this isn't even half of everything i'm still looking for it all

The Tiny Anthropologist's Advice for College:
  • 8 AM classes really aren't that bad: It may take some willpower (and coffee) to get there, but really, 8AMs aren't that bad. Get a decent amount of sleep the night before and you will be okay. If I can get myself and my 4 year old out of bed, get ready, drop her off at preschool and arrive on time for an 8am, you can too!
  • Taking classes that meet once a week for long blocks: If your learning style is such that sitting in a long lecture once a week is something you can handle, then these are the best classes to take. Personally, I have done 3 semesters of these and they have been my favorite and the ones I have gotten the best grades in.
  • Scheduling back-to-back class periods: These can be beneficial if you're the type of person that just likes to get everything out of the way at once. However, the downside is that you will not have time to eat between classes, and you may have to grab something and eat during lecture. If the buildings for your classes are far apart, this may not even be an option. Having breaks between classes is important to allow yourself mental relaxation and to eat, or catch up on work.
  • Don't be afraid to change your major: I've changed my major a lot, like maybe 8-10 times. The downside is that I am graduating a year late, but I took A LOT of fascinating classes and became a much better rounded student. Colleges know that student change their minds. If you switch majors 2-3 times, you won't end up behind. I'm a special case.
  • Take long-hand notes: You may feel strange taking long-hand notes while everyone else is typing away at their MacBooks, but long-hand notes are MUCH more beneficial as far as long-term memory goes, and you don't run the risk of being distracted by Facebook.
  • Dress appropriately for class: The college stereotype of everyone attending class in their pajamas isn't true. At least make the effort to throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Your professors will notice if you look like a slacker in class, and dressing nicely (or at least not in your pajamas) shows them that you value your education and respect their lectures. People wear anything from casual clothes to ties to class, and everything inbetween. Don't be afraid you'll be overdressed, being underdressed is much worse (in my opinion).
  • Cultivate relationships with professors: ATTEND OFFICE HOURS. Close relationships with professors are massively helpful! Professors are much more willing to write letters of recommendation, look over rough drafts, or help you out via email at 10pm for students that they know than ones that they don't. Additionally, professors can be some of the most interesting people you will ever meet.
  • Attend class: Along the same lines as above, attending class is very important. You (or your parents) are paying for you to be there. You should try to get the most out of that by attending lectures that you have signed up for. Additionally, when it comes finals time and you need to boost your grade, no professor is going to help you if you haven't attended their lectures.
  • Invest in a water bottle: Nothing is worse than sitting in a lecture dying of thirst.
  • Invest in a messenger bag, tote bag, or backpack: You don't have a locker in college and chances are your dorm will be far away from your classes. Make sure you have something to carry anything you'll need, from books, to pens and pencils, to a laptop, or even snacks like granola bars.
  • Take notes: Do it. Your professor knows more than you, that's why they are at the front of the room. Listen to them, and write down what they say. Then study it. This is how you learn.
  • Utilize the library: Other than during finals week, the library is pretty much a guaranteed quiet place to study. Additionally, college libraries have databases for research papers, printing services, and a whole lot more for students.
  • Eat alone if you want/have to: No one will judge you. I promise.
  • Annotate your books: Especially if you are an English/literature major! It is a lot easier to simply take all of your notes in the novel than to copy down page numbers and quotes into a notebook. Textbooks (like science ones) can be annotated too!
  • Don't let anyone shame you about your major: Each major is difficult in its own way. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're taking an "easy" major or that they are more intelligent than you because they are in a "hard" major. STEM majors are not better than Liberal Arts majors, and Liberal Arts majors are not better than STEM majors. Ignore anyone who says otherwise. Ignore anyone who says your major is pointless. This does not only apply to fellow students, but family, friends, and the world in general.
  • Prepare for advising periods: Class offerings are usually posted before registration is open. Take an hour to become familiar with the requirements of your department and the individual college it is in (if applicable), as well as University/institutional requirements (IE at UMass, my "college" is the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences, while my department is Anthropology. The university itself, SBS, and Anthro all have different specific requirements I must meet to graduate) and make a list of classes you would like to take that satisfy these requirements. Advisors will appreciate it.
  • Take advantage of campus resources: Many colleges and universities have numerous extremely helpful resources, such as employment services which will help with resumes, or counselors for when you're having a hard time. Use these. They are there for you.
  • Keep yourself organized: Notebooks, highlighters, a planner, flashcards, an expandable file, binders, folders, literally whatever you need to keep track of all your papers, assignments, due dates, and what you need to help you study is important for you to have. If you don't know what helps you study or what keeps you organized, try some different systems or do some research.
  • Keep your syllabi: Every semester I buy a different notebook for each class I am taking, and I always keep my syllabus folded in half in the back of each notebook. It has saved my ass numerous times.
  • Check your email or the course website before class: Nothing sucks more than being the only kid who didn't know class was cancelled, especially if you're a commuter and you drove in/took the bus to a class that isn't happening.
  • Give yourself plenty of time: Whether its getting to class, doing homework, or writing a paper, make sure you give yourself enough time. This is especially important for commuters. I can promise you that you will need more time to drive to class than you think. I live less than 40 minutes away from UMass and I still leave 75-90 minutes before class starts.
  • Understand your learning style: Do flashcards work best? What about mindmaps? Answering questions at the end of the chapter? Understand what allows things to sink into your mind the best, and utilize that method of learning.
  • Honestly, you can get by with SparkNotes: I was an English major. We had to read, a lot and I didn't always read the novels. I used SparkNotes and skimmed chapters. While I wouldn't recommend relying on this entirely to graduate, it can help in a pinch.
  • Skipping class: I know I just told you to go, and I do mean that. But sometimes you need to skip class and be lazy or frivolous, and that's fine. Don't make it a habit. I usually allow myself 1-2 "mental health" days per semester. HOWEVER you should be VERY clear on the absence policy of your professors. Some don't take attendance, and others will kick you out if you miss 3 classes. It's always in the syllabus.
  • It's okay to withdraw from a class: Getting a W is better than getting an F. If a class is too much for you, then it's best to step out of it. Most professors will understand, and most grad schools and jobs will too.
  • Be kind to yourself: It's easy to only value yourself through school, as in what grade you got on a test, or how your GPA stacks up against others but we are all human and sometimes we fuck up and sometimes we do poorly and thats alright. Learn from it and move on.
  • Take care of yourself: !!!!! This is very important. Eat as well as you can/enough, sleep enough, don't become addicted to or dependent on drugs/alcohol, exercise (even if its just walking to class), take showers, etc. Sometimes taking care of yourself takes a back seat to taking care of your grades OR to having too much fun, and neither is a good strategy. Yes, college is a time to assert your independence and have fun and party, but if you do too much it will begin to affect your grades and your health.
  • Try to get internships or research assistantships/independent studies: These will look great on your resume and a lot of them are quite interesting/enjoyable. It shows initiative, drive, and motivation! Professors usually have independent studies and career/employment services (if your campus has that) can help with internship placement.
  • These are basic things that I have learned during my college career. I'm sure I could come up with more, but I hope this is helpful!
🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.

Okay so @chirpingisflirting said she’s been having a real poopy bday, so I thought I’d take a crack at a nurseydex hc (which became this lame ficlet chimera) for her! Here goes nothing! Literally!

I’d imagine that, early in Nursey and Dex’s relationship (say, four months in?), school starts hittin’ Dex hard; boy’s got assignments up the wazoo, some emergency fees come up and he takes a small job a few days a week at the school bookstore/convenience store, his life’s just a mess. Nursey’s trying to keep his cool and be understanding, but it’s driving him nuts. He hasn’t seen Dex outside of practice in like, a month and a half, and he keeps trying to text him and make the best out of a crappy situation, but Dex tends to fall asleep or get bogged down by a new assignment and just forgets to text back and or it’s been almost a day and it’d feel really awkward to answer now and… yeah. It’s really fucking with Nursey.

He’s been taking it slow with Dex (whom I headcanon as only recently really coming into his sexuality?) since the start, but it feels like he’s the only one who gives a crap sometimes. Nursey reminds himself that’s obviously not true, though, and that Dex is just obscenely busy and just… lays on the supportive texts, or brings extra snacks for Dex after practice/before class. Still, this can only go on for so long.

And it’s driving Dex crazy too, because he’s reading all the texts, and he can see how upset Nursey is every time he splits up with the rest of the team after breakfast to head off to class, and it weighs on his mind when he’s knee-deep in some cs problem. It’s his first real relationship (with a dude?), and he’s crazy for Nursey, but he feels like he’s only giving 30% when Nursey’s constantly giving 100% (which ISN’T TRUE; boy’s running himself ragged, here!).

So he works double time for like a week to give him enough slack to slack off for an evening. It’s Tuesday, and he texts Nursey around lunch to get dressed in something comfy and wait outside the Haus for him after dinner. Nursey’s totally confused and is so… idk? Anxious? What could Dex want to talk about? Can Nursey even take this anymore? Is this fair to him? He almost doesn’t reply or want to show up, but he’s a sucker for Dex, so he puts on a cute li'l sweater over a collared shirt and waits out front.

Dex pulls up ten minutes late (definitely unlike him), and Nursey and him drive off silently.

They pull up to this hill hidden between these real posh houses that overlook Samwell and the surrounding town, minutes pass, and Dex pulls a scrap of paper and a single, haggard looking rose from behind his seat, but he still won’t talk. He just stares down at the things in his hands, and Nursey’s somewhere between concerned and pissed.

“I stopped by the flower shop before they closed and picked this up for you,” Dex starts, hands on the rose he’s now jerking in Nursey’s direction, “but I realized I don’t even know if you like roses, and this is completely fucking cliché, and it got all fucked up because I kept fiddling with it, and- Jesus, Nurse. I’m sorry.”

Nursey just looks up and locks eyes with Dex for the first time all night. Concern is winning out over anger now. He takes the rose, and his eyebrows wrinkle in an almost sad way.

“Shit, Nur- Derek! Derek. Are you okay? I’m so, so–”

“I love it.” Nursey places his hand over Dex’s. Dex just blushes and goes silent again, his eyes returning to the scrap that’s getting closer to becoming, well, scraps.

