Length: 4.2k words
Summary: You knew the relationship was falling apart, you just couldn’t accept it.
“I’m sorry Y/N.” Yoongi whispered.
I looked at him in disbelief. The tears that were threatening to fall soon enough shamelessly came and for a second I thought I felt my heart actually break. Deep down, I wanted everything to be a joke, I wanted this to be some sort of sick prank. But looking at Yoongi’s face, I knew it was far from that.
“Why did you do it?” I asked looking down. He stayed quiet, not daring to look at me, and after what felt like hours he took a deep breath.
“I honestly don’t know Y/N,” he began “I wasn’t thinking at all.” I let out a sob.. Wasn’t thinking? What does he mean he wasn’t thinking? Is he meaning to tell me that I didn’t cross his mind not once?
“I-It was more than just sex with her Y/N, as much as she seems to be bitch to everyone she isn’t bad. I don’t know what to do. I already lost so much by doing this.” He added as he turned to look at me.
My heart shattered. The only thing worse than getting cheated on is, having the person who cheated on you not wanting to fix it. We were invincible. Since I was 15 I vowed to commit to him and overcome any obstacles that life threw at us. Every fight we had was resolved by the end of the day because we never went to sleep mad at each other. But now, years later I never thought anything would change. And to be honest.. I was too naive to think this would last forever. Yoongi always had eyes for me, he always thought about me before he made a decision. Looking into the eyes of the love of your life and not seeing a spark anymore is heartbreaking. To feel like I was not worth fighting for anymore made me feel worthless.
“I love you Y/N, I still want you around.” Yoongi said breaking me out of my thoughts. “Even if we’re not together you will always be mine.” he added. My body went numb, my mind went blank. I looked at him and smiled. “I’ll never leave Yoongi.”
The next couple weeks were gloomy. Even though Yoongi never stopped talking to me, every night always ended with an argument, which resulted in him blocking me and ignoring me until he felt like talking to me again. Meanwhile I was constantly surrounded by a dark cloud that didn’t leave. I barely got out bed. And when I did, I would find any reason to go back to my hole of self pity. I didn’t eat much anymore and only got a couple hours of sleep at night. Constant thoughts attacked my mind telling me I wasn’t good enough to keep him, that he was better off without me, that I needed him. And as crazy as it sounds, I wanted him back more than anything. I wanted to have another chance to show that I can be a better girlfriend to him, better than her. I never asked about her. I didn’t want to know anything about her. The one girl who managed to make him do this. And from what I heard she wasn’t with Yoongi because she liked him. Anyone can tell she was just using him, but he was too blind to see that. She had him wrapped around her little finger and still slept with any guy she wanted, while Yoongi pretended that he didn’t know. And that’s what killed me.
It was around 10:30pm when Yoongi called. I mentally cursed at myself for answering so quickly, “Hey,” I said. “Hey babygirl, just wanted to hear your voice.” I could feel my face turn red and softly smiled at his words. “I miss you.” I said. For the next two hours we were on the phone and for once I was happy.
“Are you free tomorrow?” I ask. As much as I wanted to give him space, I wanted to see him.
I hear him heavily sigh and I already knew what was coming. “I’m sorry Y/N, I want to see you as much as you do but-” he mumbled. My heart sank and a feeling of sadness came over me. “Yeah I get it, she means more to you than I ever did.” I replied. “Please don’t start Y/N we were talking just fine.” he said.
I rolled my eyes and scoffed. “News flash, I haven’t been fine since you chose her over me, you only knew her for a week.”
“STOP. Y/N goddammit don’t fucking start again.” He yelled out. I could hear his breathing increase and I knew him well enough to know he was pissed.
“Why are you doing this to me huh Yoongi? Was I that fucking horrible to you that you had to do this to me?” I cried. Again tears rolled down my face and I started sobbing.
“I’m not dealing with this tonight.” He said and hung up.
Fucking asshole. That’s what he’s good at, ignoring me and running away from his problems. I dialed his number again hoping he could pick up but soon realized he blocked my number. I began to panic knowing very well I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight if he was ignoring me.
For the next hour I constantly called hoping he would unblock me but I had no luck. My sobbing increased and I began to feel suffocated in my apartment. I just wanted to run, I wanted to run until I couldn’t feel the pain anymore, I wanted to disappear. I knew I was pathetic doing this to myself. But I couldn’t help it, Min Yoongi destroyed me.
I couldn’t take being inside anymore and left my apartment to clear my head. It was almost midnight and although it wasn’t a good idea to be walking at this hour, I didn’t care. The night air made me shiver and I decided not to go very far considering it was cold. I walked to the gym right by my apartment and sat at the side of the building. I tried dialing Yoongi again, and sure enough he didn’t pick up. I put my phone back in my pocket and buried my face in my hands and cried. Why wasn’t I good enough for him anymore? Why am I still around for him begging him to come back when it’s not what he wants anymore? I was deeply in love with him to even think about moving on, and he knew that.
