this made me so angry recently

anonymous asked:

i told you before but i love you. in all honesty blogs like yours remind me why i am even here. it's so sane, considerate & lovely. fandom makes me feel like ??? a lot recently (along with hitting my head against my table repeatedly because i can't cope with people being angry about everything). there is so much about sh to enjoy and love. this is a FANdom not a SHADE- or BITTERNESSdom. please keep being completely awesome <3

Aww, Anon you just made my day. Not just because you are so sweet to me, but because you perfectly described how I feel, too.

The fandom is a weird place right now, one day I absolutely adore it, the next I want to go around and slap some sense into people when they are acting ridiculous. I don’t know why there is so much hate going around constantly but I definitely don’t want to contribute to that. 

It gets to me sometimes and makes me feel down, but mostly I try to stay positive and I’m glad that’s affecting others in a positive way, too. So thank you for this message, ily and i hope you stay awesome, too! 😄💖

anonymous asked:

ok but can we pls see more of your gemsona and zircon together bc lord i love them already


OMD anon you make me happy aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Older, experienced officer/lawyer/technician gems are sometimes given young, recently made officer/lawyer/technician gems to babysit tutor, much like how Leggy Ruby was assigned into a bunch of older warrior Rubies. Just when Zircon’s hellish workload couldn’t become more stressing, she was ordered to be the babysit teacher for Sodalite, a law archiver gem

aka the stressed angry private teacher and ”LOL SO RANDOM XD” pupil dynamic 

My Thoughts on Anthony’s Departure from Smosh.

After talking it over/crying it out with @llamafabbiness over the phone, I believe that I’m ready to give my full opinion on Anthony’s decision to leave without any kind of sudden emotional bias.

If you’re clueless to what’s going on, you can watch THIS and THIS to get up to speed.
________________

My first, and instinctual, reaction was anger. I was already angry with Anthony for missing the summer games and for letting Ian do all the heavy lifting with their channel recently, so to see something like this without the context of it made me FURIOUS. However, after watching both videos, I feel completely different. Am I angry now? Not by a long shot.

After listening to what Anthony had to say, I can sympathise with him and there is no way that I can be angry with him for wanting creative freedom. He wants to make his own stuff with his own humor with no filter and I can respect that and support his decision to depart. However, despite my overwhelming support for his decision… My heart still has a HUGE hole in it. Monday and Friday has been my go-to days for three years as of this month, and knowing that Anthony will not be a part of that anymore just tears my heart to pieces. Yes, I know that Ian will still be there and I’ll still continue to watch Smosh for Ian to support him and the Squad as well because they need to be supported just as much as Anthony, but it will not feel right with Anthony out of the picture. Ian and Anthony are a duo that have pulled me through my darkest days and to think that it’s all over shatters my heart.

As I’ve stated so many times already, my emotions are split. I love Anthony with all my heart and FULLY support him in this decision, but at the same time, I’m selfish and want him to stay with Ian at Smosh so I can continue to look forward to Mondays and Fridays. Thinking about Anthony without the Smosh attachment is very difficult for me to do and is something that is going to take time for me to fully grasp and comprehend, but as long as Anthony is happy, then that’s all I could ever ask for. 

And, if by some miracle, that Anthony or Ian themselves are reading this, allow me to take this opportunity to say that I love both of you so much from the bottom of my heart and I completely support what you guys have done and will continue to do in the future. Thank you so much for helping me through my darkest days and thank you SOOO much for inspiring me to become the best person I can be while also staying true to myself. Anthony, you will be missed in the Smosh community, but myself and others wish you the absolute best on this new journey. We love you. <3

When I was 8 I had a teacher who liked me. Unaccustomed to the novelty of an adult actually thinking I was an okay kid, I decided to try to trust her. So when she assigned “a true story about when we were most scared”, and I couldn’t think of anything else, I decided maybe it would be okay to write about the abuse I was suffering at home.

I thought maybe, since she liked me, she’d see how wrong it was and Something Could Be Done. I didn’t have a clear idea of what that would be. Most of my fantasies were just focused on someone finally saying, “That’s terrible, you don’t deserve that, let’s keep you safe.”

So I wrote it. I wrote about an incident from about a month before, and I made sure to mention how recent it had been. I started with when my father got angry over our mother telling him not to drag us across the floor by our hair. I detailed how terrified I was, how I hid in a closet while my father threw my mother into a wall so hard the wall broke.

How when the door opened I scuttled backward and tried to hide myself even more under the clothes because when his rage wasn’t spent on our mum he liked to drag me out of my hiding place and kick me and stomp on me while I was curled helpless on the floor. How when it was all over for that night we siblings huddled together and mourned quietly so he couldn’t hear us sobbing and get angry again.

I was eight years old.

The only result of that essay was a perfect mark and a comment written in the margin: “Very spooky! Well done!”

I think that was when I stopped hoping anyone would actually care what happened to me. Because people don’t, not really. Not if they have to go out of their way or feel awkward or risk people not liking them. It’s just easier to let abusers do what they like without any repercussion.

Over the decades since that event, I have done my best to educate people about abuse and to rally them together to help minimize it. And the eight-year-old in me notices how few people are willing to follow through, how often people will say all the right things until they actually have to be even mildly inconvenienced in pusuit of the goals they claim are important to them.

Abuse culture is reified with every tiny selfish choice people make to protect abusers and ignore victims. Every “well I don’t know for sure this person has ever touched a kid”, every “I think I’d know if it were true!”, every “but I like their art”, every “they always seemed nice enough to me!”, every “I don’t want to make things awkward”, every “They’ve been my friend longer”, every “That’s too much work”, every “Well she was crazy, everybody knows it”, every “Well she seems mature enough.”

