this is why i should never leave tumblr

You know, whenever I try to walk away from you, it feels like I’m walking away from the rightest wrong thing there ever was. We’re like the sea and the shore, darling: destined to forever be entwined, but never really together. For you are the waves that will continue to embrace me, and yet I know that you will always destroy my little sandcastles, all the same. You’ll keep running, you’ll keep hurting, you’ll keep betraying my

We often hear that age-old cliché: “How can something so wrong feel so right?” I can’t answer that. All I know is that there are a million reasons why I should leave you, and yet I never could. Because I’ve never needed a single reason to love you. I just do.

—  highfalutinman  - Unspoken Conversations

I kissed a boy once.
No twice.
Wait, three times.
I just wanted to feel special.
He wanted to feel cool.

Few months after everyone knew;
It was dug up like a skeleton in a graveyard.
His name was chanted in my ears.
I’ve hated him since.

I screamed at my father once.
No twice.
Wait, I stopped counting.
I just wanted to feel something.
He wanted to feel nothing.

Few minutes after he threatened to leave;
The bullet missed me.
Do what you want father,
But stop commenting on how ill my mind has become.

I cried once.
No twice.
No more than twice this month.
My pain has been silenced and lives within my body instead of streaming out.

I think that’s why everything hurts more;
That pain refuses to leave.
I think I’ve been numbed.
Then again, nothing would hurt if I were.

I trusted once.
No twice.
Maybe more.
But why should I trust when everyone’s here to protect themselves?

Everyone needs to get out of things alive;
They don’t take anyone to safety with them.
There’s no one to trust.
Not even yourself.

—  whiskey

“If one day you wake up and you no longer care about me,” she says, “say so over our morning coffee and I will let you leave.”

“I will not ask you why. I will not ask you to stay one more night. I will give you a small smile to say that it is okay and that people lose feelings for all sorts of reasons and that I will survive.”

“So if it comes to it,” she says, “just say so. You should stay because you want to. You should leave if you need.”

—  S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #131

I should be going to bed but this had been on my mind for awhile and I just can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the fact I never have motivation and I think I realize why.

we all need to get back to focusing on our writing and the character we chose to portray. like leave politics out of everything and leave all negative notions elsewhere. like Tumblr has changed so much and I’ve been around for so long that this has now become the worst I’ve seen tumblr.

like we all came to tumblr to find people who shared hobbies and interests like our own and I think we’ve forgotten all that. we need to stop calling people out, stop degrading people for every little thing they do, and we need to get back to writing. we need to get back to making lifelong friends who we can geek out with instead of destroying another person who doesn’t feel the same as you.

just, I want it to be simple again and maybe myself and others won’t feel so dragged down and discouraged. I know I can’t be the only one who is tired of everything. this was supposed to be our escape from reality, our escape from the world and instead we brought the world into it. the magic seems lost almost, the fantasy no longer a dream. I just want to see the magic back, to see people excited again.

let’s get roleplay back to what it once was, an escape. the escape we created so we could be happy for once. the escape we created so we could take a break from the real world. let’s just get roleplay back to what it once was and still is. let’s bring the magic back.

“You’ve given me every reason in the book on why I shouldn’t be with you. You’ve broken my heart so many times. Please.. please just give me a reason. Tell me why I should be with you. Tell me to stay. Please give me a reason to stay..” She asked with tears streaming down her face.

“Because.” He let out a deep sigh, trying not to look at the mess he created. He didn’t wanna look at her knowing he did so much to destroy her.

“Because I’ll love you on your worst days. Because you’re the girl I can’t get out of my mind no matter how many times I try. Because you’re the girl who I wanna wake up to on a Sunday morning after drinking all night. Because you’re the girl I wanna see smile again and to let you know it’s okay to love again. Because I wanna make you see that there is good in the world, you just have to look for it. Because I wanna make you laugh. Something you haven’t done since your dad died. Because I wanna see you in your darkest days to tell you it’s okay. To hold you & let you know that you won’t be this way forever. Because I wanna see your face when you light up talking about horses & how you wanna end world hunger. Because I wanna trace my fingers along your sun kissed skin & I wanna feel every inch of your body. Because I wanna protect you from all the bad in the world. Because I wanna make love to you all night long and make you feel beautiful in your own skin. Because I wanna hear you curse at me when you’re just so frustrated & annoyed with me. Because you’re all I ever think about. When I’m driving, when I’m studying. Even when I’m at the dinner table, you’re all I think about. Because I wanna know how you’re day went and how it made you feel. Because I wanna know why you only eat your French fries with barbecue sauce and what made you hate ketchup. Because I wanna hear about all the fun times you have with your dad before he got sick and because I wanna hear how you blame yourself for not saying goodbye even though it wasn’t your fault. Because I wanna hold you when you’re crying on our bathroom floor at 4 in the morning to scared to move because you’re afraid of what you’ll do. Because I wanna make you feel good in ways you didn’t know you could feel good. Because I wanna hear all about your hatred for seaworld and zoos. Because I wanna take you on dates and show you off because I’m so memorized by your beauty. Because I wanna know what you wanted to be when you were younger and why you decided that animals are more important than your craving for meat. Because you make me a better man and keep me on my feet. Because you are the strongest person I know and I wanna spend whatever time we have together with you. Because whenever I was with another girl you were always at the back of my head. Because I don’t want you to be with anyone else. I want you because I can’t stomach the thought of another mans hands on you. Because I wanna make you happy in every possible way and because that’s what you do for me. You make me so happy. You make me feel like I’m a 16 year old boy in love. So please stay because I love that you’re honest. I love that you always try your hardest to make people happy because you yourself are so unhappy and you don’t want anyone to feel the way you do. I want you because I know you want a love that consumes you. I know you want adventure and passion. Even a little danger & I can give that to you if you let me. So please stay. If you stay I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making every wrong up to you. I promise I’ll love you from your head to toes. I promise I’ll never leave you feeling hopeless and that’s why you should stay. But most importantly you should stay because I am hopelessly & romantically in love with you & I don’t care if it’s to late I need you to here this. I am in love with you. It’s you. It’s always going to be you. So please stay.”

