this is why we don't drink kids

anonymous asked:

How has Oliver not knocked up Trish? It has to happen at some point, it just makes no sense to me why it's taking so long. Just make her pregnant already, we all wanna see her with the BIG BELLY. You know they'll make great parents.

woah my dude Olly👏 don't👏 want 👏no👏 kids👏
How is he going to get party girl wasted every night, wake up at 12 barf his brains out, have a drink to get rid of his hangover, cry for and hour in the shower, drunk call Trish at work to ask her if she still “likes me likes me”, play call of duty with Rube, blast Motorhead, grab his Balaklava and voice changer, watch the hostages, fight with Ruca over who gets to hold the “cool gun”, get yelled at by the boss, off the pig, clean up, sober up, pick Trish up from work… WITH A SCREAMING BABY ON HIS HIP? I don’t think so 
Oliver is 24 and mentally not. Olly right now would be an awful parent and he know’s it. He doesn’t want to be how he and his mom were so he is very careful lol plus most importantly Trish doesn’t want that AT ALL.

RWBY RP Prompts
  • "Why can't you just swoon over your own weapon? Aren't you happy with it?"
  • "Are you.... robbing me?"
  • "Oh my god, you really exploded."
  • "I'm queen of the castle!"
  • "I still don't think that's what a sloth sounds like."
  • "For it is in passing that we achieve immortality."
  • "But why would I need friends if I have you?"
  • "There's no such thing as negative friends."
  • "Aren't you the guy who threw up?"
  • "Nailed it!"
  • "You came back!"
  • "Boop~!"
  • "I don't think sloths make a lot of noise."
  • "Do not hesitate to destroy everything in your path..."
  • "You're about to see a whole different side of me today."
  • "It's also a gun."
  • "Why hide who you are?"
  • "Can you imitate a sloth?"
  • "Off with their heads!"
  • "You're going on world-saving missions without us?!"
  • "You monsters!"
  • "Oh god, it's happening again!"
  • "I could've taken him."
  • "I'm hurt! Sad! Maybe a little hungry. That last one's not your fault..."
  • "I'm not trying to show off. I want you to know I can do this!"
  • "You called me friend! Am I really your friend?"
  • "I'm combat ready!"
  • "I don't have a lot of friends; but if I did, I'd want them to talk to me about things."
  • "That's why we're here! To make it better!"
  • "Great, the gang's all here. Now we can all die together!"
  • "Well that was a thing."
  • "Most people are born, but I was made."
  • "I don't need people to help me grow up. I drink milk."
  • "Banzai!"
  • "I think we can all say it's been an eventful evening."
  • "I wouldn't exactly call it a 'little' operation."
  • "You are not the brightest banana in the bunch, are ya kid?"
  • "Or we could ditch the beds... and replace them with bunk beds!"
  • "She's a hazard to my health!"
  • "You know, we really gotta stop meeting like this. People are gonna talk..."
  • "It's just that, you seem a little... NOT okay."
  • "YES! I love it when you're feisty!"
  • "Whoa, you can control poles..."
  • "I'm not the biggest fan of local law enforcement."
  • "I am not a crook."
  • "You just destroyed my favorite clothing store. Prepare to die."
  • "It is precisely this kind of ignorance that breeds violence!"
  • "Hey, we've got a plan! That's... moderately serious."
  • "Guess who's back?"
  • "Who's ready to fight for their lives?"
  • "Well the name's _______ Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, ladies love it."
  • "Why must your answer to everything involve a triumphant display of military bravado!?"
  • "What a freak!"
  • "Learning is SO MUCH fun."
  • "I can't dance, man!"
  • "This is the part where you lose."
  • "Spare us the thought of you procreating."
  • "Justice will be swift! Justice will be painful! It will be DELICIOUS!"
  • "Oooh, look at me! My name's ______! I know facts! I'm rich!"
  • "You can't even stop me!"
  • "Let me try! You can trust me!"
  • "You think just because you've got nuts and bolts instead of squishy guts makes you any less real than me?"
  • "Okay, yeah, when you say it out loud, it sounds worse."
  • "Get back in the bag."
  • "Don't worry. Things will be better tomorrow."
  • "What are you doing?! Do you have any idea of the damage you could have caused?!"
  • "You were worth every cent, truly you were."
  • "We'll break his legs!"
  • "Weren't you in a cult or something?"
  • "You really want to start making things up to me?"
  • "By no means does this make us friends."
  • "I can always be a farmer or something."
  • "You hardly look the part."
  • "Do you always break the law without giving a second thought?"
  • "I will seriously pay you to shut up."
  • "This is turning out just like the divorce!"
  • "I can see why your father would want to protect such a delicate flower!"
  • "Always sunshine and rainbows with you."
  • "Now, I'll be the first to admit, humans... are the worst."
  • "You can't sleep, you hardly eat, and to be honest, your grades have been suffering."
  • "If you don't get a date to the dance, I'll wear a dress."
  • "If I don't get doilies, you don't get fog machines."
  • "I see you're hiding at the punch bowl as well."
  • "Hey man, do you have a wireless password?"
  • "You may be fast, but you still excel at wasting time!"
  • "All you've been so far is a nuisance!"
  • "It's a combat skirt!"
  • "The innocent never run."
  • "I hate this game of emotions we play."
  • "I have a legacy of honor to uphold."
People are morons...