I see you. And so does that little girl who went home and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until her paper was coming apart in her hands – but did so quietly, so she wouldn’t get in trouble with the man who liked to beat her.

My pain is so tangible; I can reach out and touch it. It’s everywhere; consuming me. I don’t even realise how long it’s been eating away at my insides until I finally cave in and crumble helplessly, crashing, spiralling down, hopeless and helpless.

The terrible tightening in my chest, the constriction of my lungs, the deep shuddering breaths as I try to hold back the inevitable - but I break.

I always break.

The painful wracking sobs, screaming silently, my damaged self- seeping out through the cracks that I flimsily repair each time I fall apart, countlessly over and over again.

Although; this time those cracks have split wide open; leaving gaping holes in my own body.

I wail for a long time, weeping pitifully as I cry myself a pool of self- sympathy, until I’m empty, benumbed and finally turned completely inside out.

The actual, physical ache that I feel in my chest and in my bones when I’m so sad is fucking awful, and it will never go away, despite how much I push my emotions aside and believe that I’ll be a stronger person in the long run.

I think about the hurt people go through when relationships or friendships break down and fall apart. How we’re expected to just get on with things and be okay when we’re barely capable of a thought or memory that doesn’t involve the other person. When you really care about someone, genuinely and deeply, it doesn’t just vanish, no matter how terrible the ending is.

Keep reading

🌙 hello! i'm looking for stim blogs that are safe for all aro, ace, and nonbinary people 🌙

bc of my mental illness and some rlly unpleasant things that happened to me a while back, i am triggered by people that say aroaces aren’t inherently lgbtq+ or that nonbinary genders don’t really exist. i’ve seen some of this stuff in the stim community recently and it’s made me feel unsafe and paranoid

🌙🌟🌙🌟if you are welcoming to all aces, aros, and enbies, please reblog this post so i can follow you?🌙🌟🌙🌟

🌧🌧 (also i know people disagree with this opinion and i do understand that this post is probably offensive to you, but please please don’t reblog this post and say angry things, i rlly can’t handle any sort of discourse or drama bc of my mental illness, please respect my boundaries and safety)🌧🌧

@crunchystims is it ok if i tag you? i know you are safe and hopefully ur followers are too

anonymous asked:

The couple is sleeping on an air mattress. One person goes to bed later then the other. They're so tired they flop down, thus launching the other into the air. Feysand or Nessian pleaseeeeeeeee?

Sorry, this took so long but I have been super busy lately and I hope you enjoy it. Sad thing is that I originally had this written but it deleted itself so I had to restart which is why it is so late. 

I really hope you enjoy it!


“Rhys!” I yelled as I slammed my hands down on the table he was seated at. “Please, what are you doing?” I said still angry that he had ignored me for so long. I missed him, desperately. I knew he was busy and I knew that he was stressed but I just needed him beside me. 

“Yes Feyre darling,” he said as he looked up but my anger disappeared when I saw his face. He was tired and I knew that I had made him more upset by commanding him. The dark circles around his eyes indicated to me that he was beyond tired. I was instantly embarrassed by my outburst because I knew he was doing this for me. 

We had recently moved out of our apartment and were in the process of building a new house which would start construction on Monday. This meant that we had rented out a cheap apartment and were currently sleeping on an air mattress that was missing my new husband.

“I miss you,” I whispered. “I know you’re busy but Rhys, I need you.” 

“I know Feyre darling but please. I’m almost done for the night. I just need to look at these things and I’ll be done. I promise.” He said and I knew I was being selfish but he was so tired that he should’ve come to bed a long time ago. 

“Please come to bed soon darling,” I said as I walked around him and placed my arms around his neck and placed a kiss on his cheek. 

“Feyre,” he said as he tilted his head allowing me more access to place my kisses. “Everything I do is for us. The reason I am doing this is because I want it to be perfect. Somewhere we can call completely ours because…” He moaned as I licked the column of his neck, “Because, you and me. We deserve a place to call home. A place that is not tainted by previous people. Somewhere that I can start making new memories with you. That’s all I’ve wanted Feyre. To share this with you.” I finished kissing his neck down to his shoulder and stood straight up, my chin on his head. 

“Take all the time you need. But Rhys… Know that when this is over. I will have an incredibly long list of ways to start our new lives.” With this, I walked out and left him there. He had made me realize I was being extremely selfish but this is what we did. Him and I. We balanced each other out. Mor had once called as soul mates and I wondered if she was right. 

That something in my soul had spoken to him and he understood completely what it was like. Like we were bonded through an unknown force of nature that made us inseparable, Whatever it was. He was the one that made me the happiest in my life. 

As soon as my head hit the rather small pillow of our makeshift air mattress I was instantly asleep but was awoken when I was catapulted into the air. I screamed and rolled onto the floor. I immediately got up already knowing who was the cause of my discomfort. 

“Rhys!” I screamed. I couldn’t believe it. First, he came to bed late. I didn’t even know what the time was and secondly he had woken me up. I could hear him chuckling softly as I scrambled back onto the bed. 

“Sorry, darling. I was tired,” he mumbled, his voice obscured by the cushion. Unbelievable bastard. 

“You couldn’t have sunk down nicely instead of launching me into the air,” There was a smile playing on my lips now because Rhys was beside me. He usually slept later than me and woke up earlier so I truly hadn’t felt his presence in weeks. 

“You know me Feyre. I’m all about the show. Besides, it was your idea to get the air mattress.” he said wrapping his arm around my waist, I was now facing him and his violet eyes, although obviously exhausted held so much love and mischievous ideas that I laughed and playfully pushed him away. 

“I thought it would be fun,” I said as I leaned in and brushed his lips with mine. The kiss soon became heated and demanding and his arm had tightened around my waist. 