“I know I’ve been really shitty about, well, us, recently.” Dex is breathing deeper now. “But I know how hard this is for you, and I think about you all the time, and I thought I could balance everything, but I-” Dex shrugs. “I guess I can’t,” he chuckles.

“And I guess I know how much you like poetry and stuff, and- just- I brought you here to tell you…” He stretches out the paper in his now shaking hands, and sucks in a sharp breath. Th- this. Just read this.“ He passes the scrap over to Nursey:

‘You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.’

"Yo, you know plagiarism is probably the least effective way to my heart, right?” Nursey chirps.

“I know that, idiot,” Dex starts. “I- I’m not saying I wrote it. I just-”

“I know, man.” Nursey’s hand tightens around Dex’s.

And then Nursey’s kissing him, and Dex could almost cry for all that he feels he doesn’t deserve it after this past month. They break apart soon, though, and Dex takes the moment to hold Nursey out at arm’s length.

“I'msosorryDerekyoudeservebetterthanthisI'lltryharderforyou,” Dex breathes out.

“Hey, chill. I’m not blind, you know? You’re doin’ everything you can, Will. Just… just let me help you too, y'know? If you’re too busy to leave your damn room, let me come to you. It’ll kill me, but I can catch up on my readings and… not distract you.” He waits a beat for Dex to answer, and when he doesn’t, he continues, “Or I can meet you in between classes and walk you to your next one, or we can call each other… I just miss you.”

Dex’s eyes start darting here and there, like he’s looking for something in Nursey’s, and he finally answers: “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.” He’s sniffling now. “Let me do better.”

And with that, Dex leans in to kiss the smile sprouting on Nursey’s lips.

(And then vehicular cuddles. A lot of them. To the point where Nursey has to drive them back because Dex is half-asleep.)

Long Ass List of Daredevil Sentence Starters
  • "Scream all you want. Come on, let me hear you scream. Scream loud. Nobody gives a shit down here."
  • "I gotta go bribe a cop."
  • "But seriously, yeah, I gotta go bribe a cop."
  • "Please stop giving my mom cigars."
  • "Look, I'm not asking you to do anything immoral."
  • "You've never done this before?"
  • "Maybe we can help each other."
  • "All I did was ask him for a drink."
  • "Define yourself by what you have, value the differences, make no apologies for what you lack."
  • "I thought I detected a whiff of virtue in there."
  • "But I'm awkward and unfashionable. Those things don't seem to apply to you."
  • "I just don't feel like going home okay?"
  • "So let's hop a few bars, not think about it."
  • "Your outfit kind of sucks, by the way."
  • "You haven't told me anything about you."
  • "Okay, good because I was starting to worry you might be in love with me."
  • "I drank the eel. Not a euphemism."
  • "And we are now filled with mighty eel strength!"
  • "After what you told me, I'm never going home again."
  • "I know you're scared, but I'm here to help you. Okay? - You don't have to be scared anymore."
  • "I make a heck of a latte, if you're interested."
  • "Facts have no moral judgment. They merely state what is. Not what we think of them, not what we feel."
  • "I know how hard this must be for you."
  • "You have no idea how any of this is for me."
  • "They have to pay for what they've done."
  • "They won't listen."
  • "We'll make them listen."
  • "You do not want to test me."
  • "You think this is still about you?"
  • "You should have just killed me. You coward."
  • "This is an offer, not an order."
  • "I did some digging into your, uh past activities."
  • "A man/woman that can be bought isn't worth having."
  • "I said you should move on. Didn't say anything about me."
  • "Even though our perception of it changes, one thing remains constant. The past can never be completely erased. It lingers."
  • "I've been lied to before by men/women. Some were even decent ones but they still felt the need to be dishonest about things that mattered."
  • "Hey, that's not a reason, it's an excuse."
  • "He's/She's like a sexual Rain Man."
  • "I want you to touch my face."
  • "Just tell me what you feel."
  • "You need anything else, you know where to find me."
  • "You want the short answer or the long one?"
  • "We need to contain this."
  • "Lying to that woman is impossible."
  • "Choose a side."
  • "I'm the closest he/she has to family. He'd/She'd do the same for me."
  • "That wasn't very smart, but it was fun watching you bleed."
  • "Life is not a fairy tale. Not everyone deserves a happy ending."
  • "Animals don't stop fighting. Not until one of them is dead."
  • "Admittedly, I'm a work in progress."
  • "Let's get this started."
  • "You know what they call stuff like that? Gifts. The special kind. The kind that very few people have. Or deserve."
  • "Smart don't come out of books, kid. Smart is making the right decision at the right time."
  • "Big world. Not all of it flowers and sunshine, and the only way guys like you and me can survive is to grab it by the throat and never let go."
  • "Are you gonna lie there all night or get up off your ass?"
  • "What a shithole."
  • "This is my life and I made something of it, without you."
  • "Relationships are a luxury men like you and me can't afford."
  • "Is that why you left? Huh? To protect me?"
  • "You got heart kid, but heart's not enough."
  • "Anger is a spark, good. Rage is a wildfire, out of control, therefore useless. Just like you."
  • "We all pay for our choices."
  • "I've learned a lot since you've been gone."
  • "You're a dick."
  • "Say that you want my help."
  • "I want you to help yourself."
  • "I don't need a friend. I need a soldier."
  • "In war, people die. If it's not you, it's the guy next to you."
  • "I swear I will not kill anybody. Pussy."
  • "Never is a man more good looking than when he is in love."
  • "You do your job, I'll do mine."
  • "On occasion some dickery may leak out, but doesn't mean I'm wrong."
  • "So, how long before I do something that pisses you off?"
  • "You can't listen to people like that. You have to just block them out."
  • "Yeah, you're just a guy, right? A really, really good-looking guy."
  • "If you weren't half dead, I would kick your ass."
  • "We're gonna be the best damn avocados this city has ever seen."
  • "Misspelling 'Hanukkah' is a mistake. Attempted murder is a little something else."
  • "Well, we seldom get everything we want. Not in this world."
  • "You were really something back in the day. When you had a soul."
  • "I'm not afraid to die."
  • "We'll be together, that's all that matters."
  • "You really think that this will change anything?"
Cost of Freedom (12/??)

Summary: In which Kaito spends time in solitary, and gets a little surprise. Prison!AU

[Beginning]     [Previous Chapter]     [Next Chapter]

The first three days of solitary confinement make Kaito feel as if he’s going insane. The silence and the lack of stimulation leaves him feeling jittery, as if the walls are moving in on him. He moves between feeling overwhelmed by his own emotions, and an emotional flatness where he just feels like there is no hope.

It does not take him long to understand why people label solitary as psychological torture. Not with how quickly it has led to his unravelling, not with how loneliness has gripped into his skin and is pulling him under the water, drowning him.

“I need to calm down,” Kaito says, and he’s not sure why it seems so much more difficult to deal with this time, but solitary is taking the life from him. “It’s not going to be like this for too long.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I'm new here, in fact I've been sucked in by the intense TMZ coverage about a boybander I had never heard about. The no paternity article seemed so fishy that I wanted to learn more about him. I saw old videos of him and I thought yeah this kid isn't straight. And then I discovered the larry conspiracy. I'm still not convinced one way or another about Larry/ the baby but I've read some masterposts debunking it and while there are a lot of inconsistencies, a few of them can be explained away. (1)

I just wanted to know if these alternatives seem plausible to you. For example, it’s true that pr wise this was handled really badly but isn’t their team known for being incompetent? And apparently their team hates Louis so if that’s the case that was more incentive for them to turn this into a big joke. That’s why the pr side of isn’t really convincing to me. Maybe they took advantage of a real situation (an oopsie baby) to make things hard for him. (2)

As for the early annoucement the J family seems to me rather fame hungry and it looks like Briana gor pregnant on purpose to trap him and get money/fame from it so them threatening him to leak isn’t far fetched to me. It could explain the tension between the families and why no one close to him congratulated him because that family is frankly awful. And then her and her family negotiated some exposure for her (her appearances at the London shows), a few pap walks for her then for the baby. (3)

So maybe the fact that he’s getting papped with the baby is a condition of his visitation rights? This is more exposure for them since she’s mentioned in each article. Idk I’m just trying to consider every possibility but yeah there are a lot more which cannot be explained (Louis’ lack of bond to the baby, her changing bump, the weird pictures, the media circus about the doll theory, the tmz coverage, the rental house, no pat test, Louis saying he’ll have no responsabilities etc) (4)

Anyway I just wanted your opinion on my alternative explanation. I’d like to dismiss the drunken ons mistake handled really badly and fame hungry family trapping a miIlionaire boybander theory. Thank you.

____

okay so since you’ve said you’re new i’m going to start by giving you a lot of reading to do. 

we’ve been talking about this situation extensively for months and i’m not going to bother re-inventing the wheel when there are a million resources i can point you to instead.

so, for starters, in case you haven’t seen this yet, briana was never actually pregnant. everything about this entire situation is fake and has been from the very beginning. in case you need proof that the pics of the changing bump are actually from this year check my ‘bump’ tag.

next, this metro article conveniently just happened to ‘predict’ a louis pregnancy, the zerrie break up, zayn leaving the band, and the band breakup rumours half a year in advance. chances are some of syco’s plans for the upcoming year were leaked to them/someone working there overheard something and they framed them as eerily accurate ‘predictions;

now for the links:

start with these two excellent masterposts by gabi @tellmethisisnotlove

introducing partboy!louis (where you’ll see how contrived all of this has been from the beginning)

foreshadowing of the stunt/louis saying the baby isn’t real

then read these:

a real celebrity pregnancy does not play out like this regardless of the circumstances

PLEASE READ THIS ENTIRE POST it pretty much singlehandedly addresses all of your questions.

they would just pay briana off if this was real she would never have been able to leverage it into a people magazine story on her own

celebrity lovechild precedents in which the public found out YEARS LATER

a summary of the situation/all the inconsistencies

way more details into the inconsistencies and general tomfoolery

and a nice final post on how it’s not just an ‘unplanned pregnancy louis was bummed out about and that’s why he kept talking about his lack of plans and responsibilities’

if you want to read more/still have questions i’d suggest you check out the first half of the links on this page on my blog.

also here’s a post on why we think babygate is happening/the purpose of it. also if you want to read more about louis and harry check out @theharrylouistreatise

you mentioned her getting pregnant on purpose to ‘trap’ him but you need to understand that she is not the famous one here. she has no power. she has no control. if he wanted this story shut down if there really was a kid, it would have been shut down. it wouldn’t have been a huge exclusive in people magazine (people magazine is the most obsequious pseudo tabloid there is they will kiss the ass of every single celebrity and pr person and will print whatever they’re told in exchange for exclusives).

her family would not be able to negotiate ANYTHING. they simply do not have that kind of power or leverage (especially because, as it’s frequently been reported, no paternity test has been taken. if this situation was real there would still be NO PROOF THE KID IS EVEN HIS).

let that sink in. ‘freddie’ is now almost 3 months old AND LOUIS STILL HAS NEVER TAKEN A PATERNITY TEST. how on earth would briana and her horrible family have any leverage or means of manipulating louis if that basic fact hasn’t even been established?

logically if louis was being ‘trapped’ by her and her family wouldn’t the first thing he did be to demand a paternity test? but nope, apparently he’s said multiple times he doesn’t need one. do you see how those thoughts cannot co-exist in a logical scenario?

how can louis be trapped if there’s a giant potential exit right in front of him in the form of a paternity test? you’re telling me he hates the situation this much but won’t even take the most obvious step which could free him from all of this completely?