  • Guest: Excuse me but I ordered Grauburgunder. I have a very refined taste so I can tell you clearly brought me the wrong wine.
  • Me: I am so sorry. *walks back inside, and outside with the same glass, nothing changed* Here is the wine you ordered.
  • Guest: Now that's Grauburgunder! See I could tell right away you fucked up.
  • Me: Again I'm so sorry. [internally cackling like a maniac]
  • What the fuck...
  • __________________________
  • Guest: Excuse me, what does Iced Coffee taste like?
  • Me: Iced Coffee.
  • Guest: Oh... okay...
  • On the same note...
  • Fellow waitress (who has been working there longer than me): Do we sell vanilla ice?
  • Me: Let's see. What do we put in [insert name of a bunch of drinks with vanilla ice]?
  • Felow Waitress: Vanilla Ice.
  • Me: Did that answer your question?
  • ___________________
  • Fellow bartender brings food to guests and sets down the plates.
  • Kid: Thank you.
  • Father: Boy, let me tell you something: You don't have to say thank you when you are paying for it.
  • And people wonder why kids nowadays have no manners...
  • ________________________
  • Guest: Excuse me there is sugar in my Tequila. It tastes horrible.
  • Me: Oh my I'm sorry. Did someone put sugar in the salt dispenser?
  • Guest: No the waitress wouldn't bring me salt so I took this.
  • Me: You used the dispenser that is huge and clearly has sugar in it?
  • Guest: Yes. I want new Tequila.
  • Me: It is kinda your fault you know...
  • Guest: No the waitress wouldn't bring me salt. What was I supposed to do??
  • Me: I dunno... NOT put sugar in your drink???
  • Guest: You are very impolite I wanna talk to your supervisor.
  • Me: You are talking to the supervisor.
  • Guest: So can I have a new drink?
  • Me: If you pay for it.
  • ________________________
  • Guest: I can't pay for the drinks I had.
  • Me: Well you have to pay because I sure as hell ain't gonna.
  • Guest: I don't have money.
  • Me: Maybe you should have thought about that before you ordered 6 beers.
  • Guest: But you have to understand... I took cocaine.
  • Me: Oh. Now it all makes sense. You don't have to pay.
  • Guest: Oh thank goodness.
  • Me: I wasn't serious.
  • Guest: But... cocaine... you know...
  • (I am not making this up.)
  • __________________________
  • Guest: There is bees outside. They are everywhere!!!
  • Me: Yes I can see that.
  • Guest: Do something.
  • Me: I am sorry I forgot the magic word that lets me control bees.
  • Guest: ...
  • On the same note...
  • Guest: DO SOMETHING THERE IS A BEE NEAR MY TABLE!
  • Fellow Waitress: I am sorry. You are welcome to go inside and eat there.
  • Guest: I don't want to go inside. DO SOMETHING! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BEES!
  • Fellow Waitress: Well I obviously gave birth to them, that's why you think I can control them but they grow up so fast... they won't listen to a word I say.
  • _________________________
  • Guest (to my former boss): Excuse me but I don't want a black person to be my waiter.
  • My boss: And I don't want racists eating at my reastaurant. Get the fuck out and never come back. Ever.
Abusive Conversation With Parent
  • I've been in therapy for almost two years now and I have a much better understanding of love, abuse, trust, boundaries, what I want and what I need. I stopped all contact with my mother who's been the worst but I kept the window open with my dad, giving him the benefit of the doubt, hoping I had at least one parent I could talk to.
  • Growing up, my dad was physically abusive and drunk for the most part. When he was home it was only when he was hungover. He disappeared from my life for almost ten years after they got divorced in the early 00s and for the past couple years we've been in touch. Now that he's in his late 50s he drinks less and seemed to be more enlightened. Since going no contact with my mom for about two months now, he's been sending me messages everyday wishing me a good day, telling me he loves me and preaching god - even though he knows I am an atheist. I never trusted him and today, after getting one of those morning messages I told him they make me uncomfortable. The conversation went kind of like this...
  • Dad: Good morning I wish you a wonderful day and a relaxed weekend. I love you, you're everything to me. May god be with you. I love you, I love you.
  • Me: I'm sorry dad but these messages are making me uncomfortable. I would like to talk about when I was a kid and you used to beat me up.
  • Dad: I never hit you! You imagined everything. Maybe a couple times I gave you a little spanking but it was for your own good.
  • Me: No dad, I remember it vividly. I remember screaming asking you to stop. Maybe you weren't sober, I just need you to acknowledge it so we can have an adult conversation about it. It's the reason why I don't trust you.
  • Dad: Listen to me, I never hit you. Never ever. These are lies your mother told you about me. And I've always controlled my drinking. You're an adult now so you make your own choices but I never hit you. I pray for you everyday and I'm gonna pray for god to enlighten you because I never did that! Goodbye my daughter, it makes me so sad because I love you so much.
  • Me: Love is about honesty and respect. It's about listening to each other, it's about -
  • Then he blocked me. This has been going on all my life, only before I would go back there and just not talk about it so I wouldn't upset him. But it's different now.
  • Posting this in case you relate. You're not alone.
  • - Crazed Love.

