this is why i am a still life person

10

Books That Will Change Your Life (1/?) :  

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything… affects everything.”
Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why

We haven’t talked for such a long time, I can’t even recall the exact sound of your voice. I don’t remember your laugh - I remember the crinkles by your eyes and that dimple on your cheek and how it deepens - but I don’t know what it feels like to hear it, how it once made my heart swell in my chest, not anymore. And yet I’m sure that if I heard a million people laugh, yours would still stand out to me and maybe I’d turn around to look for the source and wonder how something so simple is enough to make my blood sing. We miss the memories, not the person, is what my father used to say, but how can he explain why I drop everything when I hear that one song we used to dance to and why that blue sweater you borrowed me still sits at the bottom of my closet when I could have thrown it away? How does missing someone make any sense when that person is still around, is somehow still a part of your life? How am I supposed to get over that? How does anyone?
—  missing you / n.j.
Guys My Age (1)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 2554

Warnings: Lap dancing. ANGST.

Summary: You’re playing truth or dare with the Avengers when Nat asks you when the last time you got laid was  and Sam dares you to pick a song that perfectly grasps why you haven’t had sex in so long.

A/N: Thanks for the anon who recommended this song. I thank the heavens I found it because it’s so fucking relevant. I can’t seem to write smut without just a tinsy bit of a plot. But here you go.

Permanent tag list: @meganlane84

Part 2

Originally posted by haidaspicciare

Keep reading

popular text posts + ask memes

❛ i don’t know what i’m doing with my life, but i know i’m doing it wrong ❜
❛ i am so cute and bitter ❜
❛ my life is one part ‘wait’ and another part ‘what’ ❜
❛ my #1 talent is saying stupid things to people and immediately regretting it ❜
❛ i love sleeping to avoid problems ❜
❛ i hate myself a lot but i get offended when other people do ❜
❛ i’m hungrier than the neopet i neglected for nine years ❜
❛ hit me up if you wanna date a piece of shit ❜
❛ we need some new and more powerful swears ❜
❛ i get progressively uglier throughout the day ❜
❛ i’m so miserable, but i laugh at everything ❜
❛ i need something that is more than coffee, but less than cocaine ❜
❛ just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. it’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot. ❜
❛ 90 out of 10 people agree that math is fucking lame ❜
❛ if you think i’m ugly now, you should have seen me in 2009 ❜
❛ 2010 me would literally be terrified of 2016 me and i love it ❜
❛ i have a rare skin condition called close the fucking blinds ❜
❛ hey babe, i made you this mixtape for valentines day. i don’t know many love songs, so it’s just uptown funk 18 times in a row. ❜
❛ there are people who know me in real life who think i’m straight and that’s really funny to me ❜
❛ i was cursed with expensive taste and a low budget ❜
❛ yo dude i trusted you wtf the fuck? what the fuck?? what the fuck what the ❜
❛ open flannel shirts and lingerie are the hottest thing and nobody can convince me otherwise ❜
❛ i’m the weird dad, wine mom, vodka aunt, and gay emo cousin all in one person ❜
❛ that awful moment when you wake up ❜
❛ damn haha i’m going to have to deal with that sooner or later ❜
❛ are we gonna fucking hold hands tonight or what bitch ❜
❛ people our age have children what the hell i am a children ❜
❛ i don’t like your clothes. take them off. ❜
❛ why am i only motivated to sort my life out at 4 am? ❜
❛ after i die, i’ll probably still complain ❜
❛ people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel ❜
❛ if i don’t insult you daily, it means i don’t like you ❜
❛ do something with your life that would make a 1950s straight white man angry ❜
❛ i need to get laid… to rest. put me in a coffin. let my soul ascend. ❜
❛ i’m trying to be a better person, but some people are testing me ❜
❛ i’m overstressed and underfucked ❜
❛ i can’t wait to be a piece of shit with a bachelors degree ❜
❛ my emo phase never went away, it just aged like fine wine ❜
❛ my whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment ❜
❛ i don’t have time for people who don’t believe in aliens ❜
❛ the lack of cuddling i am experiencing right now is upsetting ❜
❛ why do good concert tickets happen to bad people ❜
❛ i can’t play hard to get i’m already hard to want ❜
❛ i’m still pissed off about growing up ❜
❛ if you listen carefully, you can hear me whisper ‘shut the fuck up’ at least once every five minutes ❜
❛ when i die i want my heart donated to NASA so they can finally see what a black hole looks like up close ❜

❛ single and ready to take a 20 hour nap ❜
❛ write ‘nothing is set in stone’ on my grave as both a witty joke and a subtle warning that i will be back ❜
❛ how do people even put up with me like i can’t even put up with me ❜
❛ the opening riff to mr. brightside could literally raise me from the dead ❜
❛ stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical  ❜
❛ sorry, i’m poor. i can’t afford to pay attention ❜
❛ aziz ansari’s voice in the back of my head faintly telling me to treat myself is going to be my downfall ❜
❛ is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep? ❜
❛ my neutral expression makes me look like i’m always in a bad mood which is convenient because it’s usually true ❜
❛ i never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something is coming ❜

anonymous asked:

What's your favourite piece of art and who created it?

It’s like picking one of your favourite children, isn’t it? (I don’t like children but hey, the comparison still works)

So, that’s the most difficult and unanswerable question to ask me, I guess. I can tell you about one piece I love, and why I love it, but keep in mind that it is one of many. It’s a work by Arnold Böcklin, a Swiss Symbolist painter. I’ve seen multiple versions of it, but it’s this one that always draws me in and does not let me go:

It’s called Die Toteninsel, which translates as ‘the Island of the Dead’. This version was painted in 1883 and is currently in the collection of the Alte Nationalgalerie in Berlin.

I don’t know what it is about the painting that fascinates me. I think it’s beautifully painted, the colours and the technique are ‘my aesthetic’, as the kids on the internet call it these days (I’m not old but sometimes I feel like a grandma). The juxtaposition of the figure in white and the darkness of the trees is amazing.