“What do you mean? I’m having a wonderful time,” he chuckled and kissed my forehead. I smiled into his chest and clung to him. 

“If I go to sleep now and you are not here when I wake up. I’m leaving you,” I said smiling broadly hoping he would take the bait. 

“You leave me no choice Feyre dear,” he started to stroke my hair and I held him close as he continued. “I love you,” I think he said as I started to drift off to sleep. 

I’d rather go blind

Originally posted by fatenumberfor

Hanbin  x Reader


Gender: Male x Gender neutral 
Genre: Angst drabble
Warning: -
Word count: 1035

Summary: When you first introduced the two of them to one another you felt something eating at your heart, you didn’t know what, you knew it wasn’t good.
But despite the unpleasant feeling you decided to ignore it, your mind must be playing with you and making you paranoid of something.

A/N: Inspired by Etta James - I’d rather go blind. (love her)



A few weeks ago you and Jieun were out shopping, she needed a new dress for a work party she was going to attend and she decided to drag you along the way.
You didn’t mind, you needed to stretch your legs anyways and her company wasn’t all that bad. Pushing the red curtain aside Jieun struck a pose as she presented the dress. It was a simple black dress but it wrapped around her body just right.


“Tada!” She exclaimed, “what do you think?”

“Shit, I’d do you.” Jieun chuckled at your remark before turning towards the mirror in her changing room, giving herself a stern look.
You watched how Jieun twirled around, checking if the dress showed any imperfections, but all the dress did was making her even more perfect.

“Y/N?” you heard a familiar voice call out to you. Snapping your head to the side your eyes widened. Noticing the lack of attention Jieun turned to see what might have changed it. “Y/N…Who is this?” She asked gaining your and Hanbin’s attention.
Your head snapped back so quick you managed to miss the subtle lip bite Hanbin made when he laid eyes on Jieun.

“Uh, oh!” You said as you stood up “Hanbin this is Jieun, Jieun this is Hanbin.”

The moment the two of them clicked eyes you felt uncertain about the whole situation, but when the two gave each other a simple handshake you shook away the feeling.

Weeks later you and Hanbin were in your living room watching a movie you had been wanting to watch for ages but didn’t want to watch alone. Lucky for you Hanbin offered himself, I mean really lucky for you. Having Hanbin all for yourself was one of the best feelings in the world, next to have falling head over heels for him.
You haven’t known Hanbin for long, perhaps a couple of months, but it was clear that the two of you were made for one another. You shared the same interest, had the same mindset, even your humor was in sync. Growing feelings for Hanbin was the logical thing to happen, but you didn’t expect it to happen so fast and while it was exciting it was also scary. It being scary was the main reason you kept your mouth shut. You only just knew the boy, you weren’t going to bombard him with your feelings just yet.

With his arms wrapped around your torso, the two of you laid on the couch watching the movie. Your hand was covering your mouth as you watch how the two main characters talked with one another. You tried to keep yourself together not wanting to cry in front of Hanbin, but he caught the soft ragged breath you let out.
Shifting around so that the two of you sat separately Hanbin paused the movie.

“You okay Y/N?” Hanbin said as he looked over at you.
Covering your mouth even more you nodded. Letting out a chuckle Hanbin nodded and continued the movie, moving back to his original position only without you leaning on him.

The music slowly began to play, the lead character’s voice gliding out of the boxes.
It was then when Hanbin decided to open his mouth and ask a question that had been eating him from the inside.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?” You responded, not wanting to tear your eyes from the TV-screen.

“Your friend, Jieun?” Now he had your attention. Turning your head towards Hanbin you were greeted by a bashful boy trying his best to hide a smile behind his hand.
“Uh, is she like…Single?”

Who knew a sentence made out of one sound and four words could cause such havoc inside of someone. You’re heart shattered, but trying to keep it together you answered;
“She recently broke up.” Screaming at yourself for being so truthful instead of lying you watched how Hanbin reacted. If he wasn’t already bashful just now, he was now.

“Do…do you think she would like me?”

You had a sudden urge to scream, cry, hit Hanbin for saying such thing to you, but you stayed surprisingly calm. After all, you had no right to be angry when you were the one keeping your feelings quiet for a second too long.

“Perhaps,” Hanbin’s smile went wider if possible, his head playing a scenario you were playing as well. Him walking hand in hand with Jieun being all lovey dovey.
Seeing how the love of your life kissing someone you held close to you.

“Do you think…Do you think you could arrange a date for me with her?”
Your brain instantly pictured Hanbin kissing and holding Jieun in his warm embrace, how he walked away from you and into Jieun’s arms. You’d rather go blind than to see that.

When you didn’t answer Hanbin looked at you, cocking you an eyebrow.
“Y/N?” You couldn’t think before your mouth was already doing the talking for you.

“Yes,” Hanbin’s face lit up at your word “now if you don’t mind I’m actually tired.” Hanbin’s smile flattered into a thin line, his face falling in confusion.
“The movie made me tired, that’s all and I have work early tomorrow.” Which was a lie, you never worked on that day the two of you both knew that. But instead of correcting you Hanbin nodded as he slowly got up. Normally you would walk Hanbin to the door, but this time you didn’t even budge and he was left to see himself out.

You simply stared at the screen, watching how the song came to a closer with one of the main characters dying from a heart attack. And honestly, it felt like you were having one as well.


Originally posted by ygboys-ot11

Bonus:


It wasn’t until Hanbin came back to his dorm when he realized why you acted like that.

Who knew he could be so blind?

Originally posted by cheonjaes

(gifs by: fatenumberfor
             ygboys-ot11
             cheonjaes )

I just needed to express my love for Hanbin and this song.

Also requests are open.

