this looks like a piece of poop

[Video: Dax the Jardine’s parrot laying on his back at the bottom of his cage. One foot is holding on to the bar at the bottom of the cage and the other is holding a piece of bamboo. He lays on his back transfixed by the twirling bamboo until suddenly he springs up and throws it.]

Dax what….what are you doing?

Commission for Jen for her in-production AU A Little Patience~ I’m excited cuz in this fic neither Dean or Cas are dom/sub they both like to switch~ In this scene they’re both trying on collars and stuff and Cas is all gung-ho about it like “this has to be perfect, Dean, the best” and Dean’s just like “hnrnrhghrhghhhhhhhhh….” *blushy blushy*

You can’t really tell but the metal bolts on the collar are green~ I think Dean’s having a little bit of a tough time closing that clasp……

Reasons I Don't Like Severus Snape

The topic has been covered extensively over the years, but I thought I’d take my turn. This is a comprehensive roundup that focuses on my feelings toward the character himself, as well as the arguments that are frequently used to defend him. No Severus Snapes were harmed in the making of this post. 

  • He was a grown adult teacher who bullied his students. 
  • He repeatedly and publicly humiliated an innocent 11-year-old child, mocked a young girl’s physical appearance until she cried, sabotaged students’ work, tormented Neville constantly, tried to poison his pet, was Neville’s worst fear, goaded a teenager about his dead family, and played favorites when handing out punishment.
  • Teachers have legal, physical, and emotional control over students’ academic careers. Hogwarts being a boarding school means this power imbalance extended inescapably into their ‘home’ lives. Side-effects of bullying include depression, health problems, behavioral problems, and decreased academic achievement.  Bullies are bad teachers.
  • I’m a TA. My kids are sweet, mean, obedient, un-academic, loud, brilliant, hard to discipline - whatever your kids are like, whether you run your classroom like a tight ship or a party boat, they are children not military enlistees, you are an adult and they are your responsibility.
  • If you are a teacher and you fucking torment your students I will fuck you up. Please eat worms in a ditch. 
  • The idea that Snape 'needed’ to be cruel to 'maintain his cover’ is hilarious. He went a bit above and beyond that call of duty, no? Besides, you know what’s a thousand times more useful to Voldemort than cruelty? Being someone Harry trusted, like Quirrell or Moody - a favorite teacher, an old friend of his mother’s, who when the time came could bring Harry right to Voldemort.
  • He was horrible to a child.
  • No child deserves horrible treatment.
  • Unless we’re talking The Omen. However, Harry Potter is not the literal Antichrist.
  • “But Harry’s parents -”
  • No.
  • That’s Harry’s parents. Harry was blameless. If you mistreat a child for something beyond his control - because he reminds you of the woman you loved, his existence contributed to her death, or he looks like the man you hated - you are a piece of shit.
  • Snape was biased against Harry from day one and willfully blind to his objectively good qualities. (“….mediocre, arrogant as his father, a determined rule-breaker, delighted to find himself famous, attention-seeking and impertinent…."  / "You see what you expect to see, Severus. Other teachers report that the boy is modest, likable, and reasonably talented.”)
  • Rowling herself said that if Harry was not Lily’s son, Snape would not give a single poop about him. Snape protected him for Lily. This means that if Neville had been the Chosen One, Snape would have let him die. Snape didn’t care, in principle, about the newborn baby that wizard!Hitler wanted to murder in his quest for genocide. We know this because Snape told the Prophecy to Voldemort to begin with. (“Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?” / “For him?” shouted Snape.)
  • Risking your life to protect someone does not absolve you from all the other shit you have pulled. Snape fans should be familiar with this concept, seeing as they often bring it up when discussing James Potter and the Whomping Willow.
  • He didn’t care about Lily’s agency.
  • Loving someone does not mean you will do right by them - not if you ignore their opinions and choices.
  • He was ready to sacrifice Lily’s husband and son, in blatant disregard for her feelings and the life of an innocent baby. (“Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?” / “I have… I have asked him….” / “You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?”)
  • If this does not bother you, please imagine someone pulling you from a house fire and purposely leaving your child/friend/significant other to die.
  • What was he expecting to happen afterward? Her husband and son die, a genodical maniac wins the war, and Lily is supposed to be… happy?
  • He also ripped a photo of Lily with her family in half and stole it.
  • She was right to end their friendship. No one should have to ‘be there’ for someone who is calling them slurs and signing up to murder their friends. Suggesting that 'losing’ Lily is a valid excuse for his Death Eater involvement is gross, and you are gross. Women are not things to be won or lost.
  • He was deeply prejudiced.
  • (“Wouldn’t spy on you, anyway,” he added spitefully, “you’re a Muggle.”)
  • (“Mulciber! D'you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?” / “That was nothing,” said Snape. “It was a laugh, that’s all.” / “It was Dark Magic, and if you think that’s funny….”)
  • You can blame his upbringing for this, but growing up in a prejudiced (or abusive) situation does not absolve you of violent bigotry.
  • Andromeda Black, Sirius Black, Regulus Black, Albus Dumbledore, Dudley Dursley, Victor Krum (grew up at Durmstrang), Remus Lupin (not abused but suffered terrible pain and discrimination, partially at Snape’s own hands in PoA), Draco Malfoy (arguably), and Harry Potter all learned not to perpetuate the cycle of violence and bigotry in adulthood.
  • James Potter being an asshole as a teenager does not excuse Snape’s actions. Similarly, there’s talk about how awful it was of James and Harry to use Levicorpus and Sectumsempra - but Snape invented those spells.
  • If you don’t hold people responsible for their actions, you enable bad decisions like joining the Wizarding equivalent of the Nazis or KKK.
  • Snape joined the Wizarding equivalent of the Nazis or KKK.
  • (”I’ve made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends. You see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?“)
  • He willfully participated in a genocidal hate group, with fun recreational activities such as torture and murder -
  • Of people like Lily Evans. The entire goddamn point is that Lily was not special. I don’t mean she wasn’t an amazing person, I mean that she was a Muggleborn girl in a world of Muggleborn girls being tortured, killed and terrorized. They are all Lily, and deserved to live because life is a human right - not because someone fell in love with them.  And because he turned against Voldemort for Lily, we have no proof that he would ever have rejected Death Eater values on an ethical, ideological, or humanitarian basis.

