this just might be... the truth

anonymous asked:

barty, truth -what does your dad really do to you? dare -tell someone who might do something about it, e.g. slughorn or mcgonagall

The spinner landed on…

Barty: *Sighs*

Barty: I… um… don’t want to say.  I don’t want to cause any problems…

Barty: Let’s just forget this once I say it…

Barty: … He’s hit me before.  A couple of times.  Not hard, but…

Barty: Just forget it.

drecona replied to your post “so much of this movie is Megamind attempting to re-frame his history…”

*brEAKS DOWN THE DOOR* ADDITION: WHEN ROXANE ASKS HIM IF HE THOUGHT SHE WOULD EVER BE WITH HIM HE SAYS NO sorry about your door i’ll just *pulls door back up and disappears into the void*

oooh, but, see–I’m not sure that is Megamind trying to reframe things to make them less awful, like– “I did believe you might be with me, but now that you’ve said that, I’m going to say no, and pretend that I never thought that, so that way it hurts less.”

I really think he’s telling the truth when he says no. He doesn’t believe she would ever be with him. He never did. He runs after her in the rain anyway, and asks her anyway, tries anyway, begs to be allowed to explain anyway

–but I don’t think he ever, ever expected any of that to work. He believes the entire time that it’s going to fail, but he loves her too much not to try his utmost anyway.

( Roxanne says, later, that Megamind’s best quality is his refusal to give up even when he knows he can’t win. )

(( Megamind goes to fight someone with the power of a god with nothing but a handful of technological parlor tricks and sheer fucking audacity and he laughs that he’s going to die, and Roxanne is right, I think, there really is something incredibly beautiful about that kind of hopeless defiance. ))

Dominance Truth: The Return

“Claiming a week” is actually just saying you’re pushing at that time, so that other flights can go “Hey, wanna battle?” but a while beforehand. Usually, when Conquesting against someone, you talk about it and agree to a battle. The whole flight does not go sneak attack.

“What about RUMBLE in the RUINS?!” you might ask. Light did, in fact, ask Earth the Saturday before the push week and Earth agreed. We did not step on their toes or bully them or sneak attack. Earth was up for it.

Earth is playing big, claiming all those weeks. Confident. And they should be! They’re up and coming as a new powerhouse. I like it. But that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t expect a challenge from others. Someone is going to go after that pre-NotN week, because the bonuses are pretty nice. Obviously it would be a bad move to challenge Earth for their fest week, but the other weeks? It’s anyone’s game.

Don’t back off and avoid someone’s toes just because they “claimed” a week. Go and fight! Do your best! Give them a run. You’re conquesting? Expect to win it with hard work.

Let’s get more battles rolling!

anonymous asked:

I came out as bi but I only did that because I have ex-boyfriends but I identify more as a lesbian and I just don't really know how to come out again even though I've already come out as bi. My really close friends know that I'm just gay but I don't know how to tell other people that might not understand. Help??????

Tell the truth. Explain that you were just confused because you had ex boyfriends (if they’d like to know more give em a crash course on compulsive heterosexuality). If people give you crap, don’t mind them. You aren’t obligated to explain yourself. And chances are, if people accepted you as bi, they’ll accept you as gay too. Best of luck.

CHARACTER THESIS Q&A (MIRAE EDITION: I NEVER)

to him: i never wondered before but knowing the truth now, i often would ask: what could be the reason for you to abandon someone that came from you? i often would ask: would i be the same if i had someone of my own? it scares me to think i might end up in the same plane of being a screw-up, just committing a string of mistakes that’ll lead to my demise. and i see it happening little by little. was this because of you? because i was a product of what you were and what you are now? is there a way i can change my fate or is this set? 

i have too many questions and i know i can’t rely on you for an answer. a pity.

about names, possessions, and everything i have never admitted to anyone: i never liked it. i always wished we could go on without having to bear any of it, giving labels and impressions on people, simply from a word or two. isn’t it unfair? i think it is. they say anyone who involves themselves with that cursed bloodline will have misfortune befall them. i say i’m not who you think i am. i’m not cursed because of my blood. i never could say this out loud but i’m cursed because of what i’ve done.

to angels: will i ever meet you or will i go the other way? i never want to find the answer. this is why i won’t ever let go, no matter how much it permeates my thoughts.

questions to death: you’re out of control and i’m longing to fill myself with sadness in place of these mortal organs. don’t stop chasing me. we’re a match, don’t you think?

to her: dreams mark the way to the underworld and we call the darkness that lies within them “dreamshades,” masses of human resentment brought to life by the twisted human heart and all of its hatred, envy, and aggression. dreamshades will continue to exist as long as humans do. so long as we can see them, we will continue to kill them. doesn’t that make you feel like spirit hunting thrives on the misery of others?

