothing . He just hugged me . I didn’t think I deserved such kindness but it eased me mind and heart . He just patted my shoulder and walked out of the lab .

  ‘Cause it’s too cold whoa
For you here and now
So let me hold whoa
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

So…..It been some time since I flirted with somebody . And it was a little surprising to know that girls are pretty good at it . In my time it was the guy who had to woo the ladies . But I didn’t really mind the other way around . Not that I would recognise it if someone actually flirted with me . ‘Listen to me dude , I know for sure she likes you.’ Sam whispered into my ear while we were all sitting in the common room having dinner . I looked at Steve for some help . ‘ I think so too . I mean , she’s been pretty flirty with you lately .’ He said shrugging . Flirty??? You flirted with me??  I liked you but never did I think you would like me back . I found myself blushing every time you looked at me after this new found information .

  And if I may just take your breath away
I don’t mind if there’s not much to say
Sometimes the silence guides our minds to
So move to a place so far away

I tried ok? I tried to be cool and flirt back but even I was cringing at my horrible attempts . I was hoping that the charm back in the 40’s would come back but they didn’t . But thank fucking god you were good at it . ‘ Would you ….Would you like to go on a date with me Bucky?’ you asked and I truly couldn’t my ears . I was screaming and jumping in joy all in my mind . I could only nod with a wide smile etched on my face .

  The goosebumps start to raise
The minute that my left hand meets your waist
And then I watch your face
Put my finger on your tongue
'Cause you love the taste yeah

It was the most wonderful 4 months of my life . I couldn’t be happier . Laying beside you on the bed with you wearing my maroon sweater with your head on my chest made me want to stay like this forever . It’s the best night of sleep I have ever gotten . I couldn’t take the images of last night from my head . The feel of your lips against my body , your soft hands running over my scars , looking at them like they are the most beautiful scars you have ever seen . They once made me feel ashamed of myself , a constant reminder of the day I turned into someone I hate now . But you make them look like battle scars . Like I endured all this pain and came out alive .

  These hearts adore,
Every other beat the other one beats for
Inside this place is warm
Outside it starts to pour

2 years and I still get butterflies in my tummy when you smile . I hope I can always see you smiling that way .I hope I save you from the horrors of the world and keep you say . I will never let anyone make you cry . I found myself blankly staring at you and wondering how the fuck I got so lucky .

Coming down
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that I wouldn’t wanna tell you about, no no

After everything I did I didn’t think I would have a chance at a normal life much less a chance at love . But you….uhhhh I don’t know what to say . I could have never imagined the life I am living today . I want to hold you in my arms and cherish you forever . That’s when it hit me…..

 Cause it’s too cold whoa
For you here
And now
So let me hold whoa
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

It wasn’t just Steve who was helping me out but it was also Nat , Wanda and Sam. How the fuck did they even know ?? Steve and Sam were mostly useless since they only teased me all the time but Nat and Wanda actually gave me tips . Nat helped me pick out the ring and Wanda helped me out in calming my nerves and helping me with the speech . I had to get this all ready before the mission and Tony also promised me that he would make a romantic atmosphere on the roof for when I come back so that my proposal could be the best .

'Cause it’s too cold whoa
For you here and now
So let me hold whoa
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater
 

I was going to be off to the mission by tomorrow morning and I knew I will miss you a lot . So I kept you close to me all day . Kissed you and hugged you every chance I could get . And at night I when I found you on the bed hugging my sweater to your chest already asleep I pulled you against me chest and fell asleep . I wanted to tell you before I went but you were fast asleep and I didn’t want to disturb you . I can’t wait to get back .

But he didn’t . Well technically he did get back . But he didn’t get back alive . You held the book against your  chest , tears flowing down your face staining the sweater as your body shook violently against Steve’s chest . You didn’t understand how he was able to contain himself . You knew he was dying inside . So were you .You couldn’t believe it . How could this happen? It’s not true !! Bucky can’t be dead!! He said he’s come back . He said he’d propose to you .

“Steve??? Please!!!! Bring him back !!! He wouldn’t leave me like this . He loves me !!!” You cried turning around to face Steve ,clutching his shirt shaking him trying to get him to speak . But he didn’t . He just wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close as he silently cried .

You pushed him away .

“Steve!!! He’s…..He’s not dead . I love him . He..he…..please….” You begged . You couldn’t accept the fact that he is gone . The man that you love , you will never be able to see again .

