this just stood out in my memory

I Would Hate You If I Could
I Would Hate You If I Could

I hear you’ve been telling all your friends that you’re done with me
Like you always knew things wouldn’t work out.
And I’ve been hearing things from people that I don’t want to talk to,
Like it matters who you’re sleeping with now.

Can I erase from my mind anything that you said or
Any time that we spent with each other?
I don’t want to waste away another cell on a memory
When you’re just another meaningless lover.

Forget the nights that we spent laughing
Until the morning on your bedroom floor
Without a thought about your roommate asleep down the hall.
Forget the days we’d waste in bed, tangled,
The smoke still on your breath,
Undressed and pinning you up to the wall.

And I swore I heard you talking when I was tossing in my sleep.
You were always trying to walk in circles around me.
I was out one night when I saw you and you froze me where I stood.
I would hate you, I would hate you if I could.

Forget the nights that we spent laughing
Until the morning on your bedroom floor
Without a thought about your roommate asleep down the hall.
Forget the days we’d waste in bed, tangled,
The smoke still on your breath,
Undressed and pinning you up to the wall.

I would hate you but I’m not finished yet.

Even you, up on that pedestal, the time will come
When you will deconstruct yourself and remake what you are.
When it does you’ll remember me and the words I spoke
And wonder how you ever could have strayed so far.

Memory loss  Joker x Reader

A/n: So I used a different prompt and then I realized someone made a request for that prompt, so I had to switch to these prompts because they looked like they fit the best.

5. “I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

38. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

55. “I fell in love with my best friend.”

35. “Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you.”

Y/N cried as Frost told her the news. She let out ugly sobs as Frost stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to comfort her. Stage one: Sorrow.

“I-is he okay? Will he be okay?”

“Miss, he’ll be fine. There is just some memory loss-”

“How did this happen?” Y/N snapped. Stage two: Anger.

“The deal went wrong. He was too close to the blast. Y/N, he’ll be ok-”

“How much does he remember?” Stage three: Act like you weren’t crying five seconds ago.

“He-” Frost paused. He didn’t want to upset her and have her crying again.

“He didn’t remember me, but you’re closer to him so maybe-” Here come the waterworks.

“I want to see him.” She sobbed.

“Miss I don’t think that’s a good idea. His memory comes and goes. One minute he’s back to his old self and the next he’s a little kid-”

“I want to see him. Now.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and stared up at him. Giving a little sniff, her red eyes blinked as she started to pout subconsciously. Frost sighed and led her to where he left J. When they walked in, J must have been back in gangster mode because he was putting on his gold chains.

“Oh! Freeze, there you are. Where were you? I told you to bring me a latte. Who’s this?” He raised his brow as Y/N sobbed.

“J, it’s me. It’s Y/N.” He scowled at her.

“That’s Mr. J to you, sweets. What are you suppose to be? Housekeeping?”

“I’m your girlfriend!” She was almost pleased when J smiled, until she realized that smile was one of his evil ones. J placed a hand on Frost’s shoulder.

“Freeze, you never told me I had my own personal stripper!” Frost had to hold Y/N back as she made a move to punch him.
“You can’t hit him, he still has a concussion.”  J laughed as he watched the scene in front of him.

“Honey you’ll have to show me your moves when I get back.” Y/N gave Frost a confused look.

“Where’s he going?” Frost shook his head.

“I don’t know. It changes every five minutes. The doctor said he needs to rest, so he can’t leave.” Y/N nods and sighs.

“Frost, take the day off. I’ll deal with him.” Before Frost could open his mouth, Y/N beat him to it.

“Yes, I’m sure.” He hesitated but eventually left, leaving her alone with J who was looking at her stuff.

“I’m going to be late.” He told her and she made a noise of fake-concern.

“J, I’ll make sure you’re not late. I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“It’s Mr. J.” He whined like a little kid.

“I’m sorry, Mr. J. What are you going to be late for?” Her heart beat sped up as he picked up a gun, but she sighed with relief as he put it down.

“I have a dry cleaning appointment.”

“Oh? That’s cool.” He nodded and picked up a flower from a vase. He handed it to her, and as he extended his arm she noticed he reeked of gunpowder and sweat. Of course Frost wouldn’t have bathed him.

