this made me lolololol so hard

anonymous asked:

So have you seen The Arrangement? Any thoughts?

Yes, I watched it last night! Michael Vartan is still bae is my first thought (Alias was my first television love and I shipped him and Jennifer Garner so hard…still would!). It was clearly a rip off of Scientology/TomKat, but a couple quotes made me chuckle…

On why the main male character wanted to have an arranged relationship: “I can control my image.”

The main female character’s agent on the arrangement: “I know this wasn’t how we expected to grow your career, but this will present you with huge opportunities.”

LOLOLOLOL. I’m not saying those quotes have literally anything to do with you know who, but I’m also not saying those quotes have nothing to do with you know who.


*cackles* 😹

Here’s a good chuckle!! I found this gem from two months back. So some background: I went on one terrible date with this man back in April. He took me to Eatlaly without a reservation and it was packed. I quickly realized that he had zero potential and so I did what any woman in my position would do. I ordered a ton of food and started talking about cats, feminism, and witchcraft. 😸 lol I’m usually very well behaved but I couldn’t that night. Like I tried everything to be on my worst behavior and somehow it backfired?! So I got into a cab that he rudely didn’t pay for, he tried to kiss me 😖and I dodged it. I obviously expected never to hear from him again but a few days later he’s texting me asking me out again?!? And he was asking me out on drink dates which he justified as actual dates because “we live in an era of tinder hookups.” Like yeah maybe but if I’m having tinder hookups they’re with men in their twenties who have all of their hair. Not mid forties men with alopecia.

Anyway. He kept pursuing me and asking me out on dates. I made a post some time ago where he kindly compared me to a Russian gold digger- he probably thought that was an insult 😭. And he told me that he had “99 problems but getting pussy wasn’t one of them.” Lolololol 😹 I mean if that’s the case then why was he trying so hard to have another date with me?!

So at that point I told him to stop contacting me and that I was blocking him. Then in September I got an iCloud message- something that I had no idea about. So I guess even if you have someone’s number blocked, if you both have iPhones they can text you from their I cloud account? To reiterate, I had a single two hour, terrible dinner date with this man in April. Never saw him again. Now it’s September and he’s still bothering me after I told him not to?! That’s harassment. And I was particularly annoyed because it was a lovely Saturday and I was sitting outside at a park waiting to meet Young. Like how dare he interrupt my day with nonsense. So naturally I told him to have fun jerking it by himself with alopecia 😹- and I blocked him.

So then I get an okcupid message preview from the man sent to my email. I hadn’t used okc for months but I had to log in to read this hilarious mess.

Okay so first of all I’ll level with him calling me average looking because beauty is subjective. But on the height thing? So I’m taller than the average height of U.S women- from that logic I’m taller than average- which makes me ~tall~. And the best part.. I was taller than him. *cackles*

And he didn’t even mention my terrible personality? I’m disappointed because I was really putting in the effort to be terrible. And his negging as if he knew me? He spent two hours with a stranger (me) and I spent those two hours being as outrageous as possible because I knew I’d never see him again. I should mention that he was completely bald, mid-forties and never married. I wonder why 😒

My only question is, if I am so short and average, and he has no problems “getting pussy”- then why was he pursuing me for months? 🤔👀💆🏻