this is what is really haunting dean in purgatory right now

Cold Sheets

Character(s): Dean Winchester

Warning: None

Word Count: 854


   At four in the morning, a person who is accustomed to sharing a bed with another human wouldn’t expect to find their partner’s spot empty and cold, but when you roll over, Dean isn’t next to you. The blankets have been pushed down on his side but are undisturbed on yours, so you know his exodus wasn’t a hurried one, and the fact that the lights in the room and the hall are still off tells you he didn’t want to wake you up.

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There and Back Again (Part 8)

Originally posted by demondetoxmanual

Summary: Dean tries to cope with the situation you’re in. A conversation with his father leads to a flashback to his childhood with Sam. Crowley joins the party.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,000

Warnings: language, mild torture, possession, sexual references

A/N: Sorry this took so long, guys! Crowley was more difficult to write than I imagined… don’t expect the next part anytime soon. I’m really sorry but there will be a LOT going on the next few weeks and unless some amazing inspiration strikes me, the next part will take some time. Love you all for keeping this thing going!

Need to catch up? Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

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In case you’re looking for a (really) long list of Highschool Destiel fics! 

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anonymous asked:

Its really disheartening to think that even if by some miracle we get some form of destiel in canon the writers are most likely going to end the show with dean and Sam dying, most likely cas as well so it's going to be really tragic either way :(

Hey there, Nonnie! Do you really think that the show will most likely end with Dean and/or Sam and/or Cas dying? I thought that was a Kripke move, but I don’t think that’s a Carver one. I really believe that the show has foreshadowed a better/happier ending, and for the sake of my own well-being, I’d rather continue believing that! (I hope I’m not mistaken).


I believe the Samelia thing in season 8 wasn’t as purposeless as we might think. After Jess (and Sarah and Madison), Sam kind of got the idea that love and a normal life weren’t really for him. I wouldn’t blame him for thinking that way considering every girl he likes ends up dead. However, in season 8, we got a Sam who actually had a “normal” life. A girlfriend. A picnic for his birthday. A birthday cake. A DOG. He was able to quit the family business. Unfortunately, he wasn’t in the best moment of his life because he was just running away from the painful reality (of having lost Dean). However, as he told Dean in 8x01: “I found something. Something I’ve… never had all my life.”

Sam left Amelia not because Dean was back but because her husband was back. The second time they parted ways (in 8x10) was because Amelia gave him a choice: “If you stay, against everything I believe in, I would be with you. But if you leave… don’t come back. I can’t have you with one foot in my life and one foot out there doing… whatever it is you do. That life of yours I have no idea about.” The second time he left her, it wasn’t because of her husband (he knew Amelia would choose HIM); it was because of Dean. He knew he had to choose between Amelia (the normal life he so much craves) and Dean (the life as a hunter). In 10x18, Sam told Charlie this: “I guess I really understand now that this is my life. I love it, but I can’t do it without my brother.”  We already know that between Amelia and Dean, Sam chose his brother, but that doesn’t mean Sam has stopped craving a normal life; he has just buried it for now. The fact that he says “I understand now that this is my life” sounds like someone who has resigned themselves, someone who’s simply gotten used to it in order not to disappoint Dean. According to Sam himself in 8x23, his greatest sin was how many times he let his brother down. He said he couldn’t do that again, so he became Dean. How? Dean got used to the life as a hunter because he didn’t want to disappoint his father. Sam finally got used to that life because he didn’t want to continue disappointing his brother. And so it goes the codependency cycle!

I firmly believe that Sam’s endgame is to have a normal life. That’s why we haven’t heard anything else about his desires in season 9 or 10. We already know what he wants, but we also know that he can’t get there. Not yet, at least.


Dean’s case has been more difficult. For a very long time I thought that his endgame would be to continue being a hunter forever. That’s why season 10 and Dean’s personal arc was so important. It was in that season when we finally learned that Dean’s deepest desire is NOT to be a hunter. We saw a little bit of that in 9x07 when young Dean had a conversation with young Robin:

DEAN: […] My dad likes to move around a lot.