questions to the body: i’m sorry. i’ve lived long enough to correct my wrongs, but i continue to torment you. you’re a vessel that my soul should be placed within, yet it craves to be set free. for all the wrong reasons. i’m sorry.

to the heart: failure’s all you’ve known but one day, the ache will fade. i’m swimming in the smoke of bridges i’ve burned. we’re losing what we don’t deserve. you’re safe now. safer, at least, compared to before. hang in there. i need you to keep beating for me, just a little more.

tagged by @pullstrings @babehk
tagging @chaeanne @sojohnni @tansaekhwa @accechi @dalchu @jaeneral @sinseth @cespires @jxniel @aidonaea

dying-for-jegulus  asked:

Antonin, Truth or Dare? (Truth - is there anything you care about? Dare - credibly tell Regulus Black that you miss his kittens)

The spinner landed on ….

Antonin: Great.  Just bloody great.

Antonin: Hey Black, I have to tell you something.

Regulus: What?

Antonin: This might sound weird because I always kicked them and spat on them but… I miss your stupid kittens.

Regulus: Aww, that’s really sw-

Regulus: -Wait.  Dare?

Antonin: *Shrugs*

Regulus: Thought so.

andallwaswell-ish  asked:

Draco dying his hair light blue

Harry can’t stop staring. His breakfast is forgotten. Malfoy’s hair is blue.

“Harry! Harry? What are you – “

“Malfoy.” Harry answers Hermione without looking away.

Ron pauses midway through a mouth of potato. “What?”

“Malfoy,” Harry explains again, “He – Look what he did.”

Hermione’s eyes remain fixed on Harry. “Don’t you think you need to stop obsessing over him? The war is over. We’re all on the same side.”

“No, look what he did to his hair!” Harry all but shouts. MALFOY’S HAIR IS BLUE.

Hermione and Ron finally follow Harry’s gaze to the Slytherin table to Draco Malfoy, blue hair and all.

“Bloody hell.”

“That is surprising,” Hermione admits.

“Maybe someone cursed him?” Ron suggests.

“I hope not,” Hermione frowns. “Like he doesn’t have enough to deal with – his mother is being retried this week.”

Harry’s chest constricts. “That’s this week?”

“Yes, Harry. I thought you were the one stalking him?”

“Well he has been sadder than usual. He’s been eating cereal since last Friday which is odd as he almost always goes for – what?” Harry stops at the looks Hermione and Ron are giving him.

Hermione shakes her head. “I was being facetious, Harry. I can’t believe you’re stalking him again.”

“I’m not stalking,” Harry clarifies, focusing his attention solely on Hermione and Ron to prove his point. Which is difficult when MALFOY’S HAIR IS BLUE. “I’m just observant.”

Hermione smiles wickedly and Harry already knows he’s stuffed before she opens her mouth. “Okay, then what do I usually eat for breakfast?”

Harry tries to eye her plate discreetly but she already has her hand covering it. He desperately tries to remember what she’d been eating only seconds earlier. “Uh….uh…”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I’m not stalking Malfoy,” Harry tries again.

Ron sniggers into his morning omelette. “Sure, mate.”

Hermione rests her head in her hands (revealing her breakfast of poached eggs). “Why don’t you go over there and ask him?”

“Ask him what?”

Hermione closes her eyes in obvious exasperation. “Why his hair is blue.”

“I can’t – “

“Mate, just go,” Interrupts Ron, now with a mouthful of tomato. “You’re going to be like this all day if you don’t.”


Malfoy looks up in surprise as Harry approaches, his cereal spoon hovering above his bowl. “Potter?”

“Malfoy.” Harry nods. He tries not to stare so openly at Malfoy’s hair but…it’s BLUE.

Malfoy drops his spoon and pushes the cereal away. He stares at Harry suspiciously. “Are you lost?”

“No, I – why is your hair blue?” Harry blurts out, unable to hold it in any longer.

One of Malfoy’s hands automatically jumps to his hair, as if he’d forgotten the colour for a moment. After the initial surprise, Malfoy’s turns defensive. “You got a problem with it?” He asks.

“No, not at all. It’s just – never mind. Forget I asked.” What was he thinking? What were Hermione and Ron thinking sending him over here? He turns to leave.

“it’s poetic, Potter.”

Harry turns back to Malfoy. “Poetic?”

Malfoy shrugs, and looks down into his cereal bowl. “I’m feeling blue. I dyed my hair to match. It made sense last night after the second bottle of firewhiskey.”

Harry considers this. “Your mother?” He asks, softly.

“Yes,” Malfoy says into his cereal.

“Do you – I mean, would you – would it help if I came with you?” Oh Merlin, did Harry really just say that?

Malfoy looks up, sharply. “Why would you want to do that?”

Harry feels his cheeks reddening. “Your mother saved my life,” he offers, which is true at least, but only a small part of his real motivation.

