this is why i spend time on the internet

Mikael as an important character in Sana’s story

OK so, after my post remarking how prominent Mikael was in “FY FAEN”, I started to wonder “why?”.

“Why would Mikael go from being barely visible, teasingly so almost, to so ‘in your face’ in the space of one episode?”

It’s not just because Julie is trying to remind us we’ve seen him before: she knows we spend our time on the internet analysing every frame of her show, she’s knows we’re tech-savvy, she knew the minute NRK would update their profiler page we would start looking up the characters and making the connection with Mikael (if we hadn’t already, I’m guessing she knew most of the core fandom would know about Mikael coming back already, the sudden influx of followers on Yousef Hjelde El Mofty’s instagram was indication enough, we also know Mari and Julie regularly look up the SKAM tags to take the pulse of the skamily).

But even if for the non-internet fans, the casual viewers, keeping Mikael gently in the background would have been more than enough to later pull the rug
and go

“Tadaaaa! Even’s best buddy, Mikael! You should have known! He was there all along but you didn’t notice!”

So, to me, it’s not just Julie teasing us about Mikael and his connection to Even.

And that’s when I realised that every season is from the main’s POV, this season is no exception.
And who is becoming more and more prominent in Sana’s POV, while Yousef is progressively seemingly falling from grace? Mikael.

@darker-sooner​ pointed out the frame above to me and how there are two main characters in it: Sana and Mikael (also, in terms of the position of the characters, Sana and Mikael are turned towards each other in this picture…they’re still not really looking at each other though, that will come later)

My reasoning is that, from a directing standpoint, having Mikael progressively take more and more space in the frame equates having him take more and more space in Sana’s life.
For now, she’s not really looking at him. She’s interested in Yousef. Mikael is still background. But even in the background, she’s starting to notice him more.

My theory is that we will start seeing them interact and be in each other’s “backgrounds” more and more.
Maybe next time it will be a “hi” exchanged on camera.
Maybe after that a sentence or two.
I’m not yet certain Mikael will definitely be a love interest for her. But I really feel like he’s going to be an important person in her life in this season.

I was speaking to the lady that works for Make-A-Wish and she said that back in the day when they started the Make a Wish charity people always used to want to go meet Robert Downey Jr. or Jack Sparrow or go to this crazy thing but recently the people that they get asked to hook people up with the most are YouTubers. And I was wondering why and the girl said that because most of the young people that are part of Make-A-Wish spent most of their time in hospitals, dealing with their illnesses, they obviously spend a lot of time on the Internet and then would naturally stumble across YouTubers. And when they have lots of time in hospitals, going through all these treatments or recovering from things, YouTubers are the people who they spend their time watching instead of stuff in the cinema. You know, simultaneously that’s so like… it’s heart-warming and it’s nice and then it’s also kind of sad. But it just really make you kind of happy that a) such an amazing charity is there, doing things but then also for YouTubers, you know, like Markiplier who does so many - he’s amazing obviously for a billion reasons - but whenever me and Phil get to do it, it’s just such a nice thing.
— 

@danisnotonfire during his live show on the 14th of February 2017

Quotes from Dan (30/?)

One of the many reasons I love YouTubers. It’s also a perfect example of the amazing impact their content have on the people watching.

anonymous asked:

What our your feelings on All Might and Deku? Both as Mentor and Student, Father Figure and Son Figure, and just as a character relation in general. I personally find it one of the most touching mentorships in the show, and I guess that's the point as they are center stage. (Just give us all of the hugs Hiro. Let Izuku hug skeleton dad)

All Might and Izuku’s relationship

Oh no Anon, what have you done, sending me an ask about one of my favorite subject in BNHA? Do you like to read my overthought endless answers that much? I’ve taken quite the time to write, so I’m late for this one and all the others in my inbox. Sorry; I hope this sorta long appreciation post will take you some time to read and make the waiting more tolerable. All Might and Izuku’s relationship is one of the best written and touching I’ve ever had the chance to read, and let me tell you exactly why I think that. 

Izuku spent most of his life admiring All Might and identifying to him. There’s no such a thing he ignores about his heroic achievements. Even though he was quirkless, he looked up to him, so much he considered applying for UA, the high school where All Might went. What Izuku wants to do is ‘save people with a fearless smile’, just like All Might. His room is filled with All Might’s goodies, and kinda like us, Izuku spends time on the internet rambling about his idol and making theories about his eventual quirk. All Might has been present as an image in Izuku’s mind practically his whole life. However, like the rest of the population, he knows close to nothing about All Might’s previous life as Toshinori Yagi. All Might, because of the secret he’s carrying of One for All, is just known as All Might. In fact, his personal identity as Toshinori Yagi was almost lost when he became the Symbol of Peace. Only Gran Torino and his best friend Naomasa Tsukauchi know about his previous identity and are still kinda close to him. Well, only Tsukauchi is, and all the odds are they barely see each other at all outside of their work. All Might doesn’t have any family because of his status; those two are what are more close to a family to him. Despite being the strongest hero, All Might is alone. He’s carrying this burden by himself and hasn’t allowed anyone close to him, probably because he doesn’t have time to do so, because he does’t want to endanger anyone he might cherish, and because he knows about his fate more than anyone and didn’t want to establish any relationship that may have caused a lot of pain. Nana Shimura had an husband and a child; her husband was killed, and she separated herself from her kid because it was too much of a danger for them. After those tragedies, Nana was killed herself, and all the pain it must have caused All Might probably dissuaded him to get close to anyone. He raged against All for One, almost killed him and was barely killed himself. His health deteriorated, and Nighteye, his sidekick at the time, tried to persuade him to retire so he could prevent his foretold death. All Might refused and took his functions back, because what could he do other than that? Being the Symbol of Peace is all that there is about him, if he can’t be this strong pillar anymore, he can’t find any purpose and will be left with nothing but regrets. He left Nighteye and continued his duties, being more and more bitter about his health and how little he could do now. And then, he met this weird kid who stuck himself on his leg just so he could talk to him, and poured his heart out in front of him. And the first thing he did was rejecting him and telling him to give up. What were the odds for this kid to jump in shortly after in a situation where All Might himself was hesitating over? What were the odds for All Might to find his inspiration back because of this quirkless kid who made him remember who he was and why he was doing all of that? We often see how All Might changed Izuku’s life, but just consider how meeting Izuku has changed All Might’s life as well.

When they met, Izuku and All Might were both alone. Izuku as a quirkless kid rejected and denied by others, and All Might as the Symbol of Peace who couldn’t allow himself to be close to anyone. Sure, he was looking for a successor, but I’m not convinced someone else than Izuku could have inspired All Might so much, and give him another purpose in his life. Izuku keeps surpassing All Might’s expectations, and each time, All Might grows more and more fond of this boy who seemed so weak at first but is, in fact, more heroic than anyone. He’s genuinely impressed by Izuku, and keep discovering new sides to him. Their relationship clearly evolves through the manga and is becoming more and more personal and loving. Honestly, I’ve never seen such a beautiful relationship deprived from any struggle for authority and power. Izuku and All Might immediately bonded: after the Sludge incident All Might rushed to Izuku to apologize for making light of him, and finally tell him what’s gonna turn their lives upside down ’You can be a hero’. After that, Izuku spent ten months training under All Might’s supervision, and so they gradually became accustomed to each other. Izuku never lost his admiration for All Might, but because they’ve been hanging around and getting used to each other, they built up strong foundations for their relationship. The best way to get close to someone is spend time frequently with them. So even though it was presented to us through an ellipse, Izuku and All Might actually spent a lot of time together and were already pretty accustomed to each other since the beginning. I like that Hori made it that way so the rest of the story is used to unfold their relationship and how it grows up to be even more strong because the bases were already built since chapter two.

Even through that ellipse, we were shown some characteristics of All Might, like how careful, supportive and kind he is, and how much of a dork he can be. All Might is someone who is very gentle, and that’s probably what I like the most about him. He’s the strongest hero, so he could be intimidating if he wanted, but surprisingly, despite all the power and authority is in charge with, All Might is still very gentle and benevolent. He keeps praising Izuku, encouraging him and being amazed in front of him. And as things go on, All Might truly becomes a doting parent. Once Izuku was admitted to UA, he went to look at how things were going hidden behind a wall and thinking how cool Izuku was. In Ultra Archive, on Izuku’s presentation page, it’s All Might who’s doing the little commentary on him. And it’s just so cute, you can tell how fond he is of Izuku.