ROBIN: What’s your dad do?

DEAN: Boring stuff.

ROBIN: Do you like it?

DEAN: (shakes his head) NO. No, not really. But my dad expects me to follow in his footsteps. So I’ve kind of gotten used to it. (He seems resigned). […] I want to be a rock star, but… I also really like cars.

ROBIN: Being a mechanic seems rough.

DEAN: What? No, no. Not at all. Cars are freaking cool as hell. Fixing them is like … a puzzle, and the best part is when you’re done, they leave, and you’re not responsible for them anymore.

Over there we learned that deep in his heart, he didn’t want to be a hunter but got used to it. We also learned that he resented having to be responsible for Sam, but he got so used to it that he couldn’t really live his life without having to worry about and protect his little brother. Demon!Dean brought this up in 10x03 when he told Sam: “You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since… Forever. Or maybe… Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!

Dean continued being a hunter to follow his daddy’s footsteps. He became Sam’s “father figure” because John always told him he had to protect Sammy. That was his job. He didn’t matter out of that responsibility. But Dean already knows all of that is his father’s fault. That’s what we learned from the rest of the conversation between Sam and Dean in 10x03:

SAM: This isn’t my brother talking.

DEAN: You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit.

SAM: No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!

DEAN: Well, then, we got nothing.

SAM: Would you say that to Dad?

DEAN: Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!

Dean is finally aware that he’s never been Sam’s brother. He’s been his caretaker thanks to John Winchester. That’s why the song A single man tear (which is about Dean) in 10x05 says: “A single man tear, that’s all I’ll spare. I bury feelings, don’t show I care. Even though I am haunted, must be the man daddy wanted. Wish I could be as strong as Sam. Blaze my own trail, be my own man. But underneath this broken mask, it is my father, with all his wrath.”

Dean’s arc in the Carver era has been to clearly show us that Dean KNOWS he doesn’t like his life as a hunter. That was John’s influence. He KNOWS he doesn’t want to be Sam’s protector. That was John’s influence, too. He wishes he could be as strong as Sam because SAM LEFT. Sam went to Stanford. He quit the life. He didn’t care about disappointing John. Dean pulled Sam back in for a long while, but Sam was strong a second time. He quit the life after Dean got sent to Purgatory. He stopped looking for Dean. It hurt like hell; he said he felt like his “world imploded and came raining down on [him]” (8x06), but he was strong enough to realize that he could have a life that didn’t entirely depend on Dean or John or anyone else.

Dean finally LEARNED that protecting Sam and Sam protecting him above everything else was NOT GOOD. It was evil. That codependency they have ruins them and the people around them. He doesn’t want to be his brother’s keeper anymore, but he doesn’t want Sam to be his keeper either. That’s what we learned from his conversation with Sam in 10x23:

DEAN: Remember when we were in that church, making Crowley human, about to close the Gates of Hell? Well, you sure as hell were ready to die for the greater good then.

SAM: Yeah, and, Dean, you pulled me back.

DEAN: And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew that this world would be better without us in it.

SAM: No, no, no, wait a second. You’re twisting my words here, Dean.

DEAN: Why? Because we – we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it? Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity – our family, our friends. It’s time we put a proper name to what we really are and we deal with it.

SAM: Wait a second. We are not evil. Listen… We’re far from perfect, but we are good. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you, not me.

DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you – when you drove that man to sell his soul… Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A-a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you’re willing to let the Darkness into the world.

Dean was ready to kill Sam to stop all this, to stop their codependency, but then Sammy gave Dean two pictures. He told Dean: “You’ll never, ever hear me say that you – the real you – is anything but good. But you’re right. Before you hurt… anyone else, you have to be stopped at any cost. I understand. Do it. Do me the honor.”