I’ve been staying out of The Discourse so far because I only have so many precious years on this earth left, but I read something just now that makes me want to finally say something.

A widely-beloved and accomplished YA novelist recently made a post about a character who she had decided to portray as asexual. She used the phrasing, “asexual so far”, or something to that effect.

Immediately someone replied, very angry, that it was inappropriate to use “so far” to refer to an asexual character.

Now, If tumblr had existed back when I was a young teenager, I would have seized onto the “asexual” identity like a drowning person seizing onto a life preserver. As it turned out, I didn’t learn that asexuality was A Thing until I was twenty years old, and when I did, I was like, yes oh wow this is me! Awesome! A word! It was super cool to realize that I wasn’t alone. This is why, first of all, I think that asexuality is a useful and valuable label.

What asexuality is not, however, is an immutable identity. In the years since I first discovered the word “asexual” and what it means to the people who identify with it, including myself, I’ve thought a lot about this distinction. 

The thing is, there are so many things throughout a person’s life, especially when they’re young, that affect their libido and their sexual feelings: your hormone levels, medications, medical conditions, states of mind, self-confidence, mental health… and even just getting older. Your sexual urges, or lack thereof, naturally change throughout your life. They’re supposed to. Someone who identifies as asexual one year may well find their feelings changing the next. And that’s fine

This is why I believe “asexual” might even be kind of unhealthy to treat as one’s permanent identity. If, later on in life, you do start to feel sexual attraction, and guilt and inner conflict over “losing” your identity make you try to push those feelings aside, that’s harmful and unfair to yourself.

If the label “asexual” makes you feel feel good and comforted, use it. That’s how it’s made me feel. But it’s important to keep it flexible. Keep yourself flexible. If your asexuality winds up being “for now”, there’s nothing wrong with that— just relax, and roll with whatever your body decides it wants. You’re still you.

And for god’s sake cut well-meaning beloved YA authors trying to incorporate diverse identities into their works a little slack. Come on, guys.

Connor McDavid #2

Requested by Anon: Could you write something where the reader is self conscious of his chest because he has scars from a recent surgery and he’s afraid of what his partner might say because of the scars? Possibly with Connor McDavid? Or anyone else really :’)

Warnings: self consciousness due to scars. talk of how scars make the reader ugly. anger (I’m not really good at warnings just know this one is a little deep so if you’re easily triggered please don’t read) 

Words: 816

Authors Note: so this turned out to be a lot shorter than what I normally write but I love it. Honestly it was such an easy write because it came to me like a gift. But because it is so short If the person who requested it was me to somehow continue it or write another one for them then just message me :) 

Originally posted by mcdraii

You stood there starring at your bare chest in the mirror. Your cold finger tips tracing the lines of fresh scars. The flesh just recently healing made them an odd color and stick out. The doctor told you’d eventually the swelling would go down and the coloration would start to become more like your skin tone. You were angry. People had constantly been telling you that, with today’s technology, scars from surgeries were almost unnoticeable but as you looked at yours, you knew they were wrong. You wanted to cry out anger. You wanted to yell at the world. You shoved away all the product you had just bought at the store that claimed to help with scars. It created a loud enough bang that your boyfriend, Connor McDavid, heard it. He knocked on your shared bathroom door. “Are you okay?” His concerned filled voice called out. You heart began to race. You can’t let him see your scars. He’ll be disgusted. He’ll take one look at them and see how imperfect you are. He can get anyone in the world, why would he stay with some scared freak? You quickly pulled on your shirt and opened the door. Your hockey playing man was standing there waiting for you to tell him what’s wrong. You kept silent, afraid the truth would come out. “What was that noise? Are you okay?” He asked. You looked at his face. You just wanted to take him all in. You wanted to grab him and never let him go. You let out a pain-hiding smile. “I just dropped some stuff,” you lied. He looked passed you to see the pile of bottles you recently shoved. “What are those?” He questioned. You quickly side stepped to cut off his view. “They’re nothing,” you mumbled. Connor gave you a weird look wondering why you were hiding things from him. He placed both of his hands at the side of your face, forcing you to looked at him. “You can trust me. You know that,” he said with so much ferocity and kindness that you could help but nod your head. He dropped his hands and gently squeezed passed you. He looked at every bottle and instantly put together the pattern in them. “Is this because of your surgery?” He questioned, his voice sounding strained. You nodded your head afraid that if you spoke then you’d break down. He looked back at you shaking his head in disbelief. He took one step to close the distance between the two of you. He placed his hands in the hem of your shirt. He began to lift it up when you slapped your hands around his wrists to stop him. “Don’t” you said harsher than you intended too. “Why?” He asked gazing into your eyes. The intensity that came with Connor was one of your favorite qualities about him, but right now you weren’t too keen on it. You looked away from him, “because they’re ugly,” you admitted. You didn’t want to looked at your boyfriend but you felt his intense stare commanding you to look at him so you did. His face was filled with anger and sadness. “I’m a hockey player. Scars aren’t ugly to me. They’re a symbol of a battle. A battle you won. They aren’t ugly. They’re hot,” he added with a sweet smile. You have him a weak smile in return. You removed your hands from his wrist and let him proceed with taking your shirt off. He did it slowly in case you decided to stop him again. Connor wasn’t one to push you into something you were completely uncomfortable with. As the shirt was thrown to the floor you closed your eyes afraid to see Connor’s reaction. You felt his warm hands on your hips and his lips on your chest. He kissed every inch of your scars, placing one kiss after another. Your heart fluttered every time his sweet lips were brought to your chest. Once he was done you opened your eyes to see him staring at your scars. “They’re beautiful. You’re beautiful,” he finished by looking at you. Relief filled your body. You felt like putty in Connor’s hands. He leaned in to give you an actual kiss. It was a sweet and passionate one. Every movement your boyfriend made felt like he was telling you how wonderful you are. You sighed as he pulled away. Connor looked at you trying to evaluate what you were still feeling. Instead of making him guess you just told him, “I still hate them. They’re still ugly. But knowing you are okay with them helps.” He gave you a brilliant smile that you loved. “I’m more than okay with them. I told you they’re hot,” he admitted. He pulled you in closer for another kiss. You were lucky to have such a wonderful man in your life.

