this is what i want people to remember

Graduation season is always very bittersweet for me. I feel so much happiness and love for the people in my life who have hit that milestone and who’ve worked to overcome such daunting obstacles to their success. I never want to be the kind of ghoul who can’t feel happiness for people who achieved what I could not.

But I also remember my first quarter at UCLA, finding anti immigrant literature in every copy machine at the library and knowing immediately i wasnt wanted. And I remember getting seven parking tickets in one quarter because I couldn’t afford to pay for gas and food and having to choose between those three. And I remember being so depressed that id climb the outside steps of Luskin and imagined falling down or being so manic that I’d come to school with my readings in backpack next to two bottles of riesling I would go through just to be able to sit in class. Or being so strung out on my meds after I finally saw CAPS that I’d wake up in the sculpture garden or on the hill not knowing how I got there. Or falling asleep on the 405 NB after working two jobs to pay for the basics required to attend. On and on and on. It was hell.

So when I see my friends walk, I know they went through hell too. And I’m so proud of them. I’m so proud of them. But I kinda wish someone would be proud of me too.

The road less travelled
Is obscured by
Cigarette smoke
And police sirens.
Skyscrapers crowd
The skyline
And it’s beautiful,
But unattainable.
When I’m here
My skin crawls with soot and grime
And my chest aches
For security.
This is where
I might belong, though.
I see so many faces
I want to remember,
So many important sights
And sounds and feelings
Swelling in me,
Engulfing me.
I want to take
This road through
City lights
And cigarette butts
And the people,
Laughing, talking, living
Like this road
Is their home.
Is this what I want
For my home?
This, this sticky city grease
And clutching purse straps closely,
Staring straight ahead
At every street corner?
The distrust
And the fear
And the feeling of being
In over my head?
I think I do:
I want to walk this road
Less travelled but much walked upon,
Not comfort
But adrenaline.


30/30 day back to school challenge: Your top 3 tips for school 

I am writing this from the perspective of a uni student, so I am not sure how it will apply for other students, but:

1. Always, always, always go to the very first class. I know many people who don’t because you don’t really learn anything on these days, but you get the most vital informations. Who the profs are, what they want from you for the class, sometimes how the final test looks like, what you should focus on etc. 

2. Learn the titles of your profs. Look up their works, essays, books. It tells you what they are interested in so you can talk about it with them after class and they will remember you in a good way, but it also can tell you what to focus on when you study for your finals. And never ever call them by the wrong title or by their surname! Some of them don’t mind but some of them can get angry at you quite easily if you use the wrong title. 

3. Never sit in the back of the class. I always sit at least in the 3rd row (we have around 15 in the big classes). I know it’s scary and you are afraid the prof will ask you questions, but you will be forced to work harder and prepare for the classes, they will remeber you as someone who is working hard and you don’t have to listen to the student talking and disrupting in the back. 

anonymous asked:

Fallout nv gothic, a song youve never heard before comes on radio new vegas, you cant remember what it was called and you quickly forget about it after another johnny guitar comes on, and youre not sure you want to remeber it

i have a mod that adds the song vera key sings to the “mysterious broadcast” station and no lie it was pretty fucking creepy, but i love it

ive actually been thinking of trying out a mod called Project Brazil, but its set in san bernardino mountains and looks so LA central, i would love to see people expand on the specific southwestern gothic fnv really brings, i love like… hearing the creepy twang of a guitar out in the middle of a desert as i watch a giant ant devour a raider

when i was a tiny baby queer (aka a 24-year-old), i went to my first pride festival probably three months after i kicked ex-gay therapy to the curb and came out to my parents. being the people they are, my parents came with me. they weren’t really sure about this whole gay thing, but they loved me and wanted me to be safe and happy and wanted to be involved in what was important to me, so they came along. (i also think my mother still might have thought i might get drugged or murdered or beaten by a protester of which there were plenty.)

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

“…it’s a cock and a pussy, Jules,” she says flatly, and that is the story of how i died at the age of 24 while attending my first pride festival.

If you’ve been deeply affected by reading “My Family’s Slave” here are some general concrete things you can do.

1) Understand and tell other people that this is not only something that happens in the Philippines. It happens in many other countries. Probably on every continent. For example, in Haiti, they’re called restaveks. Across South Asia, many child slaves work in the textile industry. Don’t treat this as an individual personal failing done only by a few bad people when it’s a vast economic system that thrives in secrecy and which many of us indirectly benefit from.

2) There’s no true ethical consumption but you can at least not support industries, companies or entire economies heavily involved in modern day slavery. Cut out visiting Dubai, for example (although I don’t know anyone that rich).

3) Support transnational unions of service and domestic workers.