Once again Sam was stronger than Dean. He understood the point. He understood they couldn’t continue like this (sacrificing others to save each other), so he was willing to sacrifice his own life if that was needed. Dean realized that Sam understood. The fact that Sam stopped fighting meant that he was ready to let go, SOMETHING THAT DEAN HASN’T BEEN ABLE TO DO ALL HIS LIFE. Then he saw the pictures. Dean and Mary. Dean, Sammy and Mary. Family.

But John Winchester was NOT in the picture because his influence was OVER. Dean didn’t kill Sam, that’s true. But it was not in the name of codependency (he didn’t know Cas, Rowena and Crowley were about to rid him of the Mark of Cain). It was in the name of family, in the name of love, a healthy one… represented by Mary in the pictures.  That’s why I think that season 11 will give us a better relationship between Dean and Sam, one where they are brothers, not each other’s keepers.

All of this was necessary to be able to reach not only Sam’s endgame but also Dean’s, which by the way, we were given in 10x16:

Dean (to Sister Mathias): I guess I’m just wondering how somebody quits one life for something completely different and – and then believe in it so much.

Dean (to Father Delaney): You know, the life I live, the work I do… I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. […] Now, um… Recent… events, uh… make me think I might be closer to [death] than I really thought. And… I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s… people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. […] I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

In my opinion, Dean’s endgame will be to quit the life for something completely different where he’ll be able to experience things, people, and feelings differently than he has before or maybe even for the first time. It’s been a lot of work to take Dean in that direction. Dean, the best hunter ever, the one who always seemed to love the life, the family business. That’s why the Carver era was heavy in personal arcs and not in myth arcs. They had to reset Dean almost completely. This is our promise. Dean needs to survive to get his endgame. Just as Sam needs to be alive to get his. 


Cas’ endgame is still a work in progress, but a very clear one. He had to be reset the same as Dean. Cas loved Heaven and his brothers and sisters. Despite everything, he thought Heaven was home. It isn’t like that anymore. Cas has slowly begun to learn that home is where the heart is. Where is Cas’ home? What does he want? He’s been asked twice now about his endgame. In 9x06, when Cas said he wanted to live, Ephraim asked him: “But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?” Even though it couldn’t be clearer than that, Metatron became more obvious in 10x18 when he asked Cas:

“Who are you now? Like, you’re obviously not an angel of the lord. And what about all of this ‘walking the earth like Kane from Kung Fu’ crap? Cleaning up heaven’s messes. How many more rogue angels are there out there? And what are you gonna do once you’re done with all that? Go back to heaven? Please. The angel formerly known as Hannah has restored order up top. Smoothest it’s run since God cut the ribbon on the pearly gates. So tell me, Castiel, truly, what is your mission now?”

When the next antagonist (the Darkness) is finally defeated, when the show finally reaches its final season and its final episodes, we’re going to be given an answer. Castiel will have to choose. Right now he’s indecisive. He calls himself people, but he’s not, as Rowena pointed out when she said in 10x22: “That’s like a fish that wants to fly or a dog that thinks he’s people.” When Cas said that he, in fact, is a lot like people, Rowena’s reply was “Keep telling yourself that, dear”. Meaning? Cas is not human! He acts like he is, but he isn’t. That’s why I firmly believe that Castiel’s endgame will be to choose humanity. That’s been his weakness all along, anyway.

In conclusion, I don’t think Cas, Dean or Sam are going to die. The show has made a great effort to reset the main characters and tell us what they want or where they wish they could go. Maybe I’m delusional, but I can’t help being optimistic. I hope this gives you some hope as well. Sorry for writing such a long thing!

Unseen World

Part 1 of Heaven, Hell, and Humanity

Request by @floralbrocade: Would you write a fic where it’s the Apocalypse and Demon Dean is an insanely powerful and evil demon and he is the king of hell and he has been hearing about the Reader who is a hunter he’s really interested in her and she has been taking out his men and he is tracking her down to find her? She comes across Sam and he’s trying to protect her from Demon Dean capturing her and making her be a part of his clan? Her and Sam are trying to stop Demon Dean from enslaving the rest of the human race?