HALLOWEEN (?) SPECIAL WITH FATE/POCKET DAN! (Page 7)

Jokes of sharks and British, everything we need to make this comic a success!
(I have no idea what to add as a summary for this page…)

I thought they were just going to do a small meal, not a banquet. But ok.

Daily reminder that Lava Cookies are rice crackers (senbei). Well, at least they had some nori in the house, so not everything is lost.
And why would you use a Lilligant for seasoning? Because why not.

First | Previous | Next (SOON™)

  • APH South Italy: Oh my god. Food. FoOD.
  • APH Germany: Yes, I have returned. But not so fast. Now I just have to thaw the meat, season it, and grill it. It'll just be a few more hours.
  • [everyone groans]
  • APH Japan: I believe that your guests are getting a little antsy.
  • APH Germany: Fine. I'll skip a few steps and speed things up.
  • APH North Italy: Is there at least something to drink?
  • APH Germany: There's beer in the cooler.
  • APH Japan: What about for the children?
  • APH Germany: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer.
  • APH South Italy: Why don't we just give the kids water?
  • APH Germany: I suppose you could do that! Now would everyone back off and just let me cook in peace?!
BACK TO THE FUTURE SENTENCE STARTERS

“Damn! Where is that kid?”

“If they can’t dance, they can’t kiss. If they can’t kiss they can’t fall in love, and I’m history.”

“We’ve already agreed that having information about the future can be extremely dangerous. Even if your intentions are good, it can backfire drastically!”