All Might truly cares about Izuku’s upbringing, and is doing his best to understand and answer what he needs. Because of that, All Might can make mistakes and fail as a proper teacher because he’s too preoccupied by Izuku’s well being and isn’t being fair and objective. All Might isn’t handling Izuku’s education perfectly, and he doesn’t have any issue admitting it and trying to improve, particularly about Izuku’s relationship with Bakugou. When I see All Might behaving like that, I truly wish he could be a model not only as a hero but as a parent as well. Like Inko Midoriya, All Might truly values Izuku and respects his decisions, while not agreeing on everything and taking time to talk with him about different issues they’re concerned with, because his opinions and thoughts are also important. They share and come to decisions together; if you take Todoroki and Endeavor’s relationship to compare, you’ll understand how important it is that Izuku and All Might are on equal grounds. After that, their relationship progressed steadily, and I’m not gonna comment all the times All Might was amazed by Izuku and his progression.

What I liked from the beginning is how there’s mutual affection and care in their relationship. Izuku also tries, in his own way, to protect All Might. At USJ, he knew All Might was actually injured and couldn’t keep up the fight. So even though it was dangerous and painful for him, he jumped in and protected his mentor. When All Might is known to be safe and sound, Izuku is sincerely relieved. 

It already didn’t matter that All Might wasn’t strong and perfect all the time; Izuku protected him and looked up to him anyway. It truly made me notice how much Izuku already valued All Might as an actual person and not just as his idol, and how it was opening up the path to a more family-oriented relationship. All those times where Izuku thought of All Might, wanted to talk to him about his improvements and share stories with were also a casual and daily way to build up their upcoming relationship as a Familial bond. 

What truly changed their relationship to what is it now was their reunion after the Kamino incident. All Might and Izuku met up, and All Might scolded Izuku for putting himself in danger once again. But then, he let him know he was relieved that Izuku was alright, and took him in his arms to comfort him. It’s such an intense, moving and heartbreaking scene to witness. As it was the end of All Might, it also truly was the rebirth of Toshinori Yagi pledging to take care of Izuku, to devote himself to him. His role now isn’t to take care of society anymore, to be a Symbol of Peace and a pillar. This All Might is no more. His role now is to take care of Izuku and nurture him, so of course their relationship just took a new turning point. This scene was so powerful, and probably made all of us cry from the pure distress, fear and love in there, it was overwhelming. So much emotions were colliding and making both of them cry as well. They were relieved they were alright and at the same time, they couldn’t help what was lost forever and fear the consequences awaiting for them.

After that, Toshinori meeting Inko Midoriya was such an heavy and intense scene where the two people who care the most about Izuku confronted about his future. It was amazing. It made Toshinori considered Izuku in a new light too. When Izuku brought the letter Kouta wrote to apologize and offer his thanks to him, Toshinori truly realized that Izuku had already become his own person who could find reward in what he had done by himself. This realization came with so much pride and admiration for Izuku I was myself astonished of how much Toshinori loves Izuku. He adores Izuku, and it’s so important for him to continue guiding him and being present in his life he actually did a dogeza in front of Inko Midoriya and offered his life as a counterpart. His pledge was so powerful Inko felt on her knees, because Toshinori was groveling on the ground and begging her so he could continue to nurture Izuku. This boy is so precious to him he offered his very own person. Not as a hero protecting society, but as a guardian, as a parent cherishing his child.  

After that, it kinda desolates Toshinori to be ’the one being protected’ now, but the man has done so much until now, he really deserves his rest. As this new father figure, it’s gonna be hard on Toshinori to just watch Izuku from afar and can’t do anything to help directly. But now that their relationship took this path, there are gonna be plenty of things for them to do as well. At first, Toshinori really need to open up to Izuku more because there are still a lot of things they need to talk about, and too often Izuku was left in the dark about some issues that disturbed him. The very existence of Mirio and the possibility there was for him to inherit One for All took aback Izuku; and this kind of situation already happened too often and it’s not a good thing. Once he learned that, Izuku was so preoccupied he did poorly in class, and in the end rushed after Toshinori to confront him about it. 

So there’s still plenty of room for their relationship to develop, particularly about Nana Shimura, Toshinori’s past, and his and Izuku’s future as well. It’s still pretty unclear what Toshinori’s fate will be from now on. Nighteye foresight told him he was to die a gruesome death, but all the moments Toshinori pledged he was planning to go on living, in front of All for One and Inko Midoriya, even after losing his powers, we can’t tell for sure what’s gonna happen. 

Toshinori was planning to die, to let go of his life and wasn’t afraid to do so once his duty was done. But then he met Izuku, and all of his plans changed suddenly. He couldn’t allow himself to die anymore because Izuku was here. And I’m not gonna pretend I have the precise words to tell exactly how beautiful this is. He’s not ready to die for Izuku; he’s ready to twist his fate and live for Izuku.

Izuku really became the reason for Toshinori to find a new purpose in life, and to actually hold on to his life. Their relationship is wonderful because it’s flawed and improving for that reason, and is overflowing of mutual affection and admiration. So I truly love their relationship. Toshinori is also my favorite grown up character of all times, because he still grows and improves, still meets people and changes path, still is an awkward and loving doting parent who wants nothing but the best for Izuku. He also shows that adulthood isn’t the end of the road, that making your dreams come true doesn’t mean you live happily ever after and your life’s interest kinda over. It’s important to convey it in a shonen such as BNHA; it makes you identify with older characters as well as you grow up, and proves that even if youthfulness is represented and idealized everywhere as ‘the most fun and important part of your life’, it’s not the only time you’ll be developing yourself, meet important people in your life and chose new paths and purposes for yourself. As you grow older, there’s still plenty of room for you to improve, change and take on new challenges. It doesn’t make you bitter about adulthood. How could you be bitter when you see such a dorky adult as Toshinori? Izuku surely truly isn’t, as their relationship can witness, and really, it’s no wonder why.

The reason why I love otome games so much:

Society: You’re socially awkward. You should try making friends. The way you laugh is weird. You need to lose some weight. Get a boyfriend. Don’t spend so much time on the internet. Study more, relax less. Your outfit sucks. No one will ever love you if you don’t start acting friendlier. That test was so easy, how could you fail it? You look so tired, it’s repulsing. What’s wrong with you, can’t you speak properly? Stop complaining about being bullied, there are people that have it worse than you!

Me:


Voltage inc. men:

Me:

This is my healthy obsession.

Because, each time you make me feel worthless, lonely, abnormal, or insecure, I find relief in these words of comfort. Because, whenever the truth of my existence tries to tear me down, I’ll always have my dreams, my fictional characters, and my little otome world. Because, despite being stuck in this shallow, judgemental society, I know that I can freely swing from a universe to another. Because I am given the opportunity to live inside my head, away from you.

Oh, you think I am detached from reality? You’re wrong. I am deeply, emotionally, and entirely connected to the reality of my own feelings, my own pleasure, my own self… I am blind and immune to your idiotic rules, your typical expectations, your mocking laughter, and your unjustified insults. I choose to  acknowledge the people, things and activities that make me happy. I choose to convert reality as I enjoy it, turning it into my own happiness. I am a human being. I am able to create my own reality.

“Don’t ever be ashamed of loving the strange things that make your weird little heart happy.”

Otome games make me happy. It’s as simple as that. 

This is a post of appreciation. Voltage, thank you for putting a smile on my face, whenever I feel sad. :)

(That ended up sounding more dramatic than I expected. But I hope I am not the only one that feels this way. xD) 

3

I’ve creeped around tumblr without a blog for a long, long time now. I don’t really know why but recently I felt it was maybe time to get a blog myself after all, since I was spending so much time here anyway. I don’t know how long it’ll last – I don’t have a good track record with any kind of social media. But for now I’ll keep this little corner of the internet for myself. Which is not the point at all.

Around New Years I picked up the first of the All for the game series and since then devoured all of the books, read all of the extra content, re-read the books a couple of times and then obsessively checked for new fanfiction every day. I don’t think I’ve had a book (or books) that inspired me to draw as much since I read the Silmarillion. Since I mostly picked up the book because I saw @defractum post about it I only felt it was right that the resulting art went to her and she was kind enough to post it.

Normally I would keep it at that. Buuuuuut it kind of really annoyed me that the format didn’t really work with tumblr. So I revised it a little bit and since I’m here now, I’ve asked @defractum if it’s ok to post it again and she was awesome and said yes ^^ So here it is. Nathaniel to Neil over the ages.