“Of course,” Malfoy says with a polite nod. Is Harry reading into it or does he seem…disappointed?

“And you might need…support.”

A small smile plays on the corner of Malfoy’s mouth. “I have friends, Potter.”

“Right, I didn’t mean to say – it’s just – I’d like to be there. For both of you.”

Malfoy tilts his head and looks Harry over with a curious gaze. This only makes Harry blush harder.

“Okay,” Malfoy finally says, “You can come.” He picks up his spoon and returns his attention to his cereal.


Harry can’t stop staring. His breakfast is forgotten. Malfoy’s hair is green.

“Go ask him, already.”


Malfoy looks up. This time he doesn’t seem surprised. “Potter. What brings you here?”

“You know what.”

Malfoy smirks. “Enlighten me.”

Harry stares at Malfoy’s hair. “Why green?”

Malfoy shrugs. “Just felt like it.”

Harry frowns. He wonders whether Malfoy’s being entirely truthful. “That’s not very poetic,” he points out.

“His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,” Malfoy whispers.

Harry blinks, processing. “What?”

“His hair is as dark as a blackboard. I wish he was mine, he’s really divine, the hero who conquered the Dark Lord,” Malfoy continues with a shy smile. “Poetic enough for you?”

Harry feels himself blushing again.

“Maybe I should have gone pink to match your face,” Malfoy suggests with a wink. Merlin, Harry might melt.

“You remembered the po – “

“I wrote the poem,” corrects Malfoy.

Harry frowns “But I always thought Ginny – “

Malfoy shakes his head. “Nope.”

“Does that mean you – that you used to – “

Malfoy interrupts with a roll of his eyes. “Like you?”

Harry gulps. “Yeah.”

“I thought that was obvious, Potter.”

Harry feels like his knees might buckle at any moment. This is really happening. He runs a hand through his hair nervously. “And now?” he asks.

Malfoy raises his eyebrows, a playful smirk on his lips. “I thought that was also obvious, Harry.”            

And just to be an infuriating bastard, Malfoy chooses this moment to dust himself off and leave the Great Hall, with one last wink at Harry.

Harry wants to follow but he thinks his legs may have turned into jelly. He has to grip the table tightly just to keep himself standing.


Harry can’t stop staring. Breakfast never stood a chance.  Malfoy’s hair is pink.

He doesn’t even bother to take a seat at his own table, instead heading straight over to the Slytherin side of the Great Hall.

Malfoy watches him as he approaches with a smug smile. “Pot – “

Harry interrupts by leaning down and smashing his mouth onto Malfoy’s, his hands reaching out to finally run through that gorgeous hair. The entire Great Hall is watching and Harry’s face is on fire, but none of that matters, because Draco Malfoy is kissing him back.

And his hair is bloody pink.

anonymous asked:

You really give real trans people a bad name. Like you went 0-100 full blown lesbian to demanding masculine pronouns in less than a year and you wonder why people think gender identity is a fad of the times? Get it together girl.

people don’t always come out of the womb knowing exactly who they are. especially in a society catered to cisgender heterosexuality.
It takes time.

I’ve also demanded nothing. I’ve answered questions to the best of my ability and shared my life w strangers online for the prospect of someone’s benefit. While I do enjoy making people laugh, I’m naturally reserved when it comes to personal matters and I don’t actually enjoy sharing details about my private life most of the time. Which is why this all may seem out of the blue for you but it’s been a process that I’ve been carefully going through for more than a few months. But when I realized that watching me find myself this publicly could potentially help a lot of people through just plain and simple representation, I chose to include my followers on this road to self discovery. I would have given anything when I younger to be able to see someone I looked up to go through finding themselves. Had I had that, I might have figured out myself earlier. That’s why this is even public to begin with.

Now, I’m curious as to why you feel so upset by my truth. I’d encourage you to look within and re-evaluate why someone else’s identity might make you feel so personally attacked. Remember that we are not bound by our labels they are merely there for community and self awareness. I want you to remind yourself that, so you can live freely in whatever label you choose to hang on to. We all deserve to find peace.

And… the stunt has been pulled. 

Two weeks ago, the opposition organized a national inquiry to find out how many people disapproved of what the government was trying to do (rewriting the constitution). The result was that 7M people voted in it, including Venezuelans all over the world, and said they rejected this completely.

Today, the “elections of the writers of the new constitution” were held, without having done the mandator inquiry the government was LEGALLY BOUND to hold first, to make sure that people wanted the constitution to be rewritten. The result? 8M voters, they said.

It sounds bad, right?

Only, it’s worse than you think.

Those 8M votes they claim they obtained are fake. False. Forged through every possible cheating process you can think of. As examples:

Dead people were signed up as current voters, despite having been inactive voters for YEARS.

People who hadn’t voted yet found that they apparently had already voted and the system refused to let them do it (their choice was made for them, basically).