Yoosung (angst request 1)

request : hi i just read your last zen angst and i loved it can you write the others rfa members+v+saeran breaking up with mc and realizing they made the wrong decision bc they still love her

     Yoosung had recently been incredibly stressed out because of college. He had been trying so hard for MC and he wanted to make them proud. See Yoosung was either a sad stressed person or an angry stressed person, there was no in between. This time he had been angry because MC had been nagging him about his gaming.
     “MC! Can’t you just leave me the hell alone, I’m trying to game because I am stressed! So just leave!” He had yelled once he muted his mic.
MC had looked shocked as she processed what happened.

     “Yoosung Kim! You told me to make sure you stayed on track in college because you wanted to do something great! Why are you getting so pissed when I’m just making sure to help you?”
      “I don’t want your help and I don’t want you anymore. You aren’t my mother.”
      “Don’t want me anymore? What the hell does that mean?”
      “It means that I don’t want to date you anymore so just leave and forget about a future of us together! It won’t happen.”
       It took Yoosung only 2 hours to realize he was already struggling without MC. It was 1 AM and he was gaming, he hadn’t done this since MC had started dating him. He tried to call them but they declined almost immediately or their phone died. He tried 3 more times and they answered him.
      “Leave me the hell alone,” and they hung up.
      He tried four more times before he had gotten a message that the number he was dialing had blocked him. He didn’t want to bring his issues into the messenger no matter how much he cared. He loved MC but since he was stressed he had to just yell at her and lie to her.
      “Forget about a future of us together! It won’t happen,” that was all that would replay in his head. He fucked up and he didn’t know how to fix it.


 I AM A DUMB FUCK WHO POSTED THIS ON MY OTHER ACCOUNT FUCKIN KILL ME

Saturday Morning [Part 3] (Grayson)

Written by: @keepcalmandlovepotter

Summary: Alyssa is new to L.A. and has a few secrets she’s rather keep to herself. When a famous YouTube star meets her, it changes the course of her life forever.

A/N: This was a submission and this is NOT MY STORY

Part 1/ Part 2


I woke up before the sun to the chirping of my alarm, and dragged myself out of bed. The worst part about working in a coffee shop was that when you open at 5 AM, you had to be there at 4. I almost always worked morning shifts. I honestly didn’t mind most of the time, but I had had a hard time getting to sleep the night before. I tossed and turned like a row boat in a storm for hours thinking about my “date” with Grayson later today. If I was lucky, I could catch a nap before and still have some time to get ready. 

I didn’t bother taking a shower because I knew I’d just smell like coffee grinds and fruit from the smoothies at the end of my shift, so I tossed my hair up in a messy bun and put on my usual cat eye and mascara before heading out.

I unlocked the back door, having arrived at Java Jane’s before my boss, Ashlee and decided to get a jump start on brewing. I had already made a dark roast batch when she walked in through the front, unlocking the glass doors. 

“Hey, you’re early,” she said, locking them behind her, as there was still about 45 minutes until opening. I shrugged, already covered in coffee grinds and moving the large carafes so more coffee could be brewed. It was the biggest early morning seller. 

“Yeah, I knew we had a lot to do and I had a lot on my mind so I hopped in about 15 minutes early. What’s going on? How are you?”

Ashlee and I chatted as she put on her apron and went the back to turn on the radio so we’d have some music while we worked before she started on the cold brew. 

“You seem a little off. What’s up?” I looked back at her, biting my lower lip, holding my breath, wondering if I should tell her. I didn’t have many friends in L.A., but Ashlee was definitely a genuine friend. She knew about my past, my family, and she didn’t give a single shit about any of it. She was 25 and had short black hair. She was tall and thin, which I couldn’t understand because she ate all the time. Sometimes I had to remind her that the cheesecake was for the customers and not for her to take home at the end of the day.

“I met someone…” I started with quietly, leaning a carafe into the warming station where it kept the coffee hot. She stopped short of what she was doing and turned to look at me slowly.

“Oh my god,” she started, covering her mouth with one hand. I raised an eyebrow and she abandoned her task to come give me a hug. I laughed, but hugged her back with the one arm that wasn’t holding up the large pot of coffee.

“What? Is it that monumental?” I asked with a genuine laugh. She’d heard me cackle one night when I’d had a little too much to drink after we closed down and ever since then, we’d become close friends.

“It is if you’re telling me about it! That means you think something might happen! Or that you’re already head over heels for him! It took you SIX WEEKS to even tell me about who Joe was.” I rolled my eyes and scoffed, feeling a familiar, sour taste fill my mouth. A grim look crept across my face and I turned from her. It might’ve slipped her mind because of her excitement that I hated hearing my ex-boyfriend’s name.

“Sorry, but it’s true!” She insisted. I sighed and shook my head. 

“No, he’s just a guy I met yesterday at The Grove. He’s pretty cool. He’s super sweet and totally funny. But he’s like, YouTube famous? He has a twin brother and they make these videos -”

“You’re not talking about one of the Dolan Twins, are you?”

I looked back at her with an expression that was half utterly astonished and half completely amused. She turned a little red and shrugged. 