Word Count: 1652

Warnings: None

A/N: Hard to believe I originally thought I could make this series into a 3 part series… Aw well. Enjoy all 28 parts!!

Heaven, Hell, and Humanity Series Masterlist

What you wouldn’t give for some damn Starbucks. For some reason, when you thought about the end of the world, you always imagined all of your favorite fast food joints would still be open. You’ve worked in retail before. It was hell. Retail, end of the world. What was the difference?

Alas, you thought dramatically. The days of fast food are over. Except for, you know, the monsters who eat humans. We run pretty fast.

And speaking of monsters… The demon you were stalking turned into an abandoned Walmart. As in he walked into the store, not that he physically became a…


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Dean Winchester x Reader

Requested by anon

Based off of the song “Gasoline” by Halsey.

Summary: You work at a bar and meet Dean when he’s in town. A few days after he leaves town, a demon decides to attack.

Warnings: Tons of cursing, deceased parents

Word Count: 1,821

Originally posted by deangifsdaily

Your name: submit What is this?

Are you insane like me?
Been in pain like me?
Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?
Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?
Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?

You first met the older Winchester in a bar. You had been working that night, attempting to get a few extra tips so you could finally get that car you had been eyeing. Just a few hundred more and that sweet black dime would be yours…

Of course, you just wanted the tips for being a good bartender, not because you let someone fondle you or kiss you. So by the third hour, your feet were aching, your face was set into a constant scowl, and you knew it’d be at least another week before you could get the car. You just didn’t want to have to walk to work anymore and had been trying so hard to make a living. After you were forced to drop out of college because of finances, you’d been struggling to make your life somewhat bearable. 

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05x15 “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid”
05x22 “Swan Song”
08x01 “We Need to Talk about Kevin”
11x12 “Don’t You Forget about Me”

It’s All A Little Bit of History Repeating

In a season where the tag line is called “You can’t outrun your past” this week’s episode title achieved that perfectly as it was titled no other than “Don’t You Forget about Me”. And forgotten about their past none of these characters have. And how could they? Your past isn’t something you can leave behind like an old sweater. No, even if the wounds are no longer bleeding, it’s the scars reminding them that the past is real as they are a product, silent reminders of those experiences haunting them to this day. And not only were Claire, Alex and Jody confronted with their past, so were the Winchesters. And not only because they all have their parts the other ones’ stories, but Alex’ and Claire’s arcs as well as Jody’s this episode paralleled events of Sam’s and Dean’s past too.

Claire’s difficulties of adjusting to normal life after everything she’s been through and that was explored last season was re-addressed and in a way she is a special case here as she never even tried to outrun her past, but found solace in hunting, made her feel like having a purpose. Throughout the entire episode her story is intertwined and paralleled with Dean’s. From the moment Claire first appears in the episode she is framed like the MotW ina very similar fashion as Dean was when he returned from purgatory. And it’s that parallel that ties into how the story has come full circle for Dean and how he is now freed from the mark, but the furthest from free. Back then he’d escaped purgatory, but he suffered from PTSD and survivor’s guilt as he thought he’d let Cas slip away, who back then, just like now felt like he didn’t belong, unloved and should pay for his mistakes.

But that’s not the only thing. Claire’s entire struggle to fit into normal life is a massive mirror to the struggle Dean has faced more than once in his life. From  not talking, to being a loner and despising school - the parallels between Teen!Dean and Claire could not possibly stronger. And then there’s the fact about them both being orphans, having lost their loved ones to the supernatural.