Some people were actually going to vote, but there was nobody in the electoral centers. Not a soul. They couldn’t do anything.

There is ACTUAL FOOTAGE of people who got bribed through food into voting.

There are a gazillion reports of threats from the government to all state workers to not only vote in these elections, but to bring 9 other people with them so that they could have all the votes they wanted.

Also, some people were protesting against the process: 17 people were killed in a single day for not wanting this dictatorship.

So, turns out that when you take all this into consideration, you realize those 8M votes are actually sketchy as hell. But if we want to see something even better, the contrast between a 7M inquiry and 8M election is as follows:

Here we have a picture from 2 weeks ago, 7M inquiry:

This was the line today, around the same area, 8M for elections:

And this didn’t just happen in a single, isolated location. No, it happened everywhere. The vast majority stood their ground, workers didn’t vote despite all the threats… and yet these guys miraculously found 8 million votes?

Simply put, it’s the proof nobody else needed anymore of how rigged the system is. But it’s tragic, and dangerous, because of what they’re likely to do with these fake results. There seriously is no telling what they’ll do if they keep pushing their tampered results as what really happened.

I keep saying pessimistic things about how I don’t know what will happen and if I’ll still be able to be as leisurely and happy online as I usually am. This though… it’s an actual dictatorship, in the flesh. It’s autocracy. They’re not holding back at all. And if they keep limiting our freedom… well, who knows what might happen eventually. I do hope things finally will blow over and this nightmare will end, but after 19 years of veiled tyranny it’s hard to actually believe this country can be fixed that easily.

Anyways… just letting you all know what the truth is, in case anyone hears about the 8 million voters and thinks it’s a real thing. It’s absolutely, utterly fake and there’s a ton of proof of it if you know who to ask. 

Thanks for reading and caring, to all those of you who have. I hope there really may be a light at the end of this unreasonably endless tunnel.

Blackjack (I)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jungkook

Rating: 18+ (explicit sex, mafia!AU)

Warning: handcuffs, breath play

Word Count: 7,579

Summary: After losing several times to a very expensive card table, you find yourself deep in debt to the notorious mafia group, Bangtan. Taehyung is kind enough to offer you a way out. If you can succeed in taking home any guy of his choosing, your debt will be wiped clear. Then he points at Jungkook.

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Bojack Horseman and Rick and Morty: The Hardest Nihilistic Show to watch and the easiest Nihilistic Show to watch

Bojack Horseman is such a weird show for me.

It’s like I need to set a time weeks, or years in advance to sit down and watch it. I’ve only watched the show once but it is so philosophical and life changing and depressing and deep, it’s like I have to set out emotional time out of my day to pick a moment to watch it.

I’ve only watched it once and once was enough to change my entire outlook on life and look at my life from a new angle. 

Where as Rick and Morty is a Nihilistic show too, there are way more laugh out loud moments and tends to make fun of Nihilism. The characters can be deep, while being shallow at the same time. They can be very aware they are in a show. Saying things like: “Was he doing a bit?” things I don’t hear in modern english unless I’m hanging with the theater kids.

A thing that Rick and Morty achieves perfectly with it’s humor is the art of Schadenfreude. Or “Taking pleasure/enjoyment/humor from the suffering of others.” Every single deep moment in Rick and Morty is usually accompanied with a sad or intense song, that you can take in as Horribly deep and depressing, while being hilarious at the exact same time. 

I will take an example from Season One. 

Kind of a spoiler, but this happens very early in season one. It’s like the halfway point of season one, just to establish this show doesn’t fuck around.

The jist of it, is that Rick and Morty ruined the world so badly, that they went to a different universe. A different reality where they died around this time. Accompanied by sad music is Morty coming to grips that everything around him isn’t real and it’s an entirely new reality. Leaving behind a damaged and broken world. And he has to bury his own corpse. So every event in the previous episodes are reconnected or might of not happened in this reality. 

What makes this a very emotional intense scene and an extremely funny one is how juxtaposed Morty is to this compared to everyone else around him. Morty is having an existential crisis about everyone he left behind, meanwhile Reality doesn’t care. Rick grabs a drink, Summer Texts on her phone, his mom and dad argue on the cusp of divorce. Nothing changed. Life goes on. 

I remember the first time I saw this scene when it aired on TV, it blew my mind, while also making me laugh at the same time.

That’s because the show makes it clear Reality doesn’t care about Morty’s extensional crisis. You can take pleasure in his suffering while making it tragic and realistic but funny at the same time. 

And a majority of every emotional scene in Rick and Morty is like this.