Everybody’s heart broke to see you this way , Tony wanted to come and console you but he couldn’t get himself to do it . He was in shock too .

“Do you want to see him?” Steve asked softly as he wiped his tears with the back of his hand .

You shook you head no . “ No.. I don’t ….My Bucky is dead Steve!! Our Bucky is dead Steve…I…” He pulled you back against his chest as you sobs grew louder . You stayed there hoping that this was all just a nightmare . You kept staring at the door hoping that Bucky would run through it and kiss you . Hoping that he would hold you against him as you slept . But that never came . Steve slowly lifted you and took you to where Bucky’s body was kept . You felt nauseous . The tears crept back in threatening to spill.

And they did as soon as you saw his lifeless body on the bed . You couldn’t go closer . You didn’t want to touch him and make it all real . Still hoping that this was a horrible nightmare .

The next few days went so quick. You had no time to register what was happening around you . You just went with the flow and so did Steve . Still unable to accept that he lost his best friend for the second time.

After the funeral and everything you came back to your room and hopped on your bed . That’s when you realised . This was all true . Bucky is gone . Your breathing became heavier as you head started to ache . His sweater on the pillow , and you bought it to your body . You turned around not able to look at the empty place on the bed next to you . The book that you had read had a box on top of it which caught your eye . You knew what it was . But you couldn’t …you couldn’t look at it . You didn’t want to look at it . The reality of never seeing him ever again , never hearing his voice , never able to touch him , never able to look into his blue eyes again but most importantly look at his beautiful smile that you would die for. And even though you had his sweater with you , you felt cold . Cold and empty. 

Life is cruel. As soon as it gave him a second chance it snatched it away from him .

It’s too cold,
It’s too cold
The holes of my sweater
 


LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS FIC . AND IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGS SEND IN AN ASK OR COMMENT . 


@justareader @buckyappreciationsociety @topkay @hopelessgarbage @melconnor2007 @magellan-88 @mcfuccfairy @psychicwitchphilosopher @the-witching-hours12-3 @badassbaker @superantonija @elwenia @elwin-smaragd @mytrueself @panickedpandaposts @tol-sam @emilyevanston @always-an-evans-addict @mjcumberbatch @crazybutcollected @yknott81 @winterboobaer @chipilerendi @aingealcethlenn @hollycornish @iamwarrenspeace @mrshopkirk @sexy-sea-basss @thewinterswimmer @cassandras-musings @imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @alwaysbella @purplekitten30 @supernatural-girl97 @melissalovesmusicyay @riddikuluslyemily @4theluvofall @colorfulv @s8sense @booksb4boys69 

The crossed ones tumblr didn’t let me tag . Sorry . 

BTS reaction | Walking down the aisle

oxunicornqueenxo said:Walking down the aisle?????

Author: I wasn’t sure if you meant their reaction to themselves walking down the aisle or their reaction to You walking down the aisles. But, I hope you like it. 


Kim Seokjin

Here I stood. My heart beating faster than the speed of light. I took a look at all of the witnesses and I smiled. All of them were here in support of us. They supported our love and our vision. Suddenly the entrance open and she step out. She became the only being in the whole room. The loud noises, the audience and the priest were all gone. She gave me that smile. The smile that heightens the beat of my heart. My hand cover my heart and the beatings shook it. Finally she made it me. Me. she was willingly giving herself to me. 

Originally posted by ksjknj

Min Yoongi 

It takes a lot to make someone like me cry. But, the minute she came in the room. So sure and ready to make her way to me. tears fell out of my eyes. It was tears of pure joy. She wanted me. She picked me. When she finally made her way to my side, I simultaneously grab her hands as she and they were going to me mine. 

Originally posted by yoongichii

Jung Hoseok

My heart was beating in a way that I wasn’t sure was normal. The beating grew when she came into the room. She then smile, killing me 3,000 times. Didn’t she know what that smile do to me? Her pearls white and her two crooked front teeth, which she hated while I liked. She killed me another 3,000 more when she came to me and took my hands. 

