this joke is so late i'm sorry

  • Keith: Scar’s brother was ultra hot and I'm so mad he is dead.
  • Keith: I JUST REALIZED THAT I SHOULD CLARIFY THAT I AM WATCHING FMA: BROTHERHOOD AND I AM NOT IN FACT LUSTING AFTER MUFASA, SCAR’S DEAD BROTHER IN THE LION KING.
  • Lance: Too late you’re a fucking furry now.
Glaio

Inspired by a comment that @ghostocelot made on one of my asks.


The first time you called him “Glaio,” he didn’t really think too much on it. You missed a sound – it happens. Sometimes people speak too fast and they leave out sounds. It happens. The others didn’t say anything, either – well, Ignis had given you a strange look, but remained silent beyond that.

The second time you called him “Glaio,” he gave you a questioning look. You were unfazed by it, continuing the rest of your sentence without falter. He let it slide, but kept it in the back of his mind so he could ask you about it later.

The third time you called him “Glaio,” he did ask you about it. You dodged the question and steamrolled over his attempts to circle back around to the subject. After several more fruitless tries, he gave up with a sigh. 

The fourth time you called him “Glaio,” he’d had enough.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” he asked you, his hand around your bicep and his eyes boring into yours, preventing you from escaping the subject.

Still, you tried. “Calling you what?” you replied, tilting your head to the side and fixing him with an innocent look.

Glaio,” he said, exasperated, “You’ve been calling me that all day. It’s starting to bug me.”

Ohhh.” You hummed, smiling at him. “You haven’t given me the D yet, so it only seemed fair.”

“I haven’t–oh.” Realization dawned on him in that moment. He stared down at you, watching your expression go from innocent to mischievous and a smirk pull at your lips. He laughed, wrapping his other arm around your waist and pulling you close. He leaned down, his lips ghosting over yours. “Well… I can fix that.”

You grinned at him. “I was hoping you’d say that, Glaio.”

2

embellishment

anonymous asked:

"Straight people are hurting me quite a lot actually so I'm gonna keep throwing stones and you can keep doing you" lol wow I'm sorry we hurt you so much I guess we'll just change our sexual orientation if you don't like it oh no sorry we can't. I'm fucking tired I see this shiet so much lately, like I try with all my heart to support tjlc and gay rights and lgbt representation irl and what I get is mostly hate bc I'm straight wow equality at it's finest

if your response to lgbt people saying “i have been hurt by straight people” is literally “lol” and then a fuckin lament about how your het pain is valid bc you have to endure the horrors of reading a couple JOKES about straight people you have no fucking idea about oppression or queer rights and i want you to unfollow this blog and never come back. if a couple queer individuals making jokes about you can make you reconsider being an ally you were never a fucking ally. you have not had profanities yelled at you while holding hands with your lover you have not agonized about whether you can feel safe coming out to you parents so if you don’t AT THE VERY LEAST understand that lgbt people are oppressed and straight people are not i legitimately feel like you have no place in the tjlc community. some gay kids made a joke that offended YOU as a straight person? pull your head out of your ass and get over it. we have real problems to deal with it and i feel no sympathy for you

dialux  asked:

LISTEN I LOVE YOUR JOKES SO: you’re obviously high or hungover so I’m going to rescue you and tell the teacher why your answer wasn’t as strange as it sounded, but you’ll owe me.

Sansa hated running late especially to Professor Baelish’s class. She hated it for multiple reasons. The first being that Baelish already made her uncomfortable and she didn’t want to give him any reason to give her more attention. The second reason, and honestly the most important reason, was the notes left on her desk.

She had to bit her cheek to keep from smiling too wide when she got to class. Not only did she arrive just on time she wasn’t disappointed to see a little card on her desk. Unfortunately, she was unable to look in the card because Baelish had begun his lecture. It didn’t really matter because she knew that the note would contain some cute drawing and a pun.