It’s the uncanny feeling of the darkness behind the trees surrounded by rocks that draws me in. What’s behind the trees? Who are those people in the boat? Where do they come from? Where do they go? Why does it look like Stonehenge and some rocks made a baby and it became this island? What’s up with the clouds, is it going to rain soon or will the sun break through? Is there an afterlife? Did Marion Zimmer Bradley encounter this painting and thought “YES this is my Avalon”? Why can’t one understand all about the mysteries of life? What even is life? What is death?

Most of all: why am I asking myself all these questions when I’m looking at a painting? I can give you an answer to that. Works of art can do something to a person. They can make you smile, cry, but most of all: they can make you think. What I like about this particular work is that it’s a story, and it’s not finished. It’s just a fragment. We don’t know how it started, we don’t know where it will end. It leaves so much to our imagination.

If you’re still reading this, thank you for putting up with the incoherent stream of words that make up my thoughts. I don’t know where they come from either. This is what happens when I get a question that I find hard to answer. I actually do love writing about artworks, even if it’s just something like this. Your questions are always welcome, but it can happen that the answer is a bit… vague. :)

If they’re smart enough to be doctors, they’re smart enough to learn to say your name correctly.
— 

My resident.

I don’t have a common typical English name. My name is unique to my culture. It’s always been difficult always being different, an outsider. Especially growing up in the US south. But that’s a different story.

There are two schools of thought on my name: “oh cool so exactly as it’s spelled” and “what in the actual fuck I don’t even know where to start.” The latter are always the loudest and most obnoxious.

First days of school were the worst growing up. I would usually keep track of where in the alphabet the teacher was on roll call and knew she was looking at my name when there was a long pause. I would fake a laugh, raise my hand, and tell them my name. Everyone else would laugh along. I hated it, I was so embarrassed. Why couldn’t I have been named Ashley or Catherine or Megan? Life would have been so much easier.

I grew up to embrace my name and love it. I love my culture, our history is awesome, and my name is badass. I’ve only met one other person with my name and she’s ten years younger than I am and lives in Canada. But my acceptance doesn’t mean everyone else has had the same epiphany about my name. I still get the same looks, well-intentioned but rude comments, and confused stares from all the Caroline’s, Katelyn’s, and Lauren’s.

Some days I own it with a bad ass “no it’s not hard, you’re being dramatic, it’s easy to say and really cool” attitude. Sometimes I have rhyming tricks that I personally HATE but understand it’s a necessary evil because some people have tiny minds and need the extra help. And then I throw in a little history lesson because damn, some people.

But some days I’m exhausted, and I can’t argue and stand up for myself. Some days I’m tired and defeated and I let it go, “I know, it’s hard, a lot of people have trouble. It’s okay.”

My resident caught me on one of those nights. I was on hour 14 of the work day, scrubbing in for yet another surgery. She didn’t keep asking my name because she couldn’t pronounce it, but because she genuinely couldn’t remember what it was because she was having a very similar kind of day.

No one has ever said anything like that to me before. I was too tired at the time to understand and appreciate what she said, but it’s been resonating with me ever since. She’s fucking right. If you’re comfortable speaking in medical jargon with our made-up sounding words, you can say my name. It’s not hard, it’s not my fault you can’t say it, and no, you can’t make up a nickname for me. ✋🏼

Depression is not beautiful.

Anxiety is not adorable.

Suicidal thought is not romantic.

Dissociation is not sweet day-dreaming.

Self-harm is nothing to be proud of.

Mental illnesses don’t make you edgy, nor wise. They are disgusting feelings that haunt you everyday and night. They are the reason why your life falls apart and you always feel miserable.

Stop romanticizing mental illnesses. Thank you.

Thoughts & Predictions: Chap 91

Ahh this chapter. I can’t even lie, after reading it all the way through; I absolutely love it. There is SO much to build off of here and so many directions Isayama could take this in but, knowing how this story is and seeing the subtle (not really) drops of foreshadowing in this chapter has me super excited. This makes for an interesting read because I’m 90% sure these fresh-faced kiddos are in for a very rude awakening when they see the reality of the world they live in.

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is canon or completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, that’s perfectly fine! Everyone has a different point of view, but if you are going to send me messages trying to argue point of views with me or send me hate messages, do me a favor and please just don’t even bother. 

“HOW DO YOU DESTROY A MONSTER WITHOUT BECOMING ONE?”

This is one of my favorite questions asked in the series because it perfectly sums up a lot of the picture Isayama is trying to portray in this universe. Where do you draw the line between someone who still retains a glimmer of humanity, and a monster? 

  • Man-eating titans who were once human. 
  • Human’s who can shift into man-eating titans. 
  • Human’s who sacrifice their morals for the sake of victory. 
  • Humans who sacrifice their morals for the sake of power. 
  • Humans who sacrifice humans all to achieve a goal. 

Where in all of this does humanity as a whole fall? Now that we see the state of the world outside of the walls, I cannot help but to think back to this conversation between Eren and Pixis here from chapter 12:

Eren, our “jump-the-gun” protag, calls out all of humanity right there. He see’s a bigger picture and graps it. Not to its full extent just yet but, he’s close.

So, what now? It’s been four years since this scene. The titans have been exterminated, the secret of the walls has been revealed, and so has their true enemy; other humans. So, what will they do? Will they kill everyone who gets in their way or will they finally unite? And if they do… How will that happen? 

Keep in mind that I am not just referring to the walled Eldians here. I’m talking about the ones across the sea as well. 

Will the Eldian people as a whole unite together to take down Marley and finally gain true freedom? Or will they kill each other because they stand at opposite ends of the same goal? 

I think there are TWO reasons Isayama jumped over to this group on the mainland so suddenly. Reason number one being to reveal this big guy right here:

FINALLY WE SEE THE NINTH TITAN! The Jaws Titan. I have no idea what he can do but, I am still super excited that we FINALLY know what he looks like. Let’s all be real, he looks badass. Plus, his role is bound to be an important one.

I believe the second reason Isayama hopped over to the mainland was to make us see the struggle of the Eldian people across the sea just so we would ask ourselves this question: 

Who actually is the “true enemy”

Is it Marley because of how they treat the Eldian people? Is it the rest of the world for waging war against Marley? Is it the mainland Eldian people who fight for Marley? Is it the Eldians of Paradis Island who fight against them and are called demons? 