anonymous asked:

do you hate anons...

only if they’re

  • i play flute and my crush plays violin will it work out???
    • (do you really think i can tell you based on that information)
  • i’m playing [difficult piece] and it’s hard
    • (cool. is there a question)
  • what about e flat minor?
    • (you might wonder why i hate this question. it’s because i get it all the time. e flat minor is nice to listen to and bad to play. now sh)
  • what do you think about fried duck poops with legs shaped like apache helicopters
    • (random does not equal funny. it’s 2017. stop)
  • anything that can be answered just by looking at my blog
    • (just look at my fucking blog)
  • why do you hate canon in D?
    • (i’ve answered this more often than a cello in canon in D has to play D-A-B-F#-G-D-G-A. just google you-had-me-at-e-flat-major pachelbel)

other than that no

I’m sorry

Originally posted by jacexclaryxshadowhunters

Request from Anon hey i was wondering if you could write a jace x reader where the reader has been living in the institute and grew up with the lightwoods but she begins to get feelings for jace and no one notices. then clary comes along and izzy, the reader’s best friend, catches on and the reader doesn’t want to ruin her friendship with jace and doesn’t want to tell him, but somehow it comes out and jace is completely shocked. you can choose the outcome as you see fit :) thanks so much!❤️

My blog - here

My ask box ( Requests are open)  - here

Keep reading

*Preview* (to be continued...)


Future Genre(s):  Smut, Fluff, Angssst.

People: Y/n (you) x Kim Taehyung.

Summary:
As a single mom who has worked her way up to the top in the broadcasting world, how exactly will you react when one of the most popular boys in K-Pop starts to take interest in your personal life? Better yet, when he wants to become more than just a boy, but a man towards you.

