this makes me reflect about my self

i think one of the main things ive told myself to always remember for this year and from now on was the conversation tatianna and rupaul had on rupaul’s drag race. tatianna says, “never try to win over the naysayers and the haters, put all of your energy into impressing the people who were supporters of you from the beginning. 

then rupaul continued and said, “ i aint got time for the people who hate me, im too busy loving the people who love me.”

i hope you guys will remember this too for whatever you do. be with people that make you feel important, don’t chase people that wont ever give you the time of day.

8 Ways to be More Productive with Less Effort

1.Sort out your priorities. Make time to honestly reflect on your life, and to think about what is important to you. Where are you going? What do you want? What are the steps that will take you there?

2. Focus on the essential tasks. Next, think about your short term responsibilities. Ask yourself: “Out of all the tasks that I have to do, which will get me the greatest return for my time and effort?” Make a list of these types of tasks — they’re your most important things to do this week.

3. Eliminate what you can. Now look at your list. What on the list is not essential? Is there anything there that you can drop from your schedule, delegate to someone else, or put on a “waiting list”. Often when we review these non-essentials later, we find they weren’t necessary at all.

4. Do essential tasks first. Begin each day by doing the two most important tasks. Don’t wait until later in the day as they’ll get pushed aside to make time for other stuff that arises throughout the day. You’ll find that if you do these tasks right away, your productivity will really increase.

5. Eliminate distractions. If you allow yourself to be constantly interrupted by email notifications, IM, cell phones, social media and so on, then you’ll never be productive. Turn them and, if you can, disconnect yourself from the internet.

6. Keep it simple. Don’t waste time on applications that are meant to organise your schedule. Make a simple to-do list with a word document, or with some paper and a pen. Then get started on whatever work you had planned on doing.

7. Do one thing at a time. In most situations, multi-tasking slows you down. You can’t get things done with a million things demanding your attention. Focus on what’s in front of you, to the exclusion of all else. That way, you are likely to achieve more, in less time, and with less effort.

8. Make time for honest reflection. At the end of the day, reflect on what you have achieved. Make sure you affirm yourself for your hard work. Think about possible changes you need to make - and commit to keep going, and aiming for your goal.

Karmanised love

The way she loves makes me afraid at night. These lonely thoughts of having this kind of love in my life. She’s everything I could wish for and even more. Never felt about love like this before. I can’t even describe the way she makes me feel. And still I can’t believe this thing is real.

But how ?

Why me ? Why now ?

All these questions…
I think i’m scared of self reflection.

-Claidel Hoyacarnosa

I spent so much time growing up worrying about my appearance. Self conscious. Hesitant. Constantly struggling with how others would perceive me. This lead to anxieties and unhealthy behaviors.

It’s amazing to look in the mirror now and know that I’m ok. I had nothing to worry about. I’m fine. Fuck everyone else. I like me. I just wish I didn’t waste so many years trying to make others accept me, most of which I don’t even know or talk to anymore.

Listen… if you are reading this… please know this: You are beautiful and special. Don’t hide who you are. Don’t dress how you feel you should. Live your life for you. You will be happier and you will attract the people who matter.

To the days I never thought I would get through:
it turns out I did.
bloody knees and scared wrists are enough proof of the battles I have fought.
mostly within myself.
always caught between self hatred and learning to love myself. it turns out, hatred was always stronger. in the tug o war of emotions hatred had more people on their team. more reasons to belittle my worth. more excuses to not try. and so I did not try.
I began to settle for second best. stared at my reflection in the mirror long enough to understand that there are things quite hard to love here.
understanding doesn’t always make it better.
sometimes it is just harder.
whatever they said to me about acceptance turned out to be a lie.
so I accepted that there are things about me far too complicated to really love.
and that didn’t make it better.
at the end of the day, I am still going unloved on the days when my bones are breaking beneath the weight of my desire to be deemed worthy enough of something so beautiful.
at the end of the day, I still haven’t quite learned about what it takes to love myself.

g’bye, trash-ass year!

Well it’s almost 2017 (and IS 2017 for some of y’all) and that is a good time to like. Reflect or whatever. I see people making these sappy posts and that’s awesome and I’ll get to that, I swear, but I think most importantly I oughta start with myself on this.