Truthfully, I don’t think there is a correct answer here even though I’m sure we can all agree that the Marlian government is now the biggest issue. Still though, the lack of balance in this situation makes it all the more difficult to decide which side is right and which one is wrong.

On one hand, we see Eren and his group questioning whether or not killing other people will actually free them. We’ve seen Eren struggle to kill Annie which in turn gave her an out. We see Eren keep an important truth to himself in order to protect Historia’s life. We see Armin struggle with accepting that he shot and killed someone. We see Jean struggle time and time again with killing throughtout the entire series. We see Jean, Sasha, and Connie cry when they think they’ve killed Reiner. But at the same time, we also see what happened to the people of Stohess. We see the lives Erwin sacrificed. The people Levi has tortured or killed. We see what happened with Bertoldt. Killing one to save another and so on. We have SEEN the struggle of those in the walls and how hard it has been to retain even a semblance of humanity in their hearts. 

Then we see these new kids in the middle of a body strung battlefield discussing who’s going to win the opportunity to eat one of their own people and become a warrior. We see them calm and collected on the front lines. We see kids who are more than willing to take human life and who see no qualms in death. These are kids who are outright cannon fodder and they are, for the most part, completely chill about it. These are kids who have obviously also struggled but, in an entirely different way. To them, humans are evil if they are different. They haven’t lived through the struggle of Titans roaming their lands. They have NO IDEA what their distant people have suffered, and they have been brainwashed to believe that people who share the same blood as them deserve that fate. 

They believe they are the better Eldians. That they are the good ones. 

The only remaining people left in this story who could tie such vastly different thinking poeple together and give them a common ground to stand on are Zeke, Reiner, and Annie. 

I don’t see it being Zeke tbh but, I truly believe that ONE of the original titan trio will need to survive in order to make this happen and to also tell their full story, and I (personally) think that person will end up being Annie. It is really hard for me to see Reiner making it back to Paradis Island for a number of reasons. The main one being that the Marlian government is already trying to basically Hunger Games his power off. Annie though, she is already on the island. Still in her crystal and most likely still alive. Hence why she is being guarded underground. Those in the walls still believe her to be a threat and if she is still alive, being in the crystal probably prolonged her life with the titan ability. 

She sympathized with those in the walls. She did not want to carry out the mission in full and that was made very clear quite a few chapters ago. If there is one person from the mainland who can shine light on the entire situation for both ends of the Eldian people as a whole; it will most likely be her. 

However, I am not ruling Reiner out juuuuuuuuust yet. He does have respect for some of those in the walls and if there is one person who can help him get back to the Island in order to escape the Marlian government. It’s Zeke. 

Not only does Zeke have his own reason to escape since they are also trying to tranfer his power to someone else; but he also has a reason to return to the island beyond saving his own life. 

Saving Eren’s (or so he believes). 

I doubt highly that Zeke would leave Reiner to be eaten considering he’d probably need Reiner’s help in escaping. Not to mention that Zeke has already saved Reiner once before. 

What would have been the point of this scene right here if Isayama just planned to have the both of them easily killed off?

Let me go ahead and throw this out there. I DO NOT SEE ZEKE DYING ANYTIME SOON. Not just because of the unfinished plot points shown above but, also because of this extremely important and unfinished plot point too:

There is no way Isayama will just leave this as unfinished business, which brings me back to the kiddos in the trench in chapter 91. 

It’s obvious that the Marley government cannot continue to opporate as it does. It’s also obvious that these kids have seen war and have faced cruelty. But, they don’t know what it’s like to face titans. They probably have no idea what it means to be a warrior because If they did, I doubt they’d be so eagery hashing it out in the middle of a battlefield to gain said abilites. Cutting your life down to 13 years all for the sake of commiting mass genocide for a government that hates you and your people regardless of which land you stand on.

I’m sure that at this point, Reiner, who has lived on both sides, has asked himself what exactly he fought for and has wondered which side was right. Especially when I look back and wonder if the Marlian government ever informed their warriors that they’d only have 13 years left to live after gaining their power. Was it worth it to Reiner? To fight and kill just to be fed off to someone else once he became too weak? 

Was Bertoldt’s death really so cruel when he would have had to face the exact same fate at the hand of the government he faught and killed for once he returned to the home he so desperately missed?   

This doesn’t look like the face of a man who would say “yes”…

Ignorant, hopeful kids that are fighting to become monster’s in order to gain freedom stand on one side of the sea, and newly grown adults that are struggling to remain hopeful and that are fighting to retain their humanity in order to gain freedom stand on the other side. 

So where do you find some middleground?

The only three that remain and can stand in the middle are Zeke, Reiner, and Annie (maybe Armin if he has Bertl’s memories). Humans that can turn into man-eating titans that have seen what it is like on both ends of the spectrum. Beings that are both human’s and monsters. Reiner and Annie have lived it while Zeke is still ignorant to life in the walls. However, I do no see Zeke dying as I stated before.

So, will one of the Marlian warriors help bring human’s of the same origin together to change the world they live in? Will they come together against the common enemy of the Marley government? Or will they be doomed and continue to repeat history and fight and kill each other due to ignorance and misplaced hate?  

I have no idea but, I am hopeful for the Eldian people as a whole. They all want to be free from the prisons that hold them. Whether it be the districts on the mainland, or the Walls on the island. They all just want to fly and the only way they’ll truly be able to achieve that is if they all unite. 

How do you destroy a monster without becoming one?

By keeping your heart and mind open, even in the wages of war. If you want to fly like a bird, you have to be willing to see beyond the cage that holds you and share the sky with others who only wish to spread their wings just like you. 

Nine months after the end of my last homosexual relationship, when I promised the Lord that I would honor Him in all areas of my life, I finally told my liberal non-Catholic mother that I left the homosexual lifestyle. It didn’t go over well. I am still the same loving person with a heart for helping others. The difference is that I’m Catholic now. I don’t know why I’m looked at differently.

Please pray for the both of us. Thank you.

So like ?? I’m feeling bleh?? I feel kind of burnt out but still feel pressure to continue making content consistently on YT, I dunno?? I’m also just worried about other life stuff in general, even though like, life is going overall pretty well, cool things are happening. It just seems like a lot of waiting for things to fall into place now… Lot of it depends on where I will end up this summer.