But Claire and Dean weren’t the only mirror characters in this episode. Just as strong was the alignment of Sam and Alex. Of course on the surface it seemed this episode was focused on Alex’ “past catching up with her”, it truly was much more layered. Sam and Alex have been framed to have a lot in common too - right down to the wish of running away. Much like Sam really wanted to fit in and lead a normal life, so tried Alex. And tragically enough both of them even have the moment of clarity in common. Whereas for Alex the love of the popular kid wasn’t real, Lucifer had set up a whole set of people to push Sam into the right direction - meaning into his arms (and his line about Dean and his father being “foster care at best”, is just horribly relevant to the family Jody Mills and the two girls have formed). And that callback and parallel is especially important given what happened just a few episodes prior. And just like the vampire, who killed his entire family told Alex “he wanted her to have something precious, so he could take it from her”, that was Lucifer’s approach too. And even the wording when Lucifer reveals to Sam he’s been played all his life saying “this is your life. Sam Winchester” is called back by the vampire from her past telling he “your whole life”, when Alex asks “What is this?”

And of course last but not least there’s Jody Mills. Jody Mills, who lost her son and husband the horrible and tragic way (and who serves as a parental figure as a Dean parallel too) and this episode is made to be reminded of just that when Alex and Claire - her new family - are in danger. She’s made to relive the horror, remember the pain.

12x01 - Keep Calm and... How do I keep calm when that episode was SO GOOD?

Top Moments

Dean and Mary Obviously. Some thoughts on their reunion and interactions in the episode:

  • The way she took him down at the start - Mary’s very first scene and she is proving to the audience that she can handle herself, she is no longer the original fridged woman. She is every bit the skilled Hunter and fighter she was when she was younger.
  • Dean talking about John and Mary’s meet-cute. Slaughterhouse 5 and Zeppelin. So now we know that it isn’t all John that Dean gets it from. His favourite things also come from his mother. That is certainly a positive point to know going forward.
  • Dean’s face when Mary hugs him - it was beautiful. I have nothing else to say.
  • Mary and the Impala! Dean’s realisation that his mother had sex in the back of the car and that he was probably conceived there… hilarious! Oh Dean. You and the Impala truly are bonded aren’t you? I see the Impala as a symbol of Dean’s soul (as I believe many others do too) and this moment was brilliant in tying up that theory that his whole life right from conception has been connected to his car.
  • Mary saving Dean from Knuckleduster Lady. She saved the day this episode. I doubt it will be the last time she saves her boys. 
  • Blood on her hands - That moment sitting in the car where Mary was looking at her hands reminded me of Lady Macbeth “Out! Damn Spot!” Anyone else think that or is that weird? I dunno.. but I think Mary is going to be very much haunted by her choices and what is ultimately her fault. She didn’t get her memory wiped of her deal with Azazel. We know she knew him when he was standing over Sam’s crib. Mary will recognise this and understand that it was her deal with Azazel that started this series of events that leads her here now, facing her grown son and his kidnapped brother, both doing exactly what she has been running from her whole life. Then, one of the first things she has to do as soon as she is brought back to life, is take another life. I can very well believe that she sees that damn spot… the blood on her hands. How she will deal with this will be an interesting thing to watch throughout the season ahead.
  • Are you okay?” “No.” GUYS. GUYS. You know when we were talking about what good things Mary would bring to Dean and Sam’s lives and how her presence should encourage good character development and a change for the better? THIS IS THE START. What was it that Cas said in 10x03?“It’s what the humans do. They say they’re fine. And even if I—I don’t look it, you say I look well, and that way, we avoid talking about something we can do nothing about.” Castiel learned this from the Winchesters, because they do this all the time. They repress any issues they have, they lie about feeling okay because its easier than dealing with the huge amount of emotional baggage that they are carrying. Mary however comes along and when Dean asks if she’s okay she tells the truth. and it leads to them having an honest conversation, with Dean helping her a little bit and her helping him to understand a bit more. It was such a good conversation for Dean to have. 

Dean and Castiel

continued under the cut…

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anonymous asked:

Could you please rec some good case fics for me? I love your work!

Hi there. I’ve a feeling I’ve just recced some case slash non AU fics, so I hope these aren’t the ones I’ve just recced. I’m too lazy to check it, lol… Lately I haven’t been reading too many case fics so I kinda don’t have anything new to share. When I first started to read SPN fanfiction like a millenia ago I didn’t read anything else but non AU fics. Seriously, it’s like… three years ago or something when I finally decided that I also like AU fics. How sad is that? And I’m still not liking AU settings in HP fandom, for example. The funny thing is, that I’m supposed to have like billions of these non AU slash case fics, but I lost them all when my old computer went down. That’s one of the biggest tragedies in my entire life. Still not over it.