Hi, self! Okay no more talking directly at me, that’s weird. This has been a trying year. Last year was okay-ish! At least there were meds to help when shit wasn’t so okay! This year has been a return to The Before Times, which is decidedly not good, but I’ve handled it as best I can. I’ve wanted to leave this earth quite a few times, never actually did, and for that I’m proud of me. I’ve learned more about my own personal boundaries and how to voice them. I’ve learned how to be angry without being spiteful and it’s made a huge difference. I can step back from myself, figure out my feelings, do my best to explain them (or not!), and just work shit out. That’s important. I like having grown more as a person and next year I will go even further. Good job, me!

Now. Let’s talk about other people! Most of what I just said wouldn’t have been possible without a lot of external support. And not really being hyperbolic - I would not still be here without a few very special people. Since starting to write fic, since shoving myself into fandom, I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a lot of amazing people. I don’t wanna make this too long or too squishy but…

Keep reading

10:19|Thursday

I woke up with emotions pouring thru my pores. Crazy. Usually, I don’t wake up so full of feelings but today is something. It’s cool. I won’t let it overwhelm me. I do have to adjust some things in my life to make room for more peace and more appreciation for self but that’s really about it. Doing my morning diagnostics on myself, I’m in a good state of being. Well collected vibrations to tide me over until I feel rich again. I’m good today. I’m good :) 

tbh this thing with my parents is more them worrying about me than anything. they know trans people who thought transitioning would completly change their lives and make them different people with different pasts bc they didn’t like how their lives were. i understand where they’re coming from i just have to convince them that like i’ve done years and  years of research and done so much self reflection.

I know what the wrong reasons to transition are, I know what the unrealistic expectations are and I know exactly what testosterone will do to me. I know everything there is to know without actually going ahead with it. hopefully i can talk 2 them today altho honestly like these conversatins r so draining 

the emo follower milestone post no one asked for (tldr: thanks for 2100)


look. not to be sappy but i literally revived this blog as a crack blog as i was getting back into kpop after a three year? break

i came back into fandom a much healthier and self-aware person (mostly finally realizing that i could read m/m and also be queer, but also learning a lot about the world and unlearning a lot of problematic racist/sexist shit), which gave me the capacity to be a fan in healthier and better ways (being able to stan girl groups! realizing i desire healthy relationships and want to reflect that! knowing when to stay in my lane for my own well-being, and when to stand up for what i think!)

anyway i started making gifs for fun and since then ive made entirely too many gifs and had so many great convos with people so. this means a lot to me. thank u

Highlights From Today
  • Didn’t leave bed until like 5pm
    • Magical
  • Spent my ‘morning’ talking to @greensunprincess about what kind of pornography different Exalted OCs enjoy
    • Marian’s gross
    • Harmony collects porn like normal people collect trading cards
  • Got addicted to a new phone game
    • Love phone games they make me feel nice
  • Ate 2 whole personal Pizzas
  • Got to enjoy a beautiful preview of my latest commission
  • Marathoned a bunch of episodes of Ice Fantasy
    • It’s a Chinese Fantasy Drama on Netflix
    • It’s really good
    • I’m going to make Ice Fantasy OCs and no one can stop me
    • Mandarin is a beautiful language
  • Worried about absolutely nothing

It was a good day

1 year

Makes a difference I guess.
I’ve been making sure to avoid making any “new year reflection” posts. Because it’s been a fucking awful year.

This time last year I was suffering through the worst breakup of my life. I had put plans into motion to end my own life. I was about to learn that someone I had considered a friend for the better part of a decade, had in fact been sleeping with my ex….and then been told by several people and shown screenshotted proof that he cheated on me with her. I was self harming regularly. I was in hospital because of it. I was nearly sectioned.
The year passed with huge panic attacks and major depressive episodes and I’ve been out of work ever since because I just cannot cope with any pressure or deadlines or complete tasks or even leave my bed most times. I genuinely thought I wouldn’t survive the year.
Anyway. So now I’m here in 2017. I haven’t cut myself in nearly a year though I have slipped into bad habits lately of other self harm practices….. I’ve spent alot of time reconnecting with some old friends and pushing my own limits to be able to spend time with them. I have so much support from my friends it’s amazing I feel very loved.
But I’m worried I’m holding myself back just by being ill. My great uncle has passed and he’s getting cremated on Thursday….so I have to see my mother (who I haven’t seen or spoken to in 4 years and I am DREADING seeing her). I’m back into some negative behaviours and I’m still feeling really lonely.