“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be out this late crying.” A voice said, that made your head snap up.
My eyes met the face of a stranger, a very attractive stranger.
I quickly wiped my tears away and stood up backing away from him, “Ahh I’m sorry” I replied flustered.
He chuckled, “Don’t worry, I don’t bite.” I smiled at him. “That’s good to hear, but what could you possibly be doing out here this late?” I asked sarcastically.
He motioned toward the gym “I work here, on my break.”
I looked at him confused. “Isn’t it too late to for a gym to be opened?” I replied.
“It’s opened 24/7, I work the night shifts.” He said. I nodded at him and sat back down.
“Now if you don’t mind me asking, why were you crying?” He asked.
I bit my lip and tried to come up with some random excuse. “Umm it’s just tha-” I started to say.
“Boyfriend troubles?” He blurted.
I chuckled, “Something like that.”
“Mind telling me about it?” He asked.
I looked away sighing. “Honestly.. I’m not ready to talk about it just yet, but long story short he cheated on me.. and somehow I can’t let him go.”
“By the looks of you crying it seems like he doesn’t want the same.” He said.
“It’s.. complicated.” I answered, “He chose her but he still wants me around.”
He looked at me, “I know I barely met you but you shouldn’t give him the satisfaction of still being there for him. You’re worth more than that.”
Tears began forming and I nodded. We both sat in silence for what felt like forever until he stood and offered his hand to help me up.
“I hate to leave you alone but I have to get back to work.” He sadly said.
“Right, sorry.” I mumbled and began to make my way home.
“Before you go, I didn’t get your name” He said
“Oh right, it’s Y/N.” I answered.
He smiled at me, “Y/N, the name suits you.”
I laughed, “Thanks?”
“I’m Jimin by the way”
It was around three days later when Yoongi texted you.
“I miss you Y/N, I’m sorry about everything.”
I stared at the text for the longest time and debated on replying or not. And about an hour later I gave in and replied. This was a cycle, he always apologized after ignoring me for days, knowing I would be waiting. Dammit why was I so weak when it came to him? It was like he had me under a spell and I couldn’t do anything about it.
“Can I come over right now?” another text read.
I answered a quick yes and made my way to the shower so I can look like I wasn’t miserable the past few weeks. About 30 minutes later he was at the door.
“Hey babygirl.” He said smiling.
I felt my cheeks getting hot “Hey Yoongi.” I said while leading him inside.
He took off his jacket and shoes and made himself comfortable.
I laughed to myself thinking back to memories when Yoongi would come over right after work tired and fall asleep on my bed. Or back to the first summer of us dating when he would be at my house and we would watch stupid reality TV shows, eating pizza, and enjoying each other’s company. Back when I was his everything, back when we were invincible. The older we got, the more I thought things were getting better. We were becoming more mature and we both knew what we wanted. A future together. I never expected months later for that to suddenly change.
I snapped back to reality when Yoongi cleared his throat. “Listen, I’m really sorry about-”
I stopped him, “No don’t worry about it, it was my fault.” I said quietly.
His face softened “No I shouldn’t have ignored you.”
“It’s fine..really.” I answered.
He forced a smile, “H-how have you been?” He asked.
“It doesn’t matter honestly-”
“It does matter Y/N, even if you don’t believe it, I care so much.” He stated.
I started biting my nails, it was a really bad habit of mine. But whenever I get nervous I don’t know what else to do.
“You’re nervous.” He said.
I looked up embarrassed “I-I’m sorry.”
He cupped my face in hands and looked me in the eyes, “It’s me Y/N, your Yoongi don’t be nervous around me.”
He crashed his lips into mine and before I could process what was happening, I realized I was kissing him back. He deepened the kiss and before I knew it I was reaching to take his shirt off.
He stopped me. “Do you want this as bad as I do?”
I nodded and continued kissing him and led him to my bedroom.
I woke up hours later to the sound of Yoongi’s phone ringing. I groaned and nudged him to wake up to answer the phone. To my surprise however, he declined it. I shot him a confused look, “Shouldn’t you answer her?”
He shook his head, “I just want to enjoy our time together right now.” I smiled and he wrapped me in his arms. As much as I hate the situation we’re in, being with him is the only thing that can make me happy.
“I want to try and end things with her.”
My head snapped up at his sudden words, “Do you really?” I asked.
“I don’t know what I’m doing Y/N, I want to make things right for us so bad.”
“Yoongi, you know what to do to fix this.” I said softly.
He stayed quiet for a long time. I didn’t care though, just the simple words he said made me see that maybe just maybe.. it was worth waiting around for him. The sleepless nights, endless crying, everything could finally stop.