@ the people who are calling out mark’s snake friends but acting like mark is an innocent victim in all of this

i honestly ??????? don’t quite understand why everyone is down to trash mark’s friends yet only about 1/5 of y'all are calling mark out along with them

like let me remind you these guys are MARK’s friends. not bambam’s, not yugyeom's—they sure as hell aren’t youngjae's—no, they are MARK’s friends. this isn’t just one or two reptile nasties in association with him either, this is AN ENTIRE GROUP of problematic, shit-faced drunks who leak the n-word and other derogatory bullshit like it’s their mother tongue.

these aren’t just “past high school friends” either ????? mark is STILL friends with them, he payed for their tickets to flyinla, let them backstage and has taken snapchat pics w/ them multiple times, and not even a week ago was partying with these same trash heaps listening to black music and them calling him “my n*gga” in his own backyard. don’t act like they’re some irrelevant group of people he’s already left behind and doesn’t associate himself with anymore.

mark didn’t even look phased at bambam calling him the n-word, much less did he bother to tell his friends to stop every time they said it when they @’d him on twitter/ig. he’s made it pretty damn obvious that he’s okay with his friends saying shit. in this whole situation he’s been transparently neutral and THAT MAKES HIM JUST AS GUILTY.

BEING AN ENABLER IS NOT A POSITIVE THING.

MARK MAY HAVE CHANGED FROM HOW HE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT TRAINING FOR 5 YEARS AND COMING TO SK TO FOLLOW HIS DREAM HAS MADE HIM A BETTER PERSON (IN ALL THE 2 ½ YEARS GOT7 HAS BEEN AROUND THIS BOY HASNT DONE A SINGLE THING THAT WAS PROBLEMATIC ASIDE FROM HAVING THESE SHITTY ASS PEOPLE ASSOCIATED WITH HIM), BUT THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT THESE ARE HIS FRIENDS. 

  • HIS FRIENDS WERE THE ONES WHO CAME TO FLYINLA DRUNK OFF THEIR ASSES WHEN OVER HALF THE AUDIENCE MADE UP OF MINORS, ACTING HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE AS THEY TURNED GOT7’s ENCORE SEGMENT INTO A COMPLETE JOKE. I ATTENDED AND WAS PRESENT FOR DAY 1, SAW THEIR NASTINESS FIRST HAND AND WAS IN HONEST DISBELIEF AS TO HOW UNPLEASANT THEY WERE. BECAUSE OF THEM, SO MANY PEOPLE WENT HOME DISSATISFIED AND THERE WERE SO MANY NEGATIVE FAN ACCOUNTS THAT GOT7 DID NOT DESERVE.
  • HIS FRIENDS WERE THE ONES SPRAYING FANS WITH WATER AND BEER LIKE THE CONCERT WAS SOME KIND OF RAVE, RUINING SOMEONE’S HAND-MADE SIGN WITH THEIR NONSENSE AS WELL AS MAKING A GIRL CRY BY HITTING HER WITH A LIGHTSTICK THEY THREW, GETTING INTO A FIGHT SO BAD THE POLICE HAD TO COME. 
  • HIS FRIENDS WERE THE ONES WHO UPLOADED PRIVATE IMAGES OF GOT7 ONTO THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA FOR THE SAKE OF GAINING LIKES AND FOLLOWERS, CREATING THIS ENTIRE MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NOT ONLY DISRESPECTING MARK’S PRIVACY AND REPUTATION, BUT ALL OF GOT7’s. YOUNGJAE DIDN’T EVEN GO TO THE FUCKING PARTY, HE SAT HIS ASS DOWN AT HOME AND WAS PROBABLY PLAYING POKEMON GO ALL DAY, YET HE’S GOING TO GET YELLED AT IN ASSOCIATION WITH THIS BULLSHIT AND YOU DON’T KNOW HOW UPSET THAT MAKES ME.

YES, ANDREW AND JESSICA AND HOLLY AND WHOEVER ELSE IS IN THEIR NASTY ASS SNAKE GROUP ARE THEIR OWN PERSON AND HAVE THEIR OWN RESPONSIBILITIES AS ADULTS, BUT Y'ALL NEED TO REALIZE THAT WHEN THEY ACT OUT LIKE THIS IT DOESN’T JUST ULTIMATELY FALL ON THEM. IT FALLS ON MARK. IT FALLS ON GOT7.

LIKE I WOULD LOVE TO THINK THAT MARK IS AWARE OF HOW HURTFUL THE N-WORD IS TO ALL OF THEIR BLACK FANS, THAT HE DOESN’T SUPPORT THE USE OF THE N-WORD OR ANY DEROGATORY TERM AT ALL & THAT HE DOESN’T SHARE ANY VIEWS WITH THE TRASH PILE HE HAS AND STILL CALLS “HIS FRIENDS"—BUT I ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT HE’S FROM AN AREA IN LA WHERE ITS KNOWN TO HAVE PRIVILEGED LITTLE ASIAN KIDS WHO CARELESSLY THROW THE N-WORD AROUND, ARE REGULAR DRUG AND ALCOHOL USERS, AND ATTEND RAVES ON A NORMAL BASIS—MARK’S FRIENDS ARE SPITTING IMAGES OF THIS.

YOU CAN’T!!!!! HOLD!!!!! MARK!!!!! TO THE SAME STANDARDS!!!!! AS!!!!!! YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, MARK IS HUMAN JUST LIKE US, AND HE MAY HAVE BEEN UNAWARE THAT HIS FRIEND’S WOULD DO ALL THESE THINGS, AND JUST BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS ARE LIKE THIS DOESN’T MEAN HE IS. 

BUT MARK!!!!!! IS!!!!! AN IDOL!!!!!! AND ALONG WITH HIMSELF, HE HAS SIX OTHER PEOPLE TO LOOK AFTER AND UPHOLD AND THINK ABOUT!!!!!! AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT’S HIS FAULT FOR BEING FRIENDS WITH IRRESPONSIBLE, TOXIC ASSHATS WHO NOT ONLY HURT HIS MEMBERS, BUT HIS FANS AS WELL. 

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL, BUT GOT7 HAVE WORKED TOO LONG AND TOO HARD, LEFT BEHIND TOO MANY THINGS, MADE TOO MANY SACRIFICES, AND SHED TOO MANY TEARS TO HAVE THEIR BLOSSOMING CAREERS TORN DOWN AND DEGRADED BY MARK’S RATTY ASS GROUP OF FRIENDS WHO WENT INTO HIDING, SET THEIR ACCOUNT’S ON PRIVATE AND MADE SHITTY EXCUSES WHEN THINGS GOT TOUGH FOR THEM.

THE ONLY CONNECTION THIS FAKE ASS SNAKE PIT HAS WITH GOT7 IS MARK. AND UNTIL HE SPEAKS OUT, UN-FRIENDS, BLOCKS, AND DISASSOCIATES HIMSELF THESE PEOPLE I HAVE NO REASON TO NOT BELIEVE THAT HE IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY WITH EVERYTHING THEY’VE DONE AND EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENING.

I KNOW Y'ALL WANT TO BE UNDERSTANDING, AND NEVER LIKE POINTING FINGERS AT THE BOYS BECAUSE THEY WOULD NEVER DIRECTLY DO ANYTHING TO HURT ANYONE, BUT THIS IS THE TIME.

 I NEED MARK TO REALIZE THAT THIS ISN’T A ONE PERSON SHOW. WHO HE’S FRIENDS WITH AND WHAT THEY DO DOESN’T JUST AFFECT THEMSELVES OR HIM, IT AFFECTS EVERYONE

DON’T BE SILENT ABOUT THIS. DON’T JUST BLAME MARK’S FRIENDS. JUST LIKE YOU FOUGHT FOR AN APOLOGY AND ACKNOWLEDGMENT FROM BAMBAM, YOU CANNOT ALLOW MARK TO STAY NEUTRAL AGAIN AND RISK THIS SERIES OF SCANDALS AND HURT FEELINGS HAPPENING SOME TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE. DO NOT ALLOW MARK TO BE AN ENABLER. HE’S BETTER THAN THIS AND CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS.

I DON’T NEED TO SEE GOT7 HURTING AGAIN BECAUSE OF HIS RATTY “FRIENDS” NEXT YEAR. 

bokuaka drabble, set in the parents au

Akaashi is sleeping, or he is trying to sleep, but the door of the bedroom keeps opening and closing, quick nervous steps echoing in the hallway, back and forward, back and forward. So Akaashi groans, pushes himself up and lets out a sigh escape his lips, kissing sleep time goodbye.

He brushes his fingers through his hair, trying to arrange it a bit, then gets up and drags his feet towards the door. Sleep still sticks to the corner of his eyes, making them droopy, tired.

So much for sleeping in today, he thinks as he’s opening the door.

He is met with a ball of nervous energy, still pacing back and forward, from the living room all the way to the bedroom.