4) If you or anyone you know employs domestic workers, talk to them discreetly and compassionately. Ask what they need and how you can support them. Ask who takes care of THEIR kids. Keep your eyes open.

5) Look at any local laws that passively encourage these exploitative relationships and work towards changing them. Immigration law is a huge issue in this area. Undocumented workers scared to come forward because they don’t want to be deported, for example.

6) Fight for feminism and disability rights because women and disabled people are especially vulnerable. I remember in the 90s there was a vast Mexican slave ring that enslaved deaf Mexicans and made them beg on the subways in NYC for money. I gave money to some of these people not knowing that they were kept as slaves and had to turn all their money over to their slavemasters at night, and it shocked the hell out of me. Private charity doesn’t work - these people need living wages, independence, legal advocates. All fixes on a systemic basis.


infodumping about the ocean

“What if I didn’t care too much? ” he said while looking at her, trying to imagine that she’s someone else. That he’s not asking this question to someone he loves truly—for the fact that he doesn’t want to hurt her. He never wants to cause heartbreak, especially to her. But because he can’t take it any longer, he took a deep breath and continued, “You don’t need to answer me. I just…you know…I just really have to let this out. Because it’s hard. I know you’re not even asking me to care about you this much, you didn’t even ask me to hold you up whenever you feel that you’re about to shatter and fall to the ground. But I care, hell I still care. And you know the only reason why I do. Why I always claim to be—that person who is always on your side—and it doesn’t matter whether you’re on your darkest times or brightest hours. I’ll still be there, to cheer you up when you’re down, and to clap my hands for you, to hug you warmly and to congratulate you every time you achieved something you always wanted.”.

He paused reminiscing all the good and bad times that they were together. He remembered the times she tried pushing him away. But he never left her. Because he knew that time was the moment that she needed him the most.

“Yet now, I wonder. What if I didn’t fall in love with you? Will I still care about you? Will I’m going to be one of those people who left you once they were ignored by you? Will I’m still going to be here—standing firmly next to you? ”. he said. He didn’t wait for her answer, instead he continued saying, “I honestly don’t know what exactly I would do. Because the moment I saw you, I never imagined being away from you. I never saw myself leaving you. I never ever saw myself not caring this much about you. And that’s the reason why—it hurts at the same time.”.

He looked at her just to find her staring back at him. With her eyes so beautiful that the stars weren’t enough to describe the way her eyes shone that night. He slowly grabbed her hands, closing it with his.

And when he looked back at her, both of them have tears in their eyes, as he said “Because the truth is, no matter how hard I try to move my feet miles apart from you, I can’t. I just can’t run away from you.

—  ma.c.a // Love Pushed Me To You

Hi do you ever think about the fact that Merle highchurch the cleric who stayed on a dying world to give people faith and hope, Merle who made sure the history of another soon to be destroyed world was recorded so that its people wouldn’t be forgotten, who supported Lucretia and encouraged her. Merle who was kind and gentle and tried his best even if he was clumsy about it, became Merle the bitter cleric with little faith in his god, in himself, hell even in others? Do you think about what it must have been like for Lucretia who remembered Merle the kind man who supported her and wanted to spread peace and hope to meet a Merle who was nothing like she remembered. Do you think about that? Cause I do.

I just want to remind people that Katie got into acting later than a lot of people and had no formal training, so the fact that she was on Merlin for five years and is now a popular series regular on a US show is even more impressive.

I remember her saying how she didn’t have a clue what she was doing when she started Merlin, it was all completely new to her. Clearly she has great instincts, and especially as Lena there’s this stunning vulnerability about her that could’ve taken someone else months or even years to master. There’s this kind of raw honesty to her performance, and she’s only going to continue to improve as an actress. I’m excited to watch her grow and see where her career takes her.

People will always believe what they want to believe, about you. This is due to the fact that people wish to create their own truths; anything but the truth that’s real. My creed is simple: Let them! Their beliefs don’t alter your truth. Moreover, your attempt at altering them won’t do any good for you.
—  C. JoyBell C.
trc characters as things people at my school have said
  • blue: he has a trump sticker! ram him!
  • gansey: hey remember when i almost died on multiple occasions? good times
  • adam: i'm not driving the struggle bus. i'm driving the struggle camper.
  • ronan: *listening to irish music, comes to a slow song* this one isn't lit. *skips to faster song* this one is
  • noah: i'm made of vanilla, cinnamon, and dead bodies.
  • henry: what's your favorite position in bed *answering his own question* right next to the wall so i can charge my phone
  • bonus! kavinsky: it's alright, i wanted to burn stuff too.
NHL!Bitty, Pt. IV - RPF

@missweber requested NHL!Bitty dealing with Hockey RPF. This got a little longer than expected, with a side pairing of Jack/philly-cheesesteak. Takes place a few months into Bitty’s second season with the Schooners. 