There is a moment in season 2 where one character attempts suicide, and while it’s framed in a serious manner, it is also hilarious. It’s not that the show makes fun of suicidal people. (like a tasteless joke in some other adult shows) The inner turmoil is shown and portrayed very seriously. What makes the scene funny, is while the character lies still and alone all night after his failed suicide attempt, the Pathetic Father character Jerry, comes into the foreground, with his weed wacker. A trivial thing he was complaining about the whole episode. Without noticing the character’s pain. “Life goes on. Nobody cares.” Which is seriously sad and funny at the same time.

As I said  Schadenfreude. “Nobody cares. Might as well laugh about it” 

Bojack Horseman has it’s share of funny moments too, it’s writing style in similar format to the Simpsons and typical satire. 

But the comedic moments are usually far away from it’s serious moments.

They have their moments of  Schadenfreude as well. Such as small #relatable moments that make me laughing my ass off due to the delivery. Cause I’m sure many can relate to procrastinating and being lazy as hell on a project or having friends kick your pathetic ass to actually do something.

But when the show wants to get deep, the humor stays far away from the realism. 

There are also suicide attempts in this show as well. And while Rick and Morty can take a look in the mirror and laugh at itself. Like “Nobody cares, might as well laugh about it” This show seems to say: “Life is horrible, we are horrible people, if we don’t take power within ourselves to change. nobody cares. Deal with it.”

Which it a heartbreaking but raw realistic message.

Which is why I only watched the show once and am postpoing watching the newest season as long as I can.

The show is raw, it doesn’t hold back and every deep emotional moment has no comic relief moment to recover.

It lets you breathe in the heavy atmosphere and deal with every screw up the main character commits. 

It’s like if an adult cartoon character had real world negative consequences for his horrible behavior. Friends abandon him, forgiveness is optional, and people die because of a direct result of the main character.

A lot of the problems with myself and with my generation as a whole is that we tend to dissolve blame for things that we are directly at fault for. I know we tend to point fingers at the Baby Boomer generation or society a lot, but pointing fingers doesn’t really help things get better. If you just want to whine and not inspire change. You have to look deep inside yourself and find the will to change.

Something that both shows preach.

“The thing about repairing, maintaining and cleaning is, it’s not an adventure. There’s no way to do it so wrong you might die. It’s just…. work. And the truth of the matter is that, some of us are okay with going to work, and well, some of us rather die. Each of us gets to choose.” 

I love Bojack Horseman and I love Rick and Morty. But one is way more easier to watch then the other. I know a lot of people on tumblr are comparing both shows, but to me, they are equal in greatness, just take a very different approach to the same subject mater. 

I will get to watching Season 4 of Bojack Horseman some day. But not where I’m at right now. 

I am glad I read a few therapy books before watching bojack horseman and rick and morty so I wasn’t too mindblown by the messages portrayed.

Everything Has Changed (Part Three)

Summary: In which everything changes when you discover Bucky’s true feelings for you in a very unconventional manner.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,540

Part Two

Originally posted by numbmimz

“Y/N?” A knock at the door accompanies the voice that just spoke, bringing a smile to your face. It’s a welcome distraction from staring at the wall, which you’ve been doing for four hours straight. There’s not much to do when you’re not allowed out of your bed. “Are you awake?”

“Come in,” you call back, propping yourself up against a few pillows. It takes some effort and your body rebels against the movement, but you grit your teeth and swallow back your groans. All the aches and pain are worth it. They prove that you’re okay. That you, unlike Antoine, are still alive.

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Dear connorallen94,

I think everyone does to some degree or another.

Career success and artistic skill are only poorly correlated. What do I mean by this? I mean that you have to get a certain level of skill in order to get published/ put in a gallery/ get musical gigs, but after you get to a certain level of competency, greater or less skill doesn’t seem to have any relationship to how commercially successful you are. Other factors begin to take over in exposing your work to buyers, and moreover, the more rarified your skill becomes, the fewer the punters are who can appreciate it. You can turn a beautiful turn of the phrase while juggling 47 themes and delicately drawing an allegory for the pain of man’s condition? Great. Most people won’t notice. And while that additional skill will get you noticed among peers who are also writing beautiful novels with 47 themes and delicately drawn allegories, it is a bad predictor for commercial success. If you use that skill to delicately render specific lizards, for instance, you still run the risk of only appealing to lizard people. But mostly it’s just excess — the average person doesn’t care if Coldplay’s Chris Martin can play Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 in D on his guitar. (I don’t know if he can. But I hope so.)

This is because in the commercial art world, most consumers are not also artists. Other factors are nearly always more important to the non-artist consumer: a strong story, a topical subject matter, a celebrity name, a catchy tune, a wicked hook, a pretty cover, the creator’s funniness on Twitter, the creator’s ability to speak in public, the creator’s actual and literal hotness because wow, relatability of the themes, a movie tie-in, an omnipresent advertising campaign, availability of the work in places that rhyme with BallMart. 

It’s why you can be an international bestseller without being the best in your field. It’s why you can be an international bestseller without being remotely the best in your field.