Okay, and then back to the point. Here are your fics, I hope you’ll enjoy them. I’ve been reading the entire night (NO, IT’S NOT AN OBSESSION.) and slept only one and half hours and I’m at the office right now, so I’m not responsible for my own notes. Destiel is gonna kill me sometime very soon. You should ask Admin A what happened to her after one long night reading Destiel, not eating and not sleeping. That didn’t end up so well. It was epic. – Admin J

Title: The Dance of Inanna

Author: PeppermintWind

Rating: Explicit

Words: 106,178 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: Here’s one hell of a case for you! This sounds like something that could’ve been a theme for some actual season of the show. It’s so good fic, so I recommend you all to read it. I promise, you won’t be disappointed. And no, there’s no such thing as “recced too many times already”.

Summary: “Hey Sammy? You didn’t happen to start an apocalypse while I was in Purgatory, did you? ”

Or: After the disappearance of the One, pagan gods are fighting over who gets the world. Alliances are forged and broken, Zeus and Enlil form a bromance, Odin teams up with Isis, Loki probably has an evil plan, Artemis ponders second-wave feminism, Crowley is amused, the angels are not, Inanna has opinions, Don is a Carver Edland fan.

And Dean and Cas aren’t fooling anybody.

( Read here )

Title: May I Have This Dance?

Author: Blueyed_Impala

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Words: 18,039 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: Another case fic for you! I really liked the idea, but there were some huge things in the way the author writes I can’t stand. For example things like “the 3 of them”. Really? You can’t write the number three? I know, I’m sorry, I’m such a jerk but it bothers me and I cannot enjoy the story as much as I should if there are things like that. It’s just like when someone writes the Impala “the impala”. DrIvEs Me CrAzy. But if you’re not that picky I’m sure you’ll enjoy this.

Summary: With Sam recovering from the trials and a new fallen Castiel living with them in the bunker, Dean’s relieved when Sam finds a simple shapeshifter case not to far from the bunker, he could use an escape. What Sam doesn’t tell Dean is that it’s at a freakin MASQUERADE BALL. So not only does Sam get to dress him in some kind of barbie costume but Cas is going to be with him while his brother gets to wait outside? With Cas is a little too popular for Dean’s liking and a beautiful murderer sneaking around. What could possibly go wrong?

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Title: The Truth

Author: whelvenwings

Rating: General Audiences

Words: 4,644 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: Here’s some fallen hunter Castiel case piece of a story for you. Maybe it’s not that long, but at least the case in pretty interesting. Or at least, there’s a deeper meaning in the case. My notes aren’t making any sense.

Summary: Cas and Dean have been locked in a room, and the only way for them to get out is to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. With Sam’s life in danger, Dean and Castiel will have to open up to each other.

The question is, can they handle the truth?

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Title: Professional Couple Only

Author: salthyfeathers

Rating: Mature

Words: 37,153 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: Here’s some more fallen hunter Castiel case stuff for you. With Destiel, of course. I love Destiel. (I’m covering my office room’s white board with Misha pictures at the moment since my brain feels like overbooked and I seriously can’t work. Hope my boss won’t come in any time soon to ask how the projects are going. Just read the fics and ignore me, okay?)

Summary: There’s a haunted apartment building in Vermont, and the ad says “Professional couple only”. Dean and Cas rise to the occasion.

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Title: To Be Where I Have Been

Author: deathbycoldpen

Rating: Explicit

Words: 31,836 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: The Mishas are conquering the world. I have nothing else to say. Keep ignoring me. I need to sleep. No, I need more caffeine. I have so many Mishas to print. There’s no time for things like sleeping.