“They’ve come in here once or twice. Before you moved. I’m a huge fan of them. Their videos are hilarious.” She talked as she picked her task back up and I did the same. I walked around the bar to place things in the case - little wrapped candies and treats.

“Well, I guess that makes it easier to explain why I can’t really date him,” I confessed, a twinge in my tone. Ashlee stood up straight. 

“UM, I’M SORRY, I MUST HAVE COFFEE GRINDS IN MY EARS BECAUSE I THOUGHT I JUST HEARD YOU TELL ME YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DATE HIM!” She was basically shouting and I laughed before looking over at the clock. I finished the display and walked over to the door.

“Time to open,” I said, unlocking the door. That didn’t stop Ashlee though.

“At least tell me which one it is!” She begged and I sighed, putting my hands in the pockets of my apron, fiddling with the sharpie I kept there.

“It’s Grayson,” I replied reluctantly and she squealed.

“That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” She bounced up and down and I couldn’t help but break my scowl to smile at her sincere delight for me. 

“Come on, we’ve got pastries to set out.”

-

The shift seemed to go on for ages. When you work so early in the morning, you feel like it’s midnight when you get out at 1 PM. Ashlee had grilled me whenever she had a spare moment about my encounter with Grayson and our date later tonight. She had a lot of theories, each one crazier than the last. I could only laugh. When it was time for me to leave, I took off my apron and hung it in the back room, grabbing my backpack.

I checked my phone to see that Grayson had texted me. My heart felt light as I opened the message.

Hey, Alyssa! Can’t wait to see you tonight. Wanna send me your address so I can pick you up?

I fired off a quick reply, sending him my address with a smiley face. He sent one back and I put my phone in my back pocket.

“Hey, Ash, I’m leaving. I’m gonna try and get a nap in before…you know,” I said, feeling my face get red just thinking about the fact that Grayson was coming to pick me up in 6 hours. She smiled teasingly and sent me on my way with a big hug, making me promise to call her after the date. I rolled my eyes, but smiled and appreciated her enthusiasm and excitement, even if my own emotions were a shit storm at the moment.

As soon as I got home, I all but collapsed onto my couch. I let out a loud groan and turned the television on. What I saw made my stomach turn a little.

“And the Dolan Twins were spotted downtown this morning at a meet and greet with their fans. Their popular YouTube channel has earned them over 3.5 million subscribers. Hundreds of people mobbed the area and stayed long after the boys had left the scene. Traffic was reported in the area until very recently.”

The broadcast continued but I let my body fall back onto the couch. I rubbed my eyes, forgetting about my liner and mascara til I saw it on my hands. Annoyed, I got up to clean it off my face and fingers. While I was in the bathroom, scrubbing my face, I looked at my reflection, unimpressed. I let out what felt like the 80th sigh of the day and shook my head, my hands on the edge of the sink, hanging my head.

What’re you doing? This has to be some kind of prank or for a video or something. Wake up. You’re not worth what this guy could offer.

It was so clear, and loud. Like it had been the night before. These thoughts came from a part of my brain I wasn’t sure I was ready to deal with yet, associated with a person I had only recently forgotten. I looked back up at my own reflection and was shocked to see tears running down my face. I didn’t even remember feeling them fall. It made me angry.

No. He has no power here anymore.

I chucked the make up wipe into the trash and walked back to the living room and put on a baking show I enjoyed, pushing the thoughts out of my mind, focusing on the positives. I took regular deep breaths to calm myself down and laid my head down. I set an alarm in case I drifted off so I’d have plenty of time to get ready.

As soon as I put my phone down, I was out like a light.

PSA

If you go on a Mental Illness side blog, do NOT judge their character/person based on what they may or may not post! A lot of these blogs are vent blogs, and they use them to out negative emotions. It’s their safe space.

Do not judge somebody based on a blog they run, especially if it’s a blog where they use as an outlet. Everything they post isn’t all what or who they are. 

IronHawk (Part Sixteen)

Calm before the storm guys. Well not quite the storm. Calm before the major feels and THEN the storm.

Catch up on Chapter 1-15 HERE

I love my readers, you guys are legit the best!!
********************************
Pepper had yet to let go of Natasha, repeatedly checking her mate for injuries and crying out over the small ones she found.

“Really, love I’m fine.” Natasha reassured her mate for the tenth or twelfth time. “Hawkeye just… dropped out of the sky and saved me.”

“Oh Clint.” Peppers eyes were red from crying. After several months of strained relations with her Alpha, seeing Natasha come in after such a close call was pushing her limits. “Oh thank god you were there!”

“It’s good to see you too, Pepper.” Clint gave the small woman a gentle hug, catching Natasha’s eyes over Peppers head and smiling. Natasha grinned back, just too happy to see him to care that her usual aloof personality was slipping.

“Home for long, Hawkeye?” asked Steve, between bites of dinner.

“I’m not really sure.” Clint answered, glancing over towards Tony’s elevator. The billionaire still hadn’t come down from his room after dropping Captain off. “I’m not even supposed to be here. We’d just barely got wheels down, and you guys were on the news so I flew over as fast as I could.”

Thank god!” Pepper started sniffling again, and Natasha wrapped her arms around her.

“Ok, we are done for the night, because I can’t handle any more emotional vibes from my mate.” Walking Pepper towards their rooms, she shot a look over her shoulder at Clint, who waved a little. “We will catch up later right? Welcome home.”

Clint smiled. Home was always where Natasha was.
And Tony.

His Alpha stirred restlessly, unused to being so close to the omega again, and still uncertain as to where things stood with them. Granted his last statement had been basically handing Tony off to Bruce, but their bond hadn’t been broken yet, and he would have felt if Tony’s feelings had changed towards him.

“Beer?” Steve asked, heading for the bar and Clint shook his head.