“Thanks, Mr. J. How about we-”

“It’s J.” Y/N blinked.

“Ok. You need a bath, you smell like gunpowder and death.”

“What’s that?”

“Gunpowder? That’s the stuff that-”

“No, what’s a bath?” Oh dear lord. Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose.

“J, it’s-”

“Mr. J.” He corrected and she clenched her teeth.

“Mr. J-”

“J.” Y/N grabbed a pillow and screamed into it. When she got her anger under control, she realized he was laughing at her.

“I’m hungry.”

“I don’t care. You’re getting a bath.” He didn’t seem to like this and glared at her. She ignored him and grabbed his hand, leading him to the bathroom. She got the water running and noticed J was still pouting. When she went to take off his chains he looked sad.

“What are you doing?”

“You can put them back on afterwards. Get in the tub.” Her patience was gone by this point.

“No.” She clenched her teeth and took in a deep breath.

“J, I’m not going to ask you again. Get in the damn tub.” He glared at the floor.

“It’s Mr. J.” He grumbled.

“Take off your clothes and get in the tub. Now.” She raised her voice, feeling a little bad when he pouted at the floor.

“Seriously? You’re going to be like this? Fine.” Y/N took off his chains and his shirt, closing her eyes when she got to the lower areas. She blindly fumbled with his pants. When she finally got them off, she then gave him a shove.

“Get in the tub.” He didn’t move. Her eyes were still closed, and she bit her cheek.

“J get in the tub!” She gave him a hard shove. A wave of relief filled her when she heard him get in. She peaked one eye open cautiously, then the other when she noticed the bubbles covered everything. The look on his face reminded her of a puppy who didn’t want a bath. He glared at her, which would have been intimidating if he wasn’t a 5 year old stuck in a criminal’s body. She scoffed.

“And everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” She picked up a loofah  and started moving it up and down his arms. He let out a purr as she massaged his neck.

“Turn around.” She giggled when he did a little spin in the tub. It went from cute to annoying real fast when he kept spinning.

“J, enough.” He stopped and swayed, giggling as he noticed the look on her face. Then he picked up some bubbles and placed them on her head. She wiped them off, annoyed. He splashed her and she ended up throwing the loofah at him, satisfied when it hit him in the face. Her satisfactory vanished when she saw the loofah disappear from beneath the bubbles. She swore and dove her hand in to try and grab it. J saw his opportunity and yanked her in with him.She sputtered and coughed when she came up.

Before I do this, I need you to know I’ve always loved you.” Her intention was to smack him, to get him to stop goofing off, but that urge went away. He smiled at her and then gave her a kiss on the cheek. His smile soon disappeared when he realized she was crying.

“What’s wrong?” She leaned into his chest and wrapped her arms around him.

“Do you really not remember me?” She sighed when she noticed he wasn’t paying attention.

“I’m hungry.” She placed a soft kiss to his neck, causing him to purr.

“We met at Arkham. I was your psychiatrist. You should have seen me, I’ve never been so excited to go to work everyday.” She let out something between a laugh and a sob. “I used to sneak in your cell at night sometimes, remember? You still had control over me even in that straitjacket.” She blushed as she remember most of those nights ended in them kissing.

I fell in love with my best friend.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked up at him. She frowned as she noticed he was silently wheezing.

“J, you- you bastard!” She hit his shoulder as he kept laughing, tears of his own rolling down his cheeks.

“It’s not funny! I thought I lost you.” She glared at him as he kept wheezing.

‘You had control over me even in that straitjacket’ ” He quoted her and then started laughing again, this time a loud cackle. Her face turned red and she flinched.

“How long have you known, asshole?”

“Oh come on, my own personal stripper? Did you seriously not get the joke?” Y/N thought for a second.

“You mean to tell me, you had Frost lie to me, just to play a stupid prank?” She was seething. J only rolled his eyes and ran his hand up and down her thigh.

“The water is gonna get cold soon, wanna-” He was cut off by her angrily stomping out.

“Aw, c’mon honey! Don’t be that way!” he got out and followed her, still naked. She went into their spare bedroom and slammed the door. Frost heard the commotion and went toward the source, quickly averting his eyes when he realized his boss was naked. J looked at him, not a hint of embarrassment on his face.