She saved them all and had a little collage in her apartment. Margaery had made fun of the board, but Sansa knew the little notes were a bright spot to her day. One of her favorites was a drawing of the periodic table with Cu and Te in a pink with the question “Are you made of copper and tellurium because you’re CuTe”. The pun was cheesy, but it never failed to put a smile on her face.

Her thoughts were broken when Jon Snow stumbled into class. She had known him growing up because of her siblings, but was shocked when they ended up in classes together at law school. She knew that he had served in the Army for a short period, but the service had done him well.

He was still the shy and occasionally brooding boy that she remembered, but now he had muscles that had not been present as they grew up. Sansa didn’t even know she was a fan of forearms until she found herself distracted during a lecture when he pushed his sleeves to his elbows and continued taking notes.

She knew he must’ve been out late because his hair lacked that effortlessly tousled look and genuinely looked like an actual case of bed head. His wire framed glasses did nothing to disguise his red rimmed eyes. She assumed he attended Robb’s bachelor party the night before, but it confused her why he wouldn’t skip class. Everyone had three free passes if it wasn’t an exam day and she couldn’t recall him using his free passes. Not that she was keeping track of Jon Snow’s attendance. She absolutely wasn’t.

Baelish looked annoyed at Jon’s late entrance. She knew that it was likely Jon would be called on when it came to discussions of the assigned reading and lecture. She almost winced fifteen minutes later when Jon was called on with so much disdain dripping from Petyr’s voice.

“So, Mr. Snow how would you handle a client who has admitted guilt to you?” Professor Baelish asked.

“I’d advise my client on plea bargains and work out the best plea deal for my client” Jon’s answer was surprisingly steady despite his obvious hangover, but all wrong for this class.

Sansa could feel the shocked looks their classmates were giving each other at Jon’s response. Any other professor Jon’s response would have been acceptable, but Petyr was notorious for encouraging students to bury their evidence and base arguments on introducing an entirely new suspect. She could feel the lecture Jon was about to receive and she couldn’t stand it. He’d just owe her big time for this intervention.

“He’s not wrong to advise his client on taking a plea bargain. Your methods wouldn’t work with a client like this and more than likely they would confess during cross examination. Better to avoid trial all together” Sansa argued.

“Ah, you’re correct Miss Stark and why you’re one of the star pupils of this class. Others should take note” The lecture seemed to continue like Sansa’s correction was a normal every day thing.

She tried to fight the blush that was rising when she noticed Jon’s stare. The only word to describe it was intense. When class was over she made sure to hurry out before Jon or Baelish could flag her down. She could tell Jon was disappointed when he realized he wouldn’t catch up to her.

Once she was close to her apartment she allowed herself to take a deep breath. She really thought that her crush on Jon Snow would’ve disappeared with all the other high school fantasies that seemed to die out with undergrad. She really didn’t want to deal with those feelings because nothing good could come from them.

She decided to distract herself with finally reading the note. She giggled when she saw two hastily drawn knights with the quote two knight, won’t be just any knight. Her heart raced when she saw the address to one of her favorite coffee places and 7:30 next to the address.

Maybe the best way to get over her dumb crush on Jon Snow was to meet the mysterious person leaving these sweet notes?


Sansa straightened her cardigan as she sat at a lone table in the coffee shop. It was 7:55 and it was slightly crowded due to some open mic night that was ending. She wasn’t how long was appropriate to wait before deciding she had been stood up.

She felt awkward when she saw Jon Snow heading towards her table with two cups in his hand. She gave him a small smile when he sat down across from her and handed her a mug. She took a small sip and sighed at the delicious nut meg taste.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I had this whole thing planned and completely forgot about the open mic night” Jon started, but stopped when he noticed her choking on her drink. After a few awkward pats against her back she was able to regain her ability to breathe.

“You’re the one leaving the notes?” Sansa wanted to make sure she had heard him correctly and that her brain wasn’t short circuiting and making up what it wanted to hear.

“Well, I remembered you liked puns and shit I should have just asked you out. Robb and Theon are really the worst at giving advice” Jon cursed under his breath “I really wanted to get tonight right especially after you helped me out in class today”.