(also can I say how creepy it is that the middle one looks so much older than the other ones even though I used the same base???)

anonymous asked:

can i ask why you think lin manuel miranda is racist?

alright i’m just going to @ everyone who replied to my original post here bc it’s a lot easier then replying to everyone separately

@hamiltrashtothemax @wysteriahysteria @its-the-hamfam @shitinhamilton @sly-the-loser @kanadianwithashippingproblem @hethinksourpantsarehot

aside from the fact that he wrote an entire musical that is basically a fanfic glorifying slave owners. like actual, real life slave owners. who owned black people.

he also has said the n-word. so like ? no excuse for that

also re: not responding sooner ? sorry that i have work and a life and can’t spend all my time quickly replying to racists on the internet

Monsta X Reaction #19 - Their s/o cusses when they normally don’t

anon asked: Monsta X reaction to their s/o accidentally cursing (he/she doesn’t curse normally)? Thank you! :)



Hyunwoo: You two would be walking down the street when some guy made some vulgar comment to you. He’d tense up but was going to ignore him and keep walking when you instantly whipped around and cussed him out for being disgusting.

As shocked as Shownu was, he’d see how mad that guy had made you and be disappointed in himself for not standing up for you instead of letting you do and say something you’d normally never do.

He wouldn’t know how to apologize so he’d act a bit weird towards you until you asked what’s up with him. He’d rant about how he felt bad for not protecting you and how sorry he was.

He’d make it up to you any way he could and would feel horrible about it for weeks.

Originally posted by garisanee

Hoseok: His extra ass would be standing there with his mouth and eyes both wide open, gasping loudly as he’d back away from you.

“JAGI?? Did that dirty word just come from MY JAGI’S mouth?!? What happened?? Are you feeling sick?!?”

He’d feel your forehead with his hand and when you’d bat his hand away saying you were just surprised and it slipped out. He’d still be so shocked that he’d bring it up periodically through out the rest of the day, shaking his head at you in disbelief.

Originally posted by wonho-be-mine

Minhyuk: Some people you worked with didn’t like you very much so they went out of their way to ruin your day even in the littlest of ways.

You’d finally make it home but you’d just keep replaying what happened over and over until you finally snapped and started ranting to Minhyuk about how horrible they were. He wouldn’t even have the time to be shocked at you calling your co-worker a ‘bitch’ as you continued on, pacing back and forth as he silently took in all the information.

When you were done and felt a little better he’d kiss you and give you a back rub, feeling absolutely horrible that you were so upset about this. He’d try and help you come up with whatever solution you liked best to get rid of that stress, even if it meant quitting your job and starting over fresh.

Originally posted by kihyunmonstax

Hyungwon: You’d be walking in the park when a seagull swooped down closer to you two then either of you expected.

Hyungwon screeched as he ducked low to avoid the bird, hearing you screm “Shit!” as you did the same thing.

“Y/n!!” He’d pop back up laughing once the bird had gone, “You cussed!! Oooh, I’m telling Shownu!!”

“Hyungwon! It made me drop my fries!! It was an automatic reaction, don’t tell him!”

“I’m telling!” He’d run away from you then, smiling at you playfully until you ran forward and knocked the ice cream out of his hand. He’d stop dead in his tracks, suddenly serious, and he’d stare at you as you laughed at his pained expression.

“Y-You know how it feels now Hyungwon! That’s what you get for being a tattle-tale~”

“That…was incredibly unnecessary Y/N. That was just mean.”

Originally posted by babywoon

Changkyun:

*I.M’S REACTION IS SMUTTY AND NSFW, DO NOT READ I.M’S REACTION AND PLEASE MOVE ON TO JOOHEON AND KIHYUN’S IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH SEXUAL SITUATIONS*

You didn’t even realize that word slipped out of you. You were so lost in everything I.M was doing, the feel of his hair in your hand, his tongue slowly moving along your entrance, his deep, low humming vibrating your clit as he moved to softly suck it

You tugged his hair a little in encouragement and you came, hard, when he gave a low, guttural growl in response.

“F-fuckk Changkyun…”

His head popped up from in between your legs to smirk at you evilly, one of his eyebrows quirked up in question.

“Baby girl you’re going to have to watch that language around me or I might loose myself in you completely. You’re being an awful bad girl, cussing like that for me but… Damn I want to hear that again though. I want to be the one making you say things you’d never even dream of saying… You know where this is going, right?”

Originally posted by jonginsbias

*okaay I’ve never written anything the least bit smutty before so please forgive me if it was bad. Idk what came over me…Jesus save me lmao

On to Jooheon!!

Jooheon: You both got scared easily so it was no surprise that the other members would do everything in their power to scare you two as much as possible.

You two were absorbed into your own world as you walked into the room that Kihyun was in. When Kihyun jumped out and screamed ‘boo!’ Jooheon started screaming and the combined words “shit!fuck” came out of your mouth.

“YAH KIHYUN!” Jooheon would recover immediately and hit Kihyun’s arm angrily. “YOU SCARED Y/N SO BADLY THAT YOU MADE THEM CUSS!! What are you going to do to make it up to Y/n?? EH??”

Originally posted by timetoemptythetrash

Kihyun: You had been on a live chat with Kihyun when one of his anti-fans started bad-mouthing him for dating you.

They didn’t shut up even after Kihyun respectfully asked them to stop and you finally got frustrated to the point where you felt like you would explode.

And then you finally did. “Listen up you little shit dick, we’re dating and we’re happy so instead of going out of your way to ruin someones day why don’t you go and try to find some happiness of your own okay? You’ll just be sad forever if you spend your time trolling people on the internet all the time. It’s just sad.”

Kihyun would end the chat as quickly as he could, apologizing if you had offended anyone and shutting off the camera. He turned to you and immediately collapsed into a fit of laughter.

“I’m strangely proud of you jagi! I didn’t know you were so passionate about our love.” He’d smile for hours afterwords and no doubt would tease you about this for the rest of your lives.

Originally posted by 93kihyun


A/N: Because I got a crap ton of monsta x requests right before I closed my ask box (and had none before) I decided to do some of the Monsta X reactions inbetween the other ones I’ve gotten. This way I have more variety instead of doing a bunch of BTS reactions, then a bunch of Monsta x, and then a few other groups. I’m just mixing it up!! Lol I hope nobody minds. I’ll get everything done asap I promise.

anonymous asked:

i really liked your meta about sansa/littlefinger but i found out you ship sansan :/ don't you think that what he's doing to her is at least a little bit abusive? sexually and emotionally? their relationship is SO disturbing and creepy, he's a grown ass man clearly sexually & romantically attracted to an 11/12 year old girl, WHY would you ship it???? i don't understand.

First, thank you for liking my meta.  Here’s the thing… I wrote that meta based on textual analysis and in response to how the book community discusses Sansa’s complicated and conflicting feelings toward LF.  Many people mistakenly believe this is Sansa becoming his protege.  I did not write it with the intention of telling some shippers why they are “wrong.”     

As far as shipping goes, I’m a very ship and let ship person.  This is even when, and especially when, it’s a ship I find weird or distasteful.  I stay in my little sandbox and I don’t pay attention to (let alone try to police) what other people want to ship.  I’m too old to be barking up that tree.  I’d rather spend time writing metas or my own fanfic.  Now if I actually am going to argue with anyone on the internet, it’s going to be about the actual ASOIAF text with evidence to back up my position.  Even then I’m highly unlikely to seek out such a debate but on a rare occasion some land on my doorstep.  So…

As to your questions, let me start with the age issue first.  Let me be clear in real life such a relationship would be criminal and immoral, as it should be.  But this is a fictional world where there are vastly different ideas of what is age appropriate.  Remember, the proper way to raise your seven-year-old boy is to take him to a beheading and make him watch everything without flinching (and that’s from our beloved Ned).  I have yet to meet anyone who cried child abuse over this or stopped reading at that point.  So I don’t put too much emphasis on chronological age in questions of morality in the series.  

What I do look at is Sansa’s level of maturity and understanding of relationships and sex.  I do care about her agency.  I don’t ship Sansan (or ship her with anyone) in the early books because she’s still mentally a child and an abused prisoner of war.  I want her to come to her own decisions about what she wants at her own pace, on her own terms.  The good news is GRRM does too.  He rightly separated them at the night of the Blackwater to evolve independently, but parallel to one another.  Alayne II in AFFC is my favorite chapter of this transition to womanhood and maturity, contemplations on sex and love from a young woman’s perspective. 

 I would highly recommend this non-shipper essay on Sansa’s Sexual Maturation by sweetsunray that deals with the unkiss and Sansa figuring out what she wants. (pssst!  It’s Sandor).  A large part of her struggle is coming to accept the fact that what she does want is not the ideal as she always believed it would be.  The books are full of people just wanting who they want and it has nothing to do with the ideal standards.      