“Do you think we went too far?”

Bc the North American bumblebee that is endangered a memory– in 5th grade I had a shoe box with materials I made to look like a home (couch, bed, etc) and I labeled it BFF club. Which stood for bees for friends. Now I wouldn’t catch bees and put them in it, it was more just dedicated to the bees. I’d go out with my box and sing “why can’t we bEE friends” by all the flower bushes.

Star Trek Advent Calendar

Day 6 - Favorite crewmember 

Honestly, I’m going to say Janeway even though I haven’t seen a lot of Voyager. In all the Voyager episodes I’ve seen, Janeway just always stood out and really struck me. All Star Fleet Captains are strong willed and ever prepared for whatever, but somehow Janeway felt different. And, looking at her past via Memory-Alpha … I could make a real case for her suffering from Major Depressive Disorder. Which, is probably why she’s so striking in every episode where’s she’s getting by on coffee and pure will-power alone, not only keeping herself together but just doing her best job to keep the entire ship together. She’s just such an inspiration in that regard. 

(original do it for her post and another inspiring Janeway post cause why not)


A/N: this is a random one shot that I wrote in a moment of temporary freedom from essays and life.I didn’t read over it so I don’t know if it’s good or makes any sense whatsoever…. Anyways….. xo

I just had to tell myself to keep breathing. I told myself it wasn’t going to be as bad as I was making it out to be. It was all in my head.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I made my way in to rehearse. It was the first time I was going to be performing the song live and I wanted it to go well. I didn’t want to let everyone down. But it was just the place, the event, the memories….

I stood up straight and walked confidently to the side of the BRITS stage. Well, at least I thought I looked confident.

“You okay there, T?” Zayn asked, looking at me weirdly as I got closer to him and the floor producer for the show.

“Yeah, totally fine.” I replied, plastering a smile on my face as he looked at me, not at all convinced. I knew Gigi would have mentioned something to him. All my friends knew why I had been hesitant to accept the invitation to perform tonight, without me even telling them they knew.

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“I mean, I wasn’t even in Hoenn ten years back. Sure, I explored the region’s Sealed Chamber area recently but that’s it, trust me!”

Anabel continued to remain silent. The man shifted a bit under her empty gaze; it was bad enough already that a police officer showed up for questioning out of the blue.

But after a few moments, she stood straight and spoke firmly, “Ah. Of course. That.. Is understandable.”

She offered her hand out for a handshake, and he promptly reciprocated the offer.

“I really hope your case is successful and this girl is found soon enough, miss…?”

“… Ah, just call me ‘Lila.’ Thank you for your time…!”

“Are all my ‘memories’ fake then?! What am I supposed to believe?!– I thought that– I thought that– it felt so real!! Do I even exist?!”

Pyramid King Brandon: Part 1 / 2 / 3

I went into my room and just stood there.
So many memories that I cannot forget.
Especially when I’m in HERE.
I am suffocating in sadness,
it’s filling my lungs.
I go to the box and take out the note.
That I’ve been too afraid to look at.
“I love you so much. Im so happy I met you. I can’t wait for the day when we start a family.”
Tears spilling down my face,
I throw the note on the floor.
I start knocking all my books off the table.
I scream.
I start throwing things at the wall.
I am broken,
but angry.
I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling.
“Dear GOD, please take this pain away.” I whisper
—  Chapters from my life
Soulmate AU: Soulmates Get Reincarnated with Their Memories Usually Intact

P/N = Previous Life’s Name

The images were usually very fragmented and fuzzy for you but if you focused hard enough and just long enough, you could make them out.

It was the 70s, you were in a hospital bed, and you could see his silhouette. He was tall yet the furthest thing from intimidating, even as he stood over you, saying something. You could never really make out exactly what the words were, but judging by the tone of concern that surrounded them, you could tell that they were words of worry. Maybe even a light scolding. You felt his hands cup your face and his lips pressed to your forehead. If you looked down, you’d see that your leg was in a large cast.