“If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”

“ I’m sorry, but the only power source capable of generating 1.21 gigawatts of electricity is a bolt of lightning.”

“You’ve been asleep for almost nine hours now.“

“Great Scott!”

“My density has brought me to you.“

“ It’s gonna be really hard waiting 30 years before I can talk to you about everything that’s happened in the past few days. I’m really gonna miss you.“

“Well, I figured, what the hell?”

“You look so familiar to me. Do I know your mother?”

“What-what the hell is a gigawatt?“

“Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her!”

“Please excuse the crudity of this model. I didn’t have time to build it to scale or paint it.”

“No, sir! I’m gonna make something of myself. I’m going to night school, and one day, I’m gonna be somebody!”

“He’s an idiot. Comes from upbringing. His parents are probably idiots, too.”

“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”

“Whoa. This is heavy.”

“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t drink.”

“I guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it.”

“Calvin? Wh… Why do you keep calling me Calvin?”

“Better get used to these bars, kid.”

“Maybe you were adopted.”

“The-the-the bruise on your head, I know how that happened. You told me the whole story.”

“He’s a very strange young man.”

anonymous asked:

So I'm in 8th grade and I know a lot of kids have probably already lost their virginity and that makes me kinda sad ??? We're forced to grow up so quickly and I just want us to be kids we're 13/14 why can't we just be kids why do we have to smoke and drink and have sex and I know we don't have to but I know a lot of people feel the pressure to and it just makes me so sad and hhhh

i know….. i really hate the normalization of sex and romance in our society that’s forced on us from such a young age, so kids think they should be in serious relationships at like?? 12 years old???