“Whiskey?” He answered, and the super soldier poured him a glass.

“Am I okay to turn in for the night, or would you like me to run interference between you and Tony?” He asked quietly. “I’m not trying to be nosy or anything, but I’m not so oblivious I don’t realize this might be… difficult. And if you need a neutral presence…”

Clint drained his glass. “Thanks Cap, but I’m fine. Not even sure where things stand right now, so I’m just gonna… go to bed, I guess. Thanks, though.”

Steve nodded. “Glad you’re home, Clint.”

Keep reading

Day Two: Bite

Nalu Love Fest

Prompt: Bite

Rating: M+ (NSFW)

Words: 3,702.


Natsu watched his fiance hum happily, walking around their kitchen in what Happy, had nicknamed ‘the happy outfit.’ Which happened to be sweats, Natsu’s shirt and a pair of bright pink socks.

He leaned against the door jamb, not fighting the urge to smile at Lucy, who was now licking the spoon clean from the batter of muffins she just finished cooking. Natsu hadn’t had the chance to watch her for the last week, off on a job with Gray, of all frosted douche-pants, leaving Happy here to ‘watch’ Lucy for him.

When he arrived late last night, he was wracked with exhaustion from the job, the train and Gray’s annoying presence and pestering of about a million questions.

All concerning Lucy and her pregnancy.

Of course, at first Natsu was happy to brag all about how beautiful his wife to be looked, and how well she adapted to growing one of his soldiers — despite Lucy telling him countless times, not to call the baby that — but he soon realized that Gray was just being overly annoying to get on his nerves.

Once he figured that out, he almost threw the stripper off the train.

He stifled a chuckle when Lucy opted to use her fingers to clean the bowl instead of the spoon, creeping over to her silently. She remained oblivious, or so he thought, until she stated, “Natsu, don’t you dare try and scare me.”

Keep reading

Surprises (Guard Me, Sherlock!)

1;

So the beautiful, wonderful, and HIS Jane Marple found out with her keen intellect about a protection racket he had naturally ordered Jack and Sebastian to oversee…  "Is it really that big of a deal?“ James asked her with a suspiciously sweet smile.

"It IS a big deal, James! You gave me your WORD that you would stop doing bad things like this after we got together!”  Upon hearing the start of his chuckling, her voice rose in pitch and intensity. “…James, this is serious, I mean it!  Stop laughing!

As James Moriarty watched his adorable wife turn a marvelous shade of red out of sheer indignation and feeling of somehow being mocked, his smile widened and he took her into his arms.  Despite Jane’s predictable protests, his lips found their way to her ear, gliding over them ever so slightly as he consoled, “There there, my sweet robin.  You may have found out about something…unpleasant, yes, but what you don’t know is that those businesses we targeted had their own shady dealings going on.  In fact, I felt so guilty over breaking my promise with you that I had planned on donating all the money we received from this operation to a charity benefiting the poor and downtrodden.  …So really, we were just trying to do right in the only way we know how.”

When she looked up into his eyes, he couldn’t quite tell if she believed him or not; in fact, he was almost certain she wasn’t quite sure of it herself.  It was then that he decided that in lieu of further conversation over this already boring subject, he was just going to kiss her until it didn’t matter anymore.

Of course, all of his conversation was a filthy lie that a small part of James did feel some guilt about, but the whole point of angering her by intentionally slipping a clue of some wrongdoing on his part was so that they would argue.

…And then have make up sex.

In honesty, all kinds of sex really made everything worth it, but there was something special about the intensity of loving after fighting.  It was a joy to see all the different emotions she displayed on her face over the course of a few hours, and each emotion, no matter how joyous or painful, was precious to him because he knew that HE was the cause.  No other man, for better or for worse, could make her feel or react as he could, and it was as if he held a special kind of power in the world for knowing it.

No matter how angry she got every time he let something unpleasant slip over the span of their courtship into marriage, the make up sex always made it worth it.

(A year or so later as he held a steely gaze with one of his twin infant sons who had decided to throw up on his father’s newly tailored suit, James wondered, for not the first time recently, if the make up sex really had been worth it.)

anonymous asked:

said it very non-emotional and very softly because i talk very quiet and shes made me cry so often recently and i dont know why shes been yelling and raising her voice and getting mad at me so often. i dont do anything to make her angry?? she knows im going through puberty but she doesnt think her little quiet daughter would be moody and emotional? i just dont understand what ive been doing to make her so angry. sorry for the non punctuation or capitalization etc, i didnt want to bother with it

oh wow i didnt finish this… <33 

its really hard but youre both human its expected for someone to react in a negative way when you yell at them ://

Okay, gonna try to write this while it’s on my mind, for @extingualis: Beforus from an Alternian’s perspective.

Disclaimer: I don’t know everything. I haven’t dealt with the court and councils directly, and almost everything I know, I learned from my friends. I also realize that not every iteration of Beforus is going to be like this, but this one is, and it’s what I know. Take it with a grain of salt, as you should with everything.

I know I didn’t cover anything, but I hope this helps. If any Beforans have anything to add, please feel free.

First things first: Beforus is fucked up. Like, it’s not fucked up the same way Alternia is fucked up, but it’s still fucked up. If you mistake Beforus for some perfect wonderland you are Dead Wrong™ and will probably BE dead if you ever come here. Know thy enemy.

Beforus, like Alternia, has a hemospectrum. The Hemospectrum, that is, the one we know and adore. ((: Mutant bloods are not included on this spectrum. I’ve never actually met a limeblood here? I don’t know what their status is on Beforus, sorry.