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Hard to Handle - Danny x Reader - Chapter 3.5

Series Name: Hard to Handle

Chapter Name: Smells like Teen Spirit (aka the High School chapter)

Pairing: Danny x Reader

Word Count: 2162

Parts: 1 | 2 | 2.5 | 3 | (3.5) | 4 | 5 | 6 | 6.5 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I’ve been in and out of the hospital for brain stuff and my memory is really bad right now. Love you guys! <3

TW: Alcohol

Read on AO3.

You were late. Only a little late, but late nonetheless. You had planned perfectly, gotten ready just in time and then you had noticed the stain. It was small and not too noticeable, but it was the result of a white-out disaster that had happened weeks ago and it looked exactly like a cum stain—not really the first impression you were shooting for.

The dress went directly into the trash.

You stood in front of your closet, looking for something else that qualified as cute but that didn’t look like you were going out on the town (or out on a date, for that matter.) You rifled through the clothes you had that were still clean. You really needed to do laundry sooner rather than later, but that was a problem for another day. Future You may not thank you for it, but Current You was quite content with the arrangement. You pushed a few dresses to the side and wondered, briefly, where you had acquired a pantsuit. You settled on a simple light-green camisole and a floral skirt (with pockets!)

Even with all of that, you were almost on time. You grabbed the two bottles of bourbon you had been saving for a special occasion and were striding to the door when someone knocked. Almost.

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If I could have our moment again
The last time I seen you
In the car park next to your car
As it was all ending
Ild squeeze you harder
Look you in the eyes
Make it clearer than day
You had been the girl from across the room
That stood out like no one else
Just as I’ve seen in the movies
You had effected me more in minutes
Than others had my whole life
Ild hold you for seconds longer
Just to keep our memory alive
Unfortunately forever wasn’t our fate
But trust me you still linger
When ever I’m having my highest highs
Or crashing down to new lows
I just want you here again

I Miss You

Aalon Green

Old Scars

Request Prompt: Could you do a Carl x reader where he comforts her after finding her old self harm scars and panicking because he thinks you did them recently? Thank you xx -littlemisscaptainfandom

Pairing: Carl Grimes x Reader

Warning: Self harm mentions, Fluff

The world is trying to die. And were suppose to just let it.

Enid’s words echoed in the back of my head while I searched for diapers and formula. Carl searched the pantry while I ransacked the kitchen. I stood still for a second looking out the window before my eyes flickered to the scars on my arm. I pushed back the memories that tried to pry their way out as a bright packet caught my eye. I noticed a bright pack and reached for it letting the cardboard box graze my fingers.

“No way.”, I muttered with a smile causing Carl to halt his actions.

“What?”, he asked and I jumped up and down.

“Gushers!! A whole box of em”, I shrieked quietly and he shook his head.

“All that for some fruit snacks?”, he asked and I hadn’t noticed my sleeve push up.

“Uh yeah. They’re Gushers.”, I stated.

I could feel his stare burning holes in the back of my head as I pushed the fruity treats in my backpack. I turned my head with an annoyed sigh.

“What?”, I asked before following his gaze to my arm.

“What’s that?”, he asked pointing at my arm.

My eyes scanned the old scared cuts before quickly placing a hand over them.

“Its nothing. Just forget you saw them. Did you find anything?”, I said trying to change the subject and he shook his head.

“Y/N. Who did that?”, he asked again walking closer and I backed into the counter.

“Let it go Carl please.”, I pleaded.

I quickly covered my arm before a walker stalked into the house with fresh blood dripping down its chin. Carl reluctantly grabbed my hand and we both ran back to the community. He banged on the gate before it was pushed open by Eugene.

“Find anything?”, Rick asked walking towards us.

“Yeah. But probably won’t last long.”, Carl stated.

“I um- I’m gonna go back to my room.”, I said quietly walking away from Carl.

I didn’t want him to see them. I never wanted him to see them. Now he’s going to see me as some depressed, lonely chick. Or worse, that someone did hurt me. He’s gonna raise hell. I grabbed the box of gushers I found and climbed out of my back room window onto the roof facing away from the community. I opened a single packet got a whiff of the fruity goodness I use to love as a child. I enjoyed the silence for about an hour before I heard the roof creak behind me and I locked eyes with Carl.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”, he questioned and I shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter.”, I stated.

“Doesn’t matter? Y/N if someone hurt you, you need to tell me.”, he shouted.