I don’t know, bleh. I used to want to stay up 24/7 editing–dont get me wrong, I still LOVE it, I just think I need to chill Out for like Ten Seconds also,, you feel me.?? I kind of feel like trying some random project I’ve never done before, just like a personal project to explore stuff. Like I’ve thought about trying to make an animatic of a story idea I have. but it feels like there’s never time because as soon as I put out one video, i start working on the next one, and also i work full time at my day job doing QA (which I love but you know it’s time consuming and takes Energy) and also pursuing the voice acting thing… I feel like this post is portraying this as a lot worse than it actually is, I am pretty much super happy with where my life is right now, but I also feel like I want to continue to grow, and I’m afraid of stagnating I guess?? I don’t know why I’m posting this here but I just wanna let u all know Where I’m At and Be Real, plus it just helps to write it all down.

Anyways this is my ramblings nightposting etc @staff my icon is still broken please fix it

I am a child of divorce,
my parents haven’t been together since I was 8,
and when I tell people that, their response is usually the words “I’m sorry” and
I see the pity in their eyes and I want to say, “I’m not”
because my life would be so different if they were still together, because I would be a different person, because I don’t want to think about who I’d be if he was still a part of my family.
see, I don’t talk about why my parents got divorced and it’s not exactly a secret, it’s just not something I talk about unless it’s brought up.
see, I don’t hide it, I just don’t talk about it because I don’t know how to make the words “my dad was abusive” or “my dad was a manipulative bastard” or “my dad hurt my family more than he helped it” sound less horrible because I don’t know how to handle the false sympathy or the pity
or the way my friends just don’t know what to say

I remember the day they told me that they were splitting up, or rather,
I remember crying at our kitchen table and I remember that I was confused because I was too young to really know what was going on in my own home
see, I didn’t experience the abuse first hand until I was 8.
but now I’m 17 and I am still flinching from the resounding sound of a heavy hand on a fragile face, and I am still flinching from the feeling of being hit
I am still trying to breathe past the pillow he shoved over my face
I am still reeling from a nightmare I had nearly 7 years ago where all that happened was he showed his face in my dreams
I am still looking over my shoulder and bracing myself before I round every corner because I am always on edge and I am always wondering if he will be waiting in the shadows

you see, it took me years to be comfortable making eye contact with people again and even now, it gets hard sometimes
you see, I went to therapy every week with my brothers and I still remember the anxiety before every one
you see, I was forced to see him every week because the court officials didn’t listen when we said, “no, I don’t want to see him” and I still remember the unease and the anger and the frustration that they didn’t listen just because we were kids
well, listen up, because kids can recognize when they are in a bad situation too

and you can say that I’m from a broken home and you might be right but I can tell you that my home is more whole without him in it,
I can tell you that I am better off without a father because my mother is better and stronger than he could ever be

I am a child of a single mother because even when my dad was here, he never lifted a finger to help
I hope I can paint a picture of a fierce warrior because that’s what my mother is.
she is putting on her battle armor everyday and she is fighting to stay alive, to live, to survive
and so am I

—  for the children of divorce // 6.15.16

Things I Learned From Shadowhunters o2.o7:

o1. i’m getting significant voldemort vibes from valentine.
o2. FATTY TUNA IS DEGRADING
o3. Simon is the cutest thing in the world and he needs to be protected at all costs. (Preferably by Raphael?)
o4. OH GOD PLEASE JOIN THEM. I AM SO OKAY WITH ALEC WALKING IN ON JACE HAVING SEX.
o5. Alec being too embarrassed to look at Jace is such quality content. Bless you, Shadowhunters.
o6. DID CLIZZY JUST BREAK UP.
o7. I am so turned on by Magnus holy shit.
o8. MY FRIEND JEM IT’S FINE I’M FINE.
09. Luke just looking at his sister as she bleeds out on the floor made me laugh so hard. Am I a bad person?
1o. 23 minutes in and still no Raphael. Why am I watching this show again?
11. WILL YOU BE MY OBI WAN?
12. I question Clary’s life choices frequently.
13. I take it back, that was smart, Clary.
14. DAZZLE ME.
15. Simon’s mind is so blown oh my God, I need more scenes with Simon and Jace.
16. Alec: I don’t overthink things. Also Alec: Overthinks overthinking.
17. okay but the way alec is cluching magnus’ shirt right now excuse me i’m dying
18. that pout though.
19. JACE THREATENING MAGNUS. THIS IS GOOD SHIT.
2o. OH GOD GET OFF THE ROOF ALEC THIS IS NOT GOOD SHIT.

Political Animals-Part 7

This is an A/B/O AU.  You are the Omega artist daughter of Naomi Novak, a world-class heart surgeon who is running  for Mayor of New York City.  After a meeting where your mother’s advisors call you a “liability”, she tells you that if you don’t do as your told she will cut you off.  You storm out and wind up in a bar a few blocks away.

The hottest Alpha you have EVER laid eyes on with a scent so mouthwatering you’re practically drooling offers to buy you a drink.  It’s just a drink, right? What do you have to lose? Only everything.

Characters: Omega! Reader, Beta! Naomi Novak, Alpha! Castiel Novak, Omega! Meg Novak, Claire Novak, Jimmy Novak, Alpha! Sam Winchester, Alpha! Dean Winchester, Alpha! John Winchester, Omega! Jo Harvelle

Big thanks to @moansmisha  for letting me use some of her ideas from this post.

Master List

Part 1 (all parts are linked)

Parts in bold are text messages

“Hi Cas.  It’s me.” 

“Y/N?  Are you okay? I’ve been worried sick!  I was going to come over but Meg told me the last thing you needed during your heat was me in your face.” Cas said as soon as he heard my voice.  “Why didn’t you tell me about you and Sam?”

“It all happened so suddenly, Cas.  So how did Mom find out?  Do I even want to ask how she took the news?” I asked tentatively.

“Mad doesn’t begin to cover it.  You need to go see her, Y/N.” Cas said urgently.

I sighed, the burden of everything suddenly weighing me down.  “Tell Mom I will be over in a bit.”