Origin: From Samwell to SeattlePart I - Hug Check | Part II - Chirping | Part III - Post-Season

The most annoying thing is that for all of the ‘Jack/Parse’, ‘Jack/Tater’, ‘Jack/Sid’‘Jack/fucking-every-player-on-the-east-coast’ fic, there are a whopping SIX  ‘Jack/Eric’ fics on Ao3. Six.

On one hand, Eric’s proud they’ve hidden their relationship so well, on the other, Eric is insulted. But really, with their disappointing portmanteau of ‘Jeric’ or ‘Zittle’, it’s not surprising they’re horribly under-appreciated.

“I just wish my fans were more creative.”

Over Skype, Eric watches Jack plow through a Philly cheesesteak with no small measure of jealousy. He’s lonely and hungry, and his asshole boyfriend is doing this on purpose.

“You know,” Jack says, talking out of the side of his half-full mouth, “if you let the Schoons call you ‘Bitty’ our name could have been ‘Zimbits’. That’s kinda on you.”

Keep reading

lmao remember that terrible biphobic discourse a few years ago and how i didn’t want to call myself bi because ‘what if i’m just a straight girl invading wlw spaces’ (this was before i worked out my gender) and this atrocious bigotry calling itself ‘discourse’ made me, a questioning minor, even further doubt my feelings towards women, as if heteronormativity needed any help

lmao remember the nonbinary/truscum discourse a couple years ago and how i didn’t want to call myself nb because ‘what if i’m just a cis girl invading trans/nb spaces’ because this bullshit calling itself ‘discourse’ made me doubt my dysphoria and my relationship with my gender identity even more, as if cisnormativity needed any help

y’all need to realize that you are hurting people with this shit. whenever you fuckers come in trying to simplify the lgbtq+/queer/mogai communities and identities into something palpable for Straights you push vulnerable and questioning people - vulnerable and questioning minors - away from identities and labels that could help them. you’re all fucking disgusting. and i’m sick of seeing this shit repackaged and pushed on questioning people again and again and again. i’m sick of seeing questioning and lgbtq+ people blamed for cisheteronormative bullshit. i’m sick of your gross recycled TERF rhetoric.

you know, one of my favorite things about isak posting about 21:21 is that for us it’s just so obvious, like oh! of course! 21:21, his birthday, his mother mentioning it after he came out to her, to let him know that she’ll always love him no matter what, the night of their first kiss, the o helga natt scene. but the people in isak’s life don’t actually know about all of this like we do. in the skam universe, only isak (and even, and his mother) know

this was isak looking at his phone and without a doubt smiling, isak remembering and being appreciative of all these moments he experienced and wanting to put it out there, in the universe. there is so much love in isak valtersen, sometimes he just has to express it 💝

The PTSD Masterpost



Complex PTSD


The 6 categories post

PTSD Criteria & Diagnosis

The difference between PTSD & trauma

Changes to PTSD criteria in DSM-5

PTSD diagnostic criteria

What is a criterion A level trauma?

Emotional abuse part 1

Emotional abuse part 2

Non-interpersonal trauma

Do suicide attempts count as a criterion A trauma?

Trauma from serious physical illness

Challenges in diagnosing PTSD

Can I have PTSD if I don’t have flashbacks?



(see also the CPTSD post, above)

Differences between CPTSD and BPD

CPTSD treatment

The Body Keeps the Score

Can trauma cause BPD?

Trauma Severity & PTSD

What is trauma? part 1

What is trauma? part 2

Is my trauma severe enough part 1

Is my trauma severe enough part 2

Is my trauma severe enough part 3

Can I have trauma without having PTSD? part 1

Can I have trauma without having PTSD? part 2

Is neglect trauma?

How likely is it that person will get PTSD after losing a parent to suicide?

What if I have PTSD symptoms but no trauma?

Why do some people get PTSD after trauma but others don’t?


(see also the dissociation post, above)

Is dissociation unhealthy?

Why do some people not want to integrate their dissociative identities?

Causes of dissociation

Can you dissociate if you don’t have PTSD or trauma?

PTSD & Memory

Is the trauma memory true? part 1

Is the trauma memory true? part 2

Can I recover my trauma memory?

On repressed memories

Out of body memories

How can I have PTSD if I don’t remember my trauma?

Is it possible that I experienced trauma even though I don’t remember it?


Is recovery possible?

Is recovery from CSA possible?