Bokuto stops at his tracks as he sees Akaashi emerge, sighing in relief. His whole body seems to deflate and he smiles at Akaashi as if his sole presence has resolved whatever is bothering Bokuto.

Akaashi wants to be mad, wants to tell Bokuto to stop pacing around so he can go back to sleep but if there is one thing Akaashi is really bad at, it’s being angry with Bokuto. So he spreads his arms with certain gentleness reserved for Bokuto only, and mumbles, voice still hoarse with sleep, “Come here, tell me what’s wrong.”

Bokuto doesn’t wait to be invited twice, he stumbles the short distance between them and melts into Akaashi, his arms coming around to pull him closer. The hug seems to calm him further and his shoulders slouch in the comfort.

“I messed up,” he mumbles in the crook of Akaashi’s neck, “promise me you won’t get mad.”

Keep reading

Horoscopes
  • Aries: You have much in common with...a tree. A sadness that no one can see or understand; communication only through silence and wind. Skin made of wood. The way you collect sustenance through roots buried in soil. You are very very much like a tree. Almost impossible to tell the difference.
  • Taurus: Today is the day that you change everything! Oh, I'm sorry, I misspoke, I'm sorry. Let me try that again, okay? Today is the day that everything changes you! You will be completely unrecognizable. Yeah, that's it, there you go.
  • Gemini: How scared are you of centipedes, Gemini? I mean, no reason. The stars are just asking. Like...are you super, super scared, because I can't say for sure, but you're pretty brave...right? Like, you could handle a couple of centipedes. You could handle...a bunch of centipedes, right Gemini? No reason, I'm just asking.
  • Cancer: Today is an excellent day for you to demand a promotion, to approach the one that you've been secretly thinking about for years, to try your hand at that new hobby that you are considering. Unfortunately, it is a terrible day for getting that promotion, having that person say yes, and not injuring yourself badly on a power sander. But you should at least feel great about the attempt!
  • Leo: There's just a thick green smudge here, and the word, “Cryptotoxicology”? So I guess that's a good thing, right?
  • Virgo: Now, wait. There are still some of you left? How did you survive the great culling of Virgos that swept through—oh you know what, I'm sorry. That's not til next week. Sorry, I got confused there. Oh yeah, today looks very good for you Virgo. Maybe use this lovely day to get all your affairs in order, just a thought.
  • Libra: All your dreams will come true today! Or...I mean...one of them will. You know that recurring dream where you're chased through a house that seems like your own but it isn't quite, by a swarm of bees that you can't see even though you totally know that they're there? Well, it's not that recurring dream...it's the other one. And I am so, so sorry.
  • Scorpio: Your arms look weird, and your face is a natural irritant. And your personality leaves MUCH to be desired. The principle desire being your immediate absence. YOU DISGUST ME STEVE CARLSBER—I mean...Scorpios? Ugh. Scorpios, right?
  • Sagittarius: Buy a tourniquet. The best that money can buy.
  • Capricorn: Today's lucky number is...Imaginary! But coincidentally, so are you, and your entire experience of the world.
  • Aquarius: You wanna make some money fast? I dunno, rob somebody. Commit fraud. There's lots of ways.
  • Pieces: YOU'VE JUST WON ANOTHER BRAND NEW CAR! You stare bleakly at your home filled with stacks upon stacks of new cars, occupying every possible space at impossible angles. Today's brand new car is wheeled in, and as you feel its bulk pressing up against you, taking the last bit of your home that has still been yours to live in, you feel tears hot upon your cheeks. Congratulations on your prize.
  • Did I spend half an hour transcribing the WTNV The Librarian horoscopes just for a Tumblr chat post? You bet your ass I did
Make Happy Starter Pack
  • Mix of comedy, deep stuff, out of context stuff, and potentially NSFW-ish sentences.
  • "Ladies if you feel me, say hell yeah!"
  • "Fellas if you feel me, say hell yeah!"
  • "Virgins, if you haven't felt a person, say hell yeah!"
  • "If you like drinking booze, let me hear you say hell yeah!"
  • "If you like smoking weed, let me hear you say hell yeah!"
  • "I can't wrap my mind around exactly why I'm here."
  • "I know you paid money."
  • "I should be funny."
  • "Look at the world. I don't know why I'm here."
  • "I would love to tell you that everything is fine."
  • "You wanna be happy... Well, get in line!"
  • "It gets old after a few minutes."
  • "Let's get this show started."
  • "I already fucked it up."
  • "Haters gonna hate. Lovers gonna love."
  • "You have to reject both sides of the spectrum to leave a healthy middle."
  • "Stop participating."
  • "Not a participatory thing going on up here."
  • "Did you not think I was gonna use this, idiot(s)?"
  • "It's not a prop."
  • "I've got a lot of problems in my life."
  • "I got no one to talk to."
  • "There's everyone and then there is just me."
  • "If I could change, don't you think that I'd do it?"
  • "God only knows, why he cursed me to be ________/(a straight white man)"
  • "I state my problems, other people roll their eyes."
  • "Three trips to the mall, zero _______ in my size."
  • "I've never been the victim of a random search for drugs."
  • "You can't say my life is easy."
  • "I know the road looks though ahead."
  • "Can't you just leave us alone?"
  • "Also, 'no' to the things you asked for."
  • "They are being greedy and they know it."
  • "Everyone thinks that I got it easy."
  • "Just because it's true, doesn't mean that it's right."
  • "So pull up a chair and put down your pitchforks."
  • "We still do, but it's not as fun now."
  • "If you were offended by that, it was ironic."
  • "Isn't that fun?"
  • "I meant the whole opposite of it."
  • "White guys... it's easy to be a white guy."
  • "We deserve a cheer once in a while."
  • "We invented a lot of stuff."
  • "Everything but peanut butter."
  • "Your grandkids are going to see this."
  • "Put the lights down."
  • "Their faces creep me out."
  • "I'm not perfect, ok?"
  • "Twice in a week? What is this?"
  • "Do you want to sing a song with me?"
  • "Hey, _____, guess what?"
  • "You're a (insert insult here)."
  • "So I was interrupted the other day-"
  • "Can you turn the lights off at least?"
  • "Why was it on a record player?"
  • "It's gonna outlive me."
  • "Do not give those dumb fucks any credit."
  • "It's all me baby, all me."
  • "How dare you make that joke so late!"
  • "I like poetry."
  • "Do not veer credit to people outside this building!"
  • "Two examples is enough."
  • "I'm right in the sweet spot."
  • "I could give that money to a homless person. But I don't do that very often."
  • "Tomorrow is a relative term. We're not getting there."
  • "You don't know where I'm going, so don't act like it."
  • "You're not ahead of me."
  • "I will retain the element of surprise."
  • "I'm trying to break out of that."
  • "This might not work."
  • "________, I heard you had sex with an older woman last night?"
  • "How does he do it?"
  • "I'm not honest for a second up here."
  • "I think country music gets a bad rep."
  • "A dirt road, a cold beer, blue jeans, a red pick-up."
  • "No shoes, no shirt."
  • "Sort of a mental typo."
  • "I could sing in mandarin."
  • "I own a private ranch that I rarely use. I don't like dirt."
  • "Now it's time to talk to the ladies."
  • "Good girl in a straw head."
  • "Thought it was a human woman."
  • "That is a scarecrow."
  • "I'm wanting you. I hope you're feeling me."
  • "You don't know what land you're in...?"
  • "They are lying to you, that's all."
  • "You deserve better."
  • "I'm not saying I'm it, but I'm the person that says you deserve better."
  • "It's the end of culture."
  • "We lost."
  • "How is this entertainment?"
  • "I saw a gorgeous dick. I was in a public restroom."
  • "You're not picturing this."
  • "I need to earn it."
  • "You need to earn it."
  • "There's more where that came from."
  • "Ladies, I know where that came from."
  • "You want a guy that's sweet."
  • "This ugy only exists in your mind."
  • "Guess what? You're right."
  • "If you want love, lower your expectations a few."
  • "Prince Charming would never settle for you."
  • "Just pick a guy and love him."
  • "Just pick a girl and love him."
  • "You wan't a girl that is noce, a girl that is not."
  • "A real girl, a hot girl, a really hot girl!"
  • "She's real, but last week she died."
  • "You might think you dick is a gift, I promise it's not."
  • "I won't settle for less than perfect."
  • "Deep down we know we don't deserve it."
  • "We all deserve love."
  • "We all suck, but love can make us suck less."
  • "It's the very best part of being alive."
  • "Original does not mean good."
  • "Anyone can do anything."
  • "What is it good for?"
  • "I don't want to get political..."
  • "They just liked the lights, I didn't even need to do jokes."
  • "Yeah, you like that?"
  • "Honey are you ok?"
  • "Are you drunk?"
  • "What's behind your back?"
  • "It's a jar of peanut butter. Alright? Sue me."
  • "Why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise."
  • "I'll clean it up."
  • "You'll make it worse if you try it."
  • "Who are you talking to?"
  • "You just gestured to the sink."
  • "I bought something."
  • "Sit in silence."
  • "Nothing tastes better than not getting sued."
  • "You don't want that desperate sort of cloying thing."
  • "I'm just overpaid, ok?"
  • "I sound mean and rude."
  • "Let a professional hear it."
  • "Stick your tongue in a plug."
  • "Hold your breath until it's gone."
  • "Take your pants off!"
  • "You think it's ok because I'm a dude?"
  • "You think it's ok because he is a dude?"
  • "It's over."
  • "We shouldn't fight to stay together just to fight again."
  • "We need to take a break from us to make it right again."
  • "Honestly are you fucking five?"
  • "I've got my father's temper. I'm emotionally inarticulate."
  • "I'm hurting inside, I'm trying to hide it."
  • "I thought you were lashing out in anger."
  • "I deserve better than you."
  • "Sorry, you're not what I need."
  • "What am I talking about, you know?"
  • "It's about... but for real, what is it about?"
  • "No one gives a shit about what we think!"
  • "The arrogant is taught."
  • "It's prison. It's horrific"
  • "I know very little about anything."
  • "He talked about his problems."
  • "I thought... maybe I could do this."
  • "Can I say my shit, _______?"
  • "I got lots of shit to say."
  • "I can't fit my hand insdie a pringle can."
  • "It's way too small."
  • "You think you can. I know you can't"
  • "Just... make them wider?"
  • "I wanna have a daughter."
  • "But that is priority numero uno."
  • "I don't go to the gym 'cause I'm self concious about my body."
  • "I'm self concious about my body because I don't go to the gym."
  • "Irony can be so painful."
  • "Dude, you should have warned me."
  • "No one wants to have a messx burrito."
  • "I wouldn't have gotten the _______ if I knew it wouldn't fit."
  • "I wouldn't have got half of it."
  • "I'm ok with small mistakes."
  • "I don't think that I can handle this right now."
  • "I can sit here an pretend that my biggest problems are pringle cans and burritos."
  • "The truth is my biggest problem is you."
  • "I want to please you but stay true to myself."
  • "Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of you needs you, part of me fears you."
  • "I should probably just shut up."
  • "You can tell them anything."
  • ""I hope you're happy."
  • "Oh, good, it's just us."
  • "If you hated it, it's fair."
  • "On a scale of one to zero, ________?"
  • "Are you happy?"
  • "But what the fuck kind of question is 'are you happy'?"
  • "Oh god, my dad was right."
  • "You're everything you hated. Are you happy?"
  • "Hey, look, Mom, I made it! Are you happy?"
Giving it Up (Part 2)