apparently society can’t let children be children

  • Suicide... When one commits suicide, they are hated and judged. I've always wondered why... Why does someone even care if another committed suicide? Lets say I'm going to kill myself. Why would you care if I died?
  • "Oh don't do it! We'll miss you and others will be hurt!"
  • But what if I don't want to live anymore? I have to force myself to live and suffer for your selfishness? Ok say I don't die. I live. Where's my friends? The so called friends and family that wanted me to live on so badly? Don't people know once I die, I would finally stop suffering?
  • Years later I realized why people get angry and hate suicidals.... They got the easy way out while the rest suffers slowly on this ugly planet called earth. That's why. We are hated. They fear death and try their best to live to the fullest by drugs, sex and drinking booze till they puke. Kids these days don't care how they get famous anymore. They're hungry and desperate. Once we grow old and our bodies start to rot... Non of it would matter anymore. 💜💀
Send me a number and a ship!
  • 1: "We accidentally switched phones and your taste in music sucks"
  • 2: "Our shitty friends locked us in this closet hoping we'd make out, let's trick them"
  • 3: "This is the zombie apocalypse let's save the freaking world and make out"
  • 4: "You're the leader of this rebellion and I'm you're right hand man"
  • 5: "I'm pregnant will you go get me peanut butter oreos. What do you mean you can't get those at 4am?"
  • 6: "I'm your kids teacher and they told an extremely inappropriate story about you in class"
  • 7: "Someone walked in on us having sex and ran away screaming what the fuck do we do?"
  • 8: "We've been dating for years but our friends think we're just friends and have been making bets on when we'd get together"
  • 9: "My kid broke your nose, but you're kinda hot"
  • 10: "We were both kidnapped and we've got to get the hell out of here"
  • 11: "I'm calling you really drunk right now, can you pick me up a city over?"
  • 12: "I broke into your house thinking it was my sisters boyfriends house, that's why I broke your Tv. Please don't call the cops"
  • 13: "I dumped my drink on the wrong guy, how about I buy you one and I won't throw it on you?"
  • 14: "We're on a double date with our best friends; also known as the sappiest grossest couple ever."
  • 15: "I'm a cop and I'm here because your neighbor thought you were screaming bloody murder but you were just yelling at the TV, can I watch with you?"
  • 16: "We're both at this awful wedding, do you want to cause chaos?"
  • 17: "Your number was in this library book, which is a stupid idea, but I'm texting you anyway."
  • 18: "I'm a master hacker, you're a cyber crimes cop, yet I fell in love with you"
  • 19: "We started dating to piss off your parents but we accidentally fell in love"
  • 20: "I know that guy is my soulmate, but I'm in love with you"
  • 21: "I kissed you to steal your wallet, but ended up calling your number because you kiss so well"
  • 22: "After way too much tequila I tried to hook up with you but instead you tucked me in and brought me coffee in the morning"
  • 23: "Our kid is going to her first prompt, and I'm going to scare the living shit out of her date. Wanna help?"
  • 24: "I'm a doctor and you're in my ER for a stupid injury acquired through a dare"
  • 25: "During a loud fight in public I yell 'I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU"
  • (Establish Swan Queen. No-one knows but them but they're bored of secrecy. They walk into the diner, kiss and sit down with matching grins)
  • Regina: Do you think it worked?
  • (Emma looks around spotting several shocked faces)
  • Emma: I think so. Hey Ruby! Can we get some coffee please?
  • Ruby: ....uh....what?....yeah sure so you two?
  • Emma: Yep
  • Ruby: That was so not your first kiss
  • Emma (smirks): Nope
  • Ruby: Knew it. Belle owes me $50
  • Regina: Only $50 dear?
  • Emma: That's your issue?
  • Regina: Well if she's going to bet Em she may as well have made some decent money
  • (Emma and Ruby laugh before the latter goes to serve another customer)
  • Leroy: So is this a trick or a curse?
  • Regina: No
  • Leroy: Emma?
  • Emma: No trick. I just love her
  • Leroy: Well good luck to you sister
  • Regina: Really?
  • Leroy: I know what it's like to have people tell you you can't be with the one you love. I say go for it.
  • Regina: Well then thank you Leroy.
  • (Henry wanders over having thought it over for some minutes)
  • Henry: So when Emma came over for breakfast she really just stayed over?
  • Emma (blushes): Yeah kid
  • Henry: Does Ma make you happy?
  • Regina: Very much dear
  • Henry: Ma?
  • Emma: Your Mom is my happiness kid
  • Henry: Cool. Does that mean you guys will stop pretending that Emma's leaving and we can all just be a family?
  • Regina: I'd like that
  • Emma: Hey if you'll have me.
  • Charming: So you and Hook?
  • Emma: Drinking buddies. Nothing more.
  • Regina: If you were Tink would kill you
  • Charming: Why? How?
  • Emma: I don't know Dad. We just sort of grew closer over the last year and well one thing led to another and we fell in love.
  • Charming: And you...you love my daughter?
  • Regina: With all my heart.
  • Charming: If you hurt her-
  • Regina: Charming. Trust me I never could.
  • (Snow enters with an unknowing smile practically dragging an uncomfortable looking Neal and she waves excitedly before walking over to the booth)
  • Snow: Regina. Emma! Look who I ran into!
  • Emma: Oh my what a surprise? Hey Neal.
  • Neal: Hi Emma. Hi Regina.
  • Emma: We just kissed so you're free of the secret.
  • Neal: You guys finally stopped chickening out?
  • Snow: What?
  • Regina: Thank you for keeping our secret Neal
  • Neal: You're welcome. Kid want to get lunch?
  • Henry: Sure. See you at home Moms.
  • Emma: See ya kid.
  • Regina: Love you Henry. Have a good time.
  • Snow: What?
  • Emma: Dad can you catch her up?
  • Charming: Sure. I imagine we'll be talking later
  • Emma: I don't doubt it. Thanks Dad. Regina want to have lunch at home?
  • Regina: I'd love to. Charming when you've caught her up you're both welcome to come to dinner
  • Emma: Really?
  • Regina: They're your parents dear. They're welcome.
  • Emma: I love you
  • Snow: Wait. What?
  • Regina: I love you too Emma. Let's go home.
  • (They walk out hand in hand as Charming sits Snow down to explain)