“What did you want to do tonight?” Sansa was genuinely curious as to what he considered had gone wrong.

“I, uh, well I wanted to give you your favorite latte and say something like I like you a latte, and hope to God you may agree to go on an actual date with me.” Jon told her with a shy smile and red creeping up on his cheeks.

“Good news, I like you and your excessive use of puns and would be happy to go on an actual date with you” Sansa couldn’t help but smile at Jon before leaning across the table to give him a quick kiss.


Years later, when Jon was ready to propose he left the same card with two knights and instructions on where to meet him. Sansa said yes.

i’m not being obtuse, but you’re acute girl available here

anonymous asked:

Janeth sama, do you have head canons for what Mugiwaras do in their free time?

Hahaha, I’m a fan of those nicknames ❤︎

Hmm, I have never thought about it. But let’s try!!

  • Luffy 

Eat!!!?? Ok, I think he’s still the adorable dork who is playing with Usopp and Chopper on the swing of Sunny, making some stupid jokes or just fishing. Anyway, if he’s not with them becuase they might be busy, he would bother any of the Straw Hats to get distracted, like asking Brook to play a funny song, Sanji to cook some meat or Franky to show him some cool stuff.

  • Zoro

Training, sleeping and fighting Sanji, definitely. But let’s add more here, I think he gets distracted watching the lil’ bro trio (Luffy, Usopp and Chopper) from the crow’s nest (because they’re so funny and this is so cute) or enjoying the view of the sea. I think he’s a very calm person.

  • Nami

Studying most of the time like drawing some of her maps with her window open most of the time because she wants to being concious of the weather. Reading with Robin or taking the sun with her and picking some tangarines. Anyway, she always look up for Luffy because she’s sure that he’ll do something stupid.

  • Usopp

Playing with Luffy and Chopper most of the time, like I said. I’m sure he sometimes uses to train his aim or physical force, and why not? He sometimes asks Zoro to help him. He likes to paint!! So I’m sure he has a painting of all the Straw Hats, when they’re in their freetime, he asked them if he can do it and of course they all agree!! Also, he goes with Sanji to get a snack. So precious, isn’t it?

  • Sanji

Apart from cooking for all the crew. I think he’s always reading receipts or cooking books, even when he has already read them. Also, he’s always writing the process when he’s cooking, because maybe he wants to publish his own cookbook :’) He always make coffee for Robin, withouth asking her because he knows he always want some, and he always ask to Nami what she want (because she always wants something different). He does the same for all the crew, but he would never admit that. When all the crew are eating he stays quiet and smiling, watching how they’re enjoying his food. Also he enjoys to see the sea while he’s smoking. 

  • Chopper

Playing and studying! He’s a responsible child, to be honest. Trying some new medicine. He loves to listen the stories of Usopp and Robin. Also, he likes to sleep in Robin legs and always asks Sanji to make him some candies or just giving him some ideas for the dessert. Sometimes he accompanies Zoro to see him train, because he thinks he’s awesome!

  • Robin

Reading all the time. But when she finish a book, she goes with Luffy asking what he’s doing, because she always enjoy to see them playing (and if Luffy falls to the water she’s there to save him). Also, I imagine her telling some stories of the books she had read (she’s a mom ;w;).

  • Franky

I think he’s the one who’s always helping the lil bro trio with their ideas of creating some cool stuff (he’s a great father, ok?!), designing new ideas for the sunny or weapons, and helping Usopp with his inventions!! And, and, and always helping the crew with any necessity, like Robin needing another bookcase. He’s a wonderful person!

  • Brook

AH, always singing or creating new songs. Laughing at the lil’ bro trio. Also, I think he helps Sanji in the kitchen, like setting the table for the breakfast (he wakes up early, like Sanji, so yeah :’D) or washing the dishes!! Also I think he’s always playing the violin while he walks all over the Sunny (like here) and Robin likes it when she’s reading. This is so beautiful.