Symptom fluctuation

Treatment for PTSD

Exposure treatment part 1

Exposure treatment part 2

Exposure treatment part 3

EMDR part 1

EMDR part 2

EMDR part 3

Cognitive processing therapy

Schema therapy

Time perspective therapy

Somatic experiencing

Critical incident stress debriefing

Do I need to do CPT or exposure to heal from PTSD?


Trauma informed care & cultural competence

Dissociation during treatment

PTSD & Working with Therapists

Isn’t it condescending for therapists to guide clients to their own conclusions?

Is my therapist judging me? part 1

Is my therapist judging me? part 2

Does my therapist think my trauma isn’t severe enough?

Do I have to tell my therapist specifics about my trauma? part 1

Do I have to tell my therapist specifics about my trauma? part 2

How should I tell my therapist about my trauma?

Can my therapist handle my trauma?

Can I ask my therapist if they have experienced trauma?

How do I tell my parents I have PTSD and need treatment?

Symptoms getting worse before they get better

Is it selfish to talk about trauma in therapy if my symptoms aren’t too bad?

Feeling worthless because I need help part 1

Feeling worthless because I need help part 2

Working in Mental Health

PTSD & working in mental health part 1

PTSD & working in mental health part 2

Working with perpetrators as a therapist

Preventing burn-out

Flight/flight/freeze response

PTSD & the military

Fainting during trauma

My Introduction into the LGBTA+ Community

This came to me while in the shower. I nearly forgot about it but now I can’t forget it and I think it’s important.

Back when I was a small eighth grader, my Christian school asked me to go to a local fair and hold a book reading for kids. I was super excited and said yes right away. I got there, read a book or two, then I had a half hour break. I walked around and saw a sign that said ‘ART!!! X% OF PROCEEDS GO TO CHARITIES TO HELP LGBTA+ MINORS!!“. I don’t remember the exact percentage, but I remember thinking "Art??? I love art!!”

I walked over to the tent where there were two people. One girl with dark purple hair, and another 'girl’ (in quotes for a reason) who had a shaved head. They were in highschool and I was terrified… They were the big kids at a PUBLIC SCHOOL!!! I asked them what lgbta+ meant because I wanted to know where my money was going.

They said “Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transexuals, ace/aro, and others!” And I’m like??? There’s more than just gay??

They laughed and said yes, asked me my orientation (straight then) and introduced themselves. (I’ll use their traits as names) Purple was a girl, and pansexual, which she explained meant she could love anyone no matter what. (Anyone? I asked. Yep! She said smiling. I just care if you’re kind). She has a girlfriend who was a lesbian.

Artist (the persons who art was being sold) was nonbinary and bisexual. They explained what they meant, and how bi was different from pan. But I was confused about nombinary. I told them I didn’t understand how you could be nothing! They smiled softly and told me this.

“It’s okay if you don’t understand! It can be confusing. All the matters is that you’ll treat me like everyone else.”

We talked until I had to go back, but on all my breaks I went back to them. I told them how my mom was at my stand and wouldn’t be happy if she knew I was there. They told me about highschool and art and lgbta+. I ended up buying two pieces from her. One I’m not a huge fan of bc I grew out of the style but the other I still have hanging up after almost five years.

At some point, I had to leave. They hugged me, wished me luck in life, and we parted ways.

I was packing up when I saw a huge floppy sunhat come into my tent. It was Purple and Artist, who got a huge hat so my mom wouldn’t see their “boy hair cut”. They said hello, pretended not to know me, but slipped me a slip of paper, smiled, and walked away. I opened it to see a drawing of a hotdog Artist drew me (I let calling every dog a hot dog because it was very hot outside). On the bottom was a small heart.

This is so important to me. Those people could’ve easily brushed me off as just a kid who is sheltered and bigoted. But they didn’t. They took me in for the day and (most likely painfully for them) explained everything and answered all my questions. I don’t think I’d be on terms with my sexuality without them.

Long story short, always be nice. Have patience, be kind, and never get short with kids, teens, or even adults who just want to learn or are under informed. Or even if they don’t understand some things, like how I was at first with nonbinary.

Always be patient, always be kind. Anything you say or do can impact someone forever.

I am tired of being ashamed of my body. I feel like my arms are as thick as tree trunks, and when I look at my stomach, I see unwanted rolling hills. I am so exhausted, constantly pinching and pulling at my body. Fat shouldn’t be the characterizing factor of a human being. Kindness should be. I want to be someone with a good heart. Intelligence should be. I want to inspire people with my thirst for knowledge. Love should be. Because what is life without love? Nothing. So if I am fat but I’m kind, intelligent, and loving, is that really so bad? There is so much more to humans than their physicality. Remember that being a good person is so much more important than forcing your body to conform to societal standards.

Beauty is internal. And you are so beautiful.

—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write