part 1

wanting to see your husband compete at the olympics aka nathan says no 

word count: 2,187

“I still can’t decide,” Nathan says looking over two of the same yellow paint samples. You playfully roll your else at him, “oh come on they’re the exact same color!” He scoffs at you. “The color of our child’s room is resting in our hands and you’re treating this like a joke.”  

The last couple of months had been a whirlwind, between doctor’s appointments, getting used to being out of the water, and Olympic trials you barely had time to catch your breath. There was only a short period of time you had left to spend with Nathan before he went to training camp so you were both trying to fill it with as much baby planning as you could. Besides your feelings of jealousy at the beginning of the pregnancy everything for the most part was smooth sailing between you and Nathan. Well, except for one thing.

“So what time is your flight on Tuesday?”

Nathan’s eyes go up a bit; trying to recollect what time it was he would be departing for training. “Hm, I think maybe around 6?”

“And how long after that do you leave for Rio without me?” As soon as the question’s out of your mouth Nathan sighs. “We’ve been over this.”

“I’m sure we can figure something out.” You say, desperately wanting to travel to Rio to see your husband and all of your friends compete on the world’s biggest stage.

“We really can’t,” Nathan says and walks away from you into kitchen trying to end the conversation not wanting to fight about it anymore. The smooth sailing was in motion; at least it was until you both encountered the discussion of traveling to the Olympics.

There had been multiple warnings of the Zika virus in Brazil and if contracted how it can affect people who come into contact with it, it harming pregnant women especially. You had spent hours arguing over it, Nathan of course clearly against you traveling with him. You tried and tried to play the “I’ve given up my career at least let me go watch” card, but unfortunately his stance hadn’t changed or altered in any way. Convincing him that it probably wasn’t as serious as people were portraying it didn’t work either. You in a way had both silently agreed to leave it at that and not bring it up unless it was completely necessary. However now that you had brought it back up, it was only a matter of time before borderline shouting began.

“Nathan if you’ll just listen to me for one second.” You try putting more authority in your voice, wanting him to really pay attention to your case. It doesn’t do anything, “I can listen to you all day, but it really doesn’t change what’s going on and what the outcome’s going to be.”

You frown at him; “you honestly don’t want me to be with you in Rio? Supporting you? Cheering you on?” For what must have been the thousandth time, Nathan sighs and shakes his head at you. “Of course I want you there, but it’d be much better having you here at home, knowing you and the baby are safe.”

You avert your eyes away from him, not wanting him to see how much you still disagreed with him. However, there’s no such he luck and he knows exactly what you’re thinking.

“Do you really feel like you going is more important then our baby’s life?”

Of course you didn’t think that, not in a million years. Inherently you just felt very needy when it came to swimming, and missing it really made it kick into gear. Even though you knew going to Rio could possibly put the baby at risk you still had a strong want to go and that alone made you feel terrible. However, you didn’t reply to Nathan just kept a large waft of silence between you two.

“Right, okay.” Nathan says bitterly, “I’m going out then.” You watch him grab his coat and keys from the kitchen as he heads out the front door, not forgetting to slam it in the process.

When Tuesday finally rolled around the fight between you and Nathan hadn’t dwindled. You barely had said anything to one another in Nathan’s couple of last days before seeing him again at the end of August. The last thing Nathan had said before heading to training camp was, “See you later,” to which you replied with, “have fun.”

That wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Originally you and Nathan were supposed to be getting on that plane together, but now you were supposed to be his support system. He was what mattered to you the most, and you were supposed to be sending him off in excitement, wishing him the best luck at the Olympics not just saying, “have fun.”

The weeks leading up to the Olympics you sent Nathan a large amount of texts and called him multiple times to which he replied, but it definitely seemed like he was still upset with you. You weren’t sure what it was that you could do to bring things back to normal besides heading on a plane to Rio to surprise him. Which of course would only make the situation worse. You figured the hostility still present between you and Nathan was due to the combined stress of competing in the games and the at home drama. You out of everyone knew he needed to be more than focused for the upcoming weeks.

It was hard for you, finding things to keep you occupied around the house. You were so used to either being in the pool or going to meets with Nathan that you weren’t exactly sure what to do. All of your friends swam, many of them in the same position as Nathan so finding company wasn’t very easy. You also attempted to just focus on baby things, but it felt wrong doing anything without Nathan.

You hadn’t actually really left the house until the Wednesday before the opening ceremony of the Rio games. You planned on having a viewing party for the first day of competition for Nathan, inviting over some of his non-swimming friends and a few others over. You knew that you needed to go to the store and pick some things up before then.

On the drive to the grocery store you made sure to make a mental note of everything that was completely necessary to buy. Halting at the stop sign just down the street from your home, you felt your mind wonder from one thing to the next until you felt your body jolted a bit forward. Looking in your rearview mirror, you see a man stepping out of his car behind you. You have got to be kidding me, you think to yourself. You follow the man’s movements and do the same.

After exchanging information you decide to shoot Nathan a quick text

Hey just got in a little accident with the car so don’t be surprised when the insurance goes up

As instantly as you send the text you feel your phone vibrate with an incoming call from your husband.

“What’s going on? Are you okay? Is everything okay? Have you gone to the doctor’s yet to make sure the baby’s okay?” All of the words shoot out of his mouth quickly and you barely have a chance to process his words. “Everything’s fine. It was just a small fender bender. Nothing to ward a doctor’s visit.”

“No, no, no. You have to go. Just to make sure.”

“Nathan, it’s not that big of a deal. If I knew this would get you so worked up I wouldn’t have even texted you.” You sigh, hearing a few honks from drivers behind you since you were illegally parked. “I’m glad you did! Do you need me to come back?”

You opened your mouth stunned, “What?”

He repeats himself, “Do you need me to come back?”

Here he was only a couple of days from competing in his third Olympic games and asking if you needed him to come back home after the most minimal car accident one has ever had in their life.

Nathan was really willing to give it all up for you and the baby. You finally understood why he was so upset and broken about your Rio fight. He felt himself willing to do anything and be self-sacrificing for your family, while you were always half in. You needed to be willing to throw yourself in. You only continue to put yourself first; you didn’t have a right to do that anymore.

“No of course not. I’ll head to the doctor’s office now.” You tell him and you hear him let out a breath as though he’s been holding it this entire time you’ve two been in limbo.

“Thank you.” There’s a pause and you almost feel yourself breaking down. “I’m so sorry babe. I-I’ve been so selfish this entire time and I haven’t been giving enough.” Your words come out like vomit.

“What are you talking about? You gave up Rio and your career, you gave up everything.” Nathan says, clearly trying to soothe you.

“Sure, but I’ve been treating those things like they’re the most important thing I have, but they’re not. You and this baby are the most important things to me. Nothing else.”

“I love you.” Nathan says simply, and with that you know the difficulties between you two have disappeared. “And I love you,” you begin but are soon cut off by another honk, “but I have to go because I’m actually breaking the law right now.”

He laughs, “Sounds perfect.”

“I’ll talk to you later tonight, I love you so much.”

“Bye babe. Love you.” He responds

Hanging up, you take a deep breath in finally thankful that this was over. You could now focus on the baby and rooting on your husband from afar. Moving your hand to your stomach you rub it once, “everything is okay.”

You checked your phone once more to make sure you had the correct time. Nathan was supposed to be getting off that airplane any minute and you wanted to make sure he would see you right away. In your hands you have a large sign that says “Welcome Home Nathan!” along with a couple of embarrassing photos of him glued to the paper.

The woman at the gate announces to those waiting that the plane doors were beginning to open and the passengers would be out soon. Your heart raced anxiously, not only were you excited to see your husband after his amazing stint in Rio, but you had some news.

When the doors opened and people began to filter out, you spotted him instantly. Your heart warmed at how cuddly and snuggable he looked in his grey sweat pants and Nike jacket. You throw up the sign in your hands and shake it until he sees. When he sets his eyes on it he rolls his eyes playfully and smiles. Dropping the sign you immediately run to him to feel his arms around you, when he engulfs you in a loving hug you can’t believe how long you’ve gone without his touch and without his warmth.

Letting go of each other you look up at him, “I’m so happy your home.”

He gives you his beautiful big grin and places his hand on your stomach, “Me too. I missed you and this little one so much.”

“Actually about that… I have something I need to tell you.” At your words he takes a step back for you as if preparing himself for bad news, “Is something wrong?”

You shake your head with a smile, “No not at all. Her and I are just very proud of you.”

Nathan’s eyes widen, “Her?”

You give him a smile and nod. With that he picks you up and twirls you around in delight with word that you’re having a girl. He places his lips on yours and you can’t help but smile once again. You break apart, “I know we talked about waiting but it kind of just slipped out of the doctor’s mouth.”

“No, no. I’m glad you told me. Coming home to that and you makes those medals look like nothing.” He winks at you and grabs your hand. “I guess we have some more planning to do.”

He nods his head, “Right, but without a doubt she’s going to be the smartest girl at Berkeley.” At that you stop walking and cross your arms, “Nathan!”

