this joke wont end

Sniper, screaming; HEY SPY

Spy; oh no

Sniper; WHAT DO YOU CALL

Spy, trying to back out of the room; oh no stop it

Sniper, pinning him to the wall; A FRENCHMAN

Spy, on the verge of tears; bushman, spare me i beg of you

Sniper; IN THONGS

Spy; .-.

Sniper; PHILIPE

Spy; :-:

Sniper; PHLOP

Spy; ;-;

Sniper, absolutely losing it; HAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAASAAA GEDDIT PHILIP PHLOP HAHAHAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GEDIT BC FRENCHMAN PHILIP THONGS AUSTRALIAN DO UOU GET IT SPY DO YOU GRT IY WHEEZE HACK HYAAAAA

Ezekiel Jones is constantly willing to sacrifice himself for his friends im crying over him tbh

Drunk Ciel

Ciel: S-Seba- Seba -burps- tian~ -giggles-

Sebastian: -sighs- My lord, this is not the way a noble of your social standards should act! And getting drunk, nonetheless. -rubs temples-

Ciel: -giggles- Re-really now? -hiccups-

Sebastian: -sighs- Let’s get you to your bedroom. -carries Ciel-

Ciel: Hey, hey Seba -hic- stian~

Sebastian: Yes, my lord?

Ciel: I-I got you a riddle~

Sebastian: Really now? And what is that?

Ciel: Okay, okay! So -hic- There’s something gre -hic- eeeeen, and it eats rocks, what i -hic- ssss it?

Sebastian: I have not the slightest clue, my lord.

Ciel: A green, rock eating monster! -giggles while waving his arms-

Sebastian:

Ciel: Okay, okay, what about a building? -hic- Why did the building fall?

Sebastian: I do not know, why did it fall my lord?

Ciel: -hic- Because it was TIRED! -laughs-

Sebastian:

Ciel: -giggling-

Sebastian: -continues walking towards Ciel’s bedroom- I think I now know how you feel when I make puns and jokes, my lord…..

anonymous asked:

Congrats on the follower milestone! :DDDD Can I get this prompt? "“hey new neighbor it appears that your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and they’re really jealous and i’m sorry but not really because hellloooooo there”"

Hello, love! Sorry for taking a bit to get to this. It’s such a cute prompt and as usual, it got away with me!

title: monkeys and dogs don’t mix. 

rating: t

a/n - because who can resist monkey jokes amirite. 

also on ao3


She gets a dog because it’s one of the few childhood comforts she’s wanted to recreate as an adult. The husband and wife duo (Mr. and Mrs. Krysinski) had been an elderly couple who took in foster kids partly because they needed the money and helping hands, but also partly because they had never had children. And she’d been relatively happy in their home (alongside a boy named Ken and a girl named Shaniqua) and their labrador, Dash. 

Then Mr. Krysinski died rather unexpectedly, and Mrs. Krysinski simply couldn’t - and so back to the system they’d gone. She’d kept only Dash, and Emma had missed the dog more than she ever missed anything. 

A dog is the (real) reason she puts down her roots in Maine, paying the modest downpayment for the even more modest landed property (the house is really small, two bedrooms, a living room and a kitchen, but it’s home).

She’s only been dating Walsh for 3 weeks when she brings him home for the first time, and Bailey, her usually sweet-natured Labrador-mutt, growls the moment he steps into the house. 

Walsh laughs it off, saying Bailey is being protective because she’s worried that he’s going to steal her attention (he’s not exactly wrong). She doesn’t think much of it, in all honesty, and she’s so busy the following month that Emma forgets how Walsh hardly ever comes over anymore or how when he does, he sits as far from her dog as possible. 

Keep reading

when will sasusakus finaly accept that their ship is pure shit?  like i saw very few of the accepting it,but most of them are like ‘’everything will be fine ,stay positive’’….how you can stay positive to this shit?even if sasuke somehow returns (for his daughter,obviously not for sakura) and starts co-parenting,how do you justify 12 years of absence?there isnt any good reason in this world for sasuke not visiting his family…the dude is a semi-god remember,i dont think anyone would want him as an enemy…i think even if kishimoto shows us a chapter where sasuke explicitly rapes sakura and slaps the shit out of her ,ss fans will still be like ‘’aww this is true lub,he loves her,its just how he manifests his love’’ bleah..these people are insane..they immensely disgust me.i think the ONLY logical explanations right now for sasuke not visiting his daughter are the following:

-sakura was so pushy and insistent about banging him that he finaly gave himself into her wooing,but as soon as he banged he dumped her because hello this is what happens when a woman is pushing a man to have sex with her while the man explicitly stated numerous times that he’s not interested in her and never will be..so sasuke leaves,and sakura discovers shes preggers,sasuke obviously doesnt know,so in order that she wont end the joke of konoha she isolated herself from friends,family and  lied to everyone that sasuke and her married secretely and he visits their family from time to time while he goes to dangerous missions…sure everyone is buying into her lies…to make the lie even more convenient and credible,she is now wearing the uchiha crest…i think sasuke would slap the shit out of her if he finds out she dares to wear his clans symbol

-another possible explanation is that sasuke did had sex with karin,remember suigetsu knows something  happened between them,so karin died at birth ,and sasuke gave his daughter to sakura to raise her…but that still doesnt justifies his absence,so this explanation is  less plausible than the first one…any other explanations beside these ones are a retcon and major asspuls

in both of these situations,sasusaku as a couple is still pure  shit and has no redemption….leaving sarada aside (pressuming he didnt know about sakura getting preggers)  sasuke still didnt give 2 fucks about sakura in 12 years..its a fact that he never visited her thats because shes not important to him  …she was just a one night stand..but she did this with her own hand..all the manga ,even in the final chapters sasuke  has stated numerous times that he’s not interested in her,but the woman doesnt gets it….even in sakura hidden there wasnt any paragraph stating she and sasuke were dating

but what im most mad at is that she had the nerve to tell naruto that he doesnt knows about real love is..is this what real love means to sakura?waiting for a guy who never give a shit about her for 25 years to return to her ,and make a baby with him in the hopes that she will tie him to her?  raising your child without having his emotional and financial suport? ending up being poor,mentaly deranged,depressed and worned out because of him?  have fun with your canon ss fans yall got what you deserved in the end