Do I think Sandor is abusive to Sansa? Like Joffrey and Littlefinger are abusive toward her?  No.  Definitely not.  I think he was at times impatient and frustrated with her superficiality, naivete, and immaturity.  He’s too uncompromising and overly harsh at times with the truth as he sees it.  Yet, Sansa is not afraid to challenge him when he’s being awful.  She is totally afraid of saying the wrong thing in front of Joffrey or Littlefinger.  

The only reason Sandor cares at all about her is that she cared first.  She responded to his secret, his vulnerability with compassion.  For once in his life, someone took his side after the system rewarded his brother and failed him.  It’s not at this point anything romantic or sexual for either of them.  He responds to her compassion by being protective and supportive through her abuse.  She reawakens in him a desire to be better.  He’s a jaded idealist, not a nihilist.  He does seek out her attention because he does crave a connection with someone, even if he can’t people around her.   He doesn’t want the intimacy to end because of his loud and clumsy mishandling.  He’s also frustrated with himself that he even wants a connection in the first place because he hates/fears the vulnerability that comes with it.  He’s a ball of conflicting emotions about her that he has no experience in how to sort out.  It’s very important that Sandor is written as someone who is as inexperienced in relationships as Sansa.  It levels the playing field between them.    

It’s not until Sansa has obviously started developing into a woman that he even notices her in that way (because the whole castle has).  He’s very drunk and he blurts out the inappropriate comment about her body.  It’s a very bungled attempt at flirting coming from someone who is also very emotionally stunted.  BUT… after talking with her he realizes that mentally she is still very innocent.  He knows it’s wrong, so he backtracks out of there as fast as he can, falling into an awkward silence.  That is the very worst of anything sexual that actually happens between them and he backs off.  Even the night of the Blackwater he is very drunk and his behavior is scary and wildly inappropriate, but it never crossed the line into permanent damage.  He never actually did anything sexual to her. He also could have forced her to go with him, but he did not.  She made her choice, it hurt, but in the end, he respected her decision to not go with him.  Do I think maybe he wanted to kiss her?  Yeah, probably.  But he didn’t.  He is not Gregor.  He is not a rapist.  He cares about her autonomy.  He cares about her consent even if he kind lost his mind (from trauma) for a minute there which he really, really regretted.  

This all says problematic to me, not creepy.  There are issues to overcome.  Good!  Bring it on!  That makes a story.  Littlefinger is creepy.  He totally does not care about her consent, boundaries, or discomfort to say the very least.  Men of all different ages have groped her, forced kisses on her, stripped her, beat her, and have attempted to rape her.   

If you don’t ship Sansan that’s totally fine by me.  If it doesn’t speak to you, that’s cool.  Ship and let ship.  I will say Sansa x whoever shippers are probably going to be very disappointed come TWOW.  All the mountains of text evidence point to future Sansan.  I got a huuuuuge meta coming out soon that deals with all that complete with tons of evidence to back up my analysis. Bottom line, I ship future Sansan because GRRM ships it and Sansa ships it.  Whatever makes that baby girl happy I want her to have.  The good news is when the author reunites them it will be when they are both really ready and have dealt with the respective issues that made an earlier relationship a terrible idea.                             

lovinglaurens  asked:

akshsisv pls share ur autistic alexander hamilton headcanons with me??? I want to write him in my next fic!!!!!!

aahhh

- volume control? whos that? never heard of her
- stim toy goblin with 9 drawers full of Stim Stuff
- [flops near a person] lie down on top of me for 6 hours please
- gets stuck in an activity…spends 8 hours popping bubble wrap if u let him…
- whats “stopping doing x to eat”? never heard of her
- time is fake so its ok to stay up until 7am and then sleep til 4pm
- yknow whats a good time? peace and quiet
- echolalia….Internal and Vocal…
- a Tone? On MY Internet? It’s More Likely Than You’d Think
- alternatively, That Sure Is a Tone, But Which One? Idk But I’m Anxious and Ready To Fight Now
- You Said We Were Going To Fight and I am Here But You’re Not And I’d Like to Know Why You Would Just Tell Lies on The Internet?
- [repeats lines from whatever hes writing out loud for 4 straight hours] [someone else reads the thing he’s writing like 8 hours later] “ohhh……that’s why…”
- gives good n firm hugs
- looks like 3 inches to the left of anyone he talks to
- headphones (is anything playing? we don’t know but they sure are on)
- [cuts off the arms of strangers if Touch occurs]
- Gullible? Me? ……..Yes, Definitely, But I Feel Called Out and Defensive Now
- same song on repeat for 5 weeks. “can we listen to something else” “no” “but” “no”
- AUTISTIC SAMEFOODING….like 2 things he will always default to if hes gotta Eat and he cba to think abt what to make
- dont touch his food he’ll Cry
- If I Pause Writing To Eat I Will Never Finish Writing So I Can’t Take A Break, Sorry
- sarcasm is fine from 4 and half specific people. the rest of them? Hmm
- abrupt nonverbal shutdowns that seemingly come out of nowhere
- routines but like. in a way that are not very obvious to other people? like his sleep schedule is a MESS but if u take 1 piece of broccoli off his plate before he has the chance to eat? he Will cry. He Was Going To Eat It Now Everything Is Messed Up. Forever.
- trouble making friends bc 1. whats the point of other people and 2. difficult they dont Understand
- [creeps around the house on his toes and doing the Autistic Raptor Hands]
- “hmm whats this” [puts it in mouth]
- a Gender? In MY House? I Dont Think So!
- [repeats the same thing 9 times in a row] WHY ARENT YOU LAUGHING/PAYING ATTENTION
- [teddy bear/inanimate object gets Hurt] oh no….o hhn n oo,,, ,.. oh nn n o o,,,.
- bad sensory feeling: [occurs] him: [Angry Flailing]
- if he likes u he will message u nonstop. it’s 4am? too bad. heres a picture of 2 birds in a swing. look at him go, liking all ur facebook statuses and tweets.
- i could go on. forever.

Visualization and Spell-Casting

A Tip for Secret Witches or Witches with Minimal Supplies

Introduction

When I was first starting out with witchcraft, I didn’t have that many fancy supplies or extravagant herb and crystal selections. Hell, there were times when I was lucky to just have a white candle.

So, being a baby-witch of about 14 years old, I tried to research ways that I could cast all of these cool spells I was finding on the internet without needed to spend the little money I was given from my parents on supplies. And then I was introduced to the Visualization method.

Spells and Ingredients

Now, before I go into the details of it, let’s look at why spells even have ingredients or supplies. Each ingredient or item serves a purpose. They are a catalyst for your energy. They are a way for you to focus your energy. Rosewater, for example, is often used in love spells because people associate roses with love. So, when you use it, your mind (and your intent) basically go “okay, this is going to boost the possibility of drawing in love with this spell, since this ingredient basically means love.” However, people who wash their faces with rosewater or use it as a simple perfume don’t necessarily draw love to themselves. The ingredients aren’t inherently “magical”, the witch provides the magic. The witch is the one who takes the natural power that resides in these ingredients and uses them to their potential.

So, are ingredients truly necessary for a spell? Or can you just will it to happen?

Some witches may not need ingredients at all. They may have mastered bending reality to their whim and will things into happening. And for those witches, good for you! This post probably won’t be very helpful, nor do you need it, if that’s the case.

However, if you’re like most witches who need something to cling to to help make their spell more concrete and tangible, thus making it easier to put into existence, keep reading.

What Does This Have To Do With Visualization?

If a spell calls for certain ingredients, just visualize having them. Imagine having that priceless athame you’ve been coveting. Imagine having piles of quartz, or crystals that may be dangerous to handle in real life. Imagine having any herb that you may need. Imagine any vessel that you may need.

Now, this is definitely pretty tricky to do, and may take some practice, so start out small.

Practice

Imagine a cup resting on a flat surface in front of you. Imagine a jug of water next to it. Take your time to really visualize these items however you want them to look. Then, once you feel confident in that, try picking up the cup and the jug. Physically move and try to touch them. Imagine how they feel. Are they smooth, bumpy, slippery? Does the liquid inside the jug make the outside cool or warm? Which is heavier or harder to lift: the cup or the jug?

Keep practicing this with different objects until you get to a point where you feel you could imagine anything. Now you can cast any spell with any ingredient without the need to break the bank or reveal your secret!

painted-quinn  asked:

Hey love! Could you do a short fic on the Make A Wish organization calling Murdoc up about a kid that wants to meet him? I love how you write Murdoc, so I knew I had to come to you! <3

This one was really fun to write, I’m just sorry it took so long to get it out here!