“No one hurt me Carl. I did it to myself.”, I sighed and his angry expression softened.

“Y/N you could kill yourself by accident do you know that. I wish you would’ve come talk to me before even thinking about hurting yourself.”, he said confusing me.

We didn’t even know each other when I did these. Something clicked in my mind and I giggled.

“This isn’t funny.”, he said sternly.

“It kinda is. Look Carl I know you are worried. But these are really old. Like back when I was in high school old.”, I told him and his muscles relaxed.

“I would come to you if I had those thoughts again. I mean I had them earlier but I wasn’t thinking about hurting myself again. I’ve moved past that I hope.”, I continued.

“Why would you hurt yourself to begin with?”, he asked as he sat next to me.

“I was bullied a lot in school. People called me ugly, fat, bitch, slut, anything you can think of I’ve heard it. One day I just couldn’t take it and I slid the razor over my arm. I never cut anywhere near my wrists though.”, I said holding in the tears.

“I just wanted the pain to go away.”, I cried and he wrapped an arm around me.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that Y/N.”, he whispered kissing my temple.

“Its okay.”

“But what did you mean you thought of it earlier?”, he asked and I looked over the wall as the wind blew my hair.

“Some one thing Enid said to me this morning. I keep replaying it in my head and it makes me worry.”, I said.

“What did she say?”. He asked me.

“Y/N, she didn’t threaten you did she?”, he asked getting worked up.

“No. Of course not. If she did shed be dead or hurt somewhere.”, I joked and he chuckled.

“She said the worlds trying to die. And that we should let it.”, I mumbled.

“But by doing that, we die too. I just thought at that second that maybe she’s right. But then I saw how you freaked over my scars and thought otherwise.”, I said and he pulled me into his lap.

“If we let it die then were giving up. I won’t give up if it means I’m keeping you and Judith safe.”, he muttered and I wrapped my arms around him.

“Promise me if you ever think of thoughts like that you’ll come to me. Then we can get rid of them together.”, he said and I nodded before he kissed me softly.

“I promise.”

The Band-Aid of Love

Sitting by myself on the park bench, I noticed a little girl roaming around without a care. I chucked remembering when I was like her… happy and free spirited. I began to space out as the memories of my childhood continued to flood my mind.

“Uhm hello, miss!” I heard a voice say.

“Huh- What?” I shook my head easing my way back into reality. In front of me stood that little girl. Curiously, I asked, “Can I help you with anything?”

“Hmmmm, not really. I just came over because you looked sad and lonely,” she stated.

“Hah hah… yeah, is it that obvious?” I chuckled.

“Kinda! So why are you so sad? Oh wait! I know what will make you happy!” The little placed her backpack down and rummaged through it. She grabbed out a box of band-aids and said, “Here! It’s a band-aid!”

“Why are you giving me a band-aid?” I asked puzzled.

“Because my momma told me that bandaids heal all the boo-boos whether they’re big or small! Being sad is one bad ouchie so I thought this would help you!” she said like it was obvious.

From a distance, I heard a voice say, “Katie, come on! It’s time to go home!”

The little girl suddenly said, “Oh, that’s my momma! I better go, I hope the band-aid helps! Bye stranger!”

I noticed that the band-aid had a small red heart in the center of it. It seemed as if it were a band-aid of love. Huh, that has a nice ring to it. I stared down at it and for once in my life, things felt like they were going to be okay.

I was in Walmart looking for a gift card when I just happened to look over to the self check out and there you were. You look just like the last time I saw you. Tall, reddish hair, scruff. I don’t know how long I stood there staring but you looked up and caught my eyes. We just stood there, eyes locked. All the memories passing between us. You gave me that half smile and then someone in front of you caught your attention and you turn forward to listen. I notice the girl for the first time. I don’t even know how I missed her. It’s the girl you got with right after me. I look for a second, to you intently listening to her. I turn to carry on with what I was doing and I smile. Maybe that’s when you know you’re finally okay. When you see them face to face and it’s bittersweet but you smile about the memories instead of cry and it doesn’t hurt anymore to see them with someone else. We shared a moment together and that’s okay that it didn’t last. Not everything is meant to.
—  Chapters from my life

Nearly asleep, the breeze from the ceiling fan reminded me of something. Something in the way it whispered in my ear in inconsistent hushes and the slightly cool but comfortable temperature, like a late summer night on a beach.