Keep reading

Rajigaze Dec 30 (Ruki and Aoi discussing cleavage)

Ruki (reading mail): “I’m writing because something made me a little angry recently and I wanted to ask you guys about it. The other day I went drinking with my group of friends from high school, and my guy friend sitting across from me was like, ‘are you wearing that to get guys’ attention?’ and laughed. I was wearing a sweater with a deep neckline, so if I bent down you could see a bit [of cleavage]. In my head I was like, 'what are you talking about!’…” she actually wrote 'fuck’  in there but let’s just beep that (*it was not beeped)

(both gigglin)

Ruki: “But I didn’t say anything. I’ve never liked high necklines, so even in the winter I wear sweaters with an open neck. Do guys really interpret that as me trying to get their attention?”

(both make contemplating old man noises)

Ruki: So if she bent down…you could just see a bit?

Aoi: Mhm…

Ruki: A V-neck?

Aoi: Mhm……..

Ruki: ….Nice

Aoi: Nice

Ruki: Mmmm– mm? …But would you think they’re trying to get guys’ attention?

Aoi: Uh—hmm–eh………would that get attention?

Ruki: An open neckline?

Aoi: Yeah.

Ruki: Hmm…I think it depends on the person.

Aoi: Oh ur gonna hit us with that huh

(both laugh)

Ruki: No but seriously I was thinking…you know, there’s makeup like that too, right? Uh…like makeup to get guys and stuff. This might kinda go back to what we were talking about before (*idk what he’s referring to) but would you not like that?

Aoi: Hmmm – oh! You know what! This is what I like lately.

Ruki: Yes?

Aoi: Those sweaters with the closed neck.

Ruki: Turtlenecks?

Aoi: Yes.

Ruki: Highnecks?

Aoi: Are they called Highnecks?

Ruki: Yeah, those ones! Something–(*idk wtf he just tried to call them)

(both laugh)

Ruki: Yeah I know the ones

Aoi: Yes yes yes, I like those in white!

Ruki: In white!? …..White!?

Aoi: Well yeah they’re usually white…

Ruki: Huh? But if it’s white wouldn’t they look kinda like a sushi chef?

Aoi: (laughing) No no nooo

Ruki: Huhuhu

Aoi: OH! No, that’s not [the kind of shirt] I’m talking about! A knit! A knit sweater!

Ruki: Ohhh ok!!

Aoi: Not that omg

(both laughing)

Ruki: Okay I was like what!!??! Like if it’s that one that goes up ur neck ur a sushi chef

Aoi: Anyway yeah I like those knit ones.

Ruki: You like them?

Aoi: Yeah. They’re sexy.

Ruki: THEY’RE SEXY!?

Aoi: They’re sexy!

Ruki: The ones that are tight [around the neck]?

Aoi: No no no no – YOU DON’T GET IT

Ruki: What are u talking about? They’re sexy?

Aoi: Listen– listen – yes. They’re sexy.

Ruki: But you can’t see anything. I mean, there’s no cleavage.

Aoi: Yeah.

Ruki: And that’s sexy?

Aoi: Yeah, so I like that…and then….a nice updo.

Ruki: Ahhh, I see.

Aoi: Like I want a loose ponytail.

Ruki: Wtf you’re so specific

(both laughing)

Aoi: Yes yes yes yes

Ruki: I’m tryna imagine it now but like I’m picturing pyjamas

Aoi: Really?

Ruki: Hmmmmmm…so does that get guys? So like what do you think of people with deep necklines?

Aoi: Well that’s fine too.

Ruki: What about people who got it ALL out? That’s still fine?

Aoi: Well there are some people like that! At work and stuff…where their titties are just like BOOM

Ruki: There are there are!

Aoi: Doesn’t that kinda give you a hard time? Like real talk

Ruki: What like with interviewers and stuff?

Aoi: No no, not at interviews, but I mean – they’re there. In our work, around us

Ruki: Yeah yeah there are

Aoi: Some girls

Ruki: Yes

Aoi: Yeah…are they trying to get guys’ attention with that?

(both laugh)

Ruki: Okay, I get that, but the worst is when…we’re working, and…they bend down, and, um….you know? They got their underwear, and it’s like…around their hipbone, u can see it….sticking out of their pants….like what do u do

Aoi: That…wasn’t that kind of a trend? A while ago

Ruki: Mhm

Aoi: What do you think about it? I don’t really feel that

Ruki: Honestly I think it’s unladylike, I don’t think it’s sexy at all…

Aoi: Right? It looks like a loincloth.

Ruki: Seriously, I saw it on someone who worked in our office a long time ago and I freaked tf out

(Aoi dying laughing)

Ruki: AAAAAAAAHHH!!!

(Aoi still dyin)

Ruki: Like, I wasn’t even looking at it in that way, it was just kinda like, “oh, she is wearing this colour today hmm…”

Aoi: Oh I see! That’s rough man!

(Ruki cackles)

(both laughing still)

Ruki: Yes…so, for those of you who like Aoi-san, wear a high neck – a tight one.

(Aoi laughing)

anonymous asked:

(1/2) When I first realized I was asexual I was so happy, you know? Everything just clicked. Later I realized that I had some internalized issues that didn't originate because of that, but that were kinda tied to sexuality and stuff and that I would have to deal with them to be like, ok. And I think I was doing well? Change didn't happen from night to morning but I was moving forward. Then I started seeing ace discourse everywhere and at first I was just angry.

The hatred and hypocrisy are SO obvious that I didn’t even realize until recently that it had started feeding my already existing issues and making them grow again. Idk i’m just tired and bitter. I feel like I have to start over, and like it’s my fault for letting it get to me. Anyway sorry this sounds so negative, what I actually wanted to say is that I found this blog today and it has already made me feel much better in a moment when I really needed it. Thank you so much for that.

I’m glad we could help you, that’s what we’re here for.