Also, this is kind of a longer one.

—–

Murdoc was woken up by his phone ringing, and it was much earlier than he was used to getting up. Grumbling, the bassist tried to ignore the ringing, however it was impossible to. He was laying on his stomach, his head turned on his pillow so he was facing away from his phone. Rather than adjusting himself to make it easier, he simply reached over and groped around for the device. After retrieving it, he answered it and brought it to his ear.


“Yeah?” He grumbled, shifting so his face wasn’t pressed into his pillow at all to allow him to speak clearly.

“Good morning sir. This is Barbara from the Make A Wish Foundation. I’m just wondering if I’d be able to get a hold of a Mr. Murdoc Niccals, or someone who would be able to relay a message to him?”

Murdoc was still half asleep and having trouble comprehending anything being said to him, however “Make A Wish” certainly caught his attention, and he sat up to try and wake himself up more.

“This is him.” He replied, then cleared his throat a little. He knew quite well he likely sounded like he had just woken up.

“Oh, wonderful. Mr. Niccals, we currently have a young boy who made a wish with our foundation, and that wish is to meet you. We were hoping that you’d be able to set something up to meet him.”

The bassist took a moment to comprehend what had just been said to him, and a look of surprise came to his face when he realized the question.

“There’s a kid who made a wish to see me?” He echoed. Normally he’d be more cocky about a fan wanting to meet him personally. After all, he was Murdoc Niccals, who didn’t want to meet him? However, this time was different.

“That’s correct, Mr. Niccals. Do you think you’d be able to set up a time to see him?”

“Well, uh yeah I can do that.” He replied quickly, briefly thinking of whatever schedule he had lately. He figured he be able to move things around when he had things going on, and by that he meant telling the other band members he had something going on and let them handle it. “I can make anytime work, just tell me when and where.”


—–


Murdoc left the house quickly, a guitar case in hand in one hand and his keys in the other. He hadn’t even told the rest of the band about this, all he had said to them was that he wasn’t available for anything today, and he had told all of once about a week ago.

He opened the door to the back seat of the car and tossed the guitar case inside before getting into in the driver’s seat and starting up the car. Once the car was on, he pulled out of the driveway. As soon as he was on the road, scenarios of the meeting began to run through his head. The young boy had specifically requested him, and Murdoc really didn’t want to disappoint him. He hadn’t even had a drink before he left, so he was completely sober.

The car radio played quietly in the background, but Murdoc hardly heard it, instead focused on his thoughts. Time seemed to be non-existent, and before he knew it, he was pulling up to the hospital and parking his car in the lot. He got out of the car and grabbed the case he had put in the back seat, then made his way to the building.

As he walked in, Murdoc was a little surprised to see there were no cameras, however he welcomed this fact. As much as he loved publicity, he felt this should be a more private affair. He began to make his way over to the elevator. The bassist had been given the room number and ward ahead of time, so he really just had to find his way around to the right room. He pressed the button in the elevator that would take him to the right floor, then read over the directions he was given again.

Before he knew it, the lift stopped moving and the doors opened allowing Murdoc to step out and wander around. It didn’t take him long to find the room where the boy was located, and he knocked on the door once he approached. It was only once he tapped on the door that his nerves began to act up, however he didn’t outwardly show it. He simply cleared his throat and kept a stoic face. Within a few seconds, a woman Murdoc perceived to be the mother of the child he was to meet opened the door to see who was there, and the expression on her face immediately let him know she was thrilled.

“Oh my god, it’s so good to meet you. Thank you so much for coming, he’ll will be thrilled.” She informed him, then ushered him inside the room. “Someone’s here to see you!” The woman called just as Murdoc moved in and saw the boy sitting up on his bed. A large grin grew on Murdoc’s face as the boy spotted him and lit up.

“Hello, there. Heard you wanted a visit from Uncle Murdy, so I thought I’d drop by to meet up with you.” By this point, the boy was absolutely ecstatic, and the excitement was rubbing off on Murdoc. All his hesitation and nervousness was thrown out the window, and he quickly felt like himself again.

“Murdoc, you’re really here!” The boy shouted happily. The older man nodded, approaching the bed and setting the guitar case down in an empty chair beside the bed.

“Of course I am, it was your wish, wasn’t it? Can’t leave you hanging there now, can I?” The bassist was caught off guard by a hug from the boy, who had gotten out of bed. For an instant, he just stood there looking at the child but quickly regained himself and patted his back.

“You’re so awesome!” The child happily informed him as he let go and went to sit back on his bed.

“Well thank you, that’s very nice of you to say.” A large grin had returned to Murdoc’s face. “I think that you’re pretty awesome, too.” That got the boy beaming again, and it warmed the older man’s heart and made him feel happy.

“Say, how’d you like a bass lesson? I brought one over here, thought you might like that.” He asked, gesturing to the case he’d set down. The boy nodded eagerly in response, so Murdoc opened the case up and pulled out the bass. He then proceeded to hand it over to the child and got him all set up by showing him how to hold it. The instrument was a little big, and the older man couldn’t help but chuckle a little as he watched the small boy trying to hold onto the bass that was obviously too large.Once the child was holding the instrument more steadily, Murdoc helped to show him how to play a chord.

Murdoc then stepped back and watched as the boy tried to play the chord he was shown. When he struggled, the bassist stepped in to help out but let him be independent for the most part. His smile only grew when he heard the chord played correctly.

“Hey, that’s it right there!” Murdoc told him encouragingly before showing the boy another chord. The child caught on more quickly this time, so the bassist continued to show him how to play the instrument until he could play a short tune. The look on the boys face when he played the tune put a large smile on Murdoc’s face, and he couldn’t help but feel proud.

The rest of the day was spent like that, simply relaxing, giving a private lesson, and talking. Murdoc completely lost track of time, and only realized he had been there all day when the sun began to set, giving the room a yellowish glow. He took a quick glance down at his watch.

“Is it that late already? Listen, I guess I should I should get going.” As he got up and excused himself, he felt bad that he’d have to leave the kid. He glanced back towards the bed where he’d been sitting all day, and the boy still had a large grin despite Murdoc having to leave. “I’ll catch you again some time, yeah?” He asked, and got a large grin and a nod in response. “Good.”

“I really can’t thank you enough for coming by, it really means a lot.” As he turned to leave, the voice of the boy’s mother made Murdoc pause and look at her. The grin on his own face returned.

“It was my pleasure, Love. Really, I had a good time.” He replied in a happy tone, then turned to leave once more.

“Mr. Niccals, what about your bass? Don’t you want that back?”

“Huh? Oh, that? Nah, you can keep that one, brought it just for him.” With that, Murdoc gave a little wave and left the room.

—–

It was late in the evening when Murdoc finally made it back to the house he shared with the other members of the band. After parking the car, he made his way to the door of the house and entered quietly. He really just wanted to go into his room and have a cigarette there in peace, however his plan quickly changed when he saw Russel, who had apparently heard him come in.

“There he is, the changed man. Have a good day?”

Murdoc simply frowned a little when he heard Russel talk. “Changed man? What’re going on about, Russ?”

“You spent the whole day with that kid, didn’t you?”

“Wha- how did you find about that? And is it really so shocking that I’d want to go spend time with a sick child?”

“Yes, and there’s a video out on the internet. Kinda went viral, so it’s hard to miss when it’s over everyone’s feed.”

Murdoc scoffed, then shook his head. “Shame on you, Russel, I love children. Why do you think I kept Noodle?”

Russel simply rolled his eyes. “Just saying good on you, man. It was a cool thing for you to do.”

Murdoc was quiet for a moment, and he simply began to walk away in order to get to his room. However, as he passed by Russel, he muttered a quiet thanks.

Guys, as you can see, Vidme links work perfectly in the main browers using a PC/Laptop (and in the iPhone, I checked it too). 

For posting videos, Vidme is the fastest web I know, so for the moment I still will use it. The other website I use takes twice as long for doing the same thing, and I have another things and duties to do in my personal life, so I can’t spend a lot of time for this. 

I can’t know why the links don’t work for few people (just few people, because the rest can watch it perfectly). But you have to understand that, if they don’t work, it’s not because the link I give isn’t working; it’s because of the browser (maybe not updated) or the dispositive you’re using for it. You have to figure it out where or how to watch it. 

As I always say, try to open the link in another browser (Chrome, Firefox, Safari, Internet Explorer). 

I’m sorry.