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poop emoji review

aka smiling pile of poop my all time fave emoji as i a piece of shit relate to it anyway lets begin 

i may be bias but this is familiar to me i view him as a friend he has a nice smile and kind eyes looks a little like ice cream but i feel that’s part of the charm 5/5

something about the eyes are off putting i feel threatened shaped like a flame? idk the bottom is round makes me feel like its floating very menacing im afraid of this emoji 2/5

again thick borders from microsoft but this guy does seem friendly unlike mr google up there his smile seems genuine feel hes trying his best 4/5 

what is this a blob?? no mouth?? where r the layers this poop looks sloppy n gross like u need to take the dog to the vet make sure hes ok and i dont like the floating eyebrows 1/5

its alright but i dont like the eyes to mouth ratio tho or the colour 2/5 

no effort from htc as per usual not even a face on this guy at first glance it looks like a thumbs up 0/5 

another poop emoji with scary eyes its a friendly shape otherwise 3/5

looks like a chrater from a kids movie that would be voiced by Patrick Warburton 3/5

what a cute guy the 2d approach looks good on this emoji he seems like hed always be excited to see you 5/5

he looks really happy and cute like hes ready to have a fun time 4/5

adorable i love the expression on this guys face shaped like a friend 5/5

emojidex disappoints again…

Fetching

Originally posted by parkjigguk

Summary: Dalgom ran, and so did she - right into the one person who might just change her whole life.

Jisoo/Female Reader, very slight angst, fluff, open-ended

Requested

Warnings: Slight swearing

Word Count: 2,480 (6 Pages)

POV: Jisoo, Third Person

Anon said: “Jisoo takes Dalgom out for a walk and he runs away. She searches for him and find him in the company of a really cute girl. Jisoo tries to flirt but is lowkey awkward but the girls really likes it and asked Jisoo out after she’s too flustered.”


A/N: This is the first time I’ve written for Jisoo on this blog, and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, honestly. It was a creative request! It’s not very long(it’s one of my shorter ones, in fact), but I didn’t feel that any more length was necessary for this piece. I like it as it is, so here you go! Enjoy!


Keep reading

one piece sentence starters ( pt. 4 ) / edit pronouns as necessary

  • “who’s condoriando?”
  • “you’re a moron and a coward.”
  • “i hate people like you!”
  • “i won’t let you laugh at that!”
  • “they’re going to fall off! just like an orange!”
  • “do mermaids poop?”
  • “look what you did!”
  • “so, i just have to kick his ass, right?”
  • “shameless woman!”
  • “was that a magic trick?!”
  • “so, it’s a mystery hole.”
  • “my captain has no business with a chunk of stone like you.”
  • “suck it up and deal with me instead.”
  • “you need directions or something?”
  • “a beautiful lady swordsman just arrived with a ton of meat.”
  • “nobody will escape me.”
  • “relax, this will be over soon.”
  • “i’m sure you can do it.”
  • “that’s sexual harassment.”
  • “if you’re too afraid to make mistakes, you won’t be able to do anything.”
  • “that’s not an insult.”
  • “leave no ass unkicked!”
  • “it is because i am… beautiful!”
  • “it’s a beam!”
  • “wow, even the shell called you stupid.”
  • “idiots.”
  • “don’t say anything or someone will die.”
  • “this guy is really pissing me off!”
  • “you look stupid.”
  • “i love giraffes.”
  • “neanderthal!”
  • “don’t answer him!”
  • “the pigeon can’t hit you so he made that guy do it!”
  • “roosters don’t crow like that!”
  • “emergency food supply.”
First Class [DRABBLE]

“Babe, I’ve got to go and check in,” you explained to your fiancé, pulling your suitcase through the airport towards your check-in desk.  “I’ll text you when I get through security.”

Through the phone, you could hear Baekhyun sigh sadly. “I miss you already,” he told you, his words tugging on your heart like a dull but constant ache. “Make sure you look after my hoodie.”

You smiled into the collar, immediately smelling Baekhyun’s scent around you. It made you miss him more but you knew it was his favourite hoodie so it was like taking a piece of him with you. “I’ll take good care of it,” you assured him, finding the queue you were supposed to be in. “I’ve gotta go babe. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied quickly.