Whenever I say this online, people like to shout “what kind of a self-drag!” I suppose because as an international bestseller, I am supposed to think I am 100% fantastic and have definitely earned my title at the top of the heap by some objective measure of wonderfulness. Also because people are weird and possibly don’t understand how self-awareness, confidence, and humility really ought to play well together if you want to be a happy professional artist. It’s crucial to understand just how big of a role you play in your own success. This is so that you can focus on only the things you can control (you can’t make your subject more topical, you can’t suddenly become a famous rock star with a memoir, you can’t guarantee you have a beautiful, eye-catching cover; you can only work on writing faster, writing more accessibly, writing well), so that you don’t take it too hard when all of your career dreams fail to come true overnight. But it’s also to keep you from being a self-aggrandizing asshole about success. You’ve sold millions of books? Great. Remember, Stiefvater, that your skill is only poorly correlated to that number. You wrote a competent-or-better book at a good time for that genre/ subject/ cover/ something, and it took off. Good job, that was nice. Get back to work.

I don’t generally mind this push-pull, actually. Imposter syndrome whispers that I might be a fraud, a just-okay writer wrapped in accolades I don’t deserve. But mostly I think that’s all right: let the voices whisper. The opposite of the imposter syndrome would be letting myself believe that I am entirely to credit for my success, and that’s just as false. The truth is a middle ground, and this truth is also why imposter syndrome doesn’t get in the way of my work. 

Because the truth is this: I’m a writer who works hard, puts down a quarter million words of fiction each year, shows up for work even when life throws health or family or world crises at me, and doesn’t make excuses. Those things aren’t subjective. Those things I can control.

So get to work.

urs,

Stiefvater

for science

pairing: reader x jimin

rating: m

◦ word count: 7.7k

m a s t e r l i s t


Originally posted by parkjmzl

Absurd. Absolutely fucking absurd. It was 2am during finals week and the cafe was out of coffee? You had some colorful words for the person responsible. Dragging yourself up the stairs with sleep-ridden eyelids, you muttered curses under your quickened breath. You clenched and unclenched your fist. It was safe to say that your fifth espresso shot had officially just worn off. Despite the troubling rate of heartbeat and the fact that your hand was shaking all on its own, the subtle pounding of a migraine lingered between your temples in demand for something to keep it awake.

There was still a menacing stack of papers left to grade. If something could pull you away from it all, you would have been thankful. It was almost nauseating, actually, how much work you had yet to complete. Who the hell said grad school was a good idea? The urge to scream rippled in the back of your throat, tempting you to let everything out and just empty yourself into time and space.

It did you no better to return to the study room –the very cramped one that you had booked privately for the entire day– to find a regretfully familiar face emptying his bag across from your belongings. “What do you think you’re doing?” You felt lightweight as the angry jitters travelled through your body. The heavy door slammed shut behind you. It sent a deafening sound cracking through the library.

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How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

narigonsinparangon  asked:

Wo hen hao, ni ne? I'd like to ask you about Asian looking people in general. I know this girl that looks like Asian (I can not tell exactly from where) but I'm sure she's German, even if her name sounds (let's say again) Asian. Would be very unpolite to ask her about her roots or ethnic? I have this other friend who is completely black and is always complaining about people telling her that she speaks very good Spanish, even when she was born in Madrid.

I don’t think it’s a good idea. A lot of non-poc (and poc, nbpoc, everyone) do this but the basis of asking about someone’s ethnicity is trying to fit them into specific boxes. Even if someone is part German, part Swedish, part Peruvian, part Sri Lankan, they might look to you as if they belonged to a “different ethnic group” and that just shows many people have preconceived ideas about race, ethnicity, and culture (including names that sound ethnic).

I know people will say that I’m being super extra, but the truth is, these questions are problematic because yt ppl rarely get asked “what are your origins”? You never ask a yt person if they have “Scandinavian” roots because they have very light hair and they are tall. However, as soon as someone has slightly almond-shaped eyes, people ask “are you kinda Asian?”…. 

This just shows how much poc are fetishized and thought of as “exotic”, which is demeaning and belittling to our identities. This is a question that segregates a poc from the rest of the group because of their name, skin colour, features.

I love the idea of blushing Dean. He blushes when Cas walks in in the morning with disheveled hair, or when their hands accidentally bump. Or, when Cas reaches for something high and his shirt hikes up just the tiniest sliver and Dean gets caught with his mouth open. But, the best part is when Cas figures it out and does in on purpose, getting more and more ovbious until he’s finally walking all the time around the bunker, shirtless, with a devious smirk.