Summary: Dean wakes up the morning of his 26th birthday in an abandoned warehouse with no idea how he got there- or why it is that his estranged brother is there with him, and telling him that it’s the year 2015, not 2005. It’s not hard to figure out that the de-aging spell that hit Dean affected his memory as well. But things get a little more complicated when he finds that Sam is hiding things from him, like what exactly has happened in the years since Dean was 26, or who the man is who calls himself Dean’s best friend. Maybe it would all be easier to deal with if someone wasn’t still waiting to finish the job they started when they cursed him. And maybe it would be easier if this damn buzzing under his skin- and the nightmares of blood and fire- would just leave him alone long enough to let him think…

( Read here )

What It Is

“So…” Sam said. “Cas still, uh… has his own room.”

He winced. He’d been trying for delicate, hoping to keep Dean off the defensive long enough to get some decent information out of him, but that was probably not the best way to begin this conversation.

Dean’s shoulders tensed and he paused briefly while washing off the pot he’d used to make spaghetti sauce that evening. He continued washing with forced nonchalance, but Sam could see tell Dean was now on guard.

“Your point?” Dean asked, voice clipped. He rinsed the pot and shoved it, dripping wet, against Sam’s chest. Sam scowled and began to dry the pot.

“Just that Cas has been here a while,” Sam said. He went quiet for a moment, trying to formulate his thoughts and figure out how to ask what he wanted to without pissing Dean off.

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so be it. 11x07 coda. (ao3)

companion piece: x

Dean spends most of the drive back snapping at Sam.

There’s no excuse for it, he knows, not the stress of the hunt or the late hour, not even his annoyance over the fact that Sam is going to keep praying in spite of everything. He does it anyway, though, until they both wind up sitting in tense, sullen silence.

If he’s being honest – which he is trying to do, now that he has the choice – what he’s feeling isn’t simply annoyance. Something burns in his gut, so hot and incessant that at first he thinks it’s anger. That’s not quite it, though. He realizes, as he drives in the dark, Sam staring out the window into the empty night, that he’s jealous. That’s what it is, pure and ugly. He’s jealous of Sam.

The thing is, he remembers a time when he still believed. He had prayed desperately for help, before, back when he was still clinging to the last shreds of whatever bits of hope had rubbed off on him after so much time spent with Sam and his unshakable faith. He had gathered up every ounce of conviction he could muster and turned it into a trembling supplication, and all the supposedly all-knowing, all-powerful God had managed to do was be a colossal fucking disappointment.

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anarchycox  asked:

Prompt: Benny being as old as he is is traditional on something stuff. So he wants to ask someone for permission to marry Dean. But John and Mary and dead so that leaves Sam and Cas for the vampire to approach.


(it turned out longer than 1.2k words, so ao3 link)

They hadn’t often talked about marriage. Not really. There’d been plenty of discussions of settling down, maybe getting a place of their own. Dean would never give up hunting. He’d always be out there helping people, and Benny would never be more than a step behind him. But it’d be nice, Dean said once as they were curled up in bed, if they had a place of their own to go home to at the end of the day. 

“I mean,” Dean had rambled, “the bunker’s home. But I mean, it’d be cool. You know?” 

Benny knew exactly what he meant. He had no problems with it either. He’d be happy no matter where they ended up, as long as they were still together at the end of the day.

The only thing Benny wasn’t sure about, was whether or not Dean would be happy with a ring on his finger too. 

He’d already done his research. He found a ring he wanted to get for his human boyfriend. But it wasn’t enough. Not yet.

Benny was old. He liked to think he wasn’t too old, but he could admit without shame that he was a tad bit older than the rest of his friends (and hopefully soon, family.) With that brought certain traditions and rituals Benny couldn’t ignore or brush under the rug. 

If he wanted to propose to Dean, he wanted to do it right. And that included asking someone for permission to ask Dean at all.

Normally, Benny knew, he’d have asked Dean’s parents. But they were both long gone and buried. There was no chance of asking them, so that left only two other people. 

Sam and Cas. 

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