Hello! I’ve created this poster as an announcement that I will not be offering my work to clients that approach me with empty pockets in the future. I did it in the past, mostly after finishing my studies on Illustration, but now I understand that this does not help our profession. I’ve come to the realisation that the best way to practice and promote ourselves is through developing personal projects, creating our own stories and then, why not, edit them ourselves. If customers don’t arrive right away, that’s fine! The key is to draw, draw, draw and create from within ourselves, so that we can give our best out there.

From now on, I’m expecting to receive only paid offers. If none arrives, I should focus on my personal projects, or even drawing under a tree. I will also limit the time I spend on the internet, as I’ve discovered it absorbs way too much of my time. There is something dark and magnetic going on with social media, something that draws me from my creative process, and I don’t like it at all. From now on, my time here will have a concrete purpose. I’m sharing this letter just in case someone feels similarly, or gets any inspiration from it. Big hug to everyone!! :)
We have to break up... (Raphael)

Prompt:

   It was an unfortunate circumstance, but it was simply inevitable. College was pricey in New York and takes a long time to complete, especially for what you wanted to go for. But there was a small glimmer of hope; there was a community college in your home town that cut the completion time in half and was still accredited.
    
   There was just one problem: your hometown was six states away.

   This unfortunately made the possibility of a long distance relationship an impossible option. Although you would be living with family, you felt like you had an obligation to contribute to the household and would be working during your summer and holiday breaks; and of course the turtles couldn’t just hop on a plane to see you either, especially with your college being so far away. There wouldn’t even be anytime for the two of you to communicate online either; there was the time zone difference to worry about, plus the turtle’s patrols were always irregular and hard to schedule around, especially if they happened to run into a Foot patrol. Then there was the possibility of enemies finding out where you were. If they were to hack into one of your e-mails and find out where you were currently living, there would be no way the turtles could come save you. You would be putting yourself and your family in danger. There was no other option…

   You had to break up.

Raphael:

   As soon as you broke the news, Raphael immediately started to come up with ideas and plans on how you could make it work. You knew he would but you were ready for it. Every suggestion he made you had already asked yourself; none of it would work.

   “College kids get breaks don’t they?” He asked. “Why can’t ya just come back and visit?”

   You couldn’t help but sigh. Every question made your heart clench a little tighter. “I have to work during the summer and my family will want to spend time together during the holidays.”

   There was a low grumble emanating from his throat and he shifted his weight. “Okay but, there’s the internet. Or I could call right?”

   This one would be the hardest to explain to him. It would be easy, using face-time or even texting. But there was just one glaring problem with it.

   “Raph, what if the Foot trace the call?” The moment you mentioned the enemy clan he frowned. “Or what if they hack my email? If they find out where I’m at, you can’t help me. I’d be putting you and my family in danger.” It was the one thing you couldn’t allow. If the Foot got your family, you weren’t sure if you could keep the turtle’s secret. As much as you loved Raphael and his family, you loved your family too and would do anything to save them. You would hate yourself if you ever parted with sensitive information about him to the enemy, regardless of the reason.

   “Hey, c'mon. You know I’ll protect you,” He tried to smile and bumped your arm with his elbow.

   “Six states away though Raph?” The reminder of just how far you would be made the smile disappear from his face. He seemed to shrink away from you and his eyes hardened.

   “Yeah…yeah, you’re right.” He mumbled. The giant mutant turtle stood and began to pace back and forth.

   It was clear as day that he was upset about this. Anytime he started to pace it meant he was starting to bottle things up. Usually all he would need to do is beat something, or someone, up and then he would be ready to talk more about it; but this was a completely different situation. Who knows when he would want to talk about it again, if ever. Originally you wanted to keep the relationship going until the day you had to leave, but with how upset he was that may not be the best choice. You could feel your heart squeeze from the idea of ending it now, but if it was what he needed you would respect that. After all, you were the one leaving.

   “Raph?” You could see his eyes dart in your direction but he kept pacing without a word. You shifted in your seat, trying to figure out a good way to say it; but really, there wasn’t a good way. “Do you…just want to end it now?”

   “What?” That made him stop in place. His jaw was tense, clearly in an attempt to keep some unsavory words in his mouth, along with the rest of his body. It was his bright green eyes that showed the hurt.

   Just looking at them made you feel guilty for the suggestion but this had to be done. “I mean, if it’ll be easier for you I’ll understand,” you paused for a second so you could collect yourself. “Or uh, if you want…we can just hang out? Until it’s time?” You tried to blink away the tears, not wanting him to make a decision based on guilt.

   For a long time he just stood there, his muscles slowly relaxing as he weighed the options. He looked around the room, trying to avoid your stare as much as possible. What was only a minute felt like hours until he finally spoke. “Yeah. Sure,” His head began to nod until he finally looked at you. “We can still hang out.”

   You couldn’t help but smile at the answer. Without knowing it, your arms were around his neck as you hugged him tightly. The familiar feeling of large arms enveloping your body surrounded you as he returned the hug. You closed your eyes and pressed your cheek against his.

   “Thanks Raph,” you whispered before planting a kiss on his cheek. He squeezed tighter at the kiss and it pained you to pull away; but you still had a lot of work to do back home. You kept your hands on his massive forearms and smiled. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

   There was a weak smile on his face, but a smile nonetheless, “Yeah. Sure.”

   “Alright! I’ll see ya then,” You patted his arms before leaving quickly; the sooner you got out of there, the less time he had to rethink his decision.

   The moment you were out of sight, Raphael let out a loud sigh. His hand ran over his bandanna as he walked over to the main room of the lair. He could hear Michelangelo following him and braced himself for the onslaught of questions his little brother would no doubt berate him with.

   “Well that looked tense,” Michelangelo grinned.

   Raphael tried to ignore him at first, hoping the the orange-clad mutant would read the air even if it was a long shot. He sized up one of the punching bags, tapping it lightly with his two knuckles before starting his warm-up. There were so many knots in his stomach, his blood felt like it was on fire, and every fiber of his being felt like it was shaking.

   You wanted to break up. Pow! He never thought it was something that could happen. Pow! Pow! Break-ups were for troubled relationships, not yours. Wham! Po-Pow! You two had something good going on. Pow-wow! Why was it even an option? Po-POW!

   “Sooo good talk? Bad talk?” Michelangelo piped in from his seat. He had a can of soda in his hands, taking small sips in between each of Raphael’s punches.

   “She’s moving away,” Raphael grunted as he continued to hit the punching bag.

   “Oooh, okay. Where?” He kept pressing on in genuine curiosity.

   “Colorado.” Wham! Pow!

   Michelangelo frowned behind the tin can. “Oh. Well, I mean she won’t be gone long right? It’s only like, two or three months.”

   “Try years,” The word came out as a hiss. His fist collided with the bag hard enough to push it backward.

   He could hear his little brother cringe. “Oooh…that’s a long time. She leaving tonight?”

   “No,” he growled. It was amazing how the little brother’s naivete could annoy him so much. “We’re gonna hang out her last month here.”

   “Aww, that’ll be nice,” Michelangelo smiled. He was quiet for only a second before speaking up again. “Man you guys are probably gonna have the best time ever. Then she’ll be gone for three weeks?”

   “Years, Mikey,” The larger mutant turned quickly and smacked the soda can out of his three-fingered hand. “She’s gonna be gone for three years!”

   His big blue eyes widened in surprise and he held his hands up in defense. “Alright! Years! Geez!” He huffed and lowered his hands before speaking once more. “Man…that’s gonna be rough,” he looked down at the floor, almost thoughtful for a second; but it was short lived. He looked up at Raphael with a smile and stood. “You guys can handle it though!” He patted his older brother’s shoulder encouragingly before leaving.

   Raphael stood alone in the room. You would be gone for three years. No visits, no calls, no e-mails, no texts. The loneliness he felt now wasn’t going to go away. His jaw clenched, his throat tightened, and his eyes began to burn. With one loud yell, he kicked the punching bag across the room and stormed out of the lair to be by himself.

   The next day Raphael stared at the phone-like device Donnie had made for all of them. On the screen was a text message from you that had been sent an hour ago. You had asked if he would like to watch a movie at your place; you had even offered to let the red-clad turtle pick out the film. But he had a lot of thoughts swimming in his mind.

   All day Raphael’s head was tumbling over what Michelangelo had said yesterday. Three years was a long time. There was no way you would ever come back after college. Why would you? Three years was plenty of time to forget about him and the horrors that lived in New York’s shadow.

   But would it be plenty of time for him to get over you? To get over your smile? Your laugh?To forget the feel of your skin? Or even how small your hands felt inside of his?