“I love you no matter what happens, you know that, right?” Cas whispered.

“I never doubted it for a second.  Love you too, Bro.  I’ll see you soon.” I said as I ended the call.

Sam wiped my tears away gently with the pad of his thumb.  “I’m glad they know, Y/N.  I don’t want to sneak around anymore.  I want people to know your mine.”

“I love you, Sam.”  I said as I pressed a kiss on his hand.  “I think it’s high time my mother and I had a chat, don’t you?”

Keep reading

I need your help.

Pairing : Crowley x Daughter!Reader, Dean x Soulmate!Reader, Sam
Word count : 7594
Author : Mel
Request : @angsty-unicorn - What if Crowley raised Reader.

A/N : I decided to go with Reader only meeting Sam and Dean later in life when Crowley needs help.

SLD 1 year Celebration Masterlist



Sam and Dean were in the library, two laptops on the table, but one with their nose in a book. Dean jumped when he appeared. “Jesus Christ, Crowley.” He growled. Sam looked up confused. The demon looked afraid.

“I need your help.”


You stood under the warm shower spray just starting to rinse your hair, and suddenly the water was gone. With closed eyes, you reached out and felt a tap. Sighing, you turned the water back on and leaned your head back as you turned. That’s when you realized it felt different under your feet. Wiggling your toes you realized you were standing on tile. Your shower was stone.

Wiping your eyes, you cracked one and looked around. You growled as you finished up rinsing and turned off the water. Lucky for you, there was a decent sized towel near by, and you wrapped it around yourself before walking out of the large room, not caring that you were dripping everywhere.

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sometimes i feel so fucking alone inside of my own head.
its the repeated whispers of my thoughts that echo through out my resolve.
like a movie, every demon in my life, is here.
pause. play. stop. rewind.
sometimes i don’t want to be inside of my own skin anymore.
i need to take back control
and i need to be in charge.
i’m tired of facing a cliche fucking world that’s full of color.
why have i only ever been able to see in black and white?
i am so fucking tired of feeling numb.
and no matter how many bruises end up on my knuckles,
or cuts that bleed from my wrists,
i still feel nothing.
i, am fucking nothing.
—  sometimes, a cry for help is silent.
I Knew I Would See You Again (”Why Now?” Part 2) - Jughead Jones Imagine (Riverdale)

Part 1 | Part 3

 

Hello again, I noticed that you liked my first imagine „Why Now?” and I decided to do a part two of it! Some people also asked me to. I am very happy that you liked part one, you guys amazed me! I really didn’t expect that, thank you for reading it! If you didn’t read „Why Now?” and just came across this imagine, please click above on Part 1 to read, although you will not understand anything. I also made a special page where I will post all of my Imagines. It’s down here:

 

Imagines

 

About this part I still don’t have any warnings to do because it’s too innocent, haha. I don’t own any of the TV series’s rights and the persons I’m mentioning here aren’t like that in the real life. This is just a story made up by me, meaning that the descriptions of the characters that I’m writing about are based on how the Riverdale’s cast is portraying them. It’s a work of fiction. Enjoy your reading. xx


PLOT: You stayed in Houston for a year. During all this time, you’ve managed to get in touch with your friends who have made you aware of everything that has happened in Riverdale so far. Even so, you missed them a lot and as soon as summer came, you informed your parents that you are going back to your hometown to celebrate your  18th birthday. You are about to find things that will make you regret you have not been with your friends, but most importantly, you will see him again.


You didn’t even feel how time had passed. It’s been a year, a whole year since you left Riverdale for a fresh start and for a better life. It wasn’t like that for you, you had no idea how you got through it. You only wanted the things to be good between you and your parents, but you couldn’t lie to yourself. You’ve suffered and if you’re gonna remember the day you left … The way things went off, you would probably feel sorry. You were absolutely convinced that you weren’t going to disappoint Veronica, Archie, Betty … Jughead, they knew that too. Every one of them kept their word: Archie called you every single day, you would talk to him for hours and he would finally sing something short just to cheer you up. You wouldn’t forget to ask him if Jughead was alright and he would say that he would never lie to you about anything. Archie and Jughead were best friends, you knew he would never abandon Jughead. You and Veronica would facetime everytime you were free. You always told her that Houston is a nice place and that you feel very good here, but you wouldn’t be convincing. It wasn’t the fact that you hated that place, it was just the fact that you knew anyone around here. You were the new girl, the new neighbor … It was tiring for you. Eventually Veronica would make you laugh even if you couldn’t even smile and you would almost fall asleep while talking to her. The blonde one – Betty, was the most worried about you.  She would ask you thousands of times if you are okay and send you a lot of pictures with her and the others so you can watch them whenever the longing became too intense. They made you forget, somehow. For a while, it wasn’t enough.

Then, everything started to get easier. You were accommodating with your new school’s schedule, studying most of the time and getting ready for exams. Sometimes you would think of how you used to eat lunch with Archie, Veronica, Betty and Jughead outside and how anyone could make you feel as they did. There was no fun. There weren’t delicious chocolate milkshakes as the ones at Pop’s were. There was no one named Jughead who would wear his crown-shaped beanie even if he was inside of a house. It was incredibly hard for you not to think about him all this time. You remembered how you cried the first night away from Riverdale and how lonely you felt. Jughead called you that night, you could barely talk. He tried to calm you down, but it wasn’t possible. You simply left him alone after he confessed he liked you. After he tried to show his true feelings towards you. You always knew how odd he felt doing it, and you could imagine how hard it was for him. And you did what? You were miles away. You would have understood him if he was mad at you, though he said he wasn’t. You almost wanted him too. What if everytime you hung up the phone, he will not talk to anyone else for a long time? What if he wasn’t himself anymore? What if he was stuck? You’re still asking this and you are afraid of a real answer. You felt him so close to you than he have ever been before and you couldn’t show him the same feelings. Sometimes you would want to feel his body pressed to yours, to cuddle him because you never had the chance to do that. Your mother was the first one to fiind out how it was with this Jughead guy, you didn’t need to explain anything to her. She saw you being affected and tried to make you feel better. You didn’t let her. Neither your dad. It was their fault. It took you long enough to get used to the idea, still, you haven’t looked for any other boy’s affection.