—  Stay.

“…oh Lily Bell, oh Lily Bell, though I may have done some foolin’, this is why I never fell…”

Companion piece for a short story I’m working on. 2017.

idk why you freaks think it’s quirky and ok to do these thing just because “uwu I’m mentally ill”. texting death threats, saying “I won’t have you leave me”, and literally threatening to kill someone is ABUSE and you fucks should never be near people again

Love should keep us together
But we are falling in reverse
Each one in another direction
Without a hand to hold

I feel empty, I feel lost
I crave for smoke, I see ghosts
Of my future self… Dark, black, grey
Shocked and lonely
Why did you leave? I was your miracle
You were my cynical
smile that kept floating through my veins
straight to my brains
Breaking everything into a mess
Why, love? Why? I was stressed
to make you stay
when all you needed was for me
to let you free.

—  Nastyahalestorm

syzara  asked:

30 for Maia please! (I think you didn't get that one yet?) <3

I never saw this? WTF, I don’t even know if I should blame tumblr or my own brain, but anyways. ANYWAYS

30. Ryder Family Secrets: Did Ryder unlock all of their father’s memories and encrypted logs?  I’ll leave this open-ended to encourage wordy responses, but how does Ryder feel about what they learned?

Maia unlocked them all, and is very concerned about wtf is going on with Garson’s murder (even if the Benefactor had ulterior motives, why do they still matter once everyone is in Andromeda?!?) and she is a terrible trembling disaster of hope that maybe someday she’ll be able to see her mom again.

What is both interesting (and horrifying from my perspective?) is that she is so used to compensating for her Dad’s Inability To Emotionally People that she doesn’t even realize how far he overstepped Ellen’s autonomy to put her in cryo against her wishes. Maia’s just frustrated that her Dad was keeping large secrets from everyone. She’s not even mad though? Just frustrated. And still more hopeful than anything else. They have a chance to see their mom again. 

(Lucy more than makes up for the mad because, like. It was the only thing Ellen ever really asked of him, and he didn’t eve TRY to do it, to let her go? There was someone in the Milky Way who wanted a second chance and didn’t get one because instead Alec forced it on Ellen WHO DIDN’T? She is so mad. That is horrifying evil-supervillain levels of manipulations, and Lucy will never stop despising the man, if she keeps finding shit like this out about him.)

Don’t leave,“ I beg, "please.”

“Why should I stay?” He asks, not expecting a valid answer.

“Because you told me you were scared of losing me.”

He sighs, turning away, “Then maybe I’m facing my fears.

—  E. Grin
That Girl

hey girl with the sad eyes
the one who’s soul always cries
who always tries
yet gets nothing
and to her its no surprise

she needs a hug or something
anything to keep her mind off cutting
she’s not fine she needs someone loving
her life’s on the line will people stop judging
she try’s to push away the negative comments
but pushing and shoving could lead to her last moments
her parents don’t know she makes her own punishments

everything she does to herself is no accident
she’s innocent yet violent
in her own self judgement
her unstable temperament
is nothing to experiment with

in her mind your irrelevant and she will cease to exist
she is close to raising her fist
but she must resist
that is unless you insist
in a argument she is the one to be dismissed
and her words they twist
and that’s when she gets pissed
she then feels alone and dissed
for the people that left her in the fog and mist
still in her heart they are deeply missed

her love is so strong that the list goes on and on
she loves her dad and mom
sometimes her dad turns into a time bomb

she only yearns for affection
no one will learn her anxiety is why she can’t ever stay calm
it makes her days seem so long
she tells herself to stay strong

she makes herself look happy
but in reality there’s something wrong
she feels in this world she doesn’t belong
never should have been born
feeling worn out and so torn
she rather go in her room and mourn
one of these days she will leave without warning
and that she has sworn

I don’t know why you would give her up, I don’t know why anyone would.  She’s the kind of beautiful I wish I could be, absolutely breathtaking.  She’ll catch your eye the moment you walk in the door and for the rest of the night you won’t notice anyone else. You’ll lose yourself trying to find the nerve just to say hello, but then she’ll approach you and as her lips begin to move, you’ll forget which way is home.  Her eyes are golden, and I swear looking into them will feel like hitting the gold rush in 1852. Her hands are soft and gentle.  She’ll make you feel things and leave fingerprints in places you can’t scrub clean, and for the rest of your life you’ll reach for her in your sleep.  She is the kind of girl someone should have warned you about, the kind your mother tells you to never let go.  