Originally posted by syubbed

Park Jimin

I waited years for this moment. The moment when the woman that you love, put on a white dress and walk down the aisle to you. You are then blessed and promised happily ever after. Here I was, waiting for her. I was so excited that I couldn’t stop smiling. My cheeks were starting to hurt, I didn’t care. The entrance door flew open and she entered the room. Her dress white and decorated with diamonds.  I couldn’t stop staring.  I stared at her beauty. I was so engaged by her beauty that I didn’t even noticed that she had already made her way to me and was waiting for me. 

“Mr. Park?”

I ignored the priest and locked eyes with my soon to be wife. 

Originally posted by jiminiminii

Kim Namjoon

Tears were threatening to come out of my eyes and I was battling it. I shouldn’t cry. Today was a good day. Today, the woman that I love was going to be my wife. Why cry? I’d ruin my face and she’ll get worried. I didn’t want her to be worried. Especially on her wedding day. The entrance door open and she stepped in. Flower in her hand and in her wedding dress. she out shined EVERYBODY in the room. A few steps later, she was by my side and when we locked eyes. The tears fell. 

Originally posted by namjoonsgurl

Jeon Jungkook

“I love her. I love her.  I love her.” I chant in my head.  She was a few steps away from me and I was blazing with excitement. I wanted to marry her the minute  my eyes landed on her and here she was today. Walking up to be with me. To marry me and be my wife. 

Originally posted by yourpinkpill

Kim Taehyung  

Of course the minute that she stepped into the room in her wedding dress I started balling like a little bitch. Yet, I wasn’t embarrassed. I had the rights to cry. I was full of happiness. I could express it anyway that I wanted. The woman that I love was walking down the aisle to be with me. To be my wife. To be my happily ever after. 

Originally posted by vhope

* ALSO DON’T FORGET TO SUBMIT STUFF IN. My ask box is always open.“

anonymous asked:

sad shawn please

Good Lord, sad Shawn makes me want to cry. Okay guys, buckle your seat belts we’re about to go down Sad Shawn City.

Heres a heartbroken Shawn imagine if you need it –> (X)

  • When Shawn’s sad, it’s not just him that feels broken. It’s breaks your heart, making you feel broken as well.
  • You don’t see the perfect, genuine smile.
  • You don’t see his brown eyes light up the room.
  • You don’t see the enthusiasm or passion.
  • The songs he writes and sings are nothing but negative, but that’s how he lets it out.
  • When he cries, its like the most precious and fragile thing broken into a million tiny pieces. 
  • His whimpers and sobs, pull on your heart string in a bad way.
  • His large hands covering his puffy wet eyes tremble.
  • He doesn’t even have the will to cry on the bed, he lays back against the wall, and slowly sinks to the floor bringing his knees to his chest.
  • Tugging his hair because he’s that frustrated.
  • But don’t get me wrong this isn’t like Humpty Dumpty. Where all the kings men couldn’t put him together again.
  • You could, along with his family, closest friends, and music. But you of all people, is the one person he’ll truly let out all his emotions and thoughts to. In a way that he couldn’t with his music
  • “Y/N…I just…just hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Tell me that no matter what happens, we’ll be okay.”

Okay my heart hurts now…whose got tissues?

i’ve been thinking about emotions a lot lately. i just realised i’m alive, merely surviving but alive. i don’t think many of us deep that people lose their lives every day. however in realising i’m alive, i realised i have an amazing repertoire of emotions that colour my existence, for better or worse. remorse, joy, fear, sadness et al but most importantly, love. love is something, you know? it can make you perform all sorts of self-sacrificial acts. it can make you cry, smile, make you feel light and also make you feel crap about yourself. sometimes i feel stupid for choosing to love people who hurt or speak badly of me. other times i feel really good for loving them, just because God is love. but yeah, love is some extra emotion (really extra) that i feel blessed to always feel because there’s no greater emotion than love. because i know even when i have nothing to give, that’s all i can offer. because i know the love i show towards others will be reciprocated, in the most random of ways more than i could ever imagine. besides, all that is good flows from the love we feel and the love we give out, right? if there’s love, there’s grace. and grace is a state of awakening to the gifts of life. hence, i stay winning regardless. the end :)

from the inside out it rung me. like the melody of a song that you play over and over even though it makes you cry. the hope that perhaps there is more than just this swirled inside me like the warmest of hurricanes, the idea that perhaps the glisten in someone’s eyes or the irrefutable warmth of their smile could heal a lifetime of wounds.
—  human
youtube

In markiplier’s most recent video, he asked all of us to share our favorite video of his to remember why we followed him. To share the memories of babyface mark.