When summer came, you knew you had a chance. You talked with Veronica in time, telling her you plan to come back to Riverdale for your birthday. She almost started to scream from happiness when you told her that, but you mentioned her not to tell Archie, Betty or Jughead about that. You wanted to be a surprise. She told you you’d spend the night at her when you got there and assured you she’d keep her mouth shut. Both of you were so excited. You couldn’t help but think about everyone’s faces when they’ll see you. You couldn’t wait to see them too, it was like you were already feeling their giant tight hug against your body. You asked your parents to let you go back, you could not forget this important detail. They couldn’t believe it when they heard you. Your father was red from anger. „No way!” they both would tell you. Of course you couldn’t accept that, so you continued to beg for their approval. They did not want you to leave because they wanted you to be with them on your birthday, not in that town. They seemed so disgusted, as if they had not lived there once. You did everything in your power until you were able to convince them. You promised a short term, after which you would come back home. You needed your friends and some more familiar surroundings for a while. They understood it hard, but you were glad that they did. You were excited to see even Cheryl who was never incredibly excited about your presence. You heard a lot of shocking news about her brother’s death and you wanted to find out more. Veronica didn’t give you too many details, she wanted to play with you. You wanted Cheryl and her family to be okay after all the rumblings they’ve been through since the tragedy.

So the days have passed quite fast with you trying to fullfill your time as much as possible so you wouldn’t need to wait that long. You suddenly saw yourself with all the luggage done, almost as if you wanted to live faster than you should’ve. Jughead noticed how changed you were every time he called you and you felt him quite surprised. He got used to make you feel better, and to smile sweetly and cheeky everytime you two would facetime. It was funny to lie him ’cause it wasn’t anything serious, you couldn’t wait to meet his mesmerizing green eyes again.

This time you’ll tell him too. You’ll tell him everything.


                                              ***


You couldn’t stand the place. The taxi driver seemed to drive too slow for your patience. The night was still young. You were so close to your hometown again, you couldn’t believe it. You thought it was a dream, wanting someone to pinch you.  You blinked many times, looking out the window and admiring the landscape. You missed the strange appearance of Riverdale because you still were used to it. You’d have preferred this silence than all that noise in Houston.  Before you leave home, your mom and dad have warned you: you were not allowed to break your promise. You asked them to come with you so that you will be together on your birthday, it wouldn’t bother you. But your father had his job and wouldn’t let just your mother to come with you. You kinda felt that once you’ll see your friends, you couldn’t leave anymore. But nobody had to know that yet.

You took your phone out of your pocket and checked to see if Veronica texted you. Until now she constantly did that, she couldn’t wait to see you, God. You wondered if she was still the same as you knew her. You wondered if her family was okay, you wanted to know if her love life was up and you wished she didn’t suffer because of your departure. You felt like you couldn’t resist much more, it’s been so long

You asked the taxi driver to leave you a little farther from Veronica’s house because you didn’t wanted her to see you or wait for you. You just walked a little, and you never imagined it could be so hard with all the luggage and emotions that were not going to leave you too soon. You immediately recognized the huge building and increased your peace. A little more.

A man opened the door for you when he saw you wearing so much weight. You mumbled a „thank you” and then entered, leading directly to Veronica’s apartment. Standing in front of the door you felt your knees weak. You took a deep breath and the knocked at the door.

Almost immediately you heard Veronica’s voice from the inside:

„Y/N should be there in a few moments.” You couldn’t help but smile when you heard the sound of the door opening.

After that, you just felt like your strength was gone.

A tall girl dressed in a red top and some skinny black jeans looked at you from head to toe. Her dark hair was left free and hang just above her shoulders, as you were used with her wearing it like that. You whined and you covered you mouth with your hand, slipping the suitcasses on the floor.

„Oh my God.” You heard Veronica exhaling. It could’ve happen literally everything in this moment and you would notice nothing but one of your dearest friends who was looking at you extremly shocked. „Oh my God!” You heard her again. „Y/N!” She wrapped her hands around your neck and squealed. You felt like your heartbeats stopped.

„Hello to you too, Veronica” You tried to say even if you felt like she was strangling you.

„Jessus Christ, are you kidding me, Y/N?! Why didn’t you tell me that- …”

„I guess I wanted to surprise you?” She faced you when she heard your voice. Her eyes were full of life. It practically screamed: „This is the real home you need!

„Hell, I missed you so much!” She yelled, hugging you again. You started to laugh, but you were too excited, so it came out more like a trembling moan. You weren’t allowed to cry.

„I missed you too!” You stroked her back until you heard her mother’s voice from inside the apartment. The door was wide open. „Wha-What have you been doing lately?” You swallowed a lump in your throat trying to stay still on you own two feets.

She tried to answer you but Hermione interrupted her from behind.

„Veronica hun’, what was that- …” She stopped when she saw you. „Wait, is this …” Veronica turned her head to her, nodding quickly.

„It’s Y/N mom! Look at her!”

Hermione smiled warmly.

„What are you doing here, dear? It’s so unexpected, I can’t believe you’re back.”

„I needed to come back here. You have no idea how hard it was for me in the last months …” Veronica held her arm on your upper back. Now you only needed a few minutes. Your friend had to tell you everything that happened while you were away.

„Come in. Don’t stay there, we have pretentious neighbours.” Hermione said. You missed the way she treated you, sometimes she would have been better than your own mother. You entered the luxurious apartment, looking around. Nothing was changed. You’ve noticed all the things in their place, the couch on which you and Veronica used to fall asleep while watching movies, the glass coffee table, the plants … Too familiar.

The two women helped you to carry your luggage and immediately afterwards you sat down on the couch. You felt that Veronica and Hermione were fighting about who will be the one to ask you the first question. There had been nothing special in the city where you stayed, nothing to tell about.

„Everyone will freak out when they’ll see you. Tell me, how is it? How’s Houston?” Veronica asked, coming closer to you.

„Horrendous without you guys. I’m so glad I made my parents let me come.” You sighed.

„Ronnie told me about this. How did they agree?” Veronica’s mother asked.

„I think it was a miracle. I begged them like a dog.” You joked. „Only once I can reach my eighteens. If they did not want to accompany me I had nothing to do.”

