this made for a cheerful start to my morning

How to Get a Man to Open Up and Express His Feelings to You (a guide not written by Ray Narvaez Jr.)

ray/ryan | 7.3k words | fake ah crew!verse

“Would Ryan kill me over a lobster?”

“You know,” Michael says over the phone, voice tiny and muffled by the river current breaking around the riverbank, “Ryan has killed people over less.”

(Or, the one where Ryan puts a contract hit on Ray.

On Ray’s unofficial list on Things to Do When the Man You May Have a Thing With Enlists Assassins to Kill You, ‘start shooting back’ is easily on top while ‘talking things out peacefully’ is dead last. Link would have made a better conversationalist, and he’s a silent protagonist.)


special thanks for @michaelvincentjcnes for beta, @ahwuu and @cinderfali for being my first readers and the rest of the twitter crew for cheering me on as i cried over this fic. i owe you all.


Ray receives an ominous message from Geoff on a Monday morning.

Granted, Geoff’s messages sound ominous half the time just by virtue of Geoff being too lazy to type in full sentences, but this one is almost exceptionally so, considering the fact that he isn’t supposed to know Ray’s new number. Considering that no one is supposed to know Ray’s new number.

Run, it says.

Ray considers whether he should take the message seriously. Geoff instructing him to run can range from an instruction to save his life to a lifestyle advice he randomly picked up from watching a gym membership commercial, so Ray opts for humor as a safe medium.

Thanks, let me think of something I’d prefer doing than running, he replies. Wait, that’s everything. Everything that isn’t running. 

Geoff’s reply is almost instant, immediately tipping Ray that something is off.

No, the text says, I mean RUN.

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