But if I had let those people get to me the way they so nearly did I wouldn’t even have been here to experience some of the most fun times with the most fun people. I’ve made some amazing new friends and I’m even more determined to get out and visit them across the globe.
I’d say at this pace I have another full year of struggling and working on my recovery. Which sucks. But thanks all you lovely people that have messaged me and talked to me and looked after me through this horrible fucking year. ✌

Before I did these collabs, I was really self-conscious of my colouring style.

I thought it was too bright and flat.

But seeing it on other people’s art work makes me appreciate it more and I think I actually like it.

I also found the option in Sketchbook Pro to change the layers to things to soft or hard light, overlay, glow, etc. which has made adding light and shadow way easier.

I still have to do more experimenting with light and shadow and push myself there.

And I think the flatness I worry about come’s from my like work and relying too much on photo refs and not the colouring, like I thought.

But in the same breath, I think my art style is ok.

I’ve come a long way.

I’m happy with it.

onthysleeve replied to your post “onthysleeve replied to your post: subteraneans…”

That’s a tragically underutilized character development arc in fiction imho (“lowkey experiencing a sexual awakening, havin a good time,” I mean). Like for all that it’s usually not sunshine & rainbows 24/7, that feel-good & sorta self-actualizing side of the whole experience can exist even IRL & even for SGA kids(/young adults/adult adults late to discover certain things about themselves) and it would make me smile to see that reflected in art/media more often.

this, this is EXACTLY my line of thinking here and thank you for picking up on this point!! for me and for plenty of SGA kids the realization was not a particularly easy one, but it doesn’t have to be that way. it’s important to see that reflected in fiction – that the understanding of your own SGA sexuality doesn’t have to spell disaster. that this can be something about yourself that you can be content with and proud of.

if homophobia doesn’t exist in the world of YOI, then there’s no need for the characters’ understanding of themselves to be anything but on the side of positive. so if i write anything like that i want it to be done with this sense of–youthful sincerity, i guess? it is sexual, it is, it’s physical so i don’t want to call it anything that implies otherwise, but just–yeah, lowkey, casual, and havin’ a good time. it doesn’t even need to be A Realization with a big bolt from the sky, it’s just, “huh, so that’s what it is”

what’s that one text post….. ”my life got so much better when i realized i was gay”

8 Ways to be More Productive with Less Effort

1.Sort out your priorities. Make time to honestly reflect on your life, and to think about what is important to you. Where are you going? What do you want? What are the steps that will take you there?

2. Focus on the essential tasks. Next, think about your short term responsibilities. Ask yourself: “Out of all the tasks that I have to do, which will get me the greatest return for my time and effort?” Make a list of these types of tasks — they’re your most important things to do this week.

3. Eliminate what you can. Now look at your list. What on the list is not essential? Is there anything there that you can drop from your schedule, delegate to someone else, or put on a “waiting list”. Often when we review these non-essentials later, we find they weren’t necessary at all.

4. Do essential tasks first. Begin each day by doing the two most important tasks. Don’t wait until later in the day as they’ll get pushed aside to make time for other stuff that arises throughout the day. You’ll find that if you do these tasks right away, your productivity will really increase.

5. Eliminate distractions. If you allow yourself to be constantly interrupted by email notifications, IM, cell phones, social media and so on, then you’ll never be productive. Turn them and, if you can, disconnect yourself from the internet.

6. Keep it simple. Don’t waste time on applications that are meant to organise your schedule. Make a simple to-do list with a word document, or with some paper and a pen. Then get started on whatever work you had planned on doing.

7. Do one thing at a time. In most situations, multi-tasking slows you down. You can’t get things done with a million things demanding your attention. Focus on what’s in front of you, to the exclusion of all else. That way, you are likely to achieve more, in less time, and with less effort.

8. Make time for honest reflection. At the end of the day, reflect on what you have achieved. Make sure you affirm yourself for your hard work. Think about possible changes you need to make - and commit to keep going, and aiming for your goal.

Proud (Draco Malfoy x reader)

Hello dears,

I wanted to dedicate this to @secretlittledelights who has been strong and made me so proud after telling me that she hadn’t self-harmed herself in anyway IN 18 MONTHS!  

I am so happy for you, love. Stay amazing!