Hanging up, you slipped your phone into your pocket and got your ticket out of your bag. As you did, your suitcase fell out of tour grip and toppled to the floor. “Ah poop,” you muttered under our breath, crouching down to pick it up.

“Let me help you,” a familiar voice offered as someone crouched down next to you with slender hands reaching for your suitcase.

You’d recognise those hands anywhere.

Looking up, your eyes found your fiancé’s beautiful eyes and the ache in your heart disappeared in a heartbeat. “Baekhyun what are you doing here?” you asked slightly breathlessly, getting back up to your feet.

“I’m going on holiday with my fiancé to see her family,” he replied simply, passing you your suitcase before wrapped his arm around your waist. “They’re going to be my family too. You can’t go on family holidays without me,” he added with a sulky but adorable pout.

“But what about work?” you asked, knowing he was in the middle of filming a new drama.

He took your suitcase and started wheeling it along with his to the check-in desk. “I’ve got a couple of days off from filming. I’ll have to come back early but at least I get to spend some time with your family. I’ve not seen them in ages.”

You looked at him with wide eyes, still in shock that he was in front of you with a suitcase ready to go on holiday with you and your family. “You’re the best fiancé ever,” you told him, snuggling closer to kiss his cheek. He smelt so much better than his hoodie. “My parents are going to be so surprised.”

“Well let’s check in and then get a drink in the first class lounge,” he said, kissing you on the corner of your mouth before pulling you up to the desk.

“First class?” you asked, frowning at your fiancé as he busied himself with tickets and passports.

“We’re travelling in style baby.”


[masterlist]

  • natasha vandalizing clint’s quiver WITH pi ctures of clint as a bird 
  • natasha using bucky’s arm like a whiteboard and writing the grocery list on it (“james don’t look at me like that look at how useful this is we can go shopping and don’t have to worry about misplacing a piece of paper”)
  • natasha calling Steve “старпер” (old fart) and when he’s asleep she outlines his abs in permanent marker
  • natasha dressing as a nesting doll for halloween 
  • natasha buying all of them socks with the russian flag on them for christmas.
  • natasha texting tony in the middle of the night just with the poop emoji
  • natasha sending bruce a complex coded message and telling him that she needs to figure out what it says because it’s urgent and lives depend on it, and he stays up for two nights to solve it and when he finally does, it spells out ‘lol sucker’
  • natasha telling sam she spent days making him a really good mixtape and the only song on it is “i believe i can fly” 10 times

mythical-menagerie-deactivated2  asked:

Soooo I've been trying to collect the FNAF figures and so far I have foxy and Chica. And with them is sprint rap pieces so I currently have his head and leg. MY BRO PICKS UP HIS BODY AND GOES "why did they make a toy that looks like poop?" I tried to explain and then he just started calling him Poopman. Pls help.

drarry-malter  asked:

Never Stop by Safetysuit because I'm a shmoopy, romantic piece of poop??? 😚😚😚

oh dear, so am i (and i saw you wanted drarry, don’t worry!) also i just kinda went off a few lines and ran with it (and i mean really ran with it)?? anyway, hope you enjoy!


I’ll never stop losing my breath
Every time I see you looking back at me
I’ll never stop holding your hand
I’ll never stop holding your door

It felt like something out of a dream.

The mornings they’d wake up curled together, smiles and yawns and sleepy kisses shared over coffee before work, dinners with Ron and Hermione or Blaise and Pansy, nights that were so impossibly perfect that Draco hadn’t ever thought they could exist.

And it was all real.

Draco was pondering this while sitting on their bed, Harry fussing with his tie in the mirror in front of him. Draco smiled slightly at the sight of his fumbling fingers, always so strong and capable yet unable to figure out the tie.

Draco caught his eye in the mirror, trying not to laugh. Harry smiled and glanced down before blushing and looking back.

“Admit it,” Harry said. “You think this is hilarious.”

“It’s a bit amusing, yes.”

“Prat.”

Draco grinned. “It’s not my fault Blaise picked a fancy place.”