He keeps walking and looks behind you, “Come on babe, don’t want to get left behind with that Stanford brain of yours.” Rolling your eyes you catch up with him and reach of his hand.

You both head out of the airport and home together discussing the retention rates of Berkley vs. Stanford and vice versa. You can’t help but feel as though giving up swimming for now was the best decision you could have made for what you were going to get in the future.

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to say, it's so refreshing to find an artist who like... how do I put this delicately... isn't a horrible person. So often I find amazing artists only to see them post some racist, transphobic, horrible stuff, or defend someone else who does it. I never feel safe following people because I'm terrified they'll post something that will make me cry. So, thanks for being super cool, and also good at art, I guess? You don't need to publish this, I just wanted you to know :)

It was interesting getting this because I’ve been feeling kind of the same way about a lot of things that have been in my feed lately; both by people I admire and especially some of my “friends” . It has lead me to give a lot of thought as to how I want to exist here.

I’m really glad that you feel that you can be safe and comfortable with me around. I hope I can keep being that person. There isn’t always a delicate way to say something about a person and it’s especially hard to be delicate about people who aren’t delicate with you.

I’m also really really happy to hear it.

I’m still pretty young and I’ve said some really stupid shit in the past that I am not proud of. I often come back to think about my ignorance and my stupidity. Everything from only putting male and female options on gender polls claiming people would “abuse” it if I gave it other options to deviantart journals belittling “girl gamers” for wanting attention for being women. Shit that in hindsight gets even dumber when you consider that I am a biologically female a-gendered ace working in the games industry.

I remember once, someone used my artwork of a Legend of Korra picture in post calling out other artists for whitewashing Korra, holding up my art as a “how to” on painting her. They said a lot of things that where just outright wrong (things like stating that other artists where painting her light skinned, when really most of the artists where painting her as dark as I was, but where using un-tinted undertones that beginners often use when painting white people, which made her look grey and therefor washed out). I absolutely hate when people write call out posts shaming amateur artists for not knowing enough about art. While I still stand by what I said about discouraging artists and making them fear making mistakes, I was so focused on the call out and defending these artists in them not knowing how to paint skin tones properly yet, that I missed a much bigger point, that while not overtly the original topic, was really what was going on. Why can an artist go for so long using the “white default colours”? Why are these the default colours? In a post about white washing, why wasn’t this part of the conversation? Why didn’t I notice? I think we all know the answer to these questions (and if you don’t, you should go learn). The original post got a ton of reblogs, mostly people agreeing with me that things we’ve never done before are hard to get right the first time, people who also missed the bigger picture. But then I got this one reblog, calling the whole thing out for how stupid it really was and it was a real turning point for me in understanding just how much I didn’t understand and how completely offensive, ignorant and racist it must have seemed. Later I would come to understand that it must have seemed offensive, ignorant and racist because it fucking was. That particular post was about half a decade ago and it took me a good 2 years to get actually get the extent of it. It was hard to believe that something so well meaning to me could also seem so terrible to other people living in a world that I had the privilege not to. That more than one world really does exist.

In the past a lot of people brushed these things off as other people “over reacting” and “small” when people called me out on it, but god how the small things build up. I’m glad to have been called out on it. I think I might still accidentally be a horrible person if they didn’t.

Sometimes I wonder if the shitty stuff I said in my past 13 years of being a loud mouth on the internet who can’t shut the fuck up for 5 minutes has made people cry. I wonder if I have hurt people who look up to me and people who trusted me. I probably won’t ever really know. I feel like I have a lot of people to apologize to and I will never really be able to apologize to them. I spend a lot of time feeling like a horrible person.

They say time makes fools of us all and time has made me look like a right idiot. I do truly take comfort that greater shall come after. I hope that this is true of the people who hurt you as well someday. I’m going to keep on keeping’ on and do my best to deserve the trust you have given me.

Thank you.

anonymous asked:

Forgive me if i seem slow, but i still don't understand the kudos/hits thing. I know having lots of kudos is a good thing, but isn't it more important that a lot of people actually read the fic? Like, for example, if a story has 15,000 hits, that means a lot of ppl read it. What's it matter if they leave kudos if you can clearly see the story has a strong readership and lots of comments? I guess i'm asking why kudos matter so much when a story's viewer count and comments are so high?

Hi, and it’s okay. Happy to explain, to the best of my understanding.

Hits don’t really tell a writer anything. All those hits could very well be people who clicked through to read, decided not to, and closed the window. Just because a lot of people click through doesn’t mean any of them actually read it all the way through, or even enjoyed it.

I’ve done this. Seen a link to a story that looked interesting only to then see one of the tags is a major Nope Issue for me and closed the window without reading a single word. Some Super Popular fics are like that. I mean, I’m probably responsible for at least 2 or 3 clicks through to T&S, but I never got past the first chapter as far as reading goes. Not my thing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, as I said in that other post you’re probably referring to here, multiple hits can come from one single reader. I mean, I’m one of those awful people who opens fics up in tabs to read later (I have nine currently open please save me from myself :P). Any time I close Chrome and it reloads, it generates another hit. On fics I haven’t even READ yet.

The proof of this is if you check your “History.” It says in a little grey bar below the fic when it was last viewed, if there have been updates to the fic since you viewed it before, and how many times you’ve viewed it (i.e. generated a hit on it). For example, this is a fic I read about 20 minutes ago, Stay, by @randomdestielfangirl. (go read it, it’s a lovely little 12.02 coda!)

But here’s the info on a fic I’ve had open in a tab for about a week:

I’ve only “opened” it once, but I had to close Chrome for various reasons (computer updates, whatever) and every time it’s reloaded, it generated another hit.

And here’s the one on The One With The Fanfic Competition, which is WIP by @tenoko1.

SEVENTEEN HITS? JUST FROM ME? Because not only have I read each of the 7 chapters (so far) when they were published, I’ve also opened it a few other times to comment, reply to comments back from the author, to get the link to give to other people, etc. All of those actions generated hits. So a hit count is a WILDLY inaccurate measurement of whether or not people are even reading or enjoying your work.

As far as comments go, most people who read do not leave comments. Some people are just shy and nervous about saying anything. Some people just don’t know what to say and are worried the author won’t appreciate yet another “I LOVE THIS STORY THANKS!” Kind of comment (hint: we love those kinds of comments). Some people don’t have time, or read it on a mobile device or a kindle and just… never get around to coming back and leaving a comment later (which, again would generate another hit that doesn’t really mean anything anyway).

And that’s OKAY! I mean, I get that! I don’t even leave comments on everything I read. Sometimes I just can’t for whatever reason. BUT AO3 IS AWESOME BECAUSE THERE IS A ZERO EFFORT OPTION HERE!

Like the thing? Read it all the way through? CLICK THE BUTTON TO SAY THANK YOU.

It’s ridiculously easy. It requires no interaction with the author. But every day AO3 generates an email with a list of all our stories that received kudos in the previous 24 hours. THAT IS LIKE MY DAILY CUP OF COFFEE AS A WRITER.

Hits are meaningless. Knowing someone actually read all the way to the end of the story, didn’t bail out, and hopefully enjoyed it? *CLICK*

IF YOU READ A STORY ALL THE WAY THROUGH AND DERIVED EVEN A MODICUM OF PLEASURE FROM THE EXPERIENCE IT COSTS ZERO DOLLARS TO CLICK THE BUTTON AND WRITERS EVERYWHERE WILL SING HYMNS TO YOUR NAME.

The kudos button is the tip jar that doesn’t cost you anything. It’s the THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS button. It’s the HAVE AN INTERNET COOKIE button. It’s the I APPRECIATE THE TIME AND EFFORT IT TOOK YOU TO CREATE THIS FOR MY ENJOYMENT button. Heck, it could just be the I ABSORBED ALL THE WORDS ON THIS PAGE WITH MY EYEBALLS button. We don’t really care how you think of it, but to the writer who spent hours/days/weeks/months writing that story you just read and enjoyed 100% free of charge, it’s kind of a dick move not to spend half a calorie worth of energy to click the lil heart button.

My dcbb this year (shameless self-promotion time! If you like fun, go read it.) has close to 2000 hits. Which is pretty good, because yeah it’s a really long story, and I know not everyone has the time to read a Really Long Story, but so far it has 98 kudos. So out of 2000 times it’s been opened, apparently only 98 people were appreciative enough of the fact that I spent six months writing them a novel-length story (101k words) that I charged them nothing to read, ONLY 98 OF THEM THOUGHT MY EFFORT WAS WORTH A WIGGLE OF A FINGER TO PRESS A BUTTON. It’s… kinda disheartening as a writer, you know?

Yeah, it’s also got 113 comments (and I AM SO SORRY I AM TERRIBLE AT RESPONDING TO COMMENTS Y’ALL I SWEAR I’M GETTING AROUND TO IT SOONER OR LATER!), which is incredible, but I don’t expect every reader to comment on every chapter. A “Nice job!” is nice to get once in a while, but really that’s what the kudos button was invented for. It’s SO EASY. WHY WOULDN’T YOU CLICK IT?!

See You in the Morning (Bumbleby)

It was a night as long as the universe was wide, and Yang had been awake for every single second of it.

“Starting to think maybe the sixth bowl of ice cream was a mistake.”

A lot of things, it seemed, had been a mistake. Like early-morning electives, to name one.

It was strange. Usually, Yang could throw herself into dreamland with all the subtle effectiveness of blasting a club’s bouncer through its doors – hello, yes, thank you, one dream about hunting down Grimm in the Emerald Forest, please, ignore the debris and I’ll be right on my way – but tonight seemed to be catching all her punches and requesting IDs she simply didn’t have.

And she’d tried every trick she knew, too. She’d tried counting sheep, but that made her not just awake but bored and awake. She tried relaxing her body, but all that did was agitate her brain, like all the nervous energy had to go somewhere whether she liked it or not. She’d tried counting the stars out her window, but that had made her feel like they were mocking her. About the only thing left to do at that point was to knock herself unconscious, and Yang wasn’t quite that desperate for a good night’s rest. Though, give it about two more hours …

“Uuuuuuugh.”