I watched this video probably 4 or 5 years ago. It was probably 2 in the morning, and instead of crying and cutting, I watched this video and laughed and was happy.

At that time it was rare for me to be happy, and I just want to say thank you @markiplier for making me smile.

Happy birthday and thanks again,

A long time fan who has grown and changed right along side of you

2

Agents of H.E.A.R.T.E.Y.E.S.  😍 😍 😍

Raise your hand if you would marathon the hell out of a TWD spin-off of Daryl and Carol that mainly consisted of them being domestic as shit and making heart eyes at each other.

I know I’m not the only one.  

Anybody?   

6

request a gifset - jackson & members being affectionate with each other for anon

‘Why do you love me? What is there to love in someone like me? Please, tell me why you’re so fond of me because honestly? I don’t get it.’

I was perplexed how could he not see why?

‘I love you because you’re you.

I love you because when you smile, your lips always tilt slightly to the left. When you smile your amazingly sharp canines peek through giving you a juvenile look. When you smile, your ever present dimples show more — if that’s even possible —. When you smile, your eyes crease at the edges and your beautiful eyes become slits of pure joy.

I love you because when you laugh, you tilt your head backwards. When you laugh, you always close your eyes. When you laugh, you grasp your stomach and bend over. When you laugh, you always end in a deep sigh and smile after wards, you grasp my face in yours and kiss me as if we’ll never kiss again.

I love you because when I do something you like, you giggle. When I do something you like, you’ll caress my hair and pat my cheeks. When I do something you like, you look at my lips and say, “I fucking love you”. When I do something you like, your eyes bore into mine and I see a flame ignite in them.

I love you because when you’re concentrated you furrow your eyebrows. When you’re concentrated you tongue pokes out of your delicious lips and glides over them. When you’re concentrated, you tend to break out of it for a slight second and do that 'hmmph’ sound you know I like just to give yourself a small break. When you’re concentrated, you grab something to eat with your left hand and bring it to the right side of your mouth and proceed to take a bite.

I love you because when you kiss me, you grab my face with both hands. When you kiss me, one hand pulls on my hair, while the other runs its thumb across my cheek. When you kiss me, you always do a series of multiple pecks after we end making out. When you kiss me, I can feel you smile and let out small giggles of content. When you kiss me, you hold my face in your palms and look at me for a good while then you tell me I’m beautiful.

I love you because when you hug me, you hold me for a long time. When you hug me, you grasp me firmly with both of your strong arms. When you hug me, you use one hand to rub my back. When you hug me, you put your face in the crook of my neck and breathe in my scent. When you hug me, you won’t let me go until we’ve embraced each other tightly.

I love you because when you talk about something you love you smile the whole time. When you talk about something you love, you tend to look down at your hands. When you talk about something you love, you furrow your eyebrows and smirk a little. When you talk about something you love, you let out small sighs of happiness. When you talk about something you love, you always tilt your head to side and shrug your shoulders at the end because you get embarrassed at your enthusiasm.

I love you because when you make me blush, you tease me about it. When you make me blush you put your hands on my cheeks and remark, 'baby your cheeks are hot’ at which point I reply, 'no they’re not, I don’t know what you’re talking about’. When you make me blush you look at my cheeks and smile and say 'baby you’re blushing’. When you make me blush you hold me down and ask me why knowing damn well that makes me blush more.

I love you because when you tell me stories about your past, you say them in a low voice as if speaking louder will make them come back. When you tell me stories about your past, you always hug me and won’t let me go. When you tell me stories about your past, you run your hands through your hair because you know you might cry. When you tell me stories about your past you always mutter the phrase, 'why am I even telling you this?’ And we both know it’s because you love me, and you want me to know what I’m getting into.

I love you because when you notice I’m sad, you’ll look at me and poke my cheeks until I smile. When you notice I’m sad you tell me 'stop being a taco without the shell’ because you know I’ll laugh. When you notice I’m sad, you’ll hug me and tell me you love me. When you notice I’m sad, you’ll ruffle my hair and whisper in my ear, 'Tina eat your goddamn food’, because that llama is our spirit animal.’

I love you for so many reasons, if I listed them all, this poem would never end.

The best way to put it is, I love you because you’re you.

—  Beauty in IT /// I love you because…