Harry shook his head and smiled before speaking. His voice was a bit softer, more sincere. “You haven’t really done this before, have you?” 

“I’ve worn a tie before, Potter, sometimes I think you forget how I was raised.”

Harry gave up on the tie and turned around to face Draco. “No, I mean the dinners. The living together. The whole-” he waved his hand in the air, “-couple thing.”

Draco suddenly felt shy, slowly reaching for Harry’s hand and tugging him in to sit on the bed. “You a mind reader or something?”

“So I was right,” Harry said, holding Draco’s hand with both of his, turning it over and stroking his skin.

“In a way.”

Harry glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow, asking silently for an elaboration. 

“Well… My parents were very in love when I was younger, my father would bring my mother gifts, flowers, the whole thing. He adored her.” Draco sighed, and Harry squeezed his hand. “Things became strained when everything… You know….”

Harry nodded, leaning in close to press a kiss just under Draco’s ear. Draco felt himself blush.

“What was that for?”

Harry kissed him again and shrugged, simply saying “I like you.”

Draco snorted softly. “I should hope so.”

“Well, I do.” Harry smiled up at him and Draco felt like his heart was louder in his ears. “What about you?”

“I like you too, Harry.”

“No,” Harry laughed. “I mean, with your parents, and the rest… What about you?”

“Oh. Well, after things started going downhill with them, I wasn’t really exposed to a lot of… couple things, as you’d say.”

“Ah.”

Draco smirked at Harry, going back to their earlier banter. “I kissed Theo Nott at a party a few times, though.”

“Hm,” Harry said, raising both eyebrows. “Should I be jealous?”

“Very,” Draco murmured, leaning down and pressing his lips to Harry’s, definitely surpassing Theodore Nott’s kissing skills.

Harry smiled when they broke apart, still holding Draco’s hand. “You know what this means though, don’t you?”

“What?”

“I’m going to have to plan every cliche date and sappy, romantic gesture possible. To make up for lost time.”

Suddenly Draco felt choked up, gazing at Harry smiling up at him and absentmindedly tracing circles on Draco’s hand. 

“Every cliche, huh?” he said softly.

Harry nodded. “Picnic in the park. Dinner and a film, shared popcorn. Top of the Eiffel tower, even, if we get the time off. Maybe that bridge, the one with the locks, if we’ve got the time.”

“You… You want to take me to Paris? To Pont des arts?”

Harry just kept smiling, and Draco felt like he could burst.

“If that’s what it’s called, yeah, I’d like to.”

Cliche romantic picnic film Paris lost time-

“Speechless…?” Harry’s voice was soft, and Draco could barely nod before he was kissing him again.

“We’ve got to- Blaise- Dinner-” Harry said between kisses.

Draco pulled back. “I think Blaise can stand to wait a few more moments.”

Harry’s smile then was better than all the trips to France Draco could imagine.

Anime Described with SpongeBob Quotes 3

Spice and Wolf: “I’d like to buy that piece of plastic with this piece of plastic.” (D. Galaddick)

Yu Yu Hakusho: “We all came as soon as we were sure you were dead”

Assassination Classroom: “This looks like a job for the HALL MONITOR”

Sword Art Online: “Now I’m a jerk and everybody loves me!”

FLCL: “Uhh, I can explain”

Fullmetal Alchemist: “My Leg!” (D. Galaddick)

Clannad: “I need four ply four ply four ply when I cry.” (D. Galaddick)

Psycho Pass: “Good police work Officer Nancy”

Mirai Nikki: “Sounds like a lot of - HOOPLA!” (C. Montana)

Space Dandy: “You’re going to miss the PANTY RAID” (L. LaClair)

Deadman Wonderland: “You need a nice long stay in SOLITARY CONFINEMENT”

One Piece: “Let’s get that poop” (C. Montana)

Madoka Magica: “Who else would like to enter the FLY OF DESPAIR?”

K-ON: “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” (D. Gladdick)

Hibike Euphonium: “Horse radish is not an instrument either” (D. Gladdick)

To keirra13 Happy Birthday! Sorry it is late :) and sorry it’s not great <3