How on earth did you let go?

—  I see the beauty she holds and I know that I cannot compare.  I guess I’m just trying to understand why you would give that up for a girl like me.  // mistakenharmony
“You can’t leave me! You just can’t!” He shouted at the top of his lungs.
“I know I can’t. That’s why I should, that’s why I need to.” She whispered.
—  An Excerpt From A Book I’ll Never Write // JustScribbledWords
Regarding Rose Quartz and Cosplay

I am posting this on my anonymous thoughts blog because while I want to get my opinion of this out here, I really do not want backlash affected my main blog. Sorry if it is a cowardly thing to do but it took me weeks to build up the nerve to write this.

I am going to start with saying that I don’t care what your body type is. You’re thin and tall but want to cosplay Amethyst? Go ahead. Short and chubby but want to be Garnet or Pearl? Please, have a good time! Tiny in every way but absolutely enamored with Rose Quartz? I will love to see your cosplay! 

There’s been a lot of arguing about thin people not cosplaying certain Steven Universe characters, and I am going to put in my own personal two cents about why I can understand where that’s coming from.

I’m fat. Not the cute curves in all the right places chubby, but fat. 270 pounds. 5′11. A double chin and fat jiggly arms and thighs that make me want to cry sometimes because one thigh is almost bigger than my partner’s waist. I hate the way I look. I have been working out for the last few months and slowly but surely I’m starting to see results, and that makes me feel good. My entire life has just been full of ridicule and bullying because of how fat I am. It’s awful.

I think that I’m ugly. A lot of people tell me that I’m not but I think that I am. It’s especially hard because I love cosplay. I love to dress up and go to conventions and hang out with people and just not be myself for a little while. It makes me feel beautiful. But there aren’t a lot of options for me, so I end up cosplaying outside of my body type a lot.

That shouldn’t be a problem. When I was in the Homestuck fandom, there were certain characters that it was acceptable to headcanon as fat (mainly Jane. Sometimes Aradia and Feferi.), who I usually cosplayed. But I loved the other characters and I stepped out of my comfort zone and cosplayed Vriska. And then Roxy. And Snowman. It was so much fun at the time, I even got stopped for pictures!! And then I came home and got a message on my tumblr. I was on a bad cosplay blog in my Roxy cosplay. The cosplay that I spent hours making, that I worked so hard on. There were several hundred notes on it by the time I saw it. Why was I on that blog? I was fat. That was it. The comment on it said something like “LOL landwhales should stick to the fatties and leave the hot characters alone”.

Ouch. Fucking ouch. I quickly put my Roxy away and never wore it again. 

So what is the point to this story? How does this tie in with the discussion currently going on in the Steven Universe fandom? It’s simple:

As a thin person, you will not experience backlash for cosplaying a fat character. It just won’t happen. No one will post you on the internet saying things like “ew cant believe this sack of bones cosplayed a larger character. lay off.” It won’t happen. You’ll be called beautiful. Your photo might even reach people who say things like “this is what the character should have looked like!!! thin and pretty!!” You won’t be ridiculed for something you spent hours working on, for something that you wore for fun, to the point where you never want to wear it again. 

I cosplayed as Rose Quartz. I felt beautiful and powerful. It was such a 180 from how I usually feel about myself that it left me dizzy with excitement. I don’t want to take this away from anyone. If you are thin and Rose Quartz makes you feel beautiful and strong, please, go for it! You will look lovely, I am positive. What I’m saying here is not “don’t cosplay outside of your body type” but more “this is why people are so defensive of Rose”. After years of scraping the barrel for characters that we won’t get hated for cosplaying, or braving the bullshit and cosplaying outside of our body type anyway, we finally have a character that is big and beautiful and strong and inspiring. That’s why people are so defensive about her.

In a perfect world, no one would judge anyone for cosplaying outside of their body type, but this is not a perfect world. This is a world where I wanted to cosplay a thin character, I would have to mentally prepare myself for mockery and laughter. I am definitely advocating for everyone to be able to cosplay anyone they want, but the community has to change before that can happen. So please try not to lose patience with people who are defensive about Rose Quartz and Amethyst and don’t want thin people cosplaying them. Yes, it’s counterproductive and disheartening, but it’s just nice to have a character that I can dress up as without being treated like a freak for daring to cosplay outside of my body type.