Another look out the window. Yang had heard that, sometimes, when their compasses weren’t working, those lost in the darkness navigated by the light of the stars. Maybe if she stopped counting and just looked at them for a while, she could trace a path between them. A path to someplace soft, quiet, and dreamlike. Someplace with snoring as ambient music.

And then a sea of stars and infinite blackness otherwise was replaced by a sea of stars and infinite blackness otherwise, and okay maybe metaphors didn’t always work but the point was that Blake was suddenly there, eyes like swirling space looking into her own, and Yang had almost just had a heart attack.

“WOAH!” Something something night’s silence something something cannon fire, and Yang came within an inch and slightly slower reflexes of falling out of bed. “Hey … Blake. Practicing your assassination techniques? Cause, uh, they came really close to working! Geeze.”

The night was still just as quiet as before. At least the view had improved.

“Eh.” Yang scratched the back of her head. Anything to get proper sentences out. “Couldn’t sleep either, huh? Misery loves company, I guess.” That was probably one too many sentences. Best to change subjects. “You, uh, wanna go do some sparring or something? Since we’re both awake.”

There was a glimmer in Blake’s eyes, and wasn’t it more like a gun at her hip? “Sparring, huh?” With a movement that was reminiscent of getting on a motorcycle and quite frankly impressive in her yukata, Blake swung her leg over to straddle Yang. “If that’s what you wanna call it …”

“B-Blake?” Either some new advances in grappling involving lips and necks had been found too recently for Yang to notice, or else this wasn’t the type of sparring Yang had been talking about. “What are you … oh, wow.”

Oh, wow, indeed, because there were very few things in the world capable of setting Yang on fire besides her own soul, and Blake was, so far, the first person to be diplomatic about the challenge. Her and a mouth that could move like the fantastic.

“Mmmm,” Blake practically purred against Yang’s pulse, and there was really no choice but to amend that to “diplomatic and hot as hellfire.”

“Blake, are you sure -” Only half the words escaped Yang’s mouth – the other half ran straight into Blake’s finger. And her smirk.

“Just relax.” Blake spoke in a low, breathy whisper, and Yang was caught between it and the feeling of lips moving against the blood rising to her skin. “Let me make you feel good.”

Half of that was going to be real easy, but that “relaxing” bit was going to be flat-out impossible. If Yang wasn’t going to get any sleep before …

Deep breaths. Deep and warm, like the summer ocean, as Blake’s lips left a trail of miracles in their wake. Everything Yang was, was … alive, suddenly. Growing and changing and, gosh, she suddenly couldn’t stop giggling, because, what else was she supposed to do with this?

Wonder, perhaps. Wonder, because the longest night in the world still had lightning bugs in it. Wonder, because there were constellations in the lines between billions of miles of empty sky. Wonder, because bedtime stories, maybe, just maybe, meant something after all.

Wonder at the shape of Blake’s lips.

And smile. Dust, Yang smiled. Oh, did she ever smile at the way the stars aligned, led her back home, because, unbelievably, incredibly, Yang Xiao Long was being kissed at the jawline by the girl of her dre -

Every inch of Blake-kissed skin felt, as sudden and apocalyptic as nuclear winter, so very cold.

“Blake.” The words were scarcely a murmur. “Stop.”

“Hmmm.” Blake’s kisses felt like spider bites. No pain in them, but the venom – it burned.

“I said stop.” Yang’s voice grew with her resolve, but even then it was a feat worthy of legend to push Blake off of her. “You need to stop.”

There was a silence, like the aftereffects of some large explosion. Disorienting, and a sensation almost like blood in the ears. Looking for survivors.

Blake looked at Yang.

Yang looked back.

She looked at eyes like stardust, a trail to the center of the universe. She looked at hair as black as midnight, something soft and private and somehow more real than the rest of the day. She looked at a face like the moon, breaking, scattering, and reforming in phases, a testament to survival, despite. She looked at everything she’d ever wanted in life, and never known she could have.

She didn’t want to say the words.

“You’re just a dream, aren’t you?”

There was a glimmer in Blake’s eyes, and wasn’t it more like a gun at her temple? “Afraid so.”

“Heh.” Yang reached up to brush some of Blake’s bangs from her forehead. Nothing seemed funny. Everything seemed cold. “Do you have any idea how heartbreaking it’s gonna be when I wake up and you aren’t actually there?”

Blake smiled wide. There still didn’t seem to be all that much funny. “As much so as all the other times?”

“ … yeah.” But there was the warmth – just a little of it. Just a few drops, pooling at the corner of Yang’s eyes. “Yeah.”

They kissed.

The night wasn’t nearly long enough.

Things Unchanged

Author: @xerxia31

Rating: G

More a ficlet than drabble :)


Our house is quiet when I get home from work, which is strange. Katniss’s car is in the driveway, but she’s not puttering in the kitchen. I imagine she’s out on the deck, enjoying the last of a truly gorgeous spring day. So I grab two beers from our fridge and make my way back to join her.

She’s curled up on the ridiculously overpriced (but admittedly comfy) loveseat she insisted we buy, reading, a soft smile teasing her perfect peach lips.

She hasn’t noticed me yet, so I pause a moment to watch her. Her bare legs, toned and tanned, are slung over the arm of the couch, painted toes swaying. She tucks a strand of raven hair behind her ear as she laughs at something on the sheets of paper she’s clutching.

Katniss is utterly captivating, her beauty exceeded only by her kindness and her loyalty. We have been best friends since we were children, and housemates since college, but I’ve loved her forever. She, however, has never given me any indication that she thinks of me as more than her best friend. And that’s enough, it really is. But I can’t change how I feel about her. God knows I’ve tried.

Keep reading

a hella long list of random lyric sentence starters (pt. 10)
  • "How did we ever come to this?"
  • "I never thought you'd be someone I'd have to miss."
  • "There I was, caught in your game..."
  • "If you're looking for forgiveness, you won't find that here."
  • "You can say you're sorry, but I still don't care."
  • "You're both to blame."
  • "I hope you know you're my last mistake."
  • "Don't come around and say you need me."
  • "I won't stay."
  • "Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely."
  • "It was a big big world, but we thought we were bigger."
  • "I started writing songs, I started writing stories."
  • "Only those I really love will ever really know me."
  • "Once I was 20 years old, my story got told."
  • "I only see my goals, I don't believe in failure."
  • "I got my boys with me at least."
  • "I hope I'll see you later."
  • "We've traveled around the world and we're still roaming."
  • "I'm still learning about life."
  • "I'm still sorry."
  • "Tell me what you want this to be."
  • "I just can't catch a break."
  • "I know what I want this to be."
  • "You're dragging things along."
  • "Do you feel like something's missing when your skin is pressed to mine?"
  • "All I ever wanted was a part of you that I couldn't break."
  • "We're in pieces now."
  • "All you ever wanted was a part of me that I couldn't fake."
  • "I have to let you down."
  • "I know I’m the one you want to forget."
  • "Baby, you were my picket fence."
  • "I miss missing you now and then."
  • "Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger."
  • "The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger."
  • "I am the best you’ll never have."
  • "Drink up, baby, stay up all night."
  • "I'll make you mine."
  • "I hate myself for staring at the phone."
  • "Kept all your texts, can’t erase them."
  • "I’d call you up but I know you’re not alone."
  • "I know that I should not hold on, so why can’t I let go?"
  • "I keep trying to figure out who you are to me."
  • "Maybe all that we were meant to be is beautifully unfinished."
  • "Your fingerprints are tattooed on my skin."
  • "You’re the one that I can’t lose; you’re the one that I can’t win."
  • "I hate you and I love you and I wish you’d go away."
  • "I hate you and I love you and I wish that you would stay."
  • "I think that you think that I'm half drunk."
  • "I know that you wouldn't fall for that."
  • "Shut up and take my hand."
  • "I don't wanna say goodnight."
  • "Hot damn, look at me now."
  • "I bet you never thought you would fall again."
  • "So much for keeping this 'just friends'."
  • "Shut up and kiss me now."
  • "I've done my part for twelve years now."
  • "I really wouldn't mind if we don't go anywhere, cause I've got you."
  • "You think my bruised knees are sort of pretty."
  • "I think your tired eyes are kind of nice."
  • "Have you got a lighter on you?"
  • "I really don't mind if we take our time."
  • "I've got a couple bottles of your favorite wine."
  • "I love everything that you've got."
  • "Would you be mine?"
  • "How can you joke at a time like this?"
  • "This is what you wanted all along now, isn't it?"
  • "I think that all you ever really ever wanted was a reason to complain."
  • "Those are her words, not mine."
  • "As far as I'm concerned, we could've had a good time."
  • "I guess there's nothing more to discuss."
  • "Girls don't call, and they never tell you why."
  • "Don't listen to my music."
  • "Don't lie in my bed."
  • "Don't listen to the references to things that you might have actually said."
  • "As far as I'm concerned, it could have been a lot worse."
  • "I wasn't trying to avoid the confrontation."
  • "She told me that I don't even try."
  • "Maybe you're right, maybe this is all that I can be."
  • "But what if it's you, and it wasn't me?"
  • "I'm fucked in the head, and my mind is turning into a whore."
  • "Maybe she's right, maybe I'm wrong."
  • "Maybe we'll fight 'til it move us along."
  • "You know that admitting the problem is the first step."
  • "Friends turned to wine-drunk lovers."
  • "I felt the strangest emotion but it wasn't hate, for once."
  • "Life is moving, can't you see?"
  • "There's no future left for you and me."
  • "I was holding and I was searching endlessly, but now there's nothing left that I can do."
  • "There is another future waiting there for you."
  • "They say people never change, but that's bullshit, they do."
  • "I do not think I would be here if not for them."
  • "With friends like ours, anywhere is home."
  • "Keep getting the feeling you wanna leave this all behind."
  • "I thought we were holding on, aren't we?"
  • "You and me got a whole lot of history."
  • "We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen."
  • "Let's drive around town holding hands."
  • "And ya need to know, you're the only one."
  • "I love you, babe, so bad."
  • "I'm hella obsessed with your face."
  • "I'll be your daydream."
  • "We could be beautiful."
  • "Say you'll never let me go."
  • "Take me back to a time only we knew."
  • "We could waste the night with an old film."
  • "You said you'd never ever break down, but here I am sweeping pieces off of the ground."
  • "You said you'd never ever play to crowds."
  • "I've spent all night long scared of tomorrow."
  • "Everything is almost lost."
  • "I never thought I'd be so fragile."
  • "We're fragile."
  • "You're the only sound that I ever want to hear."
  • "Give me your heart, and I'll give you my love."
  • "Tonight you look lovely."
  • "Let me wrap my arms around you."
  • "Let me take you home."
  • "I want you to myself."
  • "You're the only thing that I ever need to know."
  • "Our world is looking so bright."
  • "I'm a little bit lost without you."
  • "I had a feeling once that you and I could tell each other everything."
  • "I just wanted you."
  • "Something about you, it's like an addiction."
  • "Hit me with your best shot, honey."
  • "I've got no reason to doubt you."
  • "You keep coming back again."
  • "I'm certain that I'm yours."
  • "I adore you."
  • "I said I'd never miss you, but I guess you never know."
  • "I miss your early morning company."
  • "You are my favorite 'what if'."
  • "You are my best 'I'll never know'."
  • "What did it ever mean to you?"
  • "I wish I'd known how much you loved me."
  • "I wish I cared enough to know."
  • "I'm sorry every song's about you."
  • "The torture of small talk with someone you used to love."
  • "When I was younger I was certain that I'd be fine without a queen."
  • "Where we've been is who we are."
  • "Now all I do is wonder why we ever set the scene."
  • "It's such a shame that we play strangers."
  • "Damn, it's such a shame that we've built a wreck out of me."
  • "I'll remember nights alone and waking up to dial tones."
  • "Always found my greatest moments in the sound of your 'hello's'."
  • "Will you even know it's me?"
  • "Can we find a new beginning?"
  • "Do you turn the other cheek?"

