Ok…(takes deep breath) this could take a minute because I’ve been mentally preparing myself to do this one.
So moment number one…well, let me just start by saying that the order in which I watched Monsta X videos and the process of falling in love with Monsta X was really disorganized and not done chronologically because I am a late monbebe. But this moment is very important to me: Wonho’s video letter to his members. It was the very first time I saw him as a human being–a very intellectual, insightful, loving/caring, beautiful one. But also a human being that was very tough on himself and had a tendency to overthink many things. What he said about his members–I was so moved and touched by his words. He spoke about them so sincerely and honestly but he also described them in a beautiful, poetic manner that made me so impressed and in awe. I could tell he loved them so much yet somehow he felt he didn’t deserve them. Yes…this was the moment that I started to fall in love with him. In addition to all that, he was crying as he was doing this vid; no walls were around his heart and I respected that so much. I was moved. He also reminded me of myself because I would definitely start crying too if I had to do the same thing. We act all tough and cool on the outside but if we have to talk about our feelings, we start bawling. Anyway, in conclusion, this moment is very big for sweetramenwonho and her history with Wonho!
The next moment is during that x-file vlive where Monsta X came back to their old practice room after they moved. Wonho began to read monbebe comments and suddenly he began to cry. It totally changed the mood of the vlive and everyone was very emotional after that–including myself. He was overwhelmed with nostalgia–bringing up memories of No Mercy–gratefulness for monbebe’s support, and also in pain for not winning first place and doing us proud. I felt so pained that my boys felt so bad for not winning. My tears would not stop falling as they all tried to comfort Wonho–patting/rubbing him on the back, reading fans’ comments, and even Changkyun tried to act cute and silly to bring up his spirits. And then when Minhyuk started describing that monbebe who was crying in the crowd and apologizing to them that they didn’t win–I lost it. Wonho tried to wipe his tears and he came forth to talk to us. But it only made my heart hurt more. He started sobbing and telling us that they work so hard and become so tired–losing sleep constantly–their bodies aching from practice; he said people think working this hard will pay off but it’s not that easy. He also expressed that monbebe are like another member and work just as hard as they do. And he promised us they would work even harder. I only saw him in a blur of tears at this time because I was crying a lot. He was comforted by his members once more. I really love them all for this moment. Ah…anyway, this was another moment where I was truly touched by Wonho. It is because of these moments where he shows us his vulnerable heart that propels me to become a better monbebe.
Alright, the third moment is, of course, during the final episode of Monsta X-ray. Another moment that Wonho made me cry (stop making me cry so much, floof!) is when his personality type was being described. “It hurts here,” he said pointing to his heart while he began to cry. The doctor described him as someone who gave so much love but who wanted to be loved as well. I was so happy (but sad at the same time) that he was given this emotional moment. His heart is so big but sometimes people tend to forget/overlook that; I’m glad they spent time to discuss his personality–how he does volunteer work and is also very fashionable. And when he teared up, the doctor said his self-esteem must have went down. At that point, my chest ached just like Wonho’s. It just made me pained to think of him having to perform this “sexy” persona on stage all the while dealing with his own self-esteem problems–always overthinking and wondering if he’s doing good enough or being “sexy enough”–monitoring his ab reveal and shaking his head, muttering that they’re “not the right shape.” It hurts my heart to no end. Anyway, this was another moment that made me love him more. He reminded me of myself again too. I always want to hear myself being described because well…I’m embarrassed to say. Let’s just say I also have self-esteem issues and doubts about myself even when I seem pretty chill on the outside. I think we’re both the type to go out of our way to appear fine on the outside for the sake of others. We don’t want burden anyone else.
Moving on…I know I said, three moments but a bonus moment is, of course, during “No Mercy”!!!!! !!!! NO MERCY?!?! A cry fest, I tell you, a cry fest. And the moment is when he tells us why he has to debut. We all know how that went. I swear, the only reason I cry anymore is because of Wonho. Lord. I love him so much for not being afraid to shed tears in front of cameras and other people. Why does he wear his heart so openly? He’s such a sweet, darling person that deserves to be loved and adored. Anyway, sweet Wonho had been sobbing and crying every time a trainee got eliminated…but this precious moment really represented who Wonho was and why he deserved to debut. His strong, indomitable, pure heart really went a long way.
Anyway, in case you didn’t know…I love Wonho.
Hardcore Monbebe Challenge (10) Three big moments where your favorite member made you cry/you felt truly touched by him