Request (by @secretlittledelights): you are very talented!! Idk if you would take anoyher request from me but today is my 18 months not starving, purging, or self harming in anyway. and i was wodering if you could make me a draco one where hes proud of your accomplishment cuz he remembered how you used to be? if its being too greedy thats fine im ok :)


(trigger warning; mentions and refers to mental disorders)


Y/N pov

You stared at your reflection. You felt so happy about yourself. There was no self-hatred anymore. You actually felt beautiful. You had been eating normally for over a year now - and knowing that made you smile even on the inside.
A soft tears rolled down your cheek as you turned away from the mirror in your room. Just as you were about to wipe those tears of joy from your cheeks, you got startled by a voice. 

Keep reading

Questioning the Combinations: Capricorn Sun x Virgo Moon

“Describe yourself in a few random words”

Solitude, energy, doubt, concern, perfectionism, speaking fast, sarcasm, self-loathing, pessimism, reflective, psychology.

“What do you like best about your personality?”

01. I’ve always been there for anyone who needed moral support or something like that, trying to lift them up, and I also always consider all the possibilities and make the most rational decision. / 02. People usually compliment me on my kindness and loyalty. / 03. I like that I am perceptive about people.

“What’s most contradicting about your personality?”

01. I tend to be pretty much obsessed with this idea that I will sooner or later “find” myself, as if I’m not whole and still need to constantly add something to an already perfectly functioning me. At the same time i actively know that I am already who I need to be and even if not, i shouldn’t focus on this that much. / 02. I am very much of a perfectionist, but I am also very lazy at times and could not care less. Which is a problem, especially in terms of school.

Okay, so I’m spending today preparing a talk for a college class on HOW TO NOT STARVE TO DEATH as a freelance illustrator, and I’m feeling to need to make a post about contracts and payment for you, dear tumblr. The following pointers are my opinions from ~3 years of freelance illustration and self publishing comics. They do not reflect the experience of every illustrator or artist.

How Much Do You Charge?

So, the biggest question in freelancing, after “How do I find jobs” is “How do I price my work?” Generally I price my work by determining an hourly rate, estimating how many hours it will take me to complete the project, and multiplying the rate by that estimate. I also write a detailed contract that protects me from a groundhog day of edits and misery, which I will talk about later. Hourly Rate X Estimated time + Materials

Things to consider when Determining What Hourly Rate To Charge: Charge different rates depending on what you can and can’t do with what you make under the contract. The following list is how I define copyright terms, and these terms vary from contract to contract:

  • Non-Exclusive with time limit: You hold the rights and license rights to client under time limit and limitations
  • Perpetual Non-Exclusive: You own the rights and license rights to client without a time limit.
  • Mutual Exclusive Rights: You own rights to what you make, and license rights to the client and only that client. You and the client can both do what you please with the work so long as you don’t sell rights to anyone else.
  • Work for Hire: Rights and licenses belong to the client and not you. Work for hire is a red flag because it means you will have NO OWNERSHIP of what you make under the contract and the client can do whatever they like with it without your input. If you have to do this, charge as much as you can.

It is also perfectly acceptable to consider how much money your client will be making off of your work when determining your hourly rate. In a perfect world we all get paid well and fairly no matter who we work for. Unfortunately sometimes it’s smart to take into account what your client is getting out of this financially, and what they can afford to pay. I have different rates for non-profits than I do for corporations. If someone is making a lot of money off of my work I feel that should apply to me too. If I’m doing a drawing for a volunteer run organization I believe strongly in I am inclined to offer them a lower rate. It’s also okay to consider how much of a pain in the ass a project is going to be when pricing. If you don’t want to do a job unless it pays enough to make it worth it, don’t do that job unless it pays enough to make it worth it.

Some Contract Tips

First of all, ALWAYS USE A CONTRACT. Not only does it protect you from being taken advantage of, but it is a clear written document that outlines what both parties expect from each other.

Be Very Detailed in Your Work Description: Describe exactly what you are creating for the client, including what you are not responsible for. Most people who hire you for art think what you are really doing is BLACK MAGIC. They have little comprehension of how much time it takes to do what you are doing, or the stages of doing it. Make a very specific timeline. Break it down into small increments, including when you expect to receive feedback from the client. Break down every part of what you are creating. How many images? Will they be in black and white or color? What size will they be? What file format will digital files be sent in? Is original art included in the contract? I could go on and on.

Be very Detailed in Your Copyright Agreement: Make sure your contract is very specific about rights and who can do what. You can customize the specific needs of the job.