   If he spent any more time with you, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to let you go when it was time. Maybe the two of you should’ve ended it last night. Then it might give him more time to get over you. However, despite his courage in the arena, he lacked any when it came to sharing his feelings with you. And the last thing he wanted to do right now was upset you. With a heavy sigh he decided to go for the next best thing.

   “Sorry, can’t tonight. Leo sprung a surprise patrol on us.”

   He hit the send button and tossed the device aside, not planning on answering it for the rest of the night. He figured if he could at least avoid you, then he could at least upsetting you with the truth. And for the next couple of weeks, that’s exactly what he did. With each passing day, and with each half-assed lie, you started asking less and less.

   One night after realizing it was almost midnight and you still hadn’t messaged him, Raphael figured you had given up. It was bittersweet for him; on the one hand, you had started to forget about him. On the other hand, he was now alone with his thoughts and on possible ways he could try to get over you.

   As he began to sulk back to his room he heard a pair of light footsteps moving quickly towards him. His brow furrowed and he turned around quickly, surprised to see you power walking up to him. The tall turtle gulped nervously, never before seeing such fury burning in your eyes.

   You stopped right in front of the moody ninja turtle and glared up at him. Your hands were on your hips angrily; your knuckles turning white as they squeeze at your flesh.

   “Alright Raphael,” you snapped at him. “We’re going to do one of two things. We are either going to hang out or you are going to admit that you lied to me!”

   Raph furrowed his brows and his shoulders tensed. He knew he was guilty, but he felt like he had to defend himself. “I don’t have nuthin to admit, so I guess we’re hanging out!” He huffed and shrugged. “So, whadd'ya wanna do? Train in the dojo? Watch a movie? Apply for a school that’s states away? Oh wait– Ya already did that, so we can check that off the list of fun ideas!” He made an invisible hand gesture of the motion.

   You gawked at him, still completely shocked at how he was acting. You knew he was upset after the second time he declined to hang out, but you didn’t think he would act like this! “Oh, I’m sorry. That was my best option so that way I can have a decent paying job because I have bills to pay! Unlike you, I have human responsibilities to take care of!”

   He growled a little, not having a logical response to counter that statement. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, and huffed again. He wanted to say something along the lines of how he could take care of you, and provide you with everything you needed but he knew it would never be true. You were raised in the light of this world, unlike him, who was born in the shadows. You needed the sunlight, fresh air, human contact. His fingers clenched into fist and started to shake. He soon let out a loud yell, and then kicked the nearest object to him, a crate of junk that burst when making contact with the wall.

   "Fuck!“ He cursed.

   You jumped at the sound of his foot colliding with the trash can and heard a familiar voice behind you.

   "Oooh, Raph is piiissed…” Michelangelo cooed. It was then that you and Raphael noticed the audience that had gathered.

   Your cheeks burned a little in embarrassment but your eyes never left Raphael. Donatello smacked the younger turtle upside the head before shushing him. You cleared your throat and held your head up high. Just because Raphael might throw a tantrum did not mean you had to.

   "Look, I asked you if you wanted to end this sooner. Why couldn’t you have just said so in the first place instead of stringing me along?“ You couldn’t help but end the sentence in a hiss. It had hurt, knowing he had lied to you this whole time. You understood why, but it did not make the situation easier.

   At this point, Raphael wasn’t able to look at you. He knew what he wanted to say, what he needed to say, but his throat would choke him every time he went to speak. He grumbled and tried clearing his throat. "I..I thought it would be okay. ” He shook his head. “But it’s not… Not even in the fucking slightest. Just-” He paused for a moment. “Why couldn’t you have picked something closer? It feels like you didn’t even try! Like from the beginning, I was the only one fighting for this!” Not thinking logically, his heart clearly had control of the reins now.

   Your heart clenched at the accusation and tears welled up in your eyes. “That place was my last choice!” You stomped your foot on the hard floor and you lost all composure. “Everywhere else would either have me in debt for the rest of my life or barely able to afford rent while going!”

   You paused and stared at him, your heart heavy with sadness and anger. How could he not understand this is just as hard for you as it was for him? How could he even think you would do this if you had another choice?

   "You really think I wanted this? Seriously? You think I picked this place just so I could get away from you?“

   Raph crossed his arms and stared at his two giant toes. "Well…yeah. It kind of feels that way! I mean, I am a giant mutant turtle, with one hell'uva ugly mug for a face!” He pointed at himself, his eyes still focused on the ground. “All I’ve ever heard of about college is how it’s supposed to be the best years of your life! Where you have the most fun, and find out who you are. And you’re going to be doing all that without me! You’re gonna move on, and be happy. While I’m stuck down here in this shit-hole!” He jabbed a finger at you, his lips curled back into a snarl.

   Leo watched from a distance with his other brothers, shaking his head in disappointment. His hand covered his mouth in order to stop himself from saying anything. On one hand, he understood his brother’s frustration; on the other, Raphael was just making himself the victim. Lashing out at the one and only being that had shared a connection with him on a totally different level than anyone before.

   He knew Raphael was going to regret this, but there was nothing he could do to stop him now.

   You just stared at him with teary eyes and a quivering chin. Your entire body shook with anger and grief. He had a point; you were going to experience a large chunk of your life without him. It hurt, knowing you wouldn’t have him to talk to at two in the morning when you couldn’t sleep, or feel safe walking alone at night knowing he would be there to help you. You wanted him to be there, more than anything, but it just wouldn’t work. There was just no way any of it could work.

   "You’re right. I am going to experience things,“ you said as your shoulder slumped in defeat. "And I’m sorry I can’t bring you with me or share them with you. But…but Raph I have a life up there!” The truth hurt you and you knew it hurt him just as much. You could feel the three other pairs of eyes on you as you continued. “There are I things I have to make sure I do and damn it. I can’t…I can’t screw myself over for the rest of my life because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings!” The tears flowed down your cheeks as you sobbed. “I love you and I care about you. But I need your support in this one thing!”

   Raph looked down again, not speaking for a long while. When he finally looked back up at you, he was teary eyed but his expression was stern. “ I can’t be with you on this…” He stated and walked off to his room in the lair.

   Your final day in New York was finally here. The truck was parked on the street, already almost completely full of your things. Raphael did not come to you the night before despite your invitation. It did not surprise you though, especially since he had not spoken a word to you after your fight. Your heart was heavy with disappointment and sadness; you really were hoping he would at least say ‘good-bye’ before you left, but even that was too much to hope for apparently.

   You stood in your now empty room with your messenger bag clinging to your shoulders. There was no doubt you would miss the place and you hoped you could move back to New York one day. Maybe then Raphael would want to speak to you again.

   Originally you were going to leave through the door like a normal person but some sort of sixth sense tugged at your gut. You wanted to go down the fire escape one last time; after all, you had climbed down that rickety old thing before when you would sneak out to go see the turtles. Going down one more time would not hurt anybody. You adjusted the strap of your and climbed down the old metal stairs and into the alley below.

   It never seemed to matter what time of day it was but the alley always seemed to be very dark. As you stepped forward your eyes snapped down to the manhole cover in the ground and a flood of fond memories overwhelmed you. Your throat tightened and you sniffled a bit, but you kept moving forward. As you passed the round slab, you noticed it was not quite back in place. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned around quickly, catching a glimpse of a familiar red bandanna disappearing behind a corner.

   Immediately your heart pounded quickly and a smile spread across your face. You ran up to the corner and jumped in front of the retreating turtle, blocking his path.

   You both stared at each other, neither daring to speak first. Your happiness was overwhelming; you could not believe you actually got to see him one more time. Unable to contain yourself, you jumped up and hugged him tightly. Tears ran down your cheeks like a small stream trickling through a forest as you embraced him. You tried to appreciate everything your felt, smelled, and heard from him; this may be the last time you ever see him again and you would need to rely on your precious memories.

   Raphael returned the hug but did not embrace you nearly as tight. He was afraid if he held on too hard or too long that he would take you back down to the lair. It was hard enough coming up here, he did not want to make it harder to watch you go.

   You finally pulled away and tried to give him a kiss but he pushed you gently back. He did not need to say a word to you, but you could see the pained pleading look on his face. A part of you wanted to ignore his silent request and kiss him anyway, but knowing it would just hurt him more kept your feet at bay. Instead you simply stared at him through the tears, taking in every detail in his clothing and skin.

   “I love you,” You whispered loud enough for him to hear. You could see his chest and shoulders raise slightly as he inhaled. Your feet stayed planted as you waited for a response from him, but the sai-wielding turtle did not utter a sound.