„Don’t think about it, you’re here now. That’s what matters the most.” Mumbled Veronica. Her mother was agreeing. ”We really missed you, Y/N, all of us.” You knew it and couldn’t think about anything else. Your heart was empty without them, you imagined that this place was empty too without you all. After all, your group was the soul of Riverdale.

You turned your head to the dark-haired girl.

„I need to know everything. What happened here?” Although you were worried about the answers you were going to receive, nothing will be the same if you didn’t fiind out. You saw Hermione standing up and telling you she will leave you two alone so you can talk. Curious, you looked straight into your friend’s eyes. She started with the beginning. You found out that just a few months after you moved away, Jughead’s father was the main suspect in Jason Blossom’s death. When Jughead had told you about him he believed he couldn’t be guilty of anything. He trusted his father after all, because if he wouldn’t, he would have no one to support him. Veronica’s words scared you because yeah, mr. Jones seemed dangerous but he wasn’t a killer. Plus, when Jason was shot, Jughead’s father worked with Fred Andrews. So it couldn’t be true.

Then, Ronnie started to tell you about the relationship between Jughead and his dad which began to tense when the police was after him. They fought often and Jughead slept for a few days inside the school because he didn’t want to bother Archie anymore. He was destroyed during that time, Archie hardly persuaded him to come back. You imagined a scared, teary Jughead who walked alone on the same streets he was once walking you home on. Your heart skipped a beat.

„Please tell me you took care of him.” You said slowly. Veronica nodded.

„Betty was there for him.” As soon as you heard that sentence, your eyebrows furrowed. You felt shivers on your back. Although you knew that wasn’t her intention, you felt Veronica blaming you, somehow. She didn’t say that it was your fault, it was just the fact that Betty comforted the boy you left behind instead of you. And you weren’t jelous or something, it just … Didn’t feel right. The brunette looked at you cautiously before continuing. Maybe you weren’t prepared to hear her next words. Jughead and Betty were together at some point. You just blinked. Betty was the person who managed to be by his side when you couldn’t.

But you were okay with that.

„It didn’t last long. They broke up after two months.” Continued Veronica. „He thought he could see her the way he saw you.”

„How do you - …” How did Veronica know about Jughead’s feelings towards you? He would not tell anyone, he waited until the last moment to tell you.

„He told us but Archie figured out first.” You remembered the way they would tease you about how you and Jughead were acting in each other’s company. You would’ve smiled if you weren’t worried. „’You alright?” Ronnie asked you.

„I think so. It’s nothing.” You said. As long as you were concerned, things got a bit out of control, you understood that when you realized it was still not sure who Jason’s killer was. Even without you, your friends were trying to find out. Someone was lying and the Blossom family didn’t know what to do.

„I mean, how, Veronica? It’s been a year!” You exclaimed trying to find an appropriate answer in your head.

„It’s complicated. Everyone tell us that.”

Everything was complicated. When you wanted to come back, you were expecting that. You felt that overwhelming sensation again. The negative energy ruled every corner of your body but you welcomed it back with pleasure. If your mom and dad would fiind out what you have found out tonight, they would probably be here within an hour to take you back to Houston. Were you happy feeling so uncertain?

„Tomorrow’s the day. Betty, Archie and Jughead need to know you are back.” After a few minutes when the atmosphere was quiet, your friend’s voice was heard. You did not have the strength to retaliate after all you just heard. Your birthday was in two days and you still had things to do. You were supposed to get ready for seeing him again.

That night, after you talked a bit with Hermione too, you slept with Veronica in her king-size bed. The Blossom’s red hair appeared in front of your eyes everytime you closed them. You almost felt everything Jughead felt when he was alone, barely able to fall asleep.

„Don’t worry, Y/N. You have to feel good. Don’t ruin your time here.” Veronica also told you.

„I’m fine. I know it’ll be fine.”

The next morning Veronica woke you up early so you could dress. She had spoken with Archie and he had invited her to take breakfast at his place. You felt tired but it couldn’t compare to the butterflies you felt in your stomach knowing what yo were about to do. Jughead’s face popped up inside your head. You couldn’t wait to open your arms and let him hug you. Or you would be the one to hug him? It didn’t really matter as long as you were about to feel him that close again. 

„C’mon.” Veronica said, opening the door for you. You said goodbye to Hermione, the you stepped out of the apartment, following your friend. 

„I am so nervous.” You said, as the road shortened and you were getting closer to Archie’s home.

„Well, I’m excited.” Ronnie clapped. You tried to calm down your emotions but it wasn’t possible. You imagined Jughead and Archie, you imaged how Archie’s house looked like and before you knew it, Veronica tried to make sure if she could knock on the door or just enter the house without any announcement.

„Breathe.” She whispered to you once you two stepped in. Before you could say something more, she screamed. „Archie, I’m here!” You tried to stop her but you couldn’t. Then, you heard footsteps approaching. 

„You’re right in time.” Your redhead’s voice was thicker than usual. „The pancakes are- …” But when he saw you, it seemed like his voice vanished.”Y/N?!” You tried to smile as innocently as you could.

„Surprise!” His mouth was already wide open. He slowly approached you as if he was afraid you would disappear.

„No freaking way.” You heard him say. You felt his strong arms wrapped around your waist immediately. You tried to look at Veronica and meeting her gaze, you saw her mouthing an „I told you.” 

„Oh my God, Archie.” You murmured. You felt he was beyond surprised. 

„Are you real? I thought you would never come back …”

„I’m here. One hundred percent real.” You assured him, patting his back. „It’s my birthday tomorrow. I wanted to be here.” He looked at you and for a second, you really thought he was about to start crying. You couldn’t imagine a crying Archie, instead, you wanted to cry so bad. „I miss- …” You tried to speak but he suddenly grabbed your hand. You got through the hallway to the kitchen where you smelled the old delicious pancakes with maple syrup. Then, as if it was a dream, you saw one well-known figure.

You started shaking. Your chest was tightening.

„Hey, Jug?” Archie called him. He turned his head to him but he didn’t notice you at first. Just a minute later, he froze.