The truth is, though, he does it because he likes how it makes Dean’s freckles and the tips of his ears dark pink, and it just might be his favorite thing ever. One day, he thinks, I’m gonna kiss the tips of those ears.

say you won’t let go | 02

↳ part 01 | part 02 [final]

Summary: You’ve been eighteen years old for ten years when Jungkook first moves in.
Pairing: Jungkook | Reader
Genre: Fluff/Angst; Roommate/Soulmate AU (In which you stop aging when you turn 18 until you meet your soulmate) 
Word Count: 9,494

.

The next morning, you show up to work very early and very unannounced. Namjoon raises an eyebrow at your presence, having not expected you until later in the afternoon, but he must see a look in your eyes that you cannot figure out yourself, because he doesn’t speak about it. He simply lets you work, pretending as if the stress and anxiety isn’t threatening to eat you out alive as you shuffle back and forth across the floor.

You appreciate this, and are glad that Namjoon is selecting not to comment on your behavior, while it might be off-putting and slightly abnormal, it helps you stay distracted. In truth, leaving early for work had been a very conscious decision on your part, since it wasn’t necessarily putting a damper on your sleep schedule—you had only managed about an hour of proper before spending the rest of the evening just shifting about in your bed or pacing around the room.

Jungkook had still been sleeping around the 7:00 hour, which was perfectly fine with you. The conversation from the previous night plagues your mind if you let yourself stand still for too long, and you worry that if you were to look the boy in the eye right now while the feelings are still fresh, he would figure out what was on your mind immediately. You try to convince yourself that Jungkook doesn’t remember the conversation, that those things have just turned into faded and blurry specs in his memory, which helps in your distraction. It helps lessen your apprehension. With the potential of Jungkook pulling up a blank on his conversation with you, it leaves you believing that the simple factor of time was what you needed. It would give Jungkook the space to sleep off his hangover, as it would give you the space to sort through your own emotions and to train yourself into pretending that last night simply had not happened.

According to Hoseok, it’s not a very good plan. And he’s right. Your plans usually always have a way of coming back to bite you back on the ass. But you’re stubborn and afraid; the combination more than enough to control you into believing that this would be the best response to the situation.

Hoseok just shakes his head.

Keep reading

Dick Grayson: Martial Arts

So I’m finally getting around to writing this. The first question every single one of you should be asking is what makes me– a random person on the internet– qualified to talk about a fictional character’s expert martial arts abilities. Well, I am

>> A black belt in Northern Eagle Claw Kung Fu
>> A brown belt (2nd kyu /nikyu) in Aikido

I’ve also taken some Southern Shaolin Kung Fu, Taekwondo, and Karate. 

The main styles I’m qualified to talk about are Eagle Claw Kung Fu and Aikido, which mainly comes from my years of practice. I’m not an instructor in any of these disciplines, and I’m only writing this for fun. This post might be helpful to people who role play Dick Grayson or to just develop headcanons in general. Hey, you might just be straight up interested in how this guy fights.

The fact is, comic books aren’t the best portrayal of how martial artists fight. Comic books are very flashy. They like splash pages, dramatic kicks and punches, and they like to have superheroes jump to the ground with cement-shattering landings that would devastate their knee joints. The irony here is that Dick’s core martial art style is canonically Aikido, and Aikido has a grand total of zero kicks. The only punches that this style uses are your standard initial strikes in order to practice the forms. Otherwise, this style is purely defensive. The philosophy of Aikido is basically to disarm your opponent with as little damage to them as possible. In Kung Fu, I was taught how to break people’s arms, rip out the trachea, and damage the ear drums (yay, fun), but in Aikido the idea is that you don’t want to physically harm your opponent more than necessary. Dick knows various martial art styles, so clearly he knows how to execute lethal and flawless kicks and punches too, but for now, let’s focus on Aikido since it’s his core style.

This is actually an awesome style for Dick for many reasons. Aikido is a martial art focused on using your opponent’s energy against them, and it’s a purely defensive style (there are no offensive maneuvers in this style besides your standard initial strike to practice movements). Dick started crime fighting when he was a kid. He couldn’t rely on physical strength to survive, and after growing up to be an adult, he’s still only about 175 pounds which means a majority of the big hitters in DCU can easily physically overpower him. I’m 115 pounds, and I can tell you that I drop guys who are twice my size all the time in Aikido. It doesn’t take much physical effort because this style relies on innate human weaknesses. The idea of Aikido is to learn a system of defensive maneuvers that can be applied to any attack that comes your way.

Someone punching you? No problem. They grabbed both your wrists? Please. Shirt collar? Ha, whatever. Grabbed from behind? Come on. Knife stab? Zzz. Samurai sword? – You mean the one that’s now in my hands?

This is a flexible martial art style, and it works without tiring you. When I took Kung fu, I needed a water break after twenty minutes because the workout was so intense. In Aikido I can go two and a half hours straight and not break a sweat. You rarely have to move more than a few feet to complete a technique, and it’s usually to move into your opponent’s blind spot in order to execute a technique that puts them on the floor. Don’t get me wrong, you can practice Aikido fast and hard and tire yourself out with a good workout– but you don’t have to. If you’re wise about your movements, you can save a lot of energy.