Anyway, most of the time it ends with an outdoor banquet ;) 

Oh god I enjoyed to write this so much ;w; Thank you anon!! Like you made me remember why I love One Piece!!!!? Thank you!!! This is gold. 

anonymous asked:

what are some of your favourite junhan moments when either jun or jeonghan are jealous?? ^.^

okay so before i get into things i just wanna put it out there that you shouldn’t take any of the following comments too seriously because i’m sure they’re all just mates and nothing more! so think of the following as my thoughts when i let my imagination run wild kinda thing LOL

fave ‘jealous’ junhui moment

fave ‘jealous’ jeonghan moment

BONUS: junhan making jisoo ‘jealous’

^this is why i like jihan as well. like jokes aside and all.. that is one interesting reaction :’))

Imagine Woozi getting jealous because Mingyu was giving you piggyback rides but when you confront him and said that he shouldn’t be jealous of Mingyu, he looks at you with a blank expression on his face before nonchalantly replying “I wasn’t jealous of him. I was jealous of you.”

sorry is a big word. some only apologise when they think it’s their fault while some apologise like they breathe the word sorry. throughout my life, i grew out of saying too many sorrys till it leaves stains on my shirts to only apologising when i know i am at the wrong side and back to saying it faster than when i chew my food then to being told when only i should apologise. it circles and it never stops, never reaches their destinations, never runs out. it is an unquestionable question, an unanswerable answer. no matter how long you live, you never quite figure out how to do it. it’s like a phase and right now, for a long time i am still apologising like it is my anthem. i don’t know when is the next phase coming. i always apologise till people think i take things too seriously. that you can never joke around with me, i’m not fun and not interesting. people who take things too seriously are never fun but it’s because i will never know if they are hurt or no that i always say sorry when i still have the chance. i say sorry because i am like that. i don’t tell them that i get offended over their jokes or anything they say, you don’t get to decide certain things on what should or should not hurt you. it’s because when i expect them to say sorry because they hurt my feelings, they don’t. that’s why i apologise all the time because i don’t decide what should and should not hurt people. and i don’t want to hurt you.
—  i’m sorry.
4

This can’t be the data-point. This technology is ancient. 

Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon sentence starters- Chapter 2
  • "I can't let my guard down! If I'm not careful, then..."
  • "I knew my eyes weren't playing tricks on me!"
  • "Where are you from? What's your name?"
  • "You're not SERIOUSLY (NAME's) kid, are you?"
  • "...Hmm? Am i annoying? You're totally thinking about how annoying I am right now, yeah?"
  • "Heh! See what I did there? A little joke?"
  • "So this is where you've been!!"
  • "What in the world... did I just witness?"
  • "Someday you're going to go too far, and it'll be too late for sorries then!"
  • "Ughhh... Why did I come here... I'm so scared..."
  • "Grown-ups will always be saying you can't do this, or that, or the other. But there are things in life you'll never learn by experiencing them for yourself."

anonymous asked:

Jasper locked up the door to the library. It was his first time closing, and walking home this late made him nervous. He made his way down the street, carefully following the directions on his phone to his apartment, while also being sure to check each alley for danger. He looked down at his phone again as he rounded a corner, immediately crashing into someone and dropping something out of their hands. "Oh I'm so sorry let me get-- uhh.... is that... blood?" He asked nervously. -jaspervancura-rp

Quill groaned as half of his butcher’s blood bags dropped to the floor and tore open. “You’ve got to be fucking joking,” he was momentarily occupied by the loss of nourishment, calculating how much he’d have to drink now. It was either take the normal amounts and hunt for rats and cats in the last week like a mangy predator, or stretch his remaining supply and feel miserably weak for a while before his next pick up. Remembering the reason for the loss, he looked up at the person he’d run into and processed the question. “It’s– yes, I’m a nurse at…” oh, Christ, it was too late at night to come up with a decent alibi. “I’m a vampire,” he shrugged. He’d never really cared enough about it. On the plus side, usually if anyone found out they’d stay away. He never understood every supernatural in this town’s need to hide. It’s not like half the town wasn’t suspicious anyway.
[Happy to finally meet Jasper!]