anonymous asked:

I really need to ask this. Isn't Tao releasing like TOO many MVs? He just started and all I see are new photos and gifs from his MV-s or trailers... And honestly, I'm confused. He left SM because of his injury wasn't treated properly? I just think he's doing TOO much right now, everyday I see new gifs from interviews with him. Also, at first people were saying "he's so fake!" and now everyone is like "omg he's gorgeous" like wth? Tao's not my bias but I don' dislike him either. I'm just confused

He only has two MV’s, and Crown was filmed while he was still in LA, so it’s actually older footage of him from early Summer late Spring. 

Before he did any of that stuff, before he even left SM, he was in China resting (most Hailangs are 100% positive he was actually being dungeoned because they edited Tao out of the VCR for the Japanese fan meeting before Tao had even left SM Ent.). He wasn’t on any of their other performances, he didn’t even go to radio shows, which Tao was perfectly capable of doing even with a torn ligament. 

While Tao was supposed to be resting, however, he was left with no aid (as can be seen in the photos of him going to the pharmacy by himself to pick up medication). This is the same company that claimed they were so concerned with Tao’s health that they stopped his promotions altogether, including radio shows where he would have been sitting the entire time, and yet they let him walk around town completely alone??? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. 

Then Papa Huang’s letter came out, and Tao left for LA maybe two or three weeks later. So Tao was already resting for 1 month. 

While Tao was in LA he was to the point he could walk on his foot for short periods of time. He wasn’t doing anything extensive for the first two months he was even there. Most photos of him that were taken during this time were of him eating, actually. 

Tao said he was in the studio most of the time he was in LA. You don’t need to do anything super physical to make music. 

Then towards the end of Tao’s trip, maybe a month and a half in, Tao began working on choreo and filming his MV. This gave Tao at least 2 and a half months of real resting time. He was on a lax schedule, allowing him to sleep a good amount of time, eat healthily, remove stress from his job while he focused on his own things. You would be surprised at what a vacation with good eating and a good sleep routine can do for your health. Under SM, Tao never would have been able to get back up on his feet that quickly, and that’s the part people forget. 

When idols are under companies, they are sleeping 4 or less hours a night and eating maybe one meal a day while also doing incredible amounts of “hard labor” while maintaining schedules and not even getting proper medication because of this. We know how SM loves the IV drips. 

It’s actually not surprising at all that Tao was able to get back to work, and now he doesn’t have to worry about 11 10 9 other people’s schedules, but he only has to worry about his own. He is doing everything on HIS OWN time rather than everyone else’s. 

Does this mean I don’t worry when I see Tao with a packed schedule? No, of course I still hope he’s taking care of himself. 

But also look at the varieties Tao is doing. 

Most of his appearances have been in interviews. What’s so hard about holding a conversation with people and CLEARING HIS OWN NAME? SM never gave him that opportunity which is why he always got so much hate. They never protected him from rumors. They never valued him. 

Second, all this stuff from Real Hero was recorded almost two months ago. Again, it’s old footage. They’re just only just now airing. 

Now he’s gonna be filming with a little girl for a month playing as her dad. His varieties are more just fun and games. 

He had 1 concert, and he’s only been confirmed for one movie so far which won’t start filming until October. 

I can tell you this, you probably feel like Tao is doing a lot because SM never let him do anything before. It’s amazing what leaving a company that doesn’t care about you will do. It happened with Kris, it happened with Luhan, and it’s happening with Tao. These boys have had offers coming to them left and right that SM has repeatedly turned down.

Not only does SM not care about idols’ health, but they don’t truly care about their career’s either. =\ 

  • what she says: I'm fine
  • what she means: I'm still incredibly conflicted about The Hobbit trilogy and the entire commercialization of JRR Tolkien's works. I don't mean to say "ugh if you only watched the movies and didn't read the books then you are lame trash" because I think that there is merit in the movies as their own story and, even as an avid fan, I admit that much of Tolkien's writing can be very difficult to read. If you liked the movies, the video games, the board games, and all the rest of the stuff that came out of Peter Jackson adapting Tolkien's work, then i'm happy for you. If all that is true and you have no intention of reading Tolkien's works, then I still am honestly very happy for you. But I struggle over how certain aspects of Peter Jackson's adaptations change people's views of Tolkien's work. And yeah I get it it sounds very cry baby "my movie adaptation isn't word for word the details of my favorite book" but it's honestly more than that. Tolkien codified so many tropes and so many mechanisms so prevalent in modern fantasy where it's almost impossible to imagine how different modern fantasy would be without his presence, or if it would even exist at all. Every small change that Jackson made to the narrative had ripples in people's perception of fantasy and is changing the landscape for modern fantasy literature more and more as the narrative that the movies present becomes the base of fantasy and new writers keep choosing drier and drier plot molds to work with. Peter Jackson made an executive decision to make the Lord of the Rings movies about the race of Men and subsequently The Hobbit about the Dwarves, Elves, and Men, removing viewers from the hobbits themselves, the intended in-universe avatar for the audience. Throughout all of the movies there are dissonant undertones of hobbits being the audience's eye into Middle Earth and the story being overly focused upon everything else. The effects aren't as blatant in Jackson's version of the Lord of the Rings as Frodo and Sam's story arc is too pivotal to change too drastically, but from the removal of The Battle of Bywater and even to smaller details such as having the Siege of Osgiliath be the climax for The Two Towers rather than Sam's fight with Shelob all end up changing the final message of the stories. The Lord of the Rings movies tell the audience that to change the world you need to either be living in places of conflict or be chosen by the conflict to see it to its end, and that if you succeed nearly all evil will be gone from the world. But the books are much more solemn and show that we cannot live as a people divided in a single world; that events seeming far off will find themselves bleeding outside our front door. The books remind us that evil is never gone, and that once a knife is taken out there still must be healing. And even after the healing, things won't be the same they were. Jackson's telling of The Lord of the Rings is far more fanciful than the narrative it's based on; the narrative that revived fantasy itself in the modern era. And while this isn't a bad thing (the Lord of the Rings movies were phenomenal), we find ourselves in a state where new writers see how fanciful the movies are, take their own stories and make them grittier, only to end up with nearly the same thing that Tolkien wrote only without the depth and detail because no author can be as skilled as Tolkien. And new authors aren't trying to be him nor should they try to be because they have their own story. But the skewed sense of fantasy we have as a culture has left the whole genre in a hole that George RR Martin has only begun to dig us out of. And goodness if Peter Jackson only made the Lord of the Rings then we still would have this problem, but with the adaptation of The Hobbit I'm starting to become afraid that we aren't even close to being done with the problem. And obviously the struggles modern fantasy is facing can't ALL be attributed to Peter Jackson as him and his crew have done a remarkable job of rendering Tolkien's universe, but The Hobbit movies took everything bad about the fantasy genre and supplanted itself as the base of fantasy right out from under Bilbo's large hairy feet! There are narrative loose ends all over the place (What happens to the Arkenstone? The town of Dale? Who rules in Erebor after The Battle of the Five Armies?), the main plot of the movie was switched from being a quirky picaresque to about an unnecessary love triangle (two of the characters in the love triangle not even appearing in the original work), the Dol Guldur sideplot was ruined by effects that looked like they came out of a 2005 desktop knock-off fantasy game, and the final battle stretched out so long that people are left tired before it was half over. It seems like Peter Jackson put in every overused fantasy trope he could find into The Hobbit trilogy and now everyone's freshest memory of fantasy is more flimsy and broken than some of the worst fantasy novels coming off of he shelves. All this being said, I don't hate the movies. I love the movies and I love just about anyone else who loves the movies. But is this what Tolkien would've wanted? He said himself that he thought the fanaticism surrounding his works failed to take into account the literal millennia of history that are in his world that he spent his entire life working on. Tolkien's works act not just as stories to make us think about far away and fictional places: they're vehicles we can use to analyze the way we live as a people, to see our history in a broader sense. I'm critical of Peter Jackson's adaptions of Tolkien's work because I honestly don't think I would've found Tolkien without Jackson's movies. I struggle over the fact that these movies, despite my love for them, are likely exactly what Tolkien wouldn't want to see his series become. I struggle because more and more movies keep fantasy in the white-cishet-male-glorification-in-northwestern-europe gutter far past it's expiration date. I struggle because authors who try to write fantasy that doesn't take place in a medieval europe carbon copy get laughed at and ignored because publishers think it won't sell because "Fantasy is White". I struggle because my love for Tolkien was only possible by him being the standard bearer of a consumerist engine he abhorred and honestly I'm scared that Tolkien's memory will be trapped this way forever.