If Dick is as much of an expert in Aikido as comics say, then you can’t put your hand near this guy without ending up on your back in 0.2 seconds flat. You’ll be staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell just happened (been there, done that, trust me).

Dick Grayson can put anyone on the floor in a matter of seconds without throwing a single punch or kick. He basically just needs to stand there and bam, they’re down. So by this point you’re probably wondering how this style works as effectively as it does.

It works by blending your energy into your opponent’s and then using it against them. If someone punches Dick, he can side-step their arm, grab their wrist to yank them forward (i.e. off-balance them), and then twist the wrist back so that his opponent has no choice but to follow wherever he guides them– which in this case will be backwards (lifting their elbow over their shoulder to force them to land on their back).

This entire time, Dick barely has to move to execute it other than the initial side-step. It’s a fluid, eloquent and sophisticated style. The movements you do are so small (a simple twist of the wrist) that anyone watching this fight might go, “what the fuck just happened?”

Now, I am exaggerating a bit, but there is a fundamental truth here. The key is that we’re twisting someone’s wrist in a direction that it’s not supposed to go, forcing the human body to either follow the movement or break the joint. 10/10 times the body will involuntarily follow the movement.

For any of you who want a physical example of how this works in order to better understand it, I’ll try to offer a step-by-step example here. (Explaining things over the Internet is hard, I offer no guarantees.)

  1. Hold your right hand in front of your face with the palm facing you.
  2. Take your left hand and hold it behind your right hand.
  3. Wrap the fingers of your left hand around the thumb joint of your right hand (this is the meaty part of your palm below your thumb).
  4. Make sure the thumb of your left hand is pressing between the knuckles of the pinkie and ring finger of your right hand (or at least keep it in that general area, no worries).
  5. Now press the entire thing down and to the side (there should only be one natural direction to go). If you extend your arm down, you’ll feel it even more. You can also bend your arm toward (and over) your shoulder to further understand the type of control someone would have over you in this position.

(If any of you had trouble following that, I don’t blame you. I still can’t figure out online origami instructions.) 

If you managed this successfully, then you have an idea of why you don’t want someone holding your arm like this. If they start walking you in one direction, you’re going to follow them because it’s an unnatural position.

So that’s one basic wrist movement, and there are dozens of others. Like I said, this is a very flexible style. You can punch Dick Grayson and he can respond over a dozen different ways. One might put you on your back, he could straight up throw you, he can flip you, he can put you on your stomach with your arms behind your back in a painful lock, he can spin you in a fast circle and drop you.

We can see Dick and Tim doing something similar in New Teen Titans Vol 2 #60.

Pretty cool, right? When I spar with people, I tell them to grab me as hard as they can so I can practice with a genuine threat. The guy I was last sparring with was taller than me, weighed more, and was stronger. He was gripping both my wrists tightly (and I have tiny ass wrists), and that didn’t stop me from performing this move because Aikido doesn’t rely on physical strength. Once you move a limb a way it’s not supposed to go, it doesn’t really matter how strong you are; you’re under the control of whoever’s controlling that limb. 

So hopefully that helps explain this style a bit more. It’s my favorite martial art so far, and I recommend it to anyone, especially women. 

As for Dick’s other martial art styles, he knows Jeet-Kune-Do (created by Bruce Lee; it’s a direct style of combat considered ideal for street fighting), Capoeira (an acrobatic style that focuses on movement and evasion) and Eskrima (where Dick’s dual wielding sticks obviously come into play). He’s also been said to practice Muay Thai, Judo, Savate, Karate, Sambo, Ninjitsu, Wing Chun and Shaolin Kung Fu.

Robin: Year One #3

President Trump led an incendiary rally at which he ripped at cultural divides, played to white grievance, defended himself by stretching the truth or leaving out key facts, attacked members of his own party and the media, played the victim and threatened apocalyptic political consequences — all the while doing so by ignoring political norms and sensitivities.

The only thing that’s surprising is if you’re surprised by it.

Trump held these kinds of rallies and made these kinds of comments repeatedly throughout the campaign. And even did so in Arizona. Remember back in August of last year when he flew to Mexico to meet with the Mexican president, where he was restrained and deferential, and then held a raucous rally later that day in Arizona?

Granted, Trump’s actions Tuesday night stand in stark relief from his sober, scripted speech about Afghanistan just a day earlier. He did not deliver specifics on how to fight that war, but his rhetoric suggested to some that a change might be afoot.

There isn’t. And the best bet is there never will be.

5 Truths About Trump Displayed In His Phoenix Rally

Photo: Ralph Freso/Getty Images