“I’m going to see her soon and I promise that I will fight for us.”
“Forever and always right?” I said.
“Forever and always.”
The next couple of days were a breeze. I managed to catch up on sleep which I’ve been so badly. I went out with friends after canceling so many times when I was down. Yoongi and I were talking just like before. I was happy. I knew it was going to take some time for us to get back together and I was happy to wait as long as he fought for us. Although I was waiting for the message informing me that he finally left her, I didn’t want to seem like I was pressuring him.
I was laying on my couch catching up on shows I’ve missed while eating ice cream, when I got a text from Namjoon asking to hang out. I smiled at myself and instantly replied telling him yes. My heart dropped suddenly remembering how much I have been shutting him out ever since this happened. Namjoon worked in the music industry and was extremely busy but he always made time for his best friend. We grew up together and he was always the one person I went to when I needed someone. Namjoon always acted like an older brother to me, a very overprotective brother I must add. When I first started dating Yoongi you can bet he didn’t approve, but as time passed he eventually accepted him. I instantly felt a wave of guilt realizing I hadn’t even told him about what happened between Yoongi and I. He knew me well enough to know that there’s something wrong just by the look on my face. I debated with myself on calling him and telling him that something came up, but I knew that would only make it worse- I never canceled on Namjoon, no matter how busy I was. Even though I wanted to avoid talking about it, I knew I had to tell my best friend. I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my phone buzz besides me.
“Let’s go to dinner then? Usual place :)” the text read. I laughed to myself knowing that no matter how more successful he got, he still loved our tradition of going out for a greasy slice of pizza and a beer. I sent a quick reply and dashed to the shower to start getting ready. “Goodness Y/N what are you going to tell Namjoon?” I thought to myself. I knew I couldn’t keep this from him, he would only blame himself saying he wasn’t there enough. I quickly put together an outfit and applied makeup to look a bit more alive. Thirty minutes later, I was finally ready and out the door to my car. Well…it’s now or never.
I got to our favorite pizza place and ordered food for the both of us. Namjoon was always late, even if it was something really important. Ever since we were kids he had a habit of showing up late. I didn’t mind though and took our food to an empty table. I occupied myself with my phone and it wasn’t until 15 minutes later that he finally got here. “Y/N I’m so glad to see you!” Namjoon happily says. My face lights up and I immediately give him the biggest hug. “I haven’t seen you in so long!” I say as we both sit down, “I know I’m so sorry I’ve been so busy.” He replies with a slight frown on his face. I shot him a look, “Don’t worry, I understand just don’t forget about your best friend.”
“Never will” He says while taking a bite of his food. I smiled and started eating, “So how’s work been?” “Tiring, busy, you name it.. I don’t care much since I’m doing something I love.” He happily replied.
“I’m proud of you and I’m so glad to hear that.” I say while taking a sip of my soda.
For the next hour we talked about memories when we were younger and catching up with each other. I completely forgot about what has been going on with me since I was so happy being with my best friend. That is, until the dreaded question came.
“So how are things going with Yoongi?” He curiously asked. My face instantly dropped and I frowned. “F-Fine, we are doing fine.” I quietly answered.
Namjoon raised his eyebrow at me and scanned my face long and hard, “You’re not telling me the truth.” He stated. I didn’t answer him and instead looked down and started biting my nails.
“You’re nervous Y/N what’s wrong?” At this point I felt the tears forming in my eyes and I felt like I was going to barf all the food I had just ate. I didn’t want to tell him, but at the same time I did. My heart was racing and my head felt like it was going to explode.
“Y/N what the hell happened?” He asked again. I sighed, “I just… we broke up but we’re trying to work things out.”
“Why did you guys break up?” He quickly asked.
“I don’t know.” I lied. I gulped hoping he would believe me but I knew there was no way he would. If I told him what Yoongi did, Namjoon would not let me anywhere close to him.
“Don’t lie to me Y/N.” I could tell he was losing patience.
“Namjoon-” I began.
“He cheated on me.” I murmured avoiding to meet his gaze.
Silence. For a while there was just silence. I refused to look up and say anything else. I was embarrassed, scared, I felt pathetic.
My head shot up when I heard Namjoon chuckle. I looked at him confused not knowing what to say, I met his eyes and boy was he pissed.
“You’re telling me that you’re willing to make things work with him again?” He rhetorically asked.
“I know you’re upset and I don’t blame you for it, but I’m willing to stay until he leaves her.” I mumbled.
His eyes widened and his face turned red, “LEAVES HER? You mean he left you for some girl? And you’re still around?” He started yelling.
Tears started falling down my face “Please don’t be upset.” I choked out.
He snorted, “Upset? Nope. I’m furious. It’s taking everything I have not to leave right now and kill that bastard.”