  • Third parties: Can you sell the design to third parties? Can your client sell the design to third parties?
  • Portfolio use: Even if the client owns rights to the work, can you use it in your portfolio, website, and social media?
  • Can you use it later? If your contract is non-exclusive, define exactly what that means. What can each party do with the work? Is there a certain amount of time that must pass before you can do something with the work. Many publishers want “First printing rights” but allow you to regain rights to the work after a set amount of time.

Limit Your Number of Edits and Revisions, so that you don’t end up in revision hell. Include a fee system for extra edits and revisions beyond the contract. Make sure to define edits and revisions. I define them as follows:

  • Edits: Small changes such as changing wording in a sentence slightly, or changing a color of a font.
  • Revisions: Large changes such as a re-write on a script, or an panel being re-drawn.

Some people Say Get Paid Half up Front. Sometimes I do this and sometimes I don’t. @erinkwilson made a really a great comic about it though.

Also of note, this is not everything you need to know. It is a few pointers that I have stumbled over and learned from over time. I highly recommend checking out the Graphic Artist’s Guild Handbook of Pricing and Ethical Guidelines.

@shifting-iris :“I felt that way when it sorted me into hufflepuff the first time. But it really made me learn about the house, and now I love it. It also made me examine myself, making me wonder WHAT in me was hufflepuff. It’s…good for self-reflection, I guess.”

i think you’re right– i just feel like this makes me feel like my kindness isn’t genuine, and that i should second-guess my intentions. i don’t feel cunning, or ruthless, or like a natural-born winner or whatever, but maybe that’s me just deluding myself ??? (i also think i’m reading way too far into this test hahahah)

@sportivetricks : “Narcissa Malfoy was pretty badass, just sayin’. Nothing wrong with a little pragmatism.”

hey that’s valid! also yes, the gif is a little spicy aint it ;)

@thesadistdoctor : “welcome home, honey”

ahhhh haha this is sweet and also a little ominous 

@myangelnowings : “Slytherins arnt evil. It’s just a perception. They are sly and cunning and tend to be self centered in their actions, for good and for bad. It’s a great house, just like the rest of them”

oh for sure, i know they are a great house. i just feel like woah maybe i just rlly do not know myself at all because none of those things are words i’d use to describe myself (maybe self-centered a bit lol but w/e) 

Been feeling very conflicted/confused as to how my body looks these days. I’ve not lost a significant amount of weight in the last year but have toned up due to work (very physical job) and recently lifting weights.

When changing at the gym, I’m always disappointed and almost shocked when I look in the mirror. At home, I feel chubby but not obese like I do at the gym changing room. While recently shopping at Mac Pac and visiting my boyfriend at the tattoo shop, I was astounded by how tiny I was .. and while walked passed our kitchen doors, I caught my reflection and stared at my small legs for a full 5 minutes …

I don’t know if I’m skinny or average or chubby anymore. I’ve definitely started seeing a difference in my upper legs which makes me super happy because it’s the area I’m most self conscious about. I’m mostly happy with my torso and my arms could be a bit thinner but at least they’re toned.

4

this is… me.

this is me after a long tearful weekend, a long tearful night, a long tearful morning, and a long tearful drive home after breaking up with my supportive ex-boyfriend (now just a good friend). this is me after a few stressful months of consideration, of self reflection, and brute-forced self acceptance. this is me, doing what i imagined myself doing after having a long talk with my mother, but with a lot more pain.

this is me, tired and scared. this is me, relieved. this is me, bipolar and post-traumatic, with a messy room and in mismatched colors. this is me, trying to smile and make faces because i know i’m an ugly crier, because i know that if i laugh, maybe i won’t feel the need to cry as much anymore. this is me, blasting aida nikolaychuk and trying not to think about the next coming years. this is me, with crooked teeth, biting back doubt.

this is me, who dreamed of kissing girls first. this is me, who walked through my home, playing the pretend prince who saved princesses. this is me, who convinced my entire first grade class to write handmade cards to my teacher crush so I could confess my feelings without her knowing. this is me, who decided, in fear, to push those feelings down because they weren’t “right.” this is me, who continued to dream those dreams and think those thoughts no matter how hard I tried not to.

this is me, trying to give myself all the reasons why i can’t be lying. this is me, trying to assuage myself from wondering if i did the right thing. this is me, coming out.

this is me, a lesbian.