I felt a crack. The smallest crack. The slightest pressure welled behind my face and I found myself caught off guard. A long forgotten memory rolled over me like shallow waves breaking softly on the sand in the dark around us. I could hear the tide again, I could smell salt in the air and I could taste it on my tongue.

Her hair was swaying slightly, dancing gently in the wind coming off the water. She stood next to me, the edge of her silhouette softly lit by the lights of the small theme park just down the pier.

The last time I saw her she was smiling at me so brightly that it was hard to see that she had no longer wanted to do so. If I had looked more closely maybe I would have seen how her eyes had reflected exhaustion. I didn’t see it, I don’t think I wanted to, but she was so tired by then. She had been tired for months.

I watched the rotation of the ceiling fan. I listened to the barely audible tick of my wrist watch that sat on my night stand. For a fleeting moment I was reminded just how heavy a heart can feel. No sadness, anger or anxiety, only weight.

All farewells are sudden.

‘David Yates’ most vivid memory of Emma is watching her suddenly let go of her steely professionalism and for once just be young and free. They were filming a deaths scene from Hallows Part 2 on a freezing-cold beach in Wales. The actors were miserable, especially Emma, who hates the cold and dislikes getting wet even more. But out of nowhere, he recalls “She ran into the icy water and stood there, holding herself against the waves with her arms outstretched, just laughing.” In that brief moment he got a sense of what it must be like to have a multibillion-dollar industry dependent on your every move and be only nineteen years old.’

We climbed into each other’s heads
with our very first hellos the only step ladders.
your mind was a tree house
you weren’t exactly sure how long the trunk had stood
but you built a home with what you had.
and you owned it like a castle
even if you had tumbled out a couple times.
I don’t know how you would describe my skull
I guess I never asked you.
I do remember blowing the dust
off every other memory I introduced to you
maybe that was obvious
maybe not.
you might have thought of me
as just another pretty home
to be explored
and then left with the door wide open
god knows I shut it tight behind you.
Because I realized
that just because you know someone’s secrets
doesn’t mean you know the person.
I have no idea what your voice sounds like
at 2 in the morning
you’ve never seen the way my hair inflates
to twelve times it’s size after I slide my fingers through it
just enough
I don’t even know if you believe in god
or not
either way is fine.
But we are still strangers
—  A.O.A.M. || Hidden Things Aren’t All That Matters

Have you ever woken up and been completely transported to the night before? Your mind has no time to warm itself up, to adjust to the light of morning. You are an empty husk, dried out from sleep, your stomach scooped out and filled with memories you wish were more vivid, more true. Never mind that the moment itself wasn’t perfect. That was what you liked about it: that it was real, and not some fantasy you created to help yourself fall asleep.

This morning I woke up and realized that you were gone; before I could even open my eyes I was tracing the outline of where you stood just yesterday. I pick at the flaws in the fabric, concentrating on the mess you’d made, the fact that I was still angry at you from our fight that morning. That I was annoyed at you for not noticing that I was annoyed. That I hated you.

I know all this, but in the same way I know when I look out at the ocean that the earth is round: somewhere there is an end, but until then everything I see is simply blue, and perfect.


I can’t express to you guys, the feelings I am going through having memories from these photos from a year ago. While things were so new and undiscovered, unrevealed. Before all our hearts got torn out by DW and we were so innocent in knowing what was to come. Our hearts were full, whole, and not yet mangled. And here I stood a full day, my first time as the face of Hiccup for the movie no one knew would break all our hearts yet put us through loops of emotion.
This event was so important to me that I had just been recovering from a major hospital visit, and even though it was hard, I got up and hobbled my peg-legged self to that showing in that armor because thats how much it meant to me.
Being Hiccup was worth every moment, and also every penny I spent seeing this movie over and over. And I still appreciate dreamworksanimation and kris0ten for inviting me and allowing me that opportunity. (Im still here if you guys ever want me.) This movie and the last has changed my life for ever, this is why it’s birthday is important. Happy Birthday, How to Train Your Dragon 2.
You are amazing.