“No Y/N, I am not going to let you sit there and stick around until he decides to fucking value you. You deserve to find happiness and all he is doing is causing you pain.” I didn’t say anything and instead stayed quiet. He stood up and led me out the restaurant. “Let’s get you home.”
I nodded and followed him out, the cold air hit me as soon as we got out the door and I immediately regretted not bringing a sweater with me. I looked down on my phone and I saw missed calls from Yoongi. I bit my lip in confusion considering he never calls me. I decided I’d get back to him once I got home.
We made it to my car and I looked up at my best friend. Disappointment was written all over his face and I took a deep breath.
“Can we please talk tomorrow Y/N? I need to make sure you’re okay.”
“Of course. I’m sorry for ruining our night.”
He gave me a sympathetic look, “Stop, I haven’t been around much and I’m sorry for that. I promise I’ll be there more regardless of my job. I need to protect my best friend.”
I smiled at him, “Love you Joonie, get home safe?”
“Text me once you’re home alright?” He added while opening my car door.
“I will,” I said while giving him the biggest hug.
As soon as I stepped into my apartment I dialed Yoongi before doing anything else. To my surprise he didn’t answer and I frowned. I quickly sent him a text and got ready for bed. As I was just about to close my eyes, my phone rang. Groaning, I reached over and picked up without even checking who it was.
“Hello?” I groggily say.
“Y/N are you up?” The other person said and I instantly knew the voice.
“I was just about to fall asleep Yoongi, but what’s up?” I replied.
He sighed, “Can we talk?”
I frowned at the sound of his voice, “uh sure.”
“I’ll be at your place in 10 minutes.” And with that, he hung up.
Before I knew it there was knocking on the door and I immediately got up to open the door.
Yoongi looked tired, saddened, and just… different. He awkwardly walked in with his head down and I knew something was wrong. My stomach dropped, “What’s wrong Yoongi?” I whispered and reached out to hold his hand. He flinched and pulled back without looking up at me.
He let out a deep breath, “I’m sorry Y/N.”
And that’s when my world came crashing down again.
The sound of rain against my window helped distract me from my endless thoughts of pure emptiness. I continued to play with the food that I didn’t even bother to eat and sat in silence.
It had been weeks that I had a decent meal, much less smiled. I debated many times calling Namjoon, but I always fought against that thinking he was too busy. He checked in a couple times over text but I was good at feeding him lies on how I was okay. Although he was my best friend, I just didn’t want to burden him again.
The day Yoongi came, I knew he changed his mind about coming back to me. He still texted though, and I knew that I was hurting myself way more by still sticking around. Soon enough text messages came almost once a week and I could tell he was distancing himself. What made things worse was that he flaunted his new relationship on social media, and that hurt more than anything. Yoongi was never one to brag about someone, unless the person meant a lot to him.
I was laying on my bed after coming home from a night with my friends and I was happy considering I haven’t felt this alive for about three months. I tried my best to shut the thought of him out of my head and I did what I thought was best… move on. I constantly told myself that nothing will bring me back to how I was when I was so low and needed to be strong. I was getting ready for bed and I checked my phone one last time before I decided to sleep.
And that was a big mistake. My heart dropped as I paused on a post Yoongi had uploaded of them together. I felt my throat close and tears well up in my eyes, fuck. Why the hell does this shit affect me so much? Before I knew it I was sobbing and all the feelings I was trying to avoid came rushing back. Without thinking I threw some shoes on and ran out my front door not caring how loud I slammed it. I was halfway down the street when I realized I forgot my phone and I sighed. I quickly figured I didn’t need it and continued walking. I eventually made it to the spot next to the gym I always came too and sat down breathing in the cool air. My mind began to wander and my thoughts were interrupted by a cough next to me. I shot my head up and met Jimin’s face. “Haven’t seen you in awhile.” He says. “Almost thought you got back with him.” He added. I looked away not responding, it’s almost pathetic how bad I wish that was what happened.
I heard him awkwardly sit next to me and from the corner of my eye I can see he was thinking on what to say next.
“Please don’t feel sorry for me” I mumble while trying to blink the tears forming in my eyes.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.
“Honestly? No. I don’t. I want everything to be okay with us, I want things to be how they were back then. I want him to be happy with just me.” I admitted. “Do you know how stupid I feel? How pitiful I look?”
“You’re not stupid for wanting that, you have every right to feel all these emotions. But Y/N please don’t let him have so much control over you. He’s not worth it.” He grabbed my face and made me look at him, “Please Y/N.” He pulled me in for a hug and just as I was about to answer him a deep voice beat me to it.
“What the hell is going on?”
I panicked quickly getting up and moving away from Jimin. “Yoongi?” I practically yelled.
author’s note: ahhh i really hope you guys liked it! I am not confident in my writing yet but i’m getting there! i wrote this after my relationship fell apart, and although I’m still getting over it, writing makes me feel so much better.