   Very slowly you began a frown as he just kept staring at you. You knew he had things to say and you wanted to hear them. You didn’t care if they were insults or even pleads for you to stay, you just wanted to hear the sound of his voice one more time before–

   Beep beeeeep!

   The honking of the truck’s horn snapped you out of your train of thought. You looked down the alley and then back at Raphael. You felt your jaw clench and your lips press together in a thin line, trying your hardest not to sob.

   “Well…Bye, Raphael.” You mumbled, lifting your hand in a weak attempt to wave. You walked past him, not daring to look at him again, and stopped at the end of the alleyway. The morning sun hit your face and you took a deep breath in. You were about to take the next step to your new life.

   Your life without Raphael.

   The sound of your shoe stepping on pavement had never been so loud to him before. You seemed to move faster than he expected and your form quickly disappeared behind the building. He waited until he heard the truck start up and pull away. It was not until he could not hear the large vehicle anymore did it suddenly dawn on him.

   You were gone. You really were gone. Ever since the fight he had with you the temperamental turtle had thought this was all one big nightmare. He kept waiting to wake up, but nothing happened. Doubt began to fill his belly and his heart raced at the realization of what he had and had not done.

   He wanted a re-do. He wanted to go back in time and accept all of your invitations to hang out; he wanted to hug you again, to not push you away when you wanted to kiss.

   He wanted to tell you he loved you.

   Grief and rage overtook every fiber of his being. He slipped back into the sewers and spent the remainder of the day demolishing every training dummy they had in the lair.

janevonlipwig  asked:

Hi, I love your blog! Question: what do you think of Edward Ferrars? I feel as if a lot of people on the internet dislike him, but I can't see why. Do you like him as a character?

Thank you so much! :)

I think every Austen ‘hero’ has some flawed element about them which humanizes them. Certainly since we spend less time in their company than the heroines and, socially, none of the men are ever at risk of suffering the decline of genteel poverty if they do not marry, so altogether I’m less inclined to be as sympathetic to them as I am to the ladies they eventually wed. Of course Austen’s heroines are human and flawed, too, but it’s just made a lot easier to generally bash on the dudes because they have fewer excuses for being fuckups, honestly. (Except Emma Woodhouse, like, honeeeey STOP.)

I think the issue encountered with Edward is that he’s not as dashing as other heros, in the Austen canon in general, and in S&S in particular. There’s Willoughby to first compare him to–dashing. as. fuck. Then there’s the Colonel, who, though older and more reserved than Willoughby, has a sensitive and poetic soul, the true courage of an active soldier, and the deep passion of a romantic gentleman. Edward is dreadfully prosaic by comparison! And he was foolish enough to be ensnared by Lucy, at a young age.

It’s very easy to slag off Edward; and, as a lot of more sensitive young readers might more readily identify with Marianne sooner than steady, cool, rational Elinor, the temptation to agree with her judgements of Edward is immediate and powerful. Edward seems to bumble about the plot, inadvertently messing with Elinor’s feelings, and we despise him for putting her in the position she ends up in as a jealous Lucy’s confidante.

BUT, I gotta admit I have a soft spot for ol’ Ferrars. In his defense, he’s kind of perfect for Elinor, and that’s the point. Marianne has finite, naive, and shallow ideas of what True Love ought to look like, and writes off every other possibility as Lesser. Elinor doesn’t want High Drama and all that rot…she wants someone companionable, honourable, and kind. Of course she doesn’t escape being touched by the agony of love, because in a weird twist of ironic fate, she cannot wholly command her heart quite as well as everyone (read: Marianne) seems to think she can and does, and she and Edward experience their share of lovelorn misery thanks to misunderstandings and the constraints of duty.

Point The Second: Edward was very young and naive when he engaged himself to Lucy. He later admits that he very quickly realized how awful an idea this was once he’s gone and lived a grown-up life around literally any other people for even a short period of time; and it’s only because he was a young man, kept idle, in the company of a pretty girl determined to make herself pleasing to him, that he made a foolish promise. His misery has been low-key ongoing before he even appears on the scene in the book. His grim acceptance of his eventual fate as Lucy’s husband prevents him from even letting himself think of Elinor as a possibility–he honestly doesn’t believe himself to be attractive enough a prospect, and figures he is not exerting himself to please as a man might attempt to please a woman to gain her regard, because they just get along in a friendly way and they’re sort of almost family, after all. In this weird grey-area limbo, disaster strikes and they both find themselves caught up in their affections before they realize what’s going on, and before they can stop it. Should Edward have been more guarded? Possibly. But again, Elinor’s coolness of manner and level-headedness is well-known to all her friends and family. In the style of Jane Bennet, Edward might have felt his heart unfortunately involved, but may have doubted Elinor’s returning his feelings in the same fashion.

Ultimately, Edward’s mistake in attaching himself to Lucy is no worse than Marianne’s attaching herself to Willoughby–and better, for Lucy and Edward don’t even really love one another, so there’s zero heartbreak in their eventual split. And Edward’s honour and chivalry go a long way in absolving him for some of the inadvertent crap he pulled. Eyes wide open, he knowingly severs ties with his mother (and his inheritance) to keep a promise made long ago, in error, to a girl he cannot even respect, because he knows how cruel and damaging it would be to her if he were to give up the engagement, once it was made public. Such promises, even held in secret for years, were a huge deal, and to break them could have even meant legal repercussions–though given the Steele’s comparative poverty and the Ferrars family’s money, it’s likely they could have bought their way out of any suit brought against Edward in the courts by Lucy. No, Edward sticks it out for honour. It was wrong to make the engagement, but it would be even more wrong for him to be the one to break it. Lucy is the only one who can release him from it, and, thank fuck, she does.

A common theme in Austen is the danger and misery of marrying without affection–and, in several cases, the worst marriages are the ones where there is not even a shred of respect between spouses. This would have been Edward’s willing fate, and though it breaks our hearts to think of so strictly denying oneself happiness, it’s a sign of how deep his personal convictions are, and how admirable his sense of self-sacrifice, to keep his own terrible, foolish promise. Certainly, in intentions, Edward was more than ready to pay for his mistake for the rest of his life.

If Elinor is willing to forgive Edward, I certainly am, and I think, by the end of it all, Edward has certainly suffered just as much as Elinor, (even, I think, partially believing that Elinor might be likely to go on to marry the Colonel, mistaking their friendship for some deeper connection,) and was prepared to suffer a great deal more, in marrying Lucy, that his quiet bravery and steadfast honour make him a hero worth liking.

anonymous asked:

Have you noticed that Tom isn't on the Cannes speaker list anymore??

Good morning, little gray face!

I was not aware of that until this morning.  I am not the kind of person who checks up on his schedule of appearances every day.  I have my own schedule to worry about.  :)  

If he truly will not be attending, I hope it is for an exciting reason.  Perhaps a conflict with other filming or something.  Perhaps is just a question of someone tweaking a website or something similar and he is still involved.  

I see that a lot of people have become extremely preoccupied with his career and life, to the point that it seems like they are actively stressing out about it and letting it take over their blogs.  I am not in that mode.  I am not worried about him, I am not waiting on an announcement like a junkie needs a fix.  My knowing every detail of his movements, which flight he’s on, which director or producer or actress he was seen with - none of that will do anything to make my life better.  It really doesn’t matter to my everyday happiness.  I am contented to enjoy WHO he is, that is why I am here and that is what I want my blog to be.  I am contented to enjoy all of the great and entertaining things he has given us thus far, because there is such a wealth of that to fill the time I spend here.  

I think that whole attitude is quite indicative of more than one concerning issue, not the least of which is how the combination of celebrity culture and the internet feeds certain types of obsessive tendencies that result in unhealthy behavior.  It is like passive aggressive cyber stalking, doesn’t matter if it’s about his career or his personal life.  I am getting more and uncomfortable with that type of content and I have unfollowed blogs that perpetuate it.  The high degree and intensity of speculation with the hunger for any scrap of news is a strange kind of lust that I can’t adequately term.  I don’t like it.  I don’t think he would like it.  

I don’t have to be in control everything, I am happy to hear official news as it is presented to the public.  I am happy to be surprised at what he is doing.  It doesn’t matter to me if he isn’t seen in any official capacity until the Thor:Ragnarok premiere.  I just want him to be happy in what he’s doing; and if that means he’s doing nothing, that’s fine.  :)

Thank you for the message, Little Gray Face!  It gave me an opportunity to share some things I have been pondering.  I have every hope that he will continue to give us his best in whatever he chooses.  Until then, I’m going to keep doing what I’ve been doing - posting what I want and hopefully creating something that is enjoyed with a smile.  :)