Originally posted by unconditionalloveandunicornspawn

„Jughead.” You breathed. If Archie and Veronica would not watch you now, you probably would have gone to him and attacked his lips in a well-deserved kiss. You were as speechless as he was.

He didn’t say a word. Instead, you saw him approaching you. He looked you deep in the eyes and touched your cheeks with his palms. His eyes were watery. No. Please Don’t.

„Y/N?” Your name fell out of his mouth as a weak whisper. He was still wearing his beanie, but this time it was a different color. You hugged him tightly and you whined in his chest.

„I’m sorry.” You told him. You still felt extremely guilty. You didn’t want to hurt him anymore. You wanted to feel him happy. As happy as he was never before.

„Don’t say that. It wasn’t your choice.”

You leaned your forehead to his. 

„Guys?” You almost forgot about the boy and the girl who were awkwardly standing behind you. Archie talked first.

„I’ll call Betty.”

Jughead stepped back and looked at you in owe. You wished he would’ve kiss you without shame. You couldn’t say that loud.

Exactly like that, you enjoyed the presence of your old friends all day long. It honestly felt like it wasn’t real. After so long, you were seeing them again. And when Betty arrived and saw you standing there, you couldn’t handle it anymore and started to cry while you hugged her. They grew up too. You even noticed a small scratch on Jughead’s cheek, and when you asked him about it, he told you that Archie had mistakenly hit him with the joystick in the face when he lost a round at his favorite video game.

„You, silly.” You said, giggling.

Everythig was perfect. You didn’t even dare to ask about Cheryl and her family because you didn’t want to ruin anything. Your friends were incredibly enthusiastic about your returning because they wanted you to have the best birthday ever. Jughead held your hand whenever he had the chance and he didn’t even care if the others were watching you, not even Betty. You felt sorry for her because it was, after all, her ex-boyfriend. She wasn’t bothered at all, she was happy that you were around. You didn’t feel how time passed and before you knew it, looking out the window, it was already dark outside. Until now you’ve been around and at Pop’s with your friends, then you stood in front of the highschool and talked about every possible thing. You also visited Archie’s dad, who was surprised to see you; he was in the middle of a phone call and started balding when he saw you. You wanted to laugh but you didn’t, though.

Right now you and Jughead were on your way to his dad’s trailer. You needed some time alone with him, and around Archie, Betty and Veronica you could not get your plan done. Your hands were intertwined, you felt something strange in your stomach.

„This day was simply amazing. Thank you for welcoming me back this way.” You said.

„Stop thanking us, Y/N. Everyone’s glad that you’re back.” You felt Jughead’s big thumb brushing over your palm. „Will you leave again?” He then asked, in a low tone. 

„I have to.” You answered. You wouldn’t want to leave but you couldn’t stay. Your parents would lock you in your room forever.

You two enjoyed the silence until you arrived and noticed that Jughead’s father didn’t seem to be around. You stood outside. It was hot and the wind was blowing slowly. You leaned your back against the trailer and looked up to the sky.

„Jughead?” He looked at you while his arms were crossed to his chest. „Are you okay?”

„I am.” He nodded. But you didn’t mean that.

„No, are you okay?” You became serious bitting the inside of your cheek. You watched him coming near you. He sighed.

„Yes, Y/N. I am.” You wanted him to tell you how horrible he felt without you, you wanted him to blame you and you wanted him to be angry at you. He wasn’t. He was just enjoying your company. You were an awful person, you knew that.

„I heard about you and Betty.” You spoke out of blue. In a few seconds, he turned his head towards you. 

„Does that bother you? Because- …”

„Jughead relax. It’s okay, I’m okay with that. Don’t worry.”

Silence.

„You know …” He started. „I never stopped thinking of you. Like it only felt right when I was with you.” You felt your throat dry. Your lower lip was already between your teeth and something was devouring you on the inside. You turned your head to him and caught his sad expression. You opened your mouth but no words came out. Before you could figure it out, the space between you and the Jughead began to shrink. In the next moment, it happened. 

His lips stuck to yours as if they were simply meant to be there. Something exploded inside of you. You whimpered instinctively driving your hand to his cheek. Your body pressed more against the trailer behind you while you two kissed deeply and truly. It wasn’t a tongue kiss, it could’ve been just as passionate. You slowly raised your hands up to the end of his beanie and squeezed the little dark hair which was stuck out. You felt him trembeling in the kiss and you knew it was too much for him. But he wouldn’t stop, for you. He pressed his chest to yours and you felt his heart beating. You melted, then and there.

You didn’t know you had your eyes closed until you opened them to look at him while he slowly interrupted the beautiful kiss. He licked his lips, shy and you smiled.

Originally posted by destinyhayden

„You have no idea how good is to know that my father isn’t here now.” He murmured, looking at you with such loving eyes. You didn’t expect him to be like that. 

How amazing he was.

„I like you too, Jug.” You whispered, somehow scared that he would just shut you off.

I knew I would see you again.” He answered, smiling softly. „I don’t want you to leave again, Y/N.” He confessed, staring at the wet ground. 

„I don’t want that either.” When you thought about that, you made yourself sad. You didn’t want to be sad at this moment, you just had the most beautiful kiss in your life. The first kiss that really felt that real. Jughead was always real, he was here all this time, he still was. How unbelievable it was, it was true.

„I think it’s midnight.” You felt his hand reaching to yours again. 

„Maybe …” You said feeling empty. 

Happy birthday, Y/N.” Your smile though it was not as big as it should’ve been, it was there. You wanted to push everything away, every bad thought, every cry for help … You just wanted him. You felt your head being turned to him again, this time for him to kiss you for the second time. He hugged your frame with so much care that you could’ve even break into his arms as well, because he would have stick together all your pieces, all of your parts. It was hard to attach by someone when you knew very well that you both get hurt in the end.

But what if this wasn’t your end?  


It’s here! This is the last part of „Why Now?” imagine. I really hope you’ll like it, I already like to write stuff like this for you. What do you think about it? ’Hope it’s not too sad or something, usually I can handle to write sad stuff, I like it. Thank you so much for your reblogs and hearts, it really means a lot to me! And if you ever want to talk don’t hesitate to give me a message. Or ask me